


Breaking the Fairytale

by Daffie_Chan



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Drama, F/F, Healing, Lena Luthor Needs Therapy, POV Lena Luthor, Post Season 5, Psychological, Slow Burn, SuperCorp, Supercorp endgame, Therapy, Willena, Willena or Willena not?, mental health, mild sexy time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 185,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daffie_Chan/pseuds/Daffie_Chan
Summary: Kara swallowed thick, “Promise me something…”Lena nodded, “Anything.”“If he ever treats you less than the beautiful Angel you are, you tell me.”The marriage between Lena and William motivates Kara to finally show Lena the feelings she's been holding back.Lena has to deal with Kara's terrible timing.During her honeymoon, William will show his true colors.Lena has to deal with the consequences and all that has been triggered.Thankfully, she has friends to help her through.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor/William Dey
Comments: 218
Kudos: 329





	1. An Unexpected Love

**Author's Note:**

> Formerly known as:  
> Willena or Willena not? 
> 
> This fanfic started out as a joke, a challenge among friends:  
> Write fanfic about a romance between William and Lena.  
> Make it cringy.  
> Make us feel disgusted.  
> A pairing nobody ships and nobody asks for. 
> 
> It turned into so much more.  
> I grew to love the story.  
> It became important to me and my own healing process.  
> I hope you are brave enough to read past the first chapter and go on this journey with Lena. 
> 
> A journey of hurt, healing, friendship and love. 
> 
> Give it a chance, you might even like it.
> 
> Good to know: This is definitely a Supercorp story!

_**Willena or Willena not?** _

Things were finally looking good for Lena Luthor.  
She had taken Luthorcorp back and renamed it L-Corp again.  
Her brother was taken care of, once and for all.  
There was no coming back this time.  
No chance of a random Monitor showing up to turn her brother into a zombie again.

Lena had burned Lex’s body and Kara had yeeted his remains out in space.

Yes, Kara.  
They were finally friends again.  
Lena had never felt so certain about her friend before.  
They were closer than ever.  
No more secrets.

Lena had offered a lab for the Superfriends to operate from since the Tower didn’t provide in medical equipment, cells for their enemies and technical treasures for Brainy to work his magic on.  
The Tower was impractical.  
Nobody dared to tell J’onn, he was so proud of his Tower.  
They did their meetings in the Tower and drank thee, but the villain fighting happened from Lena’s lab.

She had become a valuable member of the Supers.  
Alex was even training her in combat.  
With her fencing skills, she already knew how to work some weapons.

\------------------------------------------- 

“Your appointment with CatCo magazine is waiting, miss Luthor.” Her assistant announced.  
“Yes Eve, send her in.”  
Eve hesitated before answering, “Yes, miss Luthor. I’ll send him in.”

Lena didn’t quite register what Eve said.  
She was looking forward to a friendly face to distract her from the powerplay she had been facing all day with misogynistic men.

When she heard the door open, the corners of her mouth curled up as a Pavloff effect.  
“Good afternoon, miss Luthor.” His perfect British accent caught her off guard.  
She was expecting Kara to interview her about the rebranding of L-Corp.  
Lena and Kara both knew they already had this interview a long time ago, but Prime Earth didn’t know that.

Her smile disappeared as she had to pull herself together.  
“I am sorry. I expected to see miss Danvers.” She admitted.  
“Miss Danvers was needed elsewhere. I can assure you: I am just as capable as miss Danvers.” His upbeat energy made Lena’s smile reappear like magic.  
“I’m sure you are, mister…” she smirked.  
“Dey. William Dey. It is my pleasure to meet you, miss Luthor.” He held out his hand to shake hers.  
She was tempted to say: ‘The pleasure is all mine,’ while eying him up and down.  
He was a real sight for sour eyes.  
Tall, tanned and handsome.  
His hand was strong but soft at the same time.

“We have met before.” Lena said, remembering how Supergirl tore his shirt open to reveal his ripped torso.  
She bit her lower lip and inhaled sharply through her nose at the memory.  
Lena had this thing for ripped tall men with gunshot wounds. 

“Yes, when you and Supergirl saved me from… your assistant?” he frowned his brows and gave her a confused smile.  
Lena chuckled, “Yes. She is an extraordinary assistant, very capable of her job. She was the right person at the wrong place and time. I believe everybody deserves a second chance.”  
It was her newfound wisdom from her second chance at friendship with Kara. 

William treated her with a wide genuine smile.  
His smile was so bright, Lena was sure he could melt the coldest of hearts. 

She had to shake herself from staring at him.  
“I’m sorry. Have a seat.” She gestured at the seat on the other side of the desk.  
It wasn’t common for her to offer a reporter a seat, except for Kara, it was a power move she used to keep them at a save emotional distance.

William was different. He seemed kind and professional and he was hot.  
Lena was still a woman with needs, she could be as weak for a man like any other woman… who was into men.

The interview was like a nice, informal conversation. It was dangerous grounds for Lena to be at with a reporter other than Kara. Kara would always do her justice, she knew her, but this man was new.  
He was charming. She charmed him back.  
She caught herself flirting with him.

Maybe she was going too far.  
William and Kara had been dating.  
Kara told Lena, she didn’t like him the way he liked her and they didn’t work out.  
But that didn’t mean he was over her.

She was so mesmerized by his charm, she had to take her chance.

“Miss Luthor, your next appointment is in five minutes.” Eve interrupted through the intercom.  
“Thank you, Miss Tessmacher.” She responded.

“Thank you very much for this lovely interview, miss Luthor. It has been nice meeting you.” He smiled.  
Gosh, he made her insides flutter. Butterflies were dancing inside her like she was a teenager again.  
“Likewise.” She beamed.  
He nodded at her and turned on his heels.

“Mr. Dey?” Lena took her leap of faith, “I know this is highly inappropriate…” she walked around her desk to have no objects stand between the two of them, “Maybe we could have a follow-up interview, tonight at Noonan’s?” she cursed herself for lacking any form of subtlety.  
He chuckled, oh gosh he was cute when he chuckled, “Do I need to bring my notepad?” he asked.  
Lena could feel a blush rise while her fingers were nervously fiddling. She bashfully shook her head.  
“In that case… I would love to.” a blush seemed to appear on his cheeks. 

When he closed the door behind him, Lena did her secret victory dance nobody knew of.  
‘He would love to.’ Was what he said, ‘love’.  
Lena took a deep breath.  
She wondered if she could ever get that goofy grin off her face.

\---------------------------------------------

Lena went home earlier than usual to freshen up for her next meeting with William Dey.  
She changed into a low-cut dress, showing off her cleavage. She was well aware of her best assets as Kara often lost her eyeballs in them. It made Lena chuckle to think of the way Kara’s eyes could pop when she wore something that showed off her breasts.  
Sometimes she wondered if Kara was even straight at all.  
She shook that thought out of her head.

Lena had considered texting Kara to check if she was okay with her dating William, but she remembered Kara was still on a mission, which was also the reason why she didn’t interview Lena today.  
Besides… Kara was very clear about not having any feelings at all for William.  
She told Lena her heart was beating for somebody else.  
Lena had tried to pull a name out of her, but Kara didn’t give in.  
One of these days she would tell her, Lena was sure of it.

\------------------------------------------------

William was already there when Lena arrived. He was dressed casually formal.  
Lena took her moment to admire him from afar. She watched him talking animated with the barman, they laughed together about a joke William made.  
The barman noticed Lena first and gave her an appreciative nod. William followed his eye side and his gaze landed on Lena.  
He visually gasped, which made Lena feel good about herself.  
William stumbled off his barstool in his attempt to get to her as quick as possible.  
“Ms. Luthor… You look… Stunning.” His eyes went up and down her body. Not in a creepy way, like she is used to from her business associates. More in admiration… the same way Kara looks at her.  
It is a familiar look that made Lena feel strong and confident. The twinkle in his eyes flattered her.  
“Please call me Lena.” She insisted.  
“Well, Lena. May I guide you to our table?” he offered her an arm.

She couldn’t say no to those strong and muscular arms. Lena was weak for a strong, muscular body.  
Without any hesitation, she hooked her arm in his.

The evening went by in a heartbeat.  
Every hour seemed like just a minute; the time flew by so fast.

William proved to be respectful gentleman.  
He insisted on paying the bill, brought her home, thanked her for the lovely evening and was willing to watch Lena until she was safe inside.  
This was a huge turn-on for Lena.

Taking someone home at the first date was something the classy Luthor had never done.  
Until now.  
William was the only exception.

\-------------------------------------------------

It took her almost two weeks until she could finally talk to Kara again.  
In the meantime, she and William had met a couple of times.

“I’m glad you could make it.” Happy to see her, Lena hugged Kara tight.  
Kara giggled, “I’m happy to see you. Sorry, it took so long.” She apologized.  
Lena wove it off, “It happens. The world doesn’t save itself.” she joked.

Halfway their lunch, Lena had gathered enough courage to tell Kara about her and William.  
Kara was speechless at first.  
She broke their eye contact and was suddenly very interested in the food on her plate.  
“Oh… that is cool.” She played with her food and took an awful lot of time chewing in comparison to the inhaling of food she was known for.  
Her reaction worried Lena, “Kara? I… I thought you said you were over him. I’m sorry if… I mean… I could still break it off.” Her friendship with Kara was worth more than anything, even more than a possible relationship with William.  
“You would?” hopeful eyes looked up at her, “I mean… no. No! Does he make you happy?” she was suddenly demanding in her tone.  
“He does, but that doesn’t mean-”  
“Than you are going to be with him and he is going to make you happy.” She pointed her fork at Lena in a threatening manner.  
Lena was confused by her friend’s reaction.

Kara swallowed thick, “Promise me something…”  
Lena nodded, “Anything.”  
“If he ever treats you less than the beautiful Angel you are, you tell me.” Her eyes pierced into Lena’s soul.  
Was she threatening William? Beautiful Angel? What was going on with her.  
“Promise me, Lena. Promise me you will tell me.” Kara begged.  
Lena sighed and produced a warm smile.  
She placed her hand over Kara’s clenched fist to calm her down, “Always.”  
“Good.” Kara nodded.  
“How… how has he been with you? I mean… does he treat you well?” she carefully asked.  
“He has been nothing but a real gentleman with me… Kara, has he ever treated you badly?” Lena couldn’t help but wonder. Kara’s reaction was out of proportion.  
She shook her head.  
“He has always been nice to me… Oh, can you bring me some of his baked stuff from time to time? He makes the nicest things and you wouldn’t appreciate them as much as I do anyway.” She lightened the mood.  
Kara made Lena laugh again.

\------------------------------------------------

William and Lena had bought a penthouse together. A home for the two of them.  
It had been over a year since their first date.  
Kara was a big help with moving, especially when William was not around.  
They had decided to keep Kara’s secret identity from him.

Lena had noticed her friendship with Kara had changed.  
She was more distant, especially when the conversation was about Lena’s fiancé or whenever he was around.  
When it was just the two of them, they could slip back into their old hugging and giggling habits. 

Kara reacted so poorly when William had popped Lena the question.  
Kara was the first one Lena shared the news with.  
She had been so happy.  
Her joy was infectious to Kara, she beamed at the sight of Lena.  
But when she showed her the ring, she got cold.  
She faked an emergency and flew off.

It took a full week before Kara contacted her to congratulate her.  
Lena was disappointed in Kara and lashed out.  
Kara was like a sister to her.  
She was the closest thing to family she had.  
She needed somebody to be happy for her.  
But Kara was not that person.

Kara apologized for her petty behaviour.  
They talked.  
Kara was happy for Lena.  
She was envious.  
She also wanted her love, but her love didn’t see her.  
“That is ridiculous Kara. Anybody would be lucky to have you.” Lena ensured her.  
“You think so?” Kara’s eyes were filled with tears.  
Lena cupped Kara’s face, “I am sure of it. You are funny, beautiful, lovely, kind, strong, smart, and a great reporter. And you know I can’t resist a good reporter.” Lena joked.  
She wiped away Kara’s tears with her thumbs.

How could she have missed all the signs of Kara’s broken heart?  
Has she been too occupied with William to notice the sorrow of her best friend?

Kara leaned into Lena’s touch.  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Kara.” Lena pulled Kara in for a comforting embrace.  
She could feel Kara sink into her.  
It always made Lena feel special and warm to have Kara this close to her.

“Why don’t you invite your mystery man as a plus one to our wedding?” Lena tried to cheer her up.  
“I don’t think my mystery love would want to go as my plus one to your wedding, Lee.” Kara scrunched her nose.  
“So, little confidence.” Lena tucked a straw of hair behind Kara’s ear, “Gosh, you are so beautiful.” She whispered encouraging.  
Kara’s face turned red as she smiled at the compliment.

\------------------------------------------------

Kara helped to put Lena in her wedding dress.  
Her fingers were trembling.  
“Kara… You realize I am the one who is supposed to be nervous right?” she joked.  
“Are you?” Kara asked Lena as she was wrapping her in her corset.  
“Are you kidding me? I am marrying the most wonderful man on earth. He is so perfect for me. He can always make me smile. His enthusiasm always provides me with more energy. And his staminaaaAAAAAH” she screamed as Kara pressed the air out of her lungs by tightened her corset with too much force.  
“Oh Rao, I’m sorry!” she quickly loosened the corset.  
“Not everybody is made of Steel, Supergirl,” Lena grunted in pain.  
Kara did a quick x-ray scan, “Nothing broken.” She ensured Lena.  
“Well, that is reassuring,” Lena smirked at her.

The girls had a half-hour left before Kara would walk Lena down the aisle.  
Nobody was as close to Lena as Kara.  
Kara was the only choice for Lena, her best friend had to be the one to give her away.  
She was also her maid of honor.

“Kara…” she searched for the sapphire blue eyes of her friend.  
She took her hands in hers, “Thank you for being my everything.” Lena had to let Kara know how important she was to her.  
She placed her left hand to the side of Kara’s face and kissed her cheek.  
“I’m happy to have you in my life.” She whispered as she lingered her lips above Kara’s skin.  
Kara turned her head slowly.  
She crashed her lips into Lena’s.

The connection came as a surprise to Lena.  
Kara’s lips were soft and welcome.  
It didn’t feel strange to kiss her best friend like this.  
It was loving and caring.  
Inevitable.

Lena could feel Kara’s tongue against her lips.  
She opened her mouth to let her in.  
Their tongues danced together as they had never done anything else.  
It was right in the wrong kind of way and wrong in all the right ways.  
Kissing her was passionate.  
It was like pure love run through her body.  
Kara’s arms wrapped themselves around her.  
Lena had no choice but to let herself get lost in this moment.  
This had to happen.

The sound of the wedding bells struck them like thunder on a clear day.  
They broke apart panting.  
Two pair of eyes panicked, searching for clarity with the other.  
Sapphire blue and forest green attracted each other like magnets.

This was the moment her groom was waiting in front of the altar.

“You don’t have to do this, Lena. Runaway with me. I can fly us off. Fly with me into the sunset.” Kara proposed.  
“It's you, Lee. It has always been you. You are my love. You are my everything.” She confessed with teary eyes.

Lena had to think quick.

She crashed into Kara and held on for dear life.  
“I love you, Kara! I really do. I don’t know what I would do without you.” She put a little distance between them to cup her face and put their foreheads together.  
“I can’t lose you, Kara. Stay with me. Please.”  
Kara nodded.  
Lena swallowed a lump in her throat as she took Kara’s hands in hers, “I love you… But I love him too. Please, Kara…” she put her hands to her chin and kissed Kara’s fingers.

“Will you walk me down the aisle?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you liked it.  
> Let me know what you think, don't hold back.  
> Comments make me happy.  
> So do kuddo's.


	2. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena had kissed her best friend right before walking down the aisle.  
> The timing was awful.  
> Everything would have been different if she would have just...  
> Now she will have to get through this wedding day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first chapter was a hard one to read.  
> This story isn't done.
> 
> We have a whole wedding day ahead of us!

Kara took her hand.  
Their fingers intertwined.  
All her joy had disappeared.

Kara nodded resolute, “Let’s get you married.”  
Her voice was determined but cracked.  
Seeing Kara this vulnerable broke Lena’s heart.

People were getting hurt today.  
No matter what Lena would do: two hearts would be broken.  
Hers was one of them in every scenario. 

A part of her hated Kara for this.  
Not for loving her.  
She had always hoped for the day Kara would love her back.  
Lena fell in love with Kara the first time she laid eyes on her.  
They went through hell and back together.  
The reveal of Kara’s secret identity had crushed Lena.  
The woman she loved had kept an important part of herself from her.  
She didn’t cope well at the time.  
After they defeated Lex, she was so glad to have Kara back in her life.  
Just having Kara in her orbit was enough.  
She gave up on the hope of ever having more than a friendship with the Kryptonian.

Then there was William.  
A kind and handsome man who took her heart by surprise.  
Who loved her for who she was.  
He was good to her.  
He treated her with respect.  
He was warm and strong.  
He was ambitious and smart.  
She could be herself with him and he loved everything about her.  
He was no Kara, but he was certainly more than she ever thought she deserved.

Lena was caught between the urge to plant her fist in Kara’s face and kissing those lips again.  
She hated her.  
She hated her because she still loved her so much.  
Kara was late.  
She loved her too late.

Kara was the spark that lit up her fire again.  
Now she was burning.  
Burning for Kara, again.

Her heart also beats for William.  
He is the safe choice.  
Kara is a risk.  
Is she a risk worth taken?

If Kara had only confessed her love sooner.  
Lena could have thought of a solution.  
Think about the consequences.  
Feel what her heart had to say.

Kara had put her on the spot.  
She was already in her wedding dress.  
Minutes away from marrying the man of her dreams.  
Standing in front of the woman of her dreams.

The sound of the bells died out.  
Music started playing.  
They should already be walking down the aisle.  
Instead, she was looking deep into Kara’s eyes, searching for a solution to this torturous dilemma.

Kara’s eyes plead.  
They plead her not to walk down the aisle.  
Not to marry him.  
She didn’t need words.  
Her eyes said it all.  
‘Runaway with me.’  
Her eyes weren’t helpful at all.

The wedding party was already halfway through the song.  
She could feel the tension radiating from behind the door.  
The tension between her and Kara was already so high it felt like it could kill her.

She couldn’t lose her.  
She couldn’t lose him.  
It wouldn’t be fair to him.  
It wouldn’t be fair to her.  
They were both important aspects of her life.  
She couldn’t imagine living her life without either one of them.

Neither of them moved.  
Lena wished she could stop time and think.  
She needed to feel her heart's dearest desire.  
There was no time left.  
So many emotions and thoughts occupied her mind.

The song was dying out.  
She had to make a decision now.

When with two variables, both have a bad outcome, but she has to pick one…  
She would go with the one that has the least chance of permanent damage.  
One she could reduce the side-effects of afterward.

In this scenario, she couldn’t believe she was actually thinking this, marriage wasn’t absolute.  
She had time to figure out her feelings afterward if she was able to reduce the damage it would cost Kara.  
If she would leave with Kara now.  
Leaving William in front of the altar, with all the wedding guests…  
That would be irreversible.  
He didn’t deserve that humiliation. 

Lena pulled Kara into her arms.  
She clanged on to her.  
Clinching her dress within her fists.

She didn’t want to let go.  
She had to.

“Kara, listen to me and listen carefully!” she caught her attention.  
“Give me time to figure this out. I will figure this out… We will figure this out.” Lena’s eyes darted from Kara’s eyes to her lips and back.  
She crashed their lips together one last time.  
Less passionate, but no less loving.

She took Kara’s head between her hands.  
Lena forced Kara to look at her.  
Kara had to hear these words.

“Saying yes to him, doesn’t mean saying no to you!”

Kara looked beaten.

“Do you understand what I am saying? I am not saying no to you. This is just a wedding. Give me time, okay?”  
The blonde nodded.  
“I love you, Kara. Don’t forget.”  
“I won’t.” her voice was barely above a breath.

Lena glanced at the door.  
She feared it could swing open any minute.  
The crowd was already mumbling.

“You don’t have to walk me down the aisle, Kara. I can do this alone.” She offered Kara.  
Walking down the aisle to give the woman you love away, must be torture.  
Kara didn’t deserve that.  
She deserved so much better.

Kara shook her head.  
She dried her tears and straightened her back.  
“No. I’m with you, Lee. Always!”  
Lena smiled at their magic word.  
The word had been a symbol of lies for a while, but they had taken it back as the strongest word that bonds their relationship.

“Always!” she ensured Kara.

The word worked its magic on Kara as well.  
She turned her frown upside down.  
Her smile was even made audible with a chuckle.

Kara offered Lena her arm, which Lena took without hesitation.  
She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder for a small second.  
They both took a deep breath.

“Let’s do this!” Kara encouraged both of them right before she opened the door.

The music started playing again.

All eyes turned to the two of them.  
For this moment it was like there was nobody else than the two of them.  
Lena needed to take Kara’s features up in her memory.  
She was so beautiful.  
How her curls danced around her face.  
The way her eyes shined.  
She looked so soft, but yet so strong.  
Her expression was pure pride, but Lena could feel the sorrow underneath. 

Kara must have felt her eyes burning in her skin.  
She turned her head with the most loving smile.  
Lena could feel her smile widen.  
They felt so close.  
They felt like one.

Harsh reality was waiting for her at the end of the aisle.  
The man she was going to marry.  
The man she loved.  
The second person she loved.

Truth was, she was surrounded by love.

William looked so good in his suit.  
His smile could make the sun feel cold.  
He was so warm and loving.  
He seemed so proud.  
Like the proudest man on Earth.

William bounced nervously on his heels as the two friends got closer.

Kara helped Lena on the stairs.  
Lena couldn’t just let her walk away.  
She pulled her closer on her wrist and kissed her cheek.  
“Thank you.” She whispered.  
Kara sighed with a smile, “Always.”  
They exchanged a look that could replace a thousand words.

It was okay.  
They were going to be okay.  
Lena knew it.  
She could feel it.  
She could see it in Kara’s eyes.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t show up.” William whispered jokingly in her ear.  
His light-hearted optimism in combination with her pure nerves, made Lena giggle.  
Oh boy… He didn’t know how close that was to the truth.

They both said their vows.  
Lena’s lacked promises and wishes for the future.  
She spoke about what he meant to her.  
How he made her feel.  
She spoke about now and what had been.  
She could not lie to him with promises she might not be able to keep.  
Instead, she spoke the truth about her love for him.  
About his character.  
About how he deserved all the love in the world.  
She did promise him respect and honesty.

she intends to talk to him about this.  
Just not in front of the altar.

William looked deep into Lena’s eyes as he said, “I do.”  
Lena looked deep into his eyes, the moment she opened her mouth her eyes darted over to Kara.  
Kara nodded and gave her a smile in approval, “I do.” she turned her eyes back to him right after her words.  
William beamed.

“I pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”  
Lena’s hand reached back for Kara to let her know she was thinking of her.  
She couldn’t reach her.

Williams lips were soft.  
Not as soft as Kara’s.  
His touch was warm.  
Not as warm as Kara’s.

She was kissing her husband, for the first time as his wife, and she was comparing him to Kara.  
This situation was truly messed up.

\------------------------------------------------- 

The day was one big party.  
Lena made sure to touch Kara as many times as possible.  
She made sure Kara felt loved.  
Loved by her.  
She was terrified Kara would feel underappreciated. 

The first dance was between William and Lena.  
They had practiced, but Lena was never a talented dancer.  
She was self-conscious about her lack of rhythm.  
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” Was what he ensured her before the music started to play.  
William was a lot better at moving and pulled her across the dancefloor.  
He made sure to catch her whenever she made a misstep.  
He even tried to deflect attention from her failed attempt to moving with a silly gesture or a proud smile.  
Lena felt lucky to have him.  
He made sure she didn’t look like a total fool.

This was the moment the father of the bride would tap off and perform the father-daughter dance.  
William would dance with his mother.

They had planned for Kara to step in and turn it into a best friend dance.  
Lena would have understood if Kara backed out.  
Kara didn’t back out.

Lena got swept into a twirl and landed in Kara’s strong arms.  
She wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck, “Kara, you don’t have to do this. I understand.”  
Kara rested her forehead against hers, “I am your everything and I take my job very seriously.” She smiled mischievously.  
Her grin warmed Lena up inside.

Kara was a good dancer.  
No.  
Kara was a great dancer.  
She twirled Lena across the dancefloor as they had practiced for weeks.  
Kara took full control.  
Lena stopped thinking, she trusted Kara completely.  
Their bodies moved in rhythm like one.  
The freeing sensation of moving together like nobody was watching made Lena’s heart flutter.  
Their bodies moved like they were meant to move together from birth.  
They just fitted.  
Like two pieces of a puzzle.  
Like yin and yang.  
They were like one.  
Lena didn’t want this feeling to ever end.  
Kara took her breath away.  
She was warm from head to toe.  
Not because of the physical exercise.  
It was because of Kara.  
Their connection was intense. 

The song ended, Kara let her go and stepped back into the crowd.  
Suddenly the dancefloor felt cold and lonely.  
Lena felt lost.

William stepped in next to her and put his arm around her.  
But even his warm and strong arms couldn’t fill the sudden void Kara’s absence left inside her.

Fuck!

Lena knew.

\------------------------------------------

Between formalities, Lena spent her time with Kara and the other Supers.

Kara took her to a bench outside, away from everyone, to make sure she was okay.  
“Yeah, yeah sure.” Lena took a sip from her drink.  
“You are drinking Scotch at your wedding and you are at least tipsy. You are not okay.” Kara corrected her.  
“Fine! I’m not okay. Happy now?” Keeping up a smile and making two people happy was a heavy task for the young Luthor, who kept her own last name.  
“It’s okay to not be okay, Lee. I am so sorry I did this to you.”  
Lena wove it off, “You didn’t do anything to me.”  
“I kissed you right before you walked down the aisle, I shouldn’t have done that.” Kara pointed out. Well aware of the impact of her deeds.  
“Fine, you shouldn’t have done that. No… You should have done that! You should have done that at least a day earlier. Preferably more than a month earlier, so I could have called off the wedding. Or a half year ago, so I wouldn’t have bought a house with him. Or when we just started dating… I asked you… You never told me. You kept it all to yourself. Like you had to hold the world upon your shoulders alone again… Now I am stuck with this!” She held up her hand showing off the ring on her finger.  
Lena was definitely drunk.  
Her anger was flowing out like word vomit.

Kara dropped her head.  
Lena was giving her new ring nasty nicknames; you wouldn’t normally give to a seal of love.

Suddenly, Kara’s head popped back up again.  
“You mean, you would have picked me?” she asked hopefully.  
“Fuck you, Kara Danvers! I fell in love with you the first time we met. You with your cute glasses and your sunny smile and your eyes that felt like a sunrise after the darkest night. Fuck you!” Lena made her words sound like insults, while they were actually very sweet.  
She let herself drop against Kara’s side with a deep sigh.

“What do I do now, Kara? William has always been good to me. He is a sweet man. He respects me. He is perfect… But he is not you.” She whined.  
Kara wrapped her arms around Lena and cradled her.  
“You are going to give your marriage a chance.”  
“But I don’t want to.” Lena interrupted.  
Kara continued like Lena hadn’t said anything, “Go on your honeymoon. We will talk after you come back and we will be honest with each other.”  
Lena nuzzled close to Kara, “I don’t want to lose you.” She whimpered softly.  
She was so adorable it made Kara smile.  
“You won’t!”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise!”  
“Yeah, you said that before.” Lena pushed herself away from Kara.  
Kara took her hand, “And I am still here, aren’t I?”  
Lena couldn’t fight her logic, “I guess.”  
“It’s like you said yourself. Saying yes to him doesn’t mean saying no to me.” Kara squeezed her hand encouraging.  
It took a moment for Lena to sink in.  
A wide smile appeared, “I am smart.” She concluded.  
“I know nobody smarter than you, my love.” Kara chuckled.  
Lena gasped, “Not even my brother?”  
A loud laugh escaped from Kara, she had never seen Lena like this, “No, you are definitely smarter than your brother.”  
“Yes!” Lena showed her a balled victory fist.

The clear night sky made the moon shine bright. Lena’s gaze was captured.  
“Kara… I want to see the moon. Can you take me there?” the dreamy tone in her voice made it impossible for Kara to refuse.  
“I can take you closer, do you want that?”  
Lena nodded at her.

Kara picked Lena up bridal style, which was now more special than ever before because Lena was the bride in a lovely dress.  
Lena wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and nuzzled herself as close as possible to her, making herself feel more comfortable.  
They flew off, into the night sky.  
High above the bridal party, out of sight for everyone who didn’t know where to look.

The view was breath-taking.  
From up here, she could see for miles.  
On her left, way out there, the lights of the city lit the sky.  
Up ahead, the light of the moon reflected in the calm ocean water.

Lena was mesmerized.  
“Pretty cool, right,” Kara spoke with an enthusiastic pride.  
The bride rested her head against the flying Super, “It’s beautiful.”  
“There is so much beauty to be seen.” Kara took a peek at her from the corner of her eye.  
“Yes… You are quite the catch yourself, Kar.” She kissed Kara’s cheekbone, soft and caring.  
Kara bashfully chuckled.  
She stole a quick kiss from Lena’s lips.  
The peck came as a surprise to Lena.  
Kissing her right before the ceremony wasn’t a good idea.  
But it happened and it was amazing.  
The memory overtook Lena’s body like an electric wave.  
She shouldn’t kiss Kara again.  
Lena is a married woman now.  
Her husband deserved to be treated with respect.  
Lena needed to figure things out.  
She needed time to think.  
She needed to talk to William before anything happened again.

The scenery was too much for Lena.  
The sensation of flying high in the sky, in the arms of this amazing woman, with a breath taking the view, the cold night sky, the warm body she was cradled against, her fuzzy alcoholic brain…

Kara’s lips soundlessly called for her.  
Her eyes fixated on the movement of her mouth.  
She had tasted Kara before, now she wanted more.

Lena could feel her heart rate pick up as she closed in on Kara.  
She licked her lips, lingering above Kara’s.  
There was no uncertainty to determinate who took initiative to lock their lips.

Lena’s head was light from the alcohol, but kissing Kara was more intoxicating than liquor could ever be.  
Kissing Kara was hot.  
Kissing Kara was pure passion.  
Lena wanted more.  
She needed more.  
She needed all of Kara.  
She kissed Kara like her life depended on it.  
With one arm still tangled around Kara’s neck, the other started exploring wherever she could touch the blonde.  
Fingertips followed the Kryptonian jawline. A featherlight touch brushed down Kara’s neck to rest on her collarbone.  
Lena broke the oral connection to search for permission in Kara’s eyes. Her hands traveled down slowly until she reached the fabric of Kara’s dress.  
Kara’s nodded with dreamy eyes and a small smile.  
No second was wasted before their lips crashed into each other again.  
Lena’s hand slipped behind the fabric of Kara’s bridesmaids dress, cupping her chest.  
A perfect shape, warm and soft.  
Kara gasped.  
Lena could feel Kara’s grip on her loosen as she slipped away for a millisecond.  
Kara’s eyes shot open in shock, when she realized she could have dropped Lena if her mind had wandered off a little bit more.  
“Don’t worry. I am holding on to you.” Lena whispered in her ear, while teasingly squeezing her.  
Lena was feeling safe in the arms of her Supergirl.  
Kara would always catch her.  
She kissed Kara’s neck, while her hand was enjoying some front chest action.

Kara’s expression changed as her body stiffened.  
Lena stopped her movements, “What is it?” worried she did something wrong.  
“Alex just contacted me. They are looking for you at the party.” She was lowering altitude already.  
“Lena? … Do you want to take your hand out of my bra before we land?” Kara asked a bit embarrassed.  
Lena chuckled flustered as she slipped her hand out.  
Kara picked a spot to land out of sight, she gave Lena another quick kiss before she put her feet back on the ground.

As Lena rearranged her dress, she could hear a slap, the sound petrified her.  
It was a hit to the back of Kara’s head.  
“You shouldn’t be kissing the bride on her wedding day unless she is your own bride.” Alex lectured her little sister.  
Kara soothed the back of her head with her hand, even though it couldn’t have hurt the Kryptonian.

Alex turned her focus on Lena.  
She took a deep breath, “Lena… you are married. Your husband is looking for you. Please go to him as I have a chat with my sister.”  
Harsh reality hit Lena.  
She had just cheated on her husband.  
Lena didn’t make it to twelve hours into marriage with William without kissing Kara.  
This marriage was doomed.

Lena lowered her head and returned to the party.  
Ashamed of herself.  
She couldn’t keep her lips off Kara until after she spoke with William.

“There she is. My beautiful bride everyone!” the cheerful British accent rose above all the other sounds.  
He made his way over to her, picked her up and twirled her around.  
His happiness was warming.  
Guilt dropped like a brick in Lena’s stomach.

The evening didn’t last long after that.  
Lena had stopped consuming alcohol and stayed away from Kara to prevent more slips.  
Since she literally had her head up in the clouds with the blonde, she could not imagine herself resisting Kara Danvers anymore.

Now that she knew…  
The feelings she kept hidden for so many years…  
The feelings she shoved away in those tiny boxes because the love could never be returned…  
Now that she knew, Kara did love her back, all her tiny boxes had exploded and the feelings were all over the place.  
Like everything she kept inside all that time, came out all at once.  
It was overwhelming.

Next to her was this lovely and handsome man, who was so good to her.  
He deserved better.

Kara deserved better.

She deserved better…

Worst wedding ever!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...  
> That bride didn't behave like a bride is supposed to behave on her wedding day.
> 
> Give a like and a comment, I would appreciate that.
> 
> And stick around for the next chapter, there is more to come.


	3. The Honeymoon - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William and Lena are about to go on their honeymoon.   
> The newlyweds will visit London to get into touch with William's roots.  
> Before they leave for Ireland, they will spend some time with the Deys, giving Lena the perfect opportunity to get to know her mother in law.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little warning: There is not much Kara in this chapter.  
> We will follow the newlyweds on their honeymoon.  
> Mrs. Dey lets Lena in on a family secret.

The heated moment she shared with her best friend during the wedding was still sticking in her mind.  
Nothing William could say or do, was able to make her forget about that perfect moment high up in the sky. 

William and Lena were about to leave on their honeymoon.  
Kara had kept her distance from Lena, giving her the chance to set her mind straight without putting any pressure on her.  
After the honeymoon, they would talk again.

William did notice something was off with Lena.  
He was kind and understanding as always.  
He offered to listen and to cheer her up.  
She had told him she just needed a break and the honeymoon trip was a welcome distraction.  
She couldn’t possibly tell him how torn her heart was.  
How she loved two people at once.  
How her wedding day truly was the best day of her life, but for all the wrong reasons.

Even though her job required her to do a lot of it, Lena disliked flying.  
More than one attempt on her life was staged around bringing an airplane or helicopter down, she was in.  
William knew the flight was at least one of the things she was looking up to.  
He was patient and uplifting.  
Even with everything going on inside her mind, he could still make her smile.

Kara and Lena didn’t say goodbye to each other before the trip.  
It might be for the best for Lena to get away from Kara for a little while and focus on her and William.  
But still…  
Not having her best friend wave her off made her sad.  
They had parted in such a weird way.  
She didn’t even know what Kara and Alex talked about after Alex had separated the two of them.  
Maybe she didn’t want to be with her anymore.  
Maybe Alex talked her out of it.  
Maybe Kara had changed her mind and it was just a wedding rush or something.  
Lena had trouble wrapping her head around it.  
It would have been nice to just say their goodbyes to each other.

The private jet had reached altitude.  
William unbuckled himself to get both of them champagne to celebrate their first trip as newlyweds.  
He gave his wife a reassuring kiss on the corner of her mouth and stroke her cheek gently.   
He didn’t need to use words to make her feel at ease.  
Lena appreciated the gesture.   
He knew how to make her feel safe and loved.

Lena took a look outside the window, to find Supergirl sitting on the wing of the plane.  
Her bright smile lifted Lena’s spirits.  
She did come to say goodbye.  
All the tension Lena was holding on to since the wedding was fading away.

Supergirl held up her hand with her palm towards Lena, her middle finger and ring finger curled down.  
Lena knew exactly what that meant.  
It was sign language for: “I love you!”  
A bright smile appeared on Lena’s face. This was what she needed to cast those demons out who told her it was just a fling for Kara. She did love her.  
Supergirl pointed at her temple and mouthed a clear, ‘Remember.’  
After that, she pointed at Lena, her ring finger, and towards the back of the jet, where William was.  
Lena knew what she meant.  
Kara was there to remind her to give her marriage a chance.  
Lena clenched her jaw. She nodded to show her she understood.  
Supergirl blew her a kiss and flew off.

Kara did still care.  
The brunette released a deep sigh.

“A champagne for my love.” William offered her a glass before he took his place across from her again.  
“To the most amazing woman on Earth.” He smiled wide as he held up his glass.  
Lena decided to keep her promise to Kara and give her marriage a chance, even though her heart seemed like a lost cause at this point.  
She clings his glass with a smile, “To the most amazing man on Earth.” There was no lie hidden in those words. He truly was the most amazing man on Earth.

\---------------------------------------

London was amazing.  
Lena had been there before on business, but she never took the time to see the city.  
The couple had planned on going to London for a week to connect to William’s roots and spend the last day with his parents in a small countryside town, west of London.  
They had to visit West End, where they went to see The Phantom of the Opera in the wonderful Her Majesty’s Theatre. Lena was mesmerized by the architecture of the building. Especially the inside. Everything about that little theatre was magic. It was like a character in the story itself.  
William took her to all the typical touristic places. He told her what he knew and Lena was taken by his knowledge. The moments he was geeking out over the history of the Tower of London was when Lena could feel her heart jump. She almost felt bad for keeping him away from his beloved city.   
They had an amazing week. It made Lena remember why she fell for him in the first place. She really did need this time away from Kara, to truly see him again.  
It’s not like she didn’t think of Kara this week.   
How she would love to show Kara the theatre and the London Bridge and tell her about the Tower of London, that wasn’t even a tower at all, the way William had told her.  
Even though Kara was always floating around somewhere in the back of her mind, she was able to enjoy her time with William.  
Kara was a dream.  
William was a reality.

After England, they would go to Ireland, to honor Lena’s Irish roots.

She had no memories of her mother’s homeland.  
There had always been a connection with Ireland in her heart. The land she longed to be for so long.  
As a little girl she had fantasized about the place, whenever she was hiding from her father and Lex wasn’t there to protect her. It was her happy place in her mind, always accessible whenever she needed to hide in her mind for whatever the reason.

To her, Ireland was a magical place, filled with rainbows, fairy-tales, and love.  
She would be welcomed like a lost sheep and all would be well.  
Her imagination brought her to her family, her mother might as well had a sister, she didn’t know anything about her mother’s side of the family.  
She ended up with the Luthors.

Lena wasn’t just adopted. Lionel turned out to be her biological father.  
The resemblance couldn’t have been clearer at the moment…  
Her alcohol consumption was more than average, save to say.   
And she was also cheating on her spouse, just like her father did with her mother.

Lena had never witnessed the Luthors in a happy relationship.  
She was the product of his betrayal.  
Lex had told her, her mother wasn’t just a slip, she wasn’t just an affair…  
Lex had called Lena’s mother the love of their father’s life.  
Still, he left her alone with a child to care for on her own.  
He didn’t take good care of her.  
If family history was doomed to repeat itself, she would neglect Kara and her marriage with William would become cold and loveless.

A shiver ran down her spine.  
Good thing William is nothing like Lillian.  
And she refused to make the same mistake with Kara, her father made with her mother.

Her picture of Ireland was so wonderful, she never dared to go there.  
It could only be a disappointment.   
She promised herself, she would go there one day, when she had found the love of her life.  
If she was there with her one true love, at least the fantasy of feeling loved in Ireland would be true.  
Her motherland would be linked with love like she always dreamed it would be.

For years Lena imagined it to be Kara next to her on the cliffs of Moher.  
They would dance and drink in the pubs, where Kara would spin her around until Lena couldn’t feel her feet anymore.  
Together they would find peace of mind hiking in the beautiful nature.  
Kara, with her amazing linguistical talent, would learn to speak Gaelic just for fun.  
They would travel the Ring of Kerry and would visit some of the many castles Ireland had to offer. 

But Kara didn’t seem to want her back.  
So, she gave up on that dream.  
Instead, William walked into her life.  
He loved her and made her feel important.  
Like the world was a better place because she was in it.  
She would feel loved in Ireland if she would go with him.

\-------------------------------------------

“Lena darling, your tea is getting cold.”   
Lena shook herself out of her thoughts.  
“Yes, thank you, Mrs. Dey.” She nodded with a smile.  
William’s mother was a sweet woman.  
Even though mothers made Lena nervous, Mrs. Dey had been nothing but kind to her.  
She even hugged her when they first met, something Lillian had never done.  
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could remember motherly love, it wasn’t completely strange to her, but she never expected it to be for her again.

William was out fishing with his father.  
That gave Mrs. Dey the perfect opportunity to bond with her daughter in law.  
Unlike William, Mrs. Dey was short and older than Lena had expected.  
William was an only child, his parents had lost hope they would ever be blessed with parenthood, but like a miracle mama Dey became pregnant.   
His kind eyes and a wide smile came from her, also his optimism and energetic nature.

“Would you like to see William’s baby pictures?” mama Dey asked.  
Lena beamed.  
She could have never imagined being welcomed into a home without anyone questioning her motives because of her last name.  
With the Dey’s, she was just Lena.  
Lena Dey to them, although she remained Luthor on all official papers, they didn’t care.  
She was one of them now.  
A family to call her own.

Here she was: sitting with her mother in law, looking at her husband’s baby pictures. This was such a cliché; it made her heart jump with the realization this was her reality. 

“The two of you would give me such beautiful grandchildren.” Mrs. Dey’s eyes twinkled as she fantasized about her offspring.  
Lena tensed up. Guilt crept up on her for the lovely woman next to her who wished for nothing more than to become a grandmother.  
“What is it, honey? Don’t you want to be a mother?” a caring hand took Lena’s hand in hers.  
“Well… I… I never really considered it. I… I don’t think I would be a very good mother.” She admitted with a stutter.  
Mama Dey stroke a loose strain of hair behind Lena’s ear, “Nonsense, sweetie. You are kind, caring, smart, strong, and fierce. A child couldn’t wish for a better mother.”  
Tears welled up in Lena’s eyes, “I’m sorry. I don’t even know how a mother is supposed to raise a child. I never really had the best example myself. I can’t possibly… I never dared to imagine myself in motherhood.” She blinked her building tears away. “Besides… These Luthor genes shouldn’t reproduce, the world is better off without a Luthor in it.” She forced a laugh in a failed attempt to make the subject seem less of a burden to her soul than it was.  
“My sweet Lena. You keep talking about the Luthors like they are created by the Devil himself. Yet, the only Luthor I know is you. And you are an Angel. William told me about all the good you do with your company. You make the world a better place.”  
This time an honest smile escaped.  
“And you are beautiful on top of that. My son couldn’t have found a better wife.” She opened her arms for Lena, who gladly accepted the embrace.  
“Besides, you are not going to raise the children alone. You will have William. He would be an amazing father.”

Lena couldn’t agree more; William would make a good father.  
But she was pretty sure he could have found a better wife to birth his children.  
One who didn’t kiss her best friend on their wedding day.  
One who didn’t have feelings for her best friend.

Gosh, this mother in law thingy was touching her soul.  
Her life would have been different if she grew up with a mother like Mrs. Dey.  
She didn’t deserve this much love.   
It was getting uncomfortable.

Lena got herself out of the embrace, “Yes, thank you.” She awkwardly scooted away from the elder woman.   
The chuckle of Mrs. Dey surprised Lena, “You really don’t know what it’s like to have a real mother, love. That’s okay. You are part of our family. Call me, mom if you like to. I would certainly like that.” She smiled.

Lena was grateful for all the kindness she was surrounded with. She nodded with a shy smile, “Thank you, mom.”   
Using the word ‘mom’ was weird to her. She called Lillian by her first name or ‘mother’ with so much poison mixed in the meaning it almost felt like an insult to call someone ‘mother’ again.

Both women pointed their attention back to the photobook. A particular picture stood out.   
Baby William was held by a tall, muscular, tanned, handsome man with a strong jawline. He was the spitting image of William.  
Lena remained speechless.  
She had noticed William looked nothing like his father. Mr. Dey was a little bit taller than Lena herself, he was as pale as Mrs. Dey and his jaw was hidden behind a big beard.   
“Ah, yes. I’m sure William has told you his father isn’t his biological father.” Mrs. Dey kept her voice light.  
For Lena, this was news she couldn’t hide on her face.  
“N… No, he did not.” Lena stammered.  
Her track record for coping with the news people kept something from her wasn’t the best.

Mrs. Dey took the picture book from Lena’s lap and put it back at the shelve.  
“Come, dear, help me prepare dinner for the men.” She encouraged her daughter in law.  
Lena would have been grossed out by that sentence if not for the fact that William was usually the one in the kitchen, making her a meal.

Confused as she was, she followed her mother in law towards the kitchen.  
The elder woman started talking as she was gathering her cooking supplies.  
Apparently, she needed to be busy to be able to tell her story.   
Lena was lost in the kitchen, she spent as little time as possible at that part of the house. She listened to William’s mother while trying to not get in the way.

“Since you are part of the family now, you have the right to know our family secret. William considers my husband as his real father; I suppose that’s why he never mentioned this to you. He prefers to deny it.” Mrs. Dey was opening up to Lena.  
Lena swallowed a lump in her throat. William not telling her about his father probably had nothing to do with her.   
“As you know, Henry and I were having problems getting children. It had always been my most desired wish to become a mother. Not becoming pregnant was a true nightmare that cast a shadow over our marriage. I have always loved Henry with all my heart, but he couldn’t imagine the pain I was in for not becoming a mother… Can you hand me the big bowl from the cabin behind you, dear?” she told her tale as Lena could tell people about her murdering, unloving family and childhood trauma. She seemed casual, but there was a heart-breaking pain hidden beneath the surface   
For the sake of dinner, Lena’s help with cooking stayed limited to handing Mrs. Dey the supplies she asked for.  
“We stayed married, but emotionally we grew apart. Henry went on with his life as nothing had changed. We lived our lives next to each other. He was still good to me; I shouldn’t have any complaints. He was perfect except for the fact that he accepted a childless life and I couldn’t. Would you give me that big knife from the draw, sweetheart?” Mrs. Dey talked on as if she didn’t interrupt her story with a request for Lena. 

Lena listened carefully to what the elder woman had to say.  
It felt almost too private to listen to like this story wasn’t meant for her. But Mrs. Dey chose to trust her with their family history. Lena was so used to people keeping their distance from her and not given her all of them. Apparently, not even William had let her in fully.   
Kara kept a big part of her life hidden from Lena for so long. Now that the secret is out, Lena wants to believe Kara trusts her. Since the wedding, it felt like nothing was holding their relationship back and Kara gave her all of her.

“I met Jonathan at a cultural festival. He was a talented writer, brave, and fearless. He swept my heart away.” Lena witnessed how her eyes turned dreamy at the memory of her Jonathan.   
“Anyway, he got me pregnant. I will spear you the details.” The woman smirked at Lena. She couldn’t help but chuckle at Mrs. Dey’s expression.  
“Did you ever consider leaving your husband for him?” Lena dared to ask.   
Mrs. Dey stopped chopping the vegetables and took a deep breath.  
She leaned on the kitchen counter, “I must admit, I did… My marriage with Henry had lost all its passion and Jonathan ignited a flame I had never felt before. He made my heart race. With him, I was one.” 

This story was closer to home for Lena than Mrs. Dey could imagine.

“Back in the day, we didn’t easily file for divorce. Besides, I had no reason to. On paper, Henry was still perfect for me. It would have been a humiliation for so many people. I would have been a disgrace to my family… Jonathan had nothing to offer. As a writer, he traveled where the tales were hiding.” She shook her head and continued chopping the greens.  
“We had to say goodbye. He moved away and I went on with my life. Jonathan left without knowing I was pregnant with his child.” Her sigh betrayed the cracking of her casual shell.  
Lena moved next to Mrs. Dey to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. Mama Dey squeezed Lena’s hand in gratitude.  
“Did… Did your husband knew the child wasn’t his?” Lena was feeling for the woman.   
Beneath her hand, she could feel a wall going up again.  
“He did. He knew he was sterile.” She frowned.  
“And he never told you?” Lena asked surprised.  
Mama Dey shook her head.   
“No… We needed time to rebuild our relationship. I longed for Jonathan, but saving my marriage with Henry was my duty as a wife. It was a different time back then. If something was wrong with your marriage, you were in it together. You couldn’t just leave as many young folks to do… We agreed upon being honest with each other and William. I think our value of honesty is why William became such an excellent reporter. Henry turned out to be a wonderful father. I am glad we made it through.” She took Lena’s hand from her shoulder and kissed it with a thankful smile.

This hits Lena in so many ways.  
She was not being honest with William.  
If family history was about to repeat itself, she was not only her father but also William's mother.  
This was torture.

Mrs. Dey continued with preparing dinner, “Almost two years later, Jonathan returned for my hand. I declined. Henry, William, and I had become a stable family. It was Henry’s idea to introduced Jonathan to William. Maybe he could be a part of William's life if he was interested. Jonathan gave it a halve year. After that, he disappeared and we never heard from him again.”  
Lena opened her mouth, but words remained unspoken.  
“It appeared I fought for the right man.” Mama Dey smiled proudly.   
Lena sighed, “I’m glad you did.” She smiled back at her.

“Speaking of the right man… Yours is just walking in.” she pointed behind Lena.  
William opened the front door. He beamed when his eyes met Lena’s.  
“Hello, my beautiful wife.” He greeted her with a wide smile, “I won’t get tired of saying that.”  
Lena got overwhelmed with guilt. She launched herself at him to hide in his arms.  
He carefully put his hands on her back, “Woo… What is the matter, darling?” The worry in his voice cut like a knife through Lena’s heart.  
“I… I’m…” she stammered.   
“I just told her about Jonathan.” Mrs. Dey cut in, saving Lena from an uncomfortable explanation.

William wrapped Lena in a caring embrace, “I’m sorry, Lena. I should have been the one to tell you… You shouldn’t have done that.” The last words were meant for his mother.  
“Lena stumbled upon his picture in your baby album.”   
“You showed her my baby album?... Of course, you did.”   
Lena nuzzled her face against his chest. She was grateful for Mrs. Dey’s interference, even though this couldn’t last forever. With honesty so high in values for the Deys, she had to come to clean at some point.  
“So… Mom showed you my baby-butt.” He joked.  
He was able to make Lena laugh again, “Yeah, she did.” She looked up at him, “A very cute, little butt.”

She tore herself out of her pity-party before dinner was served.  
Lena promised herself to enjoy her family time with the Deys and leave her thoughts behind.  
That also meant she should keep Kara out of her mind, which was a hard task considering she thought about her at least ones during every conversation she had. It was hard enough to no let her name slip during talking because something reminded her of Kara again.

“Lena and I prepared dinner for you.” Mrs. Dey announced as she took the lit of the pan.  
“Oh please, I hardly did anything but handing mom her cooking supplies.” She informed William with a quirked eyebrow.  
Using the word ‘mom’ to describe Mrs. Dey didn’t feel natural to her, she wondered if it ever would.

Lena had just taken her first bite when Mrs. Dey opened conversation again, “Lena dear, who was that pretty blonde girl that gave you away?”  
Her throat immediately went dry, which made swallowing her food nearly impossible.   
She did not want to think about Kara, yet here she was again.   
Lena felt like choking, it made her cough uncontrollably.  
William gently padded her back as she cleared her throat.  
“I’m sorry. Crumble.” She explained.

“Kara is Lena’s best friend,” William explained as Lena was still recovering.  
“Kara… I have heard that name before. Wasn’t she-”   
“Yes, mom! Kara was the girl I liked before I met Lena.” William cut his mother off.  
Lena’s eyes grew big.  
“O, come on Lena. You knew that. And you must be able to see Kara is an attractive woman. Not as beautiful as you are, but she is still a nice treat to the eye.” William defended himself.  
He took Lena’s nonverbal reaction different than anything that went on in her mind.  
“Well, she looks like a lovely girl, Lena. The two of you seem very close.” She noted.  
Lena got uncomfortable. She didn’t want to talk about Kara at all. Especially not about how close the two of them are.

Mrs. Dey went on with her truth bombing observations, “The way the two of you danced. If I didn’t know any better-”  
“Mother, please!” William interrupted before she could finish her sentence.  
Lena’s stomach was turning uncomfortably.  
“What? It’s very modern, dear. Have you ever seen that show? What’s it called… You, me, her?” Mrs. Dey might be taking that honesty thing a bit too far. Was she serious or just joking around? It made Lena’s head spin either way.  
“LENA IS STRAIGHT!” William lashed out, slamming his hand on the table.  
“Well, dear. There is no reason to talk to your mother like that.” Mrs. Dey wasn’t impressed with William's outburst at all.  
Lena was startled.  
The space between them became too close for comfort, Lena had to back away from him.  
“All I am saying is, that Kara girl is clearly very important to your Lena-” nobody seemed to notice her discomfort.  
“Stop it, mother! Lena is my wife and only mine.” His possessive words sent a shiver down her spine.  
The energy in the room became threatening to her, while the Deys weren’t bothered at all.   
Mr. Dey stayed out of it. He was a man of little words. His dinner was more important than anything happening around him.

Her heartbeat pounded strong in her chest.  
“Excuse me.” She stood up and left.   
Away from this situation that made her feel insecure and unsafe.  
William got up and walked in her pace, “Lena, wait-”  
“Don’t follow me!” she demanded without blessing him with even a glance.   
The front door slammed between them.  
Lena didn’t mean to, she just needed to getaway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The honeymoon became so much more than I planned it to be.  
> I decided to cut it in half.  
> The next chapter will be an emotional rollercoaster and I will try to make up for the lack of Kara in this chapter.
> 
> Leave I comment.  
> I would appreciate that.


	4. The Honeymoon - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena had stormed off during dinner with the Deys.  
> It all became too much.  
> She wandered around outside, trapped within her mind.  
> A panic attack took hold of her.  
> She did the only thing she could think of...  
> Lena pressed the button on her watch.
> 
> And Kara took care of her alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild warning for sexy time!  
> No smut.
> 
> Enjoy this fluffy and caring Supercorp chapter.

The rhythm of heels clicking on the pavement gave away the big steps she took in her haste to leave the Dey house.

So many things happened at once:  
Her guilt over having feelings for Kara.  
William screaming and slamming the table.  
Mama Dey talking way too much.  
William claiming her as his wife and only his.  
Her not being honest with William…

Panic crept up on Lena.  
She was having such a nice day with her mother in law.  
Within minutes she messed it all up by leaving.  
Normally she is a woman who can win every argument with her wit.  
Her conversation skills are famous amongst the high society of National City and far beyond.  
Everyone who had been in contact with the young Luthor would describe her as strong, calm, diplomatic, intelligent, hard when needed to and caring when allowed to.  
That description of her was only a part of Lena Luthor. In her private life, she could turn into a fragile, insecure, and scared little girl when confronted with her inner demons.  
She just walked away.

Today, Lena got a glimpse of life as Mrs. Dey.  
Mama Dey even believed she could be a good mother, something she never considered herself to be.  
She could barely remember her own mother. Her mother was a good swimmer, in her memory, but still, she drowned and Lena would never find out what really happened. The only thing she knew for certain was, she watched her mother drown and did nothing about it.  
Lillian favored Lex over her. She made sure Lena knew she could never measure up. She was a bastard that didn’t belong. She was a failure and a bother.  
Being accepted by the Deys as just Lena… and William's mother thinking she could be a good mother. Lena didn’t deserve that praise.  
This life was too good to be true for her.  
She wasn’t worthy.

And then William shouting she was straight.  
An unexplainable hurt that pierced her soul.  
She was not.  
She was definitely not straight.  
He presumed she was straight and it did hurt.  
There was a judgment in his voice like she wasn’t allowed to be anything else.

She felt like a disgrace.  
A failure.  
She had fucked up on so many levels.  
No… He fucked up.  
But she kissed Kara on their wedding day.

Lena tangled her fingers in her hair.  
The environment around her was unknown to her.  
She had been wandering for a while, so far up in her head, she had no idea where she ended up.

Tears were streaming down her face.  
Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears.  
Breathing became harder and harder.  
The trees around her seemed to close in on her.

This must be what dying feels like.  
The world was so threatening.  
The danger was lurking in every shadow, capable of jumping her at any moment.  
If she would die right now, would that be okay?  
All her worries would be over.  
The world would get rid of another Luthor.  
Was she ready to accept her fate?

Oh God, this was so scary.  
Her knees gave out and she landed between the moisty leaves.

In her panic, she reached for her phone.  
Her hands were shaking too badly to even unlock her screen.  
The uncontrollable trembling made her drop her phone.

In her moment of weakness, she did the only thing she could still think of…  
Her last life-line.  
She pressed the button on her watch.

Lena desperately gasped for air.  
She dropped on her back.  
The pain in her head felt like her skull was split into two.  
She pressed her hands against both sides as if she wanted to keep her brain from breaking open with all the force she could imply on her head.  
A scream pierced her hearing.  
It was her own voice, howling in pain.

Two soft hands covered her own, rubbing thumbs over the back of her hands, “I’m here. I’m here, Lena. I’m here.” A sweet soothing voice repeated her words like a mantra until Lena was able to accept the person at her side.  
“Look at me, Lena. Look at me.” She was ordered.

Lena was panting heavily, trying to catch her breath.  
She carefully replaced the grip on her head by holding on to the two warm hands of her savior.  
The blurred vision from her barred open eyes had no trouble recognizing the woman who was hovering above her. 

“K… K-” she stuttered.  
“Don’t speak, yet.” Kara helped her to sit up, “Catch your breath first. I’m not going anywhere.”  
Lena took deep breaths, “Take your time, Lee. You are doing good.”  
With the strong and steady body of the Super sitting behind her, Lena could let go and sink into her.  
The intertwining of their hands was like a link back to reality.  
“I have got you. I’m not going anywhere.”  
At the place where her skull was threatening to split open a few moments ago, Lena felt two lips tenderly kissing her.  
The gesture was warming her from the inside, curing her headache like an ointment. 

It took a while before Lena was calm enough to speak.  
She bowed her head down in shame, “Kara, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. I don’t know what was happening. I can’t imagine what you must think of me.” She apologized.  
“Are you crazy? Your heart was racing. Lena… I think you were having a panic attack.”  
From her position behind Lena, Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist and put her head on Lena’s shoulder, “I’m glad you called.”

Lena was impressed by the panic attack she just had.  
She had freaked out before, but never like this.  
“I thought I was dying.” She scoffed, “That is ridiculous.”  
With Kara as her strong anchor, she could relax again. Kara’s head was a safe place to rest her head against.  
“Don’t say that. It’s not ridiculous at all… It is scary as hell.” Kara ensured her while stroking Lena’s hair.

Kara didn’t even ask for an explanation. She was just there for her to disappear into.  
Normal abs couldn’t have kept Lena leaning against her in that position for long, good thing Kara has Kryptonian abs.  
The Supergirl cradled her.  
After Lena whimpered her head was still hurting a bit, her skull was treated with a gentle massage.

With Kara, she never felt like she had to try so hard. She could just be, and she was enough. Even at her worst days.  
Defenses were unnecessary when she was with her. Lena could let go and Kara would catch her in any meaning of the word possible.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Kara couldn’t hide her worry any longer.  
With a slight turn of her neck, Lena’s eyes found the sapphire blue’s of Kara.  
She nodded, “But it’s getting a bit chilly and my clothes are wet…” she shivered.

Kara’s eyes lit up, “Can I leave you alone for a minute?” she was up to something.  
Even though Lena was suspicious, she trusted Kara. “Yes?” was her doubtful answer.  
Kara kissed her nose, “I’ll be right back, take my time.”  
She shot off. Lena heard a loud bang which she figured was Supergirl flying through the sound barrier.  
Lena had to chuckle. Kara had given herself a speed challenge.  
That goof could always make her smile.

The brunette pushed herself off the ground and slapped the leaves and branches of her moisty clothing.  
“Hold this.”  
Before Lena realized what was happening, some soft fabric was pushed in her arms and Supergirl disappeared again.  
Lena could feel Kara in her presence on and off again. She wasn’t able to see her, but she could certainly feel the wind of her speed chilling her body.

“There.” Supergirl lit a bonfire with her laser eyes.  
“What’s my time?” Kara beamed.  
Lena laughed out loud, “You didn’t even give me the chance to time you. You were done in the blink of an eye, very impressive.”  
Kara presented her with a theatrical bow, “Thank you.” She joked.

The fabric in Lena’s arms appeared to be dry clothing in the form of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and a large blanket, big enough for the two of them.

“You want me to change into these?” Lena asked with a smirk and a quirked eyebrow.  
“Well, if you keep on wearing those wet clothes, you might catch a cold… I won’t look.” She turned around to give Lena some privacy.

“This doesn’t look flattering on me at all.” Lena joked, placing a hand on Kara’s shoulder as a sign she could turn around.  
In Kara’s turn to face Lena, they ended up in each other’s space.  
Lena could feel her heart skip a beat.  
She witnessed how Kara’s face was shifting colors to a shade of pink, eying her up and down.  
“Now you are being ridiculous. You look cute in my clothes.” She smiled bashfully. 

Lena looked down at what she was wearing. Of course, these were Kara’s. She flew across the ocean just to get her something dry to wear.

“Oh… eh… I… Here, sit down. I’ll put your clothing close to the fire where they can dry.” Kara offered.  
Lena sat down at the tree trunk Kara placed close to the fire.  
With care, Kara wrapped the blanket around her. A few feet away from her, Kara picked her spot on the tree trunk.

Lena could appreciate the respect Kara showed for her boundaries, if not for the fact Lena didn’t have those boundaries with her.  
Being with Kara felt like home, unlike the house she just ran away from.  
She scooted close to Kara, wrapping her with herself in the blanket.  
“I’m cold without you.” She explained with a shy whisper.

While the sun was setting, Lena told Kara all about her honeymoon.

“It was so perfect…” Lena sighed.  
As if Kara could sense her thoughts she asked, “Too perfect?”  
Lena nodded, “Uncomfortably perfect. It doesn’t feel like that life could ever be mine. It was like I was blessed with taking a peek into someone else’s life… I don’t deserve it.”  
Her gaze was drawn to the flames.  
Kara wrapped herself around Lena, “You deserve the world, Lee. I wish you could see that as I do.”  
Unable to argue with Kara’s kind words Lena smiled sadly, “That is sweet of you. Thanks.”  
She nuzzled herself in Kara’s embrace.

“That is not why you ended up here with a panic attack, is it?” Kara asked.  
Lena swallowed al lump in her throat, “No, it’s not.”  
She tried to explain what happened during dinner.

“I didn’t know you were straight.” Kara could lighten the mood with just one silly joke.  
William wasn’t the only one who could make Lena laugh. Kara owned that skill as much as he did, maybe even more so.  
Lena rolled her eyes, “Oh please, you are not the first girl I kissed.”  
“I’m not?!” Kara pretended to be shocked.  
Lena chuckled, thankful for the light Kara shined on this dark evening.

Kara’s silly reaction made Lena wonder, “Am I your first girl?”  
It remained quiet for a while. Lena shifted a little to find a flustered Kara shrugging her shoulders with a shy smile.  
“Oh my God, I totally am!” Lena blurted out with a proud grin.  
With a swing, she draped her legs over Kara’s lap and took her face into her hands.  
“That is so cute.”  
Lena couldn’t resist kissing the blushing girl, who gladly accepted by deepening the touch.  
With a laugh, they parted, “I couldn’t tell.” Lena complimented her.  
She wrapped her arms around the Kryptonian neck, “Didn’t it scare you when you figured out you had feelings for a woman?”  
Kara shook her head, “Kryptonians aren’t straight. The concept of love being linked to gender was something I had to get used to when I learned to adapt to my new life on Earth. Kryptonians fall in love with a soul. I have always been open to the possibility of my true love not being a guy.” She explained.

While the fire was crackling, Lena got lost in the warm glow the flames blessed Kara’s face with. Her beauty was hypnotizing. All her worries seemed to disappear when she looked into those eyes. Time stood still, for all Lena cared, time could be frozen forever as long as she could lose herself in Kara’s eyes. They told her everything. They were everything.

Kara broke their connection with a wide grin.  
“You, me, her?” Kara laughed, “Have you ever seen that show? She was encouraging her son to start a polyamorous relationship with you and me.” She giggled.  
“Not that there is anything wrong with that… For some people, it works perfectly. I just don’t see myself growing old with William.” Kara chuckled.  
“Neither do I.” the words were out before Lena had given them a second thought.  
She gasped. Her eyes met the wide-open, hopeful eyes of the blonde Danvers.

Lena realized how true her words were.  
“Oh, shit.”

Kara was visually trying to contain her laughter.  
“Don’t laugh, Kar. Don’t you dare.” Lena warned her, barely keeping herself from a wide smile. She would be disrespectful towards William to laugh about this.

“You were way to quick with your reaction for it to not be true.” Kara pressed her lips tight, making a muffled chuckling sound, her body shaking with laughter. Her eyes were twinkling with joy in the light of the flames.

Lena pressed her eyes tight, pressing her lips together to contain her smile and deflected her face away from Kara. She shook her head, “I guess Mrs. Dey’s brutal honesty that nobody asked for is contagious.” She dropped her head down, finally able to laugh.

Weird enough Kara let out only a modest laugh.  
Her fingers combed through Lena’s hair.  
“Who says nobody asked for that honesty?” Kara whispered in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine, taking her breath away in an instant.

Lena turned her head. Their cheeks warm against each other.  
The heat caused by the woman next to her was more overwhelming than the fire could ever be.  
She was slowly moving until her lips brushed the skin just beneath Kara’s jaw.

Gosh, Kara smelled so good.  
This moment right here with Kara was all that existed.

Lena’s tongue slipped out, gently tasting the Kryptonian skin.  
Her movements became sloppier as she started kissing Kara’s neck.  
She didn’t seem to mind, tilting her head to clear Lena with better access.  
Warm hands carefully found their way underneath the sweater, resting at the lower part of Lena’s ribs.  
Lena moved her kisses up until she locked lips with her best friend.  
With her hands tangled in blonde curls, she slid herself fully on Kara’s lap.  
Kara’s fingers traveled up her torso, tucking her sweatshirt up.

The two broke off their kiss.  
Lena met two dark blue, loving, and dreamy eyes filled with desire.  
Kara hesitantly spoke, “Do you want to-”  
Lena didn’t let her finish.

“God, yes!”

\---------------------------------------------------

Two naked body’s laid tangled together, wrapped in the blanket next to the crackling fire.  
Yet again, the brunette was out of breath. The reason for her panting was a whole different story this time. Kara’s chest was a great place for Lena to lay her head to rest.  
The strong, solid rhythm of her beating heart was the most calming sound Lena had ever stumbled upon. Her fingers were drawing figures on Kara’s skin.  
Kara’s hands played lovingly with her hair.

The realization of what they had done became more clear by the minute.  
The euphoric feeling was slowly flowing out of her body.  
Lena wanted to hold on to this moment for as long as possible.  
Unfortunately, this couldn’t last forever. 

“Oh fuck, Kara.” Lena cursed.  
“Yes, you just did.” Kara joked.  
“Don’t be a smartass.” Guilt was creeping up on her, “I just had sex while I’m at my honeymoon… With someone else than my husband, this time.” Lena concluded out loud.  
She deserved a firm facepalm. Why did she have to add she had slept with William, Kara didn’t need to hear that. Especially not right after they just became one.

“Oh…” Kara sounded disappointed, “I… I’m sorry.” She stopped fiddling with Lena’s hair.  
Lena tilted her head up so she could look at Kara.  
“No, that’s not… I mean… I’m glad this happened. You were… It’s just… I should talk to William…” Lena sighed.  
Kara nodded, “I understand.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Lena smiled, cuddling up against Kara again.  
Kara chuckled even though her eyes betrayed a sadness, “You make me happy, Lena… I would like to have you all to myself.” She confessed uncertainly.  
“I know I said you should give your marriage a chance, but it’s so hard to stay away from you. I don’t know if I could go back to being just your friend…”  
Lena kissed her cheek, “I think we have passed that stage. I believe this is what people would call: An affair.” She raised her eyebrows dramatically.  
Kara laughed, “So… Is the married woman going to leave her husband for her best friend? Find out next week in Dramatic affairs.”  
Both women laughed in tandem.

“I should get back,” Lena stated with a saddened heart.  
They got dressed. Lena had to put her own clothes back on to not raise suspicion.  
“I dropped my phone before, can you help me find it?” she asked Kara.  
With her x-ray vision, the Super found the device in an instant.

“13 missed calls and 47 messages from William…” Lena sighed.  
“That doesn’t sound exorbitantly at all,” Kara noted sarcastically.  
“I should let him know I’m okay and coming back.”

Lena would have preferred to stay with Kara, but since it was her honeymoon with William, that would be pretty inappropriate.  
Kara looked so sad for having to leave her with her husband. Being in the waiting line to her heart couldn’t be an easy position to be in.  
“I’m sorry, Kara.” She cupped her cheek, “We will be okay.”  
“You promise?”  
“Always!”

Kara dropped Lena of a street away from the Deys, so she would not be spotted.  
They said their goodbyes with a last passionate kiss they stretched out as long as possible.  
“If you need me, for whatever the reason… You just have to press the button and I will be there as quick as possible.” Kara assured her.

“Thank you, Kara... For everything!” she gave Kara a meaningful look.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.” 

Lena had to leave Kara behind.  
The Supergirl flew up to watch her get to the house safely. 

\---------------------------------------  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another part for the honeymoon coming up soon.  
> It became too long again.  
> So, I chopped it.
> 
> I do take inspiration from comments.  
> Please, do comment.  
> I appreciate it.


	5. The Honeymoon - part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING IN NOTES
> 
> Lena had spent her evening with Kara by the bonfire.  
> William had been waiting for her to get back and talk to her.  
> They get in an argument and have to deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!  
> This chapter requires a trigger warning for abuse.  
> For some, it may seem unnecessary, for others this may feel uncomfortably close to home.  
> I didn’t take this subject lightly and I tried to do it justice looking at it from different angles, staying away from the black and white abuser-victim approach.  
> Childhood trauma will also show itself in this chapter.

An uncomfortable silence lingered between the newlyweds as they sat next to each other at the edge of the twin bed.

Lena fidgeted with her fingers, keeping her eyes locked on the movement of her hands.  
She knew she had been wrong. Cheating on your husband during your honeymoon isn’t exactly a good omen for a successful marriage. They were doomed and Lena knew it.  
On the other hand… If he hadn’t yelled, she wouldn’t have walked out and none of this would have happened.   
A part of her was thankful he chased her away.  
This evening had made very clear what her heart desires most…   
It’s Kara.  
It has always been Kara.  
And it will always be Kara.

She needed to tell him.   
William deserved to know.   
Kara deserved absolution.  
Lena deserved to be set free.

She was so locked up within herself.  
Within this shitty situation.  
Trapped between heart and mind.  
Her heart was so loud, it was annoying to sit next to her husband.

Poor guy.  
He tried to love her.  
He wanted to give her the world.  
And she was slipping between his fingers, like a hand full of sand to become one with the beach called Kara.

Both of them waited for the other to make the first move.  
Lena was too stubborn to start the conversation.  
She didn’t want to be in this place in the first place.  
It would have been great if he would have been sound asleep when she got back, so she could slip in, dream about a lovely girl by the bonfire and deal with the consequences in the morning.

It was William who eventually gave in.  
“I’m glad you are back.”  
Lena hummed, she couldn’t answer to this, it wasn’t a question or anything she could react to without being the first to start the conversation.  
“You smell like smoke.” William gave their contact another try.  
“I was warming myself to the bonfire.” She explained cold and distant.  
“You know how to make a bonfire?”   
“That’s insulting. I’m a genius. I know how to make fire.”   
She realized how hostile she sounded.

William was probably hinting on taking a shower and Lena knew it was the appropriate thing to do.  
She wanted to stall cleaning herself for as long as possible. Her skin held the memory of what she and Kara had done together. Lena wasn’t ready to wash her away.  
She could still feel her touch.  
Her kisses.  
Smell her scent.  
Taste her lips.

“I’m sorry about my mother. She says everything that comes to her mind.” He scoffed.  
“You presumed I was straight.” Lena deadpanned, correcting him on his apology on behalf of his mother. She didn’t care about what mama Dey had said. This needed to be cleared. It could also be an opening to her confessing her feelings for Kara.

She could hear William clear his throat, “And you are not.” He noted.   
“I am not.” Lena acknowledged.   
“I knew that.” His voice was cracking.  
Lena had trouble controlling herself. She clenched her fists to keep her voice steady, “If you knew… Why did you say I was straight? That was hurtful.”  
“I… I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was trying to convince myself.” His voice trembled.  
“Why?” Lena asked emotionless.

A few minutes passed without them saying a word.  
“Why, William?” Lena got impatient.  
“Because I didn’t want it to be true.” He raised his voice, not enough to wake his parents, but still enough to give away his insecurity.  
“What?” Lena couldn’t believe her ears, her head jerked into his direction. She had to process his words as anger build in her system.   
What did he mean? Was she not allowed to be anything else but straight?  
“I see the way you look at her, I’m not blind.” His tear-filled eyes met Lena’s. He had balled his fists and his voice became a little louder again.  
Lena frowned her brows, unsure how to react.   
He was suspicious of them together, with good reason. 

“I want you to stop seeing her!” His request was firm.  
“Excuse me?” Lena couldn’t believe what he was asking of her.  
“She is destroying our marriage.” his voice reached a volume able to wake up his parents.  
“You can’t tell me what to do!” Lena couldn’t sit quietly next to him, she had to stand up. Literally.   
He got up and grabbed her upper arm, jerking her back to him.  
A pain shot through the touch. His fingers dug into her flesh.  
“You are my wife!” he growled with gritted teeth.  
“I love her.” Lena bit back at him.   
He tightened his grip on her arm even further and tossed her away from him.

Lena’s leg bumped into the blanket box. Losing her balance, she crashed her ribs on the wooden knob of the bedframe, hitting her head at the hardwood floor.

A tiny box in the back of her mind tumbled over.  
This particular box was stocked far back to never be opened again.  
It held the key to her survival technique she mastered as a little girl.  
Her skill to escape to her happy place.

_She stood in a field with the most beautiful shades of green.  
The drizzling weather gave nature her magic glow.  
In the distance, a clear rainbow filled the sky.  
It was her imaginary Ireland._

_“Lena? Lena!”  
The voice of a man echoed in her head. _

She had to find a safe male to find comfort with.  
A good man to explain the voice.

_In her search for the voice she found Brainy near a lake.  
Brainy is safe.  
Brainy is a friend.  
He was a lot taller than she remembered.  
She ran towards him and embraced him for as far as her tiny arms could reach.  
Her head nuzzled against his tummy as his hands held her shoulders.  
“Lena!” the voice didn’t match Brainy’s.  
It was hard for Lena to deform his voice in making it matching._

_The voice was dying out.  
Brainy faded away in her arms.  
“No… Don’t go. Please, don’t leave me!” she whimpered, tears streaming down her face.  
She sniffed as she tried to wipe her streaming tears away with her little fists._

This was supposed to be her happy place.  
She had to find her safety fast before she lost all control.

_“Hey, Little Lena.” A melodic female voice was calling for her.  
Lena turned around to find a tall woman standing behind her.  
The woman squatted to meet with her eye level.  
“Kara?” Lena was surprised to find Kara in her Ireland._

The last time she was here, she was surrounded by created family members who loved her and took care of her.  
Now, they were nowhere to be found.  
Like she didn’t remember them.  
Instead, she created Brainy and Kara.

_“Why are you crying, little Lena?” Kara asked with a warm voice.  
“I… I am scared.” Lena sniffled.  
Kara used her thumbs to sweep her tears away from her cheeks.  
“You don’t have to be, Little Lena. I am here.” She opened her arms for Lena to disappear in.  
With Kara in a squat, Lena was a little taller.  
Embraced by Kara she was able to cry her heart out.  
“Hush, Little Lena. What a pain in that small body of yours. Let it all out, I’ve got you.”  
“You… promise?” Lena’s small voice was muffled in Kara’s neck.  
“Everywhere you go, I am with you. A part of me is with you. Always.” She ensured her._

_Lena was feeling herself get stronger because Kara was with her.  
Her tears dried out._

_Kara released her from the embrace.  
“Where are all the other people?” Lena asked.  
Taking her tiny shoulders in her hands, she searched for eye contact with Lena.  
“Who do you mean, Little Lena?” Kara questioned.  
“My family. I can’t imagine them anymore. They used to keep me safe.” Lena worried.  
Kara provided her with a warm and soothing smile, “Silly, Little Lena. Take a good look around and tell me who you see.” She turned Lena around, not breaking their touch so Lena would feel their connection._

_At several places’ beams of sunshine broke through the drizzle, providing the field with little rainbows.  
In those magical bows, human shapes appeared becoming clearer by the second.  
“Alex!” Lena gasped, “And Brainy is back.” She smiled at the sight of him.  
“And I see Sam and Nia… and Kelly and J’onn… and James… And way back there, I think those are Eve and Andrea.” Lena summed them all up.  
Kara chuckled behind her, “Those are the people you feel safe with. Eve and Andrea might be far away and vague, but they are here. You do trust them enough to let them in your life.” she explained._

_Lena returned her focus on Kara, “Where is William?”  
“Why do you think he is not here?”   
Lena shrugs her tiny shoulders.  
“That is a question only you can answer, baby-girl,” Kara told her._

_“Now listen to me, Lena.” She made sure their eyes connected before she continued.  
“You are not a little girl anymore. You are a big girl now. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”   
Kara stood up, resulting in Lena looking up to her.  
“It’s time to grow up.”  
Kara offered Lena her hand._

_Lena looked at the hand hesitantly.  
Glancing up she found her confidence in Kara’s eyes._

_Little Lena took Kara’s hand.  
With their touch, Lena grew until their eyes met on the same level._

_“There is my woman.” Kara smiled.  
A warmth filled Lena’s soul.  
Strength flowed through her body, making her feel more secure.  
The confidence she found in Kara’s eyes only grew stronger.  
Love ignited her heart._

_“You can do this, Lena. You don’t need this place anymore. You are not alone anymore!”_

_With a kiss to Lena’s forehead, her Ireland disappeared, taking Kara with her._

Lena opened her eyes to find her vision being blurry.  
The hardwood floor beneath her was cold and had left a painful mark on her head.  
Wondering if she was the only person in the room, she tried to push herself up.  
Her ribs made her groan in pain.  
She was able to roll herself on her back, reaching for her ribcage with the other hand, squinting her eyes shut.

“There you are, dear. William told me you tripped. He is getting you some ice for your head.” Mama Dey was with her.

Lena could barely feel the throbbing of her head over the pain in her ribs.

William got back with an icepack.   
“Darling, are you okay? You tripped and hit your head on the floor.” He helped her sit up.  
“I tripped?” Lena wasn’t sure about this.  
“You lost your balance because of your heels and fell over the blanket box.” He explained.  
“It was an accident!” Mrs. Dey added.

She couldn’t remember, but something seemed off.  
Her tripping over her heels seemed unlikely.  
She had won the stiletto-run of Metropolis several years ago.

William helped her off the ground to sit on the side of the bed.  
“Are you okay? How is your head?” He asked concerned.  
“I… My ribs hurt.” She wanted to lie and tell him she was fine, but she realized the pain shown on her face could not be hidden.  
He sighed saddened, “You hit the bedframe on your way down.” He explained.  
Lena nodded, keeping her eyes locked with his.  
“Can I get you anything?” he caressed her face with the palm of his hand.  
He was soft and sweet to her.  
“I think I could use a good night's rest. Hopefully, I feel better in the morning.”  
He nodded at her request.

“I will get you some painkillers, dear.” Mrs. Dey offered and rushed herself out of the bedroom.  
William gave Lena a warm and caring smile.  
“William, will you go help your mother? I think the painkillers are packed away too high for her to reach.” A voice out of the shadow gave the presence of Mr. Dey away.  
“I… Yes, I will.” He gave Lena’s hand a small squeeze before leaving.

Mr. Dey’s seriousness was off-putting. He made Lena feel uncomfortable.  
This man had barely said a word since they met. Now, when she felt so vulnerable, he had positioned himself alone with her in a room.   
He had closed the door behind William.  
Mr. Dey sat down next to her.  
“Lena, are you okay?” he whispered.  
Other than Lena expected, the tone in his voice was filled with concern.   
She nodded, “Y… yeah.” Even though she tried to sound convincing, her voice was small.  
“Can I leave you alone with William?”   
Lena frowned her brows. Why was that even a question?  
“Of course.” She said firmly.  
“Look… I know! If you need help, I am in the room next to you. Call for me and I’m here. You got that?!” his look was penetrating.  
Footsteps of Mrs. Dey and William were approaching in the hallway.  
“Lena?!” he demanded an answer.  
The door swung open.  
“Y-yeah, I will.” She promised him, even though she had no idea what he was talking about.

Lena had a hard time moving with her broken body.  
William offered to help Lena undress for the night.   
But for some reason, she didn’t feel comfortable with him being so close to her.  
“No, that’s alright. I just need a little more time.” She clumsily started pulling off her clothes.  
Lena couldn’t handle the staring gaze of her husband.  
“Can you please turn around? I feel exposed when you look at me like that.”   
He didn’t argue. He nodded and turned his back on her. 

Battling her bruised body, she wiggled herself out of the fabric, for the third time this evening.  
Her mind drifted off to Kara.  
Flustered she got in the bed.

William turned around, wrapping his arm around her waist.  
Her flinch made him pull his arm away.  
“S… sorry, Lena.” He turned himself away from her, keeping his distance in the bed.

With William fast asleep next to her, a restless night followed as Lena tried to wrap her head around what happened.  
Lena figured she missed parts in her memory. To retrieve them, she went over the situation in her head.  
She had made so many mistakes.

Her memory with Kara was still so clear, but after getting back to the Dey’s residents it became vague.

\----------------------------------------

As the morning broke, Lena was sore. Her muscles tensed. She couldn’t tell what pain was the result of pleasure and what was the result of the hit she took.  
William was up already. He must have let her sleep in. She woke up to an empty bed.  
With the smell of the bonfire lingering in her hair, a warm shower would also provide her muscles with the release of tension. 

After undressing herself, she observed her body in the bathroom mirror.  
Her face was smudged with dirt from her escape in the woods.  
She slightly smiled at the memory. 

Her eyes noticed a bruise on the side of her face, where her head hit the ground. Most of it was hidden behind her hair, which made the purple swelling less obvious.  
‘That’s what you get for losing your balance on your own heels.’ She thought to herself.

The hurt she felt with every breath was explained by a big purple bruise on her ribs.  
By the looks of it, Lena could assume her ribs took a serious hit and she would be feeling this for a while.   
Seeing the colored spot on her left side, made her remember she hit the bed knob on her way down after her leg had hit the blanket box. That bump made her limp slightly.

Besides the bruises, she noticed how Kara had left marks on her body.  
“Kara…” she grunted with a blush on her face.   
Good thing Lena didn’t allow William to undress her last night. How could she possibly explain she had slept with her best friend last night?

Her eyes got caught by the bruise on her left bicep.  
Why didn’t she notice before?  
The pain in her ribs took over all her senses, even though her arm surely did hurt.

With the image of her own broken body fresh in her mind, she entered the shower.  
The hot water made her aching muscles loosen up a little.  
She let the shower cleanse her, while her mind thought about the bruise on her arm.

It didn’t add up with the story of her tripping and losing her balance.  
Like a puzzle, the image of what had happened last night became clearer.  
She flinched as the memory of William yelling at her and grabbing her arm came back to her.

To test her hypothesis, she lay her right hand on top of the bruise on her left arm. Her fingers were a lot shorter, but the spot was definitely formed by a firm grip. 

“Oh, God.” She gasped. 

She didn’t trip.   
The threw her.

Because of the pain in her ribs, Lena was forced to control her heavy breathing.  
She whimpered in pain, grabbing for her left side with her right hand, leaning against the wall of the shower.  
Sliding down against the cold wall, she let her tears flow. 

William had hurt her, and she couldn’t blame him.  
She had been a horrible wife.

\-------------------------------------

“Good morning, dear. How is your head?” Mrs. Dey greeted her as if Lena had bumped her head into the door.  
“I’ll survive,” Lena answered truthfully.  
“I left you some painkillers with your breakfast.” Mama Dey had saved her a meal since it was late in the morning when Lena finally got downstairs.  
Great… painkillers for breakfast.

Lena was told William and Mr. Dey were out grocery shopping.  
She was grateful to spent some more time apart from her husband.   
The confrontation with William had to wait a little while longer.  
At least she could finish her breakfast.

Mrs. Dey was acting strange. Apart from her question about the headache, she acted like nothing out of the ordinary happened yesterday. She seemed nervous and was on edge.  
Pretending earlier events didn’t happen was familiar to Lena.  
When Lionel lost his temper, nobody spoke of it afterward, the little casket around her arm was simply ignored and Little Lena had to suck it in on her own. She shouldn’t have provoked her father after all.   
Many years later she still didn’t learn. She provoked William into losing his temper. She turned a sweet, cheerful, loving, and caring man into an insecure, sad, and desperate human being.

And she didn’t even tell him what she and Kara had done together.  
Maybe she should keep that memory to herself.  
Telling him would break him. That was unnecessary.   
He used to be a good man until Lena got into his life.   
She had hurt him more than he knew and she could never make that up to him.

A kiss on the unbruised side of her head startled her out of her train of thought.  
“Morning darling. I’ve got you something.” William offered her a bouquet.  
Lena smiled with disbelieve, “Plumerias! To what do I owe the pleasure?”  
“Can we talk?” he asked.  
Lena had just finished her breakfast and was sipping her tea.  
“Yeah… sure.”   
She followed William into the study.  
Mr. Dey’s watchful eyes followed them until they were out of sight.

“H… How are you feeling? Are you okay?” William’s voice was worried and kind.  
“Yes, I am… a bit sore to be honest.” She was toning her pain down as every breath did hurt.   
William frowned his brows. He reached for her hand.  
She didn’t want to hold his hand anymore, but she knew she owed him.

Lena strengthened herself to make eye contact with him.   
“I am sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He apologized.  
She knew it wasn’t just yelling. They both knew she didn’t trip. She didn’t have to bring that up. She didn’t have to hurt him anymore. He was already sorry.

His eyes held remorse.  
“Can I give you a hug?” he carefully stepped closer, respecting her boundaries.  
Rejecting him would be mean after what she did with Kara.  
“Uhm… yeah, that’s okay.” Her voice was small and insecure.  
Her body flinched as he put his arms around her.  
She couldn’t be touched, it physically hurt too much, she clenched her jaw and squinted her eyes to not let William know.  
He didn’t hold her tight.   
He didn’t hold her for long.  
He must have sensed her tensing up at his touch.

William released her, “I don’t want you to be afraid of me. I won’t hurt you.”  
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. It was an accident.” She told him.  
With a nod, he confirmed, “It was an accident.”   
“I know, Will. I remember everything. But it’s okay. I’m sure it won’t happen again.” She comforted him by stroking her hand through his hair.

He scoffed.  
Lena held onto the desk she was leaning into following his moves with her eyes.  
William dropped down on the worn-out couch.

“You are right… And I am so sorry, Lena.” He shook his head. His guilt was verbally flowing out of him.  
“I was afraid to lose you. To lose you to Kara, of all people. I know you are way out of my league, but still… you chose me.” He gave her a weak smile, “I feared you were drifting away. I wasn’t good enough for you. I tried to talk to you about my fears, but you remained so cold and distant… I reacted poorly. I didn’t want to hurt you, Lena. Honest. It was an accident.”  
William looked so small and fragile it made Lena feel sorry for him.

Lena moved towards him to put her hand on his shoulder, “If anyone doesn’t deserve the other, it’s me. I shouldn’t have been so distant.”  
He took her hand in his, tears spilling from his eyes.  
With a painful groan, Lena sat down beside him.   
“I am so sorry, William. I should have told you a lot sooner I had fallen in love with Kara.” She apologized with as much tenderness as she could give him.

His head yanked up, “You what?!” he looked shocked.  
This reaction surprised Lena, “I… thought I told you, yesterday. After that, you threw me.” Her volume increased as emotions spilled out.  
“I threw you?!” His expression changed, “You tripped, b*tch!” he screamed.  
His muscles tensed up.  
Lena’s body reacted by closing her eyes and preparing for impact.

“That’s enough!” A firm voice broke the tension between the newlyweds.  
“William, we have talked about this. Go take a hike, after that you can help your mother in the kitchen.”  
“I wasn’t going to-”  
“No discussion. Go!” Mr. Dey ordered him.

Lena was left on the couch, confused about Mr. Dey’s interference.   
She watched how Mr. Dey closed the door behind him.

With a deep sigh, he sat down next to her.  
His troubled expression revealed a hidden pain.  
“I am sorry about that, my child.”   
The man bowed down his head.  
“T... that’s okay.” Lena fiddled with the sleeves of her sweater, unsure how to handle this situation. She never had a conversation with her father in law before.

After a long uncomfortable silence, Mr. Dey spoke up, “I like you, Lena… And I know you didn’t trip.”  
Lena opened her mouth, tempted to defend William, she didn’t want his father to think he hurt her on purpose.  
“I talked with William this morning. Confronted him… I know your fall was his doing.” Mr. Dey beat her to it.  
“Oh…” was all the sound she could make.

A new silence filled the room.  
This didn’t help Lena’s nerves at all. She had no idea where this conversation was leading, but he didn’t give her the idea she had anything to fear from him.

“How are you feeling?” Mr. Dey sounded a lot calmer now and honestly concerned on top of that.  
“I am fine.” Lena lied, wanting this talk to be over as soon as possible, so they could go back to pretending this never happened.  
Mr. Dey took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, “You were prepared to take a beating from your husband, that is not fine at all.” He confronted her.  
“But he didn’t.” she defended him.  
“I saw your body language, Lena. The fact that you braced yourself for impact tells me you are not convinced he wouldn’t have. It also means you don’t feel safe with him.” Papa Dey corrected her.

She had to admit, being ready to accept a beating sounded a bit messed up.  
“Why do you care for me?” she wondered out loud.

He took a deep breath before he explained, “I don’t want history to repeat itself.”

Lena frowned her brows.  
History had already repeated itself. She cheated on her spouse, making the same mistake her father and mama Dey did. But they didn’t know that.  
She was confused, “What do you mean?” she asked him.

“William used force on you, Lena. He shouldn’t have.” Mr. Dey explained with a pained expression.  
“He didn’t mean to hurt me.” Lena scoffed casually. Her ribs punished her immediately for the scoff.  
“That may be. But he did. He didn’t control himself and he hurt the woman he loves. A man should never hurt his loved one. I just saw you cringe when you scoffed, you are in pain.” Mr. Dey was clear in his opinion.  
Lena’s guilt took over, “Don’t be so hard on him. I have been a terrible wife. I can’t blame him for-”  
“Nobody deserves that.” He cut in.  
“I have feelings for Kara.” Lena regretted her words as soon as they came out. They came as an ultimate defense to justify William’s outburst.

Mr. Dey frowned his brows, “Does William know?” he asked.  
Lena nodded, “I told him yesterday, I loved her. It just came up again. I think he didn’t understand I meant I had fallen in love with her. That’s what you walked into.”  
He nodded his head, “Nobody deserves to get hurt by their partner. Nothing can justify that. Period!” 

Lena got a bit irritated. “You are blowing this out of proportion. It was an accident. Aren’t you supposed to defend your son?”   
Her father in law scoffed at her reaction.  
“What is wrong with you? Are you so hard on him because he isn’t really your son?” Lena knew she was below the belt, but Mr. Dey was starting to annoy her with the way he treated William as a criminal.

Her father in law swallowed thick.   
“If he wasn’t my son, I would have beaten the crap out of him for treating you this way!”   
Lena’s eyes grew big from his confession.  
“What?” where was his outburst coming from? She didn’t understand why Mr. Dey would beat someone up for her.

He shifted in his seat, placing himself at the opposite corner of the couch.  
“I think I need to explain myself.” Mr. Dey calmly said.  
Lena made herself as comfortable as possible but remained silent awaiting his story.

“My wife told you about Jonathan.” he started.  
Lena nodded in confirmation.  
“After he came back, he didn’t want to have anything to do with William. He came back for Margret. He wanted her to leave me and William. She refused to go. She had waited her whole life to become a mother, she would never abandon her son.”  
Lena’s was slowly releasing her tension, listening to papa Dey’s side of the Dey family story.

“Jonathan, demanded her to leave us. He convinced her to stay away from us. I was losing my grip on her until we were basically separated. She only stayed close because of William.”  
“Didn’t that hurt you?” Lena asked curiously.   
“Terrible.”   
“Why didn’t you leave her?”  
“I love her. I always have. She is the mother to my child and he was bad news…” Mr. Dey stared out the window.  
“At first, she came home with light bruises… If I had to believe her, she was a very clumsy person in his presence… She kept defending him and making excuses for her wounds. Hearing her say to you, it was an accident, hit me hard. I don’t want you to think of it as an innocent accident.”   
Lena started to get a strong reaction from Mr. Dey on her bruises.

“I refuse to believe she truly loved him. She cared for his broken soul. She was stuck in this codependent relationship.” Mr. Dey took a deep breath, sinking back in his thoughts.  
“One day, I got a call from the hospital… Margret had fallen down the stairs and required medical care. I knew that was bullshit.” He balled his fists and clenched his jaw for a second.

“She told you, he disappeared and never returned?”   
Lena nodded.  
“I made him disappear.” He confessed pleased with himself.  
“Oooh!” Lena reacted meaningfully.   
She didn’t take Mr. Dey for the kind of man who made people ‘disappear’.   
“Not like that, Lena!” he corrected her, “I made him leave. He is alive somewhere, with no permanent damage.” A modest smile appeared on his face.

“Look, my child... Margret will always protect her little boy, even if that means closing her eyes on reality. You married into my family. I have always protected my family. This might seem like an incident to you… A little mistake that won’t happen again. And you can think of all the excuses in the world to justify his behavior… I want you to remember this for the rest of your life: Nothing can justify hurting your spouse! You should be safe with the one you love and they are supposed to defend you till their dying breath.” Mr. Dey searched for Lena’s confirmation.  
She listened carefully to what Mr. Dey had to say.  
Mr. Dey had been through this before with his wife, that was how history could repeat itself.

“Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Lena… You deserve better. We all make mistakes, but nobody deserves to be hurt by the people who are supposed to protect us.”  
Lena had always believed she didn’t deserve better treatment than the Luthors raised her with. Tears welled up in her eyes.

“I will take care of William.” Mr. Dey promised.  
Lena was shocked. Being raised by the Luthors she assumed he meant homicide.  
He must have seen it in Lena’s expression, “No, not like that! Gosh, who raised you?”   
Lena figured that was a fair question in this situation.  
“I meant he needs help. The way he dealt with his insecurities towards you is problematic. That needs to stop.” Mr. Dey promised Lena.

He convinced her William was going to be all right.   
The way Mr. Dey talks about him is without blame, but with acknowledgment of his problem.   
She was feeling sorry for William.   
“You need to take care of yourself from here on. I know you can do that.” He believed in her.

Lena had misjudged Mr. Dey. She thought he was a silent, cold, and distant man. But he was a great role model for William.   
If only she had a father like Mr. Dey.

Lena took a deep breath. Forgetting about her painful ribs again, she squinted her face.  
Note to self: No deep breaths.

“Careful.” He soothed her.   
“Now tell me, child. What are you going to do?” he asked.   
His question made Lena feel like she was on the verge of starting a new chapter in life, with the world at her feet. She didn’t need to take care of William, his parents would do that. She would feel guilty either way, but holding on to this relationship was a disaster waiting to happen.  
“I… I am going, to be honest with myself and with William. I need to talk to him” she spoke determined.

Mr. Dey approved with a kind smile and a nod, “I’m going to be close by, just in case. And whatever you choose, please follow your heart.”  
On his way to leave the room, Lena called after him, “Mr. Dey?”  
He stopped. Lena tried to push herself off the couch but failed miserably.  
Her father in law helped her up.   
She locked her arms around him as much as her ribs let her, “Thank you.” Thankful tears welled up in her eyes.  
“Please… call me Dad.” He winked.  
Lena didn’t bother blinking her tears away. These tears could be worn with pride.  
“Thanks, dad!”

\---------------------------------------------

“So… you are in love with Kara?”   
William opened the awkward conversation he and Lena had in the dining room, with the table as a buffer between the two of them.  
Lena nodded, “Yes, I am.” She answered aware of the impact this news had on him.  
Both were unable to look at each other.  
It was too confronting.  
Too intimate.  
Too definite.  
Everything about this screamed this was their break up moment.

“H… How long have you been in love with her?” he needed his answers.  
Lena had promised him and herself to be honest, “Since the day we met.” She confessed.  
His head jerked up, “Since you met? Did you ever love me?” his voice was trembling with sorrow instead of anger.  
“I did and I do.” Lena explained, “I gave up on her. She never showed interest in me that way… I gave up on love all together…”   
She looked up, into his eyes, “And there you were.” She smiled.  
“You opened my heart again and made me feel loved again. You made me smile. You were more than I could ever hope for.” Lena added truthfully. 

His mouth was slightly open, “You gave up on her. Why did you fell for her again, if I made you feel so good?”  
It was an honest question. One that made Lena have to come clean.  
“She kissed me.” Lena bit her lower lip at the confession. She knew how disrespectful it had been towards William.  
“When?” he asked in disbelieve.  
Lena swallowed, “Before she walked me down the aisle.”

William dropped back in his seat.  
He scoffed, “That explains why you said your ‘I do’ to her and not to me.”   
He shook his head, “I should have known.” Those words seemed to be directed to himself.

“Did you two ever…? You know!” he asked uncomfortably.  
Lena hoped he wouldn’t ask what she thought he was going to ask, “Know what?”   
William cleared his throat, “Did you sleep together?”   
He got the words out.  
Technically, they didn’t sleep, but reacting to that would be cruel.  
She nodded, “We did.”  
“When?”  
“Very recent.” She spoke softly.  
“You mean, right before our honeymoon?” he seemed puzzled.  
“It doesn’t matter, it happened.” Lena hoped he would leave it at that.

Lena didn’t know what else to say.   
William looked caught in his thoughts.  
A painful silence filled the room.

“Wait… She kissed you, right before she walked you down the aisle?”   
Lena nodded.  
“She didn’t confess her feelings for you any sooner?”  
She answered silently with a shook of her head.  
“That’s why it took you so long?”  
It was a rhetorical question; he already knew the answer. Still, Lena nodded in confirmation.

“She put you in a nasty position, Lena.” He concluded with a sigh.  
Lena looked up in surprise for his point of view.  
Just now Lena noticed how his expression had shifted.  
He looked thoughtful, caring, and kind.  
“If you had been in love with her for such a long time… You must have been confused.” He noted.

“I… I was actually. It didn’t matter what choice I would make at that moment. People were going to get hurt.” Lena dropped her eyes down.  
“And still… You chose me.” He smiled.  
Lena locked eyes with him again, “You wanted to give our marriage a chance, even though the girl you had been in love with since forever just kissed you.” His expression was understanding and thankful.  
“I couldn’t leave you standing at the altar. You didn’t deserve that humiliation.” She explained.

“Thank you for trying.” His watered eyes still held love for his wife.  
“Thank you for understanding.”

\----------------------------------------------------

William decided to stay with his parents for a little while longer.  
He promised to seek help for his insecurities and how to cope with them.

Lena would go home and search for a new place to live.   
She promised to let her bruises be checked by a doctor, to make sure her ribs weren’t broken.   
As long as she could tell the story of how she tripped on her heels.  
She didn’t feel like answering difficult questions. It was done now.

Lena thanked a crying Mrs. Dey for all the kindness and care.  
She wrapped her unbruised arm around Mr. Dey for a sideward hug, “I owe you, dad.” She thanked him.  
“The only thing you owe me is to never believe you deserve to be hurt again.” He spoke softly, so only she could hear him.  
She nodded, “I won’t. Thank you.”

“If you ever come to England again, you are always welcome here.” Mama Dey offered.

\---------------------------------------------------

In a car filled with silence, William drove her to the airport.  
All their words were spoken, nothing was left unsaid.  
Still, Lena was grateful for these last moments with her William.

Being the gentleman, he loaded her baggage into her private jet before offering her a helping hand.

“Lena… I truly am sorry for hurting you. That never should have happened. You didn’t deserve it.” He apologized.  
His earnestness touched Lena’s heart. She didn’t realize how much she needed to hear from him, she didn’t deserve that.  
“T-that means a lot to me.” A tear escaped her eyes.

“Can I… I mean… Uhm…” William shuffled nervously on his feet.  
She knew what he meant and smiled, “Yes, you can.”

They gave each other one last kiss goodbye.  
Their lips locked for they would never lock again.  
He was tender and loving.   
Soft and sweet.  
This was the man Lena had fallen in love with.  
The kiss got mixed with tears. Lena couldn’t even tell if they were his or hers.

They parted with soundless tears on their faces.

“Kara should better treat you well. If she doesn’t, you should tell me.” He smiled.  
Lena had to laugh, “Funny, she said the same thing.” She bit down the pain the laughter cost her.

“And go see a doctor.” He made her promise.  
“I will.”   
William walked out of the jet, turning around to face her once he had both his feet back on the ground.  
“Text me when you are home!”  
“I will!” 

The door closed between them.

Her jet had left the airport and was on its way back home.  
Lena had made herself as comfortable as possible.  
Even though she hated flying, being alone for a couple of hours didn’t feel like such a bad idea after the week she had.  
She took her phone out to make her first phone call towards National City.

“Hello?”  
“Hey Alex, this is Lena. Can you keep a secret?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn’t get the trigger warning and think William is just an asshole and Lena shouldn’t have accepted his crap, shouldn’t blame herself and should have walked off. I am happy for you. I truly am. And I hope you will never fully understand.
> 
> For those of you who did.  
> I hope I did this subject justice for you and you are safe now.
> 
> Not many of us have a Mr. Dey who mirrors us what is actually happening.  
> We are just surviving a shitty situation together.  
> I want to share some red flags that might help you catch on to a toxic and harmful relationship early on.  
> These are from my own experiences, so they will be incomplete, but I would like to share them anyway.
> 
> \- Feeling the need to defend them one for their behavior.  
> If you have this feeling: your gut is probably telling you, you do not fully support the behavior or you fear the behavior might get them in trouble (being disliked or whatever it may be)  
> \- Getting the feeling you have to choose between friends/family and them.  
> If they tell you they don’t trust your friends for whatever the reason might be an early sign of isolating you. Being isolated increases the risk of a codependent relationship because your world will get small.   
> \- Catching yourself say (or think) “You don’t know him/her/them like I do.”   
> I think this is a big one. Yes, you see your lover differently than other people do. You might see the great potential and a softer side. But the side your friends and family are warning you about are there as well and they feel the need to warn you for a reason. These people care about you, they have your best interest at heart.  
> \- Not being convinced about their honesty or even catching them on a lie.  
> In a good and loving relationship, you are honest and there is no need to lie. I am not talking about the childish stuff like ‘I didn’t take that last cookie’  
> \- Feeling guilty for no clear reason.  
> If they are trying to convince you, you did something wrong or didn’t do something you should have done. Telling you, you should have reacted differently. If you can’t think of any other reason for being to blame than because they told you… you are not to blame.  
> \- Feeling the need to save them.  
> A person can only be saved if they want to be saved. You can only save yourself. Abusers aren’t only mean persons. They are often broken and probably refuse to seek help. You are not their professional help! Even if you are a professional help for a living: Not in your relationship!!!  
> \- You might have fucked up, but nothing justifies violence!  
> They will give you the feeling you provoked them and they snapped. If someone snaps at their lover: That person is having a problem and should seek help for it. You are not the one to blame and not the one to fix this.
> 
> Remember:  
> You are not alone!
> 
> I am at Tumblr @superdorkdaph  
> I haven’t quite figured Tumblr out yet, but I am there if you need someone.


	6. Back in National City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena gets back to National City without her husband.  
> She asks Alex for medical help and has some explaining to do.  
> Her return to National City has to remain a secret to avoid difficult questions.  
> Somehow she has to deal with everything that happened back in England.  
> Lena desperately tries to leave her trauma behind.

Traveling across the Atlantic Ocean had never been a muscle relaxer, but this time Lena landed transformed into an old lady. Her bones felt like cracking and her muscles were so sore, she had to call someone to lift her out of her jet, it was humiliating.

The lesser people knew she was back in National City, the better. Rest was all she needed at the moment and above all, she needed for Kara to not find out how William was responsible for her bruises.  
Lena feared Kara’s reaction. She wouldn’t get why Lena still held sympathy for him. Kara would be mad and probably fly halve-way around the world to drop him on top of the Himalaya in his underwear.

Because Lena required medical care, she contacted Alex. So, Alex would know soon enough. She figured Alex might as well pick her up from the airport while she was at it.

“What on Earth have you been doing at your honeymoon that you can’t even get out of your seat?” the older Danvers sister had let herself in the jet and was now standing in front of the Luthor with her legs a bit wider than necessary and her hands on her hips.   
“Can you just-”   
“Yeah, you are right. I don’t want to know. Kara already talks way too much.” She cuts in as she bends down to wrap her arms around Lena’s waist, “Come on Lena, you can wrap your arms around my neck.”   
With a slight pull, Alex gets Lena on her feet.  
Her body protests against every movement, making Lena cry out on her way up.  
She cringed her arms close to her torso, grabbing on to the fabric of Alex’s shirt, squinting her eyes and gritting her teeth, groaning the hurt out of her until she was ready to move again.

“What the… Lena? You weren’t being overdramatic?!” Alex noted.  
Lena released a breath, finding support on Alex’s shoulder.  
“When have I ever been overdramatic?” she asked annoyed by her pain.  
“Well…”   
“Don’t even answer that!”

\------------------------------------------

After moving around for a while, Lena was able to undress.  
Alex had made sure Kara wouldn’t pop up unexpectedly in the medical lab, while she was examining Lena.  
“Can you close this for me please?” Lena was in a medical gown for patients that needed to be closed at the back.   
She turned so Alex could easily help her, but no help came. It remained uncomfortably silent.  
“Alex?” Lena took a glance over her shoulder to catch her staring at her back.   
Judging the look on Alex’s face, she figured her bruise must have been visible from behind. 

“Jesus, Lena. Let me take a look before we put you in the body scanner.” She had that aggressive worried tone in her voice, Kara had warned Lena about.  
Lena was uncomfortable enough without being on full exposure. She ignored Alex’s request.

“Lena, you want me to be your doctor. Let me do my job! If you won’t let me, I will send you to the nearest hospital and you can answer a bunch of difficult questions to people who will probably report a thing or two.” Alex’s threat was effective.  
She would rather have Alex see and know it all than have to go through this procedure many times, with many strangers and unknown consequences.

“That bruise on your arm… That’s a handprint.” Alex concluded.  
Lena nodded, wanting this to be over as soon as possible.  
With her arms crossed in front of her chest, Alex leaned against the examination table next to where Lena was sitting.  
She sighed, “William?”   
Lena bit her lip, “You get why I don’t want Kara to know?”  
Alex glanced at her from the corner of her eye, biting the inside of her cheek thoughtfully.  
“She might burn him alive and freeze his remains.” She decided on.  
“I didn’t think of that,” Lena groaned sarcastically.  
“I can’t promise you I can keep this a secret from Kara. She’s got some superpowers, you know…” Alex instantly regretted making Lena laugh as she saw the pained expression on her face.  
She took Lena’s hand to show her support, “Do you want to tell me what happened?” 

Lena wanted to. She wanted to get it off her chest. Besides, Alex was probably imagining a fate far worse than what actually happened and she needed to clarify that.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Lena. I’m glad papa Dey was there for you.” Alex gave her shoulder a little squeeze.  
“You do have some marks on your body, that are not yet explained.” She noted as she prepared the body scanner for use.  
“Oh… that would be your sisters doing.” Lena smiled shyly thinking back on how she got those marks.  
Alex stopped her process and blinked at Lena two times, “Gross.”

She continued working on the machinery, “Ready for use... Lay down, miss Luthor. Let’s rate that internal damage. See if you’ve earned a sticker.”   
Lena loved how Alex’s dark sense of humor met hers. As did their need for competition.  
Lena held the record to most assassination attempts on her life, while Alex scored higher in fatal wounds. They couldn’t agree on their list: who saved Supergirl’s life more times. Alex and Lena agreed that Kara would have been dead many times if it wasn’t for them.

Lena was nervous as she entered the scanner. She knew how powerful the machine was. She had designed it herself. It was meant to track down the smallest cracks and buds, strong enough to detect any possible danger for a Kryptonian. Even though Kara healed herself with the help of sunlight most of the time, this piece of machinery was capable of finding her old wounds and weaknesses.  
Lena was convinced, this scan would show a lot more than just how severely injured her ribs were. After this, Alex would know…

Still, having Alex know is a better option than random hospital staff or not getting checked up on and dying of internal bleeding.  
Although…   
No… Let’s not die of internal bleeding.

Maybe it was time.  
Like imaginary Kara said, _‘It’s time to grow up.’_  
“I count on your discretion,” Lena yelled out to Alex, more for her own comfort than for Alex. She knew the older Danvers could be very discreet. She has kept Kara’s secret for her entire life.

“So, do I get a sticker?” Lena joked uncomfortably.  
A pitiful look stared at her as she came out of the scanner.  
“Alex?” she didn’t like that look on her face at all. She knew Alex knew.

Alex shook her head out of thought, “Well… Your ribs are pretty bruised, but not broken. No internal bleeding. So, no sticker! Your ribs will hurt like hell for a couple of weeks. I prescribe rest. Not bed-rest, you do need to move. Just calm down.” Alex scribbled something down on paper.

Lena was getting herself dressed, with a little help from Alex.  
“Here.” Alex offered Lena the piece of paper she was just writing on.  
Lena took it with a questioned look, “What is this?”  
“It’s Kelly’s phone number.” She explained.  
Lena frowned her brows, “I have her phone number…”

“Okay… You know how powerful this machine is, I don’t have to explain it to you… And I know it’s none of my business, but the scan showed a lot of old bruises and fractures… I mean very old… I am your friend, Lena. You can always talk to me. You know you can talk to Kara… But I think professional help wouldn’t be a bad idea. This is Kelly’s professional phone-number. You can always give her a call.” Alex explained to her with care.  
A bit annoyed by her exposure, but thankful for Alex’s help, she nodded.

“Now for the good news.” Alex walked over to their scoreboard, hidden on the backside of the whiteboard, and flipped it over.  
“You’ve earned two stickers for our Trauma category.” She offered Lena the box with stickers to pick from.  
Lena smiled cockily.   
She had to admit, this coping style was dark, but it helped her and Alex deal with the bad things in life with some humor.

“Why two though? I thought we only did one at a time.” Lena smirked at Alex.  
“One for your abusive marriage, one for your childhood abuse.” Alex never avoided being direct with Lena, especially not when they were talking about the scoreboard. It didn’t matter how cruel the situation was, this approach made it less heavy for both of them.  
“Fuck you, Danvers!” Lena couldn’t help but feel lighter thanks to Alex’s harsh words.  
“Do you want the sticker or not?” Alex lifted her brows.  
“I’ll take the sticker.”   
She went through the box, to find her perfect stickers for this occasion.  
“A clover and a rainbow… Good choice. Care to explain?” Alex hid the box away while Lena put her stickers on the board.  
“Nope.”  
Alex took a stand next to Lena, both observing the scoreboard.  
“Would you look at that: you passed Kara in the overall score,” Alex noted.  
“Poor Kara, she doesn’t even play the game.”  
“She still doesn’t get why we pay her drinks at the end of the month.”  
“No more drinks for Kara. You pay for my drinks next time!” Lena grinned.  
“The month is not over yet. I might still get shot.” Alex joked.  
“That can be arranged.”

Alex softly bumped into Lena’s shoulder playfully.  
“Come on, I’ll take you home.” She offered, walking ahead of Lena.  
A childish disappointment took hold of her mood, “Hey… Where is my-”  
Alex turned around with a big smirk on her face, “Here is your lollipop.”   
It was part of the med lab ritual they had developed over the past year.  
Ever since Lena joined the supergroup, they had been using one of her labs as their medical center. Alex did most of the stitching, but whenever she required stitches herself, Lena was the best alternative doctor in the group. She left Alex with awful scars, but Alex wore them with pride. The two of them bonded thanks to their jokes about mortal wounds and their experiences flirting with death.   
Kara hated it when they did that. Her two favorite women were joking about dying and getting hurt. The scoreboard was an inside joke gotten out of hand, just to piss Kara off.   
It turned out to be a bandage to their mental wounds.

\------------------------------------------

In the next couple of days, Lena didn’t bother to get dressed or shower. In her comfortable pajama’s she was managing just fine. She had locked herself in her own home and ordered her food and groceries. Her body demanded a lot of rest in the form of sleep.   
All the pictures of her and William were put face down so she wouldn’t be reminded of them together. She simply didn’t want to be confronted.  
As much as she tried, there was no escape.   
The search history on her tablet held the memory of her attempt of finding a new place to live.  
The call history in her phone betrayed the calls she made with her divorce lawyer.

Lena was feeling restless in her own home. In the home, she still shared with William. She longed for nothing more than to curl up against Kara. In her arms, she could finally relax. Even though her body yearned for sleep, her mind was treating her with nightmares every night. The best periods of sleep she had were during the daytime. Something was soothing about the light.  
Kara’s number on her phone was on speed dial. Lena had her finger hovering above the dial button for more times than she could count. But it would mean an overly worried Kara, explaining to do, emotions and talking Kara out of doing anything to William.  
Kara usually was a beam of sunshine, but when emotions got high, she could react heated and impulsive.  
Lena wasn’t sure if she could deal with that right now. 

“No rest for the wicked.” She sighed to herself as she glanced up to the big wedding canvas of her and William on the wall.  
She was so annoyed by the image, but she was unable to get it down by herself.  
Her pride stopped her from calling Alex for help to get that thing off the wall and out of sight.  
She would just look the other way… If it was not for his face staring at her every time she came back from the kitchen.

\--------------------------

Far away in the back of her mind, Lena heard a thumping sound. She didn’t care what it was, as she was drifting off to dreamland during her midday nap on her couch.  
Two knocks kept her from falling asleep.  
“Go away, I’m not here.” She groaned more to herself than whoever dared to knock on her door.

The knocking became louder, followed by a muffled calling of her name, “Lena?” 

Lena suddenly realized the sound wasn’t coming from the front door at all.  
The sound was coming from the balcony.

Getting in movement after laying down was always the hardest part, one of the parts she didn’t want Kara to see.   
She clenched her jaw and bit through the pain for her movements to look as natural as possible.  
The sight of Kara came with a feeling of relief and fear at the same time.  
She stumbled to the balcony door to unlock it.

With Kara in her orbit again, the fear disappeared and relief overwhelmed her.  
Tears welled up in her eyes.  
Tears she didn’t want Kara to see at first.  
But right now… it didn’t matter.  
Kara was here.  
“Hey.” Lena could smile before she let herself fall into Kara’s embrace crying her tension out.

She didn’t realize how much on edge she was in the last few days.  
With Kara, she could let it all go.

“Lena? What’s wrong? Why are you home? You are supposed to be in Ireland now.” Kara sounded worried.  
Her arms wrapped caring around Lena’s body as Lena cried her eyes out on her shoulder.

“We… broke up.” She managed to explain through the sobs.  
“Oh, Lee. I’m sorry.” Kara kissed the side of her head.  
The pressure of Kara’s lips on her bruise made her flinch.  
Kara pulled back immediately.  
“What just happened?” she asked confused.

Lena took a step back and smiled weakly, “It’s nothing, really…”  
Kara squinted her eyes suspiciously. With her hand she strokes Lena’s hair, that was covering up her bruise, aside.  
Her eyes grew wide, “Wha-”.  
“I bumped my head on the floor,” Lena explained without lying.  
“Oh…” Kara nodded.

She let herself into the room, passing Lena on her way.  
“The floor isn’t meant for bumping into.” She joked dryly.

Thankful for Kara’s lightness, Lena smiled through her still flowing tears, “I’m so happy to see you.”  
The Kryptonian bowed her head and sighed, “I’m glad to see you too.” She admitted.  
Lena was taken aback by Kara’s distant attitude, “You don’t seem glad to see me.” She noted.  
“I am surprised to see you here. That’s all.” Kara crossed her arms in front of her chest.

A thick discomfort lingered between the two of them.  
Lena couldn’t find words to respond. She settled herself back down on her couch. Her eyes locked on Kara, awaiting her next move.

Kara leaned against the kitchen counter, keeping her distance from Lena.  
“I… eh… I was passing your building on my way home when I heard your heartbeat… That is how I had to figure out you were back home…” she explained.  
Lena had kept that possibility in mind, but she hoped she could have called Kara to tell her she was home when her bruises weren’t visible anymore.  
“I haven’t heard from you since… well…” Kara had trouble finding her words.   
Lena dropped her head down, “I didn’t mean to.” She couldn’t possibly explain more.  
“Yeah… Well… You did.” Kara sounded hurt.   
She went back to the balcony.  
“I’ll see you later, Lena. Perhaps after you took a shower, you stink.”  
With that Kara flew off.

Lena couldn’t even blame her.  
She wanted her to stay, but she couldn’t even bring up the words to ask her to stay.  
She wanted to hold her hand and keep her from leaving, but she just sat there watching her leave.

Lena had thought about calling or texting Kara so many times.   
Every time she was lost for words.   
What could she possibly say to her?  
Messages the size of a small article were deleted before they were sent.  
Conversations took place inside her head.  
The best nights she had, were when she could imagine herself curled up in Kara’s arms.  
Some nights she was even able to dream about her.  
Those dreams were a welcome distraction from all the nightmares.

Lost in her thoughts, Lena curled herself in the corner of her couch as much as physically possible. She took a deep breath.  
“Iehw!” Kara was right.  
She did stink.  
She just didn’t care enough before to notice.  
Her scent would only bother herself, so why go through the trouble of undressing, taking a shower and getting dressed again?  
Now that Kara knew she was back in town…  
Maybe she should start watching her personal hygiene again.

\-------------------------------

Being fresh and clean did nothing for her sleep schedule.  
She couldn’t stop thinking about Kara flying off.  
The look in her eyes: Disappointment and hurt.  
She blamed Lena for not contacting her after…  
After what?  
When was the last time they had contact?

Lena had been so caught up in her own drama, she didn’t realize she ghosted Kara ever since they slept together.  
“Shit!” Lena cursed out loud.  
Kara must have thought it had something to do with what they did.

Even though she was already in bed, she texted Kara:   
‘I just realized I never texted you afterward. I’m sorry, it had nothing to do with you. I want you to know that. Stuff came up and I got caught up in my own drama. I should have thought about you. I’ll leave my balcony door unlocked. You are always welcome.’  
…  
Her thumb hovered above the send button.   
It was way too much lame excuses. Information Kara deserved to hear in person. A sorry should be given face to face.  
She deleted it all.  
 _‘My balcony door is unlocked. You are welcome.’_ Was what she decided on sending. Clean and simple.  
 _‘I took a shower.’_ She added with a winking emoji in an attempt to lighten the mood.

She didn’t want to stare at her phone desperately waiting for a message back.  
She didn’t want to.  
She should put her phone away.  
She is going to put her phone away.

Kara is typing…

Now she can’t put her phone away.

Her heart rate accelerated as she was waiting for Kara’s words.  
 _‘Is this a booty call?’_

Oh crap.  
That wasn’t what Lena meant at all.  
Reading her text back, she could understand why Kara took it that way.  
She didn’t want Kara to think she was using her.

 _‘No, I didn’t mean it that way. I mean you can come when you’re ready.’_  
Lena corrected herself, hoping Kara would just hop in whenever she is ready to talk.

Quick response followed.  
 _‘You spelled cum wrong.’_

Lena's throat went dry.  
She must have read that wrong.  
After reading Kara’s text for the tenth time she still couldn’t believe Kara sent her this.  
Lena was left staring at her screen frozen until the information popped up that Kara was typing again.

_‘OMG! I’m so sorry about that. I left my phone at the table and my drunk sister thought she was being funny. I’m on my way.’_

Her heartbeat thumped in her ears.  
She was still processing the chat conversation as she heard a sound from the living room.

“Lena? It’s me. Kara.”  
Of course, it’s Kara, nobody else enters her penthouse through the balcony door.  
“I’m here,” Lena answered with a rasped voice, crawling up to a sitting position.

Kara was leaning against the door frame, dressed in her casual outfit.   
She was this beautiful silhouette that broke the light coming from the living room.  
It would be a sin to switch on the light and break this magic sighting of her best friend.  
“Hey… I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to come over right away. I can assure you: this was not meant as a booty call.” She apologized for being in her bed.  
Kara chuckled.  
“Well… I don’t think I would have been here now if Alex wasn’t so mean to you in my text.” Kara admitted.  
“You wouldn’t?”   
“I would have probably let you sweat a bit. But I think Alex took care of that.” Kara fidgeted with her glasses.  
Lena smiled, “Well, I’m glad you came over… Stepped by… Uhm… Shit.” She awkwardly corrected herself.  
“I’ll make us some thee, so you can get out of bed.” Kara joked with a light and sweet voice before her silhouette disappeared from the door frame.

Lena didn’t bother to hide her pajamas under a bathrobe. The sleeves were long and Kara wouldn’t mind seeing them.  
She stumbled out of bed. A pain shot through her bruised leg. Good thing, Kara was in the kitchen so she couldn’t see Lena wince. She swallowed the pain away and went to see Kara in the living room.  
Kara had her back turned towards Lena, while she was getting the cups.  
“You are limping.” She noted, “I can hear you limp.”  
Lena sighed as she sat herself down at her a stool by her counter.  
“That’s not why I wanted to talk to you.” She smiled it off.  
Kara handed Lena her tea from the other side of the counter.  
“Hey! You are wearing your Dexter’s Laboratory pajama’s I got you for your birthday.” She beamed, “But, I do want to know why you are limping, though I’ll take whatever you want to say to me first.” Kara offered.

Lena laughed, squinting her eyes in pain. Why did she keep on forgetting, laughing hurts her ribs?  
She knew Kara was going to ask about her winced face. She held one finger up, “First, what I want to say.” She beat Kara to it.   
She nodded in understanding.  
“Good.” Lena groaned.

“First… I owe you an apology. I didn’t realize I was ghosting you. Not contacting you had nothing to do with you or what we did.” Lena started to explain.  
Kara had that sad puppy look in her eyes, “So you didn’t…. I thought you regretted it.” She spoke flustered.  
“Oh God no! It was the best moment of my honeymoon.” Lena confessed with a cheerful smile.  
Kara pulled a face, “Oh… That bad huh?”   
“Or you were just that good,” Lena smirked at her with an eyebrow raise.  
“For a first-timer? I doubt that.” Kara scoffed insecurely.  
Lena made a show of rolling her eyes, “Okay, there is always room for improvement…” “HEY!” “BUT! It was with you and that is what made it so good.” She charmed her way out of that one, leaving Kara giggling like a teenage girl.

Lena proudly sipped her tea, while Kara giggled it out of her system.  
It was nice, being with Kara like this.

“Why didn’t you text me back?” Kara bit her lower lip. Lena had to admit she looked hurt by her lack of contact.  
She decided to stay as close to the truth as possible, without letting Kara know William had hurt her.  
Kara would be upset and Lena didn’t feel like dealing with that. She wanted the situation to be over as soon as possible. It was done and she didn’t want to look back.

Lena gathered her courage with a deep breath, she slowly released before speaking.  
“Long story short. I got too caught up in my own drama…”   
Kara sat herself down at the stool next to Lena’s, listening carefully to what Lena had to say.  
“After you dropped me off, William was waiting for me. We got into an argument in which I confessed my love for you. The next day we had a good talk about our marriage and concluded it was not going to work. I had fallen in love with someone else and she holds my heart.” Lena could feel her face heat up.  
Kara smiled proudly. She bends over to meet Lena’s lips for a quick kiss.   
“How did he take it?” Kara encouragingly placed her hand on Lena’s lower back, a little bit lower than her bruise.  
“Well… He had some trouble with it at first. But we parted in understanding. He is staying with his parents for a while and will search for help, while I search for a new home and get the divorce papers ready.” Lena explained.  
Kara’s eyes grew wide, “Oh gosh… Do you have to give him half of L-Corp?” she shielded her mouth with her free hand.  
Lena shook her head with a chuckle, “Of course not. Do you think I would marry without doing my homework? No, he can have the house and the car. I will just buy new ones and that will be it. We have our own income.”   
Kara squealed with joy, “You’re so smart!”   
She wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist and enthusiastically pulled her tight against her.

Lena felt like the bones of her ribs were bending uncomfortably into her lungs, making an explosion of pain take over her nerve system.  
With all the air left in her lungs, she screamed. She couldn’t hold onto her thee cup, resulting in it to splatter all over the floor.  
Kara released her grip immediately.  
Lena couldn’t sit up on her own anymore, she let herself crash into Kara, who didn’t dare to touch her anymore. Kara was able to keep her from falling.  
“Oh shit. SHIT. What happened?” Kara freaked, not knowing if she had caused the pain.  
“No, x-ray!” Lena begged her between her gasps for air.  
Kara nodded halve panicked, “Okay, no x-ray. Okay… I’ve got you. Lean into me and catch your breath… shit.” Kara instructed her.

Lena let herself regain strength in Kara’s arms.  
Tears of pain made their way down her face.  
“Oh Rao, I’m so sorry Lena. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Kara was almost in tears herself, fearing she had used too much of her super strength to hug her friend.  
Lena shook her head, wanting to let Kara know it wasn’t her fault.  
Breathing this heavy didn’t lessen her pain, she needed to calm down before she passed out, her head was already getting light and black spots appeared in her vision.   
“S… Sing… Kara… Please…” she shut her eyes to concentrate on her hearing and breathing.  
Kara’s voice always had a calming effect on her. She didn’t hear Kara sing often, but the times she did it was like her angelic voice soothed her soul.

Kara’s voice was trembling, but she did try to sing for her.  
It sounded like a lullaby.   
In Kryptonese maybe?   
No, it was plain English.  
The words became clearer to Lena as her mind became less fuzzy.

“Rest your head close to my heart, never to part. Baby of mine.”   
Kara’s voice was so warm.  
She was calming down.

“…What they’d give, just for the right… to… hold… you.”

Lena had regained an acceptable breathing rhythm and the hurt was reduced to a tolerable level.  
She opened her eyes and reached for Kara’s hand.  
“Okay, I’m back. I’m back…” she squeezed Kara’s hand and looked straight into her sapphire eyes.  
“Thank you.”  
With Kara’s help, she sat up on her own again, leaning heavily on the counter.  
Big tears rolled over Kara’s cheeks, “Lena, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought I was being more careful, but apparently, I wasn’t. I…”  
Lena put her hand on Kara’s knee, “It wasn’t you Kara. It wasn’t your fault.”  
Kara frowned her brows, “What do you mean it wasn’t me? It was my hug that hurt you.” She sobbed.  
“Normally, it wouldn’t have.” Lena couldn’t keep her bruises hidden from Kara any longer.   
Not while she was blaming herself.  
Lena was touched by Kara’s reaction. Mrs. Dey and William tried to convince her it was an accident at first, while Kara takes full blame for something, she feared she was responsible for.

Lena slid herself down the stool. She made sure not to step onto a piece of the teacup as she moved a few steps away from Kara.  
“I bumped into a blanket box,” She pulls up the pajama trouser to show the bruise on her leg, “This is causing me to limp.” She explained.  
“I lost my balance and fell, head first at the floor,” she holds her hair to the side to show the bump on her head that Kara had already seen.  
“On my way down, my ribs met the wooden knob of the bed frame.” She pulled up her pajama shirt, revealing her purple ribcage.  
Technically, nothing she just said was a lie.  
Hopefully, it was enough for Kara.

The shocked expression on Kara’s face made Lena feel uneasy.  
“Lee, I did hurt you. I will be more careful. I’m sorry.” She apologized again.  
Lena shook her head, “No, Kara. It wasn’t your fault. The hurt was already there. This wasn’t your doing.”

Kara approached her slowly, step by step until she entered Lena’s personal space. Their faces just inches apart, Kara placed her hands at Lena’s hips.   
Lena could feel her heart rate pick up.  
Warm breath was heating her face.  
A hand was traveling up her torso, gently brushing her skin, stopping when the palm reached her bruise.  
Lena closed her eyes and gasped. The soft pressure on her ribs wasn’t uncomfortable.  
“There?” the blonde asked.  
Words were lost, a nod was enough.  
Kara pulled her hand away, leaving Lena’s skin craving for more.  
Lena opened her eyes, surprised by the cold breeze she fell out of nowhere.  
With precision, Kara was blowing on her own hand.  
Before Lena realized what Kara was doing, she lifted her shirt pressing an ice-cold hand to her ribs.  
Lena’s muscles tensed at the touch. She squinted her eyes and inhaled sharply. She needed a few seconds to get used to the chilling sensation. Her breath released with a quiver.  
A forehead connected with hers, “How is this?”  
“Oh my… Numbingly good.” Kara got Lena hot and cold at the same time.  
Kara chuckled, “That was what I was aiming for.” 

Kara had Lena all worked up.  
She longed for more, but at the same time, this was so perfect, so precious and more intimate than anything else she could think of.  
Kara was taking her pain away, even if it was just for a short period, Kara was caring for her.  
She didn’t want to mess this up.  
To repeat their bonfire experience was tempting.   
In the current situation, it would probably turn into a painful torment, instead of a new high.   
Besides… the risk of Kara discovering the hand-shaped bruise on her arm was a serious threat.

Lena bit her lower lip.  
“What is it, Lena? Your heart is racing.” Lena could feel how Kara’s lips moved softly brushing hers with every word she said.  
Lena smiled shy, “Eh… You’re so hot.” Her voice shivered.   
“Hot?” Kara chuckled against her lips, “There must be something wrong with my freeze breath then.”  
“Oh shut up.” Lena was breathy.  
“Make me!” Kara dared her with a seductive whisper.

Lena couldn’t resist this confident side of her friend, she didn’t waste any time to trap Kara’s bottom lip between her teeth, sucking her in.  
As their kiss heated, Kara’s hands started moving.

Lena pulled away from her lips, holding her hand in place with her own, “No… Please, keep your hand there.” She pleads, looking in Kara’s questioned eyes.  
“You sure?” Kara seemed insecure.  
Lena nodded wildly, making it clear she didn’t want to go any further tonight.  
“This is just perfect. You are perfect, Kara.” She smiled thankfully.

With a smile back, she pulled her hand away, freezing it up again.  
“Like this?” she smirked, numbing Lena’s ribs again.  
“Fuuuuuuuuck, yes.” Lena gasped.

“Could you… Can you just hold me?” Lena felt so cared for and loved.   
These feelings weren’t familiar to the young Luthor. She had been on her own so much, she never trusted anybody enough to let them take care of her. William was allowed to cook her dinner and occasionally wrap an arm around her when she was sad. But most of the time she didn’t let him near her when she was broken.   
It’s true, she didn’t tell Kara the full story. That wasn’t for her lack of trust in Kara. She didn’t want Kara to be worried, to be hurt, to be mad, to be sad. She didn’t want to have to protect William from Kara’s need to defend her. She didn’t want to go over the situation again.  
It was easier if she would never speak of it again.   
This was done.   
In the past.  
Over.

She turned in Kara’s arms, who gently wrapped herself around Lena’s from behind, holding her cooling hand steady on her ribs.  
“Sure.” She kissed Lena’s neck.

Lena could swear she could melt into Kara right now.  
She had been so lonely the last couple of days, not realizing what she was missing out on.

Lena’s conscious was drifting off.  
Kara took notice when Lena’s head started bobbing.  
“Come on, let’s get you back in bed.” Kara offered.  
Lena had to admit, she loved to being taken care of by Kara.  
She loved letting go.   
With Kara she was safe.   
With Kara, she wouldn’t have to pretend to be strong all the time.

She was feeling sleepy, but she didn’t want Kara to leave her.  
With a loose grip, she took hold of Kara’s wrist.  
“Can’t you stay?” plagued by nightmares, she hadn’t slept well for too long.  
Kara sighed disappointed, “I have to get back to my sister.”  
Lena put on her best pout, “Can you at least lay with me till I fall asleep?”  
Kara couldn’t say no to that. She crawled into the bed next to Lena.  
Lena nuzzled herself against the warm and protective body next to her.

\---------------------------------------

It probably didn’t take long for Kara to be able to leave.  
Lena had the best night's rest in a long while.   
Even the Luthors left her dreams alone. That didn’t happen since the night of the bonfire.

Well-rested she entered her kitchen to get herself breakfast.  
Kara must have cleaned before she left, the floor was spotless.  
Lena was surprised to find a note hanging on her fridge.  
 _‘Breakfast in the fridge! -x- K’_

How such a simple note could make Lena tingle till her core, was a mystery.  
The big smile on Lena’s face didn’t fade away when she heated up the pancakes Kara had prepared for her.

Walking towards her couch with her plate in hand she noticed another note, pinned to the wall where the big wedding canvas of William and her used to hang.  
On the ground, against the wall, the picture was put down facing away from the room.  
Lena took the note from the wall.  
 _‘Noticed the picture frames were down. You’re welcome. -x- K’_  
A laugh escaped her.   
In a silly way, this was endearingly sweet to Lena.

It took Lena till halfway the afternoon to realize the throbbing pain in her ribs had turned into an uncomfortable whiny feeling.   
Kara’s cold hand must have worked like magic because the hurt was a lot less.

\-----------------------------------------

“I thought you were staying with your parents?”  
The doorbell rang in the middle of her phone call with William.  
She only listened halve to his rambling as she opened the door to find Kara holding a bag of big belly burgers. She gestured to keep quiet because she was on the phone but could come in.  
“So, you just expect me to find something new within a week?” Lena asked irritated.  
 _“I have a job to attend to! You can stay until you found something else. We can live together for a while, it’s no big deal.”_  
“No big deal?” Lena raised her voice, wanting to give him a piece of her mind. Just in time, she realized Kara was with her, so she changed her tone, “What does your father say about this?”  
 _“That is between me and my father.”_  
“I disagree!” unlike William, she was done with this conversation, Lena hung up.

Signing deeply, she turned to Kara.  
Her phone rang again.  
William was calling, again.  
Lena pressed his call away and turned off her phone.  
“That was enough for today.” She explained herself to Kara.

Being away from William made her think about all that happened.  
Kara’s reaction when she thought she had hurt her compared to how William and his mom reacted, by wanting to cover it up as an accident, made her think.  
It made her mad, they wanted her to believe it was an accident.  
It was not an accident. Mr. Dey was right. William did not treat her as a man is supposed to treat his wife.  
She wanted nothing more than to move on.  
Away from that night.  
But her mind got stuck there.  
Worst of all… The Luthors were back, so clear in her memories.  
The stuff she had shoved away so deep, it should’ve never been brought to the surface again.

“Ehm… I brought us dinner, I thought you might like that.” Kara fidgeted with her glasses as she got Lena’s attention back.  
“Ah, yes. Thank you. Sorry about that… Hey.” She hugged Kara.

Lena didn’t expect to see Kara today.   
It was a surprise visit she was not prepared for.   
After this call with William, she would rather be alone with her thoughts and her anger.  
But sweet little Kara standing in her doorway with fast-food for two was impossible to turn down.

“So, William is coming back sooner than expected?” Kara mumbled between her bites.  
Lena avoided eye contact, “I do not want to talk about it!” she clarified harshly, taking another bite of her burger.

The air between them became uncomfortably thick.

Kara might have stepped by for a reason.   
But Lena chose to ignore it.  
She only let Kara in because it was too rude to just grab the food and slam the door in her face.  
Lena was not in the mood for small talk, let alone to talk about her soon to be ex-husband. 

“You never told me why you didn’t let me know you were back,” Kara said carefully.  
“Why didn’t you let me know? I would have picked you up.”  
“Well, maybe that’s why. Ever thought of that?!” Lena was having trouble keeping her self-control, “I had to think and I couldn’t use you around me, you mess with my mind.”   
She probably could have used nicer words, but right now she didn’t care. She was irritated and she unleased it on Kara.  
“Auts.” Kara reacted hurt, “You still could have explained.” Kara’s tone changed; she became more defensive.  
Lena scoffed, “I didn’t get the memo, I was obligated to tell you.”  
“What? No…” Kara’s voice pitched an octave higher in despair, standing from her seat.   
“Then don’t put that blame on me!” Lena lashed out, also standing now. Her hands clenched into fists. Her rage was building.  
“I am not blaming you for anything.” Kara threw her hands in the air.   
“Well, that is rich! A Kryptonian not blaming a Luthor.”  
Kara shook her head, “Now you are just being mean.” Her voice was emotional but in control, unlike Lena’s.  
“I am being mean?... Mean is confessing your love to someone on their wedding day. Not only telling but kissing her right before she has to walk down the aisle. That’s mean! Your timing couldn’t have been worse. A halve year earlier… A month earlier… Even a day before the wedding would have saved me so much pain! Even not telling me at all would have saved me a hard time. But no… You had to pick my wedding day. Your timing sucks, Kara!” Lena was practically shouting at her.  
Kara was fighting back her tears, “I… never dared to dream you… would pick… me.” She sobbed.  
“Yeah… Well… I did! I always would have. I dropped everything and gave you my heart. And now I’m a broken piece of shit because of it!” her words might have been sweet and romantic at another moment, but now they were like knives thrown at Kara with so much aggression the Kryptonian would have preferred bathing in Kryptonite. 

“I think I should go.” Kara lowered her head with tears in her eyes and turned away, “I don’t deserve this.”  
“Yeah, you should go.” As Kara closed the door behind her, Lena grabbed what was left of their Big Belly Burger meal, “And take your junk food with you!” she screamed, throwing leftovers at the already closed door.

Bursting out in tears, she felt her body aching from all the tension.  
She fell on her knees, crying out loud.  
Crying all her frustration, her pain, her fear, and her anger out.

\-------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> \------------  
> Small spoiler for the next chapter:  
> Yes, I'm going to play the Kelly-card!


	7. The Treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lena screamed at Kara, she opened up the wine bottle to cope.
> 
> The next morning help arrives in the form of Kelly Olsen.  
> Lena isn't intended to accept mental help.  
> But help with cleaning up is always welcome.  
> She just feels too bad to argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !TRIGGER WARNING!  
> \---  
> Yes again.  
> We dive into Lena's past, examining the early days of her childhood trauma with the Luthors and the different forms of abuse she had to endure as a little child, even though she might not recognize them as abuse.
> 
> Kelly will work her psychologist magic on Lena.  
> Some free life lessons and therapy for everybody!!!

Lena woke up on her couch with a throbbing headache. The empty bottles of wine might have something to do with that.  
After her fight with Kara last night she made friends with the liquor cabinet.  
Drinking her feelings away got her through the night. Today she had to face the consequences.

The bathroom mirror was cruelly confronting. There was no better way to put it: She looked like shit.

She was cleaning her face when the doorbell rang.  
Lena didn’t expect it to be Kara. She had treated her so awful last night, it wouldn’t surprise her if Kara would never show herself again. She wanted to forget so badly she drank until she passed out.  
Unfortunately, the memory was still very present.

The bell rang again.  
For a moment she considered not opening.  
She could at least peak through the looking glass to see who was so desperate to annoy her at this hour of the day. 

Behind the door, the patience human that was Kelly Olsen was waiting for her to open up.  
Out of all the people that could have been standing in front of Lena, Kelly was probably the less intimidating option Lena could think of.

She opened up, “Kelly, what can I do for you?”  
Kelly didn’t wait for an invitation, she let herself in, “I think the question is: What can I do for you?!”  
“What? Why?” Lena defensively crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
“Well, first of all… I just had to step over some hamburgers spread all over your hallway floor. Second and most importantly: My girlfriend sent me. She thinks you need help.” Kelly explained calmly but clear.  
“Why would I need help?” Lena preferred to use liquor and time to shove every feeling back into a box. 

Kelly didn’t answer with words. She stood quietly in her hallway, letting her eyes rest on the burgers and fries on the floor. After a few seconds, her eyes found Lena for a split second to let her gaze wander across the room again to lock onto the empty bottles by the couch. Looking back at Lena she pulled up her eyebrows and shrug her shoulders.  
“You have made your point!” Lena sighed.  
“I’m sorry you came for nothing, Kelly. I don’t need therapy. I will do fine on my own, I always have.” Lena apologized.  
Kelly smiled kindly, “You are remarkably strong, Lena. You always have done fine on your own. Let’s get you hydrated first, after that I’ll help you clean this up.” She opened her arm to Lena as an invite to enter her own living room.  
Lena was out of balance by the unexpected praise from Kelly. She had expected her to force her into talking about feelings and stuff.

After the first glass of water, Kelly asked for a clean garbage bag. Lena pulled it out of a kitchen cabin for her.  
“Good. You clean your hallway while I will get rid of the bottles.” Kelly smiled.  
“That’s not fair, the hallway is more work.” Lena protested still influenced by the alcohol percentage in her blood.  
“Who made this mess? You or me?” Kelly’s face was serious. Her eyes were big in waiting for Lena’s reaction.  
Lena felt like a little child, who didn’t want to clean her own mess. She knew she had to be grateful Kelly was even helping at all. She didn’t have to do that.  
“Fine.” she took the garbage bag to the hall and started cleaning.

With some vocal directions from Lena, Kelly had found the cleaning supplies after she had put the bottles away. Kelly started scrubbing the door, while Lena could concentrate on the floor.

“What made you think it was a good idea to throw food around?” Kelly asked, looking over her shoulder to find Lena on her knees wiping the tiles clean.  
Lena shrugs her shoulders, “It wasn’t a good idea, really.”  
“Still, it happened. What made you do it?” Kelly asked empathically.  
“I was upset.” Not willing to talk, Lena kept her answers as short as possible.  
Kelly was done with the door and turned to some stains on the wall.  
“You must have been pretty upset to throw food around in your own house and drink that much alcohol.” She noted.  
Lena nodded with a saddened sigh, “I was.” She concentrated on a hard to remove grease stain.  
Kelly was done with the walls and went to help Lena with the tiles “Were you alone?” she asked.  
Lena scoffed, “After I threw dinner at Kara? Yes, I was.”  
“I’m sorry you felt that way. It must have been hard dealing with those feelings alone.”  
Lena stopped her scrubbing to search for Kelly’s eyes. Those big browns looked at her with compassion.  
“You are not judging me?” Lena was genuinely surprised by the look in Kelly’s eyes.  
Kelly chuckled, “Were you afraid I was going to judge you?”  
Lena nodded, swallowing a thick lump in her throat.  
“I think it’s a shame to judge people. Judging others says something about you and your assumptions. It will block you from getting to know the person behind what you see on the outside. I’d rather ask and find out what motivates other people than assume something about them that might not be true. You can miss out on the best of people.” Kelly explained with a kind smile.

Lena had been judged so much in her life.  
People assume she is up to no good because of her last name.  
She just told Kelly she threw food at Kara and she didn’t even tell her how stupid that was.  
Kelly was right, “It was… It was hard on my own.” A crack broke in Lena’s voice.  
She clenched her jaw to bite the emotions back.

They were done with the cleaning.  
Lena couldn’t find the strength to get back on her feet again. Her ribs were throbbing again.  
She sat down with her back against the wall.  
Kelly got up, “just stay here, I’ll come back.” She assured Lena.  
“Here.” She offered her another glass of water as she sat down beside Lena.  
“Thanks.” Lena was more grateful for Kelly’s help than she thought she would have been a half-hour ago.

“What made you so upset?” Kelly asked with a soft and caring tone in her voice.  
Lena didn’t really know what to say. She was just so upset yesterday about a lot of things. She didn’t even know what made her so angry.  
A shake of her head and a shrug of her shoulders was the best answer she could give.  
“You said you threw at Kara. Was it something she said or did?” Kelly asked.  
Lena frowned her brows, “How much do you already know?” she wondered out loud.  
“Well… Normally Alex an I tell each other everything. I know she picked you up from the airport and you needed medical assistance. After she brought you home, she seemed worried but said it was patient confidentially as she was your doctor. I respect that. So, the only thing I know is that you got home early from your honeymoon. You needed medical assistance and the results worried my girlfriend in some way.” Kelly answered truthfully.  
Lena was touched. Alex is actually worried about her. “I didn’t want to worry, Alex. I’m sorry.”  
“Did you worry her on purpose?”  
Lena frowned her brows at the weird question and shook her head.  
“Then don’t be sorry. People can only worry about you when they care. Clearly Alex cares about you. You must have done something to deserve that from her.”  
A blush was creeping up on Lena. Alex actually cared for her.  
“I care for Alex as well.” She confessed.

Kelly smiled and kept a peaceful silence.  
It wasn’t forced.  
It didn’t feel uncomfortable.  
It was just nice sitting in the hallway with someone who didn’t judge.  
Just sitting there and being herself.

Lena thought about Kelly’s previous question.  
What made her so angry at Kara?  
“I… I think Kara was just there at the wrong time… I mean, what I said to her was true. But I could have just talked about it with her.” Lena started talking.  
Kelly nodded at her as a sign she understood.  
When she didn’t speak, Lena continued, “I said horrible things to her… I told her that her bad timing was why I was a broken piece of shit. And I didn’t believe that a Kryptonian didn’t blame a Luthor,” She sniffed, tears welling up in her eyes.  
“Is her bad timing why you feel broken?” Kelly asked for clarification.  
Lena scoffed, “No! Well… indirectly.” She wiped an escaping tear from her cheek with the sleeve of her sweater.  
“What do you mean with indirectly?”  
“She didn’t directly break me.” Lena bit, resisted how her walls were caving in.  
Kelly hummed with a nod, “But something did break you.” She concluded.

God, Lena felt so broken.  
She rested her head against the wall with a deep sigh.  
There was no stopping the flowing tears now.

Kelly offered her a tissue.  
Lena was mildly surprised, “Where… did you… get that from?” she asked between sobs.  
Kelly showed Lena a cocky smile, “I am a therapist, I make people cry. It’s part of my job description.”  
She made Lena chuckle with that.  
A little too much as a pain shot through her torso again, making her wince.

Kelly’s face got serious, “You look like you’re in pain.” She outed her observation.  
Lena nodded with gritted teeth.  
“Concentrate on your breathing,” Kelly advised, breathing out loud with her.  
The sound of Kelly’s inhales and exhales was rhythmic and calming. Lena followed her lead.

“Thank you.” Lena sighed after she caught her breath again and the sharpest pain was over.  
Kelly exhaled with her empathic smile.  
In shame Lena turned her eyes away, “I can only imagine what you must think of me. I’m usually not like this… I am not weak.”  
She swept all the evidence of her emotional outburst from her face.  
If it was possible, Lena would have taken al her tears back.  
“I didn’t consider you to be weak. Your emotions are there. Hiding them away will only hurt you in the long term, but it keeps you safe for a short while. Allowing yourself to feel them is… pretty brave.” 

Lena didn’t feel brave at all.  
Her body was crumbling down.  
Her walls were shattering.  
Her emotions raged like a tornado.  
She had a hangover.  
She was sitting on the floor of her hallway with the girlfriend of the sister of the woman she loved.  
“I’m a mess.” She groaned in self-pity.

Kelly nodded, “Also true. We all break down at one point. It’s okay to fall. It’s getting back up that makes us strong.”  
Kelly pushed herself up from the ground. She stood in front of Lena holding out both her hands, “Let me help you get back on your feet again.” She smiled.

Through her eyelashes, Lena looked up at the other woman. She had to admire Kelly’s crafty use of words.  
One corner of her mouth lifted in a half-smile.  
“You are pretty annoying, do you know that?”  
Taking Kelly’s hands would be more than literally getting off the ground. She would accept her help.

Her instincts were telling her to take her hands and let go of being strong all the time.  
Kelly was okay.

Their hands folded together. With a groan, Lena got on her feet.  
“Gosh, Alex is lucky to have you.” Lena complimented Kelly.

“Maybe I am the lucky one.” Kelly grinned proudly.  
“And if I’m informed correctly. You have also captured the heart of a Danvers girl.”  
Both women moved back to the living room.  
“I don’t know about that… I don’t think she wants to see me again.” Lena let out a saddened sigh.

Kelly sat down in a chair close to the couch where Lena settled herself.  
“Why don’t you just tell me what happened? It will take the mystery away, give it less power, and maybe I can help set your mind straight.”

Lena knew it was a childish thing to laugh at, but she had to muffle her laughter.  
Kelly seemed to realize what Lena was snickering about and pinched her eyes shut, “Nothing straight about our minds, right?” she made the joke for Lena.  
“That is such a Danvers joke to make,” Lena noted with a chuckle.  
Kelly laughed, “I know, right?!”

Lena bit her laugh away, “Don’t make me laugh… Ribs.” She pointed with a pained smile.  
“I’m sorry.” Kelly’s mood changed.  
She gave Lena time to regain her breath.

“What happened to your ribs?” Kelly sounded genuinely concerned.  
Lena sighed unsure, “You… I mean… This stays between us, right?”  
“Of course. You are the only one who decides who knows.” She assured her with a kind smile.  
This made her feel lighter.

Lena let out a deep breath as if she prepared to take the clean jump of her life.  
“I fell on the knob of the bedframe,” she had used that explanation already too many times.  
Giving the full story was still so scary.  
She wouldn’t know how to let the words escape her lips.  
How to not make people think he was an awful abusive husband.  
How to make people take her seriously.  
How to not sound like a victim.  
She fixated her gaze on the coffee-table as she focused her brain back to that night.

“You don’t seem like the clumsy type to me,” Kelly noted.  
Lena found room to talk. Kelly gave it to her. She had something to react to.  
“No… No, I’m not,” she swallowed before she took her dive, “William caused me to fall.”  
A silence filled the room.  
An encouraging and unpressured silence.

“We had an argument… He held my arm with a tight grip… I told him I loved Kara… And he swung me away from him…” her lower lip was trembling while her brows frowned in anger.  
It was like something was opening up inside of her.  
Something locked down for a long time.  
It was frightening, yet freeing at the same time.  
Lena was letting go.

She continued, “I bumped into the blanket box… lost my balance… hit the bedframe on my way down… and when I crashed my head on the floor… I got so scared… so helpless… So small… I hid inside my mind…” Lena was sorting things out loud.  
Her words stopped flowing.  
Her mind was drifting off to that safe place inside her mind.

“Can you tell me what hiding inside your mind looks like?” Kelly asked her.  
Lena’s words started flowing again.  
She spoke what she thought and worded everything that appeared in her mind.  
She described that mystical place and how Brainy was there and how Kara helped her.  
Lena told how small she was in that place. Just a little child.

“I haven’t been to that place for such a long time. When I was a little girl, I discovered that mystical land and I went there often. It’s where I was happy.” Her eyes stayed locked on the coffee table, but her mind didn’t register what she saw in real life. She saw what was inside her head.

“It sounds like a lovely place to be. Somewhere you would want to stay. How did you get out of it this time?” Kelly questioned.  
An endeared smile appeared on Lena’s face, “Kara… She made me grow up… She believed in me… Told me, I didn’t need that place anymore… I’m not alone anymore…”  
Lena’s thoughts lingered on the memory of Kara kissing her forehead and disappearing.

“You are doing great Lena. Can you tell me, what happened next?” Kelly guided her.  
Lena frowned her brows. A wave of anger pumped through her veins, “I didn’t remember all at first… couldn’t remember after… after Kara dropped me off… mama Dey and William convinced me I tripped over my own heels… my bruises didn’t add up with their story and my memory completed the puzzle… I know William didn’t mean to hurt me… but telling me I tripped over my heels was a lie.”  
Lena told Kelly about how William yelled at her again and her talk with Mr. Dey.  
She told her everything until her way back home.

This was exhausting Lena.  
She shook her head away from that specific point at the coffee table.  
“I… I’m sorry… this is a lot.” Lena cleared her dried-out throat and coughed a couple of times.  
“I’ll get you some water. You are doing amazing, Lena.” Kelly complimented as she walked to the kitchen to get Lena some water.  
“I know it isn’t easy to be so vulnerable. It might feel weak, but I think it’s the strongest a human can be.”  
Lena smiled shyly at the praise.  
She emptied her glass in one gulp.  
Kelly was right: Lena did feel very vulnerable. But for some reason Kelly made her feel it was okay. Now that she was opening up, a part of her didn’t want to stop.  
Like everything had to come out now, or it would be locked within her forever.

“I must say, I’m intrigued by your Ireland,” Kelly noted, “You said you went to that place in your mind a lot as a child?”  
Lena nodded. The way Kelly seemed genuinely impressed made her feel proud of her place inside her mind. Proud instead of ashamed. She had never told anyone about that place.  
“Well, to be honest… I totally forgot about it. Until that night… It’s like an old scar was ripped right open. An old box, hidden away far in the back of my mind, fell over and spilled all its secrets… I’ve been having nightmares ever since.” Lena told Kelly, who nodded in understanding.  
“What kind of nightmares?”  
“Well… not really clear images… I’m always alone…” Lena’s gaze drifted back to that very interesting spot of the coffee table, “I’m scared and small…”

As an automatic defense mechanism, her mind drifted to that peaceful place.  
“I can remember the first time I found that safe place inside my mind.” She smiled weakly.  
“Do you want to tell me about that first time?” Kelly asked.  
Lena nodded. To her own surprise, she did want to talk about it.

“I think I was five years old, maybe six… Father liked to have me in his company… I never understood why, until Lex told me father loved my mother and I look a lot like her... When he locked himself in his home office, I was also there… reading, playing with blocks or dolls, or teaching myself something…. Lex wasn’t allowed in his office. Lex was mother’s favorite and I was his precious little angel, he told me…”  
Lena could remember the smell of his office, whiskey, and cigars combined with the musky scent of old books. 

“Lex asked me to get him father’s Fabergé-egg he got from a business relation from Russia, Lex told me he needed it to study… Father was very into his work that day… I wasn’t allowed to make a sound… he seemed stressed. I figured this was the best moment to get the egg for Lex… I wasn’t big enough to reach the shelve with father’s pride collection of business gifts he had received. A big vase was standing beneath the shelve… It looked steady enough to hold me. I climbed on top of that vase… I had to stand on my toes to reach the egg… My fingers touched the egg just enough to slide it towards myself… As I took hold of the egg, my foot slipped inside the vase and I fell, taking the Fabergé-egg with me. The egg was damaged and the vase was broken…” Lena paused for a brief moment.  
“How about you? Were you hurt?” Kelly asked.  
Lena shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know, I can’t remember… The vase appeared to be from the Ming Dynasty… I destroyed an irreplaceable artifact… forever wiped from existence… If I would have known, I would have never climbed on it… father was very disappointed with me…” 

_"Lena, are you insane?!” Lionel screamed at his daughter as he smacked his fists on his desk.  
Lena was struggling to get back on her feet. One of her legs had more trouble holding her weight than the other. A shard of the vase had cut through her pantyhose and her skin underneath.  
Sorry for what the little girl had done she whimpered, “I’m sorry father… I didn’t… mean to…”  
With big steps, her father approached her. His hand swung through the air, slapping her face with the back of his hand. Lena smacked back onto the ground. Disoriented from the blow she couldn´t get up right away. With force her father scooped Lena up on her arm, making the girl tiptoe alongside her father.  
“Do you have any idea what you just did? I am very disappointed with you.” he was so mad, the sound of his voice made Lena think of the growling of a wolf defending his pack.  
“I told you to be quiet. Instead, you break down my office.”  
With a tight grip on her arm, he dragged her behind him out of his office. Keeping up with his fast pace was impossible for Lena’s little legs. Unable to see without black dots in her vision, she tripped and stumbled, but he did not slow down. As she was dragged down the stairs, she was glad he was still holding his grip so she didn’t fall headfirst.  
“How many times have I told you, not to touch anything?”  
He opened the front door.  
Lena lifted off the ground as she was thrown outside. It would have been a cool sensation of flying if it didn’t happen all so fast and she didn’t painfully smack her nose against the pavement.  
“I can’t see you right now-”  
“But father-” she begged while her little nose started to bleed.  
“You can stay outside until I come to get you!” he closed the door and locked it from the inside, leaving the little weeping girl outside in the rain. _

“It was a rainy autumn day… I knew better than to try to get back into the house. I had to obey and sit this one out… I had already disappointed my father enough…”  
“I hear you say, you disappointed your father. He chose to throw you outside. How do you feel about that?” Kelly interrupted her flow of words.  
“He had told me before not to touch anything in his room except for my own toys. So, I knew. I knew not to touch anything… Still, I needed that egg for Lex. Lex was the only one who took care of me. I owed him that… I should have been more careful.” Lena explained.  
Kelly sighed and nodded in understanding of the situation.  
“Your father had locked you out. What happened next?” she asked.

“I waited for him to come back…”

_As Lena stood outside, waiting for her father to let her back in, it became darker and even colder than it already was.  
Although the rain had turned from pouring down into a drizzle, her little body was soaking wet, cold, and hurt, especially her leg and her arm where her father had his grip on her.  
Father was disciplining her good this time.  
Lena became scared she wouldn’t be let into the house again.  
She had messed up.  
Would he ever come back?  
How could she make it up to him?  
Maybe she had to live outside from now on._

_She didn’t even get the egg for Lex._

_With her last hope, she searched the windows of the house to see if someone was looking out who could let her in.  
Her eyes landed on the cold and disapproving gaze of Lillian.  
“Mama?... Please?” she screamingly begged.  
Without losing her stare at Lena, Lillian closed the curtains._

_Lena feared she had to spend the night outside, alone in the darkness.  
Cold and scared.  
She could at least look for a warmer place to sleep...  
Beneath the big oak lay a steaming stack of leaves.  
She wondered if the damp meant warmth, just like when the cook was preparing a meal in the kitchen.  
Lena discovered the damping leaves were indeed warmer than any other place in the garden. The big oak even offered her shelter from the rain, although that didn’t help much since the leaves were drenched.  
She became one with the pile._

_The evening brought new sounds.  
Unknown sounds.  
Scary sounds._

_With each rustle, Lena flinched.  
It was everywhere.  
Her body was itching like little bugs were crawling all over her.  
She had nowhere else to go.  
This stack of leaves was the best place she could think of._

_Lena was shivering from the cold.  
Her body was aching from the hurt.  
She was weeping out of fear for the unknown sounds in the darkness.  
The fear of being forgotten.  
The fear of being left alone._

_A new sound to her right startled her.  
She holds her breath and focussed her hearing on the place where she just heard something.  
Now it was coming from behind her._

_Lena hid deeper in the leaves, squinting her eyes and forcing herself to not think of scary thoughts.  
It was hard for she imagined all kinds of monsters around her, even within the stack she buried herself in._

_She was too scared to move.  
Her mind had to think of happy memories until the sun would rise again._

_The little girl was on her own in the task to make herself happy enough to survive her physical pain, the fear, and the cold._

“I thought of the last time I could remember I felt truly happy and safe… It was with my mother in Ireland… Not Lillian, she had no place in my Ireland… It was just me and my mom… She held me and told me the story about the medallion of the Acrata… That was her favorite story, I know it by heart…” Lena could feel her body warm-up at the memory.  
She smiled like she was back in her mother’s arms.  
“The time I spend with her in that made-up memory seemed like hours. I could stay there forever.” Lena fantasized with her eyes closed.  
“What made you come back?” Kelly asked interested.

“Lex,” Lena fidgeted with her fingers. Opening her eyes to fixate her gaze on her hands.  
“Lex went out to find me later that evening… He was able to warm my body up again…”

_"Well, there you are little sister. For a second I thought you were a goner.” He spoke casually.  
Lena found herself curled up in the bathtub, being washed by her big brother.  
The warm water helped her blood flow through her shivering body again.  
It took Lena a moment to realize where she was and what was happening.  
The sight of Lex taking care of her made her happy.  
She wasn’t forgotten.  
Her brother thought of her._

_Lena sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck.  
“You saved me.” She sighed, kissing her brother’s cheek.  
He placed his hand on her naked back to accept the gesture of gratitude.  
“Yes, I did! I saw father throw you outside. When father and mother went to their rooms, I snuck out to find you. It wasn’t easy, you were hiding very well. And you were covered in dirt and bugs. Now turn around so I can wash your hair.” He explained to her._

_Lena obeyed his request and let him was her hair. She was thankful for having a caring brother like Lex.  
“So, do you have the Fabergé-egg for me?” he asked while running his fingers through her soapy hair.  
The relief she just felt for being saved by her brother sunk to her toes.  
“No, I don’t,” she admitted with a whisper.  
He stopped washing her scalp, “I beg your pardon?”  
Lena took a deep breath to speak louder this time, “No, I don’t have the egg.”  
He pulled her head back by her hair painfully, making her wince, “I heard you the first time, I’m not deaf. What I wonder is: Why don’t you have the Fabergé-egg?” he spoke between his gritted teeth.  
“I broke the egg.” She whimpered with her eyes tightly shut.  
He pushed her head forward, making her bump into her own knees, and let go of her hair.  
“I saved your life and you can’t even to this small task for me?” _

_Lena’s head was hurting, but she didn’t really take notice. Her brother was disappointed in her, that was all that mattered and all that saddens her.  
Lex was breathing heavily, containing his temper, “You have failed me, Lena… Next time, do better. You owe me that much.”  
The little Luthor felt like crying, but she wouldn’t let herself. She swallowed her tears. Lex deserved to cry, he can’t study the egg now, that was her fault.  
She had to be grateful for the second chance her brother offered her.  
Lex finished washing her hair. He sighed, “Now… let’s get you cleaned up. I can’t have bloodstains in my bed.” _

_“Your bed?” Lena lit up at the thought of not being alone in her room.  
Her brother allowing her with him was such a generous offer.  
Her brother was truly the best.  
He let her stay with him even though she didn’t get the egg.  
“Mother and father went to their rooms, but they are not fast asleep yet. You can stay with me until they are. But you have to be in your own room before morning, nobody may know you were here.” He explained.  
Lena nodded greedily._

_Her brother cleaned her face and leg from the dried blood the water didn’t wash off.  
As he dried her off, he explained, “I gave your clothing to the maid, you will have to do without for now.”  
She nodded and crawled in his bed.  
Lex took place next to her.  
The tired little girl curled herself up against her big brother, who wrapped his arms around her.  
This might have been the most love she felt since her mother had passed away.  
“I love you, brother.” She mumbled as she was falling asleep.  
“As you should.” Was his response. _

“I woke up in my brother’s arms… Snuck out his bed… Grabbed a towel from his bathroom and wrapped it around me… I tiptoed towards my own room… But something moved in the shadow… Lillian’s watchful eyes saw me snuck out Lex his room… She didn’t say anything. She shook her head at me… She looked down on me and I knew… I knew I did something wrong… I awaited her reaction, but nothing came, she just looked at me. I entered my room under her cold, staring gaze… The next day was like nothing had happened, except my father ignored me for a week.” Lena smiled weakly.

“Well… that is how I ended up with that place inside my mind for the first time.” She took herself out of her memories and back into the present day.  
She wondered if Kelly was still impressed by her unique coping style or if she had changed her mind.  
Lena awaited her reaction with a mixture of pride and the fear of disapproval.

Kelly seemed at loss for words at first.  
She took a deep breath and started to explain,  
“It appears your mind has found a way to protect you from trauma. When the world gets too overwhelming, you get scared or your head gets too full it can’t fully process anymore, you escape inside your mind. It is nice to know that your head is capable of keeping you safe like that. Also, it’s not an uncommon defense strategy. Even though most people blackout, you found a way to keep your mind happy. I must admit I’m impressed.”  
A shy smile appeared on Lena’s face. Kelly approved her coping style.

But Kelly didn’t seem proud or happy, she looked worried.  
“What is it?” Lena asked insecurely.  
She feared she did something to disappoint Kelly anyway.  
Kelly shook her head out of thoughts, “You have carried a heavy burden on your own all those years. I can help you with that as a professional… We will meet once a week from now on, and you will not schedule any work that day.”  
Lena’s jaw dropped, “I… I am starting work again next Monday. I can’t stay away for a day.” She explained.  
“Trust me, you can!” Kelly insisted.

Lena shook her head, “I don’t need more help. I am doing fine on my own.”  
Kelly closed her eyes with a sigh. She moved to sit next to Lena on the couch, making their connection more friendly and less professional.

“Listen, Lena.” She placed her hand over Lena’s folded hands in her lap, “you have been dragging your burden around for so long. You did it all alone and you did it with grace. But you are not alone anymore.”  
Wondering where Kelly was going with this, Lena frowned her brows.

“Think of it this way,” She explained herself further, “Everybody has a treasure chest to carry around. This chest is filled with our memories, our fears, our hopes, our dreams, our joys, our sorrows, you name it, they are all in there. Your treasure chest is all that makes you, you. Some people have a lighter chest than others. Your chest seems to be pretty heavy. There is no shame in that, you have been through a lot. Carrying your chest around can be a heavy task. You have been dragging your chest around on your own for so long, you must be exhausted.”  
The words hit Lena. She was so damn emotionally exhausted. 

“Your chest is also your burden. You can share it with your friends, family, or professional help. They will help you carry that chest around, to lighten your burden.”  
Lena shook her head, “It is my burden to carry. Nobody needs to be bothered with that.” She swallowed thick.  
Sharing that heavy load sounded too good to be true. A Luthor didn’t do that. She is not raised that way.

Kelly smiled at her, “You are right… it is your burden. It is not my burden or Kara’s or Alex’s. That is exactly why it isn’t a heavy chest for us. We can help you carry your chest, even if it’s just for a short while, it allows you to breathe again. For us, it’s not heavy because it’s not our burden. But lifting it off the ground for you, means you don’t have to drag it through the dirt until it tires you out and breaks you down.”  
Tears welled up in her eyes. She could imagine herself using all her strength to drag her heavy treasure chest through the muddy earth.

“With trauma therapy, we will open your chest together. Find the heavy stuff and figure out a way to make them lighter, so you will be able to carry a lighter chest around on your own again. A chest filled with the treasure that is Lena Luthor.” Kelly squeezed Lena’s hand and smiled encouraging at her.  
Lena was skeptical. It was hard to believe she could feel lighter.  
Looking into Kelly’s eyes she found confidence.  
Kelly truly believed she could help her.  
Maybe she should give it a try.  
“Okay.” She agreed.

With Lena’s smile, a tear escaped, “I can’t ask Kara to help me carry my chest though… I have been so horrible to her.”  
“You said she was indirectly responsible for you being broken. What did you mean by that?” Kelly asked.  
Lena chuckled, “Well… Kara kissed me on my wedding day, right before I had to walk down the aisle to marry William. The timing was the worst possible.”  
Kelly raised her eyebrows, letting go of her professional attitude, “Well, that would have worked if this was a romcom.”  
“Yeah well… Live isn’t a rom-com,” Lena scoffed, “her timing couldn’t have been worse… I would have picked her whatever her timing would have been. I fell in love with her the day we met.” She confessed.  
“But I gave up on her. William was my second best. He was sweet and respectful. The was no right choice for me to make at that moment. Every option I had would break hearts.” Lena sighed.  
“Now… I failed so badly I turned William into an insecure, short-tempered man and I yelled at Kara and chased her away.” Lena was upset with herself.  
Kelly adjusted her seat, “Okay, listen to me carefully. William’s reaction is not due to you! You might have triggered his behavior, but it was hidden inside him all along. Sooner or later, it would have come out. He needs help to deal with his issues, you are not to blame for them or how he treated you.” She was as clear as possible with Lena.

“And Kara understands more than you might think,” Kelly told her.  
Lena shook her head, “She didn’t deserve to be screamed at.”  
“Maybe not. What made you scream at her?” Kelly asked calmly.  
Lena thought for a moment, “William called. He will be back next week. I thought he was going to stay away a bit longer. Now I have to find a new place within a week or live with him until I find something suitable. I was stressed when Kara came in.” Lena thought back to that moment, biting her lip, “She was so sweet with her Big Belly Burger. But she asked questions I couldn’t answer at that moment. I was still with that phone call in my head. And I became mad at her… I wasn’t even mad at her.”  
“You were mad at William,” Kelly noted.  
Lena nodded, “Yeah.”  
“Sometimes it’s hard for us or even impossible to be mad at the person who angered us. We tend to lash out at the persons we feel close to. With the people, we feel safe with, we can let go… You probably did that with Kara. It might not be fair, but it’s a natural response to protect ourselves.”

There is truth in Kelly’s words. Lena does feel safe with Kara.  
With William, Lena couldn’t let her anger out, but with Kara, she was safe enough to let it out.

“I… I don’t want to keep secrets from Kara, but I’m afraid of how she will react when I tell her the whole story,” Lena admitted.  
Kelly nodded, “How do you think she will react?”  
Lena scoffed, “Protective.”  
Kelly frowned her brows, “That sounds like a good reaction.”  
“Not if the girl we speak of is Supergirl and has the temper to throw him into space.” Lena pulled up her eyebrows.  
“Fair enough,” Kelly smiled, “Tell Kara what you need from her. I figure you are Kara’s main priority.” she advised with confidence.

Lena sighed deep, “Thank you, Kelly. I really appreciate you coming here.”  
“You’re welcome.” She smiled.

Lena was taking help from Kelly into serious consideration, “Do you really think you can help me?” she asked for assurance.  
“I am positive! I will text you, your first appointment.” Kelly seemed strangely excited about this.  
So much it made Lena laugh. Resulting in a wince for her ribs again.

“I think you have worked hard enough for today. Get yourself some rest.” Kelly advised.  
“I’m going to leave you alone now. Don’t hesitate to call or text me. And if you feel better with Alex… She is also there for you, I know that as a matter of fact.” Kelly winked.

Lena didn’t want her to leave without a thankful hug.  
Gently Kelly hugged her back.  
“You know… Alex knows about what happened between me and William. She also saw old bruises and fractures on my scan results. Just so you know that… well, you both know.” Lena informed her.  
Kelly nodded, “Thank you for that information… Do you want me to talk to Kara?” she offered.  
Lena shook her head, “No. That truly is my burden to carry.” She smirked at Kelly.  
The psychologist had to laugh, “Fair enough. Get your rest first, you will need it.”

Against everything Lena had expecting from opening up, she did feel a lot lighter and somewhat calmer.  
Going to therapy still sounded very scary, but she will give it a try.  
Kelly is convinced she can help her lighten her burden.  
Lena had to show some respect for the way Kelly got her to open up, nobody ever succeeded in doing that.  
Kelly did!  
Who knows what else that magic worker can do?

Lena changed into a sleeping shirt and boxers and went to bed for her afternoon nap.

\-------------------------

After knocking on the door, she released a nervous breath awaiting the blonde to open up.  
It was the first time she had left her own home since she came back to National City.  
The door opened to reveal a questioned looking Kara.  
“Lena? I… didn’t expect to see you here.” Her voice sounded unsure.  
Lena brought her gift to eye-level, “I brought food, can I come in?” she smiled insecurely.

Kara sighed, “How can I say no to the Big Belly Burger?”

\---------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments I have received this far.  
> I appreciate them very much and you keep me motivated to write more, sometimes even inspire me for a twist in my storyline.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter.  
> Please let me know what you think.


	8. Let it go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last time Kara and Lena spoke, Lena lashed out at Kara.  
> She has some explaining to do.  
> Kara finding out the truth of what happened on her honeymoon can't be avoided any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a potty mouth, emotions, some fluff, and a Supercorp only chapter.

“You just bribed your way into my home.”   
Kara held the door for Lena so she could enter her apartment.  
She put the bag of food at the dining table, “Kara, I owe you an explanation for my behavior,”   
Kara stopped her, “And I would like to hear that, but I would also like to eat my burgers while they are still warm,” she joked, snatching the bag off the table and walking ahead of Lena toward her couch.  
With a pad of her hand at the spot next to her, she invited Lena to join her.  
Thankful for the light-hearted gesture, Lena sat down beside her.

While Kara can always enjoy herself a good meal, Lena has more trouble eating especially when she is stressed.  
It is a good combination, every time Lena can’t finish her meal, Kara will. Even though Kara is tempted to eat everything Lena hands her, she still keeps a critical eye on Lena’s eating pattern, making sure she does eat enough.

Lena can’t work through her meal as every fry seems to be a difficult task to finish.  
The still unspoken words are eating her up on the inside.  
She will not be able to take another bite until she got this out.

The food on her lap was a distraction.   
Lena put it aside to focus her attention on her words for Kara alone.  
She took a deep breath to brace herself for the upcoming conversation.

“Kara… I owe you an apology,” she started.  
A face stuffed with hamburger looked Lena straight in the eyes.   
Awaiting what else she had to say.

“I lashed out at you and that wasn’t fair. I wasn’t even mad at you. Yes, your timing was awful, but we could have just talked about it. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at,” Lena continued ashamed for how she acted towards Kara.  
Kara swallowed her piece of burger, “Then why did you?”   
She had that puppy look in her eyes. Lena couldn’t refuse her anything when she looked at her like that.  
Lena sighed and turned her eyes away from Kara. The eye contact was too confronting.   
“Because I was mad at William.” She explained.  
Kara frowned her brows in confusion, “At William?”  
Lena nodded, “He had just told me he was coming back and I had to find a new place within a week or I will have to stay with him until I found something else. I was so frustrated and scared. I couldn’t be angry with him… But I can with you. Because with you… I’m not afraid,” with watery eyes she searched for Kara’s sapphire blue’s.   
Admitting her fear felt uncomfortably vulnerable.

Kara stopped her chewing as she saw Lena’s face. Her crinkle appeared.  
“You are afraid?” she asked soft and concerned.  
Her attitude had changed from distant and cold to sweet and caring.  
Her focus shifted from her food to Lena.

Lena hated how small she was feeling.  
Kara already knew so much about her.   
She had seen her in a way only a few were blessed seeing her like that…   
But this was another kind of naked.  
These were another kind of private parts she put on display for Kara.

Lena could feel her lower lip trembling, “Eh… yeah. But with you, I’m not. That is why I unleashed it all at you. And I am so sorry for that, you didn’t deserve any of that,” she apologized.

Swallowing her food, Kara made room to scoot over towards Lena.  
She took Lena’s hand into her lap and rubbed her thumb comforting over the back.  
“What scares you, Lena?” she asked.   
Her voice was so warm and gentle it nearly made Lena cry.

Lena felt the safety of Kara close by.  
“A lot of things actually,” she scoffed.  
One of the things she feared was Kara’s reaction.  
It was not like she was afraid Kara would react poorly to her.   
If there was anything in her life she was certain of, it was that Kara was on her side.  
Always.  
The fear she held was for Kara’s emotions.  
She didn’t know what to expect.  
Kara could go in her overprotective Supergirl state or feel sorry for Lena.  
Both options didn’t motivate Lena to open up, to say the least.

Lena moved away from Kara, pulling back her hand in the process.  
Putting some distance between them felt more appropriate for what she was going to tell her.  
Space in-between also allowed Lena to focus on herself and her story.

“Kara… I haven’t been completely honest with you,” she fidgeted with her fingers.  
“He… Remember how I told you William and I had an argument and I fell?” she stumbled over her first words.  
With a concerned expression on her face, Kara nodded slowly.  
“Well… Those two events might have been related...” Lena was looking for the right way to explain to Kara what had happened.  
“What do you mean?” Kara asked for clarification, squinting her eyes in suspicion.  
She remembered how Kelly advised her to tell Kara what she needs from her.

“Kara? Whatever I am going to say, however you feel about that… I need you with me! Can you do that?” Lena demandingly begged.   
With those words, she braced herself for the worst possible reaction.  
“Why? … What did he do?” Kara’s voice dropped.  
Lena could see Kara's muscles flex into Supergirl state.  
She took a deep breath and let the air out with a tremble.

“Did he beat you?” Kara placed one of her hands on the backside of the couch, making the furniture crack in her grip.  
“No! No… He did not hit me!” Lena clarified quickly.  
Kara’s eyes focussed on Lena looking at her friend from the crown of her head down.  
“Don’t x-ray me!” Lena stopped her quickly. 

She wanted to tell Kara herself, not be examined by Supergirl.   
Even though she knew Supergirl and Kara are the same, to Lena they are still different. Supergirl fulfilled a different role in Lena’s life than Kara did.   
Supergirl belongs to everyone.   
Kara was special to Lena.   
Kara doesn’t mean anything to the world.  
But to Lena, Kara means the world.  
Right now, she needed the caring Kara to listen to her and nothing more.  
Not the protective, world-saving Supergirl.   
She needed her friend.   
The woman she loved.   
The only person she could be vulnerable with.

Kara didn’t let her gaze drop lower.  
Her expression turned from focus into a brief moment of shock before turning into worry.  
She sat there frozen, looking her friend in the eyes with her mouth slightly open.  
Lena knew.   
Kara’s eyes told it all.  
She had seen more bruises than Lena had prepared her for.

“He… he took hold of my arm and tossed me away. He didn’t mean to hurt me like that. It was an accident.” Lena explained fast to beat Kara into questioning about it.  
“Lee… you are so bruised,” Kara noted softly.  
Lena could hear how Kara’s voice trembled.  
“It was an accident,” Lena repeated, trying to hold unto that explanation even though a voice in the back of her mind protested wildly.

Kara sat back next to Lena instead of facing her, her eyes wandered away from her.  
“You don’t get a bruise like that from…” she started her sentence with gritted teeth and balled fists.  
Kara seemed to correct herself by closing her eyes, pressing her lips together and inhaling sharply through her nose.

“Can you tell me exactly what happened?” she asked overly calm, almost emotionless.  
Reading Kara and predicting her reaction was difficult the way she was now, that is what made Lena hesitate.  
She observed Kara while she was searching for the words or even where to start…  
Kara turned her head to lock eyes with Lena, “Please?”   
Lena could feel the love in the way Kara looked at her.  
She could believe Kara was there for her.  
Concerned about her.  
The energy Kara was radiating made Lena feel like she was supported.

Lena sighed and nodded.  
“I… I don’t really know where to start,” Lena admitted.  
Kara smiled encouraging, “Where ever is good for you… Take your time,” She assured, reaching for Lena’s hand.  
The smile gave her strength.  
Lena scooted over to sit closer to Kara.  
She accepted Kara’s hand and intertwined their fingers.  
Holding hands like this made Lena feel like she wasn’t alone in this.  
She had her strong woman to face the world with.

Lena took a deep breath, “When I came back from our evening by the bonfire, he was waiting for me…”  
She could not bear to look at Kara, but she could feel eyes burning in her skin.   
All of Kara’s attention was focussed on her.   
This made her feel self-conscious and cared for at the same time.  
Lena picked her words carefully.  
After the first few sentences, she noticed how the words came out easier than the first time she told the story.  
It was like Kelly had told her: ‘When you talk more, the words hold less power.’  
She was able to look at Kara once in a while during her story.

“My head hit the ground. And I was so scared I blacked out of this world,” Lena hesitated.  
Was she going to tell Kara about that place in her mind?   
That was a very private place…  
Lena decided she didn’t have to tell Kara about it.  
Maybe someday, but today is not that day.  
It’s not important for now.

The attempt of Mrs. Dey and William to convince Lena it was an accident and she had tripped, caused a shift in Kara’s mood.   
Her eyes narrowed and she pressed her lips in a thin line.  
This was Lena’s cue to tear her gaze away from Kara to not be distracted with other emotions than her own.

She explained how she only figured out the next day, her bruises didn’t match up to the story she had been told.

“Y…You spend the whole night next to the man who caused your pain, without you knowing it was his fault?” Kara interrupted her story with a trembling voice.  
“Well, he didn’t mean to hurt me,” Lena tried to convince her… or herself…  
“Lena, don’t…” Kara sounded hurt. She nearly begged her. Her voice also held hidden anger.  
Their eyes locked like they were trying to communicate telepathically, with Kara wanting Lena to understand something.   
Lena searched in her eyes for permission to stay in denial.  
She didn’t want to admit it.  
She didn’t want to know what she already knew.

Lena turned her eyes away from Kara when clarity hit her like a wrecking ball.  
Here she was…   
Defending William again.   
Calling it an accident without giving it a second thought.  
But Kara was right…  
He did sleep next to her without her knowing he had lost his temper on her moments before.  
“He fell asleep so easily,” Lena remembered with a quiver in her voice.

The thought was terrifying.  
Panic was creeping up on her.  
“I… I haven’t thought about it that way,” she admitted while looking Kara in the eyes.  
She pushed her panic away with anger.  
“He lost his temper… grabbed me, hurt me, threw me away… got me unconscious… convinced me I had tripped… and lay next to me as nothing had happened?” Lena’s breathing was accelerating painfully.  
She didn’t care.   
She was becoming mad, a state of being she was only comfortable with around Kara.  
A fire was rising inside her.   
She squeezed Kara’s hand as tight as she could.  
“Can I be angry, please?” she asked Kara for permission between gritted teeth.  
“Can we be angry together, please?” Kara answered with flared nostrils.   
Lena nodded resolutely.

“We talked the next day,” she continued her explanation with a lot more anger.  
She couldn’t believe his conscience didn’t bother him that night.  
“He apologized for yelling at me. I was so stupid: I didn’t want to confront him with his lie at first…”  
She couldn’t accept she had been so understanding.  
Lena scoffed, “After he painfully hugged me and pointed out it was an accident… again! I told him I knew it wasn’t…”  
She couldn’t imagine what she was thinking, keeping her pain inside, and allowing him to hurt her because his guilt needed that hug.

Kara produced her best crinkle, “How did he take that?” she asked sceptical.   
“He told me he tried to talk about his insecurities with me, but I was cold and distant so he couldn’t.” Lena’s voice cracked with anger.   
“So, he blamed you?!” Kara’s asked in cynical surprise. 

Kara was right.  
He did blame her.  
He manipulated her into believing she had enabled his reaction.

“Basically… yeah.” Lena concluded.  
“That is so, not okay…” Kara shook her head in disbelief.  
She blocked off all Lena’s self-blame with her understanding.  
“It is not!” enabled by Kara’s reaction, Lena dared to speak from an oppressed part of her mind.  
The way he played Lena became clearer by the minute.  
“He felt sorry for himself and told me again…” Lena locked her eyes with Kara’s.  
“It was an accident!” Kara joined in with Lena finishing her sentence together.

Lena stood up and starting pacing up and down the room, “I was so dumb, I even apologized.”  
She became angry with herself for not seeing through his manipulation.  
Kara lifted herself on her feet, “For what?” increasing in volume.  
Lena threw her hands up in the air, “For falling in love with you.”

Between all the anger and frustration, Kara let a smile escape to those words.  
Lena was pumping herself up, “And guess what?”

It felt so good to let the anger flow.   
Let her words come without limits.   
Without holding anything back.   
She might have been unfair at some points.   
She might have lost her rational thought.  
But this was a box of feelings opening up.  
The part of her she ignored from the first time he yelled at her.  
The part that did feel the injustice inflicted on her all this time.  
The part that knew she didn’t deserve any of his misbehavior.  
The part that loved her.

“What?!” Kara shouted with aggression that felt strangely comforting to Lena.

Kara was enabling her to be angry.  
Kara was allowing her to let go.  
Kara was feeding her the energy of justice.  
Kara was giving her strength.  
Kara was keeping her safe by provoking her emotions to be free.

Lena stopped her pace and pointed her finger at nothing in particular, “That dumbass didn’t get the memo the night before!” she screamed.  
Her voice was becoming hoarse as she was using her vocal cords as she had never used them before: expressing raw emotion.   
“Nooooo,” Kara’s eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped.  
“I reminded him that I told him before he threw me,” she stepped forward, “He denied throwing me and he called me a bitch!” she was panting from straining herself to release this much emotion.  
“He did what?” Kara balled her fists as she inhaled sharply.

Lena could see the anger in Kara rise, which made her somehow feel stronger.  
Kara’s presence worked like a magnet on Lena.

“I saw how he pumped himself up. His muscles flexed and I closed my eyes, ready for impact. I was sure he was going to hit me.” Lena’s eyes grew wide after her last words.  
She had pushed that thought out of her mind because he didn’t hit her.  
But in her consciousness, she was prepared to take the beating, that was how unsafe she felt.

“That son of a… mother,” Kara wasn’t particularly good at name-calling, “did he hit you?”  
Lena shook her head, “No… no, Mr. Dey stopped him…” her voice was suddenly insecure.   
“He saved me, Kara.” she just now realized how serious the situation was the moment Mr. Dey stepped in.   
She realized why Mr. Dey was so hard on William.  
She didn’t get it back then, but she sure gets it now.  
Lena clapped her hands over her mouth.

Kara was panting heavily, trying to contain her anger and keeping a watchful eye on Lena to figure out what she needed at this moment. 

Lena was empty all of a sudden.  
“He was going to hurt me,” Lena whispered out loud what her thoughts were going through.  
Visions of what might have happened if papa Dey didn’t intervene appeared in her mind.   
She didn’t want to see them.  
She didn’t want to think of the possibilities.  
She didn’t want the ‘what if’s’ to take over her thoughts.  
She needed to push them away.

“And you were scared,” Kara’s caring voice got her back to the present time.  
Her expression had turned 180 degrees.   
She had lost her anger.   
Her shoulders were hanging.  
Kara looked like she wanted nothing more than to shield Lena from the outside world.  
To take her in her arms and keep her safe.

Lena nodded with her eyes staring right through Kara.  
“I was,” she admitted emotionless.  
For a moment she could feel her fear again.  
Feel the panic grabbing hold of her throat.  
Making it difficult to breathe.  
It made her mad.  
Mad that she still got scared.  
It made her rage how she allowed him to make her feel so small.

“That asshole,” she groaned.  
Kara’s head jerked up.   
She had to adjust to Lena’s change in energy fast.  
“He made me feel small, that piece of shit!” Lena clenched her fists.  
“You are big, Lena.” Kara clumsily spoke in her attempt to lift her spirit.  
“Excuse me?” Lena tilted her head to the side. Her angry eyes focussed on Kara.  
“I mean, great… You are strong, Lena. And you don’t deserve any of his cow poop.” Kara corrected herself.  
“He is a fucking lunatic.” Lena picked her raging name-calling back up.  
Kara allowed her.  
She failed miserably in her attempt to shout along with Lena, “With his baby… fluff… eating face.”  
It didn’t matter what Kara brought into the mix, Lena screamed louder and more emotional with every curse.

“I hope the dumb fuck burns!”   
She released the darkest part of her soul for the things she wished upon him at this moment.  
“Let the… bad… boy-man hit his pinkie toe at the corner of the table.”  
Kara did the same.  
“No one will cry at his funeral!” secretly Lena enjoyed how she could let go with Kara by her side.  
“I will freeze him and stop climate change so he will be frozen forever!” Kara pulled up her nose in disgust for him.

With every insult, Kara and Lena got a step closer together.  
“Let him suffer from his brick face!” tears of rage were pouring out of Lena’s eyes.  
God, this felt good to speak without limitations.

“I’ll send him to the phantom zone forever,” having spent 24 years in the phantom zone, this was a heavy wish from the blonde.  
“Let him die!” Lena gritted between her teeth, standing nose to nose with Kara.  
“Kill him with Kryptonite!” Kara’s eyes were watery from the hurt he had inflicted on her loved one.

Both women were panting.   
Their fists were clenched.  
Teeth were gritted.  
Eye contact so electric, Kara’s lasers seemed less lethal.  
The tension had reached its peak.  
Lena needed release after that heavy build-up.  
Her body was burning.  
Her head pounding.

Lena let her eyes fall on Kara’s slightly parted lips and shot back up to her eyes.  
How she longed for a change of mind now.  
Let their bodies do the talking.  
She wanted Kara.  
And she wanted her now.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” she growled.  
She took Kara’s shirt in her hands and pulled her close.  
Like a hungry lioness, she attacked Kara’s lips, ready to devour her.  
Kara accepted eagerly with an open mouth.   
Without losing their fanatic contact, Lena tried to shake her blazer off.  
Kara helped her pull the clothing off her shoulders, tossing the piece of fabric to the side.  
Lena pulled Kara’s shirt over her head, their lips only parted for a brief second.  
“Bed?” Kara breathed against Lena’s mouth.  
“Bed!” Lena nodded eagerly.  
Kara picked Lena up, holding her tights.  
Lena wrapped her legs around Kara’s waist as Kara walked them both into her bedroom while hungry kisses were shared.  
In their enthusiasm, Kara crashed into the bed and tumbled on top of Lena.

Lena screamed out in pain.

Adrenaline had made them both forget how seriously injured Lena still was.  
Afraid to hurt her anymore, Kara was floating above Lena.  
The explosion of pain, anger, fear, and sorrow, made Lena cry out loud.  
Gasping for air hurt even more.  
Even weeping caused her pain.  
She didn’t know how to soften her wounds.  
Her hands searched for Kara’s to hold.

As soon as Kara understood what Lena’s waving hands were searching for, she offered them to her.  
Lena held onto her with all her strength.  
Trying to steady her breathing and clenching the pain out of her.  
She thanked Kara’s Rao for sending this strong Kryptonian Angel into her life.

The physical hurt slowly faded.  
She loosened her grip until she was steady enough to let Kara go.  
Leaving her feeling alone and exhausted.

Kara lowered herself carefully next to Lena, stroking her face gently.  
“Rao, I’m sorry Lena… Shit!”   
Afraid to hurt her again, she did not dare to get any closer.

The physical pain wasn’t what hurt Lena the most anymore.  
Her emotional wound lay naked to the world.  
She needed to be close with Kara to not feel alone anymore.  
Her mental state of mind needed more release than her body did apparently.   
She turned to her side and curled herself around Kara.  
The blonde placed her hand softly on Lena’s back.   
Lena welcomed her touch by leaning into it.  
Kara’s fingers drew soothing patterns between her shoulder blades.   
She let her tears flow on Kara’s chest.

Kara’s arms shielded her from all that could hurt her now that her guard was down.  
Lena could not protect herself right now, but she wasn’t alone.  
Being allowed to feel weak was a freeing sensation.

She sniffed as silent tears escaped her eyes.  
“I’m so tired, Kara,” Lena said softly with a hoarse voice.  
“It’s okay, Lee. You can drift off,” she offered, “I’ll take care of you.”  
Lena let out a deep breath.

Giving in to her emotions had taken a toll on Lena.  
It didn’t take long for her to slumber into a deep sleep.

\----------------------------------------- 

Lena woke up in an empty bed.  
Her body was aching like the last morning in London.  
She was feeling stiff and painful.  
Groaning she pushed herself up.  
Looking around for Kara she discovered the apartment was empty.

Lena forced herself out of bed.  
It was only now that she realized Kara had tucked her in.  
A smile formed Lena’s lips in appreciation of the sweet gesture.

“Kara?” her rasped voice called weakly for her friend.  
She inspected the apartment.  
These city lights outside were the only thing lighting up the room.  
Inside, everything was dark except for the digital clock on the oven that told Lena the current time was 11:47 pm.   
The apartment was a bit chilly compared to earlier that day.  
When she saw the curtains being moved by the wind from an open window, Lena found out why.

Kara must have flown out for an emergency.

Lena stared out the window.  
An inner peace had fallen over her.  
With a smile she thought back to all the anger she let go.  
The thought of Kara’s weak attempts to cursing and name-calling made Lena chuckle.  
Lena couldn’t deny how cute she was when she tried to be a potty mouth.  
Though the ‘shit’ came as a surprise.

Lena made herself a cup of tea.  
She warmed herself by sipping her tea while looking out to search for her favorite red and blue blur in the sky.  
The darkness made it harder to observe, but maybe she could find some movement anyway.

Her body was stiff and sore, but her mind was thankful and calmer than it had been in a while.  
She thought of going home after her cup of tea, but she couldn’t leave Kara without a goodnight kiss.  
So, she waited for the Super to return home.

Between two buildings Lena thought she saw movement in the sky.  
Before she could blink her eyes, a force of wind brought Kara back to her.  
“Lena… You’re up.” She sounded startled.  
Kara’s eyes were swollen and red.  
“Yeah, I woke up. You weren’t there so I made myself some tea. I hope that’s alright...” Lena told her, while she took a good look at Kara.  
She looked like she had been pouring her eyes out.  
“Kara, are you okay?” Lena asked worriedly.  
“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” the blonde nodded skittishly.  
“Don’t lie to me, we are past that. You don’t look okay.” Lena noted with care.  
She palmed Kara’s face, wiping a tear away.  
“I… I should have been here when you woke up, okay?” Kara freed herself from Lena’s touch and made her way towards her kitchen.

“I should have stayed when you went inside the house… You told me he yelled at you and I laughed because he called you straight!” Kara gestured wildly with her arms.  
Lena stood there silently listening to what was haunting Kara’s mind.  
“I could have known he wouldn’t be good for you. He already yelled at you. He shouldn’t have done that, but I allowed it to happen. I allowed you to get hurt. I shouldn’t have left, Lena. I should have stayed and listen. I should have protected you. I could have protected you, but I didn’t. I didn’t, Lena. I failed you!” tears were rolling down her face.  
Lena couldn’t listen to Kara blaming herself anymore.  
She put her tea aside and strolled over towards Kara.

“Okay now, that’s enough,” Lena announced while approaching her friend.  
Stopping Kara during a ramble wasn’t an easy task.  
“And I am so sorry, Lena. I wasn’t there. I should have-”   
Lena cut her off by cupping her face between her hands, “Stop it, Kara!”  
She forced Kara to look at her.  
“I didn’t save you…” Kara whimpered.  
Lena took a deep breath, “You are here now, Kara. That is all that matters… You are saving me, now!” She wanted Kara to understand how grateful she was for how safe she made her feel.

Kara finally stopped her rambling.  
Her lower lip was trembling.  
Even though Kara was still wearing her Supergirl outfit, Lena had never seen her this powerless.  
“Why didn’t you call me, Lena? You promised me you would…” her voice cracked.   
Kara was completely broken.  
Lena didn’t have an answer to that question.   
She pulled Kara into an embrace.  
Now it was time for Lena to comfort Kara. 

Realizing they were in this together was awful and comforting at the same time.  
Seeing Kara like this was torture to Lena.  
“I’m sorry, Kara,” Lena whispered in her ear.  
The sound of the most powerful being on earth crying on her shoulder was tearing her heart apart.

Lena kissed Kara’s temple.  
“You have no idea how thankful I am to have you in my life.”   
She cradled the Kryptonian in her arms.  
With hesitation, Kara slipped her arms around Lena’s waist.  
She made sure not to put any pressure on the touch.  
This gentle gesture warmed the Luthor’s heart.

Kara lifted her head from Lena’s shoulder, resting her forehead against Lena’s.  
“Why didn’t you press the button, Lena? I could have helped you.”  
Lena shook her head, “No Kara, you couldn’t have. It all happened so fast, my mind totally blacked out… It took me a while to realize what had happened and how serious it was,” she explained calmly.  
Kara swallowed thick, “But… he hurt you because of me…”   
“No!” Lena was clear in her answer, “What I feel for you might have been his trigger, but it was his insecurity that did this. Not you… and not me!”   
After all that she had spoken in his defense, it was freeing to speak in her own defense for once.

It really wasn’t her fault.  
Mr. Dey had told her.  
Alex had told her.  
Kelly had told her.  
Kara had told her…  
It was about time she allowed herself to say the words out loud.  
“It wasn’t my fault,” she repeated for herself with a saddened smile.

“Even if nothing was going on between us… this part of him would have come out sooner or later. He never faced his demons before… That is why he became my demon.” Lena concluded trembling.

Kara created distance between their faces so they could look each other in the eyes.  
A small smile adorned her face.  
She seemed calm.  
“I very much dislike him for that! But I love you for not taking his crap.”  
A smirk broke through Lena’s tension, “Did Kara Danvers just say, crap?” she quirked her eyebrow.  
“Well… Listening to you earlier expanded my vocabulary tremendously,” she giggled.

“May I throw him into space? I could, you know. Please?”   
Lena couldn’t make out if Kara was joking or if she was serious.  
It was clear to Lena that Kara was angry with him.  
“Kara… my bruises will heal. Once the divorce is through and I found a new place to live… He will be history and we will laugh about this,” Lena assured her while letting her fingers play with blonde curls.  
Kara scoffed, “I am pretty sure there will never be a day I laugh about my girlfriend getting hurt.”

A shiver went down Lena’s spine.  
She was gasping for words.  
Kara called her ‘girlfriend’.  
Sure, she and Kara have been very close and her heart belongs to Kara…   
But labeling what they have, while she was still married to William didn’t feel right.

“What is it?” Kara asked worriedly.  
Lena pulled her lips in a thin line, “I was just… ehm… Could we please wait with labeling what we have at least until I am divorced?” she asked with a careful smile.  
Kara did, what Lena revered to as, the gaping fish expression, “O… ah… yeah, s-sure. Cool… Yep, that is fine,” her arms stiffened.

Lena couldn’t help but smile at how awkward Kara became.  
When her smile was noticed, she gave Lena a questioned look.  
“I love you, Kar. No label will change that. But… Officially I’m still married to William and when you get to call me your girlfriend… I want to be yours alone.” Lena explained herself.  
Lena rested her head against Kara’s shoulder.

The cradling had turned into a slow dance to non-existing music.  
Lena could feel how Kara’s arms relaxed around her waist again.   
“I love you too,” Kara whispered.

As time was passing by, Kara and Lena hold on to each other.  
Moving in rhythm to the silence of the night.  
The chilly evening breeze danced around their bodies.

Even though Kara radiated warmth like she was the sun herself, Lena was cooling down.  
Her tank top didn’t shelter her from the outside cold.  
Her fatigue didn’t keep her warm from the inside.  
Lena would like to close the window and put on something warm.  
Those actions would require her to leave Kara’s arms.  
The way they were moving now made her feel molten into the Kryptonian like they were merged into one. 

Kara noticed how Lena was shivering.  
“I’ll go close the window,” she announced.  
Lena wanted to say ‘no’.  
She wanted to stay close with Kara.  
But she didn’t want to sound desperate.

Kara had already slipped out of her arms.  
With closing the window, she also changed into her pajamas.  
Her Care Bear nightwear was so childishly endearing it made Lena’s insides flutter.  
“Cute!” she complimented.  
A blush colored Kara’s cheeks.

Lena wondered, “What were you doing outside anyway?”  
“Ow… I… ehh…” Kara adjusted her glasses, “I needed to clear my mind. Some people go for a run or a walk… I go flying,” she looked outside the window, “nobody will bother me up there. I can let everything go.”  
Kara smiled a bit embarrassed.

It seemed like Kara had been crying out there to process things on her own.  
“I’m sorry I pulled you into this. I never meant for this to happen,” Lena apologized.  
With a slow pace, Kara returned to Lena’s side by the kitchen.  
She sighed and let her hands glide from Lena’s shoulders down her arms.  
The bruise on her arm fell victim to a close inspection of the blonde, resulting in a gentle kiss on the colored area.  
The soft lips on her skin created a wave of goosebumps all over her body.  
Kara let her hands travel further down until their hands met.  
She brought them to the level of her mouth and kissed her fingers.  
“Like it or not… We are in this together,” her eyes twinkled with love, “You are not alone, Lee. I’m with you.”

Kara could be such a charmer, she made Lena’s heart pump stronger while weakening her knees at the same time.

“Do you want to stay for the night?” Kara asked shyly.  
Lena opened her mouth to answer but got interrupted by a rambling Kara.  
“I mean… we don’t have to… you know… I didn’t mean it that way… Not that I don’t want to… Only if you… I mean… I don’t want you to be alone right now… To be honest I would like to have you near me… tonight… I can sleep on the couch if you prefer… You don’t have to of course… I can take you home…”  
Lena betrayed how much she enjoyed Kara’s nervous chatter by giggling through the pain in her ribs.  
“Yes. Kara, yes! I would like to spend the night.” She smiled  
“Ah… good… I think I can find pajamas that would fit you,” Kara was already looking towards her clothing storage.  
Lena couldn’t waste an opportunity to tease Kara, “Are you calling me fat?” she said bitch.  
With a shocked expression, Kara jerked her head back, “What? No! No, you’re not. Our body types are just different… Wh… You’re laughing… That’s mean,” she smiled as soon as she realized Lena was messing with her.

Lena winced from laughing too hard.  
“You deserve hurting yourself for making fun of me,” Kara joked while opening her closet.   
“You sound like your sister,” Lena groaned.   
“Yeah… It’s almost like I grew up with her,” she reacted sarcastically.  
Lena pulled up an eyebrow, “Wow, now you are just channeling her. Don’t be so creepy. I mean… I like Alex but I do not want to sleep with her,” she was so free to pour her and Kara a glass of wine.  
“You don’t?” Kara winked.  
She handed her an oversized t-shirt.  
“I’d rather sleep with you,” Lena flirted before she took a sip from her glass.

Lena struggled to get out of her jeans and tank top.  
All the straining the emotions caused her muscles had stiffened her body.  
Kara was making herself ready for bed in the bathroom while Lena desperately tried to pull her jeans over her behind.  
If she would have been alone now, she had the option to bit through her pain or live in her jeans until she would die.

A sweet chuckle brightened up the room.  
It was Kara who was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed in front of her chest.  
“Do you need any help?” she asked.  
Being dependent was embarrassing to the young Luthor.  
She shook her head, “I will be fine on my own.”

Kara threw her hands in the air and let her at it.  
She left the bedroom to Lena’s relief.  
She could just stumble her way out her jeans without a watchful eye.

“How do you undress at home?” she heard Kara ask from the bathroom.  
“I wear leggings, sweatpants, or no pants at all,” Lena explained.  
Kara came back and handed her some pain killers and a glass of water, “Interesting!” she smirked.  
Lena pulled up an eyebrow, “Be careful, darling. You are tempting me in your Care Bear pajama’s.”  
“It’s Sun Bear,” Kara chuckled.  
Lena swallowed her pills with water, “Her name is Funshine Bear.”  
“O my Rao! Lena Luthor knows the actual Care Bear names?” Kara’s jaw dropped as she took the glass away from Lena.  
“Yeah well. You might have noticed… I am a genius!” Lena joked cocky.  
Kara laughed, “Knowing the Care Bears by name defiantly proves that.”  
“Who needs several University degrees when you know the Care Bears by name?” she smiled, still unable to lift her arms high enough to pull her tank top off.

Kara placed her hands over Lena’s, “Allow me,” she offered.  
Normally Lena wouldn’t let anyone help her.  
She didn’t allow her husband to help her after she fell and didn’t know he was responsible for her pain.

But this was Kara.  
Everything was easier with Kara.  
She took a deep breath and released it slowly.  
“Yes, please.” 

There was something sensual in the way Kara’s fingers barely brushed her skin as she traveled up her torso to remove the fabric from her skin.  
Kara was careful not to hurt Lena.  
She took it slow and was gentle.  
It made Lena’s fire ignite.  
“You are so beautiful, Lee.” Kara worded her admiration after she tossed the top away.  
Lena’s body was bruised and anything from fit.  
She didn’t feel sexy at all.  
But Kara’s words were genuine and true.  
Lena was weak for the woman in the Care Bear pajama.  
“You know… you don’t need a pajama to be my Rainbow Bear. You wear all the colors on your skin.”  
Lena was glad Kara could make a joke about her bruises.  
After all the anger and the tears, a smile was a welcome change.  
“You mean Cheer Bear,” she corrected Kara with a mischievous smile.  
Her hands explored Kara’s hipbones, traveling to her back, slipping under the fabric she was wearing.   
Lena leaned in for a taste of her Funshine Bear.  
Kara tangled her hands in Lena’s hair, gladly accepting the kiss.

\-----------------------------------

The smell of fresh pancakes woke Lena in the morning.  
Well-rested she opened her eyes with a smile on her face.  
“Good morning, beautiful,” Kara was standing next to the bed holding a plate.  
“Good morning, Funshine,” Lena was enjoying the new nickname she gave Kara.  
“I made you breakfast,” she clarified.  
Lena tried to push herself up.  
In her struggle, she felt two arms helping her sit.  
“Thank you,” she smiled while pulling the sheets up to cover herself.  
“That is unnecessary, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” Kara commented while placing the plate on top of Lena.   
Lena watched Kara climb in bed next to her, “Says the girl who put her pajama’s back on,”   
“That’s because I’m so cute wearing it,” Kara pecked Lena’s lips lovingly.

Lena’s heart could grow two sizes from all the love Kara offered her.  
She didn’t know what she did to deserve this.  
“You spoil me too much.”  
She shyly stokes a lock of hair behind her ear.  
Kara shrugged with a meaningful smile, “I enjoy taking care of you.”

Lena’s hair was still wet from the shower.  
She was wearing leggings and a wide t-shirt from Kara to prevent her from struggling in undressing again.  
The time had come to call her driver to pick her up.  
He was back on call again, because today would have been the day Lena would originally return from her honeymoon.  
News of her divorce would come out eventually anyway.  
She had been discreet until now.  
People could spot her leaving Kara’s apartment building.  
Lena had hope that her divorce wouldn’t be linked to Kara, but she couldn’t prevent that from happening.  
Tomorrow she would return to L-Corp.  
She had to make sure her company could do without her one day a week as Kelly had suggested.  
Finding a new place to live was also high up on her to-do list.   
If she couldn’t find anything within a week, she could always clear room in the L-Corp building and live there for as long as necessary.  
Sharing her home with William wasn’t an option for her anymore.

“Are you leaving?” Kara asked surprised from the doorframe while drying her hair.  
“Yeah… there are some things I need to take care of,” Lena explained herself.

“Stay!” Kara blurted out.  
Lena had to be sure she didn’t misunderstand, “What?” was the only word she could find to express herself. 

“Why don’t you stay with me? I can make room for you. I can be good to you… Just stay with me.” Kara suggested with her irresistible puppy eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter of our girls working out their emotions.
> 
> Comment if you like.  
> I always enjoy seeing your comments.


	9. Guess who's back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is struggling with life.  
> Getting back to L-Corp isn't as easy as she thought it would be.  
> Acting like a decent human being was a challenge.  
> Lena's mood is suffering from the trauma's she has endured.  
> Ever since her honeymoon, Lena isn't the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena is a potty mouth.  
> I'm not gonna put in any more warnings about her bad use of language.  
> This is a part of her now.  
> She has unleashed the swearing beast.

L-Corp had done okay in Lena’s absence.  
All was still the same as the CEO claimed her throne with big confident steps.  
Every employee would know miss Luthor was back in the building.  
On the top floor, her assistant greeted her with a cheerful smile, “Good morning miss Luthor. How was your Honeymoon?”  
With a flip of her wrist, Lena ordered Eve to follow her into her office.  
She sat down behind her desk, “If I ask you to find me the best divorce lawyer, does that answer your question?” she raised her eyebrow at Eve.  
“Ow, I’m sorry miss Luthor. I will find you a lawyer. Is there anything else I can assist you with?” Eve adjusted quickly to Lena’s bad mood.  
“Yes. Bring me a coffee, please,” she ordered.  
“Right away, miss Luthor.”

It wasn’t like Lena to be distant and cold to her employees.  
She was loved amongst most of the staff.  
Her reputation was that of a professional boss who cared for her people.  
Today she couldn’t care less.  
Her employees would do their jobs like they were supposed to do.  
Being nice was low on Lena’s list of priorities.

Opening her computer to read her e-mails and check her schedule was the first task on her to-do list. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Finding a new place to live wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be.  
Kara had asked her to stay with her.  
The idea of being with Kara all the time was wonderful and frightening at the same time.  
She knew Kara would take good care of her, that wasn’t the issue.  
Lena wanted Kara as her girlfriend, not as her caretaker.

Before, Lena and Kara had always been equal.  
They respected and protected each other.  
Lena fell in love with Kara as her equal.  
Kara fell in love with Lena as her equal.

Because of all the recent events, the balance had shifted.  
Lena refused to be Kara’s broken doll that needed to be fixed and handled with care.  
She would find her way.  
She always has and she always will.

She would love to move in with Kara eventually.  
Or buy a home together.  
Lena never cared much for the place she stayed.  
It had to be practical.  
That is why she didn’t bother to fight William over the house.  
She had never gotten attached to it.

L-Corp was her home.  
Especially her lab, where she could experiment and let her brain run free.  
Creating a place to stay in L-Corp wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Kara was her home.  
With Kara, she could be herself.  
She could let go.  
Be silly.  
Be emotional.  
Be grumpy.  
With Kara, she could laugh.  
But now was not the right time.

Lena had told Kara, she needed to think about it.  
Kara reacted understanding, but the disappointment was written all over her face. 

\--------------------------------------------------

Lena struggled through the week.  
She had snapped at her employees a couple of times.  
Especially Eve had to deal with a lot of her unreasonable bickering.  
The business deal with Border-Tec, which was close to certain with only formalities left to discuss, was now questionable because of her lack of focus.  
She was slipping.

Thankfully her therapy started this Friday.  
Lena figured she would be able to function a lot better afterward.  
Her emotions were so unstable.  
Every reaction was a surprise to herself.  
She couldn’t control what tone was coming out of her mouth. 

\---------------------------------------------------

Lena let her head drop in her hands.  
“Is it always this though?” she asked Kelly.

She had made it till the end of her first trauma therapy session with Kelly.  
They went deeper into the situation on the couch, where William tensed up but Mr. Dey intervened.  
Kelly and Lena decided on that moment because it was recent, it was loaded, but probably not the most loaded trauma to work on.  
They were planning on unraveling her traumas one by one.  
Lena was completely drained.  
She had experienced it all over again.

“Most people experience their first session to be the hardest. You might have to deal with nightmares, mood swings, anxiety, fatigue, restlessness, or being overly tired. That is normal.”  
Kelly warned her.  
Lena nodded in understanding.  
“Lena, your next week will probably be hard, but after your next session it usually gets easier.”

Lena was empty.  
Nothing was left to say.

She grabbed her bag.  
All she wanted to do was leave, but Kelly stopped her.

“Lena… I want to ask you something like a friend and not as your therapist…”  
Lena put the bag on her lap and waited patiently for the question.  
“You told me William is coming back this Sunday and you don’t want to share a home with him anymore. Which is completely understandable! But have you found a place to stay?” she asked.

Lena dropped her gaze to her bag, “Kara asked me to stay with her…”  
“But you haven’t accepted yet,” Kelly noted.  
She shook her head, “No, I haven’t… I mean… I want to be with her… But if I moved in with her now, I am afraid I will be doing it for the wrong reasons,” she explained.  
She looked up and told Kelly her final decision, “I am going to clear a room in L-Corp this weekend and stay there.”  
Kelly nodded and squinted her eyes a bit, “You are going to face one of the most challenging weeks in your life and you are planning on living alone at your place of work?”  
Lena could feel Kelly’s skepticism, “That is correct.”  
There was no other option except for… “I’m not going to bother Kara,” she clarified.

“Well…” Kelly pulled her lips into a thin line when she let a small pause fill the room.  
“Kara told us about her proposition to you and how you had to think about it. The three of us talked about it and Alex and I want you to come and stay with us,” Kelly offered.  
Lena’s jaw dropped as her eyes grew big.  
This wasn’t a bad idea if she was completely honest with herself.  
Kelly and Alex were safe but more distant than Kara.  
They would be more neutral.  
But it’s too big.  
She can’t expect others to help her out.  
“O no… I can’t possibly accept,” she answered.  
Kelly tilted towards Lena, “Yes you can. You are like family. And family takes care of each other.”  
She reached for Lena’s hand.  
Lena was touched by the gesture, “And you are sure Alex wants me in your house?” she asked sceptical.  
Kelly chuckled, “It was Alex’s idea.”  
Lena could feel her face heat up.  
She did consider Alex a friend, but she didn’t expect this from her.  
“I… I can’t image what Kara would think about that,” Lena stammered.  
“You know Kara... She will probably help you move,” Kelly’s words were a good possibility.

Lena had procrastinated her moving for as long as possible.  
No option seemed to be a good one.  
Being alone in the L-Corp 24/7 terrified her.  
She would get lost in her job.  
Moving in with people terrified her.  
She would not be the best version of herself.

But this were Kelly and Alex.  
Kelly understood so much.  
And Alex could keep her grounded.

“Okay,” Lena decided with a sigh.  
She took Kelly’s hand, “I will stay with you while I look for something else.”  
“Stay as long as necessary!” Kelly clarified.  
Lena stood up and hugged Kelly, “Thank you!” 

“We will help you move into our guestroom tomorrow. For now, you will go home and get some rest. If you are tired, just take a nap. Listen to your body. You have been working hard today,” the therapist instructed her.

\------------------------------------------------------

Her home had turned into a quiet and unwelcome place.  
The prospect of moving in with Kelly and Alex secretly excited her.  
It was the perfect solution.  
Lena wouldn’t be alone.  
She wouldn’t get lost in her job.  
Kara could come by whenever she wanted.  
But she wouldn’t be bound to Kara or owe her something.  
They could have a good start for a healthy relationship.

Kelly was right: Lena couldn’t remember the last time she was this tired, not even when the healing process of her bruises sucked up a lot of her energy.  
Her injuries had taken a big step in healing, even though she wasn’t as pain-free as she used to be.  
Laughing and sudden movements were still stinging, but she could breathe freely again.

She left her bag and coat in the hallway near the door and went straight to her bedroom.  
Undressing wasn’t a hard task anymore, which made it possible to sleep freely without straining herself beforehand.

Kara had come to visit every other day for the past week.  
The promise to stop by today gave Lena something to look forward too.  
Though she wanted nothing more than sleep, being Kara’s little spoon sounded like an even better idea.

 _”Hey Funshine. I’m going to take a nap. Feel free to use the spare key and join me if I’m asleep.”_ She texted Kara.

The fabric of her blanket hugged her skin as she curled herself into fetus position with her face away from the door.

Her phone lit up with a message from Kara, _"I have to round some things up. Don’t wait for me, I’ll be quiet 😉”_

Lena smiled at her screen before putting it away.  
It didn’t take long for her to slumber off to sleep.

\------------------------------------------

Half asleep she heard the door open.  
She let out a happy sigh for she knew Kara would curl up against her in a few moments.  
Lena didn’t bother to keep herself awake when she was well-rested Kara would be next to her and that thought was comforting enough to let her drift back to sleep again.

A dip in the bed next to her betrayed the presence of another body.  
Kara must have gotten in.  
The sweetheart didn’t even go under the covers with her.  
Probably not to disturb her or to remain respectful or something.  
Sometimes, Lena would like Kara to be a little less respectful.

Fingers caressed her scalp and played with her hair.  
Lena leaned into the touch.  
A soft moan escaping her lips.  
How she would love to have Kara spooned around her and protect her from all the harm her mind is battling.

She sleepily turned around to face Kara.  
Her eyelids were too heavy to open up, but it didn’t matter, she could find Kara by touch.  
Kara smelled different than her usual sweet self, Lena noticed.  
The scent was familiar, but maybe it was just the house that got the air mixed up.  
Lena’s hand searched for Kara’s between them.  
Her finger brushed skin.  
“Hey Funshine,” her rasped voice was still too tired to work properly.  
She clutched her hand around Kara’s.  
…  
No, not Kara’s.  
This hand was a lot bigger and rougher to touch.

Her eyes shot open in realization and she stared right in the forest green lookers of her soon to be ex-husband.  
She gasped in her shock.  
“Hey precious,” he smiled softly at her.

Forgetting she was dressed in nothing more than underwear, she jumped out of the bed, “What the fuck are you doing here?”  
His eyes traveled too low for eye contact.  
Lena grabbed a pillow to cover herself up, “For fuck sake, what are you? Thirteen?! Get out!”  
He rolled himself off the opposite side of the bed and held his hands up in defense.  
“I’m not leaving. I came to talk.”  
“You can talk with your therapist, but not with me!” she sneered at him.

Being alone with him was uncomfortable.  
Especially after her therapy session today.  
She could not handle her demon standing right in front of her.

“Darling, please… I believe there is a chance for us…” he pleads.  
“We are done, William. I already called a divorce lawyer,” Lena made clear to him.  
She could feel her tension rising.  
Her fear was mixed with anger and sadness, an explosive combination.  
Her hands clenched the pillow in front of her chest like it was the only thing keeping her grounded.

He sighed and lowered his hands.  
“A divorce lawyer? Lena, please. Let’s go to couple therapy. Let’s try at least once. I want to fight for us.”  
Lena squinted her eyes shut and shook her head rapidly from left to right while he continued begging: “We are still married, Lena. You are my wife. Give me a chance to prove myself, you owe me that.”  
Those last words pushed Lena over the edge.

She threw the pillow at him and took big steps in his direction.  
“I don’t owe you shit!” she shouted.  
With all the strength she could gather in her muscles she started pushing him in the direction of the door.  
“Now, get the fuck out of my house!” she demanded.  
He slightly moved backward, “I’m not leaving, this is my house as well.”  
Lena had pushed him out of the bedroom into the hallway.  
“Today it isn’t. You were not supposed to be back, now leave!” she insisted again.  
William took hold of Lena’s wrists and pinned her against the wall, “Calm down love! What is wrong with you?”

Lena was not his love anymore.  
What the hell was he thinking?  
With her hands out of order, she tried using her knees and feet to kick him.  
She wanted him gone.  
Out.  
Now!

He pressed his full body against her, sandwiching her between him and the wall.  
“Stop fighting, Lena. I’m not here to hurt you!” his voice was louder than before.  
He was demanding control.  
With her limbs unable to move, she felt trapped.  
Panic was creeping up on her.  
Physically she could not fight him off.  
She couldn’t…

Lena took a big gulp of air and screamed from the top of her lungs.  
William squinted his eyes and turned his head away from the loud sound piercing his ears.  
He managed to take both her wrists in one hand by applying more pressure and cover her mouth with his other hand.  
“Shut up!” he screamed in her face.

The front door flew open.  
Almost simultaneously a bang came from the opposite wall of the hall.

Lena was alone with her back flat against the wall, panting from all the panic.  
Her vision was blurry for a moment.

“You listen to me, pall! You will not touch her again, you will not go near her again, you will not breathe the same air as her again! Do I make myself clear?” was shouted.

Lena shook herself out of her confused state.  
She found Kara pinning William against the wall with her muscles tensed and fists clenched.

The possibility of all that Kara could do to him if she lost control came to Lena’s mind.  
She didn’t fear for William.  
She didn’t care enough about him anymore to be bothered.  
Kara could overstep irreversible boundaries.  
She did care about Kara’s soul.  
Lena got herself moving in the direction of her loved one.

“Stay out of this, Kara. This is between me and Lena,” his words were brave, but his voice held an insecure quiver.  
Kara clenched her right fist and pulled it backward, “Nothing is between you and Lena anymore! Not while I’m around!”  
Lena reached for Kara’s fist, stopping it before she could take a swing.  
Her left arm wrapped around Kara’s waist as she pressed her body tight against Kara’s to ground her.  
“Kara, it’s okay. It’s okay now. Let him go,” Lena’s voice exposed a panic she would rather hide from both of them.  
She rested her forehead against the back of Kara’s neck, “It’s okay, Kara. Nothing happened. I’m glad you’re here,” she tried to convince her to let him go.

Slowly Kara released the pressure against William’s chest that pinned him to the wall.  
“Geez, you’re strong,” He noted with a painful groan.  
“Consider yourself lucky!” Kara kept her eyes fixated on him.  
She backed away with Lena pressed against her back.

“Leave William,” Lena instructed him politely.  
She could not look at him.  
Lena felt safe hidden behind Kara and staring blanc at the ground.  
He protested, “I’m just here to talk, Lena. I have been thinking and I think we should give it another try,” he directed all his words towards Lena, ignoring Kara completely.  
Lena intertwined her fingers with Kara’s, “Leave,” she insisted.  
“Lena, I am your husband. Give me another chance. We can be fixed,” he begged.  
Her eyes shot up to lock with his, “Not us, William. There is no us anymore. You should get yourself fixed! Tomorrow I will move out, you are welcome in this house nothing sooner than Sunday. Now, leave!” she snarled at him over Kara’s shoulder, who kept her body positioned protectively between them.

He finally took a step towards the door, but he hesitated, “We must talk, Lena. You at least owe me that.”  
“She does not owe you anything! I suggest you leave, because the next time I get my hands on you, she won’t be able to stop me!” Kara spits at him while puffing herself up.

She might be a lot shorter than William, but even if she was human, any man would have run from Kara Danvers and her threatening energy.

The message was clear.  
He did not hesitate anymore.  
He left in a haste.

As soon as he closed the door behind him, Kara turned around to shield Lena in her arms.  
Lena was trembling from all the adrenaline.  
“Oh my Rao, are you okay? I heard you scream. Did he hurt you?” Kara caressed Lena’s hair.  
“You were fast, Kara…” was all she could let out at the moment.  
She let herself sink into her protector, bummed out she couldn’t keep herself safe.  
Lena simply wasn’t strong enough to match his physical strength.  
“I’m glad you came as soon as you did,” she thanked Kara.

Kara tapped Lena on her upper arms.  
“There is something I have to do… I’ll be right back!”  
With that she was off, leaving Lena alone in the hallway.

She hoped Kara wouldn’t do anything stupid.  
She wouldn’t be able to stop her.

After Lena put on some clothes, she strolled into the living room.  
Shivering from all the excitement she sat down on the ground with her back against her kitchen counter.  
Somehow the floor felt more comforting.

It didn’t take Kara long to get back, locking the door behind her.  
She held up a house key, “He won’t be bothering you unannounced,” she smirked.  
Lena hadn’t thought of his ability to enter the house with his key yet, but she was glad Kara did.  
A weak smile thanked Kara for her actions.

Kara sat down beside her on the floor.  
“You screamed,” she noted with a shy smile.  
Lena could feel her face heat up, “I… I wasn’t strong enough. I hoped you would hear me.”  
Kara kissed her temple, “I’m glad you did.”

They sat quietly next to each other for a while.  
Partly because Lena didn’t know what to say and Kara didn’t speak either.  
But also because it calmed her energy down after the combustion earlier.  
Her therapy with Kelly had been exhausting.  
After that, she got ambushed in her sleep.  
Just sitting quietly with Kara by her side was all she needed.

Lena’s hand seemed to have a mind of her own.  
She was searching the surface until she found Kara’s.  
The slight touch of their fingertips was enough for Kara to take initiative.  
They held hands and that was enough.  
Enough to feel connected.  
Enough to feel supported.  
Enough to feel at ease.

Lena took a deep breath and released it slowly.  
Kara squeezed her hand softly.  
The gesture made Lena turn her head to face the blonde.  
“Are you okay?” Kara asked.  
Lena smiled weakly, “I will be… Thank you.”  
She dropped her gaze after that.

Lena was surprised to feel Kara’s head resting on her shoulder.  
“Are you okay?” she asked.  
Kara shrug, “I will be.”  
She realized how this situation was not only affecting her but Kara also.  
Lena kissed Kara’s head before resting her own against the blonde.

“You stopped me,” Kara’s voice trembled.  
“I was ready to punch a hole in his face,” she admitted with shame.  
“Even though I want to get rid of him rather sooner than later… I’m glad you didn’t,” Lena responded.  
Kara lifted her head to look at Lena with a curious look on her face.

“You are better than that. He is not important enough to cross that line for,” Lena explained her point of view.  
The Kryptonian knitted her brows, “But you are.”  
Kara could be so sweet and charming, if it was physically possible, she could make Lena’s heart melt.  
“Yes, I am. Now focus on me!” Lena chuckled.  
She wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and pulled her closer.  
The joke made Kara giggle softly.  
She leaned into Lena’s embrace.

“Lee, you didn’t answer me before… Did he hurt you?” Kara asked again.  
Apparently, this was important to her.  
Lena glanced over Kara’s shoulder at her reddened wrists and sighed, “Not really… My wrists a little…”  
“He was pushed up against you… How… I mean… Were you scared?”  
Kara held her tenderly around her waist and caressed her side.

There was no getting used to being vulnerable and talking openly about feelings.  
Lena wondered if there will ever be a time when she doesn’t feel weak talking about her shortcomings.  
She kept in mind what Kelly had told her: Talking makes it lighter.

She nodded, “But a part of me knew you were going to be there soon.”  
Kara nuzzled her head in the crook of Lena’s neck, “Did you know he was coming?”  
“No, of course not. If I knew there was just a tiny possibility of him coming back early… Do you really think I would have slept so peacefully?”  
Kara shook her head.  
“So, you… you didn’t let him in?” she asked.  
Lena’s head shot up, “God no! I was expecting you. Did you really think that, Kara?”  
The thought of Kara even considering the possibility made her loosen her embrace around her neck.  
She felt not only insulted but also attacked by Kara’s assumptions.  
“I would have understood if you did.”  
“So you did think I could do that?” angrily Lena pulled away from Kara.  
“I was just wondering…”  
“Fuck you, Kara!” she yelled.  
She turned her back on the blonde.

Nothing but silence remained.  
Nothing until Kara got up and walked away.  
The sound of her footsteps leaving her made Lena realize this was the agitation Kelly was talking about.  
Getting mad at the wrong person.

Lena gasped.  
She turned around to make her gaze follow Kara, “O my God, Kara. I am so sorry! I am not mad at you, I’m sorry! This is… Oh God,” Lena started crying in panic.  
Overwhelmed by how easily she lost control over her temper.  
“Th-this is me getting mad at the wrong person… Kelly warned me about that… I… had… therapy… today…” she sobbed.  
Lena hid her head between her knees, crying uncontrollably.

Two caring arms wrapped around her.  
“It’s okay, Lena.”  
With her trembling voice, Kara sounded tearful herself.  
“I mean… Not okay… But I don’t blame you,” her voice quivered.

It took a few minutes for Lena to calm down in Kara’s arms.  
She dried her tears, “You don’t deserve this, Kara. Kelly told me this would probably happen, so I might be lashing out a lot more for no reasonable reason at all.”  
Lena cursed herself for being this uncontrollable.  
The prospect of this happening more often terrified her.

Kara stroke a pluck of hair behind Lena’s ear.  
“You went to therapy?” Kara asked endeared.  
Lena nodded in response, still looking straight ahead and feeling like shit.  
“Lena, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!”  
Kara kissed her temple long and soft.

Lena was surprised Kara didn’t seem to think she was weak.  
Weak for going to therapy.  
Weak for lashing out at her.

“You are?”  
A smile warmer than the sun on a hot summer day convinced Lena that Kara was indeed proud.  
“I didn’t know you started therapy. How did it go?” Kara asked interested with a loving twinkle in her eyes.  
Kara’s happiness made Lena’s stomach flutter.  
She thought of the best words to describe her session with Kelly.  
She dropped her head back and groaned, “It was tough!”

Lena gave Kara a short impression of what she had experienced during her session.

“What are you smiling about?” she bit towards Kara.  
Kara responded with a chuckle, “I am amazed by you.”  
“What? Why?” Lena didn’t get why anyone would be amazed by her going to therapy and having a shitty time.  
Kara rolled her eyes up, “Well… It sounds really hard. But you are doing it anyway… I might be Supergirl and the strongest being on Earth and stuff… But what you are doing is very tough and you need a lot of strength to face yourself,” she complimented Lena with a proud smile.

The pride Kara radiated infected Lena.  
Maybe she could feel a little pride in her accomplishment of making it through her first session.  
She smiled bashfully.

“I… eh… Thank you,” Lena had to tell Kara about her decision.  
She didn’t want Kara to feel like she preferred living anywhere but with her.  
But she had to rip the bandage off.

“At the end of therapy… Kelly asked me to stay with her and Alex… and I said yes,” she informed Kara.  
Kara’s face was twisted, “O… oh… Yeah, that’s… Yeah, Alex, Kelly and I talked about it. Alex thought it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to let you move in now.”  
Lena took Kara’s hand, “I think she’s not wrong about that.”  
“But… I want to take care of you Lena, I know I can. You know I can,” Kara raised her eyebrows.  
She looked rejected, even though that wasn’t the case.  
Her words were the confirmation to Lena that she made the right decision.  
“I know you can, that is not the issue.”  
“Then what is?” Kara had that puppy look that made Lena want to cuddle her and give her everything she asked for.

She cupped Kara’s face, “Did you hear yourself? You want to take care of me!” Lena pointed out.  
The message seemed to get lost on Kara, “Of course I do.”  
Lena shook her head, “That is why I can’t stay with you, Kara.”  
She couldn’t imagine Kara looking more confused than she did right now.  
“I want you as my girlfriend, not as my caretaker!” she explained.  
Tears formed in Kara’s eyes.  
The waterworks worried Lena, she didn’t mean to upset Kara.

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” Kara asked with tearful eyes and a bright smile.  
Lena chuckled timid, “Yes, Kara… I do want you to be my girlfriend.”  
Soft lips crashed into Lena’s evolving into a sweet and tender kiss.

“I want to be your girlfriend,” Kara spoke against Lena’s lips.  
Lena smiled, “Let me get my divorce first and I’m all yours.”  
She wrapped her arms around Kara and held her as close as possible.  
Kara’s arms rested gently on her back and held her with all the love a hug could provide.

“I don’t want our relationship to start with me moving in with you while I’m at a bad place. I’m sure you can take it. But I’m not sure if I can,” Lena admitted.  
“Besides… I want us to have a first date… and a second… and a third… I want us to be nervous to see each other. I want to make myself pretty for you. I want to have fun dates with you. I want to have dates with way too high expectation, failing miserably. I want to be longing to see you again…” Lena was swooning over the idea of starting to date her Kara Danvers.  
Her daydreaming was interrupted by a laughing sound from the woman who was still sharing a sloppy hug with her.  
“Okay, you convinced me!” she laughed, “That actually sounds pretty amazing.”

“It would mean a lot to me if you would help me move tomorrow,” Lena said.  
Kara answered with a nod, “I’d be happy too.”

\-------------------------------------

Kara stayed that afternoon, but the vibe between them felt off for some reason.  
Something unspoken seemed to be lingering between them.  
Lena couldn’t put her finger on it.

Was it the staying with Alex and Kelly part?  
Kara seemed convinced it was better for both of them if Lena stayed with Alex and Kelly.  
Was it because she found William pressed against her?  
It must have been clear that wasn’t Lena’s choice.  
Or maybe it was just her and her stupid, fucked up brain.  
She wasn’t feeling like herself.  
Maybe she was just not at ease with herself.

When Lena got back from the bathroom, she found Kara staring into the distance on her balcony.  
Kara seemed to be lost in thoughts.  
Lena joined her at the balcony.  
“What’s on your mind?” she asked breaking the silence that was haunting them for most of the day.  
Kara dropped her head and sighed, “You know… at the DEO I used to have a training room where I could punch a car to pieces.”  
“Well, that sounds lovely,” Lena scoffed with a smirk.  
Lena figured Kara probably meant she needed to punch something.

She seemed so in control, sweet, and soft.  
But Lena knew how much rage she could oppress.  
“You know you can use the lab we cleared for training for that as well…” she offered.  
The blonde smiled softly, “Thanks, but I’m not leaving you alone right now.”

Lena swallowed.  
Kara’s offer was very tempting… but if Lena listened to her instincts, she preferred to be alone the rest of the day.  
The idea of her being alone sounded nice.  
All the impressions her mind had to process required peace and quiet.  
Curling up at her couch, the floor or in her bed, being alone with her thoughts, was wat Lena desired most right now.  
No sounds around her.  
No lights.  
Just a small world.

“I will be fine,” she convinced Kara, “I will text you when I need you. If not, I will see you tomorrow.”  
“You sure?” Kara knitted her brows.  
Lena nodded with a kind smile, “Yes, go find an abandoned car.”  
Kara cupped Lena’s face and kissed her lips, “I will be early tomorrow. Don’t start packing without me, I’m pretty fast.”  
That sounded like a very good idea to Lena, “Okay, I won’t start,” she promised with a smile.  
“Good!” Kara took a step backward and ripped her glasses off, making her Supergirl suit fold itself around her skin in front of Lena.  
She giggled flustered, “I don’t think I will ever get tired of seeing you do that.”  
Kara smiled back at her, “You look tired, Lee. Get some rest and let me know if you need me.”  
“I will.”  
“Really just call me or text me or-”  
“Yes, Kara… Now go hit some scrap metal!”  
Kara kissed Lena’s cheek one last time before flying off.

Lena was so overstimulated that she spent the rest of the day in the guest room with the curtains closed.  
The guestroom was one of the smallest rooms in the house.  
The sounds of the city were the least present in here.  
And… her own bedroom didn’t feel comfortable anymore.  
After today, she couldn’t wait to move out.  
Out of this brick prison that tied her to William.

Moving in with Alex and Kelly felt surreal.  
Why would they want Lena in their home?  
Kelly insisted, so they must have given it a good thought.  
Lena didn’t know what to expect from living with the couple.  
Would she have to adjust a lot to them?  
Do they have house rules?  
But this are Alex and Kelly she is thinking about…  
Alex was the first person she called when she was on her way back to National City.  
The first person who knew her marriage had failed.  
It wasn’t just because Alex was on the top of her call-list because her name started with an A.  
She trusted Alex.  
Kelly was the first person she let in on her deepest secrets.  
She had never given anyone details about what it was like to grow up in the Luthor Mansion.  
Kelly is the only person that knows about the safe place she created in her head.

Her therapy session had made her so sad and mad at the same time.  
She could even admit she felt sorry for herself.  
Yet, it was interesting to learn more about how her mind worked.  
How she reacted to the smallest details.  
Like how threatening a flex of his muscle was for her.  
She had prepared for the absolute worst when his arm twitched.  
It saddened her to realize she hadn’t become this way by just one bad moment with William.  
This was a box filled with a childhood of bad memories, ripped open by him.  
She had managed.  
She had found her way to function in life.  
Her box worked.  
Until it didn’t.  
Her boxing system was a fragile system.  
Kelly was going to help her unbox and clean her mind.  
That idea was soothing, but also terrifying as hell.

That bastard had the nerf to get in the bed with her while she was asleep.  
He could have woken her up.  
He could have knocked.  
He could have called before coming back early.  
She was still half asleep.  
She had a hard time waking up.  
If she didn’t turn around…  
If she had eased into his touch thinking it was Kara…  
If she had drifted off again…  
He could have…

Lena shook her head, not wanting to go that way.  
It didn’t happen, so she should not think about all the what-ifs.

Kara was there.  
Kara to the rescue.  
Kara, the softy of steel.  
Kara, her Funshine.  
Kara, who was struggling.  
Kara, who was hurting.  
Kara, who was close to losing herself...

\---------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When we humans are mentally not in a good place, our personalities might change.  
> In Lena's case, the trauma caused her mood to change and her temper to be short.  
> It is not who she is from now on, it is how she copes.  
> Her mind is overstimulated and is in need of healing.  
> Most of these personality changes are temporary.  
> When your mental health is healing, your temper will restore to close to what it used to be and your mood will improve.  
> Some changes in personality might be permanent.  
> It's called: Character development.  
> We learn!  
> Life is a journey.  
> In the end, your hard times are the most rewarding.  
> You have walked a rocky road.  
> The road itself might never be nice to think back of, but you have made it through.  
> You are stronger than you will probably ever give yourself credit for.  
> -X-


	10. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena moves into the Olsen-Danvers residence.  
> It takes some getting used to the new situation.  
> With Lena struggling with her own temper and still trying to do her job.  
> Kelly and Alex taking in a Luthor and finding their new roles in the shift of dynamic.  
> And Kara feeling the need to keep Lena safe at all times.

Nightmares haunted Lena that night.  
Violent and lonely.  
Helpless and scared.  
Those feelings infected her dreams and poisoned her morning.

The downside of the guestroom was it was positioned on the east side of the building.  
As soon as the sun was rising, this room would be the first to light up.  
Even the curtains couldn’t capture the dark.

Lena groaned from exhaustion.  
She felt sick to her stomach.  
Her nausea took over control and forced her out of bed.  
She made it just in time to hurl over the toilet.

The distasteful start of the morning called for some clenching in the shower.  
Maybe the nausea was also a side effect to her therapy session, just like the nightmares and her being a bitch are.

She got herself dressed and prepared for Kara’s arrival.  
Before she had the chance to tie her hair together a trip to the toilet claimed her attention again.  
Maybe these were just her nerves for moving to the Olsen-Danvers house.

Between her hurls, she texted Kara to just come in if she couldn’t make it to the door because she didn’t feel well.  
Knowing Kara, she would be with her soon.

Like expected, Kara arrived not long after her message.  
“Lena?” she called out.  
“Over herruuurhl!” Lena wasn’t able to finish her second word.

One hand caressed her back, while the other held her hair.  
“My poor baby.”  
Kara pecked Lena’s sweaty temple. 

“Don’t kiss me, I’m gross,” Lena protested.

When Lena was convinced her stomach couldn’t lose any more fluids, she rested her head on the arm spread over the toilet seat.  
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the smiling blonde who made her heart flutter.  
“Good morning, Funshine!” she smiled weakly.  
Kara chuckled, “Good morning, Rainbow bear. Take your time, I’m going to start packing.”  
She stood up and left Lena’s orbit.  
Lena groaned, “It’s Cheer Bear!”

\---------------------------------

Kara had ordered Lena to just sit down and take care of herself during the move.  
The only thing she was allowed to do was order Kara around.  
Lena decided to stroll through the house, looking for things of emotional value.  
She could conclude there was not much she was attached to apart form things she had gotten from friends and the Acrata book from her mother.  
The Acrata medallion Andrea had given back to her as a wedding gift, was the first thing she handed to Kara to pack.  
Andrea handed it to her so a little of Lena’s birthmother was with her on her wedding day.  
Even though the fact that Andrea had the medallion in the first place infuriated Lena, the reason she gave it back had touched her.

The doorbell rang.  
“I’ve got it!” Kara called out from Lena’s bedroom.

“Good morning. Alex will be up in a few, she is finding a spot for the truck in the parking garage,” Kelly excuses Alex's absence.  
Lena nodded.  
She didn’t feel as sick as when she woke up, but she was far from feeling good.

“How are you feeling?” Kelly sat down next to her on the couch.  
“Good! I’m having nightmares, I’m being a bitch to Kara and this morning I puked my intestines out,” she answered sarcastically.  
“Is nausea also a side effect of the therapy?” Lena asked.  
Kelly frowned her brows, “It could be. I’ve had a patient who complained about feeling the pain of being bitten again. That was a trauma we were working on that happened a half-year earlier. Every person reacts differently, so it is possible.”  
It was comforting to Lena this was part of her process.

“Kelly… I’m not fun to live with at the moment,” Lena felt the need to warn her.  
“You can still back out, I will find something…” she gave Kelly the chance to change her mind.  
Instead, Kelly smiled and caressed Lena’s back, “Don’t worry about that, we are not expecting you to be fun. We know what you’ve been through and you are more than welcome.”

“Jesus, Luthor… I never could have imagined you paler than you already were, but here you are!” Alex had found her way into the living room.  
“Well, good morning, Grumpy Bear,” Lena teased Alex back with a wide smile.  
Kara’s head popped around the corner, “Who?”  
“Cloudy Bear,” she explained trying to level Kara’s Care Bear knowledge.  
“Oh… Do you mean the blue one with the cloud and the rain and heart dripping out of them? Don’t be silly… that’s Rainy Bear.”  
“Yes, Grumpy Bear!” Lena clarified with a flustered smile, not able to keep her eyes away from Kara.  
She adored their inside Care Bear joke.  
Alex looked back and forth between Kara and Lena, “Please stop! The two of you are so awfully sweet I fear my tooth enamel will crack by just listening to you two interact.”  
“Is she always this fun in the morning?” Lena asked Kelly ignoring Alex’s comment but knowing very well she would hear her.  
“No… You are special to her,” Kelly deadpanned. 

Alex clapped her hands together bringing all the attention to her, “Okay, everyone: grab a box, and let’s start packing that truck.”

To Lena’s surprise, Kara didn’t carry a box.  
“Are you kidding me?” she asked in surprise.

Kara didn’t pack Lena’s clothes into boxes, instead, she sealed the closet and carried the furniture on her back.  
“I was afraid I would fold your clothing wrong, they looked expensive.”  
“What if the neighbors will see you carrying a big ass closet like that?”  
“I will tell them it’s empty and not that heavy.”  
“It’s hardwood!”  
Kara seemed to think for a moment.  
She twirled the closet like it was just a bamboo branch and offered Lena an end.  
“Here, you can hold the top. I like carrying the bottom,” she joked.  
“GET A ROOM!” Alex shouted from outside the apartment.  
Lena could feel her face heat up.  
The silly joke made her laugh.

Kara was carrying all the weight, but she made it look like they did it together, Lena just had to touch it.  
When they put the piece of furniture down in the elevator, Lena complimented Kara, “That’s impressive.”  
“Please, I’m Supergirl,” Kara seemed to take pride in showing off her strength, “Have you ever heard the story about how Superman took over for Atlas in carrying the weight of the world for one day? Kal told me I’m stronger than him, so I can literally carry the world.”  
Lena lifted an eyebrow, “Atlas?” she skeptically questioned, challenging the cocky grin on Kara’s face.  
“He told me himself,” Kara nodded.  
Alex put her hands on her hips, “He also tells people he took care of you, all he did was drop you with our parents.”  
She didn’t seem too fond of the other Kryptonian.  
“Hey!” Kara reacted offended.  
“Low blow, sweety,” Kelly nudged Alex.  
Lena bumped her shoulder into Kara, “You sure are strong, Kara. But Atlas? … Come on! Stories like that only happen in comic books.” 

The elevator doors opened in the parking garage.  
Alex had been able to park the truck close by, so they didn’t have to cross the whole garage.  
Lena scoffed when she saw the vehicle, “You rented a U-Haul?”  
The elder Danvers shrug, “You are moving in with two lesbians, better do it in style!”

After loading the truck Lena got in her car with Kara, while Alex drove the truck with Kelly next to her.  
It gave them some time together, even if it was just for a short while.  
The silence between them was awkward.  
Lena couldn’t help but wonder if she did or said something wrong.  
But she did want to let Kara know how happy she was with the blonde in her life.  
“I can’t thank you enough for what you are doing for me, Kara. I mean… You’re really special.”  
Kara kept her eyes on the road, but placed her hand on Lena’s knee and smiled shyly, “I think you are very special as well.”  
After everything, Lena was still amazed about how easily Kara could calm her down.  
“How did it go yesterday?” Lena asked interested.  
“Yesterday?”  
“With the car punching, I mean… Do you feel better now?” Lena caressed Kara’s hand on her knee.  
“The car punching? … Oh… yes, it did. I let off some steam, it’s okay now,” Kara seemed absent.  
Lena knitted her brows, “Are you sure?”  
Kara nodded, “Yeah… I’m glad you’re moving out today. And I’m glad you are going to live with Alex and Kelly. You will be in good hands.”  
Lena pressed her lips together, not sure what to say she squeezed Kara’s hand.  
“I’m just…” Kara sighed, “Can you promise me to not forget about me?” she asked with an unsure quiver in her voice.  
Lena was surprised by the question, “Is that what’s bothering you?” she asked without answering the question.  
“That and the fact that… that… flipping husband of yours had the guts to bother you again after he had already treated you… bad. He never should have touched you in the first place!” Kara nearly growled.  
Lena tensed up at Kara’s rising anger.  
She released Kara’s hand and fidgeted nervously with her own fingers.  
There were no right words to react to Kara.  
Lena loved her, but she can’t have her angry energy right now.  
She bit her lip and focused her gaze out the window, hoping this drive would be over soon.

Kara seemed to notice how uneasy Lena had become.  
She caressed Lena’s shoulder, “Lee, I’m sorry… Hey… I didn’t mean to upset you.”  
The air in the car was suffocating her.  
“T… that’s okay, Kara.”

Lena hated herself for the way her body seemed to respond to Kara’s anger.  
She would pick jumping out of her car over staying with angry Kara for a second longer.  
Common sense stopped her from taking irrational actions.  
She had learned at her session with Kelly how extreme she reacted to anger at the moment.  
She knew where it was coming from.  
And she couldn’t help it.  
It would be better in time.  
But for now… she couldn’t handle it.

Their destination came not a moment too soon.  
She rushed out of the car like it was on fire.  
Standing outside gave her the feeling she could finally breathe again.  
With her back against the car, she took a deep breath.  
Kara was already standing next to her, “Are you okay?” she asked insecurely.  
Kelly and Alex came rushing over.  
Strengthened by Kelly’s presence, Lena explained short, “I don’t handle other people's anger very well at the moment, that’s all.”  
She smiled shyly at how stupid it sounded.  
“It will get better,” she convinced Kara with a crooked smile, making Kara smile back with worry in her eyes.  
“Yes, it will!” Kelly ensured them both with a wink aimed for Lena, placing a hand between her shoulder blades, “Why don’t I show you your room and we let the Danvers sisters unload?!” she propositioned.  
Lena looked over at Kara to see if she was okay with that idea.  
Without words, they had their conversation.  
Kara’s nod was the answer to Lena’s unspoken question.  
Kelly ushered Lena into the building.

Walking down the hallway Kelly complimented Lena with a proud smile, “You told her what triggers you. I’m impressed.”  
Lena could feel the corners of her mouth quirk upwards into a shy smile.  
“I had to…” Lena became more comfortable with talking to Kelly, words spill out easy with her.  
“Kara wasn’t angry with me, she was angry for me… but still…” Lena shook her head, “I felt trapped in that small space of the car.”  
Kelly nodded, “That sounds reasonable.”  
She unlocked the front door, “I’m glad you told her. It keeps your communication open. You did great, Lena.”  
Lena could feel herself grown an inch, even though receiving compliments isn’t one of her many skills.  
“You are not going to compliment everything I say and do, are you?” she raised an eyebrow.  
Kelly held the door for her to enter, “You sound like Alex! Well, get used to it… I give a lot of compliments. I like giving them and I’m not going to stop because you feel uncomfortable.”  
Lena had to admit it was a nice character trait to be able to hand out compliments like cookies.

Kelly showed Lena around in the house.  
There was one bathroom to share, but Kelly and Alex had already cleared out a cabin for Lena to use.  
Small gestures like that made Lena feel welcome.

Alex and Kara came in with the first boxes of necessities.  
Because there was not much space for all her stuff, Lena had to make a selection.  
Practical stuff she needed would be brought into the Olsen-Danvers household while her other belongings would be brought to storage. 

Kelly opened the door for them to a room she did not show Lena yet.  
“And this is going to be your room,” she announced.

The room was a lot bigger than Lena expected.  
The lighting in the room was nice and the view over the city was breath-taking.  
She could watch the park from here.  
Lena knew immediately this was where her desk had to be, next to the window, so she could feel the sun on her face and watch the park by only looking to her right.  
Kelly and Alex had provided the room with a single bed.  
It was a lot smaller than she was used to, but it was big enough to sleep alone.  
The room overall had a nice vibe to it.

While Lena was taking in every inch of her new residence, Kara broke the silence, “But… this was supposed to be the room for your kid.”  
Lena’s head jerked up.  
She would never want to take the place meant for their child.

“Yeah… about that…” Alex started.  
Lena took her standing next to Kara, while Kelly took hold of Alex’s arm.  
The couple exchanged loving looks, making Lena want to nuzzle against Kara.  
She settled for holding her hand, which was squeezed by the blonde in appreciation of their connection.  
“Kelly and I talked about having children and we decided we wanted to adopt as a couple instead of just me,” Alex started to explain.  
“Shouldn’t you be legal partners to do so?” Kara questioned.  
Alex her smile widened, “Well…”  
Kelly pushed her hand forward in excitement showing off her ring, “We are getting married!” she squealed.  
Kara released Lena’s hand and started screaming and jumping before she wrapped her arms around her sister, “I’m so happy for you!”  
Lena was overwhelmed by all the emotions in the room, but she couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around Kelly to congratulate her.

“Adopting as partners would give us a better chance to be picked as parents. Besides, Kelly would legally be the mom as well,” Alex explained.  
Lena couldn’t remember if she ever saw Alex more passionate and happier than she did now.  
“This room would be empty for at least six more months, that would provide you with more than enough time to get back on your feet,” Kelly said to Lena.  
“And it gives us someone to take care of until we’ve got our own baby,” Alex joked.  
Lena’s jaw dropped, she missed her usual wittiness, “I’m not a baby,” she stammered softly.  
“But you are awfully cute,” Kara kissed her cheek.  
Two loving blue eyes looked into hers.  
Lena leaned into Kara, disappearing in her embrace.

“Why don’t we get some more boxes out of the truck, Kara can help the next round,” she heard Kelly say.

They left Kara and Lena alone in the room.  
Even if it would be just for a few minutes, Lena was thankful to have Kara to herself.  
They didn’t leave the car with a good vibe.  
Lena nuzzled her face against the crook of Kara’s neck.  
“I’m sorry I reacted so strongly back in the car… I didn’t want to… It just happened,” Lena’s words were muffled against Kara’s skin.  
Luckily the blonde was equipped with an excellent hearing.  
Kara wrapped her arms tighter around Lena, burying her fingers in dark hair, “Don’t be sorry. I’ll be better,” she assured Lena.  
The corners of Lena’s mouth curled upwards.  
She might have been taken aback by Kara in the car, but that reassuring, soothing sound of her voice gave her nothing but love.  
A fluttering feeling overtook Lena’s belly.  
She hummed in appreciation.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Alex place some boxes at the entrance.  
“Kelly and I are going to get us lunch. Do you think you can unload that closet before we get back, so we can take everything else to the storage unit?” Alex interrupted them.  
Kara chuckled, “I’ll be down and up in a second, Alex. You know that.”  
“Good. And behave while we are gone, this is the baby-room!” Alex warned them.

After Alex left, Kara scoffed.  
“The baby-room… We could make a baby in this room…” she whispered.  
Lena was surprised by the implication her sweet and innocent Kara made.  
She pulled her head back to take a good look at that almost childishly, pure woman.  
Apparently, Kara was just as surprised by her own naughty words.  
With a face red as a lobster, Kara couldn’t find a comfortable place to point her gaze.

Lena chuckled, “You are just too cute.”  
“Too cute? I just tried to talk dirty…” Kara defended herself.  
“Oh please. You are as dirty as a sneezing panda cub is scary…”  
The confusion was written all over Kara’s face.  
“It makes a surprisingly scary sound, but it’s still cute,” Lena smirked.  
“Are you calling me a panda cub?” Kara raised her eyebrows.  
“I’m calling you cute.”  
Laughter escaped both of them.  
“Would you still call me cute when I do this?”  
Kara placed a kiss just behind Lena’s ear.  
“Adorable,” she giggled.  
“How about now?”  
A kiss in her neck.  
“So sweet.”  
Lips on her collarbone.  
“Cute like a puppy,” Lena laughed.  
“You know what else puppy’s do?”  
Kara nipped the skin on Lena’s neck gently with her teeth, sending a tingling sensation through her body.  
“Karaaaa! Your sister and soon to be sister in law can come back any moment now,” Lena squealed.  
This didn’t hold the blonde back.  
She traced her tongue upwards till she found Lena’s jaw.  
“Am I still cute?” Kara asked daringly before she sucked a little mark in her neck.  
“Like a Care Bear,” Lena moaned.  
“Oh, now you have it!”  
Kara crashed her lips into Lena’s while hands moved down her torso, resting on Lena’s hips.  
The kiss made Lena’s head lighter and her body hot.

“Dear God, we came home too soon!” Alex screamed in terror from the hallway through the open door.  
“Relax, I think we came just in time,” Kelly soothed Alex, “we will unpack lunch in the living room. You can join after you brought the closet upstairs.” Kelly took Alex by the hand and guided her away as if they had just interrupted them playing Jenga.

They had parted just a little.  
Kara turned red like a tomato and Lena was panting with a naughty grin on her face.  
A peck to the lips ended their heated interaction.

Lena got in the living room for their lunch while Kara rushed down and up the stairs with a big closet on her back.  
“That’s my little sister, Luthor!” Alex pointed out.  
“I’m aware,” Lena grinned.  
“You are not even one hour in my house and already you are checking her tonsils,” the elder Danvers said dryly.  
“I didn’t touch your sister,” Lena quirked her eyebrow and smirked daring.  
Alex blinked her eyes twice at Lena with a stoic expression.  
“Gross!”

Kara joined the three of them at the dining table.  
“Still got your tonsils in place?” Alex teased her sister.  
“Don’t be silly, Alex. I’m Supergirl. No matter how deep Lena’s tongue is in my throat, I will always keep my tonsils!” Kara stole the first potsticker from Alex and chewed with a proud smile.  
Lena’s gasped.  
This time she was truly impressed by how Kara was anything but cute with those words.  
Kelly muffled her giggles.  
“You did this. You turned my sister into a perv!” Alex pointed at Lena.  
A hand pushed Alex’s down, “Okay, calm down, cowboy,” Kelly intervened.  
She turned her attention to Lena, “Don’t worry, sweety. Alex totally ruined Kara with years of provoking and teasing. Kara learned from the master herself.”  
Alex seemed to be pleased with the title Kelly praised her with.

Lena had the feeling she could to get used to this kind of joking around.

They started eating and having small talk.  
After a few light topics, Lena could feel her mind shutting down.  
The morning just ended and it had already been a day full of emotions and impressions.  
She didn’t engage in any of the conversations.

Her focus was on the food, the talking turned into background noise.  
“But now I want to know…” Kara’s voice sounded far away, “how was the proposal?”  
“Well… I wanted so surprise Kelly with something special…”  
Lena knew they were talking.  
She even saw their lips move.  
Maybe she even heard the words.  
But somehow, they did not register.  
Even her vision became less focussed.  
In a clear moment, she remembered to chew the food that was already in her mouth.  
After one movement of her jaw, she forgot chewing again.

“Lena? Lena, honey!”  
Kelly’s words came through vaguely.  
Lena looked at her but didn’t really see her.  
“Swallow your food, sweetie,” with Kelly’s guidance she was able to get rid of the big lump in her throat.  
She pinched the bridge of her nose, hoping it would help her focus her attention, “I’m okay, I’m sorry. You were talking about the proposal…” Lena noted.  
Six worried eyes were fixated on her.  
“About 20 minutes ago, we were…” Alex clarified.  
Kelly gave Lena a comforting smile, “I think you have sensory overload, Lena. You should lay down.”  
Lena knitted her brows, “No, we are having lunch. It’s rude to leave in the middle… of…” she noticed how all the food was already gone except for her own plate.  
“Oh… yeah…” she dropped her head in defeat, “maybe I should go.”

Lena stood up.  
Dizziness overwhelmed her.  
Before she could lose her balance, Kara was already by her side to steady her.  
“I’ve got you,” Kara supported her in her walk to the bedroom.  
Lena took her shoes off and laid down.  
Her body wasn’t tired, but her mind was exhausted.  
She was emotionally drained.  
Kara tucked her in.  
With a weak smile, Lena told her, “Thank you for being you.”  
“Get some rest, Rainbow Bear. I’ll be here all day if you need me,” Kara stroke a lock of hair out of her face.  
She pecked her lips and shut out as much light from the room as possible.  
“It’s Cheer Bear,” Lena mumbled.

What the hell just happened to her?

Lena dozed off a couple of times.  
Calling it sleeping was overrated.  
She spends most of the time staring at the ceiling or the wall.  
The sounds in the background didn’t quite reach her.  
Unable to think about anything, she concluded her mind was empty.  
Her emotions were drained.  
She did not fear.  
She did not feel happiness.  
She did not feel anger.  
Tears did flow down her face like they needed to be spilled even though there was no clear reason.  
She wasn’t even sad.  
She was just… empty.

A knock on the bedroom door was followed by the squeaking sound of the hinges and a modest beam of light broken by the silhouette of a woman.  
“Hey, Lena… Are you awake?” Alex whispered.  
Lena moved her face to the direction of the sound, “I’m awake,” her voice was weak and raspy.  
“Can I come in?” Alex opened the door wider, making the light coming from the hallway hit Lena’s face.  
A nod and a shift in the bed to make room for Alex to sit with her was the best answer she could give.

Alex sat down next to her with an empathic smile, “Hey… How are you feeling now?” she asked softly.  
Lena shrug, “I don’t know actually… Does that sound weird?”  
“It does,” Alex smirked, “but given the circumstances… It’s not weird.”  
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to the story of your proposal,” Lena sighed.  
“Don’t worry about it. Kelly loves to talk about it. I’m sure she won’t mind telling you again.”  
Lena pushed herself up, so she didn’t feel like a little child being cared for by a mother figure anymore.  
“Kelly made us dinner. Do you want to join us, shall I bring you a plate or do you want me to save some for you?” Alex offered.  
This much kindness was unfamiliar to the young Luthor.  
Kelly had already called her family, but Lena still felt more like a guest.  
In the position of a guest, eating a meal offered by the host in her bedroom would be plain rude.  
“Give me a minute to get ready,” she answered. 

Because Kara was taking care of a Supergirl emergency, they ate with just the three of them.  
The quality of the meal exposed Kelly to be an amazing cook, if she wasn’t such a brilliant psychologist, she should have considered making a living out of the magic she performs in the kitchen.  
After helping to clean off the table, Lena excused herself to unpack some boxes in her room.  
Alex had offered her help, but she’d prefer to be alone for a while.  
Her host had smiled and provided her with all the space she needed.  
It didn’t take long before Lena’s last bits of energy had disappeared like snow to the sun.  
At 8 PM she thanked Kelly and Alex for all their care and kindness today and went back to her room.

She was closing the door to a chapter of her life.  
Living with William belonged to the past.  
It was as exhausting as it was liberating.  
One day, she would find a way to thank Alex and Kelly for taking her away from him.  
Today was not that day.  
The only task left for today was sleep.

\--------------------------------------------------- 

In the middle of the night, Lena woke up from a nightmare.  
William was everywhere and for a moment she even feared he was in her bedroom when she opened her eyes.  
His absence calmed her down.  
Her throat was dry from the heavy breathing.  
Normally she would keep water close to her bed, but this time she was so exhausted she forgot to take some with her.

On her way to the kitchen, she found a sleeping Kara on the couch.  
The sweetheart went back to Alex and Kelly after her Supergirl duties and stayed to be close to Lena.  
Butterflies danced in her stomach as she watched the city’s biggest hero, still dressed in her suit, sleep on her sister's couch just for her.  
It was an endearing image worth taking a mental picture.  
Kara was able to show Lena how much she cared for her in her sleep.  
Lena wanted her close.  
She wanted to capture her presence tight against her body.  
Maybe Supergirl could keep her nightmares away.  
Maybe Kara could make the haunting image of her soon to be ex-husband disappear.

She kneeled beside the Supergirl and kissed her cheek.  
Two eyelids lazily opened up while a groan escaped her throat.  
Lena chuckled, “That couch looks uncomfortable,” she hinted.  
Kara answered with a raspy voice and a cocky grin, “I’m Supergirl, I can take it.”  
The brunette bit down her lower lip, “I know my bed isn’t very big, but I don’t mind sharing…” she caringly offered.  
Kara answered with a smile and took Lena’s hand, following her into the bedroom.

\--------------------------------------------------------

A big pile of documents on her desk needed her attention.  
Her desk was loaded with obligations.  
The amount of work she had to do was overwhelming.  
She couldn’t figure out where to start.  
So, she just picked the first file her hands got in contact with.  
The letters seemed to dance in front of her eyes.  
A faceless bald man stood next to her desk, bringing in more.  
He asked even more of her.  
Lena couldn’t provide.  
She wasn’t enough.

Lena could feel the panic rising, “I’m sorry sir, I cannot help you.”  
The man launched himself over the save barricade that was her desk.  
As he came closer, his face became clearer.  
His eyes were hollow and his mouth was inhumanly large, with sharp teeth and a jaw so wide it must be dislocated.  
His hands were huge claws with pointy sharp fingers coming for her.  
She wanted to scream, but no sound came out.  
Right before he touched her, a shockwave spasmed her entire body.

She clenched the fabric in her hands.  
Her body was soaked in a panic sweat.  
She was panting heavily.  
Disoriented, she tried to find a point of recognition.  
Her surroundings were unfamiliar.  
Unknown except for…  
“It was just a bad dream, Lena. It was just a dream.”  
Kara caressed her arm.  
The fabric Lena was holding appeared to be Kara’s sleeping shirt.

Her sense of time and space returned to her as slowly as she was steadying her breathing.  
With a groan, she flipped herself on her back to catch more air.  
“You are so warm,” Kara observed.  
She was out and back with a wet cloak for her forehead before Lena noticed she was gone.  
The cold fabric on her head was soothing her.  
“I’m okay, Kara. It was just a dream.”

Lena was caught between hating and loving the way Kara took care of her.  
It was just a dream.  
She had to recover from the shock effect and she would be okay.  
Her heart just needed to calm down.  
She was able to do that on her own.  
Kara’s worries weren’t necessary.  
She had done it alone so many times before.  
But it was still nice to have someone take care of her while she felt lost and vulnerable.

“Here… drink some water.”  
Kara was helping Lena to sit up and offered her a glass.  
Lena could have gotten something to drink herself if she wanted it.  
She just wanted to slumber back to sleep before she was too alert to drift off again.  
“I’m okay Kara,” she shocked herself with the annoyance that sounded through her voice.  
Her throat was dry from panting, so she took the water.  
“Thanks,” she corrected her tone from earlier.  
“Anytime. I’m here if you need me,” Kara gently kissed Lena’s temple.

\-------------------------------------------------

They struggled through the night with two more occasions like this.  
Lena slept in late compared to her usual routine.  
She was finally rested well enough to start the day at 10 am.  
Kara had left the bed, which gave Lena the room to stretch fully.

“Good morning, Rainbow.”

Even though the voice was soft and sweet, the sudden noise startled Lena.  
She hadn’t noticed Kara sitting next to the bed.  
“Geez, Kara! Are you still here?” she flipped on her side to face the blonde who was sitting cross-legged on the floor with a laptop on her lap.  
“I couldn’t leave you alone with your nightmares… You were pretty restless,”  
Lena sighed.  
Little did Kara know she had been having a lot of nights like these since her honeymoon.  
“That’s sweet,” she forced herself to smile.  
Lena flipped her legs off the bed, “What are you doing, Funshine?” her smile turned genuine.  
“Just some research for an article,” Kara closed her laptop, “but that can wait.”

Kara followed Lena until she reached the bathroom.  
“Kara, I can shower alone.”  
Waking up a couple of times in a night with an overly worried Kara next to her made her want to spend some time alone.  
She needed me-time, even if it was just in the shower.  
“I know… but I can help…” Kara grinned.  
In different circumstances, Lena would have gladly accepted, maybe she would have even pulled her through the doorway.  
But spending a restless night in a single bed with a concerned Kryptonian might not have been her best idea ever.  
“I know, Kara. Another time, okay?” she gave Kara a quick kiss before closing the door between them.

\------------------------------------------

Before breakfast, Lena turned her phone back on.  
She had switched it off and tucked it away to not get distracted by it, yesterday.  
Her call history showed three missed calls.  
She received nine texts and three voice mail alerts.  
All from William.

Kelly and Alex offered to listen to them together, so Lena could talk about it and didn’t have to endure them on her own.  
Kara placed her hand on Lena’s shoulder, “We are in this together, remember?” she squeezed softly.  
How could she forget?  
Kara had been hovering around the bathroom until she got out.  
She had been in everything with her together.

With a sigh, Lena called her voice mail and put in on speaker so the others could listen along.  
_“Hey Lena… It’s me, William. I’m in front of our home now, but Kara took my key. I was hoping you would be here to open up for me, but you are not answering the doorbell. I uhm… I hoped we could talk.”_  
The words ‘our home’ made her cringe.  
Talking to William was pretty low on Lena’s to-do list.

The second message started playing.  
_“Look, I’m sorry about Friday. I didn’t mean to startle you. You are just so beautiful when you are asleep, I had to admire you…”_ Kara made a choking sound, _“anyway… You really don’t seem to be here. I assume you are with Kara. I’ll go there now. I just need the key… and it would be nice to see you again. If you want, you are welcome to come home.”_

The idea of him going to look for her at Kara’s place scared her.  
She was gladder than ever that she chooses to stay with Alex and Kelly.  
True, he needed the key and she should have handled that before he had the chance to search for her…  
But her mind was so occupied, she completely forgot.  
All of a sudden, it was like he was everywhere.  
How could she make him stop being everywhere?

Kara looked at her with her worry crinkle.  
She must have picked up how Lena’s heartrate was accelerating.

Just one more message.  
_“Lena! I’m at Kara’s now. I would appreciate it if you would open up,”_ his words were short and filled with irritation, _“I have waited until today like you asked me too. I have been in patience. I even gave Kara my key because she didn’t trust me to leave you alone… And now, I can’t enter my own house! Call me!”_ he demanded desperately.

With a deep sigh, she put her phone away.  
He was at Kara’s.  
He wanted to talk.  
He invited her to come home… 

“Do you want to look at your texts first? I’ve got a voicemail as well...” Kara held up her phone.  
It was somehow comforting to listen to his voice mails together.  
Like it wasn’t only her problem, but she was able to share the burden.

Lena took a deep breath, “Let’s listen together.”  
She figured it was better to rip the bandage off all at once.  
Kara was busy pressing the number of her voicemail when Kelly’s phone rang.

Kelly looked at her screen and back at Lena, “It’s him. I’m going to take this, don’t worry.”  
She took a few steps away from the others to pick up.

“Hello… U-huh… It is not up to me to tell you where Lena is, so it doesn’t matter if I do or do not know where she is…” she winked at Lena.  
The way Kelly took control over that call was a reassurance to Lena.  
Alex was wearing a proud smile, listening to her fiancé handling the situation.  
If she would have been a cartoon character, she would have defiantly been drawn with heart eyes.  
“I can get in contact with her… Yes, I understand… Be at your home in an hour and I will bring you the keys…” she was short and firm with her words, not giving away any kind of emotion.  
Her eyebrows raised and she readjusted her feet a little bit further apart, “no, that is completely up to her… No, she is the one who decides when and if she wants to talk… I’m going to end this conversation now! I will meet you in an hour.”  
With a big sigh and knitted brows, she ended the call.  
Her big brown eyes found Lena’s green’s, “He is open for a conversation.”  
“In case you didn’t get that, yet,” Alex scoffed.  
Alex’s remark and how Kelly was not impressed with the phone call made Lena smile.

Lena felt the urge to see him.  
To look him in his eyes.  
This was a man she loved once.  
Now he was haunting her dreams.  
He made her chill to the bones.  
He made her rage.  
He made her sad.  
But he made her feel loved once.  
And he still loved her.  
A part of her still loved him for the man he used to be to her.  
The man who was still hidden in there somewhere.  
Wasn’t see making him into more of a demon than he was?

“I want to go with you,” she told Kelly, “I need to look him in the eyes.”  
Kelly nodded appreciatively.  
“I will come too.”  
“You won’t go without me.”  
The Danvers sisters both took their protective stance.

If the situation wasn’t so loaded, it would have been funny to see how those Superhero’s seemed ready to take on Earth’s biggest threat.

Lena didn’t want a scene.  
She didn’t want Kara to come along.  
With Kelly by her side, he wouldn’t overstep.  
But with Kara there, the tension would be unnecessarily high.

“Hold your horses, cowboys. We don’t need our bodyguards to protect us at all times. Supergirl and the city’s blue hooded vigilante at his doorstep might be a little overkill,” Kelly placed her hand on Alex’s chest.  
It was impressive to see how easily Kelly could calm Alex down.  
“We are talking about a man mourning his marriage. He lost the love of his life.”  
“That was his own fault. He hurt her!” Kara interrupted.  
“True. But he is not a threat to National City… Hurting Lena is not his goal. Fixing his marriage is. She will be safe with me.”

Kara snorted in a big gulp of air.  
Her eyes darted between Lena and Kelly.  
Lena trusted Kelly and she didn’t need an overprotective Kryptonian to hover around.  
She stepped towards Kara and cupped her face, caressing her cheek, “We will be fine. Have a little faith in me. I’m still a Luthor,” she joked.  
Kara relaxed into her touch.  
“Okay… But if one of you doesn’t feel safe for even a moment, you’ll use your watch!” she pointed a warning gesture to both the women.  
“Kara… I was in the military… We will be fine,” Kelly ensured her.

\-------------------------------------------

Lena was nervous about seeing him again.  
At least this time it was planned and she had someone by her side who was calm and had her way with words.  
Kelly had apologized for intervening when Alex and Kara wanted to come along, she had the idea Lena didn’t feel comfortable with them tagging along.  
Lena confirmed the observations and thanked Kelly.

The first person she saw when entering the building was William, waiting in the lobby.  
Lena’s heart rate picked up.  
He seemed surprised but happy to see her.  
Lena hardened into her CEO posture to shield herself.  
With her chin raised high and a low calm voice she greeted him, “You wanted to talk?”

They went up to the penthouse they had lived together.  
His idea of a conversation was mainly him talking and explaining his point of view, telling her how sorry he was things got out of hand, it wouldn’t happen again and that he loved her.  
“Please, Lena… Say something,” he begged.  
She swallowed her tears away, “Your sorry means nothing if you don’t change, William.”  
“But I will,” he reacted quickly, “I will change! I will never hurt you again. It was just one slip. It’s awful you got hurt. But I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think we should be careful not to make it bigger than it is.”  
“Not bigger than it is?” Lena tensed up.  
Kelly was quick to put her hand on Lena’s shoulder.  
Her touch really had an amazing calming effect, not only on Alex but also on her.  
“I think you underestimate the load of the situation, William. It doesn’t matter how you meant it. It matters how Lena feels it. Now, look at her, William,” Kelly caringly squeezed Lena’s shoulder.  
She felt vulnerable by the way Kelly was exposing her, but the touch gave her enough confidence to trust her she knew what she was doing.  
Trying so hard to keep her emotions under control made tears roll down her face.  
William didn’t look at her.  
He focussed his attention on Kelly, “That came out wrong. I know what I did-”  
“Look at her!” Kelly demanded firmly.  
He swallowed, hesitating for a moment before he turned his attention to the woman sitting in front of him.  
Lena stared him straight in the eyes.

Emotions were twisting through her body like a hurricane.  
Anger, fear, sadness, guilt, loneliness, rage, courage, pride, disgust, emptiness, worthlessness, sorrow and wrath passed by in rapid speed.  
She clenched her jaw.  
Her breathing was so heavy that it became almost painful to retain.  
She was shaking visibly.

His eyes were on her.  
He looked at her.  
No, he didn’t just look at her.  
It was like, for the first time since their marriage went down the drain, he really saw her.

His lower lip started to tremble and his eyes watered up.  
“I… what can I do?” he asked Kelly.  
She shook her head, “You shouldn’t be asking me that question.”  
He turned his focus back to Lena, “Lena?” was all he could ask her.

She wasn’t able to form full sentences anymore.  
“Leave me… the fuck… alone!” she grunted.  
Kelly was standing behind Lena, now grounding her with a hand on each shoulder.  
He gave Kelly a desperate look.  
William seemed to have accepted Kelly as a help instead of an obstacle.  
“Get your divorce. Give Lena all the space she needs and get help. Maybe you will be able to have a healthy relationship in the future,” she advised him.  
William frowned his brows, “But… Lena, I love you. I want to fight for you.”  
In front of Lena sat a sad and broken man.

There was a time saying those words back were on automatic pilot.  
She loved him.  
She still loved the man he used to be to her.  
She still loved the memories they shared.  
But that love was now corrupted with trauma.  
She could not give him those words anymore.  
He was not worthy.

“Fight for yourself. We are done!” she stood up and turned her back to him.  
Kelly handed him a card, “give my co-worker a call. He can help you.”  
Lena left with Kelly following her footsteps.

She thought she had closed this door last night.  
But this time, she literally closed the door on him behind her.  
It was a freeing sensation.

\------------------------------------------------------------

The upcoming week proved to be a heavy challenge for Lena.  
Her nights were filled with nightmares and an overly worried Kara who got more on her nerves every day.  
She knew her protection came from love, but Lena needed to be by herself more.  
Lena suspected Alex to give Kara extra Supergirl duty’s just to give her some space.  
She had tried to talk to Kara about the suffocating effect of her behavior, which made her back down a bit.  
She wasn’t in the Olsen-Danvers residence all the time anymore, but she still checked in with her twice a day, which was a lot better.

At work, she was flunking.  
Her concentration was awful.  
She blew the deal with Border-tec, costing L-Corp a lot of money and opportunities.  
Eve ran out crying after she lashed out at her.  
She had to send flowers and apologies to get her back to be a little bit at ease with her.

Kelly and Alex were introduced to her temper.  
They understood where her behavior was coming from, which was a great comfort.  
To deal with her outbursts they usually sent her to her room.  
Kelly was a master in guiding her there for her rest, while Alex was a bit more forceful with her words.  
The first couple of times Alex’s way resulted in a lot of bickering between the two, making Lena’s head only more stuffed with emotions than it already was.  
Alex always made sure to check in on her a half-hour later tops.  
Lena learned fighting Alex about refusing to take her rest in her room only resulted in a major headache for her.  
It was never the powerplay Lena was used to.  
Her words came from care.  
The three of them became better in recognizing when Lena was overwhelmed.  
Most of the time Alex and Kelly were quicker to catch the signs than Lena herself.  
It was a process.  
She had to learn to identify when she needed rest herself.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena had retreated to her room once again, fixated on her laptop.  
She had already overcome two break downs that evening.  
Because Lena couldn’t find the concentration at L-Corp she took the work home to still get the job done.  
Her head was so empty and full at the same time, nothing came out of her hands.  
Her company would go down the drain if she didn’t get herself together soon.  
During another moment of hyperventilating, Alex entered her room.  
She reacted quickly but calmly.

With her breathing exercises and soothing voice, she was able to get Lena to calm down.  
They had been through this routine before together.  
“Better?” she asked.  
With tearful eyes, Lena nodded.  
“Good… I just came here to tell you to quit it for today, close down your laptop and go to bed,” Alex ignored the panic itself and chose to focus on the cause.  
“I can’t… I haven’t finished-”  
“Lena, it’s 2 am…” Alex interrupted, “You are not okay and you won’t heal and your work won’t improve if you continue to go on like this.”  
“But-”  
“No buts! It’s off to bed for you,” Alex held out her hands to help Lena up.  
Lena had to admit she was exhausted.  
She took Alex’s hands and let her be pulled to her feet.  
Alex put her to bed and tucked her in.  
Lena was already in her pajama’s.  
She had turned it into a habit to put them on after diner.  
“My company is failing, Alex,” Lena admitted sadly.  
Alex squatted to eye level, “What are you going to do about it?” she asked.

Lena felt defeated and small.  
Her failure made her tear up.  
She rubbed in her eyes with the palm of her hand.  
“I don’t know. Work harder I guess,” her voice cracked from exhaustion.  
“And how has that approach worked for you the past week?”  
Lena groaned.  
“You can’t anymore, Lena, you’re too tired,” she strokes her hand through Lena’s hair.  
“There is no shame in asking for help. And I think you know exactly who to call,” she winked.  
Asking for help didn’t occur to Lena before, she had been so focussed on surviving, she forgot to look at the bigger picture.  
As soon as Alex suggested help, she knew who to call.  
There was only one.

The thought of leaving her company in the hands of someone she trusted was soothing.  
Having another friend close by brought a smile to her face.

Why didn’t this occur to her before?

“I will call her tomorrow,” she smiled.  
Alex beamed, “I’m looking forward to it.”  
Lena chuckled, “Thank you, Alex. You helped a lot.”  
“Anytime! Goodnight.”  
The older Danvers bent forward and kissed Lena’s forehead.

Lena stiffened at the feeling of two lips on her skin.  
Her eyes widened.  
She knew exactly what kind of kiss this was.

Alex pulled back with the same deer in the headlight expression Lena must have had.  
“Oh…” she sounded surprised by her own action.  
“Oh!” Lena acknowledged to the awkward situation. 

“Let’s never talk of this again,” Alex propound with a scrunched nose.  
“Nope, never again!” Lena agreed.  
Alex showed an embarrassed red blush.  
“Good!” she gave Lena a firm nod.  
“Good!” Lena mirrored her movement.

Alex stumbled away from the bed towards the exit of her room.  
Lena couldn’t muffle her sounds anymore.

“Goodnight, mom!” she chuckled.  
“Shut up, Luthor!”  
With that, Alex turned off the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and had as much fun reading about the new dynamics as I had writing them.  
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


	11. Time to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena leaves L-Corp in good hands.  
> With a clearer mind, she can focus on herself.  
> She gets a lot of support from Kelly and Alex whom she bonds with even more.  
> Alex gives Lena her version of the proposal story.
> 
> Lena is slowly healing.  
> Unfortunately, not everybody is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to tell a certain part of the story, but the girls weren't ready yet.  
> This chapter is a small break from the angst.  
> Don't worry, I still stuffed some drama in there.

“Thank you for coming over so quickly. You are a true life-saver,” Lena welcomed her friend into her temporary home with wide-open arms.  
She got caught in a familiar embrace, “Oh come on, Lena… You know I would do anything for you! I owe you my life.”  
Lena wove the compliment away, “Don’t be ridiculous! Anyone would have done the same.”  
“Still, you were the only one who did!”  
“Fair enough,” Lena smiled.

She went ahead and offered her guest tea.  
Seeing her friend again made it impossible for her not to smile.

“So, tell me before we start talking business here… How are you doing? How is Ruby?” Lena asked.  
“Well… I was happy you called, to be honest. I wasn’t looking forward to spending my time alone in Metropolis. Ruby has just started at NCU, so I’m glad to be closer to my daughter.” Sam smiled, “And I’m happy I get to move back here to be with my sisters again. Talking about sisters… How is Kara doing? Are you still close?”  
Lena laughed, “Calling Kara my sister might be a bit incestuous,” she answered with a shy smile.  
“NO?!” her face beamed entertained, “Lena Luthor, you skank! You told me you were in the middle of a divorce and had a lot on your mind, but apparently Kara Danvers is on more of you than just your mind.”  
There was no lie in that conclusion.  
“Are you divorcing him because of her? I’m intrigued. Tell me everything.” 

Sam and Lena turned their afternoon into a gossip girl event.  
It was nice talking with Sam.  
Sam has always been an easy and respected friend she could rely on.  
Lena didn’t go into detail about what had happened between her and William, just that he couldn’t handle his insecurity well and she didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore.

The front door clicked open to reveal a bunch of grocery bags with an auburn-haired woman hidden behind them.  
Sam and Lena watched her put the bags on the kitchen counter in anticipation of her reaction.

She started talking before looking over to them.  
“Lena, have you heard anything from Kara today? I can’t get… SAM!” Alex’s mood turned 180 degrees when she saw her old friend again.  
She rushed over to hug her.  
“It’s so good to see you. I missed you at the wedding… I knew Lena was going to call you, but I didn’t expect you’d be here already.”  
“Yes, well… There are people you can’t refuse anything,” she eyed Lena.

It didn’t take long for Alex to ask about Ruby.  
“She’s doing great. Ruby just started NCU to follow in the footsteps of her big example.”  
“Her big example?” Alex asked.  
Sam chuckled, “She’s studying bio-engineering.”  
She was such a proud mom when she talked about Ruby.  
Touched by those words Alex placed her hand on her chest, “Aaw… I studied bio-engineering.”

Kelly got back just before the dinner Alex prepared.  
This was the first time the two women met, but Sam was a welcome addition to the group.  
“I heard so much about you,” Kelly told her.  
“Only good things I hope?” Sam eyed between Alex and Lena.  
“Very!”

After dinner, Sam said her goodbyes, “And say hi to Kara for me!” and left to arrange for moving as quickly as possible.

Even though Lena was exhausted from the social interaction she stayed in the living room with Alex and Kelly a while longer.

“Alex… You were talking about Kara. What was that about?” Lena asked worriedly.  
“Ah…” she handed Lena a glass of wine, while she sat down with her bottle of beer, “I haven’t been able to contact her all day. There is no reason to be alarmed… But it’s just odd.”  
Lena nodded.  
She didn’t have contact with her either today, but that could be because her head can’t think of two things at once at the moment.  
Meeting up with Sam was draining enough, as good as it was.

“You want me to try?” she flipped her phone out.  
“If you don’t mind…”  
Kelly nuzzled against Alex.  
She knew when her woman was worried about her baby sister.  
Lena was getting used to their couple quirks.

She texted Kara to invite her for a drink.  
The answer didn’t come in the form of a text back.  
A knock on the door followed shortly after.  
Lena left the couple cuddling on the couch.  
She opened the door to find a slightly nervous Kara behind it.  
“Hey… I was in the neighborhood when I got your text…” she explained her soon arrival with a weak smile.  
Lena smirked, “Liar!”  
She pulled Kara in for a hug.  
A hug that lasted longer than she was used to.  
It wasn’t the loving, I want to feel you everywhere, kind of hug.  
I was the, I need you to not let go, hug.  
And Kara was the one needing.  
Lena had to adjust to the kind of embrace she had gotten herself into for a moment.  
After Kara rested her head on Lena’s shoulder, she was able to let herself sink into the blonde.

With Kara giving Lena more space, she found herself missing her again.  
Even though it had barely been 24 hours since they last saw each other, Lena was happy to see her again.

“Are the two of you growing roots out there?” Alex shouted from the living room.  
Lena chuckled and tried to part from her cuddle partner.  
Kara held on tight.  
“Kara?” Lena flattened her hands on the blonde’s back.  
“Yeah… uhm… I’m just happy to see you,” she avoided eye contact and went ahead of Lena to greet her sister.  
With frowned brows, Lena closed the front door, “I missed you too,” she whispered.  
Kara threw her a shy, satisfied smile over her shoulder. 

The odd greeting was soon forgotten as Kara laughed along with the movie the women decided to watch.  
Lena noticed how this felt like a casual couples-night.  
As if all the trouble in the world had disappeared.  
Laying in Kara’s arms, it didn’t matter she blanked out a couple of times.  
With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes.  
Listing to the rhythm of the Kryptonian heartbeat, she slumbered into a deep sleep.

Her conscious was slowly returning as she felt movement.  
At first, she smiled at the warm, comforting hands on her.  
An image of William laying beside her popped up in her mind.  
Her body reacted with a shockwave of panic, waving her limbs around in self-defense.

“It’s just me, Lena!” the skin on skin contact was gone.  
The light switch was flipped within the blink of an eye.  
Kara stood next to her bed with her hands in the air.  
With her disorientation ebbing away she realized Kara was just putting her to bed.  
She pushed herself up, panting heavily.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I thought you would be more comfortable in sleepwear. I won’t do it again,” Kara apologized.  
Lena shook her head, “No, that… that’s actually very sweet.”  
When she had her breathing back under control she looked up at Kara, “Thanks.”  
She made room for Kara to sit next to her.  
Kara’s hesitation had to be broken by Lena grabbing her hand and pulling her next to her.

The blonde dropped her gaze, “I… I didn’t mean to startle you.”  
“I know you didn’t,” Lena smiled, “it just happened… But that’s okay. I… I didn’t hit you in my flapping around, did I?”  
A small smile appeared, “If you did, you would have broken your hand.”  
Lena chuckled, “sometimes I forget you are Earth's most powerful Superhero, you know that?”  
Kara knitted her brows in disbelief, “Really?”  
“To me, you are just Kara.”  
“Just Kara? That doesn’t sound very special…” Kara noted.  
Lena wrapped an arm around her, “Are you kidding me? Kara is the best! The sweet and cheerful reporter from CatCo magazine… On another Earth she won a Pulitzer, you know that? That’s pretty impressive.”  
With a sigh, Kara showed some relief.

Lena took some time to observe Kara.  
She looked different.  
Small?  
Insecure?  
“You seem tensed,” she noted.  
Kara shrug, “I guess… I’ve had a busy week.”  
“You want to talk about it?” Lena offered.  
She shook her head, “not right now.”  
“Want me to release some of your tension?” Lena smirked.  
“You know massaging me doesn’t do much for my muscles,” Kara explained.  
Lena climbed on Kara’s lap and cupped her face, “My dear, sweet, innocent, Little Care Bear… There are more ways to get rid of your tension.”  
She explored Kara’s lips with her own.  
Her hands searched for bare skin.  
Kara stopped her, “n-not tonight… okay?”  
Lena froze immediately, “Oh… y-yeah, sure… Uhm… yeah.”  
She climbed off her.  
“I’m sorry, Lena… It’s just… I don’t know…” Kara stammered.  
Lena took her hand, “You don’t have to explain. Sometimes you just don’t feel like it, I get that.”  
Kara finally looked at her again, “Thanks.”  
“Do you want to fall asleep together?” Lena asked carefully.  
It had surprised her how easily she fell asleep against Kara while watching the movie.

Kara pressed her lips into a thin line, “There is somewhere I have to be early tomorrow…” she paused for a moment to look deep into Lena’s eyes, “but I can stay with you until you fall asleep if you would like that…” she offered with an insecure smile.  
Lena nodded, “I would love that.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------

The next weeks were dedicated to therapy and handing L-Corp over to Sam smoothly.

The first week of Sam’s takeover meetings, where the CEO had to be present, were postponed as much as possible.  
Sam and Lena entered the remaining two meetings together.

The knowledge of L-Corp being in good hands so Lena could focus on herself, made her kinder to her employees.

Meanwhile, she loyally continued her therapy sessions with Kelly.  
Lena attacked her demons with sword and shield, charged into battle without hesitation.  
She impressed Kelly with her dedication and vulnerability.  
“I’m on the move now. It’s better to not slow down when you are on a winning streak,” was Lena’s vision.  
This approach seemed to work for her.  
Diving in headfirst also meant she had to be aware of the cold water she would hit and make her body adjust to it before diving into the next depth.  
It meant not fighting her fears and embrace them.  
Her fears were there for a reason.  
They came from somewhere and were meant to protect her.  
It was up to her to learn which fear was relevant and which was trauma.  
The same goes for her anger and sadness.  
All feelings were okay.  
They were there and fighting them only tired her out and made her process last longer.

There were still days where she wanted to hide from the world.  
Days she unreasonable lashed out at Kelly and Alex.  
Days with panic attacks.  
Nights she cried herself to sleep.  
Nights she woke up sweating from a nightmare.  
But they happened less each week.

Her road to healing was tough.  
It was truly setting two steps forward, one back, two forward, three back, two forward and one back.  
The steps back were demotivating.  
Kelly helped her focus on the steps forward.  
Using her logic, Lena figured she set one step forward in a couple of weeks…  
But it was still a step forward.

Alex and Kelly were a major help to her healing process.  
She could just be.  
She was left alone when she wanted to.  
She could talk when she needed to.  
She bonded with both of them.

Kelly figured Lena needed a hobby.  
She was introduced to the kitchen by Kelly who taught her a couple of recipes.  
“Cooking is soothing for your soul,” Kelly claimed.  
Lena didn’t know if she agreed to that, but she was learning to enjoy it.  
The first thing she learned to prepare was potstickers.  
Kara would love that skill. 

She had “drinking distraction nights” as Alex liked to call their alcoholic evenings when Kelly was out.  
Kelly found them both passed out on the couch and scolded Alex for not being responsible enough because Lena had to be careful with her alcohol consumption.  
Lena couldn’t stop laughing at the giggling Alex who was being lectured by her fiancé.

\--------------------------------------------

The next morning Kelly had woken them both up early to do chores and exercise together.  
Kelly had them cleaning the living room, the dishes of last night, and made them do the laundry.  
Alex did most of it because Lena emptied her stomach in the bathroom.

After the chores were done and Lena felt better, Kelly ushered them both out the door.  
“We can go this afternoon,” Alex tried to convince her.  
“You were a tough girl last night, you can be a tough girl this morning! Fresh air and exercise will help Lena get the alcohol out of her system.”  
“If you care so much about Lena’s bloody alcohol, why don’t you go ride a bike with her?”  
“Oh no. You had an alcoholic party with her even after I told both of you it’s bad for her healing brain!”  
Lena felt guilt creep up on her, seeing them argue like this, “Kelly, it’s okay. I’m a grown woman. I made the choice to drink. Alex didn’t force me to do anything,” she tried to mend.

She had seen Lillian and Lionel fight so many times.  
She had been blamed for their fights so many times.  
But seeing Alex and Kelly having words over her hit different.  
She liked both of them.

“Please don’t fight over me,” she added small.  
Alex and Kelly went quiet immediately.  
They turned their focus toward Lena.  
“Honey, we broke the first rule…” Kelly said touching Alex’s arm without tearing her eyes away from a confused looking Lena.  
Alex nodded, “No fighting in front of the baby!” she deadpanned.  
Lena was taken aback, “I… what? Are you kidding me?” she frowned her brows.  
“Now, come to your mommies,” Alex wrapped one arm around Kelly and held the other out for Lena to accept.  
Kelly also made room for Lena to enter.

“This is ridiculous!” Lena noted as she stepped forward and let herself get pulled into the embrace.  
“We are sorry, sweetie. That’s how we solve things sometimes,” Kelly explained.  
Lena wouldn’t admit it, but she secretly enjoyed being held by this goofy couple.  
“Yes! Your mommies still love each other,” Alex joked.  
The Luthor pushed herself out of their family moment and bumped her fist at Alex’s bicep, “Shut up, Danvers!”  
Alex laughed in triumph while caressing the place she was hit.

“But seriously: Exercise and fresh air are good for you. I made the two of you a healthy smoothy for on the way,” Kelly turned towards the kitchen.  
“I’ll get them,” Alex rushed passed her with a backpack to fill from the refrigerator.  
“I also got us some fruit and protein bars,” she informed Lena.  
Lena shrug, unsure why that was so important she nearly run Kelly over, “S-sure.”

Alex was leading the way, “How do you feel about biking all day, as Kelly suggested?”  
Lena’s head was still spinning lightly and her body was feeling weak and tired, “I’m done with it already,” she confessed.  
“I was going to ride with you all day, but if you feel so strongly about this...”  
From the corner of her eye, Lena could see Alex’s smirk.  
“What are you up to Danvers?” Lena was curious but exited.  
“Just follow me, I’ve got a better idea.”

Alex and Lena had put their bicycles aside at a peaceful lake just outside National City.  
They sat themselves down as Alex started going through her backpack.  
“What do you say, we finish what we started yesterday?” she pulled out two beers.  
Lena scoffed, “My therapist told me, alcohol is bad for me.”  
“Your therapist also tells you to not burn your toast, but you still do that!” Alex shrug.  
“You really are a bad influence, you know that?” Lena quirked her eyebrow.  
“Fine, you get a smoothy!” Alex theatrically stuffed one bottle back.  
“Please…” Lena rolled her eyes and yanked the remaining beer from Alex’s hand, resulting in a loud: “Hey!”  
“I’m a Luthor… Drinking is in my blood,” with a twist of her wrist she opened it and put the bottle to her lip.  
Alex grinned, getting the other bottle back out and clinking it with Lena’s, “There’s my favorite Luthor.”  
Lena smirked, “Oh come on, I don’t have competition.”  
“True.”  
“You on the other hand…”  
“Are you telling me I’m not your favorite Danvers?”  
“Do you really want me to answer that question?”  
Alex kept quiet for a moment, “Better not…”  
“I thought so too!” 

Lena enjoyed spending time with Alex like this.  
She made her feel like a teenager again.  
“Aren’t you going to get in trouble with your woman?” she asked.  
“Don’t worry about it. Kelly and I are solid,” Alex flashed her with a big, toothy smile.  
“Kelly’s main goal was to have the house to herself today. Sometimes she needs a little me-time as we all do... And you need to loosen up, Luthor… Let go.”

Not following instructions and just following her instincts did feel good.  
Alex enabled Lena to color outside the lines.  
She was learning to let go of the high expectations she had set for herself.  
It was a lesson Alex was also still learning.  
She couldn’t alone, but with Lena next to her, she was able to let go.  
It was one of the confessions she drunkenly did the night before.

The two rebellious women enjoyed the warm after summer sun with their drinks, protein bars, fruits, and staring over the lake.

“How did you propose to Kelly?” Lena wondered.  
She felt bad for not registering the answer the first time Alex told the story.

Alex beamed by the question alone.  
Apparently, she didn’t mind telling the story again.

“Well… Maybe you know Maggie and I broke up over my wish to be a mother… Or her not wanting to be one, that’s a matter of perspective… Anyway, a couple of years back, not long after I met Kelly, I got a call I was chosen to adopt a child. I was overjoyed and terrified. Kelly supported me, went with me and was there for me when I got disappointed. So, Kelly always knew about my wish. She moved in with me, while we kept the baby-room intact. But it was more like it was my thing, you know… And I was getting impatient. I didn’t hear from the adoption agency for such a long time…”

_"Hello, this is Alex Danvers. I haven’t heard from your agency in a while, I was wondering if there is something wrong with my file?” Alex stammered on the phone.  
“Miss Danvers… We still have your file. Unfortunately, there has been little interest in you.”  
Those words cut like a knife through her heart.  
The woman on the line didn’t seem to have an empathic bone in her body.  
Alex swallowed a lump in her throat, “is there anything I can do to become more interesting?”  
Her voice gave in to a small quiver, but her lower lip trembled uncontrollably.  
“Well, couples get picked a lot sooner than singles,” the woman sounded bored with her.  
Hope sparked in her heart, “Wait!” a sigh was heard on the other side of the line, “I have a partner!” Alex continued.  
“If he is your legal partner, you will enhance your chances,” Alex was low key wondering if it was the end of her shift that made her so unlikeable.  
“No, I’m not married… But that can be arranged,” Alex beamed with excitement.  
Her conversation partner stayed silent.  
“Okay, well… Thank you, bye,” she ended the call, “Bitch!” _

“Wow, she certainly was a bitch! Geez…” Lena barked out.  
“I know. She can still make me mad about that call,” Alex confessed.  
“For what it’s worth… I think you would be an amazing mom, Alex. There is no one I would trust with my kid than you,” Lena cheered her up.

Almost every joke hides a truth.  
The same goes for the inside mom-child jokes between Lena and Alex.  
When Lena was at her lowest and needed more guidance than a friend, she saw the mom in Alex.  
They had never talked about the moment where Alex motherly kissed her forehead when she tucked her to bed, but weirdly, that was a moment she treasured in her chest of memories as one of her favorites with the elder Danvers.  
Alex smiled shy, “That means a lot, coming from someone with a mother-complex.”  
Lena clicked her tongue and shook her head, “Back to your proposal story, before you destroy the moment!”

Alex laughed, “Okay. Well… Kelly was at work so that allowed me to find a ring. It didn’t have to be the most amazing engagement ring ever, she already told me she didn’t care about that. After we’re married we will wear the ring that connects us, that one is a lot more special and we will pick that out together. So, it just had to be a symbolic ring that was pretty… At the third jewelry, I found a ring worthy of her finger.”  
Lena was endeared by the way Alex spoke about her fiancé.  
“Another beer?” Alex interrupted her own story.  
“Oh, yes please!”  
They clinked again as Alex continued, “so, that afternoon I picked her up from work on my motorcycle…”

_"You know I like to see you like this… But what’s the occasion?” Kelly asked as soon as she saw her girlfriend in front of the Obsidian building.  
“Hop on! I’ve packed for the weekend,” she offered Kelly the second helmet.  
Kelly squinted her eyes, while she took the helmet from Alex.  
“Do you trust me?” Alex joked.  
“I trust you,” Kelly smirked, “my street rat!” she wrapped herself tightly around Alex._

_After a lovely ride through the countryside, Alex pulled up the driveway.  
The front door opened even before both women had the chance to grab their luggage.  
“Alex, darling!” Eliza rushed over to hug her daughter.  
She quickly turned her attention to Kelly when she and Alex parted, “It’s so nice to see you again, Kelly,” she pulled Kelly in for an evenly lovely embrace.  
“You knew we were coming?” Kelly asked her.  
“Alex called this afternoon. I’ve made your beds and I was about to start cooking a family recipe… Do you want to help me?” she wrapped an arm around Kelly to usher her inside.  
“Yeah, that’s fine. I will carry everything upstairs. Don’t worry about me!” she yelled after them. _

“Mom was in on it and lured Kelly away from me, so I could get all my preparations for my proposal upstairs without her knowing.”  
“And what better way to distract Kelly than with a family recipe!” Lena smiled, knowing how Kelly would have loved that.  
“That surprised me actually. Mom once tried to teach me, but she never even dared to learn Kara… So, letting Kelly in on the family secret recipe was actually a big deal. Mom must have been excited to welcome her into the family,” Alex explained.  
“Aw, that’s sweet… And Kara is a bad cook, isn’t she?” Lena scrunched her nose.  
“You two are going to starve!”

If it wasn’t for take-out and going out to dinner, Lena knew that would have been true.  
“I learned some recipes from Kelly,” Lena pointed out.  
“You can’t live on potstickers alone!”  
“Kara can.”  
“Touché.”

“To continue my story…” Alex picked up again.  
“Yes, sorry. Go on!”  
“I put some fake candles in the shape of a heart on the rooftop outside our childhood room… Kara and I had spent hours on that rooftop after my dad went missing… I took Kelly on a hike to show her my favorite spots growing up… When the evening fell I took her upstairs…”

_"Shouldn’t we spend some more time with your mother? You haven’t seen her in a while…” Kelly pointed out.  
She seemed to be confused by Alex’s urge to take her upstairs.  
Alex was already standing at the foot of the staircase, holding Kelly’s hand.  
She gave her mother a look that begged for help.  
“It’s alright sweetie, I will see you girls tomorrow morning,” Eliza added to the situation.  
Her input made Kelly follow Alex._

_Alex could feel her heart pounding rapidly.  
“Darling, your palms are sweaty. Are you okay?” Kelly wondered.  
“Yeah… yeah… no… I’m alright. Just a bad reaction to the food I guess,” Alex tried to find an explanation for her nervously sweaty hands.  
“What? Oh no. Did I do something wrong? Did I mess up your mom’s cooking?” she was genuinely worried about her part in dinner preparations.  
Alex had clearly chosen a wrong explanation.  
“No, darling. Dinner was delicious,” she stepped forward, placed a hand in Kelly’s neck, and kissed her._

_After a passionate interaction, Alex clumsily pulled away.  
“So, this used to be my bedroom… I shared it with Kara,” she stammered.  
“I never noticed in all our previous visits to your mom…” Kelly sarcastically reacted.  
She placed her hand on Alex’s forehead, “Are you sure you are feeling okay? You are being weird. You don’t seem to have a fever, but you sure are hot.”  
Kelly smiled mischievously and leaned in for another kiss.  
Alex dodged her, “Yes… I mean no… eh… I want to show you something… Come with me… eh… Please?”  
She couldn’t bear more procrastination, she had to get it out as soon as possible._

_Alex opened the window.  
On her way out she tripped and fell flat on her belly on the rooftop, bumping three candles over, making them roll down the roof and falling in the yard.  
Alex groaned.  
“Are you okay?” Kelly asked from inside._

_With Maggie, she had just blurted the question out without giving it any thought.  
She had been impulsive and she was not going to make that mistake again.  
This time she had thought about how she was going to propose and what she was going to say.  
This was going to be memorable.  
Kelly deserved the best.  
Kelly deserved perfection._

_Too bad she was already messing up.  
“Oh shit, shit, shit!” she muttered.  
“I mean… Yes, I’m fine. Give me a moment…”_

_Kelly patiently waited inside while Alex tried to rearrange the candles.  
In her nerves, she kicked another candle over that rolled down and disappeared over the edge.  
“No, no, no… this is all wrong,” she talked to herself.  
“Can I help you with anything?” Kelly asked looking out the window.  
Alex straightened her back when she saw Kelly watching her.  
She looked around to the crooked heart next to her.  
With a deep sigh, she bowed her head._

_Alex couldn’t give up.  
She still had to try with everything that was left._

_“Okay, you can come out.”  
She offered Kelly her hands to prevent her from tripping as she did._

_Kelly had to sit in the middle of the heart.  
“I… uhm…” Alex started but decided she wanted to sit next to Kelly instead of standing so tall above her.  
Her bum just touched the roof when she finally realized she forgot to turn the electric candles on._

_“Hang on a moment,” she requested Kelly who was giggling softly.  
Alex crawled on her knees around the heart to flip all the individual switches.  
How could she be so dumb to forget?  
“Ignore this is happening, okay?... Just look at the stars!” she instructed Kelly._

_Alex dropped down next to Kelly, who was faithfully looking up at the sky.  
The older Danvers gave herself a moment to calm her nerves and forget what just happened.  
The show must go on._

_“It’s clouded,” Kelly noted dryly with a smile on her face._

_“Noooo,” Alex groaned as she let herself fall backward in despair, tipping over two other candles.  
It didn’t matter anymore.  
Everything was ruined.  
She slapped her hands in front of her face.  
If she could have one wish granted this moment, it would have been to disappear._

_A hand caressed her head.  
Two lips kissed an uncovered part of her skin on her chin.  
She didn’t speak.  
Both of them didn’t.  
It gave Alex the opportunity to swallow her tears and accept her defeat._

_She let her hands slide off her face and sniffed.  
“I’m sorry… You deserve nothing less than perfect.”  
Alex dared to roll her head sideways to look Kelly in her eyes.  
She had expected to see at least a little hint of disappointment.  
Kelly showed nothing of that.  
Instead, her eyes twinkled with love and her lips were turned into an endeared smile.  
“Then make it perfect, love!” she encouraged her girlfriend.  
Alex shook her head, “I can’t… I crooked your heart. It’s incomplete and ugly,” she sniffed.  
A tear rolled down her cheek.  
Kelly wiped it away.  
“It doesn’t matter what the heart looks like. All that matters is what’s within that heart. Right now, it’s only you and me!” she stole a peck on Alex’s lips._

_It was amazing how Kelly could make her forget everything she messed up a moment ago.  
A new boost of confidence flowed through her body.  
It was now or never.  
She reached for her back pocket and got a piece of paper out with notes on what she was going to say.  
“Shit!” she couldn’t read because of the lack of light.  
With a wild swing of her arm, she reached for one of the few candles that were still standing and placed them between their faces.  
She held her notes up so she could read.  
Kelly giggled before she could begin to speak.  
That was when she noticed she had blocked her face completely with the notes.  
Alex was trembling all over.  
“Shit!”_

_Kelly pulled the paper down.  
“Alex… my love… you are perfectly imperfect… and I love you that way…”  
She took Alex’s hands into her own, “Please… speak from your heart. I will hear you… You can’t go wrong… I know you!”  
She made Alex smile shyly again._

_Yes, Kelly knows her._

_“Gosh, you are beautiful in the light of this cheap fake candle,” Alex chuckled.  
Kelly chuckled, “That’s a good start, go on.”_

_“Well… okay…” Alex took a deep breath to release quivering of nerves.  
“I talked to the adoption agency today… she was a total bitch, but I’ll rant about that later… The point is… You know becoming a mother is my dearest wish and… well… the adoption agency told me my chances increase tremendously if I would have a legal partner… and… o gosh that came out wrong… I-” she started shutting down, knowing how bad that must have sounded.  
Kelly must think she was being used to get a baby.  
“Don’t stop now, sweetheart. You are doing great. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say,” Kelly motivated her.  
“But I messed u-”  
Kelly cut her off, “Ignore that, just continue!” she still seemed so happy.  
Alex pulled herself together and tried again.  
“The truth is… I do want to be a mother. But… above all… above my dearest wish of motherhood… I want to be a mother with you.”_

_She sat up.  
Kelly followed her example in the same motion.  
Alex rolled on her knees and put her hand in the pocket of her leather jacket._

_“My dearest… Do you want to start a family with me?”  
She opened her box with the ring. _

“So, I put her in that perfect heart of lit candles and told her how I used to watch the stars with my father. This place on the rooftop was special because Kara took me flying for the first time. Anyway… I told Kelly how special she was to me and since she felt like home to me, it would only be fitting to take her to my childhood home. I said that I would like to be a mother, but I wanted nothing more than becoming a mother with her… I went on one knee and showed her the ring. Kelly said ‘yes’ and I put the ring on her finger,” Alex told Lena.

_Kelly gasped, “Oh Alex…” she slapped her hands in front of her mouth.  
“That was actually a better proposal than I would dare to dream of,” tears were glistering in her eyes.  
Alex was bouncing nervously, anxiously biting her lip.  
“Ehm… Kel… could you please answer my question? I’m kind of dying here…”  
“Oh shit, yes! Yes, Alex. A thousand times, yes!” she wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck and kissed her fiercely.  
“Yes, Alex. I want to become a mom with you!” she crashed herself into Alex.  
In her excitement, she knocked the ring out of Alex’s hands.  
They heard it roll.  
Both held their breath while they watched the ring, hoping it would stop moving.  
To complete the experience, it also rolled off the rooftop into mama’s garden._

_“Shit!” they jinxed together._

“Blegh, that sounds perfectly cheesy. I hoped you would have at least rolled off the roof,” Lena gagged jokingly.  
“Fuck you, Luthor!” she pushed Lena, who tumbled over laughing.

“No, but seriously… I’m happy for you! You are a lucky woman… and so is Kelly,” she admitted.  
Alex grinned like a giggly teenager, “Thank you.” 

“Do you want to be a mom, Lena?” Alex wondered out loud.  
Lena wrapped her arms around her pulled up legs and shrug her shoulders.  
“I… I don’t know... I never really saw myself having children… I was always so focussed on becoming better than everybody thought I was.”  
“Who is everybody?” Alex asked for clarification.  
“Well… you know. I have always been a disappointment as a daughter. If I can’t even be a good daughter, how could I possibly be a good mother?”

Lena dropped her casual act about the topic.  
She was learning that it was okay if it hurt and she didn’t have to push those feelings away with a joke or hard shell.  
Especially not with Kelly and Alex, they knew her better by now.

“The Luthors!” Alex concluded with disgust in her voice.  
Lena frowned her brows.  
“Mama Dey wanted me to become the mom of her grandchildren. She thought I would be a great mother… But I couldn’t possibly be, Alex. I am more the cool aunt type.” 

She has created portals to different dimensions.  
She has saved the earth by filling the sky with lead.  
She has made Kara a Kryptonite suit.  
She has saved Sam from her Reign persona.  
She has given people superpowers.  
…  
But raising a child was a responsibility she would not dare to take upon herself.

“You would be an awesome aunt,” Alex bumped Lena’s shoulder with her own.  
Lena was convinced she could do that.  
She had a nice bond with Ruby.  
“I would love to be your kid’s awesome aunt.”

Alex and Lena started fantasizing about the wedding.  
“But don’t you dare to feel up my baby-sister in the sky at my wedding!” Alex warned her.  
With that Alex lifted her spirit again, making her flush at the memory.

“Talking about marriage… How is your divorce from your big bad wolf going?” Alex joked.  
“Oh come on… He is not that bad. He wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed help.”  
Lena had found a way to deal with everything that happened between them.  
She was still hurt by what he did but figured he was not an evil man.  
He was misguided.  
His coping was bad.  
She had heard he started therapy and was working to be better.  
“The papers are with my lawyer now. I don’t want a lawsuit or fight about it. Clean and quick. So, we will meet next week with both our lawyers to round it all up.”  
Alex nodded, “That’s good.”

Singing those papers was just a formality.  
Lena’s decision was final.  
Even though she wasn’t mad anymore.  
Even though she didn’t blame him anymore.  
Even though she knew he was also a good guy…  
She was done with him.  
Legal papers were the only thing still tying them together.  
With those out of the way, she could find closure.  
She would be a free woman again.  
She could finally call herself: Kara’s girlfriend!  
If Kara still wants her…

“Does Kara know?” Alex asked.  
Lena sighed sadly, “I wanted to tell her in person, but it’s hard to get in contact with her… So, I texted her the divorce would be done next week. It took her a day to respond with: ‘good riddance’”  
She dropped her head, “I don’t know if she still even likes me, Alex… I can feel her slipping away.”  
Alex scooted closer to wrap an arm around the Luthor girl, “Don’t take it personally. She responses slowly to emergency calls as well... She claims to have a bad connection. Brainy checked it a couple of times, but there was nothing wrong with the connection. I think she has a lot to do at CatCo.”  
Lena sighed and turned her head to look at the other woman, “I miss her, Alex.”  
Alex nodded, “I know… I do too.”

They slowly started packing their stuff and walked back to their bicycles.  
“You know… Kara always needs some time to adjust to a new situation. She can be a woman I’ve never seen before in her quest of finding herself again,” Alex explained.  
“Really? I mean… I think I have missed some signs in the past because I only knew half of what was going on in her life…” a sadness sounded in her voice.  
“Want me to fill you in?” Alex offered.  
They ascended their bikes.  
“Yes, please!” Lena answered.  
Ever since she found out Kara was also Supergirl, she had learned some things about the double life she let and how that was for her, but there was still so much she didn’t know about the woman she lost her heart to.

“Okay… well… when she decided to become Supergirl, she had a hard time combining Supergirl with Kara Danvers and keeping a social life…”  
Their ride back was filled with stories about how Kara had to adjust all her life to every new situation on her path.

\------------------------------------------------------

Even though Alex’s explained about Kara’s coping and how she could distance herself, it was still bugging Lena.  
She had invited Kara for a dinner date, but she had reacted with a promise to go another time.  
A visit during her lunchtime was the best she could do that week.

Kara flew into the Olsen-Danvers residence as Supergirl.  
Lena had been excited to see her, but her excitement turned into worry the moment she saw her.  
Big black circles had formed beneath her eyes and her sun-kissed skin had colored grey.  
She didn’t know it was even possible for a Kryptonian to be so tired as she looked.  
As soon as she showed concern, Kara backed away.  
“I’m fine, Lena. Don’t worry about me,” she wove her off.  
“Tell me about you. How are you now that you are divorcing that pig?” Kara spitted in anger.

“Wow, now hold up!” Lena was taken aback by Kara’s attitude.  
“You could have just asked me how I was dealing with the divorce instead of insulting him.”  
Kara scoffed, “I was insulting the pigs,” she muttered.  
This was a different Kara from the bubbly girl she fell in love with.  
Just like Alex had described: She turned into a woman she had never met before.

“Kara…” Lena let her shoulders drop, saddened by the mood of the Super.  
“Why aren’t you angry at him?” Kara asked with clenched fists.  
With care, she approached the mad woman.  
Her palms folded around Kara’s fists, “because I learned a while ago: anger consumes me and leaves me utterly alone.”  
Kara swallowed thick.  
She tried to escape Lena’s eye contact, slowly softening to her touch until she could comfortably look at her again.  
Lena brought her hand up to Kara’s cheek, “I miss you, Kara.”  
Prepared for another rejection, she leaned in, taking the chance anyway.  
Kara closed the gap and kissed her with much more love and warmth than Lena expected her to be able to give.  
Their kiss transformed into a loaded hug.  
She could feel her Funshine wrapped around her again.  
She was still in there.

“I’m keeping you safe Lena,” she whispered.  
Kara let her go, “I have to go now…”  
Before she launched off, she shot a last glance over her shoulder to Lena, “I love you!”  
Lena wasn’t given the chance to say it back.

They didn’t even have lunch.  
Kara never touched the potstickers Lena made her.  
She just stopped by.  
Just to see her.

Kara was so different.  
But somewhere inside, she was still the same…

What did she mean by keeping her safe?

\---------------------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you got Border-Tec back!” Lena beamed of happiness.  
She had been really bummed out about losing that deal.  
If someone would have been able to get it back, it would have been Sam.  
“It wasn’t that hard. I went back to the basics. The reason why they were interested in L-Corp in the first place… I could rely on that,” Sam had a cocky smile about her achievement.  
“But still… that’s amazing.”

Lena had taken Sam out to dinner to celebrate her success in temporarily taking over the company.  
“How is it to be back in National City?” she informed.  
Sam sighed aloud, “I had no idea I missed it so much! And Ruby can come home anytime she likes… which is a lot less than I would like.”  
“I can imagine,” Lena chuckled.

Sam squinted her eyes to observe Lena.  
“You look a lot better,” she noted.  
Lena felt pride, “Thank you. I do feel a lot better than a couple of weeks ago.”  
“You seem calmer,” Sam pointed out.  
There was truth in that, “I feel calmer,” she nodded.

Sam and Lena enjoyed their dinner over casual talk and L-Corp talk.  
It was nice to still feel connected to her company.

“Do you and Kara have any plans to celebrate your divorce?” Sam wiggled her eyebrows mischievously.  
“Oh gosh, I wish!” Lena reacted on impulse.  
“You don’t have plans? What kind of a girlfriend are you?” Sam asked in surprise.  
Lena pressed her mouth into a thin line, “the kind that didn’t want to be called girlfriend until her divorce was final?”  
She dropped her head in her hands to burry herself in shame.  
“I screwed up, didn’t I?” she mumbled.  
“The title of ‘girlfriend’ is not all that defines the two of you,” Sam took Lena’s hand into her own to squeeze shortly, “you have always shared a special connection with her, Lena. That was clear to me the first time you introduced me to her.”  
“Yeah… You’re probably right…” Lena pulled herself together.

Armed with a dose of energy Lena hadn’t had in weeks, she suggested going to a bar for a closing drink to their girls' night out.  
She knew she was going to be a tired piece of garbage tomorrow, maybe even down or anxious…  
But that would be worth it.  
She had to enjoy an evening with one of her best friends.

Lena and Sam ordered themselves a scotch.  
The sounds in the place were a bit much for Lena but she had to be able to get herself through that least drink.

A tv was hanging on the wall in the bar.  
It was showing the news.  
Lena could see it over Sam’s shoulder, but she preferred to concentrate on her friend and ignore the tv.

The fire on the news was able to draw her attention anyway.  
An apartment building was burning.  
The bottom of the screen showed a headline running by: ‘Dreamer saves lives’  
The next headline hit Lena like lighting: ‘Where is Supergirl?’

“W-wait… What’s going on with Supergirl?” she grabbed Sam by the arm, “Where is she?” she asked out loud without caring who would provide her with the answer.

“Nobody knows. She leaves National City to its mercy only to show up occasionally the last couple of weeks… We are probably not interesting enough for her anymore. Good thing Dreamer took over!” the barman muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.  
> As you can see, something is brewing here...
> 
> Comments make me happy and will be answered.  
> Kudos are also appreciated.


	12. Missed you like crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the news of Supergirl not defending her city, Lena is convinced something is wrong with Kara.  
> She is determined to find her and help her.  
> This time it is Lena's turn to care for Kara.  
> She will fight for her soul and is willing to go to extremes to get her attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I do not write smut, I am way to innocent for that!  
> Also me: *writes chapter 12*
> 
> It is sexy, not smut...  
> I advise you to not read the last part when you're with your grandparents.

The news had hit her like a meteorite, taking her IQ down with it.  
She excused herself to Sam, and rushed out of the bar, leaving her friend behind alone and confused.

The first thing Lena could think of was trying to call Kara.  
But the phone was not being answered.  
Not the second try.  
Not the third try.  
At her fourth attempt, she left a voice message with the most important words she could say to her right now, “Kara? … Funshine? Please, call me back… I love you!” 

There were only two occasions in which Lena Luthor ran.  
She runs for her life.  
And she runs for Kara’s life.  
This situation fits into the second category because Lena Luthor is running.  
With her high heels in her hand, she is running barefoot.  
She is running barefoot through the streets of National City.  
Abandoning all rational thinking, she runs towards Kara’s home.  
Her mind raced with her in confusion.

Kara doesn’t back down from a fight.  
She always protects…  
Always!  
She is a selfless hero in her core.  
She is the embodiment of goodness…  
What is going on with her?  
Where is she?  
Why isn’t she defending her city?

Just like the phone calls, there is no answer after knocking on the door.  
“Kara?” for those who knew Lena a panic was obviously audible in her voice.  
Those who didn’t know her might have mistaken her tone for distant, cold, and formal.

She decided to use the spare key Kara had given her when she moved in with William.  
_“In case you need some time away from him, you are always welcome at my place, even when I’m not around!”_ she had said.  
This was the first time she used it.

Without giving it much thought of what she might run into, she entered the loft.

The room was dark.  
The silence was deafening.  
The air was infected with a rotten scent.  
The feeling of the home was cold and lifeless.  
It was a world apart from the usual warmth and joy Kara brought to it.

Lena closed the door behind her and turned on the lights.

At first sight, everything looked the same.  
Her home was messy.  
But orderly messy.  
…  
Kara-messy.  
Where everything still had its own place and function.  
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

“Kara?”

Against her better judgment, she still called for her friend.  
The apartment seemed to be abandoned.  
Filling the air with her name made her feel less alone.

The emptiness made her awfully aware of the pounding beat of her heart.

An uneasy feeling took hold of her.  
Her instincts told her to run.  
Run for her first reason to run.  
Run for her life.

She swallowed the thick lump in her throat.  
With a clenched fist she pushed back the fear.

Kara wouldn’t back down if Lena was in danger.  
Kara wouldn’t run if Lena was nowhere to be found.  
It was Lena’s time to rescue Kara from whatever the danger was.  
It was time to search the apartment for clues.  
To search for anything that could bring her closer to Kara.

Lena was shocked to find dust on the kitchen counter.  
That would indicate Kara hadn’t been eating, or at least, not in her own home.  
The rotting smell was coming from the garbage bag that seemed to not have been emptied in weeks.

Her new-found knowledge made her sad.  
“Oh Kara… what is happening to you?” she wondered out loud.

Kara was someone who loved her food.  
She was like a golden retriever in all her aspects.  
Those dogs love food so much, if they stop eating, they are probably dying.  
Something must be seriously wrong with her.

The refrigerator was stacked with rotten food.  
It had been in there too long.  
The smell was overwhelmingly disgusting.  
Lena couldn’t help but throw the rot away immediately.

She put the garbage bag in the hallway to take with her on her way out.  
Not the whole apartment had been investigated yet.

Kara’s plants were dying.  
For someone who asks her sister to water her plants, when she goes away for a long weekend, that is also odd.

Lena felt the need to water her plants.  
It was the least she could do.  
She cared for her plants.

The pounding of her heart had reduced to a more common beat.  
Fear had made room for sadness.  
Everything about the house was depressing.

Her phone buzzed with a message.  
Before it was done buzzing, Lena had already unlocked her screen.  
Her hope for a sign of life from Kara faded away when she saw Sam’s name.  
_‘I’m at home. Are you all alright? You left in a hurry.’_  
She typed a quick message reassuring her friend she was fine, she had just forgotten something and she thanked her for the night out.

Lena also sent a text to Kara.  
_‘I’m at your place now. Please, come home.’_

At further inspection of the house, Lena concluded Kara hadn’t been here in a while.  
The bathroom smelled musky, probably because it has not been used for too long.

On Kara’s bed, she found the same Funshine pajama she had worn a couple of weeks ago.  
Lena remembered her bubbly and sweet Kara standing in front of her.  
With a wide grin, she cheered her up.  
She was so cute like that.  
Cheerful Kara was the best version of her girl.  
That smile always made her warm inside.

Remembering that smile was like a knife cutting through her heart.  
Where was she?

Lena took the pajama of the bed and buried her nose in them.  
The fabric still smelled like her.  
Her eyes watered as she imagined herself nuzzling into her and sniffing up her scent.

Emotions came upon her like a tidal wave.  
Not knowing how Kara was and not being able to be there for her was the worst.  
She missed her.  
Lena missed her girl.

Loud sobs escaped her throat as she felt the gaping hole inside her heart.  
She was losing Kara.  
Maybe she had lost her already.  
Not knowing was ripping her apart from the inside out.

She took a last glimpse at her phone to check if she didn’t miss a buzz from a message or a call from Kara.  
Opening her chat screen with Kara showed her message had been seen, but no answer yet.

In her idle hope of the words ‘is typing’ to appear, she laid herself down clinching on to the Funshine pajamas.  
She stared at the screen for a long while.  
Whenever her phone threatened to go into sleep mode, she moved her finger to keep the light on.

 _… is typing_  
It appeared.  
Lena gasped.  
She didn’t know what to expect.  
All she wanted was to hold Kara now and keep her close.  
She wanted to fix whatever was wrong.

 _‘Get yourself comfortable. I don’t know if I can make it. But you are welcome to stay as long as you like.’_  
Lena sighed.  
At least she was alive.  
At least she didn’t ignore her.

 _… is typing_  
She held her breath.  
_‘I love you too, Cheer Bear’_

Her throat went dry.  
Of all the times she could call her Cheer Bear instead of Rainbow Bear, she picked now…  
Lena could conclude Kara did hear her message on the voice mail.

Curled around Kara’s pajamas, Lena cried herself to sleep.

\---------------------------------------

Lena woke up remembering her dream.  
Kara was there with her.  
She held her tenderly and kissed her goodnight.  
She caressed her head and sang to her until she wasn’t frightened anymore.

If only it were true...  
How she longed for a moment like that again.  
Back in Kara’s arms.  
Gazing into those sapphire blue eyes again.  
Kissing her lips again.  
Feeling her touch again.  
She missed her.  
She missed her Kara like crazy.

Lena was feeling sick.  
Sick with worry.  
Sick of waking up alone.  
Sick of not knowing.

She threw her blanket off in her rush towards the bathroom to puke her guts out.  
When she finished cleaning her face, she noticed she wasn’t wearing the same outfit she did when she came in last night.

The yellow and white met her eyes like a joyful color pallet.  
A happy yellow bear with a Sun on her tummy smiled friendly at her in the mirror.

Lena was wearing Kara’s pajamas…  
She couldn’t remember changing her outfit last night.  
She also couldn’t remember getting under the covers.

Still sick with nausea, she approached the bed again.  
The whole bed looked like it had been slept in.  
On the nightstand, she found a note.  
_‘Hey Cheer Bear! I didn’t want to wake you up. Apparently, I can change you into pajamas by singing to you. I hope you don’t mind. I stayed with you for a couple of hours. Thank you for the rest. I’ll see you soon. Love, your Funshine! P.S. take the pj’s, they look better on you -x-‘_

The thought of Kara sleeping next to her warmed her heart but broke it at the same time.  
She would have loved to wake up and feel her arms around her.  
To hold Kara close to her.

After staring at the note for a while, she managed to get herself dressed.  
She had doubts about taking the Funshine pajamas.  
They were linked to Kara’s joyful nature.  
They belonged to Kara.  
But as long as she couldn’t see Kara wear them… maybe she should hold on to them.  
Just until Kara came back from whatever she was doing.

On the kitchen counter, she found another note.  
_‘Thanks for taking the trash out. I've gotten you scones from Dublin for breakfast -X- K._

A smile formed her lips.  
That sounded like her sweet and kind Kara.  
If only she could just talk to her.  
Now she was powerless in helping her with whatever it was she was struggling with.

\--------------------------------------------

“Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick!”  
Alex greeted her with a stern look and hands on her hips.  
The mom energy she radiated warmed Lena’s heart.  
She sounded harsh, but Lena knew Alex had been worried.  
One day, she would be such an amazing mother.

“I’m sorry, Alex. Thanks for worrying, but I’m okay,” Lena answered thankfully.  
She didn’t know how to feel about her interaction with Kara.  
Kara was with her, but she never got the chance to enjoy it.  
She thought it was just a dream.  
Being so close to Kara and yet so far away was a torture to her soul.

Kelly padded Lena on the shoulder, “Well, I’m glad you’re back. Do you want breakfast?” she offered.  
Lena shook her head, “No thanks, I’ve already had some.”

“You have? … With Sam? … Lena Luthor, if you are cheating on my little sister… I swear, I will throw you out faster than your brother can-”  
“Hold your tongue right there, cowboy!” Kelly stopped Alex from finishing that sentence.  
No matter what Kara did, Alex’s soul-purpose was always to protect her little sister.  
But when Kelly intervened, she listened.

Even though Lena gets that she stands up for Kara, the accusation still hurt her.  
“I would never, Alex. I love her, you know that!” Lena defended herself with tears in her eyes.  
“I went to look for her last night. She wasn’t at her home, Alex! She hasn’t been for a long time… What is she doing, Alex?” she rambled on in self-defense, begging Alex for more information.

Alex dropped her arms.  
Her facial expression changed from stern to worry.  
Kelly had gotten back from the kitchen and taken Lena by the arm, “Come, darling. Let’s sit down and have a cup of tea,” she ushered her to the couch.  
Kelly’s calming energy soothed her mind a bit, still, Lena was trembling with all the emotions rushing through her.  
“I’m going to make us some drinks and you are going to start talking about what happened last night,” she instructed Lena, with no room to argue.  
Alex sat down next to her, “I’m sorry Lena… I know you love her… I can get overly protective if it’s about my sister.”  
Lena nodded, “I get that. And I love that about you... Kara is lucky to have a sister like you.”  
An arm was wrapped around Lena and she was pulled in for a short hug, “Thank you. You know you have me too, right?”  
Lena absently smiled.  
Her head was more with Kara than the kind words Alex just gave her.  
“What do you know about her?” she questioned.

Alex took a deep breath, “I know she doesn’t let me in either… I know she is going through something and she thinks she needs to do it on her own…”  
Every fiber in Lena’s body screamed Kara wasn’t alone and she shouldn’t try to do it on her own.  
She swallowed her words because Alex wasn’t done talking yet.  
“I know J’onn, Brainy, and I are monitoring her vitals and whereabouts…”  
“You know where she is?!” Lena concluded hopefully.  
Alex nodded, “I know she is not in danger and she is not hurt… physically that is.”  
Lena frowned her brows, “If you know where she is… We can go get her, right?”  
Kelly placed the cups on the table, “We’ve already tried... But she is stubborn.”  
Lena knew how stubborn Kara could be, she had faced that side of her before.  
“You also know where she is? Why didn’t you guys tell me? Maybe I could have done something. I want you to tell me where she is!” Lena was getting annoyed with the fact that she has been kept in the dark.  
“She doesn’t want you there, Lena!” Alex raised her voice.

Lena gasped, “But… she still loves me. She wrote it to me in a text…” her voice trembled.  
“That is exactly why she doesn’t want you there,” Kelly’s voice was soothing and understanding.  
“But…” Lena was searching for solutions.  
“She is just patrolling, Lena. Nothing to worry about,” Alex ensured her.

Kara’s physical health was the least of Lena’s concern.  
She could take a beating.  
Lena feared for her mental health.  
She feared for them together as a couple.

Why didn’t she just let Kara call her ‘girlfriend’?  
Maybe Kara would have been by her side now.  
Did she reject her?

Alex was not able to convince her.  
“What can I do?” she asked the other two women.  
The elder Danvers didn’t have to think about that answer, “Don’t give up on her! She’ll come back, I’m sure of it.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Lena was uneasy all day.  
Alex had tried to offer her distraction, while Kelly let her talk and tried to calm her nerves.  
She had told them both about her night at Kara’s place.  
They thought it was a good sign Kara still thought it was important to take care of her.

Tomorrow was her meeting with William and their lawyers.  
She needed to be well-rested for that.  
Lena was done with her marriage.  
It was just a formality to put her autograph on the divorce papers.  
She didn’t look forward to seeing William again, but she had the feeling she could handle him.  
Besides… She wasn’t alone with him.

Lena still tried to get in contact with Kara.  
But for now, she would have to do with the notes she took home and the pajama she was wearing.  
At least the fabric still smelled like her.

Focussing on tomorrow was more important now.  
After that…  
It would be all about Kara.

\------------------------------------------------------

She met her lawyer, Mrs. Burk, at the office where they would sign the papers.  
Mrs. Burk had informed her well.  
Kelly had helped her to prepare mentally for this moment.  
Lena was ready.  
She could handle this.  
Nothing could stop her from getting her divorce.  
She could do this.

Until she saw William enter the room with his lawyer.  
He looked awful.  
Nothing was left of that cheerful and kind man she once fell in love with.  
His eyes showed signs of fatigue and fear.  
He did not look healthy at all.  
William avoided Lena’s gaze.  
Instead, he seemed to be focussed on… everything.  
His eyes shot all around the office.  
At every sound, he seemed to jump.

It was not only odd to see him like this, but also very sad.  
Lena took pity on him.

While the lawyers did the talking, Lena couldn’t take her eyes off William.  
He looked trapped within himself.  
He was in full survival mode.  
His frightened reactions reminded her of herself a couple of weeks ago.  
The world seemed to be frightening him.  
What had happened to him?  
She was fascinated by his fast eye movements.  
What was wrong with him?  
The best way she could describe him right now was… paranoid.

When the lawyers spoke of the house that would be William’s, he spoke up: “NO! No house… She can have it. Or better yet, we’ll sell it. I don’t want to have anything to do with that place anymore. It’s haunted!” he seemed completely insane.  
His lawyer chuckled awkwardly, “He doesn’t mean that.”  
“Yes, I do!” he made himself clear.  
“Excuse us,” the lawyer spoke and he took William out of the office.

Lena blinked her eyes, uncertain of what was happening.  
William was far from okay.  
He has always been a down to earth kind of man, who valued the truth more than anyone she knew.  
Believing his house was haunted didn’t sound like him.

“What happens next?” Lena asked.  
“If he doesn’t want the house anymore, you can play it hard. He will be left with nothing, miss Luthor.”  
She sighed, “Seeing him like that… I doubt he is capable of keeping his job or being taken in by any landlord… He looks insane.”  
“What are your wishes, miss Luthor?” Mrs. Burk asked her.  
“I want to divorce him as soon as possible… But I don’t want him ruined.”  
Lena stared at the door where she just saw her husband leave the room.  
“He deserves a second chance at life… just not with me,” she concluded.

The duo came back.  
William was clenching his jaw and all his muscles seemed to be tensed, a sight that made Lena’s stomach turn.  
“My client wants more time to re-evaluate his demands,” his lawyer spoke.  
Lena has fixated on the fearful William again.  
She had seen the same kind of black sacks beneath the eyes before.  
His greyish skin reminded her of someone else.  
It gave her a hunch of what might be going on, but she needed more information to test her hypothesis.  
Mrs. Burk spoke, “My client wants a divorce today. She-”  
“Deal!” Lena interrupted, “let’s postpone this. We need more time.”  
Lena had decided in the blink of an eye, “please reschedule for another meeting.”

She got up and left the room.  
Mrs. Burk followed her in a hurry.  
She spoke when they were out of ear reach for the other party, “What is the meaning of this, miss Luthor?” she sounded slightly irritated.  
Lena slowed her pass, “He is right. We need more time. I will need your service again in the near future, but today was not the right moment.”  
She didn’t believe she owed her lawyer a full explanation for her choice.  
This would have to do.  
“Now if you would excuse me? I need to talk to my husband,” Lena parted ways with her lawyer.

In the lobby of the building, she waited for William to come down.

He walked right past her.  
“William, wait up!” she fastened her step to keep up with him.  
He stopped, “Lena… you shouldn’t…” he looked around, “Maybe it is out to get you too,” he whispered.

His paranoid state of mind was undeniable at this point.  
Lena crossed her arms and observed him with a quirked eyebrow.  
“Okay, I’m going to bring you home and you are going to tell me what is going on with you,” she decided for him.  
He didn’t seem to have much defense.  
Like a beaten puppy he followed her to the car where Lena’s driver was waiting for her.

She instructed her driver to bring them to their old home and put the privacy screen up.

William was a scared and broken man next to her in the backseat.  
She chose to be direct with him.  
“Don’t get me wrong, I do want a divorce as fast as possible. But if we would put our signatures beneath those papers today… you would be ruined. You don’t look okay.”  
He nervously wiggled in his seat without further response.  
Lena gave him time to speak up, but he didn’t even dare to look at her.  
Slightly annoyed she took the lead in conversation again, “Okay… You said the house was haunted… What do you mean by that?”  
He hesitated for a bit.  
With a deep breath, he prepared himself for explanation, “It started not long after I came back… Strange things happened. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but the haunting became worse every day… I know it sounds crazy, but you have to believe me, Lena. Please say you believe me!” he begged her with fear shimmering through in his eyes.

His story sounded absolutely absurd to Lena.  
She didn’t believe in the paranormal.  
There must be an explanation and Lena was determined to unravel his mystery.

Living with Kelly the last couple of weeks has taught her a few things about the human psyche.  
When watching a tv show, Kelly mentioned that you could level with delusional people by accepting their truth.  
From that point on you can guide them back to reality.  
By denying their truth they will just feel unheard and shut themselves off from you.

Lena decided to give Kelly’s theory a chance and pretend William was indeed speaking the truth.  
In his mind, the house was being haunted, even though there had to be a logical explanation.

“I believe you!” she tried to sound as convincing as possible, “Tell me how you first noticed you were being haunted,” she had to focus not to sigh or roll her eyes at the craziness of it all.

William started talking about the glass of picture-frames breaking, even if he was standing close to them, “a cold draft passed me, and then came the cracking noise of the glass. Exactly like all the ghost stories describe. The sudden cold is a sign of a ghostly presence.”  
Lena squinted her eyes, “What kind of pictures were in those broken frames?”  
William swallowed and knitted his brows, “only the pictures of you and me.”  
“You still have all our pictures up?” she was caught off guard.  
“W… Well yes. You might be done with me… and I can respect that… But I still love you! If it was up to me, we wouldn’t get that divorce. I would work on myself and get better until I’m good enough for you again…”  
He sounded sincere and it made the hairs in Lena’s neck stand up.

“William… You know I’m in love with someone else,” Lena didn’t understand why he would prefer to stay married to a woman who loved another.  
“I have thought about that…” hope sounded in his voice, “I mean… Kara is a great girl! At least… She used to be... I don’t think she likes me that much at the moment…” he wondered out loud, “If it makes you happy, you can have both of us. I’d rather share you than not have you at all.”  
Confused by his confession, Lena just stared at him in terror.  
She had to wrap her mind around what he was suggesting.  
“That sounded desperate, didn’t it?” his hope seemed to fade.  
“Yes, it does!” Lena nodded, “Besides… We are not going to work anymore. Not with anyone else. There is no you and me anymore. No concessions!”  
He looked away from her.  
Maybe she was too hard on him.  
She didn’t mean to break him.  
But, apparently, she needed to make that clear to him.

“Uhm… Sorry… I didn’t mean to sound so harsh…” She wanted to get back to the original point of her conversation, hoping she didn’t scare him off.  
“You were talking about the cracked pictures… Anything else?” she changed her tone and was able to make herself sound intrigued again.  
“Well… my head on the wedding canvas burned…” he mumbled.  
“You burned?” Lena could picture it and she was horrified.  
“Yes, I burned!” he sounded irritated, “I took a shower and when I came back, my face was on fire…”  
“Hmm…” Lena was gathering her pieces of the puzzle, “how was my face?” she asked.  
William fumbled with his shirt, “untouched!” He confirmed her hypothesis, making the picture clearer to Lena.

“Anything else?” she questioned.  
He sighed, “crazy things also happen at night. Sometimes, when I’m asleep, the shower starts running in the middle of the night. The door will be locked, but as soon as it opens-”  
“The cold breeze?”  
“Yeah… That’s the ghost.”  
Lena could feel a slight relief of the knowledge that her ghost showered and kept track of personal hygiene.  
“And two nights ago, I was locked inside my bedroom. I couldn’t get out. It was locked from the outside… Lena, the cold… So much cold came from that door. It must have been the ghost energy.”

Lena had to oppress her smile.  
She was pretty sure what was going on.  
William’s ghost had to be somewhere else that night...  
With finally getting what was going on, she let out a sigh of relief.

“You think this is funny?” William flipped to his angry side.  
“No! No… It’s just… I think I can perform an exorcism to get rid of this ghost of yours,” she assured him.  
A shivering cold shot through Lena’s spine.  
For a second her body prepared for impact.  
He seemed to lose some of his tension.  
This gave her the courage to question more.  
She knew how things were going back home, but she was wondering about the rest of his day.

“How is work going?” She had to know how his ghost was handling that situation.  
Besides... if he was still doing good on his job, he could at least take care of himself after the divorce.  
“Fine,” his voice skipped.  
“William… tell me the truth,” she insisted.  
“You are not going to like it!” he warned her.  
Lena already had an idea what this was about, “tell me anyway.”  
He seemed to have trouble finding the right words.  
“Well… Kara is making sure she does a lot of assignments with me. She doesn’t even care about the by-line. She barely talks and just stares at me… She follows me… And sometimes she argues my point of view in front of the entire staff… My articles are suffering from it all. In the last few weeks, I got to do some fact-checking and copy work… I am flunking bad, Lena,” he seemed to be seriously worried about his job.

The fact that Kara pays more attention to him than her own job worried her.  
She wasn’t taking care of herself.  
Not even at work.  
Being a reporter was important to her.  
It was a part of who she was.  
And she was losing a part of herself to him.

This was a serious reason to worry.  
She had gathered enough pieces of the puzzle to get the picture.  
Enough to know she had to take action fast.  
How, was the biggest question.

She would just have to try.  
It was time for Lena to fight for Kara’s soul.  
By all means necessary!

\---------------------------------

They arrived at the apartment building.  
“You can go sit in the lobby and drink coffee or something. In about a half-hour you can go home! There is a chance you won’t see me again. Now, give me your keys, I will leave the door open for you,” she ordered him.  
His eyes grew wide with worry, “Not see you again? Lena, don’t do anything stupid. I can help you-”  
“Don’t be so dramatic!” she cut him off, “I not going to kill myself! I will just leave through another exit.”  
Hesitantly he handed the keys over, “Be careful. I don’t know what the ghost will do to you.”  
Lena smirked cocky, “That ghost won’t hurt me!” she ensured him.

When she closed the door to the apartment behind her, she had to lure the ghost out.  
Lena was sure of herself and she was willing to go to extremes to save William’s ghost.

This had nothing to do with him.  
She didn’t care enough about his well being.  
He was acting crazy, but he wasn’t half as far gone as her Kara.

In a straight line, she walked from the entrance to the balcony, only making a slight detour to grab a dining chair.  
With force, she pushed the door open.  
A loud bang was heard when she dropped the chair down.  
Adrenaline rushed through her body for what she was about to do.

In a fluid motion, she was climbing on the chair.  
Without any hesitation, she put her next foot on the rail of the balcony.  
Her momentum brought her on the edge easily.  
A breath of air brushed her skin.  
She didn’t give herself time for doubt.  
She screamed, “Kara!”  
And she jumped.

She trusted Kara to catch her!

The wind was blowing through her hair.  
The sound of her speed was deafening.  
She was going head first down.  
Like wings, Lena spread her arms.

The pavement was coming for her.  
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

She closed her eyes, just in case… 

An impact in her midsection took her breath away.  
“I’ve got you!” her favorite voice sounded like an Angel was soothing her with words.  
She had to admit, she was scared there for a second.  
Her arms were curled around Supergirl and she pressed herself tightly against her to regain her breath.  
“What happened? … Lena, talk to me!” Kara sounded worried, almost in panic even.  
Lena was not capable of talking yet.  
She didn’t count on the adrenaline to hit this badly.  
What a rush…

“I swear, if he did something to you I’m going to-” Kara’s voice changed into a rage.  
“Are you out of your mind?!” Lena smacked Kara’s forehead, cutting off her words.  
Kara looked at her confused, “Me? I just prevented you from turning into jelly on the sidewalk!”  
“You are stalking him!” Lena concluded, ignoring Kara’s comment completely.  
“I’m not stalking him! I am keeping an eye on him!” Even though her words were angry, the grip she held on Lena was still tender.

“You know what… We are not doing this here! Bring me to your house, Kara. We need to talk!” The adrenaline rushing through Lena’s blood made her communication short and harsh.  
Kara pressed her lips together but flew her there anyway.  
Along with the flight, she didn’t say a word.

Supergirl put Lena down gently in her living room.  
“What happened back there?” Kara was high in her emotion, “I thought he was downstairs in the lobby. How could I have missed him throwing you off the balcony?”  
Her eyes were big like she was close to a panic attack.

Lena’s first rush of her dive was flowing away.  
Her emotions were less overwhelming.  
She slowly became aware of Kara’s state of mind.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I am so sorry. I should have paid more attention. I don’t know how I could have missed that,” Kara was trembling.  
She seemed to be blaming herself.  
Lena could not let Kara blame herself.

Kara was looking scared and vulnerable.  
Every fiber in Lena’s being ordered her to hold her.  
She wasn’t about to fight that urge.  
It was time to keep her safe.  
It was time to take care of Kara.  
Kara was needing it more than she did.

She approached her without speaking a word.  
Her arms wrapped around Kara’s ribs and pressed herself close against her.  
Hands flattened against her shoulder blades.  
Lena lay her head to rest at Kara’s shoulder.  
Supergirl was tensed all over.  
Her muscles were solid as steel.  
She smelled like air.  
It was the scent she got when she spent a lot of time up in the sky.  
Her skin was feeling cold instead of the usual warmth she radiated.  
Lena was taking every sense in.  
She patiently held her, until Kara was ready to accept the touch.

Finally, Kara leaned into her.  
She wrapped her arms around her neck and rested her head against Lena’s.  
They stood like that for a while.  
Maybe ten minutes.  
Maybe longer.  
Lena thought Kara needed it more than her…  
But now, she wasn’t so certain anymore.  
It was so nice to be back in her arms again.  
She could hold Kara forever if she had to.

“He didn’t throw me. You did not miss anything… I jumped,” Lena confessed softly.  
Kara created some distance to look Lena in her eyes, “You did what?”

“I knew you were there and I trusted you to catch me,” Lena explained as calmly as possible.  
Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times without making a sound until she stammered, “What if I didn’t?”  
“Not an option!” Lena deadpanned.

“Why did you do that?” her face showed terror.  
“I needed to get your attention,” Lena explained shortly.  
“You could have just called!” Kara stepped away from Lena.  
Her face betrayed frustration.  
“I tried so many times!” Lena frowned her brows.  
She did try, but it had been hard to get in contact with Kara.

Kara swallowed and shook her head, “I don’t have time for this. I need to go.”  
“And do what Kara?” Lena knew she would go after William again.  
The blonde ignored her words and flew out of the window.

Lena didn’t hesitate.  
Not even a second.  
She pressed the button on her watch and jumped after her.  
Out of the window.  
Down again.

Kara caught her, again.  
“Lena, what the fudge…” she put her down inside her apartment again, “Stop jumping!” she shouted desperately.  
“Stop running away!” Lena bit back.  
“I will keep on jumping until we have talked. That gives you two options: Talk with me or let me smash to death. I would like it if you’d pick the first option,” Lena explained the ultimatum.

Kara dropped her arms and lolled her head backward in frustration, “Fine!” The protest was audible in her tone.

Lena pointed at Kara’s Supersuit, “You’d better get comfortable, I’ve got the feeling we will be here for a while.”  
Kara squinted her eyes at Lena.  
She seemed restless.  
Like she didn’t give in to talking with Lena yet.  
She looked like she was ready to fly off any second now.  
And Lena was prepared to jump again.

Lena quirked her eyebrow as a secret weapon in their staring contest.  
It worked like a charm.  
Kara sighed and released the tension in her shoulders.  
She changed into casual clothes and showed them to Lena like she was saying, ‘are you happy now?’

Kara appeared to have given up on getting out of this conversation.  
She seemed to accept her defeat.

The change in Kara’s body language was a relief to Lena.  
She took Kara’s hand and guided her over to the couch.  
“I would offer you something to drink, but everything you had was expired. A glass of water maybe?” she sat Kara down.  
The blonde nodded slowly.  
“Good! Now relax, I will be right back,” Lena kissed Kara’s cheek tenderly. 

When Lena got back, Kara was nervously fumbling with her hands.  
Lena sat down and took the sight of her in.  
It was frightening to see the strong and cheerful so uneasy and stressed.

She had her girl with her…  
But now what?  
Lena didn’t have Kelly’s gift for making people talk.  
She was just… Lena.

Kara didn’t look like she was just going to pour her heart out.  
This would take effort and patience.  
Patience was something Lena could have.  
It took her this long to get Kara to sit with her if it would take her just as long to get her to talk she was up for it.

“I missed you,” she spoke from her heart.  
Kara looked at her skeptical, “I don’t have time for this! I have a city to protect.”  
That was a lie and Lena knew it.  
“The city has been doing fine without you for the last couple of weeks. It will survive another day without you,” Lena reacted calmly but strict.  
“Don’t lie to me, Kara. We have passed that.”  
Kara scoffed as she turned her head away from Lena.  
It was clear a lot was going on inside her mind she wasn’t talking about.

Lena searched her mind for ways to get Kara to open up.  
If she chooses to be direct with her, she might shut down.  
If she doesn’t…  
Maybe not being direct was the best option for now.

“When you stayed with me two nights ago… I thought I was dreaming when I heard you sing to me and when I could feel you wrapped around me…” if Kara didn’t open up, Lena would.  
She looked down and fidgeted with her fingers, “I was sad when I found out it wasn’t a dream…”  
Kara looked up with big fearful eyes.  
“I wish I had woken up… so I could truly enjoy your company,” Lena could feel her face heat up, “I wanted to wrap my arms around you… I have missed you so much.”  
The blonde knitted her brows.

Lena decided to continue as long as Kara didn’t show any sign of a possible verbal reaction.  
If Kara gave her nothing, she was going to give Kara everything.  
She could at least tell Kara how she felt.

“I have missed your smile… I have missed your touch… Your laugh… The way you make me feel loved-”  
“Stop it!” Kara harshly cut her off.  
Lena didn’t see a reaction like this coming, but at least it was a reaction.  
“You talk about not lying and yet you lie to me!” tears welled up in Kara’s eyes.  
The brunette was confused.  
She had no clue what Kara would consider a lie.  
In confusion, she shook her head.  
“You say that you missed me and yet you didn’t want me around!” she cried out.

How she got that idea was a mystery to her.  
Lena shifted in her seat to fully face Kara.  
She wanted to hug that crazy thought out of her head.  
Instead, she asked, “What makes you think that?”

Kara sobbed.  
She looked like a little girl who had just lost her mommy.  
Scared, small, insecure, and alone.

Lena scooted towards her to provide her with all the comfort she could give.  
She caressed her cheek with the backside of her fingers.  
“Hey… If I ever gave you the idea I didn’t want you around, I must have expressed myself clumsily. I never wanted you to back away from me.”  
“That is literally what you said… I needed to back off because I was suffocating you.”

Lena tried to find the memory of that moment.  
She realized it happened when she just moved in with Kelly and Alex.  
She did use those words.  
Her head was so overwhelmed at the time that she needed to be alone, but Kara followed her everywhere, even to the toilet.  
Lena squinted her eyes shut in realization.  
She knew why she said it, but it’s not weird Kara took it that hard.

Kara continued before Lena found the proper words to react, “So, I took my distance… You rejected me like he said you would,” she sniffed.  
“Wait… Who said I would reject you? Because that’s not what I did. I never wanted to reject you…” Lena rambled in defense, “Who, Kara?”

A tear rolled down her cheek as Kara looked deep into Lena’s eyes.  
Lena didn’t like to see Kara cry at all, but the color of her eyes was hauntingly beautiful when they were filled with tears.  
Without looking away, Kara took her phone out.  
“You never listened to the voice message he sent me…” she explained.  
Finally tearing her eyes away, she looked for the voice mail William had left her.  
Without saying a word Kara pressed play.

 _"Kara, I know you are keeping her away from me. Don’t bother. You are just a fling. An exciting new toy to try. You won’t last. She will grow tired of you. Why would she suddenly be into girls, when she has always been with men. You are just a phase, Kara. Soon, she will reject you and come crawling back to me. So, give up! Let her go!”_  
He sounded angry.  
He must have called Kara after the messages he left Lena.

“Oh, Kara…” Lena sighed, “and you listened to this... alone.”  
There was no judgment in her voice.  
Kara went through this alone, while she shouldn’t have to.  
She must have felt so bad.  
“And you rejected me within a week,” her voice trembled, “at first I thought he was just trying to get to me… But his words were stuck in my head.”  
“And they became bigger after time,” Lena concluded.

That explained a part of Kara’s odd behavior.  
At least Lena knew one thing she had to do.  
She had to convince Kara…  
“Darling, listen to me,” she took Kara’s face between her hands and made her look at her, “You were never a phase. Do you hear me? It has always been you and it will always be you for me!”  
With her thumbs, she wiped away the flowing tears of the broken woman.  
“I was in a very bad place when I told you to back off. I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I didn’t want you out of my life, Kara… not at all! I was so overwhelmed with everything that was happening to me… I needed time alone, but it had nothing to do with you. Okay?” she slightly shook Kara.  
She seemed to calm down a bit.  
Lena bit her lip, “Can I hold you, please?” she begged.  
Without answering Kara let herself fall against Lena.

She held her tight.  
As if she wanted to let Kara know, she would never let her go.  
Kara rested her head against Lena’s chest.  
“You let him get to your head, my love. I will never get back with him and I am not planning on letting you go.”  
Lena buried her nose in blond hair and kissed the scalp beneath.

“You also didn’t want to move in with me…” Kara’s voice cracked.  
“Oh, sweetheart… I wasn’t in the right place at the time-”  
“I know… I know…” Kara interrupted her softly, “It still bothered me.”  
Lena rubbed her cheek against Kara’s hair, “I’m sorry, I made you feel that way.”  
Kara lifted her head to lock her eyes with the ocean green’s of Lena, “Are you now?” she asked.  
“Am I what now?” Lena asked for clarification.  
One corner of Kara’s mouth lifted hopeful, “In the right place to move in with me?”

Lena knew she wasn’t there yet.  
She also had her doubts about Kara’s state of mind at the moment.

“I have an idea… What if we start dating? You know… Like normal people would start their relationship… I can sleepover at your place and we can see where it goes from there.”  
Kara paused for a moment before she nodded, “Yeah… okay. I would like to date you,” she smiled shyly.  
“Good… I would like to date you as well.”  
Lena pecked Kara’s lips.  
She had trouble pulling back.  
Like strong magnets, they were drawn together.  
By lingering that close she could still brush her lips and feel her breath.  
Her mouth seemed to be having a mind of its own and it wanted to taste Kara.  
So it did.  
Tenderly.  
Gently.  
Hot.  
Caring.  
And lovingly…

“I missed this too,” she whispered against Kara’s lips.  
A blush appeared on Kara’s cheeks.  
Both women could smile again.  
“Are we good?” Lena asked Kara.  
With a goofy smile, Kara sighed, “Yeah… We’re good.”

Kara ended up with her head resting in Lena’s lap, while Lena was playing with her hair.  
They talked about why Kara distanced herself from Lena.  
She had hoped to be able to protect her heart.  
Caring for Lena while she was asleep didn’t feel that confronting.  
Like she could let her heart speak without the fear of it being broken.

Lena was still wondering about Kara’s absence as Supergirl and what she had been doing to William.  
She knew she had to bring it up.  
She knew they needed to talk about it.  
But she wanted to enjoy this soft moment with Kara for a while longer.  
It was like time stood still.

Kara seemed to be distracted.  
She touched Lena’s abdomen with her fingertips, making her muscles contract.  
The blonde smiled and kissed Lena’s tummy before she nuzzled her cheek against her belly.  
Kara’s whole body seemed to be loosening up, while Lena was massaging her scalp gently.

“Kara…” she hesitated, but she knew they would have to go through this, “I’m worried about you.”  
The blonde looked up at her, “You don’t have to be,” she took one of Lena’s hands in hers, “I’m Supergirl, remember!” she smiled.  
Lena chuckled uncomfortably, “Yes you are… And people in the city are wondering where Supergirl is… That doesn’t sound like you.”  
Kara closed her eyes for a moment.  
She swallowed thick, “I…” she sat up and rested her elbows on her knees, “There was something important I had to do…” she turned her head away from Lena in shame.  
Lena scooted over and placed a comforting hand on her back.  
“You were following William,” Lena concluded.  
Kara dropped her head between her shoulders, “Yes…” she confessed.  
“But why?” Lena asked softly.

Kara was shutting down.  
She shook her head and sighed as her only response.  
Lena let her hand travel up Kara’s spine until her fingers tickled her neck.

“You can talk, Kara. You promised me we were in this together… That goes both ways.”  
Lena curled her fingers in Kara’s blonde curls, massaging her scalp gently.  
Kara’s started trembling, “I wanted to protect you… I should have protected you! Yet, he was able to hurt you! I wanted to stay close to you, to keep you safe from harm… But you wouldn’t let me…”  
“So, instead you focussed on keeping him away from me,” Lena finished her sentence, “That is totally insane… But I get why you did it,” she had to admit.  
Kara nodded, “He makes me so angry!” she spoke between gritted teeth.  
“There was nothing I could do to protect you. I saw your struggle. I could feel how hurt you were and there was nothing I could do to ease your pain. I can’t punch my way out of this. I feel so… so… powerless.”  
Kara broke down crying.  
Lena got down on her knees before Kara and pulled her head to her shoulder, to keep her close.  
“There it is…” Lena sighed, thankful for Kara’s honesty.  
Kara let herself slide off the couch in Lena’s arms.  
With a thud, her knees hit the floor.  
Lena was able to pull her even closer against her to let Kara sink into her.  
Kara poured her heart out on her shoulder.

When the sobbing evened out, Kara lifted her head.  
She tried to dry her tears with the back of her hand.

“Rao, I feel so useless,” she mumbled.  
“Do humans feel like this all the time?” Kara pouted.  
Lena chuckled, “Do you think I’m useless, Funshine?” she playfully draped her arms over Kara’s shoulders.  
“What? No, I didn’t mean that. You have your brain, and your kindness, and your good heart, and care and…”  
“Exactly!” Lena cut her off.  
“And so do you!” she started playing with a blond curl.  
Kara looked confused, “I don’t have any of that, Lena. I have my powers to save others.”  
Lena bit her lip, thinking of a way to make it clear to Kara she’s not useless to her.

“Come… stand up,” she pulled Kara off the ground to make her face her.  
She took Kara’s hands and placed them behind her lower back, “Your arms…” Kara seemed lost but she flattened her palms on Lena on instinct.  
“Keep me safe.”  
Lena searched Kara’s face for more ways to show her how important she was without her powers.  
Her eyes lingered on her next target.  
She placed her finger at Kara’s lips, “This mouth,” she gently pulled down her lower lip, “sang to me when I was afraid.”  
Kara blushed and treated Lena on a crooked smile.  
“That smile,” Lena automatically smiled back at her, “makes me smile.”  
She leaned in, “Those lips,” Lena kissed her soft and tender, “make me feel like a teenager again.”  
Kara giggled as Lena started playing with her ears.  
“These ears,” she pulled them playfully, “listen to me when I ramble.”  
The blonde scrunched her nose and smiled so wide her eyes nearly shut.  
“This nose,” Lena touched it with her finger, “sniffs my neck and makes me feel so wanted,” Lena’s voice dropped.  
Kara wiggled her eyebrows playfully, “Really?”  
Heat rose till Lena’s cheekbones, “Yes,” she giggled.  
A nose found its way just behind her ear and sniffed, “Like this?”  
Lena squealed with laughter.  
“But you smell so good,” Kara jokes, placing a kiss behind her ear.  
She had to gasp for air as her body got heated by Kara’s touch.  
Lena had to create just a little distance between them to finish her point.  
Their foreheads rested against each other and they held hands in front of their chests.  
“Where was I?” Lena cleared her throat.  
“These hands,” she brought them up to her lips and kissed Kara’s fingers, “wipe away my tears when I’m sad.”  
Kara gave Lena a dreamy look.  
“Your eyes… Oh God, your eyes, Kara… I could drown in your eyes. The way your eyes look at me… You make me feel special… feel wanted… feel needed… and feel loved. I can see my future in your eyes.”  
Kara’s face turned into a warm shade of pink as her eyes twinkled with adoration.  
“Supergirl might be the world-saving Kryptonian…” she cupped Kara’s face between both her hands, “but it’s the human in you who heals my soul.”  
She kissed Kara with all the love she was able to give her.

\----------------------------------------------------

Even though the two couldn’t wait to go on their first date, they decided to stay in to fully enjoy each other’s company.  
Lena insisted on taking care of the exhausted Kryptonian for the rest of the day.

Kara was thankful for the pile of pizza Lena ordered for her.  
She had admitted that she didn’t particularly take good care of herself in the last few weeks.  
For an alien with an appetite like hers, she has been torturing herself with eating just small meals in between.  
Most of the food she had consumed was stolen from William's plate when he wasn’t paying attention.

Lena wondered, “Why did you torture him so much?”  
Kara was inhaling her pizza, but took the time to answer right away, “I wanfet im gowne,” she swallowed the piece of food, “I was this close to making him move back to England.”  
Her thumb and index finger were the slightest bit of air apart.

Lena smiled.  
Not for what Kara did to William.  
But because of the sight of Kara enjoying her meal.  
She hadn’t seen Kara be so much Kara in a long while.

“Gosh, I missed you,” she spoke her thoughts out loud.  
“Yew fwow ifs nowt powitf tfo sfaaw”  
“You know it’s not polite to speak with your mouth full!” Lena chuckled.  
Right now she didn’t care about politeness.  
Kara could talk with her mouth full as much as she wanted.  
Lena could stare at her as much as she wanted.  
Everything was prohibited.  
She had her Kara back.

Lena was sitting on the other end of the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest.  
Her heart fluttered at the sight of her favorite blonde.  
She had changed into a more comfortable outfit than the formal wear from earlier that day.

“You know… it was never about him, Kara. It has always been you and me,” Lena’s mind wandered off while getting lost in the beauty next to her with pizza grease smeared all over her face.  
“What do you mean?” she asked between bites.  
“Everything… I married him because I thought you were out of the question. You followed him because you wanted to take care of me... “  
With a questioned look Kara stopped her chewing.  
“Can we please, please… leave him out of our life from now on? After the divorce, he will be nothing but history,” Lena lay her head to rest at the backside of the couch, not keeping her eyes away from Kara.  
“Well… He will still be my coworker,” Kara frowned her brows.  
Lena sat up straight, “Yes, about that. Focus on your own work and let him do his part.”  
Kara smiled, “Gladly.”  
Lena chuckled, “It makes me happy to see you smile again.”  
She leaned over, resting on her knees and placing her hands at the arm and backrest besides Kara, to kiss her at the corner of her mouth.  
Lena licked her lips, “Hmm, salami.”  
“You want a piece of this?” Kara offered.  
“The pizza or you?”  
“I was referring to the pizza, you can have me later,” she laughed with joy in her eyes.  
Lena’s heart warmed at the sound of her laughter.  
“I would like both, please,” without a warning she took a bite from the slice Kara was holding close to their mouths.  
Kara’s jaw dropped, “Did you just take a bite from my food?”  
“You can punish me later,” Lena took the whole slice from Kara’s hand with a mischievous grin.  
Kara was too stunned to react.

While Kara was in the shower Lena needed to make a few phone calls.  
The first call was with Alex, “I’ve got her back!” was her cheerful response to Alex picking up.  
She told her she was staying with Kara tonight and would probably return tomorrow.  
_“You know she can hear you talking to me?"_ Alex asked her.  
“That’s alright. She can hear me say to you how much I love your little sister,” Lena teased.  
Alex made a barfing sound, _“Get a room!”_  
“That’s exactly why I'm staying here,” She enjoyed this conversation way too much.  
_“Hanging up now!”_ Alex broke the connection, making Lena chuckle.

Her next call would have a totally different load to it.  
“Hey, William. I got rid of your ghost,” she informed him, trying her best not to mock him.  
_“I don’t know how you did it, but I already noticed the difference. Thank you."_  
“You’re welcome.”  
_“What can I do to repay you?”_  
This was exactly what she hoped he would say, “Call your lawyer, take the house, take better care of yourself, become a better man and deforce me asap!” she smirked while sounding stern.  
_“I… I will,”_ he sounded disappointed, but his tone didn’t affect Lena anymore, she had promised herself to focus on Kara and her.  
“Good… Take care, William,” she ended the call before he could respond.  
With a sigh, she stared at her phone, “I’m sorry, William,” she whispered.

Kara was taking a long time in the shower.  
It could only make Lena wonder what she was doing there.  
Was she just enjoying her shower?  
Was she sad?  
Was she tired?  
Her mind pictured her with her eyes closed, letting the water purify her body…

Lena stretched herself.  
She had to do without Kara for way too long.  
She had missed her.  
Every inch of her has missed her.

The sound of the water that stopped running drew Lena’s attention.  
Her longing lured her to the bathroom door.  
“Come in,” she heard Kara say even before she had the chance to knock.  
Kara had left the door unlocked for Lena to enter.

She was bending over drying her hair, with a towel wrapped around her torso, as Lena came in.  
“Looks like I’m a few seconds late,” Lena joked as she appreciated the beauty in front of her.  
Kara smiled shyly, “You are never too late, Rainbow Bear,” her eyes twinkled as she glanced at Lena through her wet locks of hair.  
Lena’s heart might have skipped a beat.  
She bit her lip as she let her eyes glide over Kara’s body.  
Kara flipped her hair to the side, so her face was free to connect with Lena.  
She put her hands on the sink in front of her and leaned forward.  
“Do you like what you see?” she smirked.  
A lustful moan escaped Lena’s lips.  
Lena didn’t even bother to answer her.  
She put a few steps forward to close in on Kara.  
Lena rested her front against Kara’s back, folding herself around her.  
Through the mirror, she looked Kara in the eyes, “You are gorgeous,” she kissed her neck as her arms wrapped themselves around the blonde.  
“You are getting yourself wet,” Kara teased while leaning into the touch.

This woman was turning Lena’s brain into jelly.  
Her body was on fire.

She leaned over, pressing Kara against the sink, “That is exactly the point,” she breathed in Kara’s ear, nibbling her earlobe.  
With a moan Kara dropped her head backward, giving Lena full access to her neck.  
Her lips explored the skin that had just been presented to her.  
Kara guided her hands to the border where fabric and skin were divided.  
As Lena started fumbling to get rid of the obstruction, Kara turned in her arms, making the towel fall on the floor and exposing her bare backside to the mirror image.

Before Lena was done gasping at the angelic beauty, Kara had filled her mouth with lust.  
Lena closed her eyes to enhance her other senses.  
Her fingertips explored the wet skin underneath her touch.  
The passionate kiss Kara shared with her made her lightheaded.  
Their lips parted for a moment.  
“I think I might need a shower as well,” Lena said breathily.  
“Maybe you do,” Kara confirmed with a cocky grin.  
Lena’s hands left Kara’s body for a short moment to undo herself of her shirt.

“Wait!” Kara stopped her from undressing further.  
She placed her palm gently on the skin that used to be colored with hurt.  
“Are you sure you are okay?” she asked, eying lower on Lena’s torso.

Sweet and careful Kara...  
Don’t you dare to back out now!  
“I am so ready!” Lena went in for another kiss.

Kara parted too soon for Lena’s taste.  
“I’m serious. Did Alex check you up lately?” she sounded concerned.

Lena got agitated.  
“I swear to you Kara, I’m fine. But if you do not take me in that shower right now-”  
“Promise me, you will get checked tomorrow!” she insisted.  
“Promise me, you will be mine all night long!” Lena attacked Kara’s neck with her hungry mouth, while her hands squeezed two beautifully shaped buttcheeks.  
But Kara did not react to Lena’s advances.  
“Okay, fine!” Lena grunted frustrated resting her forehead at Kara’s shoulder, “I promise.”  
Kara lifted Lena’s chin and looked into her eyes, “Thank you,” she said.  
Her eyes were twinkling with love.  
All of Lena’s irritation from a moment ago disappeared.  
She could only melt into those hauntingly sweet eyes.  
A smile formed her lips while hands traveled up her back, unclasping her bra.

“I missed you too, Lena Luthor!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeey!  
> Lena's got her Funshine back!
> 
> I hope you liked this rollercoaster ride.  
> Leave a comment if you want, it always makes me smile.


	13. Baby, be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena had to promise Kara to get a medical check-up by Alex.  
> When she finds out why she is stunned.  
> This revelation brings up a lot of different emotions and reactions.  
> Some might need more time to process than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff and angst coming right up.  
> Hope and denial...  
> Self-hate and love...  
> A bit of girl-talk among the way.  
> Enjoy this rollercoaster.

The morning sun broke through the smallest opening in the curtain, leaving a golden glow on the blond hair of the resting Kryptonian.  
At the entrance stood a smiling lady with ocean green eyes, admiring the sleeping beauty from a distance.  
The sight of her resting love made the butterflies in her stomach go wild.  
The amount of luck she felt made her cry of happiness.  
A tear traced her facial feature through her dimples of joy.  
It was okay for the drop to wet her face as it was a shimmering of love and happiness.  
It was the kind of tear any other Luthor would not be able to shed.  
But she was able to.  
For she was Lena Luthor.  
The Luthor that fell in love with a Kryptonian.  
The only one loved by Kara Zor-El, or as she was better known on this Earth: Kara Danvers.

“I can feel you staring, my love. Come back to bed and cuddle me!” Kara whined.  
She rolled on her back and spread her arm for Lena to rest her head on her shoulder.  
Lena chuckled, “Gladly.”  
She curled herself against the blonde.  
Kara’s arms wrapped themselves warm and lovingly around her.  
“Are you alright?” Kara asked softly.  
“My stomach is just a little upset… But I’m in your arms now, so everything will be fine,” Lena answered with an indelible smile.  
“You want me to kiss it better?” Kara offered.

Lena couldn’t determine if she was being serious or if she was just joking.  
The offer was sweet nonetheless.   
With a giggle, Lena rolled on her back.

“I didn’t know healing with kisses was one of your Superpowers,” she joked.  
Lena lifted her head to give Kara room to pull her arm from under her head.  
“It’s not… But I’m sure my kisses will make you feel better,” Kara scrunched her nose.  
“Prove it!” Lena dared her.  
The soft Kryptonian’s mouth met hers, “You have brushed your teeth,” Kara concluded as she licked her own lips.  
“Just shut up and kiss me! I’m in pain, you need to heal me, Supergirl,” Lena teased theatrically.  
She wrapped her arms around the woman next to her and tried to pull her on top.

Feeling that solid body on her was what she longed for.  
Damn Kara’s tenderness, who prevented herself from putting her full body weight on top of Lena.

Lena’s eyes rolled up in frustration.  
“Come on Kara, I just want to feel you... Don’t hold back!” she grunted.  
She couldn’t stay annoyed for long when two beautiful sapphire eyes were piercing her soul with so much love.  
Fingertips explored the lines of her jaw, “No darling, I’m too heavy for you,” she whispered sweetly.  
“I was about to kiss your tummy better,” Kara beamed.  
She pecked Lena’s lips once more before traveling down her body.  
Kara hopped herself off Lena.  
Her eyes traveled to her abdomen, “So… your belly is bothering you?” when her eyes connected with Lena’s, the corner of her mouth curled up.  
Feather-light touched tickled Lena’s skin, making her muscles contract.  
Lena giggled.  
Her fingers played with blonde curls.

Kara kissed Lena below her belly button with a lot of care.  
The way she looked at Lena’s stomach for a while was endearing to Lena.  
She didn’t know why, but it felt like there was so much love and tenderness hidden in the way Kara was staring.  
Like the greatest treasure in the world had just presented itself to her.  
Her abdomen was covered in kisses again before Kara nuzzled her cheek against it.  
Lena looked down into Kara’s eyes.  
“Are you okay, Funshine?” Lena wondered.  
“Yeah…” she sounded doubtful, “I just want you to get checked by Alex today, okay?”  
Lena sighed.

She didn’t see the necessity of visiting doctor Danvers.  
Her bruises had healed.  
She rarely felt the pain in her ribs.  
But Kara seemed worried.  
She was so persistent she would get checked…  
If she would let herself get checked… she was the only reason why.

“I promise you, Kara: I feel fine!”  
“You just threw up-”  
“But I will call Alex today if it makes you feel better,” she interrupted Kara before she could start lecturing her.

Kara sighed with relief.  
“I want to come with you if you don’t mind.”  
Nothing was controlling or obsessive about her offer.  
She sounded genuinely caring.

Lena giggled, “Don’t make such a big deal out of it. But if you insist, you can come along.”  
“Great,” Kara smiled.  
She rolled back next to Lena with her head on her pillow.  
“But you stay outside when I get examined,” Lena made her boundaries clear.  
“Wha… I…” Kara stammered, “Yeah, okay,” she agreed upon.

“Lena? I am still pretty tired… do you mind if I go back to sleep?” Kara sounded so small.  
Lena wasn’t surprised.  
Kara had been so exhausted, she definitely needed more rest to feel okay again.  
She shook her head, “Not at all… Turn around, I want to hold you.”  
The fragile blonde smiled and kissed her again, “Thank you.”

The way Kara had been acting towards William scared Lena.  
She knew it was all the intention to protect her…  
But the way she did it was troublesome.  
Kara was feeling irrational guilt for what happened to Lena.  
She had been bottling up a lot of anger.  
And she mentally abused William to the point he thought he was going insane.

“Kara?” she whispered against her neck.  
“Hmm?” came a sleepy answer.  
“If I go to Alex for a check-up… Will you please go talk to Kelly?” she nearly begged.  
“I talk with Kelly, she’s going to be my sister in law,” she mumbled.  
“No darling… professionally,” she made herself clear.  
“Why?” Kara sighed.  
“Because I am worried about you like you are worried about me.”  
Kara looked over her shoulder.  
Lena pressed herself up on her elbow to meet her gaze.  
“Will you go with me?” this Supergirl sounded vulnerable.  
A smile formed Lena’s lips.  
“I will go with you,” she kissed Kara’s cheek.

\----------------------------------------------

“So, for the record… You don’t have any complaints about your health? You feel good? Any pains? Any soreness?” Alex was checking off a list with Lena before the examination.  
“A bit sore, but you don’t want to know about that,” Lena smirked.  
Alex sighed annoyed, “You are right, I don’t want to know!”  
She continued with the questions in search of a possible physical problem.  
“So… You threw up this morning, but you feel fine now. Other than that you have no idea why I should check your health?” Alex summed up.  
Lena nodded, “That’s correct.”  
Alex sighed, “My sister sent you, didn’t she?”  
“That is correct,” Lena repeated with a shrug of her shoulders.  
“Well, I’m glad she’s back to worry about your fragile little ass again,” Alex deadpanned sarcastically.  
Theatrically Lena dropped her jaw and placed her hand on her chest, “Are you looking at my ass Danvers?!”  
“Shut up, Luthor! And lay down so I can roll you into the scanner,” Alex smirked.

Lena was still smiling when she climbed on the stretcher.   
As she lay herself down she suddenly became nervous.  
What if Alex finds something?  
Why did Kara insist so strongly on her getting a medical check-up?  
Did Kara know something?  
Did one of her Super senses pick something up she wasn’t aware of?   
It couldn’t be…  
Could it?

“Lena, are you okay?” Alex asked with concern.  
“Ah… Yeah…” she stammered.  
“You look paler than usual,” Alex was bringing her stethoscope to her ears.  
Lena grabbed Alex by the hand and stopped her from taking any further actions, “I’m just a little nervous. Get me in that freaking machine and let’s get this over with!”  
Alex pulled her eyebrows up, “Am I gonna find something you’re not telling me, Lee?”  
For a moment Lena hesitated with her answer, she shook her head and gave the answer she hoped Alex would confirm, “No. Not as far as I’m aware.”  
“Okay…” Alex nodded.  
She squeezed Lena’s shoulder for a short moment before pushing her in the machine.  
Lena could feel the support in Alex’s touch.  
The machine did its work as Lena lay there with sweaty palms waiting for it to be over.

“Well… Do I get a sticker?” Lena asked after the machine had done its job.

Alex didn’t answer.  
Her eyebrows were knitted.  
As stunned, she stared at the screen.

“Alex?... Alex, what is it?” 

Without saying a word she pierced Lena’s soul with a cold gaze.  
The way she was looked at made her chill to her bones.  
Like it had to be something bad.

Alex seemed upset.  
She made Lena feel unsafe.  
This woman in front of her had been a warm home to her for almost two months.  
Now she was looking at her with pain in her eyes.

Since Alex wasn’t speaking, Lena decided to take a look at the scan result herself.  
She hopped off the stretcher and took a stand next to Alex.  
It was confronting to see all her childhood bruises light up, though that was not what stood out…

“You’re pregnant,” Alex confirmed what she had just concluded.  
A panic wrapped itself around her heart.  
“No!” she denied what she knew had to be real.

Lena didn’t want this.  
She never wanted this.  
She wouldn’t dare.  
She would fail miserably.  
Alex was the one who was supposed to become a mother.  
Not her.  
Not now.  
Not from him.  
She was supposed to get rid of him.  
Now she was bound to him.

Unless…

“Alex, I can’t…” her voice trembled with fear.  
“You’ll have to and you are going to!” Alex spoke firm, leaving no room for discussion.

“Is it mine?”  
Kara had let herself in.  
Her eyes were hopeful.  
Her bright smile showed a painful contrast with the hurt and fearful on the other side of the room.

Even though Lena wanted nothing more than those words to be a possibility, it was ridiculous.  
Alex crossed her arms and mumbled, “oh for fucks sake!”  
This forced Lena to speak up, “Kara darling, I love you… but don’t be silly. I’m not in the mood for jokes.”  
She focussed her attention on Alex, who was fighting back her tears by now. 

Lena understood.  
If she could somehow switch places with Alex, she would.

“I am serious!” Kara lit up.  
She started explaining as she approached the other two.  
“At Krypton natural reproduction was illegal, so I never learned much about the natural ways… But there were couples of females who got a child with both of their genetics. I am not sure if that is possible in a natural way… Reproduction works differently with Kryptonians. Our organs work differently. We just need to mix DNA… I know Kal got Lois pregnant naturally. But I am not sure if it is possible for me to get you pregnant… or for you to get me pregnant…”  
Kara looked so hopeful.

Alex and Lena connected.  
Despite everything, they were feeling, and how they were worlds apart at this topic, they shared a look of pity.  
Lena figured Alex was having the same thoughts: naive and sweet Kara is going to get her heartbroken over this silly idea.

Kara sighed, “Even if the possibility is against all odds… Please, Lena…” she took her hands and looked deep into her eyes, “Let me hope!”  
Lena released a saddened breath.

Alex shook her head with the release of a sharp breath, “I have to go!”   
With big steps, she left.

Lena watched Alex go.  
She felt sorry for her.  
Kara’s gaze was also following her sister.

“Lee, I-”  
“Can you take me home, please?” Lena insisted.  
She didn’t want to stay in the lab any longer.  
She didn’t want to be at the place where the proof of her pregnancy was staring her right in the face.  
Kara didn’t even try to argue.  
She nodded and took Lena’s hand, guiding her away.

\------------------------------------------------

“You knew, didn’t you?” Lena concluded as she rested herself down at Kara’s couch.  
Lena realized she must have known.  
This was the reason why Kara sent her to see Alex.

Kara sat down next to her with a shy smile.  
“Did you x-ray me?” Lena didn’t like it when Kara did that without permission, it felt invasive.

She shook her head.  
“When I was resting my head on your lap yesterday, I heard a second heartbeat coming from you. Fast but steady. Strong and brave, like its mother’s… I…” she stopped herself from talking any further.  
Her face became the brightest red Lena had ever seen a face color.

Kara described her experience with warmth.  
The fearful cold that froze Lena’s emotions from the moment she learned of the life within her slowly melted thanks to Kara’s passionate heat.

“What did you want to say?” Lena asked a lot kinder than everything she had said since Kara walked into the med-lab. 

She locked her eyes with Lena’s.  
They were twinkling.  
They were expressing the love she only radiated when she looked at Lena.  
“I fell in love with that heartbeat the first moment I heard it,” she smiled, “If only you were able to hear it too. I’m sure you would love the little bean as well.” 

Kara’s enthusiasm was inspiring and annoying at the same time.  
Her words were warming and repulsive at once.

Lena just found out she was pregnant   
She had always thought she would be an awful mother.  
The Luthor genes were supposed to die out.  
It would end with her and her brother.  
As far as she knew, he did not have any children.

Unlike Kara, she was not happy.  
It was nice that Kara thought it could be hers, but that sounded highly unlikely.  
Lena would not dare to hope that.  
She would be stuck with William.  
This growing parasite inside of her would bound them forever.

He always wanted to be a father.  
Maybe she could just give him the child…  
Oh gosh… Alex would kill her.

Alex…

Kara took the blank staring Lena in her arms.  
“Are you okay there, Rainbow Bear?” She kissed Lena’s temple.  
“Yeah, fine I…” Lena sighed.   
“No, actually… I am not fine!” she admitted.  
She squirmed out of the embrace and started pacing the room, gesturing wildly with her hands.  
“I can’t be a mom, Kara. I am a Luthor! Luthors don’t raise children, they create monsters. Threats to the world-”  
“I’m going to stop you now!” Kara held her wrist gently, but firm enough to stop her movements and get her attention.  
“As much as I understand your need to ramble… You are talking badly about someone I love very much and I won’t let you.”  
Lena raised an insulted eyebrow at her.  
“Lena, you are the one that breaks the circle. You are not a monster. You are not a threat to the world-”  
“I was!” She interrupted Kara.  
Kara ignored her and continued her speech, “You are so much more than just your last name… Like I am more than a Kryptonian with Superpowers as someone told me lately.”  
She smiled as she brought Lena’s hands to her lips for a tender kiss.

Lena couldn’t handle Kara’s sunny mood.  
She was too happy.  
Too optimistic.  
Too thankful.  
Too nice.  
Too loving.

Lena knew she was different from her family.  
She has always fought to redeem the Luthor name.  
Yet she feared what her genes might do.  
Those combined with William’s…  
His short temper.  
Her father’s short temper.  
Her lack of parenting skills.  
She could not raise a child.  
She wouldn’t know how to.  
She would fail miserably.  
What if she is just as unable to show affection as the Luthors are.  
After all…   
She is a Luthor!

“Lena, look at me… Look at me!” Kara ordered her out of her train of thought.  
Two warm hands palmed her face.  
With her blurred vision, she forced herself to point her eyes at the woman in front of her.  
She had trouble focusing as if she was looking right through her.  
“Lee, your heart is racing,” Kara informed her.

The sound of a ringtone interrupted them.  
Lena pulled herself out of Kara’s loving touch to check who it was.  
“It’s Kelly,” she clarified.

She answered as she walked a few steps away from Kara, “Hello?”  
Kelly told her she heard the news from Alex and wondered how she was doing.  
“I don’t know how to feel about this,” it was a positive spin on her thoughts and fears.  
Of course, Kelly understood.  
Always understanding Kelly.  
So annoying.  
 _“Listen… Uhm… Do you think it’s possible to stay at Kara’s tonight? I… I think Alex and I need some time.”_

Lena knew that actually meant Alex could not bear to face her.  
She couldn’t blame her.  
But with her being annoyed by Kara’s happiness, she needed to find a place to clear her mind.  
Apparently that place was not home, as she revered to her room at the Olsen-Danvers residence.

Lena glanced at Kara from the corner of her eyes.  
Kara presented her a crooked, hopeful smile.  
Lena folded her free arm in front of her, clutching the fabric of her shirt in her fist.  
“Fine,” she answered with a sigh.  
 _“Okay, great. If you need any clothes or anything… You can pick them-”_  
“I’ll ask Kara to pick something up,” Lena sounded cranky.  
 _“O… Okay… Lena? Take care! We will talk later, okay?”_  
Lena was just nodding at the phone, not reacting to her words.  
 _“Remember Lena… You are not in this alone. It will work out for the best. Trust me.”_  
Tears were forming in her eyes.  
She turned her back at Kara to prevent her from seeing them.  
 _“Okay… If you need anything… Text me! I insist!... Bye, Lena.”_

Lena’s hand was trembling so bad she was unable to put her phone away.  
A loud sob escaped her throat.  
She pressed her arm tight against her body, bending over to desperately try to stop her lungs from hurting.  
The panic caused almost physical pain.  
She was so overwhelmed by emotions the world seemed to close in on her.

Two arms wrapped around her.  
Her hand was freed from the burden of keeping her phone from smashing to the ground.  
“I’m sorry Lena. I’m here for you… I should have seen you… Come here.”

Lena did.  
She needed to break down.  
Break down in the arms of her lover.  
Soak her shoulder with her tears.  
Lena let herself go.  
She allowed Kara to carry her weight.  
How lucky she was, her love is inhumanly strong.

Kara scooped her off the ground.  
Lena pressed herself against the woman carrying her.  
She was gently put down on the bed.

With Kara next to her, she folded herself around the blonde.  
Fingers combed her hair, “It’s okay Lee. Let it out.”  
Kara had dropped her cheerful act.  
She was now taking care of Lena, as she needed to be taken care of.

When her breathing started to even out, she was finally able to speak again.  
“I am so scared,” were the first words she chose.  
Lips kissed her head, “It’s okay to be scared… But I promise you, you don’t have to be.”

She wanted to believe those words.  
She needed to believe those words.  
Lena believed her words.

They were not able to take her fear away.   
But they were soothing either way.

Lena searched for Kara’s eyes.  
“I hurt Alex, Kara… I didn’t mean to. She wants nothing more than to be a mother and I don’t want that at all… And now-”  
Kara shushed her.  
“This is not about Alex right now. She will turn around. She always will,” Kara assured her.

Kara was so sweet and caring.  
This was the Kara she fell in love with.  
And she couldn’t handle her now.

There was so much negative energy boiling inside of her, while Kara was drowning her with love.  
Too much love and positivity.  
She couldn’t even hate the situation.  
She couldn’t hate her pregnancy.  
She couldn’t hate the parasite.  
Because sweet and gentle Kara had already fallen in love with its heartbeat.

Lena was restless.  
Trapped.  
She needed to ramble.  
Needed to word all her worries.  
Needed to speak out about all her frustration.  
Needed to cry out her fears.

Kara was comforting her.  
She wasn’t ready for comfort.  
She wanted to turn back time.  
Undo this.  
Deny its existence.

Kara thinks the kid could be hers.  
That is the dumbest thing she has ever heard.  
That is just stupid.  
That is totally insane.  
That is ridiculous.  
That would be perfect.

She did not dare to hope.

Lena sat up.  
Her legs dangling on the side of the bed with her back turned at Kara.  
“I need to think,” she stated.  
Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, “Oh… yeah, I get that.”  
Lena jumped up, “No, you don’t Kara! I need some time alone.”  
Two big puppy eyes were looking up at her.  
Kara bit her tongue.

Lena put her shoes back on and went for the door.  
As she was putting her jacket on, Kara stopped her.  
“Please wait, Lena. Let me go with you,” Kara begged.  
“What part of ‘alone’ don’t you get?!” Lena lashed out at her.  
“You are carrying our child, I can not let anything happen to you!”   
“This is not your child!” Lena yelled.  
“Stop being an idiot, Kara. You are smarter than that,” she pulled the door open.  
Kara seemed to hurt.  
“Okay… Uhm… I…” tears were forming in her eyes, “I will go get some of your stuff from Alex and Kelly’s… Will you be home for dinner?” she asked with a shivering voice.  
Lena’s reaction was so cold, “We’ll see!” she scared herself.  
She slammed the door behind her and started walking.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lena’s thoughts ran wild as she was walking the streets of National City.  
She ignored all of her surroundings.  
It was just her and all her emotions.  
Her and all her thoughts.

After an undetermined amount of time, she found herself in front of a familiar building.  
Her subconscious must have led her there.  
Drawn to the person inside.

She had to talk to that person.  
She needed to.

Without talking to anyone she entered the elevator.  
The top floor was her destination.

“Good afternoon, miss Luthor. I didn’t expect to see you here today...”  
Lena ignored the woman who greeted her in the hallway.  
She pushed the door open in one fluid motion, letting herself enter in the process.  
Thankfully, the room was empty except for the one person she was looking for.

Being here was being vulnerable.  
Being here was being small.  
Being here was asking for help.  
Getting herself out of her emotional train thought made her tremble.

Sam looked up in confusion from her paperwork.  
As soon as she spotted Lena her expression turned into worry.  
She dropped her pencil and rushed towards her shaking friend.

Lena was greeted with open arms.  
She didn’t have to say anything for Sam to know she needed her.  
During her walk, she was able to keep her tears from falling, but with the first glance on Sam, they started flowing.

“Miss Tessmacher, will you clear my schedule for the rest of the day and close the door?” Sam instructed the assistant who had followed her to the inside.

“I’m… pregnant,” Lena explained between her sobs.  
It was the first time she spoke those words out loud.  
A bittersweet smile appeared on her face, “You are actually the first person I’m telling.”  
Sam knitted her brows and tilted her head sidewards with a soft smile, “I am honored. Come here.”  
She took Lena in her arms to let her cry her first emotions out.

After Lena calmed her emotions, the two friends sat down at the couch of the office.  
“Seeing you like this makes me think a ‘congratulations’ is out of place,” Sam noted.  
Lena rubbed the last tears from her face, “You think?” she sniffed sarcastically.  
Sam scrunched her nose and nodded, “Yeah, I do.”  
The silly gesture made Lena chuckle.  
“Why don’t you tell me how you feel,” Sam encouraged her.

Lena sighed, “Is it okay to not want it at all?”  
She was ashamed of that thought, especially considering Alex’s wish and Kara’s happiness.  
In her mind, she had already called it a parasite a couple of times, but she did not dare to say that out loud.  
Sam gave her a comforting smile, “I know that feeling.”  
Lena frowned her brows, “You? You have always been so dedicated to Ruby.”  
“Please…” Sam scoffed, “I got pregnant when I was 16 years old. Believe me… I wasn’t cheering when I found out!”  
The knowledge about Sam not being happy when she was expecting Ruby was comforting.

“I am panicking so bad!” Lena started.  
She talked about her fears and insecurities.  
About her Luthor genes and the monsters they produced.  
How she was not supposed to get a child to stop the string of madness.  
Sam listened with words of understanding outed once in a while.  
She did not stop Lena in her self-hate and the loathing she felt towards the Luthor name.

“And then there is William… I don’t want him as the father. I don’t want my kid to have to deal with his genes, the Luthor genes are bad enough as it is. I don’t want him to be involved. What if he loses his temper on...” Lena realized she never told Sam about William’s temper, “... on the child as well,” she finished just above a breath.  
Lena avoided Sam’s gaze.  
Her hand was squeezed by Sam’s, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”  
To Lena’s surprise, she didn’t ask about what happened between her and William.  
She was grateful.   
It was freeing.  
What happened between them wasn’t relevant now.

“I don’t want to see him when I look at my child,” Lena confessed.  
“I get that fear! But you know… Ruby is not a copy of me. She does have features of her biological father, she even has some of his less charming character traits,” Sam rolled her eyes.  
“But the truth is… Even though I also feared she would remind me of him… She doesn’t. Because when I look at my daughter… I see Ruby. I see everything she is. How wonderful, passionate, optimistic, brilliant, and ambitious she is. She dares to dream the impossible and fights for what she believes in. I might be some of those things… But she is perfect and complete in all her being. And, even though that includes his genes, she is the person who made them her own. It’s all about her, not him!”  
The love Sam radiated when talking about her daughter was infectious.

A silent voice in the back of Lena’s mind betrayed a longing to be able to feel the same thing for her child one day.  
The corners of her mouth curled up and she could feel herself get bashful at the thought of her admiring her kid like Sam was admiring Ruby.

She shook her head out of that thought.  
It was too scary to let that possibility in.

“It doesn’t sound to me like you don’t want to be the mother of this child, Lena…” Sam outed her thoughts.  
Lena looked up in confusion.  
“It sounds to me like you fear this child doesn’t want you as a mother!” Sam concluded.

Lena was slapped in her face by Sam’s point of view.  
It was a truth bomb that hit her like a national disaster.  
She hadn’t thought of it that way.  
But Sam could be right.  
That was exactly what Lena feared.

She could love the child.  
She was already noticing a switch from the first moment she found out.  
But she couldn’t imagine herself being good enough for a child.

“If I could raise a kid while still being a kid myself, then you can surely do it!” Sam encouraged her.  
“That doesn’t count, you are amazing.”  
Sam giggled at the compliment.  
“And so are you! … Besides… I have made enough mistakes.”   
“I doubt that,” Lena said.  
“Just ask Ruby,” Sam dared.

Lena smiled shyly.  
She needed a moment to process everything Sam had just told her.  
Sam seemed to get that, or it was just coincidence s chose that moment to get them both some water.

They stayed quiet for a while.  
It was a comforting silence.  
One that Lena needed to regain her thoughts.

After a while, Sam asked, “Does William know?”  
“No!” Lena reacted immediately with big eyes.  
She just found out a couple of hours ago.  
A part of her wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret from him.  
She didn’t want to deal with the idea of telling William and all the possible consequences.

“Does Kara know?”  
Lena grunted, “Kara is overjoyed. It is exhaustingly annoying.”  
Sam chuckled.  
“She is nauseatingly sweet. She is happy and she is caring. She tries to be understanding. She is totally in love with the heartbeat of the bean… Oh… She calls it ‘little bean’ and her whole attitude gets me so mad now,” Lena continued.  
“She sounds perfect!” Sam reacted with a dreamy grin on her face.  
Lena lolled her head backward and sighed, “She is!”

“I have been so hard on her, Sam…” Lena rambled, “Like... very hard. I have been an absolute bitch… But she had it coming! With her kindness. And her happiness.”  
“How dare she?!”  
“And her sparkling eyes... And her loving smile... And her caring touches... She actually believes the kid could be hers!”  
As soon as words escaped her mouth, she realized she should not have said that.

“What? Did Kara fall on her head or something?” Sam joked.  
She laughed, “You are not serious!”  
Sam seemed to be convinced Lena was kidding.

Lena bit her lip.  
She was debating in her head the options to continue this conversation.  
There were only two, she figured:  
Let Sam think Kara was a total idiot… Tempting!  
Or tell Sam about Kara’s secret identity…

If anyone would be able to keep that information to herself, it would be Sam.  
Her experiences as Reign would probably make her a lot more understanding than every other person she could think of.   
If anyone could handle this information, it would be Sam.

“You are serious!” Sam gasped in shock.  
“It… it’s actually not as ridiculous as it sounds…” Lena confessed.  
“What is she? Some kind of magical, baby planting Alien or something?” Sam joked uncomfortably.  
“Not magical...” Lena started.  
Sam shifted in her seat, intrigued with the explanation Lena was about to give her.  
Lena took a deep breath.

She told Sam about Kara’s secret identity of being Supergirl.  
“You mean... I nearly killed Kara?” Sam stammered.  
Lena corrected her, “That wasn’t you, that was Reign and you know that.”  
Sam accepted Lena’s reaction, at least for now.

Kara’s theory on how she could be the other parent to this child was explained.  
Sam listened with care.

When she was finished Lena pinched the bridge of her nose at the madness of it all.  
“What if Kara is right?” Sam reacted.  
“What?” Lena was in disbelief.  
“What do you know about the reproduction of Kryptonians? Be honest?”  
Lena frowned her brows at Sam’s rhetorical question.  
She didn’t know anything about it and Sam knew.  
“What do you know about the reproduction between a Kryptonian and a human? Or even between two females of two different species?” Sam thought out loud.  
Lena sighed thoughtfully.

“You have created portals to another universe. You have given humans superpowers. You have altered brain waves. You have split me from Reign… And Kara…” Sam was getting enthusiastic, “Kara can fly. Kara can shoot laser beams from her eyes. Kara can lift submarines out of the sea. Kara has freeze-breath.”  
Oh, Lena remembered that freeze breath.   
Her mind drifted off to Kara placing a frozen hand on her ribs.   
She bit her lip and released an almost inaudible moan.   
“Kara can… Did you just moan?” Sam called her out.

Lena hid her face behind her hands in embarrassment.  
Sam laughed about it.  
“Don’t worry, I get it,” she eased the situation.  
Lena came out of hiding, with her head glowing as if she just spent the evening too close to a bonfire.

Bonfire...

Lena bit her lip and squinted her eyes to get the memories out and focus on what Sam had to say.  
“Anyway…” Sam continued amused, “What I am trying to say… Both of you have done things that seemed impossible by common knowledge. Kara defies gravity and you have made the impossible possible… Several times! I’m not saying Kara is your baby-daddy. But I am saying: What if it’s not impossible?”

What if it was not impossible?  
What if it was possible if the child would be Kara’s?

Lena dropped her gaze to the ground.  
“It can’t… I can’t afford to hope that,” she admitted.  
“Then maybe, you will have to find a way to know for sure,” Sam rubbed Lena’s back.  
“And maybe… until then... you should let Kara hope if she wants to,” she added.  
Lena sighed, “Maybe I owe Kara an apology.”  
“That is not a maybe… That's definitely!”  
“Definitely!” Lena nodded in agreement.

Lena took a deep breath, “I am so scared, Sam. I don’t think I can do this.”  
Sam smiled at her full of confidence, “Being scared of failing your kid is the first sign of a good mother!”   
Confused, Lena knitted her brows.  
“It shows that you already care. And I don’t know if you noticed… But you were already talking about ‘my kid’ and ‘my child’ a couple of times. The little bean is growing on you,” Sam smiled proudly.

Lena tried to remember when she said that.  
It must have slipped naturally.  
“I… I still can’t believe I’m pregnant,” Lena mumbled.  
“Well…” Sam scooted over to pull Lena in a sidewards embrace, “You just found out and you are talking about your child… You will be fine. I believe in you.”  
Lena smiled shyly, “That means a lot to me… Coming from you I mean. I think you are an amazing mom.”  
They parted their hug, “Ruby wouldn’t always agree… But if you ever need any advice or rant about parenthood… I am here,” Sam presented herself with hand gestures, making Lena chuckle.

“Okay… I’m going to text Kara I will be home for dinner,” Lena flipped out her phone and explained while typing.  
“Did you just refer to Kara’s house as your home?” Sam asked for clarification.  
Lena rolled her eyes up as she thought about it for a second.  
There was no special meaning for her to revere to Kara’s house as her home.  
If a home was a place, it would be her room at Alex and Kelly’s.  
“No, I don’t think I did… I think I just called Kara my home,” she blushed in realization.  
“That is so cute!” Sam scrunched her nose.   
Lena finished her message and put her phone away.

“So… the freeze-breath does it for you?” Sam teased.  
“No!” Lena lied.  
Without words, Sam seemed to stare straight into her soul.  
“Yes…” she confirmed honestly, “We had a moment… and it was so hot!” 

Lena wanted to talk about her and Kara.  
When she had boyfriends, she could talk with her friends about it.  
She had talked about James with Kara and Sam.  
She had talked about Jack with Andrea and Kara.  
But she couldn’t talk about Kara with Alex or Kelly, even though she enjoyed teasing Alex.  
With Kelly, she also stayed away from that subject.  
It didn’t feel right to talk to her about Kara in that way.

But Sam was perfect.  
If she would want to be that person.

Lena pressed her lips together in a thin line.  
“You want to talk about her, don’t you?” Sam noted with a smirk.  
“Oh yes, I do!” Lena made clear with a big smile.  
Sam giggled, “Please do!”  
She made herself comfortable in the corner of the couch, ready to receive Lena’s gushing over her lover. 

With Sam knowing about Kara’s other identity, Lena didn’t have to stop her story at simple kisses.  
She could talk about them flying and kissing during the wedding.  
How she felt Kara up high in the sky, where nobody would spot them.  
How frustrated she was after the wedding that she jumped her husband and could only think of her.  
She could talk about the bonfire, without having to explain what Kara was doing in England during their wedding.

“Wait! Your first time with her was during your honeymoon?” Sam was way too amused by this.  
Lena nodded.  
“Was it your first time with a woman?” Sam was curious.  
Lena scoffed, “No.”  
“Kara’s?”  
The silence was answer enough.  
“Oh my God. Lena Luthor, you skank! How was she?”  
“Like I’m going to tell you after you just called me a skank!” Lena chuckled.  
“Ow drop the theatrics. You want to tell me, admit it.”  
Lena could keep her mouth shut for about two seconds straight before she burst, “Okay… She was clumsy, but she was very nervous and so was I… So we giggled a lot and shared a lot of oops and sorry’s,” Lena smiled at the memory.  
“That is so cute,” Sam let her head rest on the arm she had laid over the backside of the couch.   
“She was also very careful, tender, and sweet. A little bit too gentle for my taste. But… damn she’s passionate!” Lena groaned.  
“Maybe she’s just careful because of her powers,” Sam suggested.  
Lena nodded, “I think so too… She is already improving!” she smirked.

It was exciting to talk about her and Kara.  
Somehow it made everything they had been through more real.  
Her heart pounded louder for the woman in the red cape.

“Gosh, I hope the kid is hers,” the words escaped her lips as a confession.  
Like a secret, she was hiding that finally came out.  
Lena dropped backward on the couch.  
Her fingertips explored the surface of her belly like they never had before.

Sam had an approving grin on her face.  
“You’ve got this, mommy.”  
Lena pulled a face on her.  
“Too soon?” Sam asked.  
Lena nodded, “Yeah.”  
“Okay.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Since Sam gave Lena a ride, Kara invited her to stay for dinner.  
Kara was tense and very clumsy even for her doing.  
She dropped a knife and accidentally set her hand on fire.

It was still confusing to see her burning without getting burned.  
Sam’s eyes nearly popped out.  
Kara made a show out of it by screaming and cooling her hand with water from the tap.

Lena left Sam alone in the living room to spend some important time with her girlfriend.   
From behind Kara, Lena slipped an arm around her waist.  
She nuzzled her face in the crook of Kara’s neck.  
With her other hand, she turned off the water and took Kara’s wet hand into her own.  
In a fluid motion, she brought Kara’s fingers to her mouth and kissed them.

“I’m sorry darling, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. You didn’t deserve that.”  
“Oh, that’s… ehm… I get it… I was way too happy,” she stammered with guilt in her voice.  
Lena pressed herself tighter against the Kryptonian.  
“I want you to be happy. I just wasn’t ready for happiness yet,” Lena explained.  
Kara turned around in her arms, leaning her back against the sink.  
“Are you now?” Kara asked softly.  
“I’m not exactly overjoyed by the idea… But Sam helped me a lot,” Lena glanced over her shoulder, smiling at her friend who was playing on her phone.

When Lena looked back at Kara, she was wearing a thankful smile while glancing over at Sam.  
“Kara… ehm…” Lena started, “I shouldn’t have taken you for a fool for wanting to hope it’s your kid… I reacted close-minded and I didn’t dare to hope you were even an option.”  
“What changed?” Kara seemed touched by Lena’s words.  
Lena shrugs, “Sam again… I told her about your idiotic idea of my kid being yours. And-”  
“You told her?” Kara whispered shocked.  
“Ah yes, it kind of slipped... Don’t worry, I explained. She doesn’t think you’re a moron,” she rushed over the important details as quickly as possible, “She helped me put things in perspective and I figured… There is a lot I don’t know about Krypton, about Kryptonians, and with that… about you. Even though it’s hard for me to believe… There is no reason for me to exclude the possibility. Therefore… You could be the other parent,” Lena explained what she concluded.  
Tears welled in Kara’s eyes, “Do you believe the little bean could be ours?” she smiled in expectation.

Ours…  
Lena had thought about ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ but not about ‘ours’.  
She needed to let that sink in.

Kara’s eyes shimmered with hope.  
She was holding her breath, waiting for Lena’s answer.

Lena got lost in those sapphire blue eyes.  
The world disappeared as she got sucked into a dream.  
A life of them together.  
Kara holding a sun-kissed child, with golden hair and green eyes.  
Cheerful and kind-hearted as Kara, determined and curious as herself.   
Laughing and happy.  
The three of them.

“Yeah…” Lena breathed out, “This could be our little bean!”  
Kara squealed with happiness.  
Lena’s cheeks dimpled at the wideness of her smile.  
Even though she wanted nothing more than to kiss Kara fiercely, she held back because the look in Kara’s eyes was way too magical to stop watching.  
That look on her face was something to be treasured for as long as possible.

Kara made the choice for her and kissed her lovingly.  
The kiss they shared was long and tender.  
It always amazed Lena how she could become one with Kara by just a touch of her tongue.  
If it was physically possible, Kara’s kisses could make her melt into her.

A loud scraping of a throat got them both back to reality.  
“Ah, you are so cute together! I think it’s better if I just go...” she got up and swung her bag over her shoulder.  
“No, please stay!” Kara stopped her, “The least I can do is offer you food.”  
Sam smiled and let her purse slide down her arm.  
“Good, what are we eating?”

Sam and Lena were setting the table as Kara was getting the food out of the oven.  
“Oh, Kara… I’m sorry for almost killing you,” Sam apologized as Kara served the lasagna.  
Kara wove her off, “Don’t worry about that, it’s almost forgotten. Besides, that wasn’t you!” she made it clear to Sam.  
Guilt was dripping off Sam’s face.  
“I know how you can make it up to me,” Kara beamed.  
Sam looked up.  
She seemed to be ready to do anything.  
“Eat my lasagna and tell me it’s good!” Kara grinned.  
Sam scoffed, “I’m serious Kara.”  
“So am I,” Kara reacted, “It’s history. Reign is gone and I am grateful that you are there for Lena when she needs you. That’s enough for me.”  
With a sigh, Sam smiled.  
She took a bite “Hmmm, this is the best lasagna ever. It’s delicious!” she exaggerated.  
Lena laughed at the theatrics she was witnessing.  
“See, it’s not that hard,” Kara said proudly.  
“Hot, hot, hot!” Sam waved her hand at her open mouth.

“How are Alex and Kelly doing?” Lena asked on a more serious note.  
Kara sighed, “Well… Kelly was asking for you… She was worried about you,” she started with some good news, “as for Alex… You know Alex. She will turn around. But I think you will be staying here a little longer than just one night… Not that I mind!” she added quickly.  
“What’s wrong with Alex?” Sam asked worriedly.  
Kara had just stuffed her mouth, so Lena answered, “Alex has a desire to become a mother as you might know… But she has dealt with some major setbacks and she was on the urge of losing her patience… And now I am pregnant.”  
Lena sighed, “I can’t even imagine how she must feel.”  
Kara reached for her hand, “Don’t you dare to feel guilty, Rainbow Bear. Alex will recover. She will adopt her own child together with Kelly and she will become an amazing aunt to our little bean.”  
This brought a smile to Lena’s face.  
Alex would be the best aunt.

A knock on the door took them all out of their conversation.  
The three women exchanged glances.  
None of them seemed to expect someone.

Kara put her silverware down to open the door.

“Kelly?” Kara outed confused.  
The always calm and in control Kelly seemed lost and empty.  
“Hey… C-can I stay here for a while? I… I think Alex needs some space,” she stammered softly.

Lena had already left her seat and opened her arms for Kelly to fall into.  
It was her turn to comfort her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who saw that coming?  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments.


	14. What friends are for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news of the pregnancy has an effect on more people than just Lena.  
> Lena has a hard time accepting.  
> Lucky for her, she has good friends and the amazing Kara Danvers to help her adjust.  
> All great and supportive friends.
> 
> Except for one...

Two women were discussing the ingredients used for dinner while the other two waited patiently for them to join the table.  
Kara showed Kelly everything she used to prepare the meal.  
An offer to join them was a nice gesture, but it can also be an accidental homicide if Kelly is your guest.  
With her allergies, caution is required.

Kelly sat down next to Sam and filled her plate.  
“There is nothing in here that can kill me,” she concluded.  
The usually calm Kelly seemed to feel uneasy.

“Kel… You don’t seem like yourself,” Lena concluded just as straightforward as Kelly could be towards her, “What happened?”  
Kelly shrugs, “You know Alex… She pushes people away when she needs them most. I would like to stay with her, but she can get pretty mean,”  
“And it only gets worse if you stay with her,” Kara held up her glass of wine as a sign she understood Kelly.  
“Exactly!” Kelly clinks her glass with Kara’s.  
“I mean… I understand. I know she is like this and we can talk once the first pain has faded away… But…”  
“It still hurts to see her like that,” Kara completed the sentence again.  
“Yes, it does…” Kelly sighed, “So I need some distraction. Lena, how are you feeling?”  
“Getting all therapeutic on me is not a distraction, Kelly!” Lena pointed with her fork at her while chewing.  
“It is for me!” Kelly pouted.

The funny thing was, Lena actually believed her.  
Being the therapist was a form of relaxation for Kelly.  
She could focus on other people, which kept the mind of her own trouble.

Lena rolled her eyes, “Fine,” she smirked at Kelly.  
The therapist looked like she had to contain her enthusiasm…  
“You can clap if you want,” Lena encouraged her.  
She had noticed Kelly’s quirk when she suddenly felt a rush of excitement, she would clap her hands together at least three times and her eyes would start to twinkle.  
Kelly let her inner geek out and slapped her hands together a couple of times.  
She could recover to a serious face in an impressively short amount of time.  
Lena chuckled.

She told Kelly about her first reaction and how awful she has been to Kara.  
“You will have to make up for that,” Kara teased her.  
Lena placed her hand on Kara’s tight below the table and gave her a squeeze, “Oh, darling… You know I will.”  
Kara’s face turned into a watermelon shade of pink.  
Lena chose to ignore it, but she felt a proud joy inside for what she could do to the woman.  
She continued about her talk with Sam as she winked at her friend.

“I’m not thrilled. But my first instinct to turn back time and prevent it from happening has faded.”  
“You need some time to let the news sink in, that’s normal,” Kelly reacted.  
Lena nodded, “I still don’t find myself fitting to be a mother. I will be awful at it. Luthors don’t raise children, we scar them for life!”  
“Yeah, I figured… I already changed your therapy plan. I think you need a different focus to work on,” Kelly informed her.  
The Luthor sighed, “The idea of Kara being the… other parent is still strange, but comforting. I can’t quite wrap my head around it, but…” she stole a glance from Kara, “I hope the bean is hers.”  
Kara smiled shyly as she turned her face away.  
“Aaaww…” Sam teased, adored by Kara’s reaction.  
The blonde decided it was a good idea to press her face against Lena’s shoulder, who gleefully took advantage and kissed her head.

“Kara… I’m sorry for how Alex acted towards you. She shouldn’t have said that” Kelly apologized on behalf of Alex.  
Kara wove her off, “You are not the one who owes me an apology, Kelly. It’s okay.”  
“It’s not okay, I-”  
“It’s not, you’re right. But it’s between me and my sister. And I trust she will turn around. As for you and me… We are good,” Kara had interrupted Kelly by placing a hand on hers.

Lena was a spectator to the conversation.  
She had no idea what happened between Kara and Alex.  
Kara was acting understanding and cool about it with a comforting smile on her face, but her eyes betrayed a sadness Lena recognized.  
Not only she but also Alex had used Kara as a punching bag for their conflicted emotions in the matter.  
She was not the only one who was being mean to Kara.  
The poor girl had gotten shit from the people she cared for the deepest, all in one day.  
While she was just happy about the news.  
She was the only one who embraced the little bean without any hesitation.

As she couldn’t take her eyes off the Super, her mind got taken over by the awareness of how her day must have been.  
“Will you excuse me for a moment? I just have to… eh… yeah…” Kara got approving nods from the other side of the table.  
Lena’s eyes followed her as she walked out, onto her balcony.

She was hesitant.  
Should she give Kara some time alone?  
Is that what she needs?  
Everything in her screamed to follow her.  
Instead of going after her, she just watched Kara leaning against the edge and dipping her head in sadness.

Sam squeezed Lena’s shoulder.  
Lena flinched because she had not noticed Sam standing next to her yet.  
“I’ll clean the table. I think you are needed elsewhere,” she winked at Lena.  
This convinced Lena to go after Kara anyway.  
“Let me help.”  
She could hear Kelly and Sam chat behind her.

Lena closed the balcony door behind her.  
The sound made Kara jerk out of her thoughts.  
“Hey…” Kara greeted her as she wiped the tears from her eyes.  
Lena wanted to say sorry.  
She wanted to take everything back she had said to her.  
Even though she had already apologized, she never meant for Kara to have such a bad day.  
Words didn’t seem the right form of communication for what Lena was trying to tell Kara.

Instead of speaking, she closed the distance between them and held her in her arms.  
It didn’t take long for Kara to sink into her and let her silent tears flow.  
If Lena didn’t feel them drip on her shoulder, she never would have known Kara was crying.

“I just realized, nobody let you be happy today. On top of that… I gave you shit and I don’t even know what Alex said…” Lena pressed herself tighter against Kara.  
“She was just sad,” Kara softly spoke with a tremble.  
Lena left it at that.  
Kara clearly didn’t want to talk about it.  
At least… not now.

“You know… Sam helped me realize that I am just scared…”  
Kara pulled her head away so she could look at Lena, awaiting what else she had to say.  
“It’s not that I don’t want the little bean… I’m just scared I will mess up as a mother,” she admitted.  
Kara’s fingers combed through her hair.  
“You don’t have to worry about that, Rainbow Bear. Your heart is warm and kind, you will do great! And…” Kara suddenly became shy, “If you want me… I will be by your side every step of the way.”  
Lena kissed the bashful woman in front of her, “I wouldn’t want it any other way,” she whispered against her lips.  
“But…” Lena pulled back, “We still haven’t had our first date and already we are talking about raising a child together,” she noted.  
Kara hummed, “We are not very good at keeping the chronological order, are we?”  
Lena scrunched her nose and shook her head, “Not really, no.”  
“Maybe we should try to accept we are not an everyday couple,” Kara’s smile got cut off by Lena’s lips crashing into hers.

The four women turned the evening into an unplanned girls' night.  
Lena grunted as Kelly poured her another glass of apple juice.  
“I don’t even like apple juice!”  
“What do you normally drink?” Kelly asked her.  
“Well… coffee, tea, water, wine, scotch, beer…” she was counting on her fingers.  
“Caffeine, caffeine, water is allowed, alcohol, alcohol, alcohol…” Sam counted on her fingers the same way Lena did.  
“You’re no fun. Go run my company, you’re not allowed on girls nights anymore,” Lena deadpanned in one breath while waving her off.  
Sam’s jaw dropped.  
Lena smirked, “I’m still getting used to the idea and you are already pointing out all my restrictions!”

Lena noticed how eager Sam was in sharing her knowledge.  
She understood Lena’s fears, but it was hard for her to contain her excitement.  
That gave her an idea.  
“If you want to do baby-talk, ask Kara how she found out I was pregnant!” she winked at Sam.

Lena knew she had already discussed this with Sam, but it would be nice for Kara to talk about it with a smile on her face.  
Sam got the hint and turned her attention to Kara, “How did you know, Kara?”  
She rested her chin on her hands, while her elbows were planted in the armrest of the couch.  
The question worked like a charm.  
Kara beamed immediately. 

She sat on the floor with her back against the chair Lena was sitting on.  
Lena was playing with a wild blond curl as Kara started talking.  
“... We became silent and I suddenly realized I was hearing more than one heartbeat coming from Lena… I focussed my hearing to be sure, but the little bean left me without doubt…”  
Kara’s eyes seemed to sparkle more with every word she spoke.  
Her smile only became wider.

Lena forgot all her own fear as she observed the joyful woman next to her.  
Kara spoke of the little bean with words of pure love.  
Lena didn’t even register everything she said.  
She was completely in awe with the expression on Kara’s face.  
She had to raise her child with Kara.  
She would be a wonderful and loving mother.  
Whenever Lena would be unable to show affection, there was always Kara who could project love like no other.  
She was like sunshine in the spring, warming the earth and making trees blossom again.  
Her smile could bloom even the gloomiest flower.

“... and I hope the bean is mine…” a thoughtful sadness took over for a short moment, “...But we know for certain that it’s Lena’s…” she beamed again, “And I love Lena, so I will find no trouble in loving the kid as well… I think I already love it. Is it strange to fall in love with someone who isn’t even born yet, just by hearing a heartbeat?” Kara had rambled for a while.

Kelly was interested in everything Kara had to say, while Sam was reliving her own pregnancy.  
“I hated the fact that I was pregnant at first… Until I heard Ruby’s heartbeat. Ever since that first beat, I loved her and I knew I always would,” Sam confirmed.  
Kara nodded, “Yeah… I feel that too. Even if it’s not mine… But it could be mine,” with hopeful eyes she looked up at Lena.  
“It could,” Lena dreamed along with her.

At the end of the evening, Kelly was the first to announce her department.  
She hugged Kara and thanked her for the hospitality.  
When she hugged Lena she made sure Lena knew she was always welcome with her.

“Do you think Alex calmed down by now?” Lena asked.  
Kelly scoffed, “I will probably find her passed out on the couch,”  
“Do you want me to come by to put her in bed?” Kara offered.  
“No… She can have a stiff neck and arching back tomorrow. It will be a reminder not to push her girlfriend away and cope with alcohol,” Kelly sighed.  
Lena shook her head, “Sometimes I fear Alex has an alcohol problem.”

A deathly silence filled the room.  
Three baffled women stared at Lena.  
“What?” Lena didn’t understand the reaction.  
“I am just surprised that out of all people… you are the one who suggests Alex has an alcohol problem,” Sam explained.  
Lena frowned her brows, “What are you trying to say?”  
“She’s trying to say you grab for the bottle easily as well!” Kelly clarified, leaving her therapeutic subtlety behind.  
Lena gasped, “I don’t have an alcohol problem… I don’t!” she stated as three pairs of eyes with raised eyebrows were looking at her.  
“The only problem I have with alcohol is that I can’t have any for the next seven months,” she shrugs.  
Kara wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple, “You have just proven our point, darling.”  
Lena pouted, making Kara chuckle.

Suddenly Lena realized, “Oh my… I have been drunk with the little bean inside me… Do you think I killed it?” she worried.  
“It was very much alive this morning,” Kara pointed out.  
“Yeah but…”  
“Don’t worry. The chances of the baby being damaged by one drunk adventure-”  
“Two,” Lena corrected Sam, “maybe three… oh God… four…”  
“Stop counting!” Sam ordered, “Just don’t drink again and take good care of your body from now on!”  
“I’ll make sure of that,” Kara smiled.  
Lena leaned into her.  
They felt like a married couple saying their guests goodbye.  
Lena entertained that idea.

Before she left, Sam smiled at Lena, “Thank you for coming to me, it means a lot to me.”  
Lena and Kara pulled Sam in for a hug, “Thank you for all your wisdom. And for being there for me when I need you,” Lena said.  
“That’s what sisters are for,” Kara concluded.

After both left, Lena took hold of Kara’s hand.  
“Are you coming to bed with me, Funshine?” she smiled.  
Like a loyal puppy, Kara followed her.

Lena lay on her back staring at the ceiling.  
She was overthinking the day.  
It had been emotionally draining.  
Not only for her but also for Kara who snuggled against her looking for comfort.

The brightest light of the day was hearing Kara talk about her baby’s heartbeat.

“Kara?”  
“Hmm?” she hummed sleepily.  
“Do you want to listen to the little bean’s heartbeat?” Lena wondered.  
She hoped for the reaction she got.  
Kara was lighting up like a bonfire in the wind.  
“Can I? I mean… I... “ she lay her hand flat against Lena’s belly.  
Lena chuckled, “Yes, go ahead.”

Kara crawled down to lay her head to rest on Lena’s bare abdomen.  
Lena could hear a gasp coming from Kara.  
“It’s beautiful, Lee. And still strong and very much alive. I wish you could hear it too.”  
Lena tangled her fingers into blonde hair and caressed her.  
“What does it sound like?” she wondered.  
She knew very well she would not get a clear idea from Kara’s description.  
But it would make Kara happy to try to share this with her.

Lena couldn’t imagine there was life growing inside.  
It was still an abstract idea.  
But feeling Kara’s cheek on her belly was a heartwarming sensation.  
She had been awful to Kara.  
Sweet and caring Kara.  
She only deserved to be treasured.  
This was a way Lena could brighten her day.  
Even though all the baby talk was confronting and scary, Kara’s confidence and happiness calmed Lena down and even made her smile.  
Kara was adorable.  
When Lena thought she couldn’t fall more in love with the Kryptonian, Kara tried her best to answer Lena’s question.

“Tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb-” It was so rhythmic, Kara almost sang.  
Her attempt overwhelmed Lena with so much love, she started to giggle.  
“Don’t laugh, you are bumping my head up… Tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb, tumb-” she continued unstirred.  
Lena’s kept her laughter in, but her smile wouldn’t fade.  
Kara was just too precious when listening to the little bean.  
“It’s okay, Funshine. I get it,” Lena was almost sad she couldn’t hear for herself, “go and enjoy your moment with beany, just you and the bean,” using the nickname Kara gave to the fetus came naturally.  
A reaction came in the form of a hand searching for Lena’s to hold.

The position they were in was intimate.  
Lena felt comfortable with Kara resting her head on her.  
The warmth Kara gave off was enough for Lena to not need a blanket at all.  
Kara was her blanket.  
Kara was her comfort.  
Kara was her sunlight.  
Kara was her safety.  
Kara was her confidence.  
Kara was her certainty.  
…  
Kara was the best mom any child could wish for.  
Kara was her everything.

Lena didn’t like that there was a little child brewing inside of her.  
Lena was terrified by the thought of motherhood.  
But Lena fell in love with the idea of Kara as a mother.

There is no other option.  
It has to be Kara.

\----------------------------------

The feeling of two eyes staring woke Lena up.  
She blinked a couple of times and stretched the sleep out of her limbs.  
“Good morning Rainbow bear!” were the first words she heard.  
A moan escaped her as she turned to her side to face Kara.  
Her hair got finger-combed by Kara’s gentle touch.  
A concerned smile played her lips.

“What is it, Funshine?” Lena’s voice was raspy from the night rest.  
Kara bit her lower lip as she stopped the interaction with Lena’s raven locks.  
Lena wished she would continue for the touch from the Kryptonian calmed her spirit like nothing else could.  
“I have to go to work, but I don’t want to leave you alone,” Kara confessed with a saddened look in her eyes.  
Lena found Kara’s hand and brought it to her cheek.  
The warmth of the palm sent a loving sensation throughout her whole body.  
She smiled and turned her head slightly to be able to kiss the inside of Kara’s hand.  
“You must go, Kara. I’ll be fine. I will go back to Alex and Kelly’s today and hope Alex feels better now.”  
With her thumb, Kara caressed the skin on Lena’s cheekbone, “Are you sure? You are always welcome to stay here.”  
Lena nodded, “I know. I’ll keep you updated,” she reassured, “Kara? Please focus on your own work… Leave William alone, for your sake.”  
Kara sighed and seemed to consider otherwise for a moment.  
She leaned into Lena and spoke, “I promise,” before she kissed her lips.

What a way to wake up.  
Lena could get used to this.  
After a skillful dance of tongues, Kara pulled back, leaving Lena wanting more.  
Kara’s head traveled down.  
She didn’t speak.  
She planted a tender kiss below Lena’s belly button.  
The gesture gave Lena mixed feelings.  
Kara was incredibly loving and sweet and Lena knew what she was doing.  
But to Lena…  
It was just her abdomen being kissed, which awoke other feelings in her than the love for a baby.

“I’ve put a bucket next to the bed for you, in case you need it,” Kara pecked Lena’s lips again before she got up and rushed off.  
“Text me! I love you!” she yelled casually when she left the house.  
Lena giggled at the bad joke that occupied her mind.  
She got her phone and sent Kara a message:  
_‘I love you!’_  
Just like Kara had asked her to.

\--------------------------------------------

Later that morning Lena went back to the Olsen-Danvers residence.  
She knocked to announce her arrival and opened the door with her set of keys.

The house was quiet.  
This was a workday for Kelly, but, unless there was some emergency in National City, Alex should have been home.

Lena strolled through the hallway looking for a sign of life.  
The living room was deserted.  
All seemed as usual with the exception of the beer bottles on the counter and the smell of scaled beer.  
The night Alex had seduced Lena to drink beer with her instead of wine or scotch, they left the same amount of bottles.  
The realization this was probably the result of Alex drinking alone impressed her at first.  
This amount for just one woman could be troublesome.  
There might be more to her own words about Alex having a problem than she thought when she said it.  
It saddened her.  
Lena took a mental note to not enable Alex in drinking anymore.

Since nobody seemed to be home, she started to put the empty bottles away and clean the beer stains that were left all over the counter.  
With her efforts, the room would have a better vibe for when Kelly and Alex would return.

Lena was on her knees on the kitchen floor scrubbing a dried beer stain.  
On her way up she looked straight into the barrel of a gun.  
Her hands went up in a reflex as her heart skipped a beat.  
“Surprise motherfucker!”  
The gun wasn’t steady and the words were slightly slurred.  
Lena’s first reaction of shock got replaced by survival and annoyance.  
“Jesus, Alex! Get that gun out of my face.”  
She pushed the barrel out of her direction.

“Luthor, you are trespassing! What are you doing here?” she waved the gun around like it was a baton.  
Since her grip wasn’t very firm, Lena was able to yank it out of her hands easily.  
“I live here!” she bit back at the grumpy Danvers.  
The scent coming from Alex was that of alcohol.  
Lena couldn't determine if it was fresh or if she was still smelly from the night before.  
The only thing Lena knew for certain was that her sense of smell was a lot stronger now.  
Right now, she wished it wasn’t.  
“Yeah well…” Alex turned around.  
Like a child who didn't get it her way, she crossed her arms, “Maybe I don’t want you to live here.”  
In her turn, Lena caught a glimpse of her eyes changing from aggression into sadness.

She couldn’t help but feel sorry for the auburn-haired woman.  
The fact she had pointed a gun at Lena moments before was almost forgotten if not for the piece of metal that was still resting in Lena’s hands.  
Lena put it away behind the waistband of her jeans and put her focus back on Alex.

She moved from behind the counter and placed her hand on Alex’s shoulder.  
Alex stepped away, “I don’t need your pity!” she growled.  
Lena had to bite her tongue.  
She was trying to show sympathy and Alex was mean.  
Alex was being unreasonable. 

She took a deep breath before she spoke again, “Look, Alex... I get that you are upset-”  
“Don’t you dare!” Alex put her finger at Lena’s collarbone and got in her face, “You don’t get to tell me that you get it... You don’t get anything, Luthor!”  
Lena had never heard Alex speak her last name with such venom.  
On every other occasion, Alex held a playfulness in the way she spoke her name, like a joke amongst friends.  
But this time…  
It hurts.

“You can’t blame me for getting pregnant, I can’t help it!” she defended herself.  
With her back against the counter, she was cornered by the older Danvers sister and it didn’t feel right.  
“You can’t help it? You were still the one spreading your legs, whore!”

Lena wanted out.  
Alex had gone too far.  
She was off.  
She was unpredictable.  
Lena barely recognized the woman.  
She felt like a threat.  
She wasn’t safe to be with.

Lena could feel her body shaking.  
She was petrified.  
The only thing she could do was look Alex straight in the eyes.

After a few seconds, which felt like hours to Lena, something in Alex’s expression changed.  
She backed away with a gasp.  
Lena took a couple of big steps away from her, keeping her eyes on her the entire time.  
“I am going to get my stuff… And you are going to stay here!” Lena instructed with her arms in front of her like she was taming a wild animal.  
Alex stepped forward, “Lena, I-”  
“Don’t move!” Lena yelled.

When she was certain Alex had frozen in her stance, she rushed into her bedroom.  
Without any thought or organization, she stuffed as much clothing as possible in a bag.  
She took her laptop and left the house with a loud bang of the door.  
Without looking back she ran off.

\----------------------------------------------

Kara was holding her in her arms.  
She was a safe haven to let her tears flow.  
The sound of Kara humming a song for her, made the outside world disappear.  
It was just what she needed.

When Lena got home in the early afternoon, she was conflicted.  
She wanted Kara to finish her working day and prove she could go to work without Lena needing her.  
But she wanted nothing more than for Kara to hold her.

She was triggered.  
Triggered by a friend she trusted.

Her body was cramping up.  
She was restless and jumpy.

Lena decided not to tell Kara at first.  
She kept that promise to herself for about ten minutes.  
If Kara would find a trembling ball of Lena on the floor when she got home, she wouldn’t trust Lena to contact her if something was wrong and she would never leave again.

When Kara picked up the phone, all Lena had to stammer was: “Kara… I’m not okay.”  
It took her ten minutes to leave her work acceptably and get to Lena.  
She had held her in her arms ever since.

Lena didn’t feel like explaining.  
How could she tell Kara her sister had scared her?  
She would procrastinate for as long as possible.  
She was too weak and too sad now.

After her call with Kara, she hadn’t said a word.  
It was nice of Kara to let her.  
Kara just needed answers to a few questions Lena could nod or shake her head too.

No, Lena wasn’t hurt.  
Yes, she had been to Alex.  
No, she didn’t want to talk about it.  
Yes, she wanted to be held.

Like a koala, she wrapped herself around Kara.  
And Kara caressed her.

Lena’s mind went to her conflict with Alex.  
Alex had called her a whore.  
A whore for making love to her sister.  
A whore for being with her husband.  
It’s not like Alex was such a saint.  
No wall could ever be thick enough to stop the sounds coming from their bedroom.  
Lena had never complained.  
She had earplugs for those nights.  
And she was happy she needed them because she wished Kelly and Alex the absolute best.  
Apparently, they found the best in the bedroom with each other.  
And now that friend she wished the best, had called her a whore.  
It’s not like she hasn’t been called worse.

But this was Alex.  
It was the way she said it.  
She was intimidating.  
She wanted to hurt her with her words.

There was a knock on the door that startled Lena.  
Her senses were overloaded from the trauma that had been triggered.  
Every sound pierced her ears as if it echoed in her skull.  
Every light was so bright it gave her the idea it could blind her.  
Lucky for her, Kara smelled nice, so she didn’t mind her stronger scent now.

“It’s just Nia,” Kara whispered as she stroked Lena’s hair.  
“The door is open!” she called out too loud for Lena’s taste.  
The sound made her winch.

Lena liked Nia, but she didn’t really know her.  
She had worked with Dreamer on some occasions.  
Nia was mainly Kara’s friend.  
They looked out for each other on both of their jobs.  
As reporters and as Superheroes.

She didn’t want to see Nia.  
Not because of Nia.  
It was because her head was so full.  
She could bear to have Kara around because she only held her and did not talk.  
Kara was safe.  
Kara was soothing.  
Kara felt like a part of her.

The moment Nia entered the room, Lena pushed herself up.  
She didn’t want Nia to see her in this broken and weak state.  
It was one thing to allow herself to be this way with comfortable people like Kara, Kelly, and…  
Alex…  
But she wasn’t ready to show herself to Nia.

“I need to lie down,” she informed Kara with her fingers brushing her arm.  
She kissed Kara’s cheek and wished Nia a good evening.

Kara’s bedroom was separated from her living room by nothing more than a curtain to create the illusion of two separate compartments.  
Lena lay herself to rest.  
Not tired enough to fall asleep, she listened to the two women talk.  
The lack of a sound barrier was easily forgotten once Lena got out of sight.

Nia seemed worried about the two of them.  
She had been happy to see Kara back at the job, but she felt bad she had to leave so soon.  
Lena’s need for comfort was discussed.  
This annoyed Lena at first, but once she learned Nia did not judge her, she could let go of that feeling.

Lena was pleasantly surprised to hear Nia had been covering for Kara all the time.  
She had even put Kara’s name in the byline of articles Nia wrote alone, just to make sure Kara wouldn’t get fired.  
Kara owed her big time.  
Lena made a mental note to send her flowers for saving Kara’s job.

It felt invasive listening to the two friends talk, but it was hard not to.  
Lena never realized the sisterly bond the two seemed to have.  
Nia was like Kara’s mini-me in many aspects.

Kara was avoiding the subject of what was going on with Lena.  
Lena appreciated that, but everything that had happened to her had its effects on Kara as well.  
Maybe it was good for Kara to talk about it with someone else.  
Someone who was close to Kara and didn’t know Lena’s point of view.

The conversation made clear Kara had talked to Nia about the kisses during the wedding and their evening at the bonfire...  
But nothing of the abuse, or how she was stalking William, or even about her pregnancy.

It was admirable Kara kept that between them.  
But maybe Nia was someone she could talk to outside of Lena’s circle like Lena has Sam.  
Lena had talked to others about her worries over Kara.  
Kara might need the same thing.

“Lee… Nia and I are going to order pizza, do you want some?” Kara’s head peeped between the curtains.  
It was a comical sight.

Lena pushed herself up to point all her attention to Kara.  
The corner of her mouth pulled upward.  
She reached her hand in Kara’s direction, “Will you sit with me for a moment?”  
Kara frowned her brows in confusion but accepted the invitation without hesitation.  
Lena took her hand and squeezed it.  
“What is it?” Kara asked.  
A warm blush crept up on Lena’s cheeks, “You know I can hear every word the two of you say right?”

“Just like I can hear yours right now!” Nia made clear from her place in the living room.

“Ah… yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Kara dropped her gaze.  
“Don’t be! It distracted me from my own thoughts.” Lena made clear, “I noticed you haven’t told her everything.”  
Kara looked back into Lena’s eyes and shook her head.  
“It’s okay. You can tell her.”  
“Tell her what?” Kara asked for clarification.  
Lena smiled and simply placed Kara’s hand on her abdomen.  
Her body responded immediately to the touch.  
“Everything that also affects you...” her free hand slipped behind Kara’s neck.  
She pulled her in for a deep kiss.

Kara had an intoxicating effect on her.  
With also a warm hand on her belly her pregnancy hormones kicked in.  
If she could just lower Kara’s hand a little…  
A soft, hungry, moan escaped Lena.

“I can still hear everything!” Nia warned them.

They parted at the sound of Nia’s voice.  
“Darn,” Kara whispered.

“I heard that too!”

Lena bit her lip while Kara chuckled.  
“I’m sorry for not talking… I had a hard time dealing with Alex’s reaction and I was still processing it. But I’m really glad you came as soon as you did.”  
Kara sighed deep, “I knew it had something to do with Alex. She can be sooo…”  
No words were necessary to finish her sentence, they both knew what she meant.  
“But I’m glad you called,” she added with a smile.

“So, no pizza for Lena?”

“You want to tell her together?” Kara asked as she eyed the little bean’s hideout.  
Lena scrunched her nose, “I think this one is all yours.”

“I’m hungry!”

“Gosh, she really is a mini you!” Lena noted.

“I heard that! … And I decide to take it as a compliment.”

Kara’s eyes twinkled.  
She pressed her lips to Lena’s short but firm before she rushed towards Nia.

Lena could hear the excitement in Kara’s voice as she told Nia about the little bean and explained how it might even be hers.  
She nuzzled herself below the blankets again and decided to just listen and enjoy Kara’s happiness.

After Nia and Kara were done with their happy dances and breaking out in songs, which made Lena chuckle at the dorks, Nia asked dryly: “So, what pizza does Lena want?”

\------------------------------------------

In the following days, Lena gathered the courage to call William.  
She needed to know how he was doing.  
In the last meeting, she postponed the divorce because he was losing his mind.  
She couldn’t find it in her to kick him when he was down like that.  
But it was time to rip the bandage.  
She needed to move on for as far as possible.  
Being married to him was holding her back from starting a life with Kara.

“Are you telling him about the baby?” Kara had wondered.  
It might seem like a dirty trick, but Lena wanted to divorce him before telling him about the bean.  
The kid might not even be his.  
If it wasn’t for Kara’s persistence, she probably still wouldn’t have known she was carrying.  
Lena didn’t want to give him any ammo to delay the divorce anymore.

William was feeling better.  
The haunting had stopped and his house was feeling like a home again.  
Lena was pleased to hear that Kara had stopped torturing the poor soul.  
He was glad they were able to talk like adults and agreed upon ending this marriage as soon as possible.  
“Thank you,” Lena meant it.  
He sounded generous and kind.  
It was nice to recognize the man she once fell in love with. 

\---------------------------------------------

Kara went back to work every day.  
As a reporter.  
And as Supergirl.

Even though the place didn’t provide much privacy, it was nice to be with Kara.  
Somehow they had a silent agreement upon not to speak about what happened between them and Alex.  
Kara avoided the matter whenever Lena asked and Lena refused to tell Kara about the same topic.  
They both knew she was in pain and they were both hurt by her coping style.  
But still, Alex was respected too much to talk about her badly.

Lena did want to know what Alex said to hurt Kara, but she knew she would have to come clean about what Alex did to hurt her.  
She didn’t want to bother Kara with that.  
On her turn, Kara might be doing just the same.  
Maybe she would tell Kara after she had settled things with Alex, to not fall in the trap of grudge towards her sister.

Or maybe they were both scared to talk about Alex.  
All could be different after they had put in words how Alex had hurt them.  
Lena didn't want to think about that.  
It was easier to avoid the subject.

Kara made Lena promise to call or text her if she needed anything or didn’t feel well when she was off to work.  
She was still very protective, but with the promise, Lena met her in the middle.  
A couple of times a day she got a text or a phone call from Kara.  
She accepted that for now but hoped to lower that amount soon.

\-------------------------------------------------

Her session with Kelly had been rough.  
Kelly found it important to focus on her childhood and anything that could block her from accepting her pregnancy.

They handled a painful memory where little Lena had wet herself after Lionel had locked her in the basement and forgot about her.  
Lillian had made sure little Lena knew what a disappointment she was.  
Lena was discovering how Lex somehow was always at the basis of her trouble, but still remained clear from her bad memory.  
He caused a lot by manipulating her into doing something or saying something that would get her in trouble later.  
He would be ready to pick up the pieces and be her hero.  
His sick hero complex.  
He did to Lena what he also tried to do to Supergirl using Red Daughter.  
Make them seem like the bad guy, while he was causing destruction, only for him to come out of it all as the hero.  
He loved to be worshipped.  
The narcissistic asshole.  
And he longed to be worshipped by her.  
She was broken so many times, sometimes literally.  
He was there to pick her up.  
To clean her wounds.  
And to make her feel like he was the only one who cared about her.  
Making her feel dependent on him.  
She would do anything for him.  
And she did.  
It was sickening how she had fallen for that trick for so many years.

Lena had unlocked the door to Kara’s apartment.  
She knew she would arrive in an empty house, with Kara being at work.  
The entire road home, Lena had kept her head up.  
She had been strong.  
Her cheeks were still dry.  
But her posture was about to break.  
She longed for a heartbreaking cry.  
Letting all the pain flow out in tears.  
Even though she needed an arm around her, she was so torn, she was unable to send a message before she fell apart.

With her back slammed against the inside of the front door she slid down.  
Her loud sobs were not only embarrassing, but they have also freed her from hurt.  
Hurt she had put in a box and hid away deep in the back of her consciousness.  
That box was open now and the content was scattered all over the place.  
Kelly had warned her this would probably set her back.  
She might feel lost and worse than she was before she started her therapy.  
But this was her cleaning out her chest of treasures.  
They were getting rid of unnecessary ballast that was dragging her down.  
She needed to make room for all the treasures she would stumble upon in the upcoming years.  
Without fear, she deserved happiness.  
To achieve that, she needs to go through her own personal hell first.  
But she is not alone, Kelly had made that clear.  
She has Kara and Sam and Kelly and…  
“Alex?” Lena had whimpered.  
“Yes, Alex!” Kelly had ensured her.

She hid her head between her knees.  
The little Lena ball against the door couldn’t have been smaller, both physically and mentally.

A shockwave went through her when she felt a hand on her shoulder.  
With a loud gasp, she jerked her head to look into dark hazel brown eyes.  
Alex had set herself down next to her.

Lena was confused to see Alex.  
She looked her deep in her eyes to search for her intentions.  
There was no fear or anger Lena felt while gazing into her soul.  
Alex gave her a feeling of protection, safety, and compassion.

This wasn’t the same Alex that had called her a whore.  
This was the Alex who put her to bed when she was scared.  
This was the Alex who lightened her mood with a sarcastic joke.  
This was the Alex who gave her a sticker for a concussion.  
This was the Alex who dried her tears when she was sad.  
This was the Alex who would protect her when people spoke ill of her.

“Lena… I am so sorry!”  
Her voice trembled.

For now, it didn’t matter why Alex was here.  
Lena needed a friend.  
As if her soul had called out for one, Alex now sat beside her answering her call of despair.

Lena threw herself against the auburn-haired woman.  
What had happened between them didn’t matter.  
Lena didn’t care.  
Alex was not a threat.

Protective arms wrapped around Lena and held her.  
She needed that safe and strong shoulder to cry on.

Against all her expectations she had found that with Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I hope you liked this chapter.
> 
> Yes, I know it's still unclear who the other parent is!  
> When the time is right this will get all the attention it deserves.  
> All in good time.
> 
> Leave a comment if you want.  
> I would like that.


	15. Unstable Bromance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Lena have an honest conversation.  
> They share their perspective and listen to each other.  
> Lena's hormones might get in the way of giving a calm response to everything Alex has to say.  
> When she gets triggered, she gives Alex an ultimatum.

After her tears stopped rolling and her heartbeat evened out a suffocating silence took the place of comfort and friendship.  
A clear mind and calm spirit caused an icy grip on her heart as she took in the sight of the sorrowful woman.

Different emotions got mixed into a bowl of confusion swirling Lena’s entire being.  
She knew Alex had been a good friend to her before and she was hurting, but despite all that Alex had also intimidated her and used her venom to speak the Luthor name, on top of that she called her a whore.

Lena waited patiently in the kitchen for the water to boil.  
Her arms were crossed as she skeptically observed the nervous woman who had set herself down at a chair in the living room.

No words were spilled serving the tea.

Lena took her place on the couch and awaited Alex’s apology.  
She witnessed how Alex shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  
Patiently she waited, after all… Alex came to her, it would only be fitted for her to start the conversation.  
Lena forced herself to get comfortable, she leaned back and sipped her tea.

The water burned her lips making her flinch.  
She had been so fixated on appearing in control that she didn’t give the tea time to cool down.  
Lena hoped Alex would be able to gain her trust back, she missed what they had.

Halfway her cup, Alex cleared her throat.  
“Thank you for not sending me away,” she started.  
“I couldn’t do that after…” Lena bit her tongue.

She was annoyed with how, in her moment of weakness, she dropped her walls and took shelter with Alex.  
It looked as if one ‘sorry’ was enough for Lena to forgive her, but that was not the case.  
Lena needed a shoulder to cry on and Alex happened to be there… for her.

Alex dropped her gaze, “Yeah… well… how are you feeling now?”  
Lena was so on edge she wanted to snap at her, she really did… but she was exhausted and more fighting only drained her energy.  
“Tired,” she sighed honestly.  
Alex got the hint Lena didn’t want to talk about herself and nodded.

“I… shouldn’t have said what I said,” she softly stammered.  
Without feeling the need to react, Lena listened to her.  
Alex had to do better than just a simple ‘sorry’.

It took a few minutes before Alex had gathered her words again, “I saw your eyes change,” she admitted, “I never meant to scare or hurt you… In fact, none of it had anything to do with you. I’m not even mad at you or disappointed...”  
“Then why, Alex?” Lena had to get it off her chest, “Why did you get in my face? Why were you intimidating me? Why did you call me a whore?”  
Tears welled in her eyes as she panted with hurt, “Why did you use so much venom when you called me a Luthor?” her nostrils flared, her eyes narrowed and her voice cracked.  
Alex couldn’t answer.  
She clenched her fists and looked away.  
“WHY?!” Lena screamed at her.  
“Because I’m a pathetic jealous bitch!” she yelled back.

Her words silenced Lena.  
There was no blame toward her.  
This was a sadness conflicted with self-hate. 

Alex was shivering with tears sliding down her cheeks.  
“I’m sorry, Lee… I know… I should be happy for you… and I am… but I want a kid… so badly… I want to be… a mom…”  
Her sobs cracked the iced walls around Lena’s heart.  
Alex was sitting across from her, beaten down from battling her own trauma.

Torn between stubbornness and compassion, Lena hesitated with a sigh.  
One look upon the disconsolate human being took her doubt away.  
She couldn’t let her suffer like this alone.  
Lena did something she had rarely done for Alex before, it was usually the other way around.  
She got out of her seat and strolled over to wrap her arms around the weeping woman.

Close to her chest, she cradled Alex’s head, “It’s okay to be sad Alex. Cry it out… I’ve got you!”  
It was as if Alex let all her sorrow go with the permission she got from Lena.  
Her cries were so desperate, Lena was convinced she could feel Alex’s pain ripping her heart apart.

Silently she cried with her.  
She cried for her.  
It was unfair.  
All was unfair.  
Lena was scared to death by motherhood, while Alex longed for nothing more.  
Life had been unfair to both of them.

The tea was cold by the time they were able to speak without sniffing or sobbing.  
A cloak of sorrow had fallen upon the women.  
Lena had taken the seat nearest to Alex.  
From there she stared at her fumbling fingers.

Alex had poured her heart out in her arms and even though Lena didn’t know what was going on inside her head, she understood Alex's pain wasn’t inflicted by her.  
She wanted to ask Alex because she wanted to understand what had happened to her.  
Why did she react the way she did?  
Opening a conversation like that proved to be more difficult than she imagined.  
Still… Alex deserved her ear for she had been hers for so many days and even nights in the last couple of months.

“Alex?” Lena had to swallow to undo her throat from the dryness, “W… What happened to you?”  
She remained silent.  
Her only reaction came in the form of knitted eyebrows.  
Lena tried to clarify, “When you found out about my pregnancy… What happened to you?”  
She wanted to be there for Alex, but she couldn’t just let her reactions slide as if nothing happened.

Alex shook her head slowly.  
She opened her mouth a couple of times, but no words came out.

“Listen… You have been cruel to me, Alex. You went out of line… A sorry is nice, but it’s not enough for me. You triggered me badly!” Lena used some tough love to break her silence.  
“Don’t get me wrong. I want to forgive you, I honestly do. But I need to understand your side of this story.”

“I… I could use a drink,” Alex nearly begged her.  
Lena got up and poured them both a warm cup of tea.  
She put the cups down at the table and awaited Alex’s story.  
Alex's eyes found Lena, “I could really use something stronger…”  
A week ago, Lena would have given her a scotch without a second thought, even at this hour of the day.  
Ever since she got a gun pointed in her face by her intoxicated friend, her thoughts on Alex and alcohol had changed.

Lena took another trip to the kitchen.  
When she got back she threw a teabag in Alex’s cup, “Let it soak longer!” she instructed.  
“Lena, that’s not what I…” she looked up at Lena, who stood in front of her with crossed arms and a pulled up eyebrow.  
Lena dared her to object.  
Alex gave up her fight with a sigh, “Thank you.” 

Stammering and insecure Alex tried to explain her side of the story.  
How all these years all the disappointments had stacked within her.  
She had broken up an engagement because she wanted to become a mother.  
Of course, that turned out for the better because she is with Kelly now, who wants to start a family with her…  
But that doesn’t change the fact that she gave up love for her desire for motherhood.  
Alex had given up her job as an agent, she became director of the DEO after that, but even though she liked that position it never satisfied her like her job as a field agent provided her with.

“I have sacrificed so much, Lee…” she was opening up.  
“The mother that changed her mind and kept her baby… And a while ago the adoption agency that told me I wasn’t interesting enough… That hurt a lot.”  
Lena could see a shame creep up on Alex’s face.  
“It’s like nobody wants me to be a mother… Like some higher power is trying to tell me that no matter how much I give up… a child is not meant for me. I was starting to lose hope.”  
Her voice trembled and a tear escaped her eye.  
Lena watched how she was caving in beneath the weight of her disappointments.  
“And then… You turned out to be pregnant…” Alex sniffed, “It was a punch in the face… Like life was trying to tell me: ‘You see that? She doesn’t even try and she gets a kid. Face it loser, motherhood is not for you!’ and I couldn’t take it anymore.” 

Alex broke down sobbing and Lena understood.  
She understood what happened to Alex.  
This was her trauma.  
A trauma that was getting bigger with each setback.  
And Lena’s situation was the final straw for her to lose it.  
Her condition was the trigger that set Alex off.

Still processing all the bits of her puzzle Alex just handed to her, a defeated sob cried out, “I’ll have to face it. I’ll never be a mom.”

An urge to correct her took over, “No!”  
She sat down at the table in front of Alex and took her hands.  
“You are going to be a mother! You are born to be a mother and you are so ready! I promise you, I will do everything within my power to make sure you’ll become a mother,” Lena hadn’t sounded so determined in a while.  
Alex’s teary face looked up at Lena.  
She wanted to believe her, Lena could see it in her eyes.  
Lena took a lock of hair that was sticking to her teary wet face and put it behind her ear.  
“Don’t lose hope, Alex. You will have a child of your own, I’m positive,” she ensured her.  
Alex’s pained face seemed to soften, a small smile even cracked through.  
“You seem so sure… How?” Alex trembled.  
A nod was all Lena needed to do, but she added, “Even if I have to defy the laws of nature and create a child myself… You are going to be a mom!”  
It was a silly and impulsive suggestion that wouldn’t be very ethical… but it made Alex laugh and that was all she wanted to hear. 

“I’m having visions of you in a lab with lightning and creating Frankenstein’s monster!” she chuckled.  
“First of all… you underestimate me. I would create a baby, not a monster!” she smirked, “Second… My name is not Frankenstein. I will create Luthor’s baby!” Lena quirked her eyebrow cocky.  
Alex's laughter died out and got replaced by an endeared smile.  
“It looks like you are already creating Luthor’s baby,” she tipped her head in the direction of Lena’s belly.

Lena’s hand moved to her abdomen on its own accord.  
She could feel her face heat up when she caught her fingertips touching the place that would soon swell with life.  
To her own surprise, she started to smile.

Lena Luthor was indeed creating a Luthor baby in there and the thought of that caused mixed feelings.  
“Alex… I’m scared!” she pushed the little cheer inside her heart aside.  
Fear was a far more familiar feeling to the woman who grew up in the loveless Luthor household.  
If she dared to let happiness in, the bean would become real.  
The pregnancy still terrified her too much to be accepted as real.

A squeeze at her hand dragged her out of her head.  
“You don’t have to be… You’ve got me!” Alex assured her with a smile.

Alex had calmed down.  
In the past few days, she has accepted Lena’s pregnancy and managed to see it separate from her own losses regarding motherhood.  
She wanted to be a part of the little bean’s life.  
Lena was already convinced by the love Kara could give to the child.  
With Alex’s natural parenting skills, she had the pleasure to witness more than once in the past few months, she would have another person at her back.  
Even if she would fall from grace or something were to happen to her… the child would be in good hands with auntie Alex and Kara.

Besides the Danvers sisters, Sam has also offered her guidance.  
Lena was hesitant towards her offer.  
Not because she didn’t have faith in Sam’s expertise, on the contrary, she looks up to Sam which makes Lena only able to fail in Sam’s eyes.

Even though it wasn’t unbearable anymore, the air in the room still felt heavy.  
Lena returned to her seat at the couch, but their positioning was not what was bothering them.  
Alex had explained her side of the story, it would only be fair to both of them if Lena opened up and shared what Alex’s actions did with her.  
If she wanted Alex in the little bean’s life, she needed a fully clean slate.  
She needed to get off her chest what happened to her because of Alex’s reaction.

“C-can we be open and honest with each other?” Lena stammered.  
Alex took a deep breath and flared her nostrils before answering, “I think that will be wise.”

During her explanation, her hesitant start evolved into a clear description of her thought process and emotions.  
She told her how she couldn’t speak or move the first few hours after and Kara could do nothing more than hold her.  
How she didn’t want to face Nia at first.  
Talking about how her body reacted to Alex’s outburst made her feel vulnerable and strong at the same time.  
Vulnerable because she was talking about some of her weakest hours.  
Strong because she was able to talk about her weakest hour and not blame herself.  
Neither did she blame Alex.  
These were the facts that had happened and they both had to deal with them.

Alex listened patiently until Lena was done talking.  
She dropped her head in shame.  
“I… I don’t know what to say… except I’m sorry.”  
“I know you are,” that wasn’t the goal of Lena’s input.  
She already had her sorry and she believed Alex the first time.  
“I thought you needed to know what it did to me,” suddenly Lena got the idea she might come across as cruel and vengeful which was not what she was trying to achieve.  
She searched for a way to correct herself, “I mean… I know you acted from hurt and you didn’t plan on hurting me… I truly believe that! But still… you did.”  
The absence of words coming from Alex was starting to irritate Lena.  
Lena swallowed a lump in her throat, “You also hurt Kara… Kelly apologized on your behalf and Kara wove it off… but I found her crying at the balcony. She never told me what happened… What did you do?”  
She remembered the tears Kara was oppressing.  
How she could feel the pain of her loved one.  
Anger found her way into her voice for the one she loved so dearly.  
“What did you do to your sister, Alex?” she repeated when Alex remained quiet.

The way Alex was trembling softened Lena yet again.  
She was all out of words for now it was time for Alex to answer.

After a silence in which Alex had gathered her courage, she took a deep breath in preparation.  
“I… I can’t remember clearly,” she admitted, “I think I called her a moron for thinking the kid could be hers…”  
She bowed her head in shame and clenched her fists on her lap.  
“I might even have called her retarded for thinking she could even impregnate you.”  
Lena jaw dropped, “Oh no…”  
She knew how harsh she had been to Kara that day.  
Adding this knowledge, Kara deserved to be pampered 24/7 in Lena’s opinion.

Sudden anger rushed over her.  
She knew of all the hurt Alex was battling at that moment, still, it didn’t stop her from lashing out.  
“How the hell can you not remember clearly calling your sister a retard? How could you break her down like that? She was so happy and you ruined that moment for her!”  
Lena knew she wasn’t being fair as she herself had also scolded Kara because she was incapable of dealing with her happiness.  
She justified that knowledge by having compassion for her own reasoning for scolding Kara and the fact that she did everything within her power to make it up to her.  
Standing in front of Alex gave her the urge to defend her love who had been done wrong.

Alex defended herself, “I’ve had some drinks-”  
“You have a bad drunk!” Lena angrily threw at her before she could finish.  
“Look who's talking!” Alex bit back.  
“I have a self-destructive, sad, shutting the world out and drowning in my own sorrow -drunk. You have an I might go down, but I will destroy you first because everything is your fault -drunk!” Lena yelled.  
Alex gave ground, but Lena wasn’t done with her.  
“I just wanted to be left alone and process. I couldn’t handle her happiness. But you?... You hurt everyone who came within your reach: Kara, Kelly, me… You grab for that fucking bottle as soon as things get tough… I know I am no saint either when it comes to dealing with setbacks, but you… You blame everyone except yourself! The world is against you, you grab for the bottle and inflict pain on others as if you want them to hurt as you do!”  
Lena got her word vomit out.  
She was still panting while slowly returning to a state of reason.

Aware of the truth in Lena’s raging release, Alex became self-aware and trembled in her seat.  
“I… I know I do… But-”  
“No buts, Alex… You will have to change!”  
Somehow, Lena found herself in a position to make demands.  
She wanted Alex to change for her own sake because Alex was a great human being with one destructive flaw.  
Lena had another reason for pushing Alex to become better…  
She sighed deeply and tried to not sound unreasonable, “Look… I want you in my child’s life. The little bean’s life will be so much better with aunt Alex to count on, I strongly believe that! But… I don’t want my kid to ever find you in this state, let alone hurt my little one with words or worse. So, I want you to sober up before the baby is born, if not… You will not be a part of my child’s life!”

Alex’s eyes grew large as she processed the threat inflicted upon her by her pregnant friend.  
Lena witnessed how the auburn-haired woman was gasping for air and wondered if she should have chosen her words more carefully.  
She felt sorry for her and searched for a way to comfort her after everything she had said.  
On her knees in front of Alex, she took her hands and said, “I’m sorry for being so harsh on you, but you do have a problem-”  
“I have to go,” Alex interrupted her with a shiver in her voice.  
She pulled her hands out of Lena’s grip and walked out, leaving Lena on her knees in front of the chair.

“Shit!”

\---------------------------------------

A soft humming angelic voice awoke Lena.  
The sound was caressing her soul so much, she was afraid it would stop if she opened her eyes.  
It took her a couple of minutes to realize Kara wasn’t humming to her…  
She was humming to her belly.  
Slightly annoyed because the attention was focussed on the inhabitant of her womb and not to her she whined, “Kara… Sing to me, I am the baby now!”

Lena was feeling bad for the way she acted towards Alex.  
She didn’t know what had gotten into her to be so mean.  
Though Alex totally deserved it in Lena’s opinion.  
Because of her already tough session with Kelly and her encounter with Alex, she had been exhausted.  
After Alex left she dragged herself to the bed and fell asleep within seconds.

Kara had chuckled and started playing with Lena’s hair.  
_“Somewhere over the rainbow…”_  
She was singing a song from the wizard of oz…  
‘Of course, she was,’ Lena thought.  
Kara was predictable in that way.  
_“Way up high.”_  
Lena could not be annoyed with her for long.  
Not with the way this Kryptonian Angel sang to her.  
She snuggled her back against Kara, feeling an arm wrap around her waist with a hand resting on her belly.  
The blonde didn’t miss a note during her gentle interaction.

She rounded up with a kiss at the back of Lena’s head.  
“Had a rough therapy session, my rainbow bear?” she asked.  
Lena nodded.

The session was also bugging her.  
She was such a fool for falling for Lex’s manipulation all those years.  
It drove her mad he had used a little girl like that.  
A little girl who knew nothing of life and he indoctrinated her.  
He was the only one she could trust or so she thought for many years.  
How could he?  
She was a defenseless four-year-old who had just lost her mother.  
Nobody was protecting her anymore.  
She had been lonely for far too long.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kara asked softly.  
“Maybe later,” Lena sighed, “Alex was here… We talked and it was actually going okay I think… until…”  
She hesitated for a moment.  
“Until what?”  
Kara’s warm breath in her neck made her feel cared for.  
“Until she told me what she had said to you… I became pretty angry, blamed her alcohol abuse and awful coping style… I’m sorry.”  
Lena expected a judgment from Kara.  
The two sisters always protected each other, no matter what.

To her surprise, Kara chuckled.  
“I also blame her alcohol. She is such a horrible drunk! But it’s rather funny you, of all people, point that out to her… You might be the one who can get through to her though.”  
Lena switched from side to face the piercing sapphire blue eyes.  
“What do you mean by that?” she was confused.  
Kara’s expression was concerned, “Kelly and I already tried to get through to her the last couple of days, but she is in denial of her problem… Since you and she are both a fan of the alcoholic coping style, she might take you more seriously. If you even think it’s a problem… she might listen… Alex and I talked by the way. We did make it up to each other.”  
“You have? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
She shrugs, “I didn’t want you to feel pressured to talk to her… Besides… I thought she should come to you… How did she react?”  
“Well…” being aware of her cruelty, she bit her lip and looked away, “She didn’t deny…”  
“I feel a ‘but’ coming,” Kara filled the silence Lena had dropped.  
“But I kinda threatened her she wouldn’t get to be a part of our child’s life if she didn’t sober up. After that, she ran off,” Lena admitted.

Kara went silent with her mouth standing agape.  
“I’m sorry, I think I went too Luthor on her,” Lena apologized.  
She stared at a face growing softer and shaking slowly from left to right.  
“Don’t be… If this doesn’t work, nothing will. Besides… You can never be too Luthor for me!”  
She kissed Lena with tenderness.  
The touch of those soft lips on hers soothed Lena’s worries away.

Kara parted with a pained expression that brought Lena’s concern back to mind.  
“Is it… okay if I go and check on her? Just to make sure she is safe?” Kara asked her.  
Lena was endeared by the concern Kara showed for her sister and still checked with her if it was okay to go now.

Lena would feel better to know Alex was doing alright.  
“Yes, please!” she nodded.  
“Great,” Kara kissed her cheek.  
The departure from the bed left Lena with a chill making her already missing Kara’s warmth.  
“Oh… Can you bring pizza on the way back?” Lena suggested.  
Kara turned around with a cheeky smile, “You know I can’t say ‘no’ to pizza.”  
“With pineapple…” Lena worded her cravings, “And mushrooms!”  
Kara pulled up her nose in disgust, “Okay, first of all: iew to that combination… Second: are you even allowed to have mushrooms?”

The diet of a baby growing machine is different from what Lena was used to, although she never ate pineapple with mushrooms before.  
She hadn’t even thought about the restriction she would have to endure yet.  
Thankfully Kara did.  
But the confrontation with her state made her grumpy.  
“I don’t know… Ask Sam!” she bit at Kara.

\--------------------------------------------

“I brought you pizza, several kinds of ice cream and I’m going to cover you in kisses now!”  
Kara jumped on the bed, where Lena was still hiding from the world and pecked her lips at every place she could find skin.  
“Stop it, Kara!” she groaned.  
But Kara appeared to be unable to stop kissing her.  
Lena turned her head away, “I said: Stop it!”  
The raising of her voice could not be ignored by the cheerful blonde.  
“Why? What’s wrong?”  
Kara’s concerned eyes and gentle touch to the side of her face turned Lena’s mood around.

She had been restless ever since Kara left.  
Still tired she tried to catch some sleep, but she couldn’t.  
Her mind was overactive and empty at the same time.  
Today had been so much already and she still had to get through the evening.  
She just wanted the day to end.  
Maybe she even wanted everything to end.  
All her pain and worries.  
All her doubts and fears.

“I… I can’t anymore, Kara… I’m so done!” her lower lip was trembling as her voice was cracking.  
Kara’s fingers tangled in Lena’s hair, “Done with what, sweetheart?”  
Lena couldn’t answer, she didn’t know what she meant exactly.  
A tear rolled down her face, “I don’t know… Everything… I’m so tired, Kar… My head is exhausting me… I don’t want to think anymore, I want it to stop!” she sniffed.  
Kara sighed deeply while caressing Lena’s hair.  
Lena searched desperately for her savior in Kara.  
“Will you allow me to think for you today?” Kara suggested, “I will take care of everything and try to make you feel comfortable. You will only have to say ‘no’ if you don’t want to do something or if you want something to stop. Beside that… just follow my lead, okay?”

A part of her would like to stay in bed and hide, a very small part of her knew she had to eat and move a little, but motivating herself was hard.

Kara stood next to her and held out her hands, “You didn’t say ‘no’. Take my hands, we are going to eat some pizza!”

Even though Lena felt down, she was well taken care of.  
Kara had gotten her pineapple and mushrooms on her pizza after getting informed by Sam her cravings weren’t harming the baby.

Lena was snuggling against Kara on the couch with a blanket wrapped around them and a bucket of ice cream for both of them.  
The wizard of oz had been put on by Kara because they both already knew the movie, this made it more comforting to watch according to the blonde.

“I want to tell you about Alex...” Kara gave Lena time to tell her ‘no’ if she didn’t want that information right now.  
Lena feared Alex might not have been okay because of her, but Kara sounded so upbeat it made her curious.  
“Okay, I will tell you… You can say ‘no’ at any time, remember that,” Kara informed her with a smile.  
Thankful she didn’t have to say a word, she smiled back.  
Two soft lips landed on her cheek and lingered there for a few seconds.

“Okay,” Kara grinned relieved, “I went to Alex as fast as possible. Kelly was still at work, so Alex had to be alone there. As soon as I opened the door, I could hear glass bottles clinking…”

_Kara’s heart skipped a beat when she heard the sound coming from the kitchen.  
Alex could be unpredictable when dealing with grief in any form.  
In the past, she had been self-destructive, mainly by intoxicating herself.  
There had been moments Kara feared she had to take her sister to the hospital because of alcohol poisoning.  
She has had nightmares of finding Alex suffocated in her own vomit.  
Until now, that had never happened and Kara hoped it never would.  
As the rumbling sounds continued, one thing was certain… Alex was still alive and conscious._

_She was cautious in approaching the woman in the kitchen.  
Alex was holding herself steady at the countertop.  
A sob that escaped from her was Kara’s cue to make her presence known.  
She gently placed her hand on Alex’s shoulder, “Are you okay?”_

_Alex dropped her head backward and sucked up her tears.  
“I’m okay! Why are you here?” she sniffed, pretending to be tough.  
Her eyes were red from crying.  
She acted indifferently but Kara knew her sister too well.  
With the words, “It’s okay to not be okay,” she pulled Alex in for a hug._

_It was clear to her Alex needed to be held for she showed no resistance.  
She sank into Kara almost immediately and held her tight.  
Loud cries of sorrow echoed through the room. _

Lena wondered if she should say ‘no’ now.  
Hearing how in pain Alex was tearing at her heart.

Kara casually scooped up some ice cream before continuing her story.  
Lena had doubted too long.

“Her crying didn’t even take that long. She has been worse, to be honest…”

_“Thanks, I…” Alex puffed out some air, “I needed that,” she smiled.  
She looked even calmer than the day before when the sisters had a heartfelt conversation and made up.  
“That’s what sisters are for,” Kara shrugs friendly._

_Many bottles were scattered all around the kitchen.  
None of them contained liquor, even all the beer bottles were empty.  
With that amount, Alex should be passed out._

_“What were you doing?” Kara looked at her sister in wonder.  
“Well… Lena kinda gave me an ultimatum…” Alex nervously scratched her neck.  
“She got me angry… I thought she was being a hypocrite and she was overreacting. I blamed her pregnancy hormones and her Luthor genes… She was just wrong!”_

_Kara crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter awaiting the rest of her story.  
A quirked smile formed Alex’s mouth._

_“I got home and pulled out a bottle of wine… When I was swallowing my first sips reality hit me… I was blaming everything but myself. I was coping with alcohol out of anger, out of sorrow, out of fear… Fear for never meeting my nephew or niece!”  
Kara’s heart warmed at the description Alex used for Lena’s child.  
“And I wasn’t going to let that happen… I don’t know if I’m ever going to be a mom myself, only time will tell… But Lena is certainly going to be and she wants that with you. And if you are correct, it will even be yours!”_

_Kara beamed at the acknowledgment that the baby could be hers.  
She could feel in every fiber of her being this child was hers.  
The love she felt for this little bean was too much to not be hers.  
A little half Kryptonian growing inside the woman she loved.  
She was going to teach it everything about Krypton and reporting and delicious food, and Lena was going to teach it everything about science and fencing and chess... _

_“I was looking at that open bottle of wine and it felt a now or never moment. Like I was at a crosspoint in my life… My choices were: Keep on drinking and blaming others… or find another way to deal with my shit, quit the alcohol, and become a part of your child’s life...”  
Alex opened a cabin and took out the final two bottles.  
She popped them open, “The choice wasn’t that hard… But seeing everything run down the drain was scary.”  
Alex watched the content of the bottles disappear into the sink.  
Her body was shaking when she put them down on the counter._

_Kara dropped her jaw.  
Her sister’s love for their child won from her lifelong coping.  
Alex had tried to change before, but she never seemed determined enough to succeed in the long run._

_“I’m so proud of you!” she complimented her sister.  
A blush appeared on Alex’s cheeks, “Don’t cheer too soon. The kid isn’t born yet…”  
Kara smiled, “I will help you, Alex. And I’m sure Kelly will as well.”  
“I’m going to ask Kelly if she has a recommendation for me. Someone who specializes in dealing with failures like me,” she beat herself up.  
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Kara chuckled, “I’m sure Kelly will find the best help for you.”  
Alex nodded.  
“I did consider just trying to hide my drinking better. Making sure Lena wouldn’t find out-”  
“Lena would find out!” Kara interrupted.  
“Let’s assume she doesn’t and not interrupt your big sister talking!”  
With her fingers pinched together Kara gestured from the left side of her mouth to the right as if she was zipping it.  
“Good! So, Lena would never find out I was hiding my drinking because I’m very good at that! But Lena was right… I have hurt the people I loved most in my drunken state: You, Kelly… and Lena. And I never want your child to know me like that. To see me like that or get hurt by me… I know not drinking doesn’t mean I won’t be lashing out at you guys anymore, maybe it is a bad character trait… But at least I can’t blame the alcohol and have to take my own responsibility.” _

Lena’s eyes grew large in disbelief, “You are lying!”  
“Would I ever?” Kara smirked.  
“You are not seriously asking me if you would ever lie to me…” Lena pulled up her eyebrow.  
Kara pressed her lips together, “Point taken… But no! This really happened.”  
Lena had trouble believing her ears.  
She had to see how Alex changed before she was going to pull out the confetti cannons.

“We talked about you and me, the little bean, and how to find out if the child really is mine… Alex feared a normal DNA test during pregnancy might put you in danger if the kid is Kryptonian. We would have to wait until the little bean is born… I must confess, I don’t think I can wait that long before knowing…”

Lena knew about Kara’s desire to know, she could feel it.  
Knowing who the parent was could help her forward as well.  
It could open a door to shutting William out of her life for good, or they had to find a way to deal with William as the father of her child for the rest of his life.

“Alex suggested for us to go to Argo together. Maybe my mother has answers.”  
Kara’s eyes were that kind of hopeful puppy eyes Lena couldn’t refuse.

This would mean Lena was going to travel the galaxy with Kara to the remains of a planet Kara grew up on.  
She would be introduced to Kara’s mother as her pregnant girlfriend who might be carrying Kara’s child.  
That would be a nice meet up with Alura again.  
As terrifying as that sounded, Lena decided, “I want to go and find out!”  
Kara squeaked in happiness.  
“But… I have an appointment to divorce William this Wednesday. After the paperwork is done, we can go. Okay?” Lena suggested.  
Kara answered with a kiss.

“I love you, you know that?”  
Lena smiled, “I know that.” 

\--------------------------------------------

The following days Lena had trouble getting out of bed.  
Her encounter with Alex and her therapy session had taken its toll on her.  
Empty and burned down she only got herself out of bed to go to the bathroom.  
With some motivational help from Kara, she ate something and even showered once.  
Alex had sent her messages she wanted to meet up, but Lena couldn’t find it in herself to respond, Kara stayed in contact with Alex for her.

This went on until Monday when Kara got home from her session with Kelly, feeling down and lost.  
She dropped down on the couch and curled herself in a blanket.  
Seeing her like that gave Lena the boost to get out of bed and take care of Kara.  
She had done enough recovering the last few days and Kara had been so good to her, it was time for her to step up.

Kara got pampered with hot chocolate, kisses, a shoulder to cry on, and tender hugs.  
Lena was stroking Kara’s hair while she was laying on her lap listening to the baby’s heartbeat.  
The sound had a magical effect on Kara’s tension and mood.  
She softened up completely.

Lena couldn’t find it in herself to move Kara, so she read a book for a while.  
As time passed, the end of the afternoon got closer and Lena got an idea.  
“Kara darling… I need you to get off my lap,” she announced.  
Big blue disappointed eyes looked up at her.  
“I’m going to cook for you!” she gave away.  
Kara sat up and frowned her brows, “You cook?”  
“Kelly taught me some recipes, let me surprise you. Just lay back and I will go to the grocery store and prepare your favorite food.”

The potstickers Lena treated Kara with that evening lifted her spirits.  
It was unknown to her how much satisfaction she could gain from seeing a person enjoy her creation so intensely.  
“Okay, that’s it…” Kara was still chewing while talking, “I am never going to let you go! You’re perfect.”

Perfect.  
Lena had never been called perfect.  
She had never been good enough.  
Emotions got the better of her and she started crying.

Kara put her plate down and held her in her arms, “What’s wrong?” she worried.  
“You called me perfect,” Lena wept, “Nobody has ever called me perfect.”  
She knew how stupid she sounded and Kara knew it too.  
“Pregnancy hormones are stupid, aren’t they, honey?” Kara chuckled.  
Lena nodded, “Yeah… they don’t make sense.”

\---------------------------------------------

Walking into Noonan’s the following day, Alex was already waiting for her at a table.  
Lena had finally responded to the messages she received from the woman.  
She expected to be tensed or hesitant when they would see each other again, but none of that was true.  
Meeting up with Alex was like seeing a good friend again.  
In fact, that was exactly what was happening.  
Alex had a serene glow over her and greeted Lena with a smile.

She started by thanking her for the tough love and not holding back.  
Even though Lena already knew what Alex did after their talk, it was nice to hear the story from Alex’s perspective.

“I know Kara is very optimistic and wants to believe I’m good now, but let’s be real... I’m afraid I will have difficult times and I… I just don’t want to fail,” Alex came clean about her insecurities.  
Lena encouraged her by squeezing her hand, “I know… I also know you can do it and you don’t have to do it alone!”  
The dropping of her gaze made Alex look more insecure than she already did.  
“If you feel like drinking, don’t hesitate to call me!” Lena offered, “Like I said: I want you in my baby’s life. I need your help in raising this child. If that means getting called in the middle of the night because my friend needs me, I will gladly take that.”

Twinkling brown eyes looked up at her, “You said: my baby!” she smiled.  
It must have slipped Lena without thinking, “I… I guess I did,” she surprised herself.  
She had no idea when calling the little bean ‘my child’ had slipped in or how long she had been doing it.  
The realization hit her that she had been protecting her kid already.  
Maybe she had already started accepting the baby without knowing.

Lena tried to focus on her lunch but her attention got drawn by the little human growing inside her.  
“It’s still so unreal,” she confessed, “I can’t wrap my head around it… I don’t feel anything, I don’t hear anything, I’m not growing… I just feel sick and emotional, other than that the baby is only an idea.”  
Alex swallowed her food with a thoughtful look on her face.  
Like she just figured out the meaning of life, a cocky smile appeared on her face, “You know we can just do an ultrasound in the medbay and listen to the heartbeat. You could even see the little bean.”

Excitement sparkled in Alex’s eyes, almost too much for Lena to resist the offer.  
It was tempting for Lena to turn down and continue to live in denial for as long as possible, but she would have to face reality eventually.  
She was slowly growing into the thought, maybe it was time to cut the cord.  
The pregnancy still scared the crap out of her, but with Alex and Kara’s support, she just might be willing to face it.

She filled her lungs with a gulp of air in her attempt to suck in her courage.  
Slow and steady she let all her fear flow out.  
“Okay… But I want Kara with me!” she demanded with a pout.

\------------------------------------------

Nauseated with nerves Lena was trying to settle herself on the examination table in her own lab.  
She would feel a lot better with Kara by her side.  
The reporter was stuck in the middle of an interview but promised to come as soon as possible.  
Alex, who agreed to not start without Kara, was setting up the equipment.

The noise Alex produced in the quiet lab made Lena even more anxious.  
“Do you think the child could really be Kara’s?” she asked.  
The question was merely meant to fill the void caused by the silence.  
After the words left her lips, she realized she did want to talk about the possibility with someone other than Kara, who strongly seemed to believe the child is hers.

Alex rounded up what she was doing, “I don’t know… Kara seems to think it’s possible.”  
“Yeah… Kara…” Lena sighed.  
She came to sit next to Lena, “What do you think?”  
“I truly hope it’s Kara’s,” her answer came out quickly, almost as if she had rehearsed it many times in her mind.  
Alex shook her head, “I didn’t ask what you hoped. I think we all hope it’s Kara’s, including me.”  
A cold feeling wrapped itself around Lena’s heart.  
“Do you think it’s Kara’s?” Alex asked again.  
Her tone was inviting and kind, but also worried and motherly.  
She asked for honesty, not for a socially acceptable answer.

Lena concentrated her gaze on her fidgeting fingers.  
“I’m afraid it’s not hers,” she admitted.  
It was a gut feeling she had never been able to shake off but also never had been able to talk about.  
“I… can’t explain. Maybe it’s because I don’t dare to hope, but something just tells me it’s William’s.”  
Alex scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her, allowing Lena to rest her head on Alex’s shoulder.  
“What if I’m right, Alex? What if the kid isn’t Kara’s? She is so excited. I don’t want to take that away from her…” a panic was taking over control.  
“Concentrate on your breathing, Lee!” Alex corrected her calmly.  
“If the child is indeed William’s… Kara will be disappointed, and so will you, and so will I… We will figure it out together! It’s no use worrying about it as long as we don’t know, okay?” she soothed Lena.  
Alex squeezed Lena in a tight embrace as she had done many times before when Lena was losing herself.

“I’m glad to see you two made up!” Kara announced her presence, “Hey Rainbow!”  
She kissed Lena’s temple, “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah…” Lena nodded, “Just nervous.”  
“Don’t be. You’ll love it!” Kara took Alex’s place in holding Lena and comforting her.

Even though she was with Alex and Kara, she felt vulnerable with her abdomen exposed to the two women.  
They both had seen a lot more of her than just some belly skin, but now the focus was completely on her body.  
Even worse... on what was inside of her.

Lena’s muscles contracted when a cold liquid splattered on her belly.  
She gasped for air from the sudden shock her skin had to endure.  
“This can be cold,” Alex warned deliberately late with a nasty smile.  
“Fuck you, Danvers!” Lena scolded her.

“I thought I was the only Danvers you fucked…” Kara pouted.  
Lena was getting used to the cold and sighed, “No, Funshine… That would be: Fuck me, Danvers!” she lowered her voice seductively.  
A blush crept up on Kara’s face.

“Gross!” Alex deadpanned.

The explanation of Alex’s actions were totally lost on Lena as she focussed on Kara’s face and touch to keep her from losing herself in anxiety.  
Within seconds she would hear her baby’s heartbeat and there would be no more denying it.  
Kara had assured her that she too would fall in love with the bean as soon as she heard the beat.  
Lena thought that was highly unlikely.  
There was no way a sound could capture…  
Her…  
Heart?

Lena’s train of thoughts was interrupted by the rhythm that took her breath away.  
Outside of that sound, the world faded away.  
Nothing else mattered anymore.  
She had never heard a beat so innocent and pure.  
This was love and joy wrapped in frequencies.  
The heartbeat of her little bean had challenged her heart to dance along.  
There was nothing as sweet and blameless as this small heart beating inside her womb.

Lena has two hearts now.  
One of them will physically detach itself from her eventually.  
This small heart will continue to grow and serve a remarkable being.  
First a tiny, helpless baby.  
Growing into a toddler who will never get to endure what Lena had to suffer at that age.  
This child will always be loved and cared for.  
The dancing heart will grow inside a rebellious teenager.  
And finally, this heartbeat will serve a strong, independent adult.  
No, not independent.  
This tiny human being will need Lena.  
Even when this child grows into an adult, this heartbeat will always need to be loved by Lena.  
Right then and there Lena swore to love and protect this baby until her dying day.

“There she is!” Alex smiled proudly at the incoherent black and white blur on the screen.  
“She?” Kara clarified.  
Lena’s mouth was still agape like it had been since the first beat vibrated her eardrums.

“You’re having a baby girl, Lee!” Kara kissed Lena’s temple before she lay her head to rest against Lena’s.  
This gesture pulled her back to reality.  
She had to blink a couple of times to undo her eyes from the tears that had blurred her vision.  
“A girl?” she whispered.  
Lena didn’t care if the little one was a boy or a girl, a full human or half Kryptonian, this small creature was loved and would be raised with love by her and Kara.

The corners of her mouth curled up into a smile so wide all her dimples became visible.  
Lena’s eyes searched for the strong connection her ocean green’s had with the sapphire blue’s.  
She found the emotional blonde locking their gaze.

“We are having a baby girl, Kara!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter.  
> I hope you enjoyed it and made you smile or moved you in any way.  
> The upcoming month I will be working as a scare actor at a big Halloween event.  
> I don't know how much time I will have left to write.  
> The next chapter might take a little bit longer, I can't tell yet.
> 
> Your comments always make me smile and feel appreciated.


	16. Rollercoaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena celebrates her divorce with Kara on their first date as a couple.
> 
> They prepare for a trip to Argo where Kara will finally have 'The Talk' with her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you sure you are ready for this?

“No, no, no, no… No… No!”  
Lena was greeted with a waterfall of disapproval from the lady with the auburn hair.  
“No! You are not wearing that on your date with my little sister.”  
The show Alex was performing was so amusing to Lena she crossed her arms and dared her with a quirked eyebrow to elaborate.  
Alex got up from her seat and gestured at Lena with a wild finger, “There is nothing ‘cute first date’ vibe about that. You will violate my sister’s innocence... That outfit screams sex!”  
The thought of Kara being innocent made Lena chuckle, “Oh please! Nothing about your little sister is innocent, trust me!” she smiled mischievously.  
Before Alex could form proper words again, Kelly silenced her by putting a hand on her shoulder.  
“Sweetheart, you look stunning. Do you want me to help you with your hair?”

A nervous warmth spread across Lena’s face.  
The excitement made it impossible for Lena to not smile from ear to ear.  
She nodded at Kelly’s offer.

“You will have to look perfect for your first date,” Kelly wiggled her eyebrows meaningfully as she approached Lena.  
Alex dramatically threw her hands in the air, “That’s it, I’m going to Kara! I expect an SOS from her any moment now, so I might as well head over there.” 

“How does it feel to be a free woman again?” Kelly asked as she was combing Lena’s hair.  
“Amazing!” she groaned, “It is truly liberating. He looked a lot better than at our latest divorce attempt.”

Lena never really experienced what it was like when someone did her hair until she came to live with Kelly and Alex.  
Even though she could do her hair fine on her own, she had to admit she liked the feeling of fingers brushing through it.  
Alex was more the braiding type, while Kelly seemed to have a secret talent in creating the most elegant hairdos. 

“Did you guys talk?”  
Lena knew what Kelly was actually asking, but she was determined to avoid the subject a little longer.  
Fumbling with her fingers she answered, “Well… Yes. He is doing good at his job and he and Kara work together as little as possible. He ran into Eve a couple of days ago, I don’t know why he needed to mention that, but okay… He said I looked like I was happy. I was glowing according to him.”  
Kelly scoffed, “Of course he said that! Your pregnancy makes you glow. How did he take it?”  
Because she got her hair straightened by Kelly it was important for her to keep her head still and not move around too much.  
“I… didn’t actually tell him...” she spoke softly.

This morning she thought it was a good idea to tell William about her pregnancy after the divorce was final, but during the meeting, she changed her mind.  
“The little bean can still be Kara’s and if she is… He doesn’t even have to know, it’s none of his concern,” she explained herself.  
“Fair enough… What will you do when the child appears to be his?” Kelly was calm and soothing, by now Lena knew her well enough to figure she was not being confronted, but she was being prepared for a negative outcome.

It’s not like Lena hadn’t thought about that possibility.  
This weekend Kara and she would travel to Argo in the hopes of finding out who the other parent is.  
The closer the absolution came, the more Lena prepared for the words: ‘Kara is not the parent.’  
She feared that day not for herself because to her it was only a practical inconvenience if the child wasn’t Kara’s, it meant she would be bound to William.  
She feared that day for Kara who already loved the bean with all her heart.

“I will ask you for help to comfort Kara. She will need it!” Lena sighed.  
Two arms wrapped around her from behind, “Of course I will!”

Lena admired her look in the mirror with a couple of joyful spins.  
Her hair was tied in an elegant lower bun and her red earrings matched her red pencil dress perfectly.  
Pleased with herself she got disturbed by Kelly’s surprising note, “You are starting to show!”  
Her gaze jerked to the reflection of her stomach in the mirror. 

Kelly was right.  
The silhouette of her lower belly was slightly curvier than it used to be.  
The red dress contoured her figure perfectly.  
Her feminine roundings, she was so proud of, were highlighted beautifully.  
She did notice she had more trouble than usual getting into the dress, but somehow it didn’t occur to her it could have been because she was growing.

A slight panic took hold of her heart, “Oh my God, I’m getting fat and ugly!” she blurted out.  
“I have to change… I have to cover it up. Kara might think I’m repulsive… Kelly, help me get out of this dress!”  
But Kelly did not help her.  
Lena met twinkling big brown eyes accompanied by a soft smile and a slightly tilted head.  
“Come on, Kelly. I am supposed to pick Kara up, but I will be late if I can’t find anything else to wear.”  
The lack of support made tears of frustration well up in Lena’s eyes, “Kelly, I’m starting to cry now and I can’t cry because I have pretty make-up on and I don’t want my eyeliner at the bottom of my chin-”  
Two hands steadied her at the shoulders when Kelly finally stepped in, “No need to panic, Lena. Breathe... Just breathe… There you go,” she helped Lena to the couch.

Lena calmed down with the help of her breathing techniques, a glass of water, and Kelly’s soothing voice.  
Ashamed of herself Lena wondered, “These were hormones, weren’t they?”  
With a chuckle, Kelly confirmed, “Definitely!”  
“So, you don’t think I’m fat and ugly?” Lena sighed.  
Without saying a word Kelly took her by the hand and placed her in front of the mirror.  
“Look at you, Lena! I will help you get your make-up perfect again before you leave. Your hair is stunning if I may say so myself,” she flashed a cocky grin at the reflection, “And your dress is… gorgeous!”  
Lena shifted her weight from one foot to the other, “Do you think she will mind that I’m growing?”  
Kelly knitted her brows, “Are you seriously asking me this? You know how she reacted to your pregnancy, right?! You were there, right?! Now you tell me; Will Kara mind?”

The changing of her body made her feel insecure.  
It was a confronting adjustment she didn’t prepare for even though she knew she was going to grow sooner or later.  
Kelly made her think about how Kara would react.  
Not what she feared Kara would say or think, but how she would truly react.  
Considering every reaction Kara had given her since she found out, this time it couldn’t be different.  
The conclusion made Lena smile, “I don’t think she would mind.”  
“I’ll raise your bet; I’m sure she will love it!” Kelly joked with a serious undertone. 

\----------------------------------------- 

Lena gasped at the sight of Kara.  
She was the personification of angelic beauty itself and Lena was sure that if the dictionary was explained with images, Kara’s picture would appear with the definition of beautiful.  
Her blue dress made her eyes even more piercing than they already were.  
The slight blush on her cheeks made her look adorable.  
Her hips and legs were perfectly toned by the fabric that hugged them.  
Her muscular bare arms made Lena light-headed by the sight alone.

No words could describe how special this moment made Lena feel.  
How special Kara was to her.  
How breathtaking.

What did she, Lena Luthor, do to deserve a woman like Kara Danvers?

“Well… this is awkward!”  
Lena hadn’t noticed Alex standing behind Kara yet.  
“Have fun not talking to each other and drooling during your date.”  
She had to slide past the two women for her to leave.  
With her hands on Lena’s shoulders, she whispered in her ear, “If you want to take her home, be quiet! I don’t need to hear any of that.” 

Before Alex was out of sight she warned Lena one last time to treat her sister well, “I know where you live, Luthor!”

Strangely enough, Alex’s interference broke the ice.  
The tension turned into laughter.  
“You… you look absolutely amazing!” Lena was the first one able to speak.  
The color on Kara’s cheeks intensified, “You are… phenomenal.”

The compliment made Lena heat up.  
She became self-conscious about her hands and had no clue how she should move them.

“I really want to kiss you right now, but that would be weird at the start of a first date, wouldn’t it?” Kara admitted.  
A giggle escaped, “That would be inappropriate Miss Danvers, we should get to know each other before you make such a move on me.”  
Kara’s pout was a memorable cute one that almost made Lena give in.

When Kara concluded her plan had failed, she announced to grab her purse before leaving.  
Lena awkwardly looked around the hallway for the little time it took Kara to get back.  
“Lee, you’re showing!” Kara was able to beam even more than she did when she first laid eyes upon Lena this evening.  
Kara’s reaction took all her insecurities away, making her lift her arms to reveal her entire torso to her girlfriend.  
“That dress does your body so much justice!” Kara bit her lip as she appreciated every curve of her body.

Lena felt like a masterpiece, admired by the spectator that listened to the name of Kara Danvers.  
A warmth spread through her body from her head all the way down to her toes.  
“Okay fine!” she cracked.

In that doorway of 16 Hope Street apartment 4-A, Lena Luthor shared her first kiss with her girlfriend, Kara Danvers.  
They shared multiple kisses before, but during all of them Lena had been married or she was almost married.  
Today was the first day she was Kara’s and Kara’s alone.  
That feeling seemed to find its way into the passion of their kiss.  
Kara had always been a good kisser, but this kiss was like one they never shared before.  
It was slow and tender.  
It was hot and possessive.  
It was as if Kara’s tongue was making her feel the words, “You’re mine!”  
And she was.  
She was Kara’s and Kara’s alone.  
She would submit to every touch the blonde had to offer.  
She wanted her closer.  
She wanted to feel her.  
She wanted to breathe her.  
She wanted to be one with her.  
Her own hungry moan was greeted with a desperate moan coming from the woman she was sharing this deep connection with.

\----------------------------------------------

The dream faded away as the smell of bacon and eggs penetrated Lena’s nostrils.  
Nausea, as she had experienced before, was still present in lesser intensity.  
It was now a manageable inconvenience.  
There was no need to run and lose her stomach content in the bathroom.  
Instead, she pulled the naked woman in her arms closer.

Kara had insisted on walking her home at the end of the evening, since Lena had picked her up she only found it fair that she would bring Lena home.  
The fact that Lena’s home meant she would bring her date back to her sister’s home didn’t matter.  
They intended to keep their date night as normal as possible even though their situation was less than ordinary.  
This resulted in having to spend the night together in a single bed which was a great excuse for staying almost impossibly close.

The Kryptonian against Lena’s front was as soothing as an after summer sun.  
She smiled against Kara's neck and let her lips place soft kisses at every place they brushed against her skin.  
The sound of a pleased moan from the blonde made Lena’s heart jump with joy.

An attempt to turn around was stopped, “Can I please hold you a little longer like this?” Lena asked.  
She wanted to remain in this position, if possible she wanted to stay like this forever.  
With Kara in her arms, nothing could be cruel about this world.  
Being with Kara was like sunshine and butterflies.  
Even if it was just for a little while, all her sorrows had disappeared because she was with Kara and Kara was hers as she was Kara’s. 

Arms folded around Lena’s and the wiggle of the body closer against her was a confirmation that made her smile from ear to ear.

One would best describe her life as a rollercoaster she has been trapped in for the past few months.  
Yesterday made her feel like the station was finally within reach.  
The hitting of the breaks turned the terrifying adrenaline of all the loops, unexpected turns and zero gravity falls, into blissful euphoria.  
Leaning back and enjoying the moment was now optional as the wagon rolled steadily towards the exit.  
If they would get the confirmation Kara was the parent to their little bean, she could finally leave this crazy ride behind.  
Hand in hand with Kara she would step into a brighter future.

A knock on the door drew her attention.  
“Girls, I’ve got breakfast ready for you.”  
Lena wondered if she could ever get used to people being kind to her.  
A nice gesture like this always made her shy.  
“We’ll be right there!” she answered the woman at the other side of the door.  
“Take your time,” Kelly’s sweetness endeared Lena.

The four of them had agreed it would be best for Lena and Kara if Lena would move back in with Kelly and Alex until she found a place fitted for her new family.

This time she allowed Kara to roll on her back in her arms.  
“Good morning rainbow bear.”  
Two soft lips pressed against Lena’s forehead.  
“Are you always getting spoiled like this?” her voice was a bit raspy from sleep and Lena had to admit the sound influenced certain body parts she had not expected to still be active after the night they had.

Lena rolled herself on top of her and crashed her lips onto Kara’s with passion.  
“I’d rather… be spoiled… by you!” she breathed between her hungry kisses.  
Kara breathly giggled in response with her hands exploring Lena’s body.  
One settled at her lower back, the other traveled up her spine, brushing her neck and finally fingers tangled in her hair at the back of her head.  
She enjoyed the feeling of the soft skin beneath her own.  
It still amazed her how gorgeous the Kryptonian was.  
And how well their body’s fitted together.

Accompanied by a teasing squeeze at her bottom, Kara broke off the kiss with a chuckle.  
“Come on. Let’s get some breakfast,” she spanked her but cheek to get her into action.  
Instead, Lena’s hips jerked against Kara while a little squeak escaped her throat.

How was she supposed to just get up, get dressed, and get breakfast while she was straddling an Angelically beautiful, naked, Kryptonian?  
Lena couldn’t bring herself to move away from Kara.  
Not now that she has never felt closer to a person in her entire life.  
Kara is life.

Without effort Kara sat up, taking Lena with her.  
Kara’s strength turned her on, she couldn’t help it.  
The friction caused by the movement ignited a flame in her.  
By sitting on her lap she had to look down for her to find two piercing blue eyes.  
But she could not lock her eyes with the blonde.  
Kara’s focus was elsewhere.  
“Do you like what you see?” Lena smirked with pride.  
The gaze of her girlfriend made her feel loved and worshipped even.  
Sharp inhaled air and a lip bite was enough of an answer for Lena.  
She needed to be devoured by Kara immediately.

“We… we have to go… Kelly made breakfast…” Kara seemed mesmerized by the sight dangling right in front of her eyes.  
Lena was able to make Kara moan with a roll of her hips, “Fuck, breakfast! It can wait. With your speed we only need a few minutes,” she panted.

\--------------------------------

“Good morning!” Kelly greeted them with a kind smile, “Had a hard time getting out of bed?”  
Given the activity of the moment before, Lena had a tough time keeping her posture.  
Flustered she looked at Kara, in the hopes she could provide Kelly with an answer.  
Kara’s face turned a rose shade of pink as her eyes dodged Lena’s skilfully, “Eh… Yeah… You could say that.”  
Big brown eyes darted amused between the two of them, “I thought you could use a good breakfast,” she smiled at them.  
Lena chuckled out her nerves, “Thank you, that’s very kind.”

As Kara and Lena shared some looks at the table, Kelly went to get Alex out of bed.  
“Do you think she knows?” Kara whispered.  
Thinking back off all the times she heard Kelly and Alex and considering the fact the two of them didn’t even try to be quiet, she laughed out loud, “Oh darling, I’m sure she knows.”  
Blue eyes grew large, “Even Alex?”  
Lena took Kara’s hand and squeezed a little, “Even Alex!”  
The acceleration of Kara’s breathing made Lena wonder why that was, but before she could ask Kelly came back with Alex following in her footsteps. 

Where Kelly was all sunshine and rainbows this morning, Alex was a thundercloud and rainstorm.  
The contrast between the two lovers couldn’t have been bigger.  
The noises Alex produced sounded like they were grumbling up from deep underground.

Kara’s beauty distracted Lena from eating.  
She had always known Kara was pretty, but there was something special about her now that wasn’t there before.  
Maybe it was their new-found status as a couple.  
A part of Lena always held back because of William, but after she signed that paper, yesterday in the early afternoon, she was a free woman.  
Freedom meant she could choose to belong to Kara and make Kara hers.  
They were girlfriends now.  
Sure the phrase had slipped out a couple of times before, but after the scribble of that signature, it was official to her.  
You could almost say that divorcing William had nothing to do with escaping William anymore, to Lena it was a commitment to Kara.

“So… how was your date?” Kelly asked them.  
It took an effort to pull her eyes away from Kara and point her attention towards Kelly, “Wonderful, thank you.”  
Alex cleared her throat, “I heard how wonderful you are! You know Luthor… There are certain rules about what you shouldn’t be doing on your first date.”  
She leaned back and tried to intimidate Lena with her gaze.  
Her look was challenging.  
The real big sister, don’t you dare to hurt my little sister, look.  
Lena was the kind of woman that could enjoy a challenge like that, especially with Alex.  
She scoffed, “Cut the theatrics, Danvers. We broke that rule before we left for dinner last night! There was no rule left to obey during the night as you might have noticed.”

A coughing sound from a choking Kryptonian should draw their attention, but it didn’t.  
Alex and Lena kept their intense eye contact as Lena multitasked by stroking Kara’s back.  
“You alright, Funshine?” she asked as her gaze never wandered from the elder sister, who looked at her with a dropped jaw and flabbergasted eyes.  
“I can get you some earplugs if you cherish your beauty sleep,” Lena continued to provoke by raising an eyebrow on top of her vocal teasing.

“Oh gosh, Lena… I just realized how many times you must have heard us in the past few months. I think we owe you an apology,” Kelly was able to capture Lena’s attention.  
She chuckled, “That’s okay Kelly. I’m glad you found each other. I can recommend a good pair of earplugs.”  
The pale Kryptonian finally got some attention from her girlfriend, who pulled her closer against her side.  
“Oh darling, you don’t need to be embarrassed.”  
“She didn’t sound embarrassed last night,” Kelly noted.  
Lena pulled up her eyebrows in amusement and hooked in on a conversation with Kelly, “No, she’s not shy at all. How about yours?”  
Kelly seemed to enjoy how awkward the Danvers women became and teased along, “Mine is a bit shyer than you might think.” “Hey!” “She is a tiger in the streets, but my little kitten between the sheets.”  
“HEY! We are right here!” Alex interrupted.

Lena and Kelly burst out laughing.  
“I’m sorry, darling,” Kelly stroked a strain of hair behind Alex’s ear.  
Alex clenched her jaw and swallowed thick.  
Lena kissed Kara’s cheek and massaged her scalp with the tips of her fingers.  
“I need a shower,” without further ado, Alex strolled off leaving the other three women in silence.  
“She’ll come around when her bad morning mood flushes down the drain,” Kelly shrugs.

Kara was still staring ahead, not touching her food.  
A feeling of guilt crept up on Lena.  
Sure Alex’s smug, protective sister face needed to be put in her place, but Kara shouldn’t have been collateral damage.  
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I needed to tease your sister a bit, I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” she cupped Kara’s face and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, “Are you okay?”  
“Ah…” the two blue eyes were able to focus on Lena again, “Yeah… Uhm… Am I… I mean… Last night…”  
Lena could feel cheeks heat up in the palms of her hands, “Honey, you are perfect! Absolutely the best.”  
After a deep sigh, Kara quirked up the corner of her mouth into a shy smile.  
“Really? Because… you joked and I thought…”  
Lena could only stop the ramble with a deep kiss.  
Maybe there would have been other ways to shut Kara Danvers up, but a kiss was the most pleasant solution.  
It amazed Lena how confident Kara was inside the bedroom compared to the insecurity she showed about the subject outside of it.

\-----------------------------------------------

Shortly after breakfast, Lena left for work in the lab.  
A conversation with Kara last night gave her an idea to build a surprise for her girlfriend.

She had notified Sam she was using one of the labs.  
Lena was so caught up in her calculation she didn’t notice the other presence in the room until she heard a theatrical sniff next to her ear.  
“You smell of sex! I assume you had fun on your date with Kara?” a teasing voice broke her concentration.  
The sudden interruption startled Lena, “Jesus fucking Christ, Sam! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Sam could be right about the scent; Lena didn’t bother to wait for Alex to finish her shower, she figured she would be alone in the lab anyway.  
“Is it that bad?” she asked self consciously.  
“Some people just have a nose for it, I would worry about it if I were you,” Sam assured her.  
“I came bearing gifts!” Sam held up a bag of food, “A healthy lunch fitted for a pregnant woman, it’s got all your vitamins.”

The time had passed a lot faster than Lena would have guessed.  
If you would have asked her, she would have thought she had been busy for an hour tops.

“So… What are you working on?” Sam asked.  
Lena lay down her equipment and got comfortable for lunch.  
“Well… Kara told me about Argo… You know we are heading there this weekend right? Well, I wondered if I could make it a little easier for both of us and now I’m working on a surprise for her.”  
Sam pulled up her eyebrows and nodded, “Interesting… So, tell me about last night!”

Without a doubt, Sam was the best friend to gush over her girlfriend with.  
Lena told her all about the date and how she couldn’t let Kara go when she dropped her off.  
She told Sam about this morning and how she wanted to stay tangled with her forever.  
The CFO chuckled, “Oh my… You’ve got your head high up in the clouds because of your new relationship combined with your pregnancy hormones, isn’t Kara exhausted yet?”  
Lena laughed at the realization that her needs might indeed be a bit much for a normal human being to handle, “Kara is Supergirl, she can take me.” 

They talked until Sam’s lunch break was over.  
“You’d better be gone when I go home, Lena. I’ll come and check to see if you are gone!" Sam warned her.

Lena wasn’t gone when Sam was done for the day.  
“Okay, turn the computer off! You are allowed to come back tomorrow.”  
“Yeah, just a minute,” Lena stalled.  
“I know your minutes, Lee. Save your progress, I’m taking you home so you can finally take that shower!”

In the late afternoon of Friday, Lena finished her project.  
Just in time for her trip to Argo the next day.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Why did J’onn have to give his space car to his brother?” Kara sighed as she stared at the tiny pod they had to get into together.

Alex had dropped Lena off on her way to an assignment she had with J’onn.  
For some reason, Supergirl carried the pod to the place they would launch from instead of flying it.  
In the car Alex felt the need to thank Lena, “Look… I know I have been a bit moody the last few days… I have always protected my little sister, that has been my purpose in life ever since my parents took her in,” she explained.  
“Hearing that same innocent, little sister have sex was a bit unsettling. Normally I would have taken a few drinks and made some snarky comments about it…”  
Lena chuckled at how true that was.  
“But I am still sober, even though it’s hard sometimes…” out of pride Lena squeezed her knee, not to interrupt her monologue, “What I am trying to say is… Just…”  
Alex stopped the car at the destination and took a deep breath.  
She looked Lena straight in the eyes when she said, “Thank you for making Kara happy.”  
Being approved wasn’t something Lena knew how to deal with properly, “Thank you,” she stammered flustered.  
“Well, I know you are good to her in every aspect…” she teased.  
It broke the serious tone from before and Lena chuckled, “Poor Alex, do you want a sticker?”  
“Shut up, Luthor!”  
Alex left as soon as Lena got out of the car.

Kara was not okay and she didn’t have to tell her girlfriend, Lena knew.  
She was hesitant.  
Her insecurity was present in the way she slacked her shoulders.  
The sparkle in her blue eyes got replaced by a shimmer of something else, Lena would guess it was a worry of some kind.  
Her breathing was heavy and a little unstable even.

It was clear to Lena something was bothering her woman.  
With a gentle touch, she was able to unclench Kara’s fist and intertwine their fingers.  
“Kara… We don’t have to go, you know. We can find out later.”  
Without blinking, Kara shook her head, “No… I want to go! I want to introduce you to my mom as my girlfriend… and… I want to know if… the bean is mine…” her voice trembled like her lower lip.  
Lena stepped closer so she could lay her head on Kara’s shoulder.  
“Are you afraid the little bean isn’t yours?” she wondered if Kara shared her worry.

Finally, her gaze ripped away from the pod.  
With teary eyes, she stared Lena deep into her soul, “I have never loved as certain and overwhelming as I love that little bean. I’m certain she’s mine. It’s not even a question. I can feel she’s mine, I love her too much… She’s ours!”  
Her muscles were shivering with so much tension, Lena worried if she could break her own bones with her muscles of steel.

Kara was holding back something Lena couldn’t put her finger on yet.  
She claimed it was not the worry of her parenthood.  
If that were true, what was it then?  
She had mentioned she didn’t like the pod, but Lena couldn’t imagine it to be that bad.  
Lena caressed her arms, trying to rub the tension out.  
Kara’s eyes got drawn back to the pod as if out of her control.  
The sight made her gasp for air in despair.

Lena realized: Kara was slipping into a panic attack.  
It was her turn to help Kara get through this, but she didn’t know how to.  
She tried to remember all the times' others had helped her through her episodes.  
How did they help her?  
She always appreciated how calm Kelly and Alex were.  
They were able to take over control when she lost it.  
Alex was even able to crack some jokes in between and Kelly knew exactly when to talk and when to be silent, whether to touch her arm or back or not touch her at all.  
But Lena lacked this skill.  
Still, she had to do something as Kara’s breathing started to squeak and she took a hand to her chest.

“Kara… Darling, sweetheart. Look at me… Look at me!” she noted she didn’t sound calm at all.  
She had to get herself together if she wanted to be the rock to her crumbling girl of steel.  
How she cursed being alone in an abandoned field with Kara now.  
How she cursed Kara’s decline of Alex’s offer to wave them off.  
With a deep breath, she tried to steady herself.  
She needed to be stable and strong for her to be there for Kara.

As firm as she could she took Kara’s shoulders and forced her to look at her.  
“Kara, I’m here. Look at me! I’m here for you… Breathe with me, Kara.”  
She didn’t get how Alex, Kelly, and Kara stayed so calm every time she was losing it.  
This is hard.  
Before William pushed her to the ground, Lena was able to stay calm.  
She could have helped Kara if that had never happened.  
How she cursed William for losing his temper and destroying a part of her she didn’t know she would ever retrieve.  
Screaming and panicking along felt like a natural reaction to her, but she wouldn’t help Kara with that at all.

It was as if she couldn't reach Kara, no matter how calm she tried to be.  
Maybe the way she was comforted wasn’t the way for Kara.  
Maybe the way Alex and Kelly calmed her down wasn’t the way for Lena.  
Following her intuition, she flung herself against the trembling woman.

“Let go, Kara! I’ve got you. You’re safe!” she held her as tight as her human arms could cling on to her.  
The panting Kryptonian became heavy in her arms as her knees buckled beneath the weight of panic, which gave Lena no choice but to bring her to the ground gently.  
She remembered how comforting it was when Kara sat down behind her to help her breathe back in the woods during her honeymoon.

Pressing herself against Kara’s back she was able to keep her up, “Breathe for me, Kara. I’m with you and I won’t let anything harm you. You are doing good, Funshine.”  
Lena came to feel more confident in her role as the helper, she noticed in the way her voice changed, slower, more soothing, almost singing.  
“It’s okay my sweet, dear, Kara. I’m here… It’s okay to not be okay, don’t worry… Let it go!”  
Kara’s breathing was slowing down as her eyes rolled back in their stockings, which was hard for Lena to watch.  
“There you go. You can do this, Funshine! Lean into me…” She kissed Kara’s cheek.  
Her body slumped against Lena and, thankfully, she closed her eyes.  
"You are doing great, now breathe with me!” Lena ordered her.  
Kara lolled her head back to rest on Lena’s shoulder.  
Lena closed her eyes and breathed with her until she calmed down enough to control her own breathing.

Kara appeared to be so exhausted, Lena had to lay her down in the grass.  
She got down next to her, close enough to let her know she was there for her and with enough distance to not suffocate her.  
For a while, they did not speak.  
Lena drew soothing patterns with her fingers on Kara’s arm until she was strong enough to find her voice again.

“I… I’m sorry about that. That was silly,” Kara apologized.  
“Nonsense!” Lena corrected her, “You are valid, darling. I love you no matter what!”  
She kissed Kara’s jaw, “Please tell me what happened, so I can be here for you.”  
A deep sigh was released by the blonde, “I hate that pod,” she mumbled.

The sight of the pod made Lena shiver, “It’s so small,” she noted.  
“I’ve seen Krypton being destroyed from that pod…” Kara sniffed, “I spent 24 lonely years in that thing!” A tear escaped her eye.  
Lena couldn’t imagine how awful that must have been.

Sure she had spent some lonely hours in a closet, the basement, her bedroom, the bathroom, the treehouse, or outside… But that was nothing compared to 24 years in a pod after watching your planet explode.  
“I was in hypersleep for most of the time… But still… It’s not my favorite place to be,” Kara explained.

“We don’t have to go!” Lena suggested.  
Kara scoffed, “Yes, we do! Growing a half Kryptonian in your belly on Earth might be dangerous to your health and that of our daughter.”  
Lena didn’t dare to say the kid could still be William’s.  
If that were the case, they didn’t have to get in that pod at all.

An idea occurred to her, “You don’t have to get in the pod!”  
“I just told you, Lee… It could be dangerous to your health… It could kill you and I won’t let that happen,” she sniffed annoyed.  
“No… I mean, YOU don’t have to get in the pod! I can go alone and when I’m there I find a way to get you there!” Lena almost beamed with the thought of her being able to protect Kara this once.  
“Absolutely not!”  
“But you won’t have to-”  
“I said no!” Kara bit between gritted teeth.

Lena flinched from the sudden change in energy coming from Kara.  
“I’m sorry,” Kara corrected herself, “It’s just… I sent Mon-El away in a pod and he got lost in time and space… My mom put me in a pod and I ended up in the phantom zone… It’s not without risks."  
She turned to her side to face Lena, “And I won’t risk it with you!”  
Their foreheads connected, which made Lena feel one with Kara again, “We have to get in that pod!” Kara decided.

Lena nodded, “Okay… But tell me what you need! Do you need to hold me in your arms or do you prefer if I hold you during our journey?”  
Kara swallowed as tears welled up thick in her eyes again, “Can I sit behind you, please?”  
“Of course you can!” Lena could not refuse her.

They got up and Kara took the lead heading towards the pod.  
Before she got in Lena stopped her.  
She took her face in her palms and kissed her fiercely.  
“Just one more time, Kara. I promise!” She whispered with a weak smile.  
Kara didn’t seem to get what she meant.  
It didn’t matter… she would eventually.

Her trembling lover climbed into the pod first to program the destination.  
Lena followed in shortly after and settled between her legs.  
Arms wrapped around her and a face hid in the nape of her neck as the lit closed.  
Feeling how much Kara was shaking, Lena let herself sink against her in the hopes of providing her with enough comfort to get through this journey.  
It killed Lena to feel Kara’s fear shivered through her skin.  
She thought hard about ways to calm her down.  
Sure, they would go into hypersleep soon until they arrive at their destination, but it would be nice if Kara would feel better when they did.

The pod shot off into space.  
As excited as Lena was to be in space for the first time, she could not enjoy any of it as she felt Kara cramp up behind her.  
With some effort, Lena unbuttoned her jeans.  
“Lee, I’m sorry… I cannot-” she stopped speaking as Lena placed her hands on the bare skin of her lower abdomen.  
“Sush, Kara… Concentrate on your senses while they are still Super. You might hear something or even feel the heartbeat.”

Lena figured that since sounds were just vibrations of air, there was a possibility Kara could not only hear the sound of the little bean’s heartbeat, she might even feel it.  
Even if she didn’t, it would be good for Kara to concentrate on something else.

It seemed to work as she felt Kara get soft behind her.  
A deep exhale betrayed her relaxation.  
“I can hear her through my fingertips,” Kara whispered with a voice full of wonder.  
It made Lena glad that the little bean had the power to keep her mother away from a panic attack.  
“That’s amazing," she whispered back with a smile on her face.

In the arms of her Kryptonian Angel, with two warm hands on her belly, she slumbered away.

\----------------------------------------------

Lena woke up as the pod got dragged in by Argo’s gravity field.  
Eerie radiation was heading their way as the equipment of the pod started to beep.  
The disorientation caused by the hypersleep had to be shaken off quickly if Lena wanted to prevent them from being seen as hostile and possibly attacked.  
Kara was quicker back in action and curled herself around Lena to press some buttons, making the pod even more uncomfortably small than it already was.

They landed between the greens outside a big futuristic city.  
Lena gasped at all the technological wonders she could see in the distance.  
She got so lost in her wonder, she didn’t notice how Kara was poking her to get out.  
For a brief moment she didn’t get why Kara wouldn’t just lift her out of that tiny cabin until she realized… “Oh my God, you don’t have powers!”  
Somehow this aroused her, which reminded her to zip up her pants.  
Her girlfriend was just as powerless as she was or rather… they were physical equals for the first time.  
Lena’s feet touched the ground and she watched as Kara stumbled a bit to get out.  
“Yeah… I always have to adjust for a moment when I’m without my powers,” she explained with a crooked smile.

The way Kara tripped and swayed, looking as vulnerable as every human being.  
The Kara Danvers without her Supergirl alter ego...  
Kara was irresistible to Lena.  
She bit her lip and pulled her closer at her collar.  
It was a thrilling sensation to feel no super resistance or even free willingness to play along.  
Lena could pull Kara in and toss her around if she wanted to.  
“I’m going to enjoy you so much,” she whispered in her ear before taking the earlobe in her mouth and swirling her tongue around, making Kara moan in reaction.  
Her sensitivity surprised Lena, Kara’s body might even respond to her differently here and it was exciting.  
Lena broke off the teasing to take Kara in for a deep kiss.  
To her, nothing was different.  
She tasted the same and was evenly soft and gentle as always.  
Kara gave herself willingly to Lena’s touch.

“We greet you, Kara Zor-El!” a voice broke them apart.  
A group of six guard-like figures stood in formation a few feet away.  
Lena and Kara must have been so caught up in their kissing that they didn’t hear a tiny army approaching.  
Out of habit, Kara had jumped in front of Lena, shielding her with her body.

Kara told Lena about her Kryptonian birth name, but hearing Kara be called Zor-El was something else.

Lena straightened her back and took her place next to Kara, ready to greet the Kryptonians.  
This time she was the alien.

The six guards stepped aside to let a woman though Lena recognized as:  
“Mom!” Kara rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the woman.  
It warmed Lena’s heart to see her sink into her mother’s embrace.  
Kara had lived so long thinking her parents had died.  
How would it feel to find your mother after so many years, alive and well?  
She could only imagine how it would make her feel to see her mother again.  
What would she say?  
What would she do?

Lena closed her eyes as she pictured her own mother in front of her.  
She has always been told by the men in her family that she looked so much like her.  
Her mother must have been about her age when she got Lena.  
Was she ever lonely?  
Gosh, Lena felt so lonely sometimes.  
Even though she has Kara, Sam, Alex, and Kelly…  
She doesn’t have her mother.  
How would it feel to say the words, ‘Mom… You are becoming a grandmother’?  
Lena remembered her fear when she first found out.  
From what she could remember her mother was radiating love.  
She would have taken Lena in her arms and comforted her.  
She would have told her everything would be okay.  
Would she be happy to become a grandmother?  
Or would she worry about her daughter’s crumbling sanity?  
Would her mother think she could be a good mom?  
Would she consider the child lucky for having Lena as her mother?  
What would she think of not knowing who the other parent was?  
Would she be judgemental or would she support Lena no matter what?  
She would like to believe her mother would be by her side through it all.  
How nice would it be to share this with her mom?  
Gosh, it would be so nice to be her mother’s little girl and disappear in her embrace.  
She could go to her mother with questions, fears, and frustrations.  
Ask her how her pregnancy was.  
She doesn’t even know how her mother experienced her birth.  
Has Lena always been welcome or did her mother ever wished not having her at all?  
Likely...

Unwelcome tears welled up in her eyes.  
She was happy for Kara, but she couldn’t help feeling envious for not having her own mother beside her in these difficult times.

“Mom, meet Lena!” Kara took Lena’s hand and presented her to Alura.  
“We’ve met Kara,” she spoke to her daughter before she shifted her attention, “It’s nice to see you again, Lena.”  
Fighting back her tears, Lena gave a nod, “The pleasure is all mine,” her voice was surprisingly in control.  
Kara wrapped her arm around Lena’s waist, “Lena and I are together,” she beamed with the adaptation to the introduction of her girlfriend.

It was hard to read the expression on Alura’s face for Lena.  
Her eyes darted between her and her girlfriend as her body seemed tense.  
If Kara would still have her super hearing, she would have picked up on Lena’s increasing heartbeat.  
Lena didn’t even consider the option of being rejected by this woman before and what that would mean.  
How much knowing if the little bean was Kara’s meant to her had been the only thing on Lena’s mind coming to Argo.  
Suddenly she was facing the fear of not being good enough for Alura’s daughter.  
Lena forced a crooked smile.

Alura’s face softened with a sigh, as did her shoulders.  
The corners of her mouth curled upwards and she spread her arms.  
“Lena… You saved Argo with the recipe to make Harun-El. We are forever in your debt.”  
She took Lena in her arms.  
Lena, startled at first by the unexpected embrace, could feel a blanket of motherly love wrap around her.  
“You picked a good one, Kara!” she noted to her daughter as she let Lena go.

A good one…  
Not a smart one.  
Not a pretty one.  
Not a rich one.  
Not a challenging one.  
Not a troubling one.  
Not an evil one.  
No!  
She called her good!  
Kara’s mother said she was good.  
All Lena ever wanted was to be good.  
She had always fought the tainted Luthor name.  
Even Kara had times when she doubted Lena’s goodness.  
And this woman, one of the most important women in her lover’s life, called her good without a doubt.

A squeeze in Lena’s hand pulled her out of her head.  
“Lee, are you okay?” Kara spoke softly to her.  
The guards and Alura were walking ahead, but Lena never noticed them leaving.  
She shook her head to get rid of her spirling thoughts.  
“Ah… Yeah… Your mother called me good,” it was evenly unnatural as it was heartwarming to speak the words out loud.  
Her face must have flushed from the heat that crept up on her.  
Kara smiled bright, the kind of smile that squinted her eyes, Lena loved that smile.  
“Yes, you are!” she confirmed.  
A quick peck was placed on her lips before Kara dragged her along to follow Alura into the city.

\----------------------------------------------

Alura took the two women to her home where they could talk more privately.  
She asked the staff to prepare one guestroom for the two of them, “Or is it custom on Earth to sleep separately?”  
“No, not for us,” Kara answered as she glanced over at Lena with a twinkle in her eyes.

Alura and Kara talked about how glad they were to see each other again.  
When Alura asked Kara how Lena and she got together, Kara found an opening to cut to the chase.  
She explained how she confessed her love for Lena on her wedding day and that she made love to her during the honeymoon without spilling any details.

Lena was a silent witness to the conversation between mother and daughter.  
Even though they were talking about her, it still felt like she was invading a private moment.  
This might be something Kara would have to discuss with her mother alone.  
She could be filled in later.  
The child could be Kara’s, and she hoped to god it was, but her gut told her otherwise.  
Seeing Kara’s heart break was something she wanted to postpone for as long as possible.  
Also… Talking to the mother of her lover about her sex life that led to her pregnancy was pretty uncomfortable.  
What would Alura think?  
Less than an hour ago she called her ‘good’.  
The information she had fucked her daughter while on honeymoon with her husband who she also fucked in the same period of time… might take that ‘good’ impression away.

“And now… Lena is pregnant,” Kara told her mother with a nervous grin on her face.  
Alura’s eyes grew large and she pulled up her eyebrows.  
“Oh...ow! C-congratulations!” she recovered.  
Lena was so uncomfortable it felt like it was eating her from the inside out, “Y-Yeah, thank you… Kara, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Kara followed her to the corridor.  
“What is it?”  
Lena balanced her weight between both legs, shifting from one foot to the other.  
“I… I think this is a conversation you should have with your mother alone.”  
She swallowed awaiting Kara’s reaction.  
“What? No, I want you there to celebrate together,” Kara took Lena's hands in hers.  
“I’m sorry, Kara. I feel very out of place… You are talking about my sex life and how two people could be the biological parent of our child, that’s not something I’m proud of!” she tried to explain.  
Kara brushed it off, “She will understand, it will be nice to talk about our child together.”  
“Kara! The baby might not be yours!” it was out before she knew it.

She didn’t mean to sound so harsh.  
She didn’t mean to say it at all.  
Regret flowed over her like a tidal wave.  
Kara talked like it was a given fact that the child was hers and it conflicted with her.  
It pulled her into a happy state that might be false.  
Lena couldn’t bear the disappointment.  
She had to protect herself.  
But she didn’t mean to drag Kara down.  
“I’m sorry, Kara. I hope it’s you.”  
Staring right past her, Kara remained speechless.  
“I mean well, Kara. I hope you understand that.”

Sad eyes looked at her, “Yes, I… I just want to hold on to that feeling of being her mom… It might all be over in a few minutes.”  
Kara’s lip trembled and her eyes shimmered with tears.  
To Lena, she seemed so sure about her parenthood, but now the fear was rolling down her cheeks.  
She kept that feeling hidden deep inside her, alone, all this time.  
All this time Lena thought Kara was 100% convinced.  
But just like her, she wasn’t.

“I love her so much, Lena… I want to be her parent so bad,” her voice cracked and shivered with sadness for what might come.  
Lena took Kara’s face in her hands.  
From her heart, she spoke, “Honey, listen to me! No matter what your mother says, biological or not… To me, this child is yours! Do you hear me? I want to raise this little bean with you and nobody else!”  
Kara swallowed thick, “Okay,” was the only thing she whispered in response.  
She let herself slump forward in Lena’s arms and cried her eyes empty before she would be able to face her mother again.

“I love you, Lena,” were the first words she spoke again after she regained enough strength to stand on her own.  
Her words were broken, but they were true and came from her heart.  
“I love you too, Kara,” she responded.  
Kara parted from her and presented her with a weak smile.  
“I think you’re right… I put this idea in my head, while I’m not even sure if it’s a possibility to start with… I guess my mom still owes me… The talk!” she chuckled.  
“Yeah, I don’t need to be around for that. You deserve your awkward mother-daughter moment, you’ve missed too many with her,” Lena joked.  
Kara crossed her arms in front of her chest, “Oh really? I bet Lillian didn’t sit you down for the talk...”  
For a moment Lena thought about her talk and she shrugs, “No… Lex made me watch porn with him. When Lillian found out she said: ‘Oh good, now you know,’ and she continued ignoring me.”  
“That’s disturbing,” Kara knitted her eyebrows.  
“Luthors are disturbing!” Lena corrected her.  
Kara pulled her in for a hug, “Not you…” was all she said.

Before Lena left for their room Kara promised her she would be the one to bring Lena the news and they were going to either celebrate or mourn the outcome together.  
“We are doing this together!” they promised each other.

\---------------------------------------

For an hour Lena waited in the guestroom.  
She had put on her pajamas after her quick shower.  
A hypersleep was not the same as a normal nap, it was more like a pause in time.  
Now she was exhausted.  
Kara was still talking to her mom.  
She probably already knew…  
Or maybe she didn’t and Alura didn’t know either.  
If the child could be Kara’s, she could still also be William’s and they might need Lena for some testing if they can even determine the biological parent…

Lena wasted time wandering around the room and staring out the window.  
She observed all the technological wonders of this place.  
If Kara wouldn’t be having such an important conversation right now, Lena would have been thrilled by it all.  
Even her inner geek couldn’t take her mind away from the agony of waiting.

There were moments when she expected a frustrated Kara to walk in, with still no conclusion.  
There were moments she expected a crying Kara to walk in.  
There were moments she expected a happy Kara.

She tried to anticipate every possibility, but it was simply not possible.  
Any moment Kara could walk through that door with news.  
News that would have a big impact on their lives.  
News that would have an impact on their relationship.

Kara loved the little bean so much she had to be hers.  
But what if she wasn't?  
Would Kara love her less?  
Would Kara reject her?  
Would Kara be repulsed by her?  
Would Kara even want to raise William’s child?  
Would Kara stay with her?

Lena’s breathing was accelerating.  
‘Nope… Not now, Lena. You are alone with nobody to help you. Get yourself through this. Calm the fuck down!’ she thought to herself.  
She sat down on the floor with her back against the wall, because she felt the safest in that position, the most grounded so to speak.  
Focussing on her breathing she imagined Alex, Kelly, and Kara with her and went through what they would have said to her if they were here.  
She focused on her surroundings to keep her in the present.

Her eye was caught by a beautiful tree kind of flower.  
It was set in a big pot and grew tall above it.  
Lena would guess it would be slightly taller than her if she would stand next to it from the ground on.  
It was like a small needle-leaved tree but with beautiful flowers.

Lena found the strength to get back up and watch the flowers up close.  
She touched the white-pinkish flower with her fingertips, feeling the silky surface.

Behind her, the door opened and she turned around immediately facing Kara.  
The blonde gently closed the door behind her.  
She wasn’t euphoric.  
She wasn’t crying.  
She wasn’t mad.  
Lena didn’t know what to make of it.

Kara’s head hung low, which couldn’t be a good sign in Lena’s opinion.  
The search for Kara’s eyes was pointless, Lena was unable to connect with her.  
All she had prepared for flickered through her mind.

Kara could jerk her head up with a bright smile and tell her the bean is probably hers.  
She could walk right past Lena and never want to see her again…  
At this point, everything seemed to be possible.

In a straight line, Kara walked towards her.  
Time moved so slowly every step seemed to take an hour.  
Lena held her breath, waiting for Kara to speak.  
An ominous feeling filled the air like thick smoke.  
It was tangling Lena around her throat, making it hard for her to keep breathing.

Stopping in front of her, Lena was able to see Kara’s tears.  
Unrealistic optimism in her still pinched her heart trying to convince her those were happy tears.  
But she knew better.  
This wasn’t good.

Kara lowered herself down on her knees getting her eyes lined with Lena’s belly button.  
Gently she rested her fingertips against Lena’s abdomen.  
The touch brought a sensation to Lena, making her feel like they indeed were in this together.  
That promise was not empty.  
She could feel how real it was to Kara and to her.  
Lena tangled her fingers in Kara’s hair, connecting with her scalp.  
Kara placed a gentle kiss below her belly button and Lena knew.  
This rollercoaster ride skipped the station and went for another roll.

She tried to swallow away the suffocating dryness in her throat.  
Lena prepared for the worst and closed her eyes.  
Thick tears dripped down even before she heard Kara’s trembling voice say:

“I’m sorry baby-girl. I am not your mommy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I'm sorry for the gut punch, it needed to be done.
> 
> Even though the biological parent might not be who most of you would like it to be, I hope you still enjoyed the story so far and are willing to see what the future has planned for them.
> 
> The last weeks have been a rollercoaster for me personally as well.  
> Some events took my motivation away to write (or do anything at all), I couldn't find the words.  
> I need to thank some people for cheering me up and motivating me.  
> First of all my thanks goes out to my friend Sarah, who is the one I discuss my ideas with, who challenges me with difficult questions, gives me amazing feedback, and educates me about writing techniques.  
> My second thanks goes out to the Instagram account Supercorpcanon who provided me with so many positive feedback she made me want to pick up my laptop again and write.
> 
> _"How wonderful it must be to have the power to move people to adoration or wolfishness within vengeance that have sprung out of one's mind like birds from a conjurer's hat."_  
>  \- Islands of Mercy


	17. There is something about Argo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news about the little bean's biological parent hit like a brick in the face.  
> Kara and Lena need to cope and find each other again.  
> They spend more time on Argo than they planned before they left.  
> Kara and Lena need each other and it's time to open up.  
> Some hard but necessary conversations will be held.  
> There is just something about Argo...

The view was different on Argo.  
Stars lit up the sky in a wild variety of colors.  
As a child, she stargazed a lot whenever she had to spend the night outside or in the treehouse again, with or without her brother.  
Where the Milky Way contains mainly white stars with a lost blue or red flickering, the galaxy seen from Argo contained not only white, blue, and red stars but also yellow, pink, green, orange, and purple.  
A real treat to the eyes.  
Even the sky was not a blue shade of black, here it was a deep shade of purple.  
Lena took in the wonder above her and let it calm her soul from all the impressions and turmoil of the day. 

“I thought I heard someone,” Alura entered the porch where Lena was overthinking the latest plot twist to her life.  
Lena forced herself out of her comfortable gaze and turned to face the Kryptonian.  
“My apologies, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she excuses herself.  
Alura wove it off and joined her watching the night sky.  
“Kara loved to watch the stars. We would often find an empty bed and discover her in front of a window or on the balcony, watching the sky.”  
Out of the corner of her eye, Lena witnessed a proud mother reliving memories of her little girl.  
“We took her to as many different planets as possible. She has always shown an interest in different cultures and species. We wanted her to be well educated. To become the woman who would be able to fulfill a high position within the science guild,” there was a sadness hidden behind her smile.  
Lena listened attentively to what the woman had to say about her loved one’s childhood.  
“She was such a kind and friendly child, but also smart and strong-minded.”  
A smile appeared on Lena’s face for Kara was still kind, friendly, smart, and strong-minded, although she would prefer the term stubborn.  
“She would be paired with a good match to reproduce a strong Kryptonian for future sake.”  
Alura paused and lowered her head.  
“When Krypton was crumbling, we were preparing for a disaster. We assumed nobody would make it out alive. Kal-El was sent out in a pod to give him a chance of survival. We chose to do the same for Kara. It was either death or a small chance of survival for our daughter.”  
Lena had to admit it sounded like a logical thing to do given the circumstances.  
“Kara rarely did anything for herself. It’s in her nature to care for others. The only way she would stop resisting to go was to give her an assignment… To take care of Kal-El.”  
Lena scoffed, “He never needed any help,” she concluded.  
With a shake of the head Alura answered, “It would have been nice if they had each other arriving on the new planet, but unfortunately that did not happen. Kara was the eldest child sent off to a distant planet. The cultural shock would have been too great for most. But Kara with her social skills, her interest in other cultures and her willingness to adapt… If anyone could have made it, it would have been her,” Alura gave Lena a weak smile.  
“And she did!” she confirmed, making Alura nod in response, “Yes, she did.”

A silence fell between them.  
One that didn’t make Lena uncomfortable, nor at ease at the same time.  
She debated with herself if she should open the conversation with Alura or not.  
But how to start?  
What did she want to talk about?  
Well, Kara of course…  
But she also feared Alura’s opinion about her being good had changed because of her pregnancy.

“You might not be Kryptonian, but you would have made a fine addition to the science guild,” Alura broke the silence, “I think you would be a fine match for my daughter.”  
Lena was surprised by this confession, “Do you even think that after you found I wasn’t pregnant with Kara’s child?” she needed to ask this question for it would haunt her if she didn’t.  
“I knew from the moment Kara told me about your pregnancy. It could have never been hers.”  
Although Lena had trouble wrapping her head around the possibility, it still surprised her there had never been a chance apparently.  
“Our organs work differently, Lena. You are human and from what I know, your egg needs semen to create life.”  
She was getting The Talk from the mother of her girlfriend and it made her cringe.  
“A Kryptonian womb only needs DNA to reproduce and it doesn’t matter if it’s from a man or a woman. As long as it’s a species we can reproduce with,” she continued her education.

Lena processed the new information.  
This meant Kara could have known the baby wasn’t hers if she had The Talk before she left Krypton.  
She must feel bad about that…  
Then it clicked, “Does that mean I can never get pregnant with Kara’s child, but I can get Kara pregnant?” she asked to be certain.  
Alura confirmed with a nod.

Imagining Kara pregnant with Lena’s child made her chuckle.  
That possibility had never entered her mind before, maybe the load of it would hit her later, she had other things on her mind right now.

The moment Kara told the little bean she wasn’t her mommy played on an infinite loop in Lena’s mind.  
Three hearts shatter like crystals.  
She could hear Kara’s pain in her voice and feel it in her touch.  
She could feel her stomach drop and heart rip in two.  
And she could have sworn she felt a pinching pain in her womb like her little one cried out her first tears of sorrow.  
She couldn’t blame her little bean.  
If a baby could choose her mother… who wouldn’t want the kind-hearted, hopeful, joyful, funny, smart, protective, and sweet Kara Danvers as their mom?

Through every pore of Lena’s body, guilt had entered her system.  
Irrational guilt that blamed her for not carrying Kara’s child but William’s.  
Like her body was too weak to turn Kryptonian DNA into a baby, something Kara would be able to do with her DNA.  
Like she had chosen to carry his child.  
She didn’t want his child… She wanted her child.

Lena found herself caressing her belly.

No, she wanted this child.  
Even with his genes, the little bean was still hers… and Kara’s.  
It didn’t really matter to her who’s gene’s the little bean has, Lena wants the best for her little girl and Kara is the best.

“Do you think less of me now?” Lena wondered out loud.  
Alura tore her gaze away from the sky to look at Lena in confusion, “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”  
She swallowed, “Now that you know I have been with someone right before Kara… Or… during even…” her face was heated with shame.  
The time it took for her to react felt like agonizing minutes, while in reality, it couldn’t have taken Alura more than two seconds to smile kindly, making relief flow out of Lena in a deep sigh.  
“Kara explained what happened to you. About the wedding and her confession… I think it’s admirable you gave this man a chance anyway… I’m sorry for what happened to you.”  
“She told you?” Lena gasped.  
The story of how she got tossed around by her ex-husband was not something she was proud of.  
It’s not a secret but she’d like to decide for herself who she tells so she can elaborate if necessary.  
“She told me he didn’t treat you right. Given the expression on Kara’s face I got the feeling it wasn’t because he refused to take the trash out,” she explained herself.  
Lena released the tension in her shoulders, “Okay, yes… He wasn’t. He was good to me in the beginning though and he is improving himself now,” she defended him to let her know she wasn’t a fool for choosing him back then.

Alura’s expression changed, she became more distant, taking Lena aback.  
“Are you planning on going back to him?” she confronted Lena.  
The idea was so absurd, she couldn’t find the right words to react and just stammered, “What?”  
“Now that you know the child is his… Are you going to leave my daughter and go back to him?” her eyes were dangerously piercing.  
“No, of course not! That is ridiculous!” She immediately regretted the tone she used against this high society woman of a lost planet and her lover’s mother on top of that.  
“I’m sorry. I mean, I can’t see myself getting back with that man ever again. My heart belongs to Kara and no one else,” she apologized.  
“I had to ask… Kara feared you would go back to him,” Alura turned her eyes away from Lena with a sad expression on her face, “I know I haven’t been the best mother in the past… But I would hate for my daughter to get hurt. It’s hard for me seeing her this sad.”

Kara fearing Lena would leave her was a very irrational fear in Lena’s opinion.  
She could imagine how emotions must be twirling around in her mind, making her fear the most ridiculous things.  
It had been hard for Lena to see Kara this heartbroken as well.  
Kara hadn’t spoken ever since, except for the few short Kryptonian phrases she whimpered in her sleep.  
The sobs were hard to bear.  
Lena had held Kara close to her as she cried herself to sleep.  
But the crying didn’t stop once she slumbered away, she kept weeping softly.  
It was the reason Lena was standing on the porch.  
She needed a break from the pain she couldn’t carry.

“Thank you for letting me know,” she said to Alura, “If you will excuse me, I will head back to Kara. I don’t want her to wake up without me.”  
She gave the mother a nod before walking back in.  
“Oh, Lena…” Alura made her turn around, “I do believe you could be a good match for my daughter.”  
A proud warmth rose to her cheeks, “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” 

\--------------------------------------------

The exhausted blonde was still whimpering in her sleep.  
Lena went over the pros and cons of waking her or letting her sleep.  
She didn’t want Kara to be afraid of losing her, especially not to William.  
She would allow Kara to be sad, but she won’t let her be scared for that is unnecessary.  
Kara needed her sleep to process her disappointment today, but Lena was afraid Kara would wake up before she did and she wouldn’t be able to let her know how irrational her fear was.

To prevent Kara from leaving the guest room in the morning and driving her mind crazy, Lena wrote a note she hung at the door.  
Kara couldn’t miss it.

_My dear Funshine,_

_Wake me up before you go,  
for there is something I need you to know.  
I know I don’t let you see,  
that you mean the world to me!_

_-X-  
Your Rainbow Bear _

\-------------------------------------------

Lena was floating in an open sea.  
Careless and free, drifting on her back staring at the night sky.  
The footsteps she heard annoyed her because they took her out of her peaceful state.  
Water began to flush away from under her pulling her down till she lay on the raw floor.  
A soft thump sounded in the background, but there was no door or any other way out.  
Only walls surrounded her.  
The room seemed to close in on her, which made Lena feel trapped.  
Her hands trailed down the walls in search of a way out.  
She was sure she heard a door open and close, but there was none to be found.  
With every turn she took the space seemed to close in on her.  
Footsteps were approaching, but there was nobody to be found.  
Lena needed to get out.  
She needed space to breathe.

“Lena… Lee… Lena…”  
A gentle touch to her cheek startled her awake.

The first thing she saw as her eyes flashed open was the piercing, sapphires she loved so much.  
“I… I found your note and… Were you having a nightmare?” Kara caressed her cheek with the backside of her fingers.  
Taking her surroundings in, she realized it was all just a dream.  
Disoriented as she was, she clutched her hands around Kara’s arms and pulled herself up, letting herself fall into the safe embrace of her hero.

Kara got back into bed with Lena and held her in her arms until she calmed down.  
Embarrassed by her need for Kara’s protection she excused herself, “I’m sorry, my dreams are very vivid lately.”  
“That’s okay. It’s a part of being pregnant,” she sounded emotionless but calm in her explanation.  
Lena wondered how she knew, but she was more distracted by Kara’s emptiness.

She pushed herself up to rest her back against the headboard.  
“We need to talk,” she announced.  
The sadness in Kara’s eyes made her regret her choice of words for they often meant something else than what she was aiming for.  
“I mean about the little bean and how we feel about this… How you feel about this,” she elaborated. 

Kara slumped with a sigh, “It’s fine…” She turned her eyes away from Lena’s gaze, “She could have never been mine and I shouldn’t have gotten myself this excited. I can only blame myself.”  
Observing her sad girlfriend she concluded it was indeed self-blame she witnessed together combined with shame.  
“I… I must admit I hated your excitement at first…” Kara squinted her eyes in response which motivated Lena to take her hand, “But I think it was your excitement that helped me accept this child. Your instant love for this little bean inspired me to love instead of fear her.”  
The blonde looked at Lena from the corner of her eyes. 

Switching positions she spread her arms and legs for Kara to snuggle up against her.  
It took a few seconds of silent motivation to convince her to accept the offer.  
Lena cradled Kara close against her who seemed to lose some of her tension.  
“You know… I ran into your mother last night...” She caught Kara’s attention with that, but other than a set of questioning eyes no reaction came.  
“She was under the impression you were afraid I would leave you…” Kara turned her eyes away again, “Darling is this true?”  
Arms wrapped tighter around her and a small nod gave into the truth.

Lena was overflowing with sadness because of this confirmation, but also relief because this was an opportunity to talk it out of her system.  
She sighed deeply, “Oh my sweet, sweet Kara…” she rested her head against the blonde, “What gave you that idea?”

It took Kara a while to find her words and Lena gave her time to search.  
She drew patterns at her back to increase her comfort, easing her into expressing her feelings.  
“I don’t know… It got me thinking… The first four years of your life it was just you and your mother, after that you got adopted by the Luthors, who didn’t even tell you that you were living with your biological father… Your childhood was confusing…”  
Lena couldn’t argue that.  
“I thought having me involved would unnecessarily complicate your daughter’s life… I just hope you won’t get back with him or he would at least treat you b-”  
“I’m going to stop you right there. You are trailing down a dark and very unrealistic path!” Lena couldn’t believe this was really occupying Kara’s mind, “Even if he would change and become the most perfect man a woman could wish for… I would never go back to him! I’m even insulted you would think that… He hurt me, Kara!”  
She didn’t say those words out loud enough.  
She still hated to say he hurt her, it was too confronting, too real.  
It still felt like failing to keep herself from harm, even after all her sessions with Kelly.

“I know, I know… I’m sorry… My mind is such a mess right now. I think so many things,” she whimpered apologetically.  
Lena couldn’t be mad at her.  
She had a lot to process.  
They both did.  
“I get that, I really do… But you have to start talking!” Lena insisted as she tried to hide the frustration that was building inside.  
Kara got a bit defensive, “I don’t even know what I’m thinking!”  
Thankful the blonde stayed in her arms, she offered, “Then let’s figure that out together!”

During their conversation, both women had tensed up.  
In the silence that followed they were able to sink into each other again.  
Soft in her arms Lena asked Kara, “Can you tell me about your talk with your mother?”

Not knowing Lena also had The Talk from Alura, she started explaining the technicalities of conceiving a hybrid Earthling-Kryptonian.  
It wasn’t what Lena wanted to hear.  
The facts were clear to her, she wanted to know what happened within her girl.  
How was Kara coping?  
She wanted to help her but Kara hasn’t spoken any word of meaning about her feelings.  
When Kara went on about the facts Lena cut her off, “Kara, I know. I had the same talk with your mother.”  
“You had The Talk with my mother?” Kara seemed horrified.  
“Ah… yes, it was uncomfortable… But not the point now…”  
Lena wished she had the same gift with words as Kelly had when it came to getting people to open up.  
Kelly even got her to open up.

When Kara shut down again Lena was losing her patience and cut right to the case.  
Her protective mother-heart rose to the surface, “Do you think of the little bean differently now?”  
Kara turned around abruptly, with wide eyes she stared into Lena’s.  
The lack of an answer angered Lena and she bit out, “Do you love her any less?”  
“What? No of course not!” the insulted expression on her face seemed to be what Lena was looking for as she could feel the tiger mom inside calming down.

Even though Lena was still holding Kara, the tension was thick in the air around them.  
They stared intensely into each other’s eyes.  
Lena felt an unfamiliar protectiveness towards her unborn child.  
Wanting Kara to care as much as she did before was an understatement.  
She needed Kara to care as much as she did before.  
Her pride would not prevent her from begging Kara to love the child as much as she did before.  
Without Kara and all the love she had to offer, Lena was uncertain if she could make her child feel as loved as she would feel with Kara as a parent.  
She knew she loved her, she could feel it in every fiber of her being, but the insecurity about her loveless childhood made her wonder if she could ever give the little girl what she needed on her own.

The blue eyes softened under her gaze as the lower lip of the blonde trembled.  
They had been frozen in time until Kara spoke softly, “I love her.”  
Her voice was so vulnerable and honest, she made Lena’s heart melt.

She had to oppress a smile of endearment because she had a good guess what the answer to her next question would be.  
“So, what changed?” 

Kara’s face flushed, “I… I was afraid you would think of me differently.”  
A chuckle escaped, “I can assure you that is not the case! So… except for the fact that this little girl inside me will not be a blonde, blue-eyed, half Kryptonian… What has changed?”

With the release of a deep breath, a smile appeared on the Kryptonian face.  
She wrapped her arms around Lena with the words, “Nothing did.”  
Resting her forehead against Kara’s, Lena sighed with relief, “No, nothing did.”

\---------------------------------------------

Krypotian robes were very comfortable, Lena wouldn’t complain about wearing them.  
Kara looked so soft, wise and royal even in her outfit.

Lena had insisted on getting a tour of Argo.  
Besides her interest in this highly technological society, she was also determined to learn more about Kara’s roots.  
With the prospect of them becoming a family, Lena sees importance in raising their child as the daughter of a Kryptonian, even though she doesn’t have any Kryptonian blood, her mother does.

It was nice to walk hand in hand and hear Kara talk about her childhood memories.  
They got to something that looked like a beautiful piece of art surrounded by serenity.  
“This is a shrine for Rao,” Kara explained, “When I felt lonely and lost on Earth, I prayed to Him and got the strength to move on. Rao has always been with me and made me feel less alone,” she smiled proudly.  
Lena was surprised by this, she never thought of Kara as the religious type.  
“My belief was one of the few things I had left from my days at Krypton. I carry Rao within and nobody can take Him from me.”  
Lena squeezed Kara’s hand, “That makes so much sense.”  
“Do you mind if I…” Kara hesitated, but Lena needed no further explanation.  
“Of course not, go ahead!” she encouraged her.

Although Lena wasn’t the religious kind herself, she always found it attractive when someone believed in something.  
Kara took a candle, but she hesitated before turning around.  
With the second candle in hand, she faced Lena, “Will you sit with me?”  
Her eyes flickered between the candle and Kara’s eyes.  
This seemed to be important to Kara and Kara was important to her.  
Lena nodded, took the candle and followed Kara’s example.

She sat down on her knees next to Kara as she started praying.  
“Though we go forth alone, our soul unites us under Rao’s gladsome rays. We are never lost, never afraid. For we shrink not under the sun of righteousness. Rao binds us to those we love.”  
Lena listened carefully to what Kara’s religion was all about.  
It sounded like love, she concluded.  
The passion Kara seemed to have for her religion and the knowledge she had made a humbleness fall upon Lena.  
She had never seen this side of her girlfriend before, but she respected it with all her heart.  
“Rao, protect us so that we might protect others. And we shall rise, a fire in His hearth, burning and free.”

Kara blew her candle out.  
Calming energy radiated from her bringing peace upon Lena as well.  
Because Lena was captivated by Kara’s serenity, the blonde had to blow her candle out as well.  
“Thank you,” Kara’s eyes twinkled like stars in the Argo night sky.  
With her smile, she brought Lena in awe.

\-----------------------------------------------

In the evening they lay a plaid down in the grass just outside Argo and went stargazing together.  
Lena had told Kara how impressed she was by the night sky.  
Because Argo was set in a different location in the Galaxy than where Krypton used to be, Kara couldn’t tell her what the stars and planets that belonged to them were called.  
Laying on their back, holding each other’s hand, they admired the beauty above them together.  
“In this purple sky, I like the yellow stars the best. They shine the brightest,” Lena noted.  
Kara agreed, “I loved to look at them when I was little… But look at that pink one? It’s hard to see because it almost disappears in this night sky, but if you focus… You can see how proud it still shines. It’s an old star. It has served many planets and lives for such a long time. And now it’s reign is almost over. That star is dying, just like Rao.”  
Lena knitted her brows, “Rao is dying? But I thought Rao was your God?” she asked.  
“He is. Rao is light. Rao is the sun. And our red sun is dying. Nobody knows how long it will last. But it’s certain Rao will last longer than that pink star. We can still see it, but it’s so far away I’m pretty sure it has already died out.”  
Hearing Kara talk about the stars made Lena’s heart flutter.  
She bit her lip, realizing how excited she got from Kara’s knowledge.  
A giggle escaped which drew Kara’s attention.  
Lena elaborated, “Hey Funshine...” she lowered her voice seductively, “Talk nerdy to me!”

Kara chuckled, “That does it for you?”  
“You do it for me!” Lena pulled up one eyebrow combined with a smirk.  
Even without her superspeed Kara didn’t need much time to get herself hovering above Lena.  
“O, really?” she lowered her face closer to Lena’s, lingering over her lips.  
She was within reach, Lena could already feel her breath on her skin.  
Preparing for the kiss she opened her mouth slightly.  
Kara didn’t lower, she was teasing Lena with a mischievous smile.  
In need of her taste, Lena chased after her eagerly.  
“So greedy!” Kara joked as she dodged her.  
“So mean!” Lena scrunched her nose, making Kara giggle in the process.  
She rewarded Lena with a deep kiss that lasted until they ran out of air but it was nowhere near long enough for Lena’s taste.

Kara kissed her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, trailed down her torso to eventually snuggle her ear on Lena’s stomach.  
As much as Lena liked that feeling, she knew what Kara was trying to do.  
She gently brushed her fingers through Kara’s hair, “Darling?”  
Kara shushed her, “I’m trying to hear her,” she whispered.  
“Kar, you won’t-” “I know… I want to try anyway,” she insisted softly.  
Lena took a deep breath and gave Kara the time and space she needed with her belly.

It was strange to realize she and Kara would have never met if Alura and Zor-El never decided to put their daughter in that pod.  
Kara would have grown up here at Argo and would probably have a high function on the council by now.  
If she hadn’t found a partner on her own yet, she would have probably been matched and they would have conceived a child together.  
All because her parents took that one decision a long time ago.  
That one decision made Kara champion of Earth as Supergirl.  
Thanks to that one decision, Kara fell in love with Lena Luthor.  
All because of that choice, Kara was now resting her head on Lena’s abdomen.  
And without Kara… Who would Lena be?  
Lena would have probably died in the helicopter crash, which was now the first day they met.  
Or she would have died falling off her balcony.  
Or she would have died by poisoning.  
Or she would have died in a plane crash.  
Or she would have died from a gunshot.  
Come to think of it… Kara was the reason Lena was still alive.  
Kara was Lena’s reason for living.  
All because of that one choice Kara’s parents made.

With a sniff, the weight lifted from her stomach.  
Kara moved up and nuzzled against Lena, who opened her arm to make room for the sad blonde.  
The mood had changed from a joyful light one into a saddened heavy cloak that rested upon them.

The moment didn’t feel like one that should be filled with words.  
Although sorrow hung all around them, Lena could still enjoy the peace and warmth of Kara’s body pressed against her.  
Behind all that sadness was also a lot of love hidden that made Lena’s heart beat stronger for the woman in her arms.

“I knew I wasn’t going to hear her…” Kara broke the silence, “Ever since I learned she was not mine… I felt so disconnected to her… Almost as if I had lost her,” she whimpered.  
Lena wanted to comfort her.  
She wanted to tell her that wasn’t the case, she hasn’t lost anybody.  
But Kara was talking… and she wasn’t going to interrupt her.  
To let her know she was not alone, Lena caressed her back and provided her with time to find her words.  
“It is silly to feel like you have lost someone who was never yours, to begin with…” Kara scoffed, “It turned out I was a fool for even thinking that could have been possible.”  
Her self blame cut Lena deep, her lover was no fool!  
Especially not for loving her little girl.  
She was the bravest, the best and the warmest soul she ever met.  
She sighed and kissed Kara’s head.  
“I left Krypton without the full knowledge and I altered the information I did have to do my bidding.”  
Kara clenched the fabric of Lena’s robe in her fist.  
“I feel like such a fool for loving her this much… No, I feel like a fool for assuming she was mine because I love her this much.”

The magic of Kara’s love for the little bean still made Lena’s heart spark with affection for both of them.  
Kara was in so much emotion, but still chose her words carefully not to downgrade the little one.

“Somehow my mind got so confused I even feared you would choose her biological father over me.”  
Lena felt the need to once again make sure Kara knew that was not going to happen.  
She had already told Kara and she would tell her a thousand times more if necessary.  
But she didn’t have to for Kara was continuing to pour her heart out.  
She scoffed, “That fucking William… I blamed myself for not being able to protect you. I still do. I should have stayed! But he… He hurt you, Lee…” Lena could feel Kara’s gaze upon her face.  
A strain of hair got brushed out of her face gently.  
Lena swallowed her uncomfort away.  
She didn’t want this subject to become big again.  
She wanted to leave it behind.  
But apparently, Kara wasn’t done with it yet.  
Stopping her now would mean she might stop talking and Lena didn’t want her to stop.  
She would suck this up.

“He had no right to treat you like he did. He was your husband. He was supposed to protect you. I trusted him with you. I even told you to give your marriage a chance. I should have stopped him. I should have taken you away from your honeymoon. I should have stopped your wedding. I should have told you about my feelings for you before you even moved in together. I should have-”  
“Okay, that’s enough!” Kara was spiraling down hard and Lena didn’t want to watch her slip into a panic.  
“Talking about what should have been done differently doesn’t change anything!” She realized how harsh her voice was and changed her tone to be softer, “You are amazing to me and I’m happy you are letting it out,” She kissed Kara’s temple, “I also wish things had been different… But they are not. We are dealing with it now and I’m glad we are together to do so!” she smiled weakly.  
Kara couldn’t be cheered up.  
“I hate him, Lena. I know you are finding your way to deal with him and even show compassion for him… And I know that I am Supergirl and I am supposed to be all about compassion and hope and forgiveness… But I still have nightmares about your bruises. Those colors are still so vivid on my mind. I am still more careful with the parts of your body that used to be so hurt. I know you have healed, but I can still see them and I don’t even have to use my x-ray vision, I just know. I realize how much worse it could have been. And I know I shouldn’t hate, but I hate him and it scares the shit out of me,” she cried out.

Lena could feel her stomach turn at Kara’s description of her trauma.  
It made her head spin and it was almost as if she could feel her ribs nagging for attention again.  
Kara was right about how much worse it could have been.  
Not only if she had landed differently, but also if Mr. Dey never got involved.  
Yet Lena didn’t hate him.  
She had more sympathy for him than most people did.  
But she understood Kara’s frustration.  
Kara wasn’t there, but she had seen the bruises and heard her cry out in pain.  
That must have been hard on her.

She wrapped her arms tight around the rambling Kara to seek shelter, “And now he is going to be the father to your child. He doesn’t deserve her!” Her words were muffled in Lena’s robe Kara had nuzzled against.  
She jerked her head up to look Lena straight in her watery eyes, “I won’t allow him to hurt her, Lee. I don’t want him near our daughter!”

Lena knew she had to discuss this problem sometime, she had been procrastinating up until now.  
“We will find a way to protect her, darling. We will… Together!” her lower lip trembled with worry.  
She focused on cradling the crying Kryptonian in her arms until she was able to breathe calmly again.

On their way back to Alura’s place they continued their talk.  
“M… maybe it’s a good idea to get an appointment with Kelly together about the whole… William thing,” Lena proposed with a heavy heart.  
That would be a hard session on top of all the hard sessions she has about her childhood.  
Kara squeezed her hand in reaction, “Yeah… I think that might be a good idea,” she sighed.

Lena changed the mood to be more positive, she couldn’t handle the darkness anymore.  
She admitted how wonderful it was to her that Kara loved the little bean so much, she had to be hers.  
“She feels so far away now… I don’t know if that’s still true.”  
She didn’t believe Kara’s doubt would come true.  
Her love for the little bean had been so outspoken, Lena had faith it would come back.  
“You know what?” Lena offered, “First thing for you to do when we get back from Argo is spending a while with your head on my stomach to listen to that little beatbox inside me.”  
Kara lost her frown and smiled softly, “I would like that.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------

As if on a mini-vacation, Kara and Lena spend a couple more days at Argo.  
Like dedicated tourists, they explored all the highlights of Argo.  
From the extraordinary architecture to the beauty of the flora.  
Kara had informed Lena the flower in their bedroom, Lena had been drawn too, was called the Dar-essa, “I had this flower in my room when I was a kid. It was supposed to grow together with me, but I grew faster than the flower,” she chuckled, “I think we are the same height now though.”  
Lena took a step back and compared the length of the plant from the pot up to Kara, “I think you are right.”

\-----------------------------------------

Alura seemed to enjoy letting Lena in on the technological wonders of Argo.  
Zor-El’s lab was Lena’s favorite place to be.  
Her mind was already running over ideas to integrate Argo technology into L-Corp and vice versa.  
Alura was interested in Lena’s capabilities and wasn’t opposed to all the possibilities this collaboration provided.  
To Lena’s surprise, Alura had her own transmatter portal in the lab.  
The last time it had been linked to a portal in the DEO.  
Now the DEO was gone and Kara assumed they would have to fly back in the pod.

“Maybe you can build a portal when we get back so we could travel to Argo more often?” Kara asked hopefully after her mother left the lab for Lena to snoop around.  
Lena felt very pleased with herself, “I’m one step ahead of you!” she said smug, “The morning after our first date I went to the lab to work on a portal so we didn’t have to travel back in that uncomfortable pod. Besides… the portals are so much faster… I finished it the day before we left.”  
Kara’s mouth fell agape as her eyes grew wide with a sparkle in them, “Really?”  
Lena couldn’t finish her nod because Kara had already flung herself around her neck.  
“Have I ever told you, you are amazing?” Kara cheered.  
“You told me last night,” Lena whispered in her ear.  
Kara took a step back and pushed her playfully, “You are unbelievable!”  
“I’m pregnant!” Lena blurted out, “apparently that is part of the deal,” she joked.  
With a pained face Kara stretched her back and legs and rolled her neck, “I don’t get how you do it, my muscles are so sore it hurts when I move.”  
“You need more practice!” Lena giggled.  
“I need to get back to Earth before you kill me,” Kara chuckled.  
“Who is planning to kill you?” Alura walked in surrounded by a protective mother air.

Lena and Kara jerked their heads towards her.  
Out of the corners of her eyes, Lena could see Kara get flustered.  
Heat crept up to her cheekbones as well, but Kara’s reaction still amused her.  
“I… eh… Lena… I mean, no one!... No one is trying to kill me!” she stammered, “It’s just an Earthly saying. It’s innocent.”  
“You sure about that?” Lena made sure she spoke soft enough so only Kara would hear her.  
Kara gasped nervously.  
“An Earthly saying? Please, explain how killing somebody is an innocent saying,” of all the times Alura could show interest in Earthly customs, she picked this saying…  
“Oh, what’s that I hear?” Lena theatrically held her hand behind her ear, “Aw, that’s a pity… I need to be anywhere but here,” she kissed Kara’s cheek and made a mental note to make it up to Kara later.  
“Good luck, sweetheart!”  
Lena dashed off, leaving Kara in an awkward situation with her mother.  
“Traitor!” Kara yelled after her.

\--------------------------------------------

They didn’t plan for their trip to become a romantic getaway, but somehow it just happened.  
Getting to know if Kara was the parent had been their main goal, but these days became so much more.  
The scenery was so soothing to Lena’s soul, she liked to be on Argo.  
Kara was happy to spend time with her mother and experience her culture again.

Besides the joyful and relaxing moments together, Lena and Kara also did some serious talking.  
Some of the topics were painful to talk about, others were enlightening. 

One of the hardest for Lena was letting Kara in on her childhood trauma.  
It must have been something about Argo.  
Maybe it was just about them not being in the middle of all their problems that made them able to connect deeper than they ever did before.  
She had wanted to talk to Kara about the focus of the therapy for a while now, but somehow the words always got stuck in her throat.  
On Argo everything was different.  
After Kara opened up about her fears and anger, they became closer, and talking became easier.

During an evening walk, Lena finally leaped, “Kara… There is something I wanted to let you in on for a long time, but I… I could never find the right words…”  
She didn’t expect she would become so nervous all of a sudden.  
Regret came over her, she wished she never started this conversation, but now Kara was looking at her with so much love and care in her eyes.  
Kara gave her an encouraging smile and squeezed her hand, “Take your time, love. I’m here.”

Lena took her time.  
Staring into Kara’s eyes she pleaded for her memories to somehow transfer to Kara.  
She wished her own eyes could tell all without her having to open her mouth because it was so scary to talk about.

“Do you want me to hold you for a while?” Kara offered.  
Lena needed more strength to speak and Kara’s arms might be exactly what she needed to power up.  
Absently she nodded and let herself get pulled into a sheltering hug.  
The slow rocking of their bodies made Lena ease up.  
She could disappear into Kara’s safety, which made her time with the Luthors less of a blockade.  
Kara’s soft humming demolished her walls.  
Even without her powers, Kara was her strong anchor.  
She kept her warm during the coldest winter.  
She sheltered her during the roughest storm.  
She made her soft when her life was hard.

“You are so special to me, you know that?” Lena asked rhetorically.  
Kara nodded, “So are you,” she kissed her temple, “What is it you wanted to tell me?”  
Lena found it easier to talk in Kara’s arms when she was not facing her so she turned around and let herself be captured in Kara’s embrace.  
Staring ahead, watching the Argo skyline light up as the sun was setting, Lena found her words.  
“My sessions with Kelly are pretty tough lately…” she could feel Kara readjusting her stance, shuffling a little bit tighter against her back, “and it’s not because of William… He just triggered it all.”  
Kara rested her chin on Lena’s shoulder and brushed her cheek against Lena’s, which made her feel untouchable for any form of harm.  
She sighed with a smile at the security she felt.  
“You know my childhood wasn’t the best after the Luthors took me in… My father loved me as much as he hated me. I think he loved the memory of my mother that came with me, but he hated that I wasn’t her. I reminded him of her death every day… He wanted me all to himself, but his temper was short and when his patience was put to the test I was the first to suffer the consequences.”  
A silent tear escaped for the little girl hiding from his rage.  
“All this time I thought Lex was my hero… He hid me away somewhere when our father was looking for me… He cleaned my wounds when I got hurt… He held me when I was scared…” Lena adjusted her grip on Kara’s arms, “I’m realizing more and more that he was manipulating me into making father lose his temper, which made me run straight into his narcissistic arms,” she gritted between teeth.  
Kara placed a kiss at the clenched muscles of her jaw.  
Somehow Kara’s energy seemed even calmer, which kept Lena from tensing up further.  
“He caused my injuries indirectly! He used me as his own little puppet to enhance his own fragile ego and I let him!” Lena couldn’t help but let the anger she felt for her own failure slip out.  
“I truly believed he was my hero and I was willing to do absolutely everything for him… He just laughed at me, she wrote it in his journals. I was such a fool!”  
“You were just a child, he was the big brother who should have protected his little sister. He should have been better,” Kara said with a low and calm voice.  
Lena nodded, she knew that was true.  
“Lillian stayed away from me. Also because father didn’t want her near me… She distanced herself so much from me, she let everything happen. Everything father did to me… Everything Lex did to me… On the rare occasions I begged her to help me, even though I would never say it out loud, she let me know I was pathetic and a disappointment. I was a sorry excuse for a Luthor and I should have never been adopted into the family… She made me feel so lonely! Especially after Lex left for college.”  
“I’m sorry, Lee. I knew it was bad, but… I’m sorry for never asking…” a tear wettened Lena’s shoulder.  
She sighed, “That’s alright… I wouldn’t have told you anyway. I wasn’t ready before.”  
A sniff escaped Kara, “What changed?” her voice cracked.  
Lena leaned into Kara’s protection, “Two things actually… For one, William opened a box to my childhood coping style… It triggered a lot of bad memories. And second… I’m going to be a mom, Kara… I don’t know how to make a child happy… My childhood was never happy! All the memories I thought I was safe and loved… I was being used and manipulated… I have been hurt in more ways than a child should ever endure,” Lena whimpered.  
As she was done talking, she turned around in Kara’s arms to hide her face in the nape of her neck.  
While she was caressing her back, Kara kept quiet for some time.

When she broke the silence it was impossible for her to hide her adoration for the trembling Luthor.  
“I am so impressed by you! After everything you went through, you still thrive to be good and you are kind and strong and… I don’t know what to say… I just wish life had been easier on you, you deserved it,” Kara’s voice shivered, but never broke.  
She kissed Lena’s head.  
“I’m sorry, Lee… I’m here now.”  
Lena let her tears flow even when she pulled away so she could look at Kara.  
Kara was allowed to see her tears, it was okay to be vulnerable with her.  
“You make me happy, Kara… You fill an emptiness I thought would never be filled,” she confessed, “Will you help me make our child happy? Give her the childhood I never had?”  
With a saddened smile Kara nodded, “Yeah… Yes, of course!”  
They connected their foreheads, “There is nothing I want more than to make my two women happy.”  
The way Kara could talk about her and the little bean as being a complete family with the three of them made Lena laugh with warmth.  
“I hope I can make you happy as well,” Lena wished out loud.  
Kara cupped her face with the palm of her hand, “You already do!”  
She leaned in for the most soothing and tender kiss Lena had ever experienced. 

\----------------------------------------------

The last evening of their stay, the three women stared at the starry sky together from the porch.  
“I’m glad the two of you came here,” Alura opened the conversation.  
“I hope you enjoyed your stay here, Lena.”  
Lena nodded at her, “I did, thank you.”  
“You are always welcome to use Zor-El’s lab and I hope we can work together in the future,” she gave Lena a respectful nod, which Lena returned gratefully.

The elder Kryptonian turned her attention towards her daughter, “I was worried about you after our talk the first day, but you seem to do a lot better now,” she noted.  
Kara nodded, “I do. Lena and I had some good conversations. I think our visit to Argo was enlightening for the both of us,” she proudly glanced over at Lena.  
“Of course it would have been best for all of us if I were the biological parent, but knowing that is not even a possibility makes it sound silly now,” Kara chuckled embarrassed.  
To support her, Lena took her hand and smiled at her.  
She knew it was a healing wound to Kara, but she was convinced they would get through this.  
Kara smiled back and continued, “Lena and I are going to raise this child together. I might not be her biological parent, but I’m going to be her mother anyway!” it was as if Kara was growing the moment she called herself ‘mother’.  
Her back straightened and her nose pointed up proudly.

Lena’s heart could melt at the sight of her baby-mommy.  
This woman was definitely going to be the mother of her child and it made Lena chuckle.  
Kara was just… amazing.  
She was everything.

When Lena tore her eyes away from Kara she busted Alura eying them both with affection.  
It was an approval Lena didn’t know she would value so much.

“Have you talked about a name yet?” Alura was interested to know.  
“Oh no,” Kara answered, “it’s all still so new.”  
“But we will,” Lena ensured her as she got lost in Kara’s blue’s again.  
The Argo night sky might be something special, but even that much beauty can’t compare to the riches trapped in Kara’s eyes.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Enjoy your last evening, girls. Goodnight!” Alura nodded before she turned around and left.  
Lena felt shame for forgetting about Alura’s presence, but that feeling disappeared as Kara caressed her cheek.  
“You are so beautiful, rainbow bear.”  
After all the conversations they’ve had the last couple of days, this nickname hit differently than it did before.  
“Maybe you should find another pet name for me,” Lena squinted her eyes as she remembered Kara saying she could still see her bruises.  
That colored skin was the reason she got the nickname in the first place.  
By holding on to that nickname, they might hold on to the painful memory behind it.  
Kara nodded, “I will think of something…” she kissed Lena’s temple before her gaze got captured by the night sky, “My Shooting Star bear!”  
“You mean Wish Bear!” Lena corrected her with amusement.  
“You had to be smug about it, didn’t you?” Kara chuckled.  
Lena nuzzled herself against Kara and rested her head on her shoulder, “Yep!”  
Kara kissed her head, “I love you, Starlight.”  
“I love you too, Funshine!” Lena kissed Kara’s jaw.

\-------------------------------------------------

Lena did a final check on the equipment, while Kara said goodbye to her mother.  
For safety reasons, she had programmed the portal to only let Alura, Kara and herself through.  
The pod was stalled in Zor-El’s lab and it was going to stay there, for the time being, Kara didn’t want to see that thing for a while again.

“Well, that’s it. We are ready to go now,” Lena announced.  
Kara stepped out of her mother’s arms.  
Alura turned her attention towards Lena with a kind smile.  
“Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Zor-El,” Lena respected Kara’s mother but had trouble figuring out where she stood, so she kept it formal.  
Alura stepped forward and opened up her arms towards Lena, “Thank you for taking good care of my daughter.”  
Lena experienced a motherly embrace from the elder Kryptonian which made her knees weak with the unfamiliar affection.  
“Take good care of my grandchild,” she winked at Lena as they parted.  
“I will,” Lena smiled widely.

Kara and Lena shared a last look with Alura before they went through the portal holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> Starting the next chapter this story will get a new title since 'Willena or Willena not?' doesn't cover the load anymore.  
> I have something in mind, but I'm open to suggestions.  
> Leave idea's in the comments.
> 
> And of course, I always love to read your reactions to the chapter.  
> I hope you enjoyed it.


	18. Daddy issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has found herself a place to live and start her family.
> 
> Kara and Lena decide it's time for William to know.  
> Lena collects all her courage to tell him, but with Kara guarding her she feels certain enough to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic will be renamed because the old name (Willena or Willena not?) did not fit the story anymore.
> 
> Comming next chapter the new name will be:  
> Breaking the Fairytale

She had signed many papers in her lifetime for L-Corp demanded a lot of them.  
Those kinds of scribbles were now Sam’s responsibility.  
No, this was one of those life-changing signatures.

“Here you go, Miss Luthor.”  
She read the file with care until she was certain every detail was as they had agreed upon.  
With this signature, a new phase in her life started.

“Very well, here are your keys and it was my pleasure doing business with you.”  
She shook hands with the real estate agent, who would probably earn a generous bonus for selling such a high-class penthouse to National City’s most influential businesswoman since Cat Grant.

It had been a month since her trip to Argo with Kara.  
They weren’t ready to move in with each other completely, mostly because Kara couldn’t say goodbye to her apartment yet and Lena thought it would be wise to take care of herself for a while.  
They did however pick out this penthouse together.  
Before the baby is born Kara would move in and this would be their family home.

Thrilled by the prospect of having her own place again, Lena got out of the car and thanked her driver for bringing her to this familiar building.  
“You’re welcome, Miss Luthor. I’m glad to see you smile again,” his compliment was genuine and sweet.

Her heartbeat accelerated as the elevator traveled up.  
With each floor, she became more nervous.  
Lena would best describe the feeling she had as seeing an old friend again.  
That friend you have missed terribly and you hope you will like each other just as much when you see each other back again.  
Maybe you have both changed too much, you can still respect each other but that friendship you had before is lost.  
She felt the same way when she took over CatCo and had hired Sam to be L-Corp’s CFO.  
When the elevator came to a stop her heart jumped.

Just before the doors closed on her, she stepped out.  
She wiped her sweaty palms caused by her excitement dry on her trousers.  
Standing in this hallway felt good.  
There was a safety to this place she needed now.  
So much was happening, she couldn’t put her energy into securing her home.  
Luckily, this penthouse would not need adjustments.

Slow and steady she closed in on the front door.  
She took a deep breath before turning the lock.  
With the opening of the door, a bright smile appeared on her face.  
This was her place!

When the penthouse went for sale, Kara had called Lena immediately, thinking she would be interested.  
This home had everything they needed.  
A room for the little bean, security to keep them safe, a balcony for Kara to land on, good placement between L-Corp and CatCo, enough room for the three of them, for now, this was perfect.  
Sure they would have to move to a place better suited for a small child in a couple of years, closer to a school and a place to play outside with other children…  
But for now…  
This was perfect!

The rooms were empty which gave Lena a good opportunity to visualize where the furniture would go.  
The smallest bedroom was the one she had promised not to fantasize about yet.  
Kara would come by as soon as she finished her article and they would imagine it together.  
She couldn’t help herself.  
She knew what all the other spaces in the house were going to look like, or she didn’t really care…  
But this small room was going to be ‘hers’.  
Lena caressed her belly, which was starting to turn into a serious baby bump.

The knocking on the window got her out of her blissful mindset.  
She hadn’t unlocked the balcony door yet.

Supergirl was holding a Big Belly Burger bag and was wearing a wide smile.  
“Could you find this place easily?” Lena asked as she let her lover in.  
Kara scoffed, “Oh please, I have been on patrol around this building so many times, I could never forget this place.”  
“So many times? Is there something wrong with this neighborhood?” Lena joked as she wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck.  
“Not particularly. But a woman was living in this building I was rather fond of. I had to make sure she was safe a little more often than I did with other people,” Kara admitted playfully.  
“Really? What happened to that woman?... choose your words carefully, you don’t want to make a pregnant woman jealous!” Lena raised a warning eyebrow.  
Kara shrugs, “She moved out… I think she is very much in love now.”  
Lena cocked her head, “Hmm… that is actually pretty sweet.”  
“Yep,” Kara chuckled gleefully.  
She kissed Lena’s lips before escaping from her embrace to get them both something to eat.

“I can’t believe you were able to buy your old penthouse back!” she said as she took a bite from her burger.  
“I know right!” Lena giggled.

They were sitting on the floor while eating their lunch.  
Kara had protested because the floor wasn’t comfortable enough for her pregnant lady.  
Lena had chuckled, “As long as I can get up on my own, I will be fine. And when I can’t get up… I will just push my alarm watch and you will pick me up, that’s one of the perks of having a super girlfriend.”  
“It’s for emergencies only!” Kara made clear.  
“Are you saying that me… sitting on the floor with my Big Belly… not being able to get up… Is not an emergency?” she theatrical staged being offended.  
With a deep sigh, Kara rolled her eyes to start laughing shortly after.

The atmosphere became more serious when Kara finished her meal.  
Something was bothering her, but Lena had no clue what that could be.  
She gave Kara a questioning look as if she wanted to make her eyes ask what was on her mind.  
Ever since Argo, their bond had grown so much stronger communication was less of an obstacle to them.  
Kara seemed to be able to read Lena’s eyes and asked her, “How many people at L-Corp know you are pregnant?”

In the last couple of weeks, Lena came to L-Corp more frequently.  
Most of the time she worked in the lab, but she also found satisfaction in brainstorming with Sam.  
She was enjoying the collaboration with Sam so much she wanted to continue working together after giving birth.  
Having a business partner was a shared weight on their shoulders.  
They carried L-Corp together.

Lena cocked her head, “Officially only Sam, but we are not secretive about it. Why?”  
“Do you think Eve knows?” Kara’s narrowed eyes betrayed worry.  
“She might suspect something… Why?” Lena became suspicious.  
“Well…” Kara fidgeted with her fingers, “I… I saw her together with William today,” she spat out.  
Lena stopped eating, “Together like what?” she hoped Kara was not saying what she thought she was saying.  
“I… I don’t know exactly, I saw them entering Noonan’s. They seem friendly with each other… I’m sorry.”  
“Fucking Eve!” 

Eve was a woman full of talents, but she was capable of the most unexpected actions.  
On Earth-38 she had betrayed Lena and sided with her brother, but on this Earth, she had fallen victim to Leviathan’s evil schemes.  
Lena gave her the benefit of the doubt because nothing had suggested this Eve to have a secret agenda.

“If she is spying on me for him or plotting against me…” an old wound threatened to burst open.  
Kara scooted closer and wrapped an arm around, “Don’t jump to conclusions just yet,” she calmed her down.  
“Do you want me to spy on them? Haunt them a bit?” she nudged Lena’s shoulder with hers.  
Kara had a talent for lightening the mood.  
“Please don’t haunt him again. I really feared for your mental state, you lost it,” she remembered.  
It was a confronting statement that made Kara’s head drop.  
Still, she smiled, “I know. Let’s not do that.”  
Lena sighed with relief.  
She didn’t expect Kara to fall in that hole again, but it was reassuring to hear her say it out loud.  
“But…” Kara wiggled nervously, “Whatever William and Eve are up to together… I think it’s time to tell him,” she suggested.

Kara was right.  
She didn’t want her to be right, but she was.  
To enjoy their family bliss, they had postponed telling him for as long as possible.  
The little bean was growing.  
Lena’s bump was swelling to the size that soon couldn’t be covered up.  
If she were to run into William, he would know.  
If Eve would tell him…  
Telling him herself was the adult thing to do no matter what his reaction would be.  
She knew for a while this day would come.

“Do you want to tell him together?” Kara took her hand and squeezed it tender.  
That sounded so safe, Lena was tempted to say yes.  
“I’m afraid this is something I have to do alone,” she frowned.  
She feared his reaction, even though she knew he was working hard to become a better man.  
With the little bean inside her, she couldn’t take a risk.  
If he would become violent…

Panic took hold of her throat and her eyes were burning.  
She swallowed thick, “Will you be close?” she begged Kara.  
Kara palmed her face, forcing her to look into those loving sapphire blue eyes.  
“I won’t let anything happen to you or the little bean, I promise!”  
She kissed her forehead.  
“You will have nothing to fear,” she added.  
Lena was embraced by love and safety.  
She knew it was true if Kara promised to keep her safe…  
She would.

\----------------------------------------------------

William had agreed upon meeting Lena at Nancy’s tea shop.  
She had proposed that place because it was crowded enough, yet the atmosphere was calm.  
If he were to raise his voice, people would surely take notice.  
It was also a place Lena didn’t come too often, it was simply not really her style.  
If she were to make bad memories here, it wouldn’t matter because she wouldn’t lose one of her favorite places to be a bad association.

Kara had strategically placed herself on the rooftop of the building across the street.  
From her position, she could hear and see everything that would happen during their meeting.

Lena was driving herself crazy.  
All night she had been over every possible way the conversation could turn.  
From a delighted man to an outraged Tiran.  
From weeping tears to indifference and silence.  
There was no best way this reveal could go, the outcome would influence her life negatively.

Luckily she was a Luthor who always thought a few steps ahead of others.  
That’s why she had been calling with her lawyer all morning about his rights and hers.  
She learned that if he were to play it hard and wanted a place in his daughter's life, the only way to keep him out was to be vulnerable and come clean about what happened between them.

The buzzing of her phone got her startled.  
“Fuck shit!” she cursed under her breath.  
She had been so deep in thought every unexpected noise or movement would make her jump.  
Her screen showed Kara was calling her, “Hey…” was all she managed to say.  
“Hey Starlight,” her voice was slow and calm, “I’m close by, you don’t have to worry.”  
Unable to speak, Lena swallowed in an attempt to clear the dryness in her throat.  
“I can hear your heartbeat racing. You can do this. There is nothing he can say or do to hurt you or the baby. You’ve got this under control… And if he loses control, I’ll have him down on his knees before he can point a finger at you. Don’t forget I can hear his heartbeat as well,” she assured Lena.

What a bliss it was to have a protective Kryptonian girlfriend.  
Hearing her voice was exactly what she needed to ease her anxiety.  
The confirmation she was not alone did wonder for her nerves.  
She didn’t even have to ask and Kara knew what she needed.  
Kara was soothing her with soft and kind words.

“Are you okay, darling?” she asked.  
Lena smiled weakly, “Yeah, thank you.”  
“I can tell... Your heartbeat calmed down,” she couldn’t see Kara, but Lena knew the sweet smile she had on her face at this moment.  
“I love you!” Lena had to say it.  
She felt it coming over her like a wave and she needed to say it.  
“I love you too!” Kara answered.

It was nice to have Kara on the phone as she was waiting.  
They didn’t even have to speak, just the knowledge Kara was there was enough.

“Are you ready?” Kara sounded sweet and reassuring.  
Lena figured he was approaching, “As ready as I will ever be.”  
“You can do this, I have faith in you! Good luck!” Kara broke the connection.

There was no time to process the loss of Kara’s voice for William was already standing next to her.  
“Hello, Lena!” He greeted her politely.  
Awkwardly he kept standing next to the table as if he was waiting for Lena to stand up and shake his hand or give him a hug or something.  
She would do neither of those things.  
Her rising might show her little baby bump before she was able to inform him.  
“Hey,” she altered her gaze between his eyes and the chair in front of her to get him to sit down.  
In Lena’s perception of time, it took an eternity for him to get the hint.  
“May I sit down?” he asked politely.  
“Yes, please!” all these false formalities disgusted Lena, she needed to get to the point as quick as possible and get this over with.

“How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while... You look happy.” He was interested and kind.  
There was a softness in him she recognized from their early days together.  
“I heard you bought your old penthouse back?” He tried to open conversation as she stayed quiet.  
She would have preferred for him to not know, but that hope would have been idle.  
As a Luthor, she was a well-known figure in National City.  
It was a journalist's job to be aware of Lena Luthor’s whereabouts, so of course, he knew.

“Yes, I did,” she confirmed, denial was no use.  
“How are you doing?” Kelly had advised her to show interest in him to ease him into the conversation.  
It was supposed to make communication easier, but it only made Lena more impatient.  
“I’m doing good actually. Work is going fine and I…” with a sigh he dropped his smile and turned his gaze down.

“Look… I’m sorry about how things ended between us. We might not have been the best match for each other but… I never should have lost my temper. I wanted to keep you, but the truth is… If you would have stayed… That would have been disastrous for both of us in so many ways… We were never meant to be and I see that now.”  
Lena was caught off guard by his heartfelt plea.  
The most unexpected of all was that she believed he was genuine with her.  
“Even though it was never my intention to hurt you… I realize I did and I never should have lost myself like that,” his voice trembled.  
He was either a really good actor or was truly in remorse, Lena thought.  
His eyes locked with Lena and she could see a glistering of tears in them, “I respect that you need time and I will continue to work on myself… But I hope you are able to forgive me one day and we can at least be friendly with each other,” one corner of his mouth curled up hopefully.

Lena had imagined so many possibilities, but nothing could have prepared her for this version of events. 

With her mouth agape, she stared at him.  
His words had touched her and for the first time since that fateful night, he didn’t feel like a threat.  
He stammered a bit but didn’t continue talking which gave Lena time to process what he had just told her.

The waiter interrupted the silence that was starting to become awkward by asking if they would like to order.  
William still had the same coffee order as he did before, “And Lena, do you still drink your coffee black?”  
“Yes… I mean, no!” she corrected herself, “I would like a cinnamon tea please.”  
Although William seemed genuine and Lena didn’t feel threatened by him at all, she was still skeptical.

“You know I bought the penthouse… What else do you know?” she tested him.  
He wasn’t taken aback.  
He simply shifted in his chair to get himself comfortable.  
His body language showed the passionate journalist who used to tell her about the discoveries he made during his investigation for an article like he still did a half year ago.  
“It appears Miss Luthor hired Samantha Arias as CFO to run L-Corp during her absence. A stroke of genius for the company has closed some major deals with big clients… After two months of absence, Miss Luthor returned. Rumor has it she was there to take back her place at the top and dismiss Miss Arias. Up until today, she has made no such attempt…” he amused Lena with his over-enthusiastic news-anchor way of talking.  
Slowly her skeptical walls were crumbling as she was listening to his silliness.  
“Miss Luthor is spending more time in the labs, managing the research and development department of L-Corp. It appears she has found her spark again.”  
Lena chuckled.  
William spoke of things that were common knowledge, it had practically been in the L-Corp newsletter.  
He simply made the information sound more spectacular.  
“Not only is Miss Luthor active in the lab, but she also teams up with Miss Arias making it seem like L-Corp is run by two powerful women nowadays. Together they are a force of nature.”  
“Oh stop!” She laughed, “You flatter me too much.”  
Accompanied by a goofy smile he shrugs, “Am I wrong though?”

This was the silly man who could make her laugh when she was feeling down.  
He was still as charming as ever.  
“No… You are not wrong,” she shook her head.  
She stroked a strain of hair behind her ear.

“I was told you were seen with Eve,” since he was so well informed about her, she figured it was only fair to throw this open.  
He sat back in his chair with a faint smile as their order got delivered.  
“Eve,” he slowly shook his head while a slight blush appeared on his cheeks, “I like her… But I’m not ready for a new relationship. I have to be sure I will not make the same mistake again. She deserves better than what I have given you… You also deserved better...” there was a sadness hidden in his frown as he paused shortly, “But now you have Kara and I am sure she is good to you!” He changed the subject upbeat.  
“She does,” Lena smiled modestly.

Something in the way he spoke made her feel sorry for him.  
She believed him.  
“You seem to be working on yourself,” she noted.  
“I am trying,” he nodded.  
“It shows… I feel safer with you than I did for a long time,” she admitted.  
He scoffed and turned his eyes away in shame, “I can’t blame you.”

Lena had lost her skepticism, even if she tried, she had trouble doubting his honesty.  
Maybe she was getting weak from hormones but his regret made her emotional.  
“I believe you can do it,” she encouraged him truthfully.  
He weakly smiled at her, showing those glimmering green eyes, “Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

Lena nodded politely.  
She took a sip of her tea to prepare her for revealing why she had invited him.  
“There is actually something I need to tell you…” she occupied her hands by holding her mug to prevent her from fidgeting.  
William looked up from his coffee with an intrigued expression on his face.

“I am…” she scraped her throat.  
She was sure Kara would hear her heartbeat accelerate now.  
This was one of those moments in life she wished she could fast forward until she was home with Kara, safe in her arms.  
Unfortunately, life wasn’t a book you could skip to the next chapter, nor a movie you could fast forward through unpleasant scenes.  
She would have to face this harsh reality.

“I am pregnant with your child!” She sounded a lot more confident than she actually was as she spoke those words.  
From beneath her lashes, she watched him drop his jaw.  
The heat from her mug stung the palms of her hands.  
She needed that pain to keep her mind sharp for whatever he was going to say.  
Neither of them moved nor spoke.  
Lena would prefer to get a reaction from him.  
A little voice in the back of her mind told her: “You have told him. Leave some money for the drinks and leave!” but she knew that was foolish and a very childish reaction to have.  
Whatever was going to happen, Kara was close by.

His face softened and his shoulders lost its tension.  
“I’m going to be a dad?” his voice trembled and the corners of his mouth curled up slightly.  
Lena pulled her lips into a thin line as she nodded slowly.  
He released a sharp breath, turning his face into a full smile.  
“I am… I mean… How far are you?” He could hardly retain his excitement.  
This comforted Lena as much as it frightened her.  
He might want the little bean all to himself, a paranoid voice in the back of her mind spoke up.  
She shook it off.  
Kara and she would prevent that from happening.  
He seemed truly glad about this news.  
“Eh… 13 weeks,” she stammered.  
“You are past the critical weeks,” he concluded.  
Lena nodded.  
She wouldn’t mind if Kara came in with some lame excuse to sit next to her or swoop her away.  
“And everything is alright? I mean… is the baby healthy?”  
“She is healthy and growing perfectly fine.”  
“She… We are going to have a daughter?” he chuckled with happiness.  
Lena didn’t like the word ‘we’ coming out of his mouth.  
“Do… Do you have an ultrasound image?”  
She shook her head.  
“Can I come along the next time you go for a check-up? I would like to see our daughter.”

There it was…  
Our daughter!  
Only Kara was allowed to speak about ‘our’ daughter.  
She had to be clear about her expectations in this matter.

Straightening her back, she hardened her voice,  
“I’m sorry William, I don’t want to mislead you. I am going to raise her, together with Kara. We agreed it’s important for her to have a father figure in her life. That could be you if you can convince us you have changed because we won’t allow you to hurt our little girl! You got that?!” a lioness protecting her cub came out to threaten William.

His smile turned upside down.  
The pause before he answered was spiking Lena’s adrenaline which made it hard for her to keep her patience.

He nodded before she could lash out.  
“I get that. I’m sorry for overstepping,” his shoulders slumped.  
Lena didn’t expect him to give in this easily.  
“Would you give me a chance to prove myself? Maybe at first, I could just see her with you… or Kara present?” He spoke softly.  
Lena observed his face, concluding he seemed to be filled with sorrow at this moment.  
He was desperately begging for a chance.

With the words, “We can talk about that...” she gave in.

He sighed in relief and smiled gratefully at her.  
“Thank you. I won’t make you regret it,” he promised her.

Lena promised herself to finish her tea and head out.  
William excuses himself for a visit to the men’s room.  
This gave Lena some air to finish her tea and pay, so she could leave as soon as he would get back.

His reaction had been nothing but positive and this entire conversation went so much better than Lena could have imagined…  
Still, him talking about ‘we’ and ‘our’ made her nervous even though he had already agreed upon the boundaries she shoved in his face.  
She let their talk sink in during his absence and had to conclude there was nothing to be nervous about, Kara and her were in total control and he was grateful for the slightest bit they would give him.  
…  
Maybe she could ask Alex to get her a picture of the baby for him.  
It might motivate him to become a better man, like the little bean had already motivated her and Kara to open up and Alex to stop drinking.

Maybe this little one had some superpowers after all.

William came back and Lena was ready to go.  
She stood up, not realizing this was the first time William saw her tiny baby bump.  
An endeared smile appeared on his face as his gaze was glued to her stomach.  
Lena was caught between humiliation and pride but she decided to give the latter power and let him stare until his eyes locked with hers.  
“You are so beautiful, Lena.”  
A flush heated her face, “Eh… Thank you.”  
“Can I…” he hesitated, Lena was afraid he wanted to touch her belly, that was only reserved for Kara and maybe Alex, Kelly, and Sam in a later stadium… But certainly not him as that was far too intimate to her.  
“Can I give you a hug?” He asked hopefully.  
He had been kind and patient.  
He was such an improvement from the man he was a couple of months ago.  
He spread his arms giving her the choice to receive or decline.

Lena walked into his embrace with a smile.  
He still hugged with warmth, but he was so gentle in his touch this time, it was different from what she was used to even in their best days together.  
She held on longer than was necessary.  
Her fists tangled in his shirt and she pressed herself tighter against him.  
His scent was familiar and reminded her of the feeling she got in their early days together.  
She shed a tear for the man he used to be before their relationship crumbled down.

“Am I interrupting?”  
William let Lena go and backed away from her, “Kara… Hey.”  
Lena turned around to see her tensed lover with a forced smile fixated on William.  
“Congratulations on becoming a mom,” he said to her and held out his hand, “You are going to do great!”  
Kara eyed his hand shortly before she pierced his eyes again with her gaze, “I’m sure I will!”  
Lena was warmed by the fact that William was actually the first to congratulate Kara without question, but Kara didn’t seem impressed by it at all.  
“I’m here to pick Lena up,” she explained herself with a sharp tone.  
William tucked his hand away behind his back, “Eh, yeah… of course… Thank you for lending her to me…”  
Laser Beams were not necessary to express Kara’s feelings towards William.  
He flinched, “I mean… Lena, thank you for telling me… I am going to prove myself, I promise.”  
Lena nodded at him.  
She was uncomfortable by the growing tension Kara was creating.  
“It has been nice seeing you,” she took Kara’s hand and dragged her out of Nancy’s tea shop.

\-----------------------------------

Lena was outraged.  
William had been kind and polite and reacted a thousand times better than she could have ever dared to dream… and Kara came in to make a scene.  
She would have expected Kara to be her rock.  
To be her safety.  
And now she felt humiliated in front of William.  
Kara had been like a pitbull guarding her bone.  
Lena was not just a bone, she was strong enough to defend herself.  
In case things went wrong, Kara would be there.  
Not in case she needed to assert her dominance.  
The way Kara acted she might as well had pissed all over her to claim her as her property.

With furious big steps, Lena strode ahead of Kara, unable to exchange words with her yet.  
Her clenched fists were all the relief she could get for now.

Kara’s apartment was the closest to Nancy’s.  
They had agreed upon going to Kara's after her meeting, so that was where she was heading.  
The drizzling weather formed drops of rain on her eyelashes she angrily blinked away.  
Her skin stung with the cold from the temperature just above the freezing point.

The traffic light annoyed the hell out of Lena, it meant Kara stood next to her.  
She didn’t want to see Kara now.  
Kara would get a piece of her mind all right, but not in public.

She could hear Kara’s footsteps marching behind her.  
Well aware that Kara could keep up with her easily, she liked to believe Kara kept a safe distance from her.

In the apartment building, she pressed the elevator button.  
When Kara stood next to her with a clenched jaw and flaring nostrils, Lena considered taking the stairs instead, but she had wasted too much energy on her angry walk already.  
She had to deal with Kara in a small space, not knowing if she could contain herself that long.

As soon as the doors locked them in that tiny cube Lena lashed out, “What the hell, Kara?!”  
Kara jerked her gaze at her, piercing into her soul, “What the hell, Kara?” she confusedly repeated, “Are you out of your mind?” she barked back, “He can not be trusted!”

Lena disagreed.  
Luckily they reached their floor so Lena could dash out.  
It took her a few frustrating attempts to get the key in the lock and turn it.

With force she swung the door behind her, forcing Kara to catch it.  
It was one of the benefits of a Super girlfriend, she didn’t have to be careful with her.

Lena decided that standing with her bottom leaning on the back of the couch was her power place.  
She crossed her arms and watched with narrowed eyes how Kara found her ground in the kitchen, apparently needing a glass of water before their argument, which was certainly coming, would escalate.  
Lena took a sharp breath through her nose.  
It was clear they were displeased with each other.

“What the hell was that scene all about?” Lena snarled at her between gritted teeth.  
Kara swallowed a gulp of water which allowed Lena to continue, “You came marching in there as girl-almighty, intimidating him. Was that really necessary?” She raised a judgemental eyebrow.

Kara’s expression was cold and distant, “He held on way too long!”  
She said it as if it was a clear reason to react this strongly.  
“We were hugging!” Lena couldn’t believe she had to explain this.  
“He is playing with you!”  
“He has changed!”  
Words flew like the ball in a professional tennis match over and back.  
“Don’t be such a naive fool!” Kara smacked her hand against the kitchen counter in frustration, making it crack beneath her power.  
“Excuse me?!” Lena slowed her rapid reaction as she felt offended.  
“You trust him way too quickly and he can’t be trusted, don’t be such a fool!” instead of calming down, Kara was raising her voice and was getting more frustrated by the minute.

Lena was positive William was genuine, but Kara had another opinion.  
Kara hadn’t seen his eyes as she did.  
She saw the remorse behind them.  
His pain and his hurt were all painted on his face.

“I have a good judge of character,” Lena defended herself.  
“Says the woman who trusted her brother!” The words left Kara’s mouth like venom.  
She gasped in shock, but it was already too late to take them back.  
Lena was already stung by her.

Lena steadied herself by planting her fingers like claws in the back of the couch.  
She could feel Kara’s sting deep in her core, “Out!” she responded firmly.  
“Lena, I overstepped… I-” Kara held her hands in front of her, trying to calm her down and do some damage control.  
“OUT!” Lena ordered as she pointed at the door.  
A raging fire was burning inside her.

Kara didn’t even argue she was being kicked out of her own house.  
She dropped her head and left.

Lena slumped down against the couch crying her fury out of her system.  
This wasn’t fair.  
William was improving, she was so certain of it.  
She wanted it to be true for her little one.

Kara dared to bring her brother into the argument after she had told her about her childhood with him and how she had been played all her life.  
Lex was different.  
He couldn’t be compared to William.  
Lex had always been insane.  
She was raised to trust a lunatic.  
...  
Maybe she wasn’t such a good judge of character after all.  
Maybe Lex had screwed that up for her.  
Maybe her sense of judgment was broken.  
Maybe Kara was right about that.

Lena pressed her palms in her eyes.  
She didn’t want to fight with Kara.  
She needed her now, more than ever.

Like a whirlwind Kara came rushing back in, “You know what? No! No, I won’t leave! We need to talk this through and one of us leaving will only set us back to shutting the other out and I’m done with that!”  
“Fuck you!” Lena growled.  
She knew Kara was right and that was exactly why she said it.  
She hated how her heart jumped at Kara’s return.

Lena refused to face Kara.  
She wanted Kara to persuade her into talking to her again.  
Lena didn’t plan on giving in.  
Kara had hurt her.

Kara sat down on the floor a few feet away from her.  
The energy around her was different from the snake that had just stung Lena.  
“I shouldn't have mentioned your brother, I’m sorry. For a long time, I thought you only followed him because he was your brother. I didn’t get how he indoctrinated you… How he used and hurt you… And I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. There is so much I don’t know about you. I shouldn’t have used that against you,” Kara bowed her head as Lena could see from beneath her eyelashes.  
Her tone was so much softer than it was before.  
“You’re right. You don’t get it!” She snarled, still frustrated by the assumption.  
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to get it…” she scooted a little closer to the couch where Lena sat.

A need for Kara’s arms around her conflicted with her stubborn will to win this argument.  
Her heart beats faster with every inch Kara crossed to approach her.  
Tears filled her eyes, “Why did you make such a scene at Nancy’s? I was truly having a good feeling about this and you came in and embarrassed me like I couldn’t look after myself. Two more minutes and I would have walked out of there with my head up high and all this drama wouldn’t have been necessary!”  
Kara swallowed before answering, “I… I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I think I got a bit overprotective there.”  
“You think? Are you sure it wasn’t because I hugged him?” The jealousy that had radiated from Kara, made Lena cringe at the memory.

Kara was silent for a couple of long seconds until she admitted, “Okay, I didn’t like him hugging you…” she mumbled in shame.  
Lena sighed, “You know… jealousy is what made William lose his temper in the first place.”  
“I know,” Kara acknowledged.  
“I am not your possession, Kara!” She made clear.  
“I know!” self-aware, Kara buried her head between her knees.

Lena got the feeling she understood the problem.  
Rambling on about it would only keep the negativity flowing she desperately wanted to get away from.  
She shuffled herself forward, closing the gap between them.  
“Well… Only when I choose to be!” she smirked as she wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck.  
Kara pulled her blushing face from between her legs to look Lena in the eyes, “I’m sorry about that.”  
Lena kissed her cheek, “You are not off the hook yet! I don’t believe it’s only the hug,” she noted.  
“I don’t trust him, Lee,” Kara cocked her head and bit her lower lip.  
She needed more than a simple distrust, Lena deserved an explanation.  
With knitted brows, she waited for Kara to elaborate.  
“I… I heard him on the phone when he was in the men's room. He called someone… Lena, he already knew.” 

This came as a shock to her because he didn’t give her the impression he knew.  
He was so glad, that emotion couldn’t have been faked.  
Had she underestimated him?  
“What did you hear exactly?” Maybe Kara misunderstood, she thought.  
Lena was so convinced about his good intentions, she couldn’t imagine him manipulating her.  
He is not the type to do so.  
Not like this.  
This would have been Lex-level.

Kara squinted her eyes, “I think he was talking to a man…”  
Lena’s mind went over a list with men William held contact with, but no particular name stood out.  
“He told him that you were indeed pregnant… As if he suspected it.”  
There could be so many reasons why he had his suspicion… With Eve being one of them!  
“The man congratulated him and asked if William did what they had talked about… William confirmed... I’m sorry, Starlight. It seems like he planned his apology to win you over.”

Lena refused to believe she was being manipulated, “He was genuine, Kara. I looked into his eyes! He was truly sorry.”  
Kara nodded understanding, “I know you want to believe that,” she cupped Lena’s face, stroking her cheek with her thumb, “I did too until I heard the phone call…”  
“There can be other explanations… He could have still been genuine with me,” Lena wished Kara could agree with her, but she had to admit she was also in doubt.  
Kara wrapped her arms around Lena and pulled her closer, “Yeah… maybe…”  
She didn’t sound convincing, but against better judgment, Lena took it anyway.  
With the release of a deep breath, she let herself sink into her strong girlfriend.  
The kiss on her head did help her to smile again, even if it was only weakly.

\------------------------------------------------

After a night full of staring at the ceiling while thinking, she woke up with Kara snuggling against her.  
Normally the feeling of the blonde curled around her made her wake up with a smile.  
This time she sighed sadly.  
Not because of Kara, but because of all the conflicting feelings, yesterday had presented her with.  
“You didn’t sleep much last night, did you?” Kara mumbled with her raspy morning voice.  
Lena shook her head, “I can’t get rid of the feeling that he meant well…”  
Kara’s caressing of Lena’s rib cage caused her goosebumps, “Hmm…” Kara moaned as she nuzzled her face into the nape of Lena’s neck.  
Kara was more asleep than awake, while Lena’s mind went on processing in overdrive like it had done every waking moment since her meeting with William.  
“I have been thinking…”  
“I know you did, baby. When you closed your eyes, you talked in your sleep,” Kara mumbled as she hooked her leg around Lena’s.  
Lena loved it when Kara wrapped herself around her like this when she was barely awake, but this time her mind was too occupied.  
“Let’s assume that he did know... He still could have been genuine with me,” Lena concluded.  
The hand flattened on her belly and Kara kissed her shoulder, “No more talking about him…” her voice sounded like she was slowly waking up.  
“One doesn’t rule out the other,” Lena continued wording her thoughts like they had been circling in her mind all night.  
Kara’s hand glided up her torso, brushing the skin between her breasts until fingers found their way to the back of her neck, “He doesn’t deserve this much of your attention,” Kara groaned.  
Lena’s body reacted, but her mind was still able to ignore Kara and continue her waterfall of thoughts, “Now let’s assume he wasn’t genuine with me and he played me…”  
“Let me play you like a fiddle,” Kara whispered in her ear.  
Lena’s body reacted immediately by squirming against her lover.  
Even if she wanted to give in to her primal urges, her mind was too occupied to let go.  
“We are going to raise our daughter! We have a lawyer on our side for the juridical aspect of it all… And we are not letting him alone with her!”  
Kara stopped tempting her and suddenly seemed more alert, as if it finally hit her what Lena was trying to tell her, “It doesn’t matter!” Kara concluded.  
Lena frowned her brows, “Haven’t you been listening?”  
“Yes,” Kara leaned in and softly kissed Lena’s lips, “And you are right. It doesn’t matter if he was genuine or not. It doesn’t matter if he knew or not… She is our baby-girl and we will have to protect her.”  
Lena received a passionate kiss from the woman who skillfully rolled herself on top of her, making sure not to apply too much pressure on her but enough to make her give in to the sensation.  
Kara pulled back, “And it is up to him to convince both of us into trusting him. We hold all the cards, Lee. Not him. We do!” she smiled at Lena with that spark of love in her eyes that made Lena’s heart jump.  
Lena’s hands found their way to Kara’s bottom, which was her favorite part of Kara’s body.  
“Now… Are you ready to get that silly man of your mind and give me all of your devoted attention?” Kara smiled mischievously.  
“Do you think you can make me forget about him?” Lena joked with her seductive low voice.  
“That depends…” Kara lowered her face, “Am I allowed to treat you as my possession?” she nipped at Lena’s earlobe.  
Lena could feel how her body melted into Kara’s will, “Possess me,” she said barely above a whisper, “Make me forget!”

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lena woke up to the sound of women chatting somewhere in the afternoon.  
Her morning activities allowed her to slumber into a well-needed sleep.  
The sound of conversation was slowly turning into words and full sentences she registered as she became more conscious.

“...that’s why it would be great if you and Lena could help us both out.”  
“Yes, it would mean a lot to us.”  
“Well, I’d be honored and I think Lena would be as well,” this latter was definitely Kara.

Lena quickly put on some panties and a large t-shirt to get into the conversation she was mentioned in.  
“I would be honored to do what?” she asked as she came through the curtain that separates the bedroom from the living.  
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty just rolled out of her cave,” Alex greeted her with a joke.  
Lena sat down next to Kara, “Well, in that case… I missed my true love's kiss!” she pouted her lips at Kara who kissed her with a giggle.  
“Your hair tells me you’ve had more than just a true love’s kiss this morning, Luthor!” Alex teased her.  
“Be careful Danvers, I might spill some details!” Lena threatened.  
Alex threw her hands up in defense, making Kelly and Kara laugh.

“Alex and I set the date. We are getting married on the fourth of April,” Kelly started explaining, “Alex and I want to keep our outfits a secret to each other… But it would be nice if we look… good together,” the affectionate look Kelly gave Alex made Lena’s heart melt.  
“That’s why we hoped you and Kara would like to go outfit shopping with me and Kelly. It would be up to the two of you to make sure we fit together,” Alex finished the request.  
Lena laced her fingers with Kara’s, “Well… I would be honored! Now if you will excuse me… I need to take a shower.”  
“Gross,” Alex grumbled, making Kelly chuckle.

\------------------------------------------------------ 

She squeezed her lover’s hand as the cold made her abs contract.  
“Come on, Luthor. You know the drill. Don’t be such a child!” Alex smirked.  
“That doesn’t make it less cold!” Lena mumbled.  
Kara chuckled and kissed her forehead, “You're doing great, my love.”  
Even with Lena on the examination chair, Kara was sitting as close as possible with her free arm resting on the back of the headrest.

Alex had offered to perform a health check on Lena and the little bean after all the stress they went through with her worrying.  
Lena’s blood pressure was a bit high, but not alarming, “You just need to get out of your head and calm down. You need to relax… Treat yourself to a wellness day with a friend or something,” Alex suggested lightly.  
“Geez, Alex. If you wanted to go to the sauna with me, you could have just asked,” Lena snickered.  
“Or you could just take a hike!” Alex joked sharply.  
“Maybe we could go to the sauna on a double date!” Kara cheerfully cut in.  
“Definitely not!” Alex assured them.

“She seems perfectly healthy. Strong heartbeat. Her growth is on schedule…”  
Lena was reliving her student days as she was nervous about the results she had no reason to fear because they were always good.  
“And here we have a clear view of your child,” Alex pointed out.  
The image was so much clearer than the last time they had an ultrasound when it was still a little bean and not much more.  
This was a little human in all her glory.  
Breathless Lena stared at the screen.  
“I can see her tiny nose,” Kara gasped just as awestruck as Lena was.

Alex had given them a moment to admire their little girl before she softly intervened, “Shall I print you a picture? It will last longer.”  
The couple didn’t have to discuss the answer.  
Kara frantically nodded where Lena was still capable of using her words, “Yes, please.”  
Her attention got drawn by the wonder at the screen again as Kara nuzzled against her.  
Lena enjoyed this precious moment she shared with Kara and wondered for a split second if her own parents ever shared this bliss together.  
This saddened her because the answer was probably not.  
Her mom was all alone…  
But Lionell had truly loved her, so maybe…  
This train of thought brought her to the next fatherly station.

“Can you print one more?” she asked Alex.  
Both Alex and Kara held a puzzled expression on their face.  
“F-for William,” Lena altered her gaze between the two sisters, ending up with Kara who frowned her brows, “He is the father after all…” she added.  
Kara dropped her gaze with a sigh, “We still don’t know if he can be trusted.”  
Lena shook her head in agreement, “Maybe not, but even if he wasn’t genuine with me… He will still be a part of her life whether we like it or not. A positive approach might motivate him to become the best version of himself.”  
The doubtful look of her girlfriend met her eyes.  
Lena hoped she would support her in this.  
Help came from an unexpected corner, “Well, look who is the most hopeful and compassionate of you two now?! The Luthor beats the Super to it,” Alex winked at Lena with pride for her.

Kara turned her head away and bit the inside of her cheek.  
“You’re right,” she eventually said, “It doesn’t matter if he means well or not. This way, we will show goodwill.”  
Lena would have given it to him whether she agreed or not, but it was a relief this wouldn’t cause a conflict between them.  
Alex didn’t wait for Kara’s response, she had already printed the second picture.

\-----------------------------------------

Lena had asked William to meet her again in Nancy’s tearoom.  
After Kara’s latest scene she was grateful he did not hesitate to agree.

This time Kara was nowhere near.  
Lena trusted William to not hurt her and she wanted Kara to trust her judgment.  
She had to promise to press her watch when she felt even the slightest bit unsafe.  
Lena could give her that, but she needed Kara to back away from this for both of them.  
The haunting of William was still fresh on her mind and this obsession over keeping Lena safe by shadowing William was a temptation Kara had to stay far away from, even if they had to fight over it.  
Kara had sulked on her couch until Nia knocked on the door to kill the time with her.  
They both knew Nia was functioning as a friend and babysitter at the same time, but Kara decided to focus on the friendly reason for her visit.

The heavy door resisted a bit at her push to get inside where it was warm, a big contrast with the air outside where the first snowflakes of the season fell.

William waved at her from a booth near the window.  
His bright smile could not conceal his nerves which Lena recognized by his rapid movements.  
As Lena approached the seat, William’s insecurity leaped to the surface as he said, “Ow shoot… I should have gotten us a normal table so you could sit on a chair and did have to scoot on a bench and you would have-”  
“I’m not disabled!” Lena cut his rambling off with a chuckle, “Don’t worry so much, I can see you’re trying.”  
Kara would probably argue with her on this, but Lena expects to be right about his honest intentions. 

William nodded with a quirked smile.  
“Can I get you something to drink? Do you want a cupcake with that? Or a piece of pie? I heard the Lemon pie is very good.”  
She loosely held her hand in front of her mouth to hide her smile.  
This certainly was William trying hard, like he was at their first date, and Lena was happy to see that side of him again.  
The sound of her laughter brought a stop to his rambling.  
“I would like cinnamon tea and the lemon pie, please.”  
His face softened at her kind and calm response.  
Lena always had the power to slow him down with her confidence, apparently, some things don’t change.

Lena had considered apologizing for Kara’s behavior the last time, but that would mean she would openly disapprove of her lover's behavior to make her ex-husband feel better.  
She chose not to choose him over Kara in any way.  
Kara was aggressively protective, but at least she was protecting her.  
The problem she had with the way she did that was something between her and Kara and nobody else.

“Thank you for meeting me here,” she started.  
William’s expression changed to worry, “Is the baby okay?”  
Lena smiled reassuring, “The baby is perfectly healthy! In fact… That’s why I’m here.”  
She opened up her bag in search of her paper notebook she had put the picture in.  
William waited in anticipation of what would come next, Lena caught him trying to peek in her bag to see what she was doing.  
“I wanted you to have this,” she handed him the piece of paper.

Unknowing what he was receiving he turned his gift around which revealed the image of his child to him.  
Unable to tear his eyes away his mouth stood agape, unable to speak.

The sight of this strong and once feared man holding a picture with a trembling hand and watery eyes, made Lena’s heart melt.  
He was so soft and tender like this.

“This…” his voice shivered slightly, “This is her!” he concluded.  
For the first time since he laid eyes upon the ultrasound image, he was able to tear his eyes away.  
He locked his eyes with Lena’s.  
His eyes glistened with happiness.  
Lena was certain this was a truly grateful man.  
Her decision to give him the image had been a good one.  
She had been good.

“This… OH! Look at her tiny nose!” he beamed like a child suddenly realizing which Christmas package was his.  
Lena was caught off guard because William had picked her tiny nose to point out first… just as Kara had done. 

Lena liked the time they spent together.  
Talking to him was easy.  
He was interested in the pregnancy.  
He wanted to know everything she could tell him about the baby.  
And he wanted to know how she was handling the pregnancy.  
Old habits of good times together made her lower her walls and tempted her to open up.  
She needed to remind herself a couple of times, this was the man who had hurt her. 

Each time Lena shut down half a sentence he smiled at her as if he understood.  
He didn’t ask again.  
He gave her the option to not talk which Lena appreciated very much.

With Lena’s visit to the ladies room, she caught a glimpse of the time.  
She had been with him for almost two hours, which was far longer than she had expected to.  
The way time had flown by amused her as much as it frightened her.  
Apparently, she was able to get in a comfortable atmosphere with him as if nothing had happened between them.  
Lena promised herself to be warier next time.

Back at the table she thanked him and took her wallet out.  
“Lena, please.” He placed his hand on Lena’s to stop her.  
A shiver went through her spine but she couldn’t determine if it was unpleasant or not.  
“This one is on me,” his charming smile appeared which made Lena’s face heat up.

“I… I have to go now,” she stepped back to prevent him from helping her put her coat on.  
“Shall I walk you home?” He offered.  
She shook her head as an immediate response, “No thank you, I need to walk alone for a bit!”  
He nodded gratefully at her, “Please be careful!”  
She gave him a nod back, “Bye!” and took off without looking back.

Her boot made an imprint in the thin layer of fresh snow.  
With her first step outside, she changed her mind.  
Going home to Kara would be an awful idea in the state she was in now.

Lena took her phone out.  
Her hands trembled as she called the only person who could help her now.  
“Sam? Are you at home?... Can I come over? ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> Comments are always appreciated ❤️
> 
> _Wynonna Earp  
>  Season 4  
> Episode 5  
> 42:50 minutes_


	19. Two brides and a Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena was shocked by how free she was around William and turned to Sam for advice.  
> Their meeting turned into a well-needed girls' night between the two before Lena returns to Kara.
> 
> It's time for Kelly and Alex to go dress shopping.  
> Both of them get a stylist assigned to them.  
> One is happy with her's.  
> One... not so much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a short filler Chapter...
> 
> It became my longest Chapter yet.  
> I hope you will enjoy it.

Sam was in the kitchen preparing some comfort food, while she gave Lena the chance to get comfortable on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket.

Scrolling through her phone, Lena noticed eleven messages from Kara going from subtle, low-key worries too: _“Lee, I’m fighting the urge to fly over there and kick him in his baby-maker. I need to know if you are okay. If I haven’t heard from you within the next ten minutes, Nia won’t be able to stop me from flying over there.”_  
To her horror, she saw Kara had texted her about 13 minutes ago.  
She started typing immediately, but Kara beat her to it…  
Her phone rang and Kara’s smiling face stared at her from the screen.

“Aren’t you gonna take that?” Sam said from the kitchen.  
Lena was still so confused from her meeting with William, she didn’t know what to say.  
She knew she had to pick up… And then what?  
What if she asked questions?  
What if Lena said something wrong?  
She didn’t even know what she was thinking now.

Sam snatched the phone out of her hand and answered, “Hey, Kara. This is Sam… She just went to the bathroom, can I take a message?” she chuckled, “No, she is fine. We just need to brainstorm over some problem… I will woop her ass for that, no problem!... Yeah, I’ll see you soon… I will… You’re welcome. Bye!”  
Without words, she put the phone back in Lena’s hands and returned to the kitchen.

Lena was unable to express her gratitude towards Sam.  
Sam’s interference bought her time to get herself together.  
“You realize I just lied to your girlfriend, don’t you?!” Sam put some chips on the table, “You owe me an explanation!” she deadpanned.

Lying was something Sam preferred to stay away from, but for a friend like Lena, she made an exception.  
“Thank you. I wouldn’t have known what to say to her…”  
“How about... Hey Kara! I’m with Sam, I’ll be home a little later…” Sam’s mocking irritated her.  
She was about to snap at her friend when Sam tilted her head to the side and rested her hand on Lena’s knee, “Even a stranger can tell something is bothering you… What happened? Did you two fight?”

Lena shook her head, “No, it’s not that. Kara is amazing! I’m the problem… I think… I don’t know… Maybe I’m fucking up...” 

Sam listened to every mind twist Lena rolled off her tongue as she tried to let her in on the remarkable encounter with William.  
Sam was the only one she could open up to about her confusion, she was someone who had always believed in her and had never judged her.  
Talking about the effect William had on her with Kara, Alex or even Kelly was simply not possible.

“... I lost track of time, Sam. I had been with him for two hours… It was just so easy talking to him and he was so kind and funny and sweet and handsome and… He and I broke up over obvious reasons, and I love Kara so much… But still… He made my heart beat faster and I don’t want him to have that effect on me!”  
Finally done talking, Lena slumped backward in her seat with a desperate sigh.

“And now you are afraid you are developing feelings for him?” Sam wanted to get clear.  
Her question was so on point it sent a shiver through Lena’s spine.  
Every word spoken made the fear more real, to prevent that from happening Lena only nodded.  
She was ashamed of these feelings rushing through her.

To her surprise, Sam chuckled, “O, sweet Lena. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do you still love Kara?”  
“More than anything!” Lena answered without missing a beat.  
“Well, that sounded doubtless.”  
Lena frowned her brows, “What is that supposed to mean?”  
“It means William gets nowhere near what you feel for Kara and that is a given fact to you! Keep that in mind.”

Sam had a gift for simplifying things.  
Her feelings sounded so clear when she put it like that, but it wasn’t that simple at all.  
“But I shouldn’t feel anything for William at all. There should be only Kara. It is only Kara for me!”  
Lena felt a panic taking hold of her, who was she trying to convince?  
“Okay first, breathe!” Sam ordered to keep her grounded, “Now… We have so many people in our lives. We feel something for every one of them. Like I love you, but not in a romantic way… You are like a sister to me. You are my partner in work. You are a mentor to me. And you are my friend… Do you get what I’m trying to say?”  
Lena’s head was such a mess, on a good day she might have gotten it, but today she had to shake her head.

“Okay…” Sam pulled her lips into a thin line and shifted in her seat.  
“First of all… You are full of pregnancy hormones. If Ruby’s biological father would have shown up during that time reacting as happy and lovely as William did, I would have probably considered giving him a chance even though he was an asshole and it would have never worked out… Back then I would have wanted him in Ruby’s life,” Sam rarely spoke of Ruby’s father.  
She had told Lena once he was only a summer fling a lot older than Sam was back then.  
She contacted him when she had been kicked out of the house by her mother, but he never responded and she put him as far back in her mind as possible.  
Sam had acted indifferent, but the haste in which she changed subjects and her grumpy mood afterward gave Lena the impression Sam held on to bitterness against him.

“William is your ex. No matter how bad it ended, you have shared good times. You were together for what? 2 years?... There was a time when he was your number one. The person you shared everything with… It’s not strange to fall back into those old habits. He feels safe to you,” she explained.  
Lena was triggered, “There is nothing safe about him!” she blurted out so strongly, Sam flinched.

Lena crossed her arms in front of her torso as if she needed to soothe her ribs from the pain again.  
From the carelessness earlier with William, she was now pulled back to that evening at their honeymoon.  
She was pulled back to him painfully squeezing her arm.  
She was pulled back to him tossing her around.  
She was pulled back to the moment she saw her own bruised reflection in the mirror when she realized he and Mrs. Dey had lied to her.  
She was pulled back to the flexing of his muscles, ready to strike a moment before Mr. Dey interrupted them.  
She was pulled back to that day she woke up with him suddenly next to her.  
She was pulled back to his shouting.  
She was pulled back to him covering her mouth with his big strong hand.  
She was pulled back to him holding her wrists and leaving her defenseless.

“Lena… Lena, look at me…” Sam snapped her fingers in front of her, but she had trouble focussing on them.  
Still, the movement and snapping in front of her eyes got her back to her presence.  
“Good, you’re back,” Sam sighed relieved.

The memories of those terrible times were still so vivid in her mind, how could she have forgotten all about them when she was alone with him in that tea room?  
Realizing how much fun she had with him today was terrifying in contrast with the pain and fear those old scars had caused.

Her breath was uneven and her body was shaking.  
Somewhere when she was lost inside her head she had started sobbing.  
Sam took her in her arms and asked her questions she could not answer yet.  
She realized she had never informed Sam about what had happened between her and William because she didn’t want to relive it again.  
Apparently, there was no escaping her past.

It took a moment for Sam to stop asking questions about what had happened, why he wasn’t safe, and what had upset her so much.  
When she went silent, Lena was able to sink into her comforting arms and calm down.

Lena took a deep breath and started explaining, “We didn’t just divorce because he was insecure and I liked Kara better… More had happened…”  
She scooted back in the corner of the couch, getting ready to tell Sam the whole story.  
“It started on our honeymoon… Mama Dey brought up Kara and how close we were. She jokingly suggested we could start a polyamorous relationship because William used to like Kara as well; He snapped, shouting I was straight…” 

Lena told her the entire story, including how Kara got her out of a panic attack in the woods and built her a bonfire.  
Her insides still became like liquid when she thought back of their first time by the bonfire.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I had no idea,” Sam apologized.  
Lena gave her a weak smile, “You couldn’t have known, but that is why I can’t be friendly with him. My heart leaps and my guts are telling me he is genuine, I want to believe he has changed, And I want him to be a good man for my little girl, but I can’t trust him, can I?”  
How she wished Sam could just give her all the answers and clear her mind.  
If only she could take all her worries away.  
“He comforts me and he scares me… He angers me and I pity him… He makes me laugh and he makes me shiver… I’m so lost, Sam,” she added with a sigh.

“If he confuses you this much… Which is totally understandable, don’t get me wrong!” Sam made herself clear, “Maybe you should trust Kara’s instincts until you’re certain enough to trust your own… Just…” she took a deep breath and looked around the room as if she was literally searching for an answer, “A lot is happening to you right now. This is not a now or never situation… Give yourself time! You don’t have to trust him… If you keep him up to date about the little bean, you are already doing more than enough… This is your child and you decide if he gets a part in her life. As long as you are not sure of yourself… of him… it’s a no. When in doubt, follow Kara! She loves you. She loves the little bean. She only has your best interests on her mind… That’s my advice.”

Lena needed a minute to let that sink in.  
Kara was pretty hostile towards William, but Lena was vulnerable for the complete opposite.  
She was so used to getting answers and fixing problems as quickly as possible.  
But with her mental state healing and William working on himself…  
This was progress that couldn’t be fixed in a day.  
They needed time.  
And Kara could hold her back from making rushed decisions because she was wary of him.  
No matter if William was genuine or not, Lena would not fall for his charms this easily again.  
It was simply too soon to know for sure if he was tricking her or not.  
Time was her best friend now.  
With that, Lena concluded Sam’s advice was pretty good.

A chuckle escaped her throat, “I’m glad I came to you. You can turn things that are so complicated in my mind into something simple… Thank you!”  
Sam laughed, “I narrow things down to what is really important, that is one of the reasons why you hired me.”  
“I’ll drink to that!” Lena lifted her wine glass with water to Sam’s red wine.

Sam had asked her to stay for dinner and she had accepted.  
Lena knew she had to call Kara, thanks to her talk with Sam she had ordered her mind enough to speak to her calmly.  
Kara was relieved to hear her voice, “He didn’t hurt you or threaten you?”  
Her care made Lena blush, “No, he was actually very kind.”  
“Oh… That’s good I guess… Not too kind I hope…” Kara sounded hesitant.  
Thinking back of her talk with Sam made her chuckle now, “No, we didn’t even hug.”  
The calmness that was flowing through Lena now was a sign some hormones might have been influencing her confusion from before.  
Lena declined Kara’s offer to pick her up so she didn’t have to call her driver, but Lena didn't look forward to flying through the falling snow and coming home chilled to the bone.  
“I’ll call my driver, don’t worry.”

“No, but seriously… Were you really afraid you could cheat on Kara with him?” After dinner, Sam had gotten into her gossip girl mode, which made the atmosphere turn into a girls’ night instead of the emergency meeting they had before.  
“O, heck no!” Lena’s answer came from deep.  
“He is an attractive man!” Sam pointed out.  
“Kara is a beautiful woman!”  
“Okay, I can see that… But a man can do everything a woman can do to you and more.”  
Lena’s eyes grew large at the absurdity of the suggestion, “Technically… But, no!”  
Sam got a naughty teenage twinkle in her eyes, “How is that so?”  
“It is knowing the difference between stuffing a turkey and playing the fiddle!” Lena smirked.  
Sam’s jaw dropped before bursting out in laughter.

“So… Kara has learned how to play the fiddle?”  
“She was a bit off-key at first, but Kara turns out to be very musically gifted.”

Lena enjoyed the pickles with cheese Sam had put on the table.  
“What about you?” she asked while chewing on her newfound favorite snack.  
“What about me?” Sam turned her eyes away as she sipped her wine.  
“Have you ever played the fiddle?” Lena was curious.  
Asking Sam these kinds of questions was only fair after all the things she had questioned Lena about.  
“I am more of a flute player,” she deadpanned. 

Lena burst out laughing as she couldn’t pick the kind of flute to make fun of.  
“What kind of flute? A piccolo? A trumpet? A sousaphone? … Oh my god, a didgeridoo!”  
She could picture them all and needed some time to recover from rolling over laughing.  
Her abs ached like they haven’t done in a long time.  
This was a good kind of ache.

Sam laughed along and shrugged when Lena gasped for air while wiping her joyful tears away.  
“Oh my god, Sam… That is so… I’m just so done with the flute ever since I heard the harmonies of my fiddle, okay?!”  
The rosy cheeks formed by red wine explained one of the reasons for Sam’s girlish giggle.

“Have you ever been tempted to play the fiddle?” Lena smiled mischievously.  
Sam had dodged her question before skillfully, but she was determined to get her answer.  
The blush on Sam’s face spread over her entire face and Lena was certain she was onto something.

“Oh, look… Your driver has arrived. It’s time for you to go now. Bye, Lena!” she theatrically looked out of the window before giving Lena a playful shove that was nowhere near powerful enough to push her off the couch...  
Lena hadn’t even called her driver yet to pick her up, so Sam’s excuse was absolutely the worst.  
“Oh my god, Sam! You totally have... Who?!”  
Sam’s embarrassment amused her.  
“Oh come on Sam. I already know it isn’t me… You just told me you loved me…” Lena sniffed like an overacting actress, “But not in a romantic way. Thank you for the casual heartbreak by the way.”  
Lena’s silliness removed the tension and made Sam laugh again.

“Okay, I was curious… once!”  
Lena settled in for her story.  
“She… she is quite the badass. Strong on the outside but soft and mushy on the inside… She made me laugh and… god she was so good with Ruby. Ruby absolutely adored her… Maybe that’s what made me wonder about her… because of Ruby...”  
With a dreamy smile, Sam was playing with her glass.  
“Have you ever told anybody about your crush?” Lena dropped her teasing to be a supportive friend.  
“It wasn’t really a crush I think… More an attraction. And I still think she is special, but not sexually or romantically,” Sam shook her head, “I’m sorry, it’s silly…”  
Lena reached forward to wrap her arm around Sam’s shoulder, “No, no… not at all. Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s sweet that you’ve had a little crush on Alex.” 

Sam’s head shot up, “I never said it was…”  
An eyebrow raise was all the response Lena needed to give.  
“Okay, yeah… it was Alex…” Sam dropped her head as if found guilty of a crime, “How did you know?”  
“I had a hunch back then and you just described Alex to me,” Lena elaborated.  
Sam lolled her head against Lena’s shoulder, “I never told anyone,” she whispered.  
“Your secret is safe with me,” Lena whispered back at the obviously tipsy woman.

Outside the snow had stopped falling, which made the roads safe enough to drive.  
“I’m gonna call my driver to pick me up,” Lena announced.  
“Noooo,” Sam whined, “I don’t want you to go!”  
Lena chuckled at the dramatic gestures Sam used.  
Sam’s alcohol tolerance wasn’t what it used to be, Lena thought.  
“Since Ruby moved out for study, I get a bit lonely sometimes,” she admitted sadly.

The evening had been a nice break for both of them.  
While Lena came here with her own crisis, Sam was able to set her mind straight and distract her.  
Sam feeling lonely was something she had never even considered, but Lena was sure this comment held more truth than her friend would admit when totally sober.  
She promised herself to pay more attention to Sam by not only showing up when she needed her, but also because she was an amazing human being and fun to be around.

“I’m sorry, Sam. We should have these kinds of evenings more often… I really enjoyed spending time with you,” Lena brought the empty glasses to the kitchen and got her phone out to call her driver.  
“You know, you don’t have to go… I have a guest room… Well, technically it’s Ruby’s room…”  
“Thanks for the offer,” Lena smiled, “But I am actually looking forward to spooning my fiddle.”  
“I’m sure you do!” Sam imitated the sound of a fiddle while pretending to hold an imaginary instrument against her chin and play it.  
Lena rolled her eyes and chuckled amused.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara’s apartment was dark when she got back.  
As silently as possible she got herself ready for bed, knowing very well Kara’s super-hearing could pick up on her heartbeat no matter how quiet she was.

Behind the curtain Lena found her Funshine curled up in her bed.  
She took a moment to take in the beautiful image of the resting Kryptonian.  
Earlier this day she might have been warmed by the love William seemed to feel for her little bean.  
She was caught off guard by his kindness and enthusiasm, but he was nothing compared to this goofy, blonde alien.  
His adoration for the baby was no match for the love Kara felt for their child.  
She thought back to the moment in the lab when Alex and she found out she was pregnant.  
It was such a shame Lena wasn’t up for motherhood yet, but Kara’s reaction was nothing short of perfection.  
How could she have been impressed by him when this wonderful creature was waiting for her at home?  
The reaction her body had to him this afternoon was so silly now.

Lena carefully slid beneath the covers before she rolled herself against Kara’s back.  
They fitted like a puzzle and she enjoyed it as long as it would still last.  
With her belly growing this would soon be… different.  
That silly Kryptonian would probably love to feel a baby kicking her in the back.  
Her smiling lips brushed against the back of Kara’s neck.  
The winter cold that had taken hold of her body was slowly melting away thanks to the warmth radiating from her girl.  
Wrapping her arms around Kara, she snuggled tighter to her, leaving no room for empty space between them.  
The intake of a deep gulp of air filled Lena’s nostrils with her scent.  
With a blissful release of breath, she sank completely into her, finishing off with a tender kiss just below her hairline.

“You got me worried,” Kara spoke softly.  
Lena squeezed Kara in her arms, “I’m sorry, Funshine. I didn’t mean to.”  
Kara’s hand searched for Lena’s so she could hold her, “I… really tried to trust him with you… but not hearing from you…” Kara whimpered.

The fear Kara was fighting by letting her go alone hadn’t occurred to Lena before.  
Kara had trusted her to keep her updated, but texting Kara had completely slipped her mind.  
A pang of guilt came over her.  
Taking into consideration that Kara had stalked and tormented William just a few months ago, she had done amazing.

“It was hard… I tried not to text you… and I know I failed…”  
Lena shook her head, “No, no, no… Honey, I’m so sorry! You did great... I should have texted you.”  
Kara kissed Lena’s knuckles, “Why didn’t you?”  
“I was careless… I forgot I wasn’t the only one struggling...” Lena admitted.

Kara turned to her back so she could look at Lena, “Did something happen?”  
She immediately shook her head in response, “Nothing bad… He was happy with the picture… It was nice.”  
“Nice? Lee… be careful with him!” Kara slid her hand under Lena’s pajama shirt to caress the place where her skin had once shown a rich palette of colors.  
Even though it hadn't hurt in a long time, the triggers she had experienced today made her flinch at the touch.  
Lena reached to cover Kara’s hand to keep it steady.  
“You okay?” Kara asked with wide startled eyes.  
“Ah…” Lena gasped, shocked by the reaction her body gave, “Y… Yeah… Just…”  
She rested her forehead against Kara’s.  
With a sigh, she slowly sank into the feeling of Kara’s hand on her ribs.  
“I think meeting him did more to me than I realized…”

Kara’s arms gently pulled Lena on top of her while embracing her torso.  
Her jaw was clenched as she swallowed thick.  
The hard trembling muscles beneath Lena were a reality check to how hard Kara was trying to restrain herself.  
The tips of her fingers brushed over Kara’s tensed cheeks, softening them beneath her touch.  
“It’s okay Kara… I’m okay,” she lowered her face and kissed Kara’s lips tenderly.  
At first, there was no response.  
Her lips were soft but pressed impossible tight together.  
Lena didn’t back down, she was determined to let Kara know how much she meant to her by putting all her love in her kiss.  
She could keep this up as long as necessary for her girlfriend to loosen up.  
In less time than she would have predicted, Kara went soft beneath her, opening her mouth enough for her to slip her tongue in.

Unlike the hot and passionate kisses they so often shared, this kiss was desperate and needy.  
Lena had her fingers tangled in the blonde curls, caressing her scalp as the body beneath her started to shutter.  
Kisses became messier, and fingers planted in her back close to rough enough to bruise her.  
As soon as she pulled back an audible cry escaped Kara.  
Taken aback by the display of emotions Lena pushed herself off Kara, giving her room to let her tears flow freely.  
Kara hid her face behind one of her hands, “I’m sorry,” she whimpered between her sobs.

Kara broke right before Lena’s eyes.  
Her mind raced over the possible reasons and how to fix this.  
She figured it was about William, but maybe she was completely off, she couldn’t know.  
As for fixing this…  
Lena had absolutely no clue.

Lena laid down beside Kara, wrapping her arm around her, and kissed her tear-salty cheek before resting her head on Kara’s shoulder.  
“It’s okay my love. I’m here.”  
Kara’s sadness affected her as well.  
To Lena, seeing Kara like this was the absolute worst. 

She held her until her tears dried out.  
“Oh… this is so silly... I shouldn’t be crying about this…” Kara laughed at herself through her tears.  
Lena propped herself up on her elbow and wiped Kara’s tears with her free hand, “It’s okay. We are in this together, remember?” she reminded Kara with a smile, hoping she could motivate her to talk.  
Kara chuckled anyway, “Thanks for letting me cry…” she lifted to peck Lena’s lips.  
“Always,” Lena played with Kara’s hair.  
“Can you…” Kara turned her eyes away for a moment as her face turned red, “Ehm… I don’t mean to be possessive… But can you text me the next time you meet with him?... Please?”

Lena was endeared by her apology.  
She had asked too much of Kara today.  
Even though the step might have been too big for her, she still pulled through.  
Lena was amazed by her.

“I’m going to give you something better…”  
“You are never gonna see him again?” Kara beamed.  
“No,” Lena chuckled, “You’ll come with me next time… Sit next to me as you will also do when we will raise our little bean together.”  
“Are you sure?” Kare narrowed her eyes.  
Lena nodded, “This is not something between him and me anymore… It’s about you and our daughter as well.”  
Kara’s smile grew so wide she scrunched her nose with it, which was incredibly cute in Lena’s opinion.  
“I… I don’t really trust my hormones. I have noticed they can have an impact on my judgment,” Lena admitted a bit embarrassed.  
“So, I need you to be the responsible parent when I get all hormonal and cry all over the place.”  
Kara’s laugh was music to her ears.

Lena sighed, “I’m sorry, Kar… Were you that worried about me?” she asked to make sure she wouldn’t make a wrong assumption.  
Kara pulled a face like a child who had just been caught stealing a cookie and holding it behind its back, “I… I kinda flew over there when you didn’t answer… And when you both weren’t there I feared for a moment he took you to his home or worse… you went willingly…” she confessed.

For a moment Lena was speechless.  
Going home with him had never been an option for her, but she had certainly been too comfortable with him.  
She stayed to the positive side of the truth, it had no use upsetting Kara over hormonal bullshit.  
“Silly alien,” she chuckled, “there are no lips I’d rather kiss than yours.”  
With a tender kiss, she sealed her words.  
“Besides,” she rolled out of bed, “I’d pick the sound of the fiddle over a flute any day.”  
“What?” 

Lena left a confused Kara behind as she went to the bathroom muffling her inside joke.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

_“Hey Lena. My parents are coming over for Christmas and they hope to see you. I understand that you would probably like to celebrate Christmas with Kara and your friends, but maybe you could come over on Christmas eve. I and my mom will prepare a feast. Of course, it will be fitted for a pregnant lady-”_

Lena didn’t even finish reading his message, instead, she closed the app and put her phone away.  
The past two weeks he had tried to contact her several times.  
Each time she kept him at distance, saying she would contact him if there was anything he needed to know.  
It’s not that he was being pushy, threatening, or mean, not at all.  
He was kind and interested, not only in the baby, but he was also caring towards Lena.  
She had gotten articles he sent her about a healthy pregnancy and vitamins and how to prevent aches and pains.  
Some of the information he gave her was actually useful and was news to her, but she would never tell him that.  
Instead, she thanked him and made sure he knew Kara was taking very good care of her.  
She was tempted to tell him bluntly how amazing Kara was and that his input was not needed, but that was unnecessarily cruel.  
Today she had no patience for his good intentions.  
Today she was way too excited to go shopping with the two brides to be.

Kara could pick her up at her penthouse any moment now.  
Being back in her home and having some time to herself was nice, although she missed a warm body next to her at night.  
She was amazed by how fast she had grown used to having Kara around.  
Lena might even miss Kara more than she enjoyed being alone.

“Starlight? I’m here!” Kara shouted from the living room.  
She had let herself in with the key Lena gave her, it would be hers anyway in a couple of months.  
“Just a minute!” Lena was annoyed by the effect her current state had on her blatter.

Dressed in a pair of ash gray trousers, with a matching ash grey blazer she was staring out of the window.  
“Are you inspecting your landing strip?” Lena joked.  
Kara chuckled, “There is some bird poop on there. You might consider cleaning it. You wouldn’t want Supergirl to slip, would you?”  
When she turned around, Lena was captivated by her beauty.  
Her pink shirt created a soft and playful contrast with the formal gray.  
The most gorgeous part of her look was her bright smile.

Suddenly Lena felt underdressed.  
Her body was changing which caused clothes to not fit like they used to.  
Several outfits had already been replaced, but that didn’t keep Lena from feeling insecure.  
Her eyes rolled over her girlfriend from head to toe and back up again.  
“I am going to change, quickly… Okay?” she announced pointing toward her walk-in closet.  
Before she could take one step Kara was already standing in front of her.  
She rarely used her powers in Lena’s presence, except to listen to the little bean’s heartbeat.

“No, don’t be silly. We have to go,” she took Lena’s hand and tucked it gently as she walked ahead.  
“No, wait!” Lena pulled away from her grip, “You are so pretty, Kara. And I… I barely fit my clothes anymore.”

Lena was self-aware of her wider hips, her rounder belly, and her fuller breasts.  
She didn’t think she was hideous, on the contrary, she could admire her new shape as much as Kara did.  
Kara never skipped a day in letting her know how gorgeous she was.  
All the praise made her feel confident and loved.  
The only problem was her clothes that got uncomfortably tight and accentuated the wrong parts of her body, making her look out of shape instead of magnificent and proud.

Kara rested her hands on Lena’s hips, “Lee, you are so pretty, but it’s about the brides today and you don’t have to outshine them every day,” as most jokes, this one also held a truth behind her smirk.  
To be precise, it was the truth about what Kara saw when she looked at Lena.

After some negotiating and teasing, Lena changed into her blue suit.  
The trousers had been altered so they would be able to stretch for a couple more weeks.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to Lena’s connections, Kelly and Alex were able to get an appointment with the most exclusive bridal store in National City.  
The brides had their doubts because of the high prices, but Lena had insisted. 

Ever since the two took her in when she was at her lowest point she wanted to give them something in return.  
Up until now, she had succeeded in paying all the bills for the special day without them knowing.  
Because she knew all the business owners, it wasn’t hard to receive the bills instead of the brides to be.  
She knew she had to come clean about the gift one day.  
Chances of that day being today were pretty reasonable because they both had a budget in mind for their outfits.  
Lena wouldn’t accept a budget.  
She wants Kelly and Alex to feel beautiful without limits.

The bridal shop had room for both brides on the opposite side of the store which made it impossible for them to take a peek at each other.  
They each had their own stylist to help them pick out the perfect wedding gown.  
A strategic plan was made to start the search for two perfect outfits.  
Kara would start with helping Alex as Lena would go with Kelly for the first support.  
Lena and Kara would alter between the two women whenever necessary.  
Kelly had also invited Nia, who would join the Kelly team but would probably also run back and forth between the brides just for fun.

The owner guided Kelly and Lena away from Alex and Kara offering them seats at the far back of the store.  
Nia was on her way.  
She had sent her apologies to Kelly with the explanation that she overslept, which wasn’t as unusual as it should be, but Dreamer was easily forgiven for dreaming.  
“Your stylist will be with you in a few minutes. Please, make yourself comfortable. Can I get you anything to drink in the meantime?” the owner offered.  
Lena wasn’t looking forward to the reaction her blatter would have on a cup of tea, so she preferred water just like Kelly.

Sitting in a comfortable chair, Lena was taking in the environment.  
In front of them was a runway created with on the end, seen from them, a large dressing room with big curtains.  
On the table next to her lay several beauty magazines, bridal editions of course.  
Kelly sat up straight, chewing on the inside of her cheek.  
Lena recognized that stretched out expression on her face.  
With a smile, she assured, “We are not leaving before we found you the perfect dress, don’t worry.”  
“Lena… Have you seen those prizes?” she whispered.  
“Darling, you know I own a few businesses, right?”  
“Is this shop yours?” Kelly’s eyes grew wide.  
“No…” buying the bridal store for Kelly and Alex wouldn’t have been such a weird idea now that she thought of it, “not yet anyway… But I’m sure they owe me a favor or two.”  
A nervous chuckle escaped Kelly as she dodged Lena’s gaze.  
The frown forming on her face gave Lena the impression something else was bothering her.  
“Kel, what’s on your mind?”  
Kelly shook her head, “It’s nothing… I’m sure it will be fine.”  
Lena nodded, “It will be better than fine. We won’t settle for less than that yes-to-the-dress feeling, okay?!”  
She reached with her hand for Kelly’s, who took hers with gratitude and squeezed.

“Hello, ladies. My name is Shirley, I am your stylist for today and I would guess you are the bride,” she offered her hand to Kelly.  
A woman in her early thirties with a rich chocolate brown skin tone stood in front of them.  
Her eyes were mysteriously deep brown like she held the secrets of the earth in her eyes.  
Kelly beamed at the sight of her.  
Lena couldn’t decide if the change in Kelly’s demeanor was caused by the mesmerizing beauty of this woman, or because Shirley would be able to offer Kelly the help and understanding a white woman could never provide her with.  
Shirley gave Lena a warm welcome as well.  
With one look in her eyes, Lena decided it had to be both of the reasons.

Before they started the fitting session, Shirley eased Kelly into the atmosphere.  
Shirley started a conversation with Kelly to get to know her better.  
The bride to be loosened up and Shirley got the information she needed to find Kelly the perfect wedding fit.  
Lena didn’t intervene in the conversation, she only nodded when Kelly searched her gaze for confirmation.  
Observing the two women interact and witnessing Kelly shake off her skepticism a bit by bit was a bliss to see.

“Do you have something in mind?” Shirley asked.  
Kelly shook her head, “I have no clue what I want, to be honest.”  
“Then we are going to start with a basic dress. Let’s see how it fits your figure and what you do and don’t like about it.”  
Shirley disappeared out of sight, leaving Kelly and Lena behind.  
“Feeling better?” Lena said.  
Kelly nodded, “Yeah, I like her. I think she might get me.”  
Most of the time Kelly was confident and in control, but in the center of attention she was small and insecure.  
“I think she will… And as a backup, you’ve always got me!” Lena joked.  
Kelly chuckled, “Yeah… I’m relieved.”

Shirley got back with the first fit and they went into the dressing room together.  
Lena kept herself busy with the magazines, looking for dresses that would look good on Kelly.  
Some dresses screamed more Kara to her and slowly her mind drifted into a daydream about another wedding with two other brides.

“Sorry, I’m late! What did I miss?” Nia dropped ungraciously in the chair next to Lena, tearing her out of her fantasy wedding.  
“Oh… Not much, yet. We’ve talked with Shirley, Kelly’s stylist and they are now putting on the first dress.”  
Since Nia had the power of dreams, Lena had to ask with a whisper, “Did you dream something was going to happen?”  
Nia bent towards her and stage-whispered, “A lot of dresses, a groom, and a fight…”  
“A groom?” This detail was most confusing to Lena, “There shouldn’t be a groom.”  
Nia shrugs, “My dreams aren’t that literally most of the time. But I turned my alarm off instead of snoozing, sometimes I’m just lazy...”

Shirley came back out and noticed Nia in an instant.  
She welcomed her, “You are not the other bride who secretly sneaked in, are you?”  
Nia laughed and introduced herself.  
“Good… Well, ladies. Are you ready for the first dress?”  
“YAAAASSS!” Nia screamed so enthusiastically, for a moment Lena thought she was trapped in a tv show.

Kelly shuffled out with a face as if her panties were twisted.  
“Aaaaahw…” Nia sounded happily surprised, but her nose was scrunched and her eyebrows raised till her hairline.  
The dress was okay, but this would definitely not be the dress Kelly would end up with.  
Kelly’s figure wasn’t complimented on her best assets and the bride to be looked deeply unhappy.

The image in the mirror didn’t lift Kelly’s spirits either.  
“What do you think?” Shirley asked her.  
“This is not the dress,” Kelly noted disappointedly.  
Shirley nodded, “I’m glad. This is a basic dress,” somehow that piece of information had slipped Lena’s mind, “so we are going to look at different aspects and see what you like and what you dislike.”

Lena was intrigued by Shirley’s way of working.  
The possible outcome had such a wide range, she narrowed it down by excluding variables and including possibilities.  
The basic dress had a small amount of lace which confused Kelly.  
She didn’t know if she liked it or hated it.  
Lena liked lace, but that was her personal opinion, this was Kelly’s dress.

While Kelly was changing into a full lace dress, Lena and Nia discussed what they would like for Kelly and what not.  
Lena liked the white color on Kelly, but Nia disagreed, “This color white was a too sharp contrast with her skin tone.”  
“Are you kidding? She could wear anything!” Lena argued.  
“I am not fighting that, but… a soft creamy white would compliment her better. I think it will make her look softer and warmer.”  
“Hmm…” Lena hummed, thinking Nia might be onto something.  
“Ah… I mean… I hope we get to see her in a softer tone…” Nia suddenly stammered and looked away from Lena.  
She had forgotten how much younger Nia was and chuckled because the age difference came out so clearly all of a sudden.  
“Let’s suggest it for the next dress. I’m curious as well,” she smiled.  
Nia beamed at her encouragement. 

The lace turned out to be something Kelly wasn’t comfortable with, even though Lena thought she looked stunning.  
“Is it supposed to itch like this?” Kelly nagged.  
She tugged on the fabric, making Shirley cringe visibly.  
“Okay, next dress!” she cut Kelly off and ushered her back into the stall.

The following dress was a more classical princess type dress with a corset and a wide bottom.  
Nia’s color suggestion was used in picking out this experiment.  
“I don’t know… This just doesn’t feel like me…” Kelly said sadly while she held up the skirt of the sugar cake dress she was wearing.  
Lena got why, Kelly was a slender woman, she disappeared in a dress like this.  
Her upper body seemed tiny compared to the half globe hanging beneath her.  
“But I like the color,” it was the first positive comment Kelly gave.  
“Hah! I told you!” Nia cheered.  
Shirley was glad she had something positive to work with as she agreed with the ladies.  
She offered her another dress and they went into the dressing room again.  
This allowed Lena to slip away to relieve her bladder.

Coming out of the bathroom she ran into a sighing Kara at the water fountain.  
“Just the face I was looking for,” Kara smiled when she laid her eyes on Lena.  
“Well, that’s a nice surprise,” Lena kissed her lips as she slid into Kara’s arms.  
“How is Alex doing?”  
Kara dropped her head backward, “She pretends to like everything. It’s exhausting and we don’t get any further. I’m starting to think that awful stylist is now offering her the most ridiculous dresses just to trigger her to say what she doesn’t like… She also keeps worrying about the costs.”  
“She knows I’m rich, right?”  
“I told her, but she seems to be aware of that!”  
Lena chuckled, “I think it’s time to switch! Kelly has a face as if every dress gives her a rash. The only one keeping my spirits up is the cheerful Nia. But never in this whole pregnancy have I craved scotch as much as today.”  
“My poor baby!” Kara joked.  
“I know,” Lena pouted, “now, cheer your baby up!”  
She closed her eyes and leaned in for a deep kiss, but her lips were left hanging in empty air.  
Instead, she heard Kara talk to her belly, “Is mommy being whiney? I’m sorry, baby. You’ll have to deal with her alone a couple more months, after that I can hold you in my arms.”  
“Careful, Supergirl! I might stir Kryptonite through your coffee!” Lena threatened.  
Kara gasped, “You wouldn’t dare!” she looked up at her while her hands lay flat against Lena’s stomach.  
“Then kiss me! I need strength to deal with these Bridezilla’s.”  
Kara didn’t waste time to come back up and kiss Lena fiercely.

She broke off the kiss before they got too heated, “Okay, time to switch!”  
“That’s what she said!” Lena smirked.  
In response Kara squeezed Lena’s butt playfully, making Lena yelp out.

When Lena got to the other fitting station, Alex’s stylist was the first to come out of the stall.  
Her eyes glided over Lena from top to bottom and back up.  
This woman in her late forties forced her heavily make-upped face into a grimace.  
“Oh my… You are pregnant,” before Lena could process what was happening a hand was already resting on her belly.  
In a reflex, she slapped it away.  
“I beg your pardon?!” 

She and Kara had talked about people inappropriately wanting to touch a pregnant belly.  
Kara told her it seemed to happen a lot, but both of them couldn’t imagine the audacity of it all.  
Lena hadn’t experienced that kind of invasion yet, until today.

Instead of apologizing, the woman molded her insulted face back into a maniacal smile again.  
“Well… My name is Karen, I am Alexandra’s stylist today.”  
Lena furrowed her brows, only Mrs. Danvers was allowed to call her Alexandra, but Alex preferred she didn’t.  
“You can call her Alex or Miss Danvers and I am Miss Luthor to you,” Lena was determined to let this woman know her position.  
“Miss Luthor… Lena Luthor? My dear child, I read about your divorce. I’m sorry to hear that. I assume your ex-husband will raise the child since you have a demanding career and you don’t do both,” her cheerful tone and smile didn’t match the effect she had on Lena.  
Her blood was boiling with rage for all the assumptions this woman threw at her.  
She was tempted to defend herself but swallowed her pride.  
This was about Alex and getting her the dress that would make her feel as special as she is.  
This woman wasn’t worth it, she didn’t deserve details about Lena’s private life.

“Lena does it all!” Alex joined in on the conversation, “And she is going to raise her daughter without her ex-husband, and she is going to be an amazing mom!”  
The pride in her voice made Lena loosen up, even though she would have preferred if Alex hadn’t said anything.  
Lena was grateful that Alex drew Karen’s attention away from her.

The obnoxious woman clapped her hands together and squealed, “Oh, Alexandra… You look beautiful!”  
Alex smiled shyly and turned her gaze at Lena, “Lena, what do you think?”  
The dress was fitted for royalty, covered in diamonds with a veil that reminded Lena of the shrouds widows wore in period dramas.  
Lena hesitated to answer, she hadn’t even heard Alex’s own opinion yet.  
She would have pictured Alex in an elegant but more humble dress.  
“Tell me what you think first, that’s the most important,” Lena encouraged her.  
Alex signed and took another look at herself in the mirror.  
Right before she opened her mouth Karen cut in, “The corset is set with Swarovski crystals and the gown is made of silk. It is the most exclusive piece in our collection, made to fit a queen and it suits you perfectly.”  
Alex smiled friendly and stammered, “It truly is a beautiful dress… but I can’t afford it.”  
“Don’t worry, darling. I think we can figure something out,” she glanced over at Lena real quick.

Lena knew… She must have heard Kara and Alex talk about Lena’s wealth and now this serpent was trying to sell Alex their most expensive dress.  
“It is pretty heavy,” Alex protested.  
“You are a strong woman, Alexandra. You are made for this dress,” she seemed determined to sell this dress to Alex.  
That would happen over Lena’s dead body.

She waited for Alex’s response, if Alex were to reject the dress that would be even better.  
“I… I don’t know…” Alex looked at Lena for help.  
The woman was putting more pressure on Alex, “With this dress, all eyes will be on you. You will outshine everybody.”  
Karen had made a fatal mistake.  
Lena was sure Alex would reject the dress now, this was the button she shouldn’t have pushed, but Lena enjoyed the show.

Alex dropped her forced politeness, “I am not supposed to outshine everybody.”  
“Sure you are! You are the bride!” Karen tried to convince her.  
“So is my fiance!”  
Karen took a step back to recover, which allowed Lena to stand next to Alex and support her physically closer.  
“Just as in a normal wedding, one will always outshine the other.”  
“She just said ‘normal’ wedding, Lena.” Alex focussed on Lena, grabbing her hand.  
Her voice was calm, but her firm grip gave her frustration away.  
Lena squeezed back and went with her, pretending the woman wasn’t around.  
“She did. Doesn’t she know a gay marriage isn’t bound to gender norms?”  
“I think it is clear that you will be the one that outshines… the other.” Karen desperately tried.

She must have sensed how the tension was building.  
As soon as Lena took stance next to Alex, Alex stood straighter and showed more confidence where the stylist slumped a little and backed away.  
Lena was very much aware of the intimidating effect the two of them could have on others.  
And she was planning on destroying this bitch.  
Karen’s kind mask was crumbling down and she was showing her true face.

Alex was triggered, “What are you trying to say?” she challenged the woman who subtly backed away.  
Lena wrapped her free arm around Alex’s waist, forming a barrier between the two.  
Alex’s anger was building so quickly, Lena feared a bloodbath in the bridal shop if she couldn’t restrain her. 

“Lena! Nia and Shirley had an epiphany and we think we’ve got it! Come take a look!” Kara’s cheerful warmth was lost in the ominous cold in this part of the store.  
“Wow! What can I do?” she looked at Lena, who hadn't taken her eyes off Karen.  
“Get Philippe!” Lena ordered.  
As Kara left to get the owner, Lena wished she hadn’t taken her blazer off before, the crystals were damaging her blouse and scratching in her flesh.  
Alex leaned into Lena’s arm trusting her to stop her, “Calm down, Alex. Let me take care of this.”  
Lena devoted all her attention to Alex.

“Don’t you dare to belittle the love of my life!” Alex spat.  
The struggle to keep Alex from strangling this horrible person was real.  
“Come on Alex, I can barely hold you.” Lena grunted, “Turn around… Let’s get you out of this dress.”  
Thankfully, Alex gave in to Lena’s request and let herself be ushered into the dressing room.  
Getting a bride in and out of her dress is specialized work, but Lena wouldn’t allow anyone near Alex at this point.  
If the dress got damaged, Philippe would have to take his loss for having such a shitty employee.

With Karen out of sight, Alex let out a deep breath, “Get me out of this…” her voice was trembling.  
Lena was already fumbling with the back of the corset, “Gladly.”  
Alex shook her head and scoffed, “I am so… angry.”  
“I know, me too.”  
“What was she implying? … I just… I can’t…”  
Lena stilled her hands for a moment and took a deep breath, “I get what you mean, Alex… She is not important! You are and Kelly is, that’s all that matters okay?”  
She continued untangling the corset after Alex nodded with a loud sniff.

“Philippe is waiting outside,” Kara peeked through the curtains.  
Lena wanted to get rid of this woman as soon as possible, but Alex still wasn’t out of this over-expensive gown.  
She asked Kara to help her sister out and comforted Alex, “Don’t worry. I will take care of this. Take your time, Kara is with you... Trust me!”  
Before she realized what she was doing, she had kissed Alex on her forehead just as motherly comforting as she had once received from Alex. 

Lena had settled herself in the back office with Philippe.  
She had insisted on Karen’s presence at this conversation, “She needs to hear what I have to say!”  
Leaning back in her chair she crossed her legs, combined with the blue suit she radiated business and power.  
Changing her clothing before leaving turned out to be a wise decision.

“Philippe, we have a problem here… The behavior of your employee is unacceptable. Normally this would be an easy fix. We would get up and leave. Also, you would get a bad review on Google. We have two reporters with us today, who would gladly write an article about your business here.”  
Lena paused to let Philippe digest the information.

“The only problem is… I like Shirley! And I understood she found Kelly the perfect dress. Walking away would mean Kelly won’t get her dress and Shirley will lose a sale because of your obnoxious employee.”  
Out of the corner of her eye, Lena could see Karen shuffle.  
Her nerves were like smelling fear to a predator and Lena loved this power play.  
“I apologize, Miss Luthor. Perhaps I can take over helping Miss Danvers and Karen will be dismissed for the day?” Phillipe suggested.  
“That won’t do! I invested in this shop and I won’t allow L-Corp to be linked to racism and homophobia.”  
Karen protested but was cut off by a gesture of Lena’s hand.  
Lena continued without batting Karen an eye, “I think you are very well aware of your financial situation and how much you still owe me. That provides me with three options.”  
Philippe bravely stared Lena in the eyes, but the sweat drops forming on his forehead betrayed his nerves.  
“One, I want my investment back. I’m sure you don’t have the money, which would mean you will be bankrupt with one signature from my hand.”  
“Two,” she pointed at Karen, “You fire her!”  
“But Miss Luthor, I can’t fire my sister...” he resisted.  
“Three,” she continued as if she hadn’t heard him, “I will buy your business and fire her myself.”  
Philippe looked at Karen in shock.  
“I will be back in ten minutes. If you found another fitting solution to this problem, I am all ears.”

Lena hoped Kelly was still wearing her yes-to-the-dress so she could show her support.  
A burning feeling irritated the inside of her lower arm.  
During her walk towards Kelly’s part of the store, she let her fingers glide over the sensitive skin of her other arm.  
She discovered her blouse was ripped and abrasion had taken the place of her smooth skin.  
With moist coming out of it, she had to keep in mind to stay away from the dresses to prevent contamination.

“Lena!” Kelly jumped up from her seat where she had been waiting for her friend to return, “Look!”  
She twirled around a couple of times, walked up and down the runway, and did a couple of fierce poses.  
People had told Lena a certain spark was visible when a bride found her dress.  
This was it for Kelly, no doubt.  
She stood proud and she glowed with happiness.

Besides Kelly’s own expression, Lena had to agree this outfit was perfect for her.  
“Kelly… This is you!” Lena blurted out with a bright smile.  
Kelly’s happiness was a welcome distraction from the stress she just had to face.

“I know… It’s not what I expected at all. But Nia mentioned I looked trapped in a dress and Shirley… She knew exactly what I needed.”  
Kelly was wearing an elegant, cream-colored, three-piece suit.  
Her body was to die for, accentuating her figure in all the right places.  
High white heels gave her a powerful feminine look.

“Oh, Alex is definitely gonna love this!”  
“Kelly has a gorgeous cleavage which we shouldn’t cover-up, that’s why I went for a lower cut blouse. It covers enough to keep it classy but it’s low enough to be also sexy and desirable,” Shirley explained.

Lena had her own epiphany sparking inside of her.

“And I can move freely,” Kelly squared to demonstrate, making Lena giggle.  
Kelly strolled in Lena’s direction and wrapped her arms around the CEO, “I am so happy, Lena!”  
“Careful!” Lena yelled as she pulled her damaged arm out of the way.  
Backing away immediately Kelly asked, “What’s wrong, sweety?”  
“I had a little accident,” she rolled up her sleeve, exposing her bloody skin, “It looks worse than it is, don’t worry. Can you do me favor?”  
Kelly nodded, “Change into your own clothes and go and hold your fiance? Alex and I had some trouble with her stylist. I’m taking care of it now, but I think she could use some love right now.”  
“Ah… Yes… of course…” Kelly stammered.

Lena turned towards Shirley, “Can she get out of her suit herself or with Nia? I would like a word with you.”  
Shirley’s eyes grew large, “Normally I would prefer to help the bride myself… But I trust Miss Nal to assist Miss Olsen with care,” she gave Nia a nod, who seemed to understand the seriousness of the situation.  
Nia ushered Kelly away from them while comforting Kelly on the way.

Lena realized she must have come off pretty strong when scaring Shirley off was the last thing she wanted to do.  
She smiled at her, “You did a marvelous job with Kelly, I’m impressed,” she started.  
“Thank you, Miss Luthor.” A small smile escaped her lips.  
“Do you have more ambition in fashion?” Lena was interested.  
“I am grateful for the job I have. I love helping women get ready for their special day. I love finding them that piece of fabric that they will remember for the rest of their lives because it made their day more special. I want to make women feel good,” a twinkle appeared in her eyes.  
“What are your dreams, Shirley? If you could achieve anything, I mean.”  
“You mean if fairytales came true?” she looked at Lena skeptically.  
Lena chuckled, “Sure… Let’s go with that.”  
“Well… I would have a bridal shop, like this… But also for the less fortunate. I want a section with second-hand dresses and even rental dresses. I want to alter and design dresses myself. And I want not only the rich to be able to get that dream dress… I think the people who have to struggle to make it through the week also deserve that piece of fabric that makes them feel like they own the world, even if it’s just for a day. I want to make them happy who already had to struggle so much in life.”  
Lena was glad to see so much passion in Shirley.  
“That sounds like a wonderful dream,” Lena encouraged her.  
“Yeah…” her face lost its spark, “A dream…” 

Lena changed the subject, “Would you mind also helping Alex out?”  
Shirley cocked her head, “I couldn’t take over another stylist's client.”  
“Karen won’t come back. You can’t leave a bride without a dress now, can you?” She used Shirley’s passion to convince her.  
The corners of Shirley’s mouth curled upwards, “You want me to dress both brides? Are you serious?”  
Her professionality slipped away as her enthusiasm took over, which Lena found adorable.  
“Yes, please. And I’m sure the brides will agree with me, I know them well enough.”  
“I would love that, but I would have to check with Philippe first.”  
Lena smirked, “Leave Philippe up to me.”

Shirley helped Kelly with the last parts of her outfit as Lena went to check up on Alex.  
Alex was dressed in her black shorts and a shirt, sitting on the ground, slumped against Kara.  
Lena knelt in front of them, “Alex… I am solving this, okay. I’m letting them sweat a little. Kelly and Nia are on their way over here and I got you a new stylist.”  
Alex sighed, “I don’t know, Lena…”  
“Shirley is wonderful. Kelly likes her and I’m sure you will as well. Take all the time you need, okay?”  
After Alex nodded, Lena discovered getting up from a kneeling position became harder.  
Kara reached for her hand, pulled it closer, and kissed her knuckles, “Thank you!” she mouthed.

Without knocking, Lena let herself back in Philippe’s office.  
Karen was sitting in her chair but a wave of her hand was enough to make Karen move out of her way and hide behind Philippe.  
Apparently, she had finally understood her position.  
As Lena was settling in, Philippe started talking, “Karen and I came to a solution that will please you.”  
Lena had already made up her mind, but listening to them should be amusing.  
She skeptically raised her eyebrow to make him even more nervous.  
He scraped his throat, “Okay… well… Karen will apologize to the bride. I will help her further and the dress will be on us. Plus, L-Corp can advertise in our shop.”  
Lena scoffed, “Are you serious?”  
Philippe’s expression was so dead serious he didn’t even blink.  
“You insult me, Philippe. This is a ridiculous proposition and you know it!”  
She took a sharp breath through her nose.  
“First of all. Karen is out, that’s non-negotiable. I made that clear from the start. Second, I don’t have faith in your abilities. I have already asked Shirley for help.”  
“Shirley?” He barked like a dog driven in a corner, “She isn’t qualified! No… I’m going to help and Karen stays.” he was bluffing.  
Lena could wipe him and his company out and he knew it.  
This was either his way of going down with his head held high or he thought he could impress National City’s most influential businesswoman.  
He might fear his sister more than he feared losing his company, Lena thought.  
Lena was right, this was entertaining.

\-----

With her nose high and a cocky grin on her face, she was greeted by five confused women.  
“Did Karen just leave… crying?” Alex asked.  
“And Philippe?” Kara added.  
Lena did a little victory dance, “I know right?! He ran off with his tail between his legs.” she smiled.  
“What did you do?” Nia asked, amused.  
“Long story short... I bought the place. I fired Karen and what happens to Philippe is up to the new manager.”

Adrenaline was pumping through Lena’s veins like it hadn’t done in a long while.  
She loved being a scientist, but she almost forgot how powerful being a CEO could make her feel.  
Knowing she still had it gave her confidence she thought she had lost.  
The confirmation of her own power was something she needed more than she had realized.  
Lena felt good.

Shirley knitted her brows, “But… What will happen to the store, Miss Luthor?”  
“Well… I heard an exciting business plan for this place from a very passionate person who I think could do wonders with this place,” Lena let her eyes wander through the store with a smug grin on her face.  
“Oh… Yes, I understand,” Shirley lowered her head in defeat, probably fearing her job.  
“I hope you will take the opportunity, Shirley. It would be a pleasure working with you.”  
Lena offered her hand to seal the deal.  
Shirley’s head shot up, her eyes watered with emotion and her mouth pulled in an incredibly bright smile, “But I have never run a business before.”  
Lena shrugs, “Just give me a call, I have people who can help you with anything.”  
Eagerly Shirley shook Lena’s hand, “I will not disappoint you, Miss Luthor.”

The change of management lifted the spirits so much, Alex went back to dress fitting and Lena got back to the other side of the store with Kelly.  
Kelly wrapped a bandage around Lena’s arm as Lena told her everything about how she humiliated Philippe and Karen.  
“The amount of pleasure you get from their pain is alarming, Lena,” Kelly noted with her eyes fixated on tying the bandage, “There!”  
“She insulted my friends and he allowed her to!”  
“I know… Alex told us… Thanks!” Kelly smiled at her, “This better not be a new coping style!”  
“What coping style?”  
“Buying businesses of people that piss you off.”  
Lena cocked her head with a mischievous grin, which made them both chuckle.

Lena opened her phone to call Sam for the business transaction.  
“A missed call from William,” she grunted, “And some messages!”  
“What does he want?”  
Kara didn’t even know he was trying to contact her which made Kelly the first person she told about his attempts.

“I think you are responding well. Not unkind and not giving him anything… But I do believe you should involve Kara. I wouldn’t like it if Alex kept something like this from me.”  
Kelly’s advice was welcome since Lena had been struggling with this dilemma for a few days now.  
She had hoped he would back away, but instead, he increased his search for attention.

The subject of William was soon forgotten as Lena and Kelly started talking about Kelly’s suit again.  
Nia interrupted them because Alex wanted to show Lena the dress she found.  
Kelly beamed with excitement but was kept in place by Nia who stayed to keep her company.

The glow of happiness that greeted Lena was a phenomenal contrast with the angry bride she had stopped from strangling the stylist.  
Kara took her chance to wrap her arms around Lena from behind and just hold her while she observed the proud bride to be.  
Lena leaned back into her lover.

Alex was breathtaking.  
Her dress was asymmetrical, with her right shoulder bare and a short lace sleeve over the other.  
The corset top hugged her body seamlessly, the lace covering the fabric gave her even more glamour.  
At the waist, the fabric flowed down like water, with a split on the side up until just below her left hip.  
All that in deep scarlet red.  
Her figure was phenomenal with all her roundings highlighted at the best places.

“Wow, Alex… You are… I mean… Wow...”  
“I’m still not going to the sauna with you, Luthor!” Alex cut in.  
Heat rose to Lena’s cheeks.  
She hadn’t thought of Alex that way before, but the future bride looked hot as hell.  
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Kara rested her chin on Lena’s shoulder.  
“She’s stunning,” Lena gasped.

After a shy chuckle, Alex worried, “I don’t outshine, Kelly right? I mean… It’s not over the top right?”  
“You look very different, but I think the two of you will make the other only shine more,” Shirley assured her.  
Deep brown eyes flickered between Alex and Lena while Shirley bit her lower lip.  
“Can I… Can I make you two match even more? Make you more one whole?”  
“Why are you looking at me?” Lena asked in confusion.  
“Well… I have to alter the outfits a bit and we normally don’t do that here…” Shirley stumbled.  
Lena laughed, “Well… You are the boss! If the brides are in for it, you should do it!” 

\----------------------------------------------------------

Kelly and Alex both eagerly agreed to Shirley’s suggestion.  
After their fitting adventure, the five women would celebrate all the successes of today with dinner.  
Unfortunately on the way to the restaurant Kara, Nia and Alex had to leave for a Super emergency.  
In the hopes of rounding the trouble up quickly, Kelly and Lena went to Lena’s home.  
If the others would make it back in time they could still go to a restaurant together.

Lena and Kelly had just taken off their coats and Lena’s blazer when the doorbell rang.  
“Well, that’s quick,” Lena was expecting her girlfriend and company, so she opened the door with a smile.  
Her laugh faded when her eyes met those of her ex-husband. 

“Hey… I tried to call you…” William started.  
“So, you thought it would be a good idea to go to my home?” Lena crossed her arms defensively, hurting herself in the process.  
“I… I couldn’t reach you. I don’t understand why you are pushing me away! We’ve had such a nice time at Nancy’s. What changed?”  
Lena sighed and dropped her head.  
She knew the way she had been treating him might not be fair to him, “It was nice… It was so nice, it scared me…” She answered truthfully.  
He turned his gaze away and nodded, “I get it… I’m sorry.”  
“That’s okay,” Lena swallowed, “I want you involved in my daughter's life… But I don’t want you in mine.”  
“Oh…” he stepped back and paused for a bit, “But it’s better if we get along.”  
Their eyes locked and Lena couldn’t help but smile at him, “It is,” she agreed.  
His kind smile made Lena so soft she dropped her arms and leaned against the doorframe.

” His eyes fell on her arm, “Did Kara hurt you?”  
He took hold of her hand and gently touched her arm with his fingertips.  
For a moment Lena was mesmerized by the moment.  
When she realized how weak she still was to his charms she pulled back.  
“I appreciate your concern, but to normal people, it’s not customary to hurt the one you love!” she bit at him, “Kara is a blessing and she treats me very well. Never dare to suggest something like that again!”  
He nodded with relief, “Did you hurt yourself?” he asked softly.  
His worry angered Lena more.  
“What? No! It was just an accident, now shut up about it!”  
“An accident…” he sighed.  
Ignoring his suggestion, Lena quirked her eyebrow, “What do you want?”  
“Oh… Eh…” He changed the subject, “I told my therapist about the contact we had and he thought it would be a good idea if you would come to therapy with me… so we would have therapy together… For the baby!” He shuffled on his feet.

Kelly appeared from behind Lena, “Lena’s therapist disagrees! She will contact you if there is anything she has to share with you. I suggest you leave now before I call the cops on you for trespassing!” Kelly threatened him.  
She didn’t await his response as she slammed the door in his face.  
“The audacity!” Kelly mumbled. 

Lena chuckled, “That was harsh.”  
“Says the woman who just bought a bridal store to fire someone.”  
Kelly walked ahead of Lena back to the living room.  
“They messed with the wrong family!” Lena announced. 

With knitted brows, Kelly asked her, “The Luthors?”  
“No…” Lena matched a cocky grin with her pulled up eyebrow.

“The Danvers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts, feedback, praises, and insults in the comments.  
> It's always nice to know people are reading :)
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and will stick with me till the end.


	20. The spirit of Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara host a Christmas party at Kara's place with all their friends and family.
> 
> The day after Christmas they will meet with another part of the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story used to be called:  
> Willena or Willena not?

After an entire day spent in bed and on the couch, holding her loved one in her arms, Lena mentally prepared herself for celebrating Christmas with all her friends and family.  
Tearing her eyes away from the sleeping Kryptonian became a lot harder ever since she had been brought into the med-lab with kryptonite needles sticking out of her chest two days ago.

The day before Christmas eve, Lena found out the hard way that dating Supergirl wasn’t only sunshine and rainbows.  
Most of the time Kara remained unharmed, but when she got injured, she got injured badly.

An alien-gang had been terrorizing the city for a while now.  
They were just annoying at first, a pain in the arse for National City police but no match for Supergirl.  
Until somehow they got their grip on kryptonite and Supergirl was caught off guard.

After Leviathan was defeated, all the kryptonite had been destroyed but there was no way of knowing for sure if everything was gone.  
Where the Kryptonite was coming from and how many had gotten their hands on it was a mystery that Alex and J’onn were on top of.

Lena was working in her lab when Alex called to tell her, Kara had been injured.  
Kara had been in the med-lab for a while, but Alex refused to call Lena before Kara was stable.  
She prevented Lena from stressing more than necessary.  
At first, this had angered Lena, and she demanded to be called first thing when something happened to her girlfriend, but after the first shock was gone, she thanked Alex for looking out for her and the little bean.

With the kryptonite out of her body and a sunlamp shining healing her, she physically recovered quickly.  
Yesterday, she was still wobbly on her feet and with Lena being uncomfortably aware of her girlfriend’s mortality, they decided to have a pajama day.  
Lena had spoiled Kara and pampered her till she giggled, she wasn’t an infant.  
Kara being always by her side wasn’t something to be taken for granted, even she could be gone one day.

They had taken a break from the world and those moments with her loved one were precious to her.  
The entire day had been just the two of them with a short interruption by Kelly who brought them dinner.

Rejecting William’s request to have dinner on Christmas evening with his parents turned out to be a good decision.  
Not only could Lena cuddle with her girlfriend all day, but Christmas eve was also the first time she felt the little bean move.  
Unfortunately, Kara wasn’t able to feel the movements on the surface but with her ear pressed against her belly, she could hear the little bean shift positions.  
Sharing that with Kara had been the greatest Christmas present she could have wished for.

Before leaving the bed, Lena gently kissed Kara’s head with the hopes she wouldn’t wake up.  
Because this was Kara’s last Christmas in her apartment, they decided to use this place to celebrate.  
Lena was determined to take as many worries out of Kara’s hands as possible.  
But before all that, she needed a shower after rotting in her pajamas for over 24 hours.  
Tonight she had to wear a clean pair of pajamas.

Her body shivered from the hot water running over her skin.  
She closed her eyes and released a deep sigh.

Christmas was only special to her because of the people she could spend the day with.  
Today was going to be special with Kelly and Alex coming over, who became like family to her over the past few months, Eliza, J’onn, M’gann, Nia, Brainy, Sam, and Ruby.  
Having so many people around who accepted her and even loved her was a bliss Lena didn’t take lightly.  
As a Luthor, her Christmas was never this warm.  
A year ago she spent half the day working and the other half with William.  
Apparently, he had never been that special, even though she thought he was at the time.

“Room for one more?”  
Her sweet voice brought butterflies to Lena’s stomach, “If that one is you? Always!”  
Smiling wide she looked over her shoulder.  
Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, pressing her front against Lena’s back.  
The sensation of their skin touching, always made Lena’s body tingle pleasurable.  
“Would you mind washing my hair?” Lena held up the bottle of shampoo for Kara.  
“I can’t… Not yet,” she placed kisses on the nape of Lena’s neck before burying her face against Lena’s skin.  
The warm water raining down on them gave Lena the feeling they were magically melting together.  
Kara silently pressed herself tighter against Lena who gasped at the slight pressure against her body.  
The blonde was so gentle it worried Lena, “Kar? Are you okay?”

She had asked if Kara was okay so many times yesterday, Kara refused to answer at the end of the day.  
“I told you… I’m not human, my body is already recovered,” she mumbled emotionless against Lena’s neck.  
“I know…” Lena took Kara’s hand between two of hers and brought it up to her chest, “I wasn’t talking about your body.”

The pause that followed said more than a thousand words ever could.  
Lena turned around so she could hold Kara close against her.  
“I will be okay,” Kara said weakly.  
“Yes, you will… Together with me! So… talk to me,” she insisted.

They parted a few inches so Lena could observe her lover.  
Kara’s eyes seemed puffy and a bit reddened, but it was hard to tell if she had been crying or if it was because of the shower water.  
“I have never been scared of dying, Lee… Saving the world has always been more important...”  
Kara averted her gaze like she was ashamed.  
With two hands, Lena cupped Kara’s face and tilted her chin up, “And saving the world isn’t the most important anymore?”  
“It should be the most important right?”  
“When you’re talking to a journalist, yes. But I hope you can be more honest with me. Can you tell me what your heart is saying?”  
Lena pressed her forehead against Kara’s, making their wet hair fall like a curtain around them.  
The intimacy of this moment almost overwhelmed Lena, she grounded herself by planting her fingers in the small of Kara’s back.

“I can’t die anymore… I’m gonna be a mom.” she whimpered.  
Adoration shot through Lena’s veins, “Yes… Yes, you are!” she sniffed, thankful Kara shared the fear of letting the little bean grow up without her.  
Lena laughed through her tears, besides fear, this realization was also surrounded by love and beauty.  
Kara broke their skin contact, opening up the curtains that kept the bathroom light out, “What makes you laugh?”  
“We are going to be a family, Kara… That comes with responsibilities and it is scary, but we… We are gonna be a family!”  
A grin appeared, “We are gonna be a family!” Kara confirmed.

Lena screamed when she was picked up and twirled around.  
“Be careful! We might slip!” she tapped Kara’s shoulders.  
Looking up at her, Kara smiled, “Look down,” she said.  
They were floating an inch or two above the ground.  
Convinced about her safety, Lena relaxed in Kara’s arms.  
“Still want me to shampoo your hair?” a mischievous grin met her gaze.  
Lena wrapped her legs around Kara’s waist and bowed down to meet her lips with a kiss, “My hair can wait!”

\-------------------------------------------------

The room was lit with so many tiny Christmas lights there was no need to put on any regular light in Kara’s home.  
Decorated with golden and silver balls the Christmas tree stood tall in front of the window with a massive pile of presents stacked around it.  
After a tough year, Lena felt the need to spoil everyone who made her life more bearable.  
Besides the small gifts of awful Christmas sweaters, socks, and candles, Lena had prepared some thoughtful gifts she was nervous about.

The guests were dripping in bearing gifts of food, laughter, and joy.  
Lena had been a guest at Kara’s gatherings, but she had never been at the center of hosting it.  
Creating such a familiar feeling with Kara was fulfilling.  
Her friends greeted each other with bright smiles, hugs, and happiness.  
Lena had never felt this rich before.

Christmas songs were playing in the background from a playlist carefully put together by Nia.  
While Kelly was stalling out the food, Kara was pre-tasting everything, resulting in a slap over her fingers from Alex’s fiance.  
Ruby told Alex about the challenges she faced at university and received advice from her example.  
M’gann and J’onn found each other beneath the mistletoe, which was placed in a discretely dark corner of the room.  
Brainy was stumbling as Nia tried to teach him the moves to the Christmas version of the Macarena. 

“The Christmas Macarena is just the Macarena with bells,” Sam joined Lena by the counter who was observing the colorful mixture of people.  
Lena chuckled, “Such an easy way to sell records… I’m glad you came.”

Sam had been in doubt, with all the couples at the gathering she was afraid she would feel left out.  
She told Lena she liked to celebrate Christmas with her daughter, but it was never an option for Ruby to not be included.

“So… Are you ready for the big Christmas karaoke?”  
Lena groaned, “I put all my hopes on you to boycott this stupid idea with me.”  
“I wanted to… But Ruby insisted I should sing a song with her and you know I’m a sucker for my daughter.”  
“One day, my daughter can do that kind of shit with Kara! I will teach her chess, fencing and do science experiments with her,” Lena caressed her belly with a content smile on her face.  
“You already sound like the boring parent!” Sam scoffed.  
“Hey!... You think?” Lena switched from offended to insecure within seconds.  
Sam shook her head, “No… You will do great.”  
Warmth rose to Lena’s cheekbones, “Thanks… Ow! I felt her move, yesterday.”  
The only person in the room who got that feeling was smiling widely at her, “That is such a magical feeling, isn’t it?”

With a knock on the door, Lena knew the guest she was most nervous about had arrived.  
For the first time since she and Kara were together, she was about to face Eliza.  
Their relationship wouldn’t be news to the oldest Danvers because Kara had already informed her.  
About a month ago, Kara also told her about the little bean and how she planned upon raising the child as her own.  
Alex had been with Kara when she made the call to their mother, which was a good choice since Eliza reacted indifferently and broke the connection soon after.  
“Mom will come around, she can’t deny her golden child anything,” Alex had ensured Kara.  
She was right for a week later two little socks arrived in the mail accompanied by a congratulation card for both of them.

Kara glanced over at Lena before opening the door to greet her mother, Lena gave her an encouraging nod.  
Eliza took Kara in her arms as soon as she stepped foot in the apartment.  
Lena was able to drop the tension in her shoulders as she witnessed how Eliza refused to let her daughter break free from her embrace.  
Eliza glazed over at Lena and gestured to join in.  
With hesitation, she approached the cuddle scene and let herself get pulled into a motherly embrace.  
After what seemed like hours, Kara escaped from her mother’s grip which allowed Eliza to focus solely on Lena.  
“Thank you for making my daughter happy,” she spoke softly in her ear, making Lena so emotional she had to fight back her tears.  
Eliza released Lena, looking into her eyes she said, “And welcome to the family! Well…” she glanced down and back up with a bright smile, “both of you.”  
Lena was weak for motherly love, she craved the love as much as she feared it.  
There was no stopping her waterworks now, “Thank you,” she whimpered as her tears started to flow.  
“Oh, darling… Hormones?”  
She nodded, thankful for the understanding.

“Can I?”  
“No!”  
“Please, Lena?”  
“No!”  
“Just one.”  
“If you can do with just one, you can also handle none!”  
Alex dropped her head, “You grinch!”  
Lena wrapped her arm around Alex and cradled her head against her shoulder, “Aw… You are doing amazing, Alex. You have no idea how proud I am of you.”  
“Yeah… thanks… Still, I would like some now,” Alex whined.  
“Can I have some, Alex? … No! And neither can you! Now get yourself some of the punch Kelly made for us and take a seat.”

Alex had been begging Lena for an alcoholic drink, although Lena was convinced this was more theatrics than a real craving.  
If Alex really couldn’t do without, she wouldn’t have asked for Lena’s permission, she would have taken it.  
She had handled her alcohol-free existence surprisingly well.  
Lena was convinced that her fight with Karen during her dress fitting could have been a trigger, but the day had ended so wonderfully Alex had no trouble resisting temptation.

Kara offered Lena one of the food plates she was holding.  
Before she sat down beside her, she kissed her cheek.  
“You know I could have grabbed myself something to eat,” Lena grinned at her.  
“I know… I just like to take care of you.”  
Lena chuckled, “Gosh… I love you so much.”  
“I love you too, Starlight.”  
As they were eating, Kelly kicked off the karaoke machine by belting out, “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” getting everyone cheering with laughter.

“Why does Kelly want a Hippopotamus for Christmas?” Brainy joined Kara and Lena at the counter.  
“A Hippopotamus sounds like a rather impractical gift, especially beneath the Christmas tree.”  
Kara giggled softly but unlike others, Lena had the gift to answer Brainy’s questions seriously.  
Lena admired the way his brain worked, even though it was different from anybody else she knew.  
Sometimes his way of thinking made her feel less like an outcast because they understood each other on a level others didn’t.  
“Given the size of the presents beneath the tree, the chances of Kelly getting a Hippopotamus for Christmas is 2.82%”  
Lena cocked her head, “That is still a pretty high percentage…”  
“Yes. I included the chances of you buying her a Zoo in my calculations.”  
Kara burst out into laughter.  
“That’s fair,” Lena nodded, “But Kelly doesn’t want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. It is only meant to be sung for entertainment.”  
Brainy lowered his head for a moment before lifting it high again, “I will have to cancel the song I planned to sing for Nia. Mariah Carey's ‘All I want for Christmas’ is not nearly as entertaining as Rudolph the rednosed reindeer.”  
Lena stopped him before he could walk off, “Brainy… Sing the Mariah Carey song to her. She will love it. Trust me.”  
His eyes flickered between Lena and Nia, who was standing on the opposite side of the room, ending his contact with a nod towards Lena.

“Do you think he’s good for Nia?” Kara whispered.  
For a few weeks, Nia and Brainy called themselves a couple again and Kara had her doubts because he had hurt her before.  
“I know he wants to be good for her!” Lena answered.

After most of the food was gone and more songs were sung, Kara announced the unwrapping of gifts.  
“Ow, Ruby. Do you want to hand everyone their present?” Sam asked her daughter.

Lena could just imagine how her little bean would be squealing with joy surrounded by so many gifts.  
“I’m not a child anymore, mom!” Ruby protested.  
Lena muffled her laughter behind her hand.  
“Oh, you´ll wait! In fifteen years you will have your own terror-girl to control.”  
“In fifteen years you most likely will be a grandmother!” Lena teased back.  
“Oh god…” Sam hid her face behind her hand.

“May I?” Nia dashed forward to hand out the gifts.  
Nobody dared to put her enthusiasm down, not that Nia gave anybody the chance to object.  
She handed out the first stack of gifts that all had the same shape which turned out to be Christmas sweaters for everybody.  
Kara had a blast when she and Lena went shopping for them.

When Nia grabbed the first specific package, Brainy interrupted, “Not that one.”  
She tried another gift, “Not that one.”  
...  
“Not that one.”  
...  
“Not that one.”  
“BRAINY!” Nia stopped him, “Just let me hand out the presents and stop interrupting!”  
Brainy pressed his lips together and shifted his weight from his toes to his heels and back, “Yes. My apologies.”  
Nia sighed, she handed him a gift with his name on it, “What if you hand out the gifts next round, okay? That way you can hand them out in the order you planned,” she kissed his cheek.  
In the past few years, Nia had learned how to deal with his quirks whether she liked them or not.

Brainy handed Nia a small package but kept another present in his hands while she unwrapped.  
From Lena’s position, she couldn’t tell what Nia was getting until her blushing face said, “You got me a key?”  
“Yes.”  
“What does it unlock?”  
From the corner of her eyes, Lena saw how Alex had trouble containing her laughter.  
Her face was reddened and she bit her fist.  
Brainy cleared his throat, “That is the key to my heart.”  
“Ow… Okay… That is really sweet,” Nia forced a smile, “What have you got there?”  
Brainy unwrapped his package, Lena had a clear view this time.  
He held out an iron, heart-shaped box with a keyhole in it.  
“This is my heart and you hold the key.”

Brainy could be so literally it made him unpredictable.  
The room grew silent in anticipation of finding out what was in the box.  
Even Alex’s laughter was replaced by silent curiosity.

“What’s in the box?” Nia quoted.  
“A Seven reference. That is clever. It is not a head, you do not have to fear,” he consoled her.  
Nia chuckled endeared as she turned the key.  
“What is it?” she looked confused at the content of the heart.  
“This is a microchip. I uploaded all my favorite memories with you too. It is a copy of course because I did not want to forget our moments myself.”  
Nia kissed his lips, “That is… surprisingly romantic,” she smiled.  
“Yes. I have Alex to thank for that. She advised me to give you the key to my heart.”

“You did not plan on him turning your shitty advice into something special, did you?”  
Lena had shuffled sideways to mock Alex about her failed joke.  
Alex shook her head, “Nope.”  
“You can be such a jerk!”  
“Shut up, Luthor!”

Eliza brought Lena and Kara gifts for the baby, she was determined to become the spoiling kind of grandmother.  
She was glowing with pride at every tiny piece of clothing Kara and Lena unpacked.  
Kara’s smile was slowly fading as her gaze got pulled to the corner of the room.  
Lena followed Kara’s line of eyesight and found an auburn-haired woman, forcing a smile between her tears.  
She looked lonely and sad because of the way she was hugging herself, only allowing Kelly to caress her back.  
When Eliza’s gaze also found her daughter, Alex excused herself and found shelter in the hallway, outside of the apartment.  
Kelly went after her but was stopped by Kara who took that role upon her.

Apart from the ominous sounds of a classic version of ‘Carol of the Bells’ heavy silence clouded the room for a few thick moments.  
“I like the angel on top of the tree with the Supergirl cape,” Ruby broke the stillness.  
After that, all focussed on just one or two persons to escape the awkwardness.

Lena scooted closer to Eliza on the couch, “Thank you for wanting to be her grandmother.”  
“Of course, this is going to be my first grandchild. I will spoil her rotten,” Eliza offered Lena a soft smile.  
“And I can’t express how grateful I am, but… Alex is being really supportive and she is a great friend even though she longs for motherhood so deeply. Is it okay with you if we unpack the rest of the gifts in private? I don’t want to rub it in her face… I think she longs to share upcoming parenthood with you.”

Lena had a hard time expressing her feelings with Eliza for she was so thankful her child would have loving grandparents, something she never had.  
Lillian’s parents had rejected her and called her the daughter of a whore.  
Of Lionel’s parents, she had no memory, same goes for her grandparents from her mother’s side.  
Her little bean gets to spend time with grandma Zor-El and grandma Danvers.  
Tomorrow she and Kara are meeting the Deys for a high tea because Lena believes they would be amazing grandparents.

“Oh honey,” Eliza sighed, “I’ve thought about Alex… I am looking forward to the day she will tell me she has adopted a child, but I have two children. And I am allowed to be happy for Kara without feeling bad for Alex.”  
Lena frowned her brows, even though she couldn’t disagree with Eliza, she still felt compassion for Alex.  
“I am saving a family heirloom for Alex, I hope that is okay with you?” she reassured Lena.  
Lena nodded, “Y-Yes, of course, it is,” with relief she suggested, “Maybe you should go and talk to her.”

The other guests decided to continue with the presents while the Danvers ladies took some family time.  
Sam unwrapped a gift from Lena which left her confused.  
In her hand, she held a name sign, “I already have a CFO nameplate at my door…” she noted confused.  
“I-I know… I’m offering you the position permanently!” Lena explained.

The idea of keeping Sam close to her as a business partner as well as a friend had been brewing in her mind for a while.  
She couldn’t imagine how much time she still would spend at L-Corp after giving birth, but with Supergirl as a co-parent, working 60 to 80 hours a week must be out of the question.  
There was no one she trusted her company with as she trusted Sam.  
When it came down to business, she and Sam functioned as one brain.  
Calling Sam had been one of the best decisions she made since she broke up with William.  
Sam had not only been a blessing to L-Corp, she had also been a blessing to Lena personally.  
She became Lena’s go-to person after Kara, in some cases even before Kara.  
“Don’t go, I’m lonely…” those words had haunted Lena’s thoughts ever since a rather tipsy Sam dropped them on her.  
Lena realized it would be impossible for Sam to be open to new relations in National City if her position was, again, just temporary.

“I want you to stay as my partner at L-Corp. You have been so good for my company! And… for purely selfish reasons...” Lena fidgeted with her fingers, “I just hope my friend would stay...”  
Sam cracked a smile, “You know it’s not very professional to offer a friend a permanent position at your company over a private Christmas party!”  
Lena wove her off, “Blame it on the hormones!” She switched to her CEO poise as a joke, “Ask Eve to make an appointment with me to discuss your functioning and position at L-Corp for next week!”

While Brainy was serenading the stiffest version of ‘All I want for Christmas’ Lena had ever heard, Alex nuzzled herself between Lena and Kelly on the couch.  
“You okay?” Kelly mouthed towards Alex as she touched her knee.  
Alex nodded and turned her focus on Lena, “Thank you,” she mouthed and placed her head shortly on Lena’s shoulder who rubbed her cheek against Alex's head as a display of affection.

Kara had picked a little gift box from the pile to allow Nia and Brainy their moment together under the mistletoe.  
“Hey look! This one's for me!” she beamed.  
“Geez, what a coincidence!” Alex crossed her arms as she slumped against her chuckling fiance.  
Kara opened the little box with a chuckle while Lena watched breathlessly till she pulled out a key.  
“You told me how much you enjoyed riding a motorcycle… So I got you one!”  
Her mouth fell agape before she started stammering, “Lena, that is… I... Wow… Thank you.”  
Kara approached her from her standing next to the Christmas tree.  
“I also bought a sidecar for myself, so you can drive me around,” she was cut off with a kiss filled with gratitude greater than a peck on the lips.

Alex shoved them, “That is why we have the mistletoe in a dark corner of the room! So I don’t have to see the two of you chew each other's faces off!”  
“Alexandra!” Eliza corrected her, “Let your sister have her moment, this is their first Christmas together… Kara honey, there are more people in the room!”  
Eliza interfered with Kara when she climbed on Lena’s lap.  
“Aw sweety, you are just jealous your lips aren’t occupied,” Kelly distracted Alex and kissed her just as intensely.  
Lena pulled back giggling from the realization of how awkward this must be for all the other people in the room.  
“Can I see it?” Kara hopped off Lena.  
“It’s in our garage box at the penthouse. So… tomorrow?”  
Kara nodded, “Tomorrow, after the high tea.”

Lena could feel her stomach twitch at the mention of the high tea.  
Because Lena had been fond of papa and mama Dey, Kara had suggested meeting them the day after Christmas.  
They would make excellent grandparents, Lena was sure of that.  
She wanted to give the little bean all the love she missed out on as a child and that included grandparents.  
Eliza and Alura were amazing and that made Lena glad, but she wanted to give the Deys a chance as well.  
She was not going to face them alone for Kara would come with her to Nancy’s.  
Unsure if she was ready to face the Deys, she swallowed the dryness in her throat away.  
Kara would be with her and with her hero by her side, nothing could go wrong.

“Next present is for… Lena,” Nia handed over a lightweight, shoebox-sized present.  
This welcome distraction pulled Lena out of her thoughts.  
“That’s from me!” Kara squealed as she sat down at Lena’s feet.  
Kara’s proud face was adorable, her eyes twinkled in anticipation.  
With a chuckle, the Deys fully disappeared from her mind.  
“It’s meant for in the bedroom…” Kara gave as a hint, “But knowing you… you will use it all around the house!”  
The room suddenly went quiet which caused heat to rise to Lena’s cheeks.

Alex was the first to start the muttering, “Gross!”  
“Kara, please… there are children in the room!” Sam grunted between gritted teeth.  
“I’m not a child, mom! I can handle it!” Ruby corrected her.  
“Kara, dear… Maybe you should have waited with this gift until the two of you were in private,” Eliza suggested.  
“Luthor! Do you see what you did to my innocent, pure, little sister?” Alex nudged Lena playfully at her shoulder.

Lena tried to shut herself off from all the murmuring in the room.  
They made her unsure about opening the present in this company, but Kara was too innocent in public to do such a thing.  
She searched for answers in the face of her lover.  
Kara showed no doubt, her smile was so bright, Lena found confidence in her and pushed her embarrassment away.  
Despite all the reactions swirling around the room, Lena trusted her lover with all her heart.

When she opened the box, the content brought her to tears.  
“I knew you would like it!” Kara chuckled.  
Inside was a white with turquoise fabric and Lena knew in an instant what it was.  
“It’s the best gift ever!” Her lower lip trembled.  
Lena held the fabric in front of her to show everyone else in the room.

“She got you a motorcycle and you got her pajamas?” Alex blurted out.

Lena chuckled, “It’s not just a pajama, Alex. Look!” she pointed at the shooting star on the belly of the shirt, “It’s Wish Bear!”  
Alex seemed lost, she shook her head slowly not understanding why this childish pajama was so important.  
“Thank you, Funshine!” Lena bent down and gave her girl a quick kiss.  
“Did you know Funshine started as a female bear, but the franchise turned them into a male bear later on?” sharing random facts was something Lena took joy in doing.  
Nia cheered, “Trans rights! YES!”  
Kara beamed, “That is awesome!” she leaned in closer to Lena and said softly, “I might be a bit old fashioned then… I’m still a female Funshine.”  
“Trust me… I’m aware!” Lena chuckled.

“I’ve got more! But you needed to unpack your own first,” Kara pulled out a smaller gift.  
The flexibility and softness made Lena believe it was something like socks.  
She carefully unwrapped to find the cutest little white and green romper inside with a clover printed on the belly.  
“It’s for our Clover Bear!”  
The idea of her tiny human dressed in this adorable outfit overwhelmed her.  
Tears rolled over Lena’s cheeks as she corrected with a smile, “Good Luck Bear!”  
“Well… I guess she is our good luck charm, so… yeah… Also…” Kara’s cheeks turned pink, “It reminds me of Ireland and that is a part of you, which means it will also be a part of our little bean.”  
Lena slid down on her knees to give Kara the tightest hug she could possibly give her.  
“I love you so freaking much,” she sniffed.  
“D-do you like it?” Kara spoke softly in her ear.  
“It’s the best gift someone has ever gotten me… It’s personal… It’s us! And you…”  
Lena cupped Kara’s face, “You are just perfect!”

“Aw, so cute!” Sam reminded them the world outside the two of them still existed, “I can hear the sound of the fiddle swell.”  
Lena backed away from Kara immediately and sat down on the couch again, wiping her tears away. She couldn’t believe Sam called her out like that.  
Thankfully, nobody else knew about the inside joke the two friends shared, but it was enough to make Lena flush.

“According to Earthly custom, it is actually the violin that swells during a romantic scene in cinema,” J’onn explained to Sam.  
Sam sipped her glass of wine, “I’m pretty sure this is a fiddle,” she mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear.  
“The fiddle and the violin are actually the same instruments. The kind of music played on it determines the name. The term violin is used for classical music, while the fiddle is for folk, country, and bluegrass,” J’onn added more information to his previous statement.  
Sam pressed her mouth into a thin line and looked at Lena with her eyebrows pulled up high.  
“Yes. The fiddle is also an affectionate name some classical musicians use for their violin,” Brainy added to the conversation.

Kara looked at Lena with knitted brows, “Didn’t you have classical music lessons as a kid, Lena?”  
Without any words being formed, Lena opened and closed her mouth.  
Because Sam didn’t mean the actual instrument, Lena had trouble thinking about anything outside of Kara whenever the fiddle was mentioned.  
This joke was getting out of hand.  
“I imagine the Luthors being the kind of people who put their children through all kinds of posh lessons… Honey, are you okay? Your heart is racing.”  
“Y-Yeah… Just some Christmas excitement I suppose…” Lena lied.  
“Do you play the violin, Lena?” Kelly asked her.  
“I… prefer to call it a fiddle,” Lena stammered in embarrassment, leaving Sam in stitches.  
There was no lie.  
Lena did learn how to play the violin as a young Luthor.

Sam embraced Lena tight as she was the last to say goodbye to her, apart from the Danvers who stayed a little longer.  
“Thank you for inviting me. I had a wonderful Christmas.”  
“I was happy to have you.”  
They parted with a smile, “Ruby, you can let go of Alex now. We are going home,” she called for her daughter.  
“Sam, can I keep her?” Alex joked, rocking the teenager who was now just as tall as herself.  
Sam’s face flushed slightly as she stammered, “Eh… I… No, you can not keep my daughter.”  
“Wow, that totally lacked wit!” Lena noted softly so only Sam could hear.  
“Lena, don’t…”  
Lena didn’t waste the opportunity to get back at Sam and played the air fiddle in front of her which made Sam’s light blush turn into a deeper shade of pink.  
“You!” she pointed a threatening finger at Lena, “Okay, I guess I deserved that,” Sam sighed.

\-------------

Feeling exhausted from all the social interactions, Lena sat herself down at the dinner table.  
Two hands rested on her shoulders, softly rubbing the knots out of Lena’s muscles making her moan out loud.  
“Are you okay, Lena?” Kelly sat down across from her.  
She nodded with a content smile, “Yeah… I think this was my best Christmas ever.”

The entire evening had been filled with laughter, warmth, singing, jokes, and many shapes of love.  
The contrast with her childhood Christmas parties couldn’t have been greater.  
Christmas with the Luthors contained formal clothing, keeping up appearances for business associates, and being sent out of the room when she wasn’t needed as a family accessory anymore.  
Her best memories were of the few times she sneaked away to the kitchen, where the staff was celebrating their own Christmas with homemade gifts, leftovers, and laughter.  
Being with the staff felt naughty and something to be ashamed of, but she liked those people.  
It was like getting a glimpse of happiness.  
Like standing outside in the pouring rain, looking in through a window to witness the love, warmth, and safety of a family.  
Witnessing other people’s connection brought Lena joy, even though she believed this happiness was never meant for her.  
Over the years she lost the will to even try to get that Christmas feeling.  
Until now.  
This Christmas was perfect.

Eliza sat down next to Kelly, “I’m glad you’ve had such a good time, dear. Spending Christmas with my two girls and the women who make them so happy has been wonderful.”  
From behind Kelly, Alex wrapped her arms around her, “I’m a bit disappointed you didn’t join in on the karaoke, Luthor.”  
“Oh, no-”  
“That’s right, you didn’t even sing!” Kara interrupted in her enthusiasm, “What’s your favorite Christmas song?”  
“I don’t have to-”  
“What is your favorite song?” Kara asked again.  
Only one song had always matched her Christmas feeling, no matter if she was happy, sad, or scared, there was always a version of the song that matched her mood.

“I’ve always had a weakness for Carol of the bells...”  
Kara stopped massaging and beamed, “We can do that!”  
She started to sing right away, “Hark! How the bells. Sweet silver bells. All seem to say. Throw cares away...”  
To Lena’s surprise, Alex and Eliza joined in, proving this was not the first time they sang together.  
The harmonies they produced were like honey to her ears.  
She used to associate the song with a more ominous feeling, like the swelling of darkness.  
But these three Danvers women made the song sound like an embrace that kept them together as a family.  
In awe, Kelly couldn’t tear her eyes away from Alex.  
With a lot less confidence, Kelly started to sing along to the parts she knew.  
She didn’t sound as harmonious and trained as the Danvers trio, but the adding of her voice brought something fragile and inclusive to the song.  
For a moment, Lena remembered being that little child witnessing happiness instead of joining in.  
With that, she leaped.

“Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas. Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas. On on they send. On without end. Their joyful tone. To every home…”  
The five of them sang together for another verse.  
Tears filled Lena’s eyes while the heat generated through her body and the muscles in her face refused to stop smiling.

Kara kissed her jaw as soon as they were done with the song.  
“Oh! We sound go Carolling next year!” she suggested cheerfully.  
“NO!” Alex, Kelly, and Lena said in unity, making Eliza laugh at the spectacle. 

Lena had never thought of herself as a good singer, she still didn’t, but singing with the Danvers’ was about singing together.  
Besides… The two sisters sounded so good together, they compensated for her and Kelly being off-key.

“It is really nice to spend Christmas with my family,” Eliza smiled as she made sure to make eye contact with Kelly as well as Lena.  
“And next year… We will have an even bigger family,” Alex added, “With hopefully two new members!”  
“Two?” Eliza asked for clarification.  
“Yes… Our first day as a married couple we are going to update our adoption paper, hoping to get picked as parents soon,” Alex announced cheerfully.  
“Well, look at you, being all hopeful!” Lena teased Alex even though she was happy to see her that way.

“Talking about marriage…” Lena’s choice of words caused four sets of big eyes to fixate on her, “I want to pay for your wedding.”

Lena was already paying bills for them in secret, but she had to come clean one day.  
She decided to give this to them as a Christmas present.

“Absolutely not!” Alex reacted without missing a beat.  
Kelly remained silent but fixated her gaze at Lena with squinted eyes.  
“No, Lena. That is way too much!” Alex added.  
“To me, it’s just money-”  
“We have money! We can pay for our own wedding!” Alex raised her voice.  
Kara stood behind Lena and put her hand on her shoulder.  
“I know you can, but I just want you to-”  
Alex cut her off again, “You can’t just flex your money at everything, Lena. There are things, people have to do on their own!”

Lena lost her ability to speak.  
Her throat was dry and tight while her heart was racing.  
“Alex, calm down!... Please,” Kara begged.

Lena was trembling.  
What did she expect?  
An overjoyed couple?  
What was she thinking?  
Throwing money at them like she was some kind of rich goddess?  
Like they were poor subjects?  
She didn’t mean it like that.  
She could only think of that day Kelly entered her home.  
How she had completely wrecked the place and drank until she passed out the night before.  
How Kelly was able to break down her thick wall, brick by brick.  
How Alex and Kelly took her in when she was too lost to take care of herself.  
How Alex could distract her mind and make her smile again.  
They had sacrificed their room, their time, and their privacy to help her.  
She could never make that up to them.

Arms wrapped around her as Kara pulled her into a protective embrace.  
“You don’t always have to protect her, Kara.”  
Kelly placed her hand on Alex’s arm, “Darling… Please, hear Lena out. You are not mad at her and you know it!” The calm confidence in which she spoke had a hypnotizing effect on Alex who stood down in an instant.  
“Now… We are going to give Lena some room to calm down after your outburst and when she feels like it, we will listen!” Kelly instructed Alex.  
Alex bowed her head and walked ahead of Kelly, who shot a glance at Lena which made her feel validated. 

She sank into Kara’s arms, resting her head on Kara’s collarbone.  
“You know I didn’t mean to show off my wealth, right?” she whimpered.  
A third hand caressed her shoulder, “I don’t know you that well yet, Lena. But I can tell you mean well.”  
Lena gave her tears time to dry like she gave her heart time to calm down, which wasn’t hard in Kara’s strong arms.  
She pushed herself up, “You good to go?” Kara smiled at her.  
“Yeah,” she nodded.  
Kara kissed her forehead, “I’m right here by your side.”

“Before you start, I need to apologize…” Alex stopped Lena from starting to talk, “Ever since I left the DEO… I barely made any money. So we are living off Kelly’s paycheck alone and a few of my detective assignments, but those are not much… And when you offered to pay for our wedding… I guess my pride got in the way… I’m sorry.” 

Lena had no idea what it was like to worry about money, she has always been surrounded by money and grew up rich.  
She strongly believed nobody deserved to worry about the basics needed for living.

She nodded at Alex, “I’m sorry. It was never my intention to humiliate you… It’s just…”  
Lena sat herself down at the table in front of the couch where Alex and Kelly were sitting.  
“What the two of you have done for me… Taking me in when I was at my lowest… Taking care of me… Helping me through all my fears… Helping me heal… I can never show you enough how grateful I am for that! You gave me a room. You gave your time to me. You gave up your privacy for me. I owe the two of you so much…”  
Kelly put a hand on Lena’s knee, “That is what family does for each other.”  
Lena scoffed, “We weren’t even a real family back then. Kara and I had our struggles and misunderstandings. And to be honest, I don’t know if we would have made it as a couple if it wasn’t for you guys.”  
“Lena, we care for you. Both of you! Of course, we took you in! Besides… I think we grew a lot closer,” Alex admitted.

Lena sighed with a smile, “Please, allow me to pay for your wedding? I want that day to be the best it can be, without any financial limitations. That’s the least I can do… Please?”

Kelly and Alex turned their gaze away from Lena to look at each other.  
“Be honest, Alex. Can you say no to that face?” Kelly joked.  
Alex chuckled, “If you put it like that… We will be doing you a favor by accepting, don’t we?”  
Lena rolled her eyes, “Yes, Alex. You will be doing me a favor by letting me pay for your wedding!”  
“Thank you,” Alex said softly as she sat down beside Lena to take her into a warm embrace.

Eliza was staying with Kelly and Alex for tonight, so she could drive back to Midvale in the morning.  
As they were saying their goodbyes, Eliza took Lena apart.  
“Lena… What I can remember from when I was expecting Alex, is that I called my mother a lot. My body was changing, my hormones were everywhere and it was scary sometimes… On some days I got worried because Alex was moving so much, at others I couldn’t feel her at all and I freaked out. Jeremiah wasn’t the first I called… He has never been pregnant, he didn’t know. He would have worried too much or too little, but he wasn’t always able to comfort me.”  
Lena dropped her gaze, she was certainly not going to call Lillian for reassurance.  
That woman didn’t even know Lena was expecting a child and she would like to keep it that way.  
Sam was her go-to person for these things.  
“I can imagine you won’t contact your adoptive mother,” Eliza continued.  
“I have Sam,” Lena assured her.  
Eliza smiled, “I’m glad you have Sam. But if you ever need a second opinion, a different view, or somebody else to complain against… Or you need a mother figure… You can always call me.”  
Lena was awestruck which made her unable to react.  
Kara had always spoken with love about her foster mother’s warm heart, which Lena was catching a glimpse of.  
To her surprise she got pulled into a hug, “You don’t have to, Lena. Just know that you can!”  
Lena sank into the mother and returned the embrace.  
Kara was right, Eliza felt safe.  
“You are important to my daughter… Well, both of my daughters apparently… That makes you important to me as well.”  
Eliza loosened her grip, but Lena wasn’t ready to let go yet.

The love of a mother had always been something mythical to Lena.  
She is almost certain her birth mother loved her, but it’s hard to remember for she was so young when she passed away.  
Lena knew she was sensitive to motherly love and could easily be deceived by it.  
Rhea showed her affection and used her for her own battle plan.  
Lillian had used Lena so many times for her own gain, but every time Lena wanted to believe she was genuine and she could be loved by a mother.  
The Lillian from this Earth made it easy for her, she has never raised her.  
Mama Dey gave her such a warm welcome, but she made her believe William had no blame for her pain.  
Lena liked Alura, but Alura has caused Kara a lot of pain and suffering in the past.

Eliza was different.  
Two of Lena’s favorite women were raised by her.  
This woman was willing to take Lena in her arms as one of her own.  
She didn’t even need to say it out loud, Lena could feel the acceptance. 

\--------------------------------------------------

Nancy’s tea room was a busy place the day after Christmas.  
The skillful decoration gave it a little extra, which was certainly one of the reasons so many people liked to be here.  
William had made a reservation as soon as Lena canceled Christmas eve but suggested lunch the day after Christmas.  
Fortunately, the Deys hadn’t arrived yet, which gave Kara and Lena time to adjust to their surroundings and get comfortable.

Lena had talked to Kara about meeting the Deys.  
Christmas eve was not a moment she wanted to spend with her former family in law.  
Mr. and Mrs. Dey had traveled all the way from England not only to celebrate Christmas with their son but mainly to celebrate their grandchild.  
Mama Dey had talked about a grandchild the first moments she had alone with Lena on her honeymoon.  
Lena knew all about her desire to become a grandmother, just as her desire to be a mother had driven her into the arms of a man who treated her badly.  
It would be cruel to leave a woman like that out of her grandchild’s life.

Besides Kara’s mother on a faraway planet and Kara’s foster mother…  
The little bean would have no grandparents for Lena was certainly not going to include Lillian.  
Lena didn’t want that evil woman near her child for nothing good would come out of that connection.  
Even though Mrs. Dey has a blind spot for her son, Lena is convinced she would be an amazing grandmother.  
Mr. Dey is a man who has proven himself to be more honorable and valuable than Lena gave him credit for back in the day.  
With Kelly’s help, she realized his role in her life was a crucible one.  
Without his interference, she and William were at risk of sinking into a black hole together.  
In a way, he saved them both. 

“I’m looking forward to seeing Mr. Dey again,” Lena admitted out of the blue.  
She broke the silence that surrounded them since their arrival at the U-shaped booth.  
Until the Deys would arrive, Lena still had the possibility to nuzzle herself against her girlfriend without it being provoking to her former family in law.

Kara had placed a protective arm around Lena from the moment they sat down as a shield prepared to absorb every hit.  
“Yeah… I’m kinda curious about him too. He was good for you.”  
Lena sank into Kara’s arms, “Yeah, he was…” she sighed.  
“Are you okay?” Kara checked with her voice as soft and soothing as an angel must sound like.

Lena had no idea what seeing the Deys again would do to her.  
Kelly had warned her about triggers and advised her to postpone upon talking to the Deys about their grandchild, they could wait until Lena was ready.  
At first, Lena wanted to follow Kelly’s advice, but the closer she got to contacting William, the guiltier she felt.  
Kara had supported her all the way.  
She had suggested following Kelly’s advice, but if her heart told her differently, she would be by her side every step along the way.  
That promise gave Lena all the confidence she needed to meet with the Deys.  
As long as Kara would be by her side, nothing could go wrong.

“I will be when this is over,” she smiled at Kara who kissed her lips in response.  
Kara nodded, “It’s for a good cause.”  
Getting lost in Kara’s sapphire blue eyes was a waste of time Lena never felt sorry for.  
Their bond was so strong at moments like these, no words needed to be spoken.  
They both wanted to be there as much as they didn’t want to be there.

“I’m proud of you, you know that?”  
Lena knitted her brows, “What do you mean?”  
“Well…” with her free hand, Kara drew figures on Lena’s tight, “You are not meeting with them for you. You do it for your little bean. It’s totally selfless and I love you for that.”  
“I love you too,” Lena smiled, “And I am glad you are supporting me like this. You are amazing, you know that?”

“Lena, darling!” the British accent that pierced her ears tensed her muscles immediately.  
She squeezed Kara’s hand before she scooted out of the booth to greet the family.  
Mrs. Dey strolled towards Lena to pull her into a quick hug.  
Before Lena realized what was happening, two hands were already pushed against her belly and the elderly woman was greeting her stomach with the creepiest, high-pitched voice she ever heard.  
Lena was repulsed by the violation of her personal space Mrs. Dey brought upon her.  
Kara was the only one allowed to touch her like that.  
She jolted back so fast she nearly lost her balance.  
Thankfully she is in a relationship with a fast and strong Kryptonian beauty who steadied her with an arm wrapped around her waist.  
Kara maneuvered herself between Lena and Mrs. Dey, shielding her girlfriend from more unwanted touches.  
She held out her hand as a friendly gesture, “Hello, you must be Mrs. Dey. My name is Kara, we’ve met at the wedding,” she introduced herself.  
Without even acknowledging Kara’s presence, she slipped out of her coat and handed it to her son, “William, dear. Would you be so kind to hang my coat?”

Mr. Dey took Kara’s hand instead and introduced himself, “Kara, I heard much about you.”  
“Not all bad, I hope?!” Kara made a joke, but Lena could hear the quiver in her voice.  
He shook his head, “You have nothing to fear from me.”

His expression softened even more, when his attention shifted, “Lena.”  
He opened his arms for her, his safety pulled her in like a magnet.  
Embracing the older man, Lena thought that if she would be able to pick out any father in the world, it would have been him therefore she was happy her daughter would have this man as a grandfather.  
“You look good, Lena. Are you happy?” He asked her so softly the question was only meant for her ears.  
“She nodded, “I am… Thank you!”  
“Good!” he caressed her back.  
Tears of gratitude filled her eyes.  
“I’m sorry… Hormones!” She stated as they parted.

William came back and greeted Kara with a handshake, but pulled Lena into an embrace she wasn’t comfortable with in front of Kara.  
She pulled away as quickly as possible, “Ah, yes. Good to see you too,” she stammered while dodging his gaze. 

William slid himself to the bottom of the U-shape, which made Kara decide to glide in first so she could function as a human shield between William and Lena.  
With papa Dey across from Lena, she was sitting at the safest spot possible. 

Meeting the Deys was an uncomfortable experience.  
The waiter had taken their order while Mrs. Dey dominated the conversation.  
She fired questions about the pregnancy at Lena like she was holding an interview.  
“How far along are you?” was one of the most innocent questions asked.

“I felt her move for the first time a couple of days ago,” Lena had to smile when she answered, not because of the friendly conversation, but because of the memory of the wonderful moment, she shared with Kara.  
Kara smiled affectionately at her which made a warm blush creep up on Lena.  
Every time she looked into Kara’s eyes it was as if the Deys just disappeared and only the two of them remained.  
Those sapphire blue’s were her escape from the rest of the world.  
They were pure, love, strength, and warmth.

Mrs. Dey cleared her throat louder than necessary, which got the girlfriends out of their security.  
“That is wonderful, Lena. That means we will be able to feel the baby move as well in a couple of weeks,” she clapped her hands together, almost maniacally cheerful.  
“I’m sorry… We?” Kara intervened.  
Mrs. Dey kept her gaze fixated on Lena, “Henry and I are staying with William until after our granddaughter is born and you certainly can’t deny a grandmother and a father the pleasure of feeling the baby move?”

Lena was still stunned by this assumption when Kara spoke up, “Excuse me? It’s still Lena’s body and she decides who touches her and who doesn’t!”  
Mrs. Dey’s eyes got distracted by Kara’s presence for less than a second.  
“I let my mother feel William when he was still in my belly,” she continued talking to Lena as if Kara was not even there.  
“Your mother?!” Lena found the words to react, “May I remind you that I don’t have a mother, Mrs. Dey?!” 

Lena was furious, not only for the lack of respect this woman had for her boundaries but also for the dirty eye she shot at Kara.

“You can call me mama, dear. We have talked about this,” Mrs. Dey spoke with a sickeningly sweet voice, “You may have divorced my son, but I’m sure we can work that out.”  
“Mom, that’s not-” William tried to speak up.  
“That’s okay, Willy. Lena may have hurt you, but I know you still love her...”  
“Oh no…” William sighed as he hid his face behind his hand and slumped in his seat.  
He looked so humiliated, Lena felt sorry for him.  
“And I’m sure Lena will make that up to you. You are having a child together after all.”

A slight crack was heard and Lena could feel her seat shift beneath her.  
Kara had splintered a piece of the wood in her fist.  
She grabbed her hand tight, laced their fingers, and rubbed her thumb over the back of Kara’s hand.

Lena wanted to tell her Kara was hers and how much she loved her.  
She wanted to tell Mrs. Dey that Kara was going to be the mother of her child no matter what she said or did.

The waiter interrupted with an offering for more service.  
Mrs. Dey explicitly ordered four drinks with a friendly smile as if they had all agreed upon it.  
Lena could have sworn she heard a muffled sigh coming from papa Dey, who had been focussed upon the menu and his plate just like he had done most of the time during Lena’s stay with them.

“So… Kara… I heard you were working on that article about that Alien gang?” William tried to make conversation with Kara, who nodded slightly in response.  
“They call themselves The AK warriors. A probably stands for Anti, but I haven’t figured out what the K means yet.”  
Kara’s hand got softer under Lena’s touch as she spoke to William.  
The effort he made to include Kara meant a lot to her.

“Maybe Kryptonian?” William thought out loud.  
Shocked by his suggestion, Lena searched for reassurance in Kara’s expression.  
“Ow… Ah… Yes, that is possible…” Kara stammered.  
“One of my sources informed me about a black market where they sold Kryptonite. I understood that is one of the few things that can seriously harm Supergirl… If those AK Warriors have their hands on them, she might be in danger... Since you can get in contact with her, you might want to warn her about that?” His voice was loud enough for Kara to hear, but Lena had to focus to understand.  
“I will… Thank you,” Kara gave him a crooked smile.

Without thinking, Lena leaned into Kara and kissed her shoulder.  
Her heart was beating violently in her chest.  
People, Aliens, or humans were actually planning on hurting Kara.  
If only they knew how wonderful she was, nobody would dare to touch her.

The drinks arrived, but before Mrs. Dey could open her mouth, Mr. Dey cut in, “Oh, no not for me. Thank you!”  
Mrs. Dey was taken aback for a moment, but she recovered quickly.

“So, have the two of you thought of a name yet?” Mrs. Dey asked.  
Relieved that Kara was finally acknowledged, Lena lost some of her tension with a sigh.  
She looked at Kara to make clear she wanted her lover to answer the question.  
Kara smiled at Lena when she started to answer, “Well… We haven’t talked about it yet. But I’ve been going through some names...” she admitted with a twinkle in her eyes.  
Lena’s nose scrunched in adoration.

She had a name in mind, but she had no idea when the right time was to discuss it.  
Lena was sure that the talk was closer than she thought it was this morning.

“I’m sorry, girl. I was talking to my son and daughter in law. William darling, have you got a name yet?” her venomous words were a violating contrast to the friendly tone in which she spoke.  
William’s face was reddening, “Mother, that really isn’t my place. I would love to share my thoughts with them, but it’s up to Kara and Lena,” his voice was trembling and Lena could feel her heart melt at the honesty in his words.  
Mr. Dey gave his son an encouraging smile.

“She is not your daughter in law anymore!” Kara spoke up, “Her child will carry your son’s genes and we want our child to have a father and grandparents. But we are NOT obligated to include you in our daughter's life!” she spat while she talked to Mrs. Dey.

Lena knew it was time to go, Kara couldn’t take any more of Mrs. Deys taunting and humiliating.  
She held her hand up to sign for the check.

Mrs. Dey continued tormenting Kara relentlessly, “This whole act the two of you have been playing has lasted long enough. I get that Lena needed to get this phase out of her system after she got her ass whooped for cheating. But you are nothing to this child. NOTHING!” Mr. Dey tried to calm Mrs. Dey down who lost her sickening sweet tone completely.

The building was trembling like an earthquake.  
People started to scream, but Mrs. Dey and Kara were too caught up in their argument to even bother.  
Lena saw Kara’s leg shaking furiously, while more of the bench splintered between her fingers.  
She quickly took action by placing one hand on Kara’s back and the other at her bouncing leg.  
The earthquake stopped as Kara stilled her leg at Lena’s consoling touch.

“Don’t make yourself illusions about raising this child. Not my grandchild! You are just a friend to the mother, nothing more!” Mrs. Dey was still coming for Kara.  
Kara was absorbing all her foul words with gritted teeth and tears in her eyes.

“That’s it, we are leaving!” Lena announced with a glance at Mr. Dey.  
His saddened face nodded in understanding.

Lena pulled Kara out of the booth and dragged her behind her.  
From the corner of her eye, Lena could see how Mr. Dey stopped his wife from following them.  
Kara stormed past Lena out of the tea room, “I’ll get your coats, go after her!” she heard William’s voice from behind her.

Lena followed Kara into the alley next to Nancy’s and witnessed her punch a crater in the ground.  
She kneeled in the snow next to Kara.  
“I’m so sorry, my love,” she wrapped her arms around Kara and pulled her close.

She was sorry Kara had to go through Mrs. Dey’s bullying.  
She was sorry they decided to meet the Deys for a high tea.  
She was sorry their lives were forever connected to Mrs. Dey through their child.  
She was sorry Kara got hurt.

Kara was panting heavily, “Why didn’t you say anything?” she cried, “Why didn’t you stop her?”  
Lena was stunned.  
She didn’t know she should have or could have stopped Mrs. Dey.

Coats were draped over them by William, but he quickly retreated to give the two the space they needed.

Kara suddenly stood up, “I’m sorry. I have to go.”  
With her sleeve, she furiously wiped the tears from her face.  
Lena grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving and to pull herself up.  
As on her own accord, Kara helped her up.  
“Please, don’t Kara… Let’s go home, together,” tears welled in Lena’s eyes.  
She was convinced they needed each other now.  
Kara couldn’t leave her in this state.  
Lena clung on to Kara’s biceps as if her life depended on it.

“No… No…” Kara shook her head, “That’s not it.”  
She swallowed thick, “Alex needs me… They need my help, Lena!”

Fear struck Lena for she realized, Kara was far too emotional to fight a gang whose sole purpose was to take her life.  
“No…” she begged Kara not to go.  
Kara restlessly shifted her weight between her feet, “I have to, Lee. You know I do,” an uncontrollable sob followed.

Lena knew she had to go, Kara was right about that.  
This was who she was and this is what loving a Superhero meant.

While tears streamed down her face she nodded.  
Her hands palmed Kara’s face, “You’ve got your shield?”  
With a sniff, Kara nodded.  
They rested their foreheads against each other, “Good… You promise me, you’ll come back alright?... Promise me!”  
“Alright… yeah… I’ll come back to you. I always come home to you!” Kara’s breathing was calming down.  
“Now, you get this stupid mistake of a high tea out of your mind! It’s not important. You are important and I am and our little bean is!” Lena motivated her, “And I love you with all of my heart, Kara!”  
“I love you too!” Kara kissed her quick but fiercely.

Kara turned to look at William, who answered to her glare, “I’ll bring her home safely!” he promised.  
She ran away from them, deeper into the alley, and disappeared out of sight when she turned a corner.

Lena had never experienced so much fear of losing her to a Supergirl mission before.  
As her throat narrowed, she gasped for air.  
The walls of the alley closed in on her in a twirling motion.  
Her limbs trembled out of control.  
She became lightheaded.  
Her knees gave in as gravity pulled her down.

Two strong arms prevented her from hitting the ground.

“I’ve got you!” He said.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holliday Season to all of you!
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> Comments are always appreciated.


	21. Happiness after me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lena was left in the alley next to Nancy's, William brought Lena home.  
> He stayed to take care of her and they killed time by talking about how things went between them.

She was numb.  
On her way home she had worried about Kara, her throat had been dry and narrow, her head had pounded, her vision was blurry and her body was shaking.  
William had supported her and laid her down on her couch.  
And now she was being pulled into a gaping hole of emptiness.

“Here, drink.”  
William helped her to sit up and drink a glass of water.

Lost for words she stared ahead without seeing what she was looking at.

William shook her lightly, “Come on Lena, you have been like this for half an hour now…”  
He had tried several things to get her out of that empty state of mind.  
He had given her time and space by leaving her alone for a while.  
He had tried to distract her.  
He held her hand while caressing her.

Nothing seemed to trigger her to react until he said, “I… I have some informants close by, do you want me to keep you updated on Supergirl?”

Her head jerked in his direction, “You… I mean… Why would I want that?”

With a soft smile, he ensured her, “It’s okay. I’ve had a hunch for a while, but now I’m sure.”  
Lena inhaled sharply as she pulled her hand out of his.

William knowing Kara’s true identity might cause problems.  
Lena instantly feared he would use that knowledge against them.  
He might bring Kara in danger or try to take their little bean away.

With a protective hand on her belly, she backed away.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell a soul! I swear.”   
He searched for her eyes as he took a step back which made him less threatening.  
“This can stay between us. Kara doesn’t even have to know that I know.”

“Why do you think Kara is Supergirl?” Lena was suspicious about his motives.  
William took a seat on the chair further away from Lena and started to explain.

“First, she is the closest reporter to Supergirl. Where nobody can get in contact with her, Kara always knows how to reach her. Plus, they have similar features,” he started explaining.  
Now that Lena knew, the resemblance was remarkable, but at the time she didn’t see it or didn’t want to see it.  
“Second,” he continued, “all her excuses for family emergencies, a tip she got, remembering she still had food in the oven… All those times Supergirl showed up. When I paid closer attention to her coincidental disappearances compared to the times Supergirl got in action, there was a pattern.”  
Lena was patiently hearing him out while her mind was running over possibilities to talk him out of this idea.  
“If I was right about Kara being Supergirl, I had to warn her about what I knew about the Kryptonite! I got that chance at Nancy’s and I took it. If she wasn’t Supergirl, this was just some information for her story and I helped her as one reporter to another.”  
Glad that he warned her, Lena nodded understanding.  
“Her reaction told me I could be right about her identity… Your reaction confirmed my hypothesis without a doubt,” he pointed out with that smug grin on his face he always had when he turned out to be right.

Lena wanted to protest.  
She wanted to let him know he was wrong.  
She wanted to tell him she was only reacting that way because… because…   
She couldn’t think of anything else than fearing for her life because she was Supergirl.  
She wanted to know Kara was safe above anything else.  
“Give me an update on Supergirl,” she demanded in a rash decision.

William didn’t waste time in calling his connection and asking him for updates on the live situation.

Lena fidgeted with her fingers as William was humming and nodding at the phone.  
The call barely lasted longer than one minute but it seemed like an eternity.  
When he hung up Lena sat up straight in expectation of horrible news or reassurance.  
Before she could even ask, William gave her the answer.

“My informant didn’t know how the fight started, but there are a lot of people fighting. Supergirl is in a power ranger kind of outfit, but the Kryptonite doesn’t seem to affect her.”  
“Of course not! That’s the Kryptonite suit I made for her. It is supposed to protect her from Kryptonite,” Lena felt insulted by him belittling her suit to a Power Rangers costume.  
He smiled at her, “That explains it. Anyway, her team is fighting with her now and Supergirl seems to be beating that gang with ease. He called it, a bad day to mess with Supergirl. She appears to be less in control and more aggressive than normal… He will keep me posted.”

“Of course she is more aggressive. You know the anger she is letting out is meant for your mother right?!” Lena’s voice was harsh.  
When she thought back to the way Mrs. Dey treated Kara, she would be delighted to punch the woman herself.  
“Your mom was way out of line!”  
His gaze dropped and he spoke with a soft tone, “I know.”  
“She had no right being so cruel to Kara.” Lena was raising her voice with every sentence she spoke.  
“I know.”  
“She ignored her, William!”

The numbness that weakened her ever since the car ride had made room for burning fury.  
In the tea room, she was caught off guard by Mrs. Dey’s behavior.  
Now that she knew Kara wasn’t wounded and her suit was holding against all that Kryptonite, there was room for anger.

“She called her nothing... NOTHING! Fuck, William… I did nothing to defend her!” tears welled up in her eyes as she screamed her words at him.  
“Kara was so sad the kid wasn’t hers, but she loves her anyway. All the way! But… Fuck, I didn’t stick up for her… Why didn’t I?”  
With a trembling lip, she dropped her head.

“It all happened so fast, Lena. Please, don’t blame yourself!” he reassured her.  
His face was kind and understanding as he looked at her, there was no judgment in his voice and his upper body was bent forward. 

Lena and Kara had met with the Deys for the sake of their little bean, so she could have a father, a grandfather, and another grandmother.  
They wanted their kid to have it all for they both missed out on so much.

They sat in silence, which allowed Lena to calm herself down.  
“Would you mind if I make us some tea?” William asked.  
Lena shook her head, “I put everything back where it used to be.”  
He knew his way around her kitchen before they moved in together, so he wouldn’t have any problem finding what he needed.

Hearing him in the kitchen was surprisingly comforting.  
Her muscles started to relax and she released a big sigh.  
The ease in which she was slipping into a calming bliss scared her.  
Kara was fighting for the city, for her life even, in a wounded state of mind and she was sitting comfortably at home while her ex-husband was making tea in the kitchen.

“Any news on Supergirl?” she asked.  
She did not dare to look at him while he went through his phone.  
“Just a confirmation that they are still fighting, but he is further away now because the fight was so heatened, it was too risky standing as close as he did.”  
“Oh…” Lena knew that couldn’t be a good sign, it meant Kara was not having an easy fight.

William put a cup of tea in front of Lena, “You really love her, don’t you?”   
Lena nodded, “I really do,” not wanting to provoke him, she spoke softly.  
She didn’t expect him to smile at her as he did.  
“You’re not mad?” she wondered.  
He kept their eye contact when he shook his head, “I’m glad you found each other.”

Unsure how genuine he was, Lena knitted her brows.  
“I still care for you,” he started to elaborate, “but the way you look at her... I can’t recall you ever looking at me like that.”  
His eyes got teary, “I’m glad you found that kind of love.”  
“T-thank you.” Lena was confused.

She kept a watchful eye on him as she sipped her tea.  
A while ago he wanted her back and said he still loved her, why was he glad she loved Kara like she never loved him?

He turned his gaze away from her and slumped in his seat.  
“Do… Do you want to talk about it?” he asked while his focus turned to the cup in his hands.  
“About what?” he wasn’t going to ask about her love life with Kara, was he?

“About what happened between us…” his voice was so soft Lena had to strain herself to hear him.  
“I… I don’t know if I want to relive that again, Will. I’m sorry. I just want to move on from that.”  
He was looking so vulnerable as he nodded understanding, Lena felt sorry for him.   
On an impulse, the words came out, “Maybe we can both move on after we have talked.” 

Big eyes looked at her after his head jerked up from the change of mind.  
She couldn’t take it back, she had thrown herself in the deep.  
“On one condition!” she added and he nodded eagerly, “If I don’t want to talk about it anymore, at any moment, you stop! And if I don’t want you in my house anymore, you leave!”  
“Of course!” he agreed without any hesitation.  
“Don’t make me regret this.”  
She knew he could never agree to that for that was out of his control.  
Still, he promised her everything.

“Do you think we are ready to be fully honest with each other?”   
She scoffed, “If you think you can handle it.”   
Because this confrontation was terrifying but necessary, Lena bluffed her confidence.  
Like William, she also wanted to leave it all behind and that’s why they needed to have this conversation.  
Not talking would mean they had to sit awkwardly together or she would have to show him the door.  
By showing him the door, she would be alone waiting for news about her loved one and that would be torturous.   
She promised herself to let him talk and sit back, when she felt like reacting she would.

Lena tugged her feet under her and curled up in the corner of the couch to get herself comfortable and patiently waited till William found the courage to talk.

He took a deep breath and released it slowly, “As you know, I dated Kara. She never liked me as much as I liked her, but I had to take my chance with a woman like that.”

This conversation started very differently from what Lena expected.  
She braced herself for a description of why he became mad and how it was her fault.

“During our time together she talked about you. Sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes she blamed herself... I figured you had to be more than a friend to her, you held her heart while mine got broken. I took some distance from Kara in the hopes that she would contact me but instead, she found you again. Even though I was sad, I still enjoyed being in her company at work and being her friend. Kara is a warm and fun person to be around.”  
The way he spoke about Kara made her feel so warm inside that a smile appeared on her face.

“And then I was sent to interview the woman responsible for my broken heart. I knew you were gorgeous because I had seen you before. I was nervous but you were so captivating and nice to talk to. I got why Kara loved you. I was impressed by you from the start. I was like a little schoolboy admiring this great pop star. You were so high above me, yet you showed interest in me.”

Lena had always thought of them as equals, she never realized he thought so highly of her.  
He told her about the beginning of their relationship and how he grew into the idea that she wasn’t a dream and their relationship could be more than temporary.

“Your friendship with Kara was very important to you, I knew that. I feared you’d also love her more than you loved me, but you gave me a reason to believe you’d always be mine. We moved in together, you said yes…” He shook his head lightly. “You were so disappointed when Kara decided to have Christmas with her family in Midvale, you decided to work instead of celebrating with me. I accepted the place Kara took in your life and I convinced myself I had nothing to be afraid of because you were straight.”  
As if he was ashamed he had trouble looking at her.

“I had no idea you felt that way,” Lena admitted, “Why didn’t you say anything?”  
He shrugged, “Afraid that my fears would become real if I spoke them out loud, I guess.”  
She nodded and offered to get him some tea this time which gave him time to get himself together.  
Lena was doing exactly what she had planned, she was listening to him.  
Impressed by his vulnerability, her skepticism was drifting away.

“I stood there by the altar, minutes away from becoming your husband. I had never felt so lucky… And those minutes became more and seemed to last for hours. I was so afraid you ran away… With Kara.”  
A grip took hold of Lena’s heart for she knew she was kissing Kara and debating on becoming a runaway bride or not while he was anxiously waiting for her.  
“And there you were… The most beautiful being I had ever seen walking towards me at the arm of her best friend, looking like a couple. Still… you were going to marry me, so I had to be imagining things,” he smiled weakly.  
“I… I am sorry,” Lena fidgeted with her fingers.  
He corrected her, “No, I don’t mean to blame you. I’m trying to tell what got me to the point of losing my control… That I am convinced I will never hurt our little girl. And… That I somehow always knew the two of you belonged together, I just didn’t want to acknowledge that.”

Lena sighed and got herself comfortable again.  
“Okay… I’ll let you talk and listen without feeling guilty,” she gave him a crooked smile.  
“As you are supposed to,” he winked at her.

“When my mom suggested some kind of a three-way as a joke about your close friendship with Kara, all my fears got triggered. I yelled what I had been repeating in my mind like a mantra for so long to keep myself away from jealousy and paranoia… I shouted that you were straight… And then you excused yourself and left. That’s when I knew you weren’t and I was losing you.”  
His voice was trembling by now.  
“Mom told me you had no right to disrespect your husband like that and it was my job to let you know. Dad interfered and advised me to listen to you and be understanding and calm. But the truth is… I’m not calm like my father, I’m more like my mom… I mean… You know what I mean.”  
“I’m glad you are not like your mother,” she corrected him, even though she knew what he meant, “You are kind like your father.”

“I was relieved when you returned. But when we started arguing about Kara I followed my mom’s advice and demanded respect in the worst way possible. I panicked, I only saw a future for us without Kara… You refused. All the fears I had ignored turned out to be true. And I lost it.”

A nauseating feeling crept up on Lena as she thought back to that moment.  
How he dug his fingers into her arm and manhandled her roughly.  
How she lost her balance, felt pain, and lost her consciousness.  
She shook her head to get those images out of her head.

“You were lying on the ground and didn’t respond anymore… I got my mother and told her honestly what happened. She told me to pretend it had never happened because it would be a one-time thing so it wasn’t that bad. When I got back from getting you ice, she had already told you a lie and I went with it… But it was a boundary I crossed. Not only for you… but also for myself.”  
He dropped his head, “When you told me you had fallen in love with her, I lost myself. It was as if I stepped out and let someone take control who would protect me from the hurt. If my dad hadn’t stepped in… I don’t want to know what I could have done, it scares me.”  
Lena agreed with him, “In a way, your dad saved us both.”  
William found the strength to look at her again while big tears were rolling down his face.  
“Yeah… yes, he did.”

Lena processed his story in silence until he continued, “I think our break up has always been inevitable... It took me a while to realize and to let you go. But I started our relationship with fear. Fear that you would leave me. That you wouldn’t love me… Now I am confused about how much of us was actually true and what was all in my head.”

“I have loved you if that is what you mean… I truly loved you!” Lena answered, “I have always loved Kara, but she never answered my feelings. With the fight we had, I gave up on the idea of her. And then you came along. You made me feel desired and loved. There was nothing about you not to love… Until Kara kissed me and everything changed.”  
“We never should have married,” he concluded with a shy smile.  
“We shouldn’t have. But I couldn’t leave you at the altar, you deserve more respect than that,” Lena excused herself.  
“I’m kinda glad you didn’t. It would have been so humiliating,” he confirmed.

Maybe William was right and this was indeed what she needed to be able to let go.  
Mr. Dey’s words echoed in her mind, ‘nothing can justify hurting the person you love’ and it didn’t but his side of the story helped her to understand.  
He was a human again instead of an abuser.  
He was a man that made a mistake but he wasn’t a monster.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said.  
He nodded at her, “Are there things you want to say to me? Or ask me? Anything… I’m here now.”

There were a lot of things Lena wanted to say to him in different variations of emotions.  
From the empathy, she had for his side of the story to the anger about the pain he caused her.  
She started with what was closest to her heart.

“Your mother is a problem, Will. I care about your father, I really do. But I don’t want her to be the grandmother of my child,” Lena deadpanned.  
“I can’t have her talking shit about Kara to my daughter!”  
William gasped with widespread eyes.  
“I trust your father. I… I think you and Kara have some bonding to do… But your mother is a big no for me!” She decided on the spot.  
Lena had a strong feeling she didn’t need to consult this with Kara, their opinion on Mrs. Dey would be the same.

“You know being a grandmother is her greatest wish, right?” he hesitantly asked.  
Lena swallowed, “I know... But I have to protect my family! Her attitude towards Kara is not only devastating for Kara but it will also confuse my child if her grandmother talks about her mother like that. I won’t give her that opportunity.”

She held her breath as she observed William’s reaction.  
He sat frozen for a while until he nodded, “I understand… It’s just… I know where she is coming from.”  
“That doesn’t justify her behavior, William!” Lena was determined to let nothing change her mind about Mrs. Dey.  
William shook his head, “No… No, it doesn’t. I’ll tell my parents, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Telling him she would certainly not make this her problem was on the tip of her tongue.  
She swallowed her words as this was hard enough on him already and his offer to bring the bad news to his parents was generous.   
Instead, she gave him a single nod.

“I did love you.” Lena felt the need to assure him that, “And I’m happy to see the guy I fell in love with again.” As she heard the words coming out of her mouth she shook her head. “That came out wrong! I don’t want to give you the wrong idea…” she sighed, “I mean you are a good guy. A good guy who did a bad thing. And… I get that I had my share in that.” She dropped her head.

“Lena, no. This is not about blame. You shouldn’t blame yourself. This is just how things went,” he corrected her, “I’ve had a lot of conversations with my father and with my therapist. I used to blame you for my behavior, but that wasn’t fair. I see that now. I loved you so much and I still do, but we weren’t meant to grow old together. It was good while it lasted.”  
His voice consoled Lena’s insecurity.

“I never meant to hurt you,” Lena apologized.  
“I know. Yet we both did. The only difference is that what you did was inevitable, I should have controlled myself. We both could have made other decisions.”   
Thankful for his wise words Lena nodded.

Lena wanted to tell him what the consequences of his actions were.  
She wanted to let him know for such a long time but his side of the story tempted her to keep it to herself.  
Still, she owed it to herself to tell him even after his story.

Before she could talk she took a deep breath, “You made a mistake... A mistake that ripped open a scar from my childhood that has been bleeding ever since. I tucked that pain so far away, but you triggered it and made it hurt again. I… I don’t want to talk about it with you.” Lena hugged herself tight.   
Without looking at him she continued, “But the consequences your actions had on me went far beyond the physical pain. Not only did my ribs hurt for weeks, but I also had to deal with mood swings, anxiety, and numbness. I was mean to the people who were the kindest to me. I was lucky, so lucky, with the help I got from Alex and Kelly. Without them… I don’t know what would have become of me. Kara was there for me as well, but it was difficult. She had to deal with my fear, my self-blame, my anger, and my physical bruises,” Lena scoffed, “Sometimes it was like my bruises hurt her more than they hurt me.” 

Lena shed her tears.  
Tears for all the consequences.  
Tears for all her struggles.  
Tears for all the times she yelled at Alex and Kelly.  
Tears for all the times she was mean to Kara.  
Tears for Kara’s hurt.

“Can I sit next to you?” was all William asked her with a crack in his voice.  
He wasn’t a threat to her anymore, at least… He didn’t feel like a threat.  
She could use a friend close by.  
He was more like a friend to her now than her scary ex-boyfriend.  
So, she allowed him to come closer.

The silence that followed was a welcomed gift that allowed Lena to sink into the comfort of William’s presence. 

“Any news on Kara?” Lena dared to ask after a while.  
William went through his phone and shook his head, “My source lost sight of them… Do you want me to stay until there is news?”  
“Yeah… I don’t want to be alone.”

The two of them wasted time with small talk and baby talk, which made Lena more certain about having him in her daughter’s life.

“Have you thought of a name yet?” William informed.  
“Well… I was thinking about sticking to the Luthor tradition of the L… And I have a name I like, but I really want to tell Kara first.”

He smiled, “You told me Kara was sad about not being the biological parent… Was that even an option?”  
Lena chuckled because of how ridiculous it was to the human mind but William’s openness impressed her, “Since her biology is different, we didn’t know what was possible and what not. We found out the little bean had to be yours. Gosh… She was sure the kid had to be hers because she already loved it so much.”

Lena didn’t know what to think of his facial expression until he released a breath and flashed her a smile.  
“That is… pretty sweet actually.”  
The thought of all the love Kara tenderly showed for the baby made Lena blush.  
“Yeah, it is. I didn’t want to be a mother, I was so scared. Kara was so happy about the pregnancy even before I knew I was pregnant, that I grew confident we could do this together.” She caressed her belly lovingly. 

“She knew before you did?” he asked with surprise.  
Lena tapped her ear with her finger, “She heard the heartbeat.”  
William beamed, “That is truly amazing.”  
His enthusiasm made Lena giggle, “Yeah, I love it when she lays her head on my belly and just listens to the sound.”  
William swallowed and looked away.  
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be insensitive,” Lena apologized.  
“No, that’s okay.” His voice cracked. “That sounds lovely. I’m glad she makes you so happy.”

Unlike before, the silence between them was uncomfortable.  
Lena watched how William was restlessly shifting in his seat.  
He was carrying the heaviest loath of the weight.

“Did you have a name in mind?” She broke the silence for his sake.  
He started the conversation on the baby name earlier but the subject got lost as they trailed off towards Kara.

“To be honest, I thought of naming her after my mother but-”  
Lena got so triggered she didn’t let him finish, “You are such a mommy’s boy, Will! Grow up! Honestly, William, you’d be better off without her. That woman is toxic as hell!” Her words shot out like a rapid stabbing movement, “I don’t know how your father keeps up with her. She has a bad influence on you. I mean… How could she advise you to lie to me? What else does she tell you to do and how to think? That woman is so messed up, she fits best in an Asylum. You should stay far away from her for your own sake, William. She is-”  
“She is still my mother!” He cut her off so stern Lena was startled. 

He sharply exhaled through his nose, “Look… I understand that you don’t want her near our child. I respect that. But she is still my mother. Considering your daughter, you have a say in this. But you have no say in how I deal with my mother! That’s between me and her.” Even though his voice was raised slightly, he was in control of his emotions.

Lena froze and stared at him with big eyes.  
She was letting herself go and she let all the poisonous thoughts she had about Mrs. Dey out when he drew a line.  
His boundary came as much as a surprise to her as her own outing of hatred towards his mother.  
She was ashamed to admit that Mrs. Dey had triggered the worst in her.

“What I was trying to say before you interrupted me to speak your mind about my mother… After today, naming her after my mother is out of the question for me,” William continued as if he didn’t just correct Lena.  
Lena was thankful for the way he ignored her outburst.  
“I was also thinking it might be nice to give her an Irish name because that is a part of yourself you love but never had the chance to explore…”

His suggestion warmed Lena’s heart, “That isn’t such a bad idea… Do you have a specific name in mind?”  
“I thought you wouldn’t let me pick the name?” He smirked.  
Lena chuckled and faked her CEO poise, “I can always take your suggestion into consideration and consult it with the wife.”  
“The wife?” He grinned.  
“Oh, you know what I mean!” Calling Kara her wife had slipped out without thought.  
Laughter filled the air.

William kindly spread his arms and without reconsidering Lena scooted over and curled herself against him.  
She rested her head and hand on his chest.  
When he placed his hand on her shoulder she asked, “This isn’t weird, right?”  
William cleared his throat, “It doesn’t have to be if we don’t make it weird.”  
Lena nodded, “Let’s not make it weird then.”

With a deep sigh, sudden exhaustion hit Lena.  
Heavy eyelids were pulling her into a state of slumber.  
She had to wait for Kara, so she needed to stay awake.  
“I’m so tired,” she complained.

“Close your eyes for a while. My baby needs her sleep,” William encouraged her.  
“I’m not your baby,” Lena mumbled as sleep was pulling her in.  
“You are not, but that little human inside you is.”  
“Not your baby… Kara’s, mine… and yours,” she yawned, “I have to stay awake for Kara.”  
He caressed her shoulder, “Sleep. I’ll wake you up when there is news.”

“You promise?” The words got lost in her breath, yet he understood her anyway.  
“I promise!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.
> 
> I decided to cut the chapter I was writing in two.  
> So the next will be online within a couple of days, I will add some more fluff and sweetness to complete it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this Willena chapter.  
> He will leave within the three paragraphs the next chapter,   
> I promise.


	22. Reverse Uno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex walks in on Lena and William and jumps to conclusions.  
> The fight didn't end well for Kara.

Gently William shook Lena awake, “Lena, there is someone at the door. I think she's home.”  
Sleep held such a steady grip on Lena she had to force herself to wake up.  
William pulled his arm away from her, so he wasn’t embracing her anymore.  
With a grunt, Lena lifted her head from his chest.  
The door opened as she was pushing herself up.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Alex yelled.  
Lena tried to wipe the sleep from her face with the palm of her hand as she sat up.  
“What are you doing here?” The oldest Danvers sister was scolding from the doorway.  
The daze her nap had put her in finally faded away.  
“Where is Kara?” She mumbled. 

Lena was being ignored as William answered, “I brought Lena home and stayed with her because she needed a friend-”  
“Lena has friends and you’re not one of them!”

Lena blinked her eyes as she tried to get clarity on the situation she woke up to.   
A protective hand rested on her shoulder, “You have outstayed your welcome, William. Leave!”  
He jumped up and threw his hands up in defense, “Lena wanted me to stay.”  
“Lena is your ex-wife in a fragile state, you shouldn’t take advantage of her like that!” Alex bit at him.  
“I… I didn’t… Let me explain...” he stammered.  
Alex blew out a sharp breath through her nose, “You were sitting on the couch, holding my sister’s, sleeping, girlfriend in your arms… I’ve seen enough!”

William turned towards Lena, “I’m sorry about everything. We’ll keep in touch, okay?” He gave her a shy smile.  
Still recovering from her sleep Lena nodded.  
“The hell you won’t!” Alex stepped in front of Lena, forming a barricade between her and William, “I suggest you walk out that door by yourself!”

Lena couldn’t see his reaction because Alex blocked her view.  
The icy cold that radiated from Alex made Lena believe William would head out running.  
The closing of the door indicated he had left.  
Even though Lena felt a bit sorry for him, her priority was with Kara.

Confused about her absence she asked, “Where is Kara? Why isn’t she with you?”  
Alex’s hand was already on her forehead, “Lena, did he hurt you?”   
Lena shook her head as Alex moved her fingers to her wrist to check her pulse, “Were you drugged?”  
“No!” Lena jerked her hand away, “Alex, where is Kara?”  
“Why was he here?” Alex focussed her frustration with William's presence at Lena.

Alex ignored Lena’s question about Kara and demanded to know what William was doing at her home.  
Fear washed over Lena for not knowing how Kara was.  
Was Alex avoiding the subject deliberately?   
Was Kara hurt? Or worse?

“What were you doing with that scumbag?”   
“How is Kara?” Lena asked again as she crawled back on her feet.  
Alex dashed into Lena’s personal space, “You’d better not be cheating on my sister, Luthor!”  
Lena was annoyed by the irrelevant accusations Alex threw at her.  
“Where is she?” She came on strong as she was finally fully alert.  
“What was he doing here, Lena?”  
“Alex, how is she?” Even though Lena was the smaller of the two women, Lena stood tall.

Lena refused to answer Alex’s question, Kara was more important than that.

“Answer the question, Luthor! Why were you lying in the arms of your ex-husband?”  
“Tell me where Kara is!” Lena bit back at her before Alex’s words got through to her.

“She’s on her way!” Alex was the first to crack.   
She swallowed and took a step backward, “Please, Lena... Tell me you still deserve her,” she begged.

The gravitation of Alex’s worries dawned on her.  
“Nothing happened,” she answered shortly.  
Alex shook her head and squinted her eyes, when she opened them again tears were welling up, “You were in his arms, Lena… I love you, but I swear to god I would push you out of the window if you’d ever cheat on my sister!”

The scene Alex walked in on was a dubious one if taken out of context, Lena realized that.  
“I need more...” Alex frowned her brows.

Knowing Kara was on her way back to her gave her air to breathe.  
She sat back down and started talking.  
“The high tea was a disaster. William’s mom was a bitch to Kara and Kara left upset to fight those aliens who bought their Kryptonite at the black market, we just found out,” Lena rambled a short version of the events, “I was so worried I couldn’t stand on my feet anymore. William took me home and distracted me while waiting. I needed a friend. I needed a hug. I was scared and exhausted and he was there and he was kind to me. I fell asleep and he promised to wake me up as soon as he heard something. He woke me up when you unlocked the door, but I was too dazed to react properly. It was nothing more than that and it meant nothing more,” she assured her, “William is on our side and he knows how happy Kara makes me.”

Alex sighed, “Though I have an opinion about that, that doesn’t matter now,” she walked towards the balcony, “We had to tranquilize Kara, she was losing control over herself. She will be alright, but she is unconscious. J’onn can be here with her any moment now.”  
Lena shot to her feet, “What? What happened?”

Together they stood on the balcony, waiting for J’onn and Kara to arrive.  
The dark December evening sky made it near to impossible to see them approaching but they tried anyway.  
Lena wondered in what state she would see Kara but before she could ask J’onn landed next to them.

Kara was hanging limp in his arms.   
With her head dangling backward and her arms swaying beneath her she looked more dead than alive.

Seeing Kara like this was like the air being sucked out of her lungs.

“Bedroom okay?” Alex asked Lena.  
Unable to find words Lena nodded.

Alex gestured to J'onn to follow her to the bedroom where he gently laid her down.  
“I’ll trust the two of you to take good care of her,” he said to Alex and Lena, “Call me if you need me.”  
He shook Alex’s shoulder lightly before he left. 

With his departure, the rushed chaos also disappeared.  
Alex was standing over her sister, “Can you remove the suit?” she calmly asked Lena.  
Lena’s hand palmed Kara’s chest plate, “Why isn’t she wearing her helmet?” With a twist of her wrist, she made the suit dematerialize, leaving her in the outfit she was wearing during the high tea.  
“Why are her veins popping green, Alex? Did the suit not hold?”

A pang of guilt washed over Lena.  
If the suit failed, it was her fault Kara got hurt.

“It wasn’t the suit,” Alex checked her vitals, “Sit with her and I’ll explain what happened.”  
Lena did as she was ordered to and took Kara’s hand into hers while caressing her cheek.

Kara’s jaw was swollen and the skin that showed at the edge of her cardigan was colored painfully.  
“She’s bruised,” Lena’s voice cracked.

“Supergirl was ambushed. She can take a lot, but even Kara can get hurt when the force is strong enough…” Alex sat down on the ground with her back against the wall.  
The deep breath she released gave away how tired she was.  
“It was a trap set up for Supergirl. Supergirl was there before us. They called her a traitor to Alien-kind because she fought against aliens… Supergirl was mad. She was so emotional she lost her self control... She went into that fight with force alone. With her lasers she made a truck explode and killed two of those aliens in the process, several others got hurt. We were able to capture the majority of them, but Supergirl… She went after the few that ran… And she… She was beating one to death… We had to do something, Lee. We couldn’t let her beat the breath out of someone…”

Lena tore her gaze away from Kara to focus on the trembling Danvers sitting on the ground.

“We had to take her out before she would kill out of rage. Before she would reach the point of no return… So…” she swallowed as she pulled her knees closer to her chest, “Dreamer was able to remove her helmet and I had to put her down with a Kryptonite injection in her neck… She collapsed on top of the alien she was beating up...”

Lena was torn between wanting to comfort Alex and not wanting to leave Kara’s side.  
She stretched her arm in Alex’s direction, who took her hand and showed a weak smile.

“I don’t know how long she will be out or how she will be when she wakes up… I think it will be good for her to have you near when she wakes up, I think she needs you… Is it okay if I stay until she is awake and stable?”  
Lena nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

While Alex checked Kara’s vitals again, Lena changed her clothes into something more comfortable and freshened herself up in the bathroom.

“Her heartbeat is faster than normal, her body is probably working hard to pump the Kryptonite out of her system.”  
Lena hummed and laid herself next to Kara.  
“I’ll be in the living room. Just yell if you need me.”

Lena brushed the hair out of Kara’s face which resulted in her discovering more bruises.  
Seeing her like this gave Lena an idea of what Kara must have gone through.  
It was like a stab in her heart, a clenching on her throat, and a punch in her gut.   
She needed to protect the woman she loved so dearly.

Alex was lingering in the doorway, “Actually… Would you mind if I stay here?”  
Lena was already shaking her head when Alex elaborated, “I have never seen her lose control like this, and I… I want to stay close to my sister.”

Lena followed her impulse, “Help me move her to the middle of the bed.”  
Careful with Kara in her fragile state, they moved her, which allowed Alex to lay at the other side of her sister.

Lena nuzzled close against her lover while Alex only held her sister’s hand.  
Having Alex on the other side of Kara was a shared burden to Lena.  
She wasn’t alone in taking care of Kara.  
She wasn’t alone in loving her.

“Alex,” Lena spoke softly to disturb Kara as little as possible, “Kara is my soulmate! I loved him back when I thought she wasn’t an option. But as soon as Kara kissed me, there was no room left for William… She took it all.”  
Lena softly traced the green lines on Kara’s neck with her fingertips.  
“Then... why did you marry him?” 

Lena and Alex whispered about Lena’s marriage, her love for Kara, and William’s feelings about the love between her and Kara.

There was a certain amount of intimacy to whispers in the dark that made people open up about things they would normally keep to themselves.  
A kind of security, the comfort of a bed and a close friend provide them with.  
This was also what happened to Lena and Alex.

“I think I want him to stay in my life… Just as the father of my child and friendly contact to me…” Lena confessed.  
“How do you think Kara will feel about that?”  
She dropped her gaze, “I think she needs more time… and that’s okay. I just hope they will figure it out.”  
Alex turned to her side and took Lena’s hand into hers, “Just be careful with him, Lena. I don’t trust him...”  
“I truly believe he has changed,” she defended him.  
“I know… I know that you believe that… But winning your trust back shouldn’t be a sprint. It’s a marathon. He has to prove himself over a longer period of time.” Alex squeezed her hand.  
Alex’s point of view was hard to hear.  
The truth her words held conflicted with Lena’s wish to have good contact with the father of her child.  
“I don’t want to hold on to a grudge. Alex, I want to move on. I want to get over it… I want to believe him!”

“Oh, Lena,” Alex sighed, “I know you want to… Your little bean isn’t even born yet, she won’t miss him the first three years of her life. She’ll have you, she’ll have Kara and she will have some awesome aunts. There is no rush in reconnecting with him. Focus on yourself and keep him at distance, please. I think you need more time.”  
She shook Lena’s hand shortly.

Lena thought she was sure about William but Alex made her doubt her judgment again.  
“But he was taking care of me…” she mumbled more against herself than to Alex.

“I love you, Lena... I have seen your bruises, even more than he inflicted on you. You have been hurt enough, Luthor. I won’t let him hurt you again.” she caressed Lena’s lower arm.

Lena closed her eyes to focus on the caring touch of one of her best friends.  
“I love you too, Alex,” she whispered.  
“Don’t make it weird, Luthor!” Alex cracked a smile.  
“Fuck you, Danvers!” 

With the following silence, the tension was slowly flowing away.

“Why did you bring her here instead of the lab with the sunlamps? She would heal faster in the lab,” Lena wondered.  
Alex sighed, “Because her body will recover, even without the sunlamps… I think her wounds are more mentally at the moment. She needs to be in a safe place, where she can break down and cry and just be Kara instead of the strong Supergirl. I think she needs you more than she needs a sunlamp. That’s why I brought her here… I hope you don’t mind?” Alex explained.

Kara’s mental bruises had to be tremendous with the way Mrs. Dey treated her.  
She deserved all the love and confirmation Lena could give her.  
To Lena, Kara was not nothing, Kara was everything.  
And to the little bean Kara would be the sweetest and funniest mother ever.  
Lena could never compete with Kara’s qualities therefore she was happy they would be a parenting team.  
Their little bean would have it all.

“I saw her die once…” Alex squeezed Lena’s hand, “Her body absorbed the light and life out of the grass and plants surrounding her. But the moment I thought I lost her…” A thick tear escaped her eye, “she was close to death a couple of times…”  
“How do you cope with that?” Lena’s ask was for advice as she realized she would fear losing Kara more than once.  
Being with Kara wouldn’t be without worry.

“Hope,” Alex answered, “She is still here, isn’t she?” she smiled weakly, “She always bounces back. When you think it’s all over and hope is lost, she finds a way. She is so much stronger than I can ever imagine… When she died, I offered her the grass… And she took it.”  
“She always finds the light,” Lena concluded.  
Alex nodded, “And I believe you and the little bean are her light now.”  
Lena’s eyes met with Alex’s as she thanked her with a smile.

“I need a drink!” Alex concluded with a groan.  
“No, you don’t. You are doing great without a drink and we need you to be with us,” Lena supported her.

Alex and Lena shared all kinds of memories about Kara to fill the time.  
“Kara visited me in the lab once while I was working on a project. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was making edible plastic. The idea behind it was that animals wouldn’t die because they got plastic in their stomach. And Kara…” Lena chuckled, “she got so enthusiastic she asked me if she could try some. When I told her it wasn’t meant to be eaten she looked so confused.”  
Alex grinned, “Did you let her taste it?”  
Lena rolled her eyes, “Please… Do you really think I can refuse her pout anything?”  
“So, she ate it!”  
“She suggested sweetening it because it wasn’t tasty.”

The pauses in their conversation became longer and longer until Alex fell asleep.  
The comforting sound of her soft snoring eased Lena into a state of slumber as well.

\-----------------------------------------------------

A grunting sound woke Lena.  
Kara’s facial muscles were twitching and her body was tense.  
Alex was sitting next to her with her fingers on Kara’s wrist checking her heartbeat.

“Alex, what’s going on?” Lena sat up straight away.  
“She is waking up. Nothing serious, she is just restless. She might be in pain, be prepared. And stay out of her line of sight! She once shot lasers at me because I startled her when she woke up.”

With a big gasp, Kara opened her eyes.  
Lena held her hand while she was panting heavily.  
Kara squinted her eyes and groaned more.

Alex and Lena waited patiently as Kara was regaining control over her breathing.  
When she calmed down she focussed on Alex, “You used Kryptonite on me.”  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to but I had no other choice,” Alex apologized.  
“I lost control, didn’t I?” Kara whimpered.  
Alex nodded slowly.

Tears escaped from the corners of her eyes when Kara squinted them shut.  
She pulled her hand out of Lena’s.  
“Do you agree with William’s mom, Lena?” she asked small.  
Her question cut like a knife through her heart, “What? No! No, of course not! You silly Kryptonian…” Lena assured her.  
“Why didn’t you stop her?” her lips were trembling so much, Lena wanted nothing more than to kiss them to ease.  
Instead, she answered, “I should have… But I was caught off guard and it all happened so much faster than I could handle. I just wanted you out of there and to get you home. But you had to go before we could hug it out.”  
Kara swallowed thick, “Can we hug it out now?”

Lena didn’t need to be asked twice.  
With a groan, Kara sat up and let herself sink into Lena’s embrace.

“I think Kelly is waiting for me…” Alex announced,   
“Wait… Where are the aliens?”

Even after all her hurt and struggles, Kara still wanted to know how the fight ended.  
“They are locked up in the DEO dessert facility, we got them all.”  
Alex told her two died in an explosion which, they all knew, was caused by Supergirl but none of them mentioned that.  
The one Supergirl was beating up survived.

With a pained face and a lot of groaning Kara tried to get up from the bed.  
Alex helped her up and took her in an embrace afterward.  
“Alex… before you go… Do you want to help me get in my pajamas?”  
“I can help you with that, Kara. There is nothing I haven’t seen…” Lena offered.  
Kara dropped her head, “It’s not that… It’s not personal… I’d like it if Alex would help me… Maybe you can put on your pajamas as well and we’ll get cozy on the couch or in bed and call it a day,” she offered with that smile Lena couldn’t deny anything.

From the living room, Lena could hear Kara moaning and groan in pain.  
There was something about Kara she had never seen before, she realized.  
Kara’s body was always flawless, she had never seen her bruised.   
She got that Kara tried to protect her this way from experiencing the same worries and pain she had endured when Lena was hurt.  
Preventing Lena from ever seeing her like that can’t hold forever.  
Alex had seen her mortally wounded a couple of times since Kara became Supergirl.  
Lena couldn't escape that faith.  
Sooner or later she would see Kara all beaten up and hanging on for dear life.  
She had to be prepared.

“Hey Starlight,” Kara’s voice came from behind her.  
Dressed in her care bear pajama Kara was holding herself up on her sister.  
The short-sleeved shirt and shorts of the pajama didn’t cover all her bruises.  
Her right tight was so deep purple it almost seemed black.

“Could you please not stare at me like that?”  
Lena hadn’t noticed the amount of time she spent looking at Kara’s leg until she called her out, “Like what?”  
With a crooked smile, she answered, “Like I’m a fragile porcelain doll!” 

Lena remembered that reference.  
She used it when she called Kara out for being overprotective.  
“It’s annoying, isn’t it?” she chuckled at the parallel.

Before Alex left, she helped the stumbling Kara towards the couch.  
Lena kissed Kara’s head, “Order some food and put on a movie or tv show. I’ll put on my new pajama and join you.”  
“I love you in your new pajamas,” Kara said softly.  
“I love you with or without your pajamas.” Lena pulled up an eyebrow to accompany her half-smile.

Lena let Alex out on her way to the bedroom, “Alex… Thank you for caring.”   
She scoffed, “I would be a lousy sister if I didn’t.”  
A blush rose on Lena’s cheeks, “I wasn’t talking about Kara.”  
“I know.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

During the fifth episode of The Haunting of Bly Manor Kara lay curled against Lena under a blanket.  
Lena thought the way she was drawing figures on her belly was adorable.  
Having Kara in her arms was something she promised herself to never take for granted anymore.

“She is right you know,” Kara’s sad voice interrupted the sound of the tv.  
“Who? Hannah?” Lena was still watching the show with one eye.  
“Mrs. Dey…” Kara clenched the fabric of Lena’s pajama in her fist.

Lena paused the show for Kara deserved her full attention.

“I am nothing to your little bean. I’m your girlfriend, but I am nothing to her… And if you ever decide to get back with… him... and become a family together… I’ll be nothing,” she said brittle.  
Lena shifted in her seat, “Kara, look at me!” she ordered.  
Even though her face betrayed her pain, Kara did as she was told.  
Her sapphire, blue eyes were irresistibly gorgeous.  
Lena hated when Kara was sad but the beauty her raw emotions brought to her eyes was a silver lining Lena embraced. 

”Oh, sweetheart… I will tell you as many times as you need to hear that you are my everything and I love you more than anyone else… Well, you might have to share that spot in a few months but you get what I mean.” Lena palmed Kara’s face.  
Her swollen jaw was hot in her hand, “I am carrying your child, my love. Maybe not by genetics, but family is more than blood. William’s mom might not get that… But I do.”

Kara sucked on her bottom lip, she altered her gaze between Lena’s lips and her eyes, “You mean that?”  
Lena gently pressed her lips on Kara’s, sucking on the bottom lip Kara sucked on just a moment ago.  
Their kiss deepened until Kara pulled back with an audible grunt of pain followed by a shy smile.  
Lena was endeared by her girlfriend, “Does that feel like I mean that?”  
“Yeah…” Kara breathed.

Lena hung back in the corner of the couch which allowed Kara to curl against her once more.  
When she put her hand on Kara’s shoulder blade her girlfriend winched.   
Lena pulled her hand back, “It’s okay. Just hold me,” Kara said softly.  
A bit more careful this time, Lena put her arm around her.  
With a deep sigh, they relaxed into each other.

“William took me home and we talked,” Lena decided to tell her.   
“Did he… agree with…” Kara stopped her hesitant question halfway.  
Lena answered without having to hear the entire sentence, “He agreed with me. He thought his mother overstepped massively and he respects that I don’t want her near our little bean.”  
Kara looked up to find her eyes.   
“I have to protect my family, don’t I?” Lena smiled proudly.  
“Family…” Kara sighed happily.  
She nuzzled back in Lena’s embrace.  
“He thinks we make each other happy and we look good together.”  
“I agree with him… This time!”  
“You also have the same taste in women like him,” Lena joked.  
“So do you!” Kara chuckled.

Kara’s laughter was music to her ears considering the day they’ve had.

“We also talked about baby names,” Lena changed the subject.  
She wanted to talk about names with Kara.  
She enjoyed fantasizing about a baby name with William but she saved her enthusiasm for Kara.  
“Oh… Did you… Decide on a name?” Kara’s voice trembled.  
“No, of course not!” Lena blurted out, “That’s between you and me! He gave me a suggestion I might discuss with you if you don’t have a better idea.”

Kara rolled on her back so she could lay her head on Lena’s lap and look at her.  
She closed her eyes and paused for a moment.  
Lena recognized the serenity that rested on Kara’s face.  
She was listening to the tiny heartbeat.  
Disturbing Kara in this state would be a pity because her expression made Lena feel warm inside.

“Did you have a name in mind?” Kara asked eventually.  
“I was thinking of calling her Lori,” Lena said, “To keep the Luthor tradition in honor.”  
Kara knitted her brows, “Lori Luthor… Do you want her name to be connected to the Luthors like that?”  
Lena pulled her lips into a thin line, “I… I actually want her last name to be Danvers if you don’t mind.”

She expected Kara to be thrilled about the idea of her daughter having her last name.  
Due to the lack of reaction, Lena continued, “To keep some of me in the name, I thought of starting her name with the L.”  
“The Luthors are not all you are, Lee.” Kara held Lena’s hand. “Besides… I can imagine William being okay with the Luthor name but as much as I would like her to have my last name... I think we might be poking a bear by calling her Danvers… I don’t want unnecessary drama.”   
“Oh…” Lena would have liked the little bean to have something of them both in her name.  
“We can register her as Zor-El on Argo,” Kara beamed.

Lena liked that.  
“Lori Zor-El,” she smiled.  
“What’s that?” Kara placed her ear against Lena’s belly, “Baby says; No!”  
A mixture of joy from Kara’s silliness and irritation because Kara passed on the name twirled inside her, “Be serious!” she chuckled.  
Kara pulled her nose up, “Not Lori.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because you are holding on to your Luthor legacy by keeping the L in… Create your own legacy without the Luthor traditions. You don’t need your child to carry on the L as a first letter.” She caressed the back of Lena’s hand with her thumb.  
Lena swallowed the lump in her throat away.  
Her favorite idea had just been wiped off the table.  
It had also been her only idea because she was so fixed on the first letter.  
She cleared her throat, “Do you have any suggestions?”

Kara smiled, “I would like an Irish name for her. Or at least based upon an Irish name... That part of you is just as much you as the Luthors are with the big difference that you have always fought the Luthor legacy.”  
“Well, I have broken tradition by not being a homicidal maniac!” Lena defended, “But, I like the idea of an Irish name…” She kept to herself that William suggested the same thing.  
“Do you have a specific name in mind?”

With a painful grunt, Kara pulled herself up and turned around to face Lena.  
Her eyes were twinkling so bright with excitement that Lena felt a spark inside ignite. 

“Imogen!” Kara blurted out with a wide smile.  
“Imogen?” that name had never occurred to Lena which made her unsure what to think of it.  
“It’s from the Gaelic name Inghean which means maiden or daughter… I’m afraid I will mispronounce the Gaelic version though. In Latin, the name means: Innocent or blameless. She might have already caused a lot of drama, she will be born from a Luthor and a man who hurt his wife but she is blameless and that’s why I like the name.”  
“Imogen…” Lena tried the name out to feel how it would roll off her tongue.  
“Imogen Luthor,” Kara added.  
Lena tasted the full name, “Imogen Alexandra Luthor!”  
Kara gasped, “I love that!”  
“I’m not convinced yet!” She warned Kara, “Let me get used to the idea… But we can put Imogen on the top of our list, okay?”

Kara’s reasoning for the name was wonderful and she could always shorten it to Immy just like her name was actually Lutessa instead of Lena, a fact very few knew. 

The twitch of pain Lena saw when her lover tried to lift her arms to hug her brought Lena back to the painful reality of today.  
She gently moved into Kara’s space so she could glide into her embrace.  
With a sigh, Kara rested her head on Lena’s shoulder.

“You need rest, darling… And so do I, if I’m being honest,” Lena announced.  
Lena could feel the blonde nodding.

She turned off the tv and the lights and helped Kara to the bedroom.  
Holding the most powerful alien on Earth up because she was too weak to stand on her own didn’t feel as disturbing to Lena as she thought it would.  
It was intimate and warm to care for her.  
Besides the strong and mighty Supergirl, she is also just Kara.  
Her Kara.

In the bedroom, Lena stopped a few feet away from the bed.  
She was hesitant to move any further.  
“What is it?” Kara asked worriedly.  
Before Kara would be healed again, Lena needed to see her to be prepared for the worst.  
Her talk with Alex made her realize that Kara being hurt wouldn’t be a one-time thing.  
If she was going to spend the rest of her life with her, she needed to be prepared.  
“Lee?”

As Lena turned to face Kara, she dropped her head while biting her lip.  
“Can I…” Her hands were fumbling with the hem of Kara’s shirt. “Can I see you?  
“Ah… Well… Eh…” Kara stammered, “I’d rather not.”  
Lena looked up into her eyes, “Kara?” she begged.  
Kara sighed, “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

Before Lena explained her reasoning she kissed Kara’s lips.  
“I will see you sooner or later and I’d rather be prepared… We are in this together, Kar. Through your victories and your defeats. I want to share everything with you,” she pleaded.  
“Everything?” Kara’s eyes watered.  
“I’m all in! Superpowers or baby, the burden and the joy is ours!”

A smile cracked through, “Okay,” Kara said, “But you pull up your shirt first!”  
Lena was confused by her request, “Okay?” she chuckled without question.  
Kara’s gift to lighten the mood came in handy once again.

With Lena’s help, Kara got down on her knees so her eyes were lined with Lena’s baby bump.  
She placed her hands against Lena’s bare skin, “Sweet Imogen,” she started.  
“Not decided yet,” Lena corrected softly.  
Kara looked up, “You are interrupting a tender moment between me and my daughter, Lee. I need to tell her something.”  
Lena gestured to zip her lips.

“My sweet baby-girl. I don’t know how much you can hear by now. But in case you understand… You have heard some mean things about me today… I need you to know…”  
Kara swallowed before she kissed Lena just below her belly button, “You might not be mine by genes but you are mine by heart and I love you already!”

Lena teared up as she watched Kara hold her baby-bump with all her tenderness.  
She gave her time to let all the emotions she had bottled up inside since the high tea find its way out.

When Kara was ready, Lena helped her up.  
“It’s mainly my back,” Kara informed her as she turned around.  
Lena braced herself before she lifted her shirt.  
Bruises were spread over her back with large dark marks on her shoulder blades.  
She held her breath to prevent herself from gasping or reacting at first impulse.  
After a soft kiss on her spine, Lena pulled her shirt back down.  
Without saying a word she helped Kara to bed.

In the dim moonlight shining through the curtains, Kara’s face was tensed as she waited for Lena to respond.   
Lena took both of Kara’s hands in hers and kissed her knuckles.

It pained her to see the one she loved like this, but addressing that feeling would help neither of them.  
Even though Lena’s day had been terrible, Kara’s was worse.  
Lena was determined to be there for Kara.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she offered.

Silence lingered between them for so long that Lena wondered if she had missed the shaking of her head.

A sniff broke the silence.  
Her voice thick with emotion started talking, “She ignored me. It was humiliating but mostly annoying… She was so convinced you and William would get back together and play house…”  
Lena shuffled a little closer towards Kara as she silently listened to everything her girlfriend needed to say.  
“I was a joke to her! She completely erased me… When she told me I was nothing to your baby… It kept haunting my mind even during my fight with those aliens.”  
Kara sobbed, “I wasn’t alert. I allowed them to ambush me. I could have heard them, but my mind was racing over all the things she said… I was careless… And I started raging like a wildling… I killed them, Lena… I killed them!” she broke down crying.  
Thankful for Kara’s openness, Lena took her in her arms.  
“Alex told me that was an accident,” she said between tender kisses on the top of Kara’s head.  
“It didn’t need to happen...”

Lena comforted her with words, touches, and praises.  
Even though Kara’s pain was hard to hear, she was proud of her for letting her in.  
With her face buried in Lena’s pajama shirt, she let her tears run freely.

\-----------------------------------------------

With her Kryptonian in her arms, Lena was laying on her back, “How are you feeling now?” she wondered out loud while playing with her hair.  
A soft hum came from the blonde, “Less bruised,” she yawned.  
“Your ego or your body?” Lena teased.  
Kara chuckled, “Both.”

Lena let her fingertips trail Kara’s face and found out that was true.  
The swelling on her jaw wasn’t noticeable anymore and the touches on Kara’s back could be rougher without her flinching.  
“Good,” she smiled as she nudged Kara to crawl on top of her.  
Kara met her demand with ease and hovered above her a few seconds later.

Between kisses, Kara whispered, “El mayarah...”  
“Stronger together!” Lena confirmed with a soft moan.

Kara stopped kissing her to bury her face in Lena’s neck, “Thank you for letting me be me.”  
“I love you just the way you are!” Lena smiled.  
The blonde chuckled, “Don’t inspire me to sing, Starlight.”  
“I love it when you sing to me Funshine!” Lena smiled.  
Kara sighed, “You can’t make me sing now! I need to be spoiled… Can you sing to me for a change?”  
Without a doubt, Lena answered, “No!”

“But I can spoil you in other ways.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I hope you all liked it.  
> I got some inspiration from previous comments, so feel free to leave your comments below.  
> Your comments are always appreciated   
> (rudeness towards me is not, but you can always bash a character)
> 
> The next chapter will be more lighthearted.  
> I need a happy chapter after this.


	23. The better Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly and Alex are getting married while Lena's due date is getting closer.  
> Lena might not be cheerful the entire day because of some uncomforts and associative memories she'd rather not have.

“But what if she doesn’t show up?”  
“She will!”  
“But what if she changed her mind?”  
“She won’t!”  
“But what if she realizes this was all a mistake?”  
“She won’t!”  
“But what if she-”  
Lena interrupted the conversation between the two sisters, “She won’t! Alex, stop driving me crazy with your irrational fears. Kelly loves you and I’m too pregnant to listen to your wailing!” 

Alex stayed her last evening as an unmarried woman with Kara and Lena.  
The next morning she’d get ready at their place instead of her own because that was where Kelly was getting ready.

With just one and a half months left till her due day, Lena’s body was aching, her back was hurting, her ankles were swollen, she was permanently tired and her mood could turn a children's party into the next depression.  
Her tolerance for insecurity was non-existing.  
The past few months Kara had learned this was temporarily a part of her girlfriend’s personality, especially when she was tired.  
Cuddles, cradling, listening to her, giving her back- and foot rubs, singing to her when asked to, feeding her cheese and pickles, and putting her to bed when she was tired usually helped a lot.  
Her dark moods were always followed by a sobbing apology and praises for Kara’s patience and optimism.

Alex wasn’t as patient with her as nerves ruled her judgment, “Don’t use your pregnancy card as an excuse to be an asshole!”  
Before Lena could react, Kara interfered, “Stop it! Both of you,” her gaze flickered between the two of them.

“Traitor!” Lena muttered.  
Kara was supposed to be on her side and now she was cut off by the one she loved.  
She crossed her arms and dared Kara to oppose her by looking her straight in the eyes.  
Unaffected by Lena’s intimidation, Kara continued rubbing her ankles, “What Lena is trying to say is that you and Kelly are good together. You love each other. And no matter how many doubts you will have, no matter how many questions you will ask… She’s going to marry you tomorrow and you will have your happily ever after.”  
“Marriage doesn’t define a happy ever after,” Lena mumbled.  
Kara’s smile was disarming, “Not when you’re not marrying the love of your life.”  
The cocking of her head melted Lena’s icy mood so far away, a smile appeared.

“Yeah, that’s what I said...”  
Lena knew very well that wasn’t what she said.  
She realized her words might have triggered the anxious bride but she wasn’t in the mood to be kind.

With a hum, Alex slumped into the back of her seat.  
“See,” Kara said cheerfully as she lifted Lena’s feet off her lap, “who wants snacks?”  
Without waiting for a response, Kara went through the cabins in her search for something to fill her stomach.

Alex’s saddened sigh awakened guilt in Lena great enough to give in.  
“It’s gonna be okay, Alex. I’m sure of it. Tomorrow will be lovely and you will have a great time,” She ensured her.  
Alex raised her eyebrows, “Did you have a great time at your wedding?” her tone was skeptical.  
Lena’s eyes searched for Kara’s but she only found her butt as her head was buried in a lower cabin, “Eh… Y-yeah… We had fun…”  
“You had fun?” Alex knitted her eyebrows as she sat up again, “You and William?”  
Lena eyed Kara’s behind again, “I think I had a tiny bit-” she held her thumb and pointing finger half an inch apart, “-more fun than him.”  
“I found chips!” Kara held a bag up in victory.

Alex altered her gaze between the two of them until her jaw dropped, “Please tell me the two of you didn’t do more than just the peck on the lips I saw!”  
Lena threw her hands up in defense, “Fine, I won’t tell you.”  
“Kara! What did you do to Lena at her wedding?” 

Alex slipped into her interrogation focus which seemed to get her mind off her worries about her own wedding.  
Kara put a bowl of chips on the table before she sat down behind Lena.  
“Well… I walked her down the aisle. We danced. We talked. We ate cake. I showed her the reflection of the moonlight in the calm ocean water while Lena’s hand slipped behind my bra during our french kiss.”  
The dryness with which Kara spoke made Lena chuckle even though the memory made her blush.  
“Gosh, we really should do that again.” Lena bit her lip.

Alex shook her head, “I still can’t believe you made your move during her wedding.”  
“Technically,” Kara stuffed her mouth, “I kissed her before the wedding.”  
The color pulled away from Alex’s face.  
“Which you don’t have to worry about because Eliza is giving you away and Kelly’s mother will be walking her down the aisle,” Lena added quickly.

With her chin resting in her palms, Alex sighed, “I guess it’s pretty sweet if you ignore the fact that one of you was marrying someone else that day.”  
“It was, wasn’t it?” with that endearing smile Lena couldn’t refuse anything, Kara looked proudly at her.  
“Yeah… Your timing sucked!” with that, she wiped the smug look off Kara’s face, “You were such a good kisser!” she teased.  
“Were?” Kara was dumbstruck, “I’m not anymore?”  
“Proof it to me!” Lena challenged her.

Kara brushed Lena’s jaw with her fingertips, “You look even more beautiful now than you did on your wedding day,” she said softly.  
Lena’s skin tingled at Kara’s touch while her insides became liquid at her words.  
She leaned in so slowly that Lena could feel her heartbeat accelerating.  
On their own accord, Lena’s lips parted slightly in anticipation.  
When their lips met, she closed her eyes to enhance her other senses.  
She lost herself in Kara when she was disturbed by the sound: “Gross! I’m getting a beer!”

Kara pulled away only to say: “There’s non-alcoholic in the fridge!”  
She went on where they left just before the interruption.

After all the kisses they had shared over the past seven and a half months, Lena expected that their smooches would become a routine but they never did.  
There was nothing ordinary about kissing Kara.  
Every time she made her stomach flutter with adoration.  
Being kissed by Kara made Lena feel special and loved.  
This kiss relaxed Lena’s muscles and cleared her mind to a state of intoxication.  
Lena often joked that Kara’s kisses were her secret superpower.

They parted when Alex came back.  
With a satisfied moan, Lena snuggled against her beautiful blonde lover.  
She could hear Alex chuckle softly.

The talks between Alex and Kara faded from her mind.  
She thought she heard Kara say, “She needs more sleep lately… Look how beautiful she is…”  
“She’s sweet.”  
“And pretty!”  
“Gorgeous,” Alex confirmed.  
Kara played with her hair while she continued talking with Alex.

Lena was aware of their conversation and even though it felt like eavesdropping, she was too tired to let them know she wasn’t asleep.

“Good luck on her last couple of weeks.”  
Alex’s joke made Kara chuckle, “She doesn’t complain. Well… not really. She makes fun of her pregnant state. But I can see how tired she is and how much her body is aching.”  
The sisters had lowered their voices enough for them to be sweet background noises to Lena’s drowsy state.  
Lena moaned thankful for Kara’s sweet words as she stirred her body deeper into Kara’s arms.

“She’s tough,” Alex admired her, “Have you heard anything from William lately?”  
Lena tensed up at the mentioning of his name.  
“He tries… And he is very friendly… Too friendly for my taste. So, we keep him at a distance, and if he contacts Lena... I’m contacting him, leaving her out of it as much as possible.” Kara caressed Lena’s head against her chest.

The pause between their words made Lena drift off until she was drawn back by Alex’s voice, “Are you okay with that?”  
“More okay than leaving him alone with her… I don’t know if I will ever trust him enough. My stomach still twists every time I see him near her.”  
Because Kara’s voice was rising, Lena woke enough to open her eyes.  
“Hmm,” was the best sound she could make.

“Hey, Starlight.” Kara stroked her cheek, “Did I wake you up?”  
Lena wasn’t even sure if she did.  
She wasn’t fully asleep but she wasn’t awake either, so she shook her head.

“I’m gonna bring you to bed,” Kara announced.  
Before Lena could react, Kara had already swooped her up.  
She loved being carried by her powerful girlfriend but this time she whined, “I have to pee...”

\----------------------------------------

The shower was running when Lena woke up with two soft lips on her cheek.  
“Good morning, Starlight. I brought you breakfast.”  
Kara took care of her with so much dedication it annoyed her sometimes.  
“I’m not disabled, Kara.” She pushed herself up with a pained groan, “I can make my own breakfast.”

The little bean kept her awake for a good part of the night.  
“She’s as violent as her dad,” Lena joked while stroking her belly.  
Kara stared at her blankly, “Please, don’t joke about that.”

They’ve had this talk before when the kicking passed the point of being cute.  
Lena compared her to William as a joke which had more effect on Kara than she could have imagined.  
She teared up and pulled Lena close to her chest saying she was sure her daughter would never hurt her, Kara would make sure of that.  
Lena wasn’t serious in her statement at all, she was just grumpy because the kicks annoyed her and kept her awake.  
Kara’s reaction made clear how deeply rooted her fear for Lena to be mistreated was.

“I’m sorry, the little bean kept me up all night… It just slipped out,” Lena apologized.  
Kara smiled with a sigh, “I know.” She kissed her temple as she caressed her back, “Is she still kicking?”  
Lena shook her head, “The little bastard is asleep now.”  
“Good,” Kara chuckled, “at least you can eat your breakfast in peace. When Alex is done, you can take a shower.”

Starting this day with a nice and quiet breakfast in bed for just the two of them, before the hectic of the wedding would start, was a gift.  
Lena appreciated the thoughtfulness of her girlfriend even though it made her uneasy sometimes.  
She wasn’t used to people taking care of her, she had managed everything on her own.  
Distrust was a core emotion to her characteristic.  
In the past seven months, she learned to let go and to allow people to take care of her.  
It still didn’t come naturally to her but she came a long way.

A grin appeared on her face when she remembered all the love she received since her wedding.  
Her wedding…  
The wedding with William took a lot of space in her mind lately.  
The closer they came to Kelly and Alex’s wedding, the more comparisons were made to the last wedding most of them attended.  
Hers...

“At least my wedding brought me the love of my life,” Lena sighed out loud.  
Lena had talked with Kara about the stress the wedding brought her.  
She was even more caring than before.

Gratefully, Lena rested her head on Kara’s shoulder, “I love you, Kara.”  
A satisfied, “Hmm,” was audible, “I love you too, Lena.”  
Kara spoke with her mouth stuffed with food, which was one of her quirks Lena adored.

“Shower is free!” a hasty voice yelled.  
“She’s nervous,” Lena and Kara concluded in unity.

\------------------------------------------

After Lena stuffed herself into a purple dress that proudly showed off her curves, she kissed Kara goodbye and left to meet with Kelly.

When Lena walked in, the hairdresser was working on Kelly’s hair.  
“Good morning, Lena. How is my bride-to-be doing?”  
From her seat, she couldn’t see Lena who put a piece of chocolate in her mouth.  
“Dying…” she mumbled between chewing, “She’s worried about the rain.”  
“We marry inside,” Kelly shrugs, “You are taking over Kara’s bad habits,” she pointed out, “besides, those chocolates are for guests!”  
“I am a guest!”  
Kelly’s calmness was the complete opposite of the chaotic bride she left at home.  
“No sweety, you are my rock and that is how I need you today.” She reached her hand out for Lena to grab.  
“Your rock needs to be fed,” Lena objected as she touched Kelly’s hand.  
Kelly tugged her closer so Lena finally became within eyesight.  
“Oh my, Lena. You look stunning in that dress.”  
“It’s not the dress, it’s me,” she deadpanned.  
Kelly chuckled, “Yes, you are pretty. Are you okay, honey?”

Lena realized how moody she was but she couldn’t help it.  
She had to admit that Alex and Kelly deserved none of that.  
Today was not about her, today was all about the happy brides.  
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Beany kept me up all night.”  
Although this was just partly the reason for her mood, she had to get over it.

“How did you sleep?” she asked to change her focus.  
Kelly looked at her from the corner of her eyes, “Like a baby.”  
“You have been crying all night?”  
Kelly laughed, “No! I’m marrying the most wonderful woman in the world. I had happy dreams.”  
“I’m glad,” Lena chuckled.

Kelly’s brother and mother arrived with sandwiches.  
“Lena!” James cheered when she opened the door for them.  
His eyes trailed down, “Wow, Lena… you look… Ehm…” he cleared his throat.  
“Pregnant? I’m sure Kelly told you about that.” She stepped aside to let them in.  
He scoffed and put his hands in his side, “I was going to say, amazing. But yeah…” he cleared his throat again, “pregnant.”

The clearing of his throat was a quirk that started to annoy Lena after they broke up.  
Alex pointed it out to her and she wasn’t able to un-hear that sound ever since.

“It’s good to see you again,” she smiled at her old friend.  
“This is my mother. Mom, this is Lena Luthor.” James introduced them to each other.  
They shook hands, “Lena Luthor? As in… your ex?”  
Lena closed her eyes to prevent them from rolling visibly.  
“Yes, mother,” James confirmed with a sigh.  
Her eyes dropped down, “That’s not-”  
“NO!” Lena and James said in unity.  
Mrs. Olsen threw her hands up in the air, “Just making sure. I don’t know what my kids are up to these days…”  
“This kid is getting married today, mom!” Kelly yelled from the living.  
Mrs. Olsen’s face lit up before she rushed towards her daughter.

“So…” James shuffled at the door, failing to step in far enough for them to close the door.  
“So… How is Calvintown treating you?” Lena opened the small talk.  
He nodded, “Good… good… The Gazette is doing good.”  
“Good.”

Lena hadn’t seen James since he left National City a couple of years ago.  
They used to be a couple until a few months before he moved away.  
Through Kelly, she heard some little things about his life, like how the Calvintown Gazette had thrived since he got in charge.  
She hoped for a bit more conversation from his side because she wasn’t in the mood of putting much energy into reconnecting.

“So… You are pregnant,” he noted.  
Lena faired for a long day with all the people who could potentially tell her she was pregnant or even be so dumb to ask if she was.  
“I see you haven’t lost your reporting gift of keen observation!” she sarcastically bit at him.  
He squinted his eyes and shook his head, “Excuse me?”  
Lena took a deep breath and released it slowly to calm herself, “I’m sorry. I’m just tired and hormonal… Yes, I am pregnant as you can obviously tell. Can you come in now so I can close the door?”  
His eyes finally jerked away from Lena to realize he was indeed still standing in the doorway.

The reuniting of the Olsen siblings was heartwarming to witness.  
Lena was glad for Kelly that the bond with her brother was one of love.

\--------------------------------------

When the end of the morning came near, all the women had their hair perfect and make-up beautifully done by a professional.  
Nia had also joined their company, “I’m still disappointed you didn’t get us matching bridesmaid dresses,” she sighed at Kelly.  
Kelly scoffed, “Alex and I talked about that, mostly because Alex would like to pick out hideous dresses to make fun of all of you… But we saw a documentary about the origin of the bridesmaid dresses and we did a hard pass on the dresses.”  
Nia pouted, “But why?”  
Lena enjoyed just listening to the conversation while she was resting on the couch.  
“In short… The bridesmaids used to be servants or slaves of the bride or family of the bride who would be dressed the same as the bride. The bridesmaids and the bride would veil their faces heavily so you couldn’t tell who was who. It was to confuse evil spirits and jealous suitors. Sometimes they would try to abduct the bride but ended up taking a bridesmaid instead. Because they were just servants or even slaves, it wasn’t such a big deal,” Kelly explained, “Since our friends are a big deal to us and are nothing close to slaves, we threw that idea out.”  
Lena was so touched by Kelly’s view on their friendship that tears welled up in her eyes.  
“Okay, I get that… But the meaning of bridesmaids has changed over the years. Now it’s a group of the closest friends of the bride, dressed in unity to support their friend,” Nia defended the modern bridesmaids.  
Kelly just chuckled, “I know. Alex and I just chose differently.”

Unable to stop her tears from escaping, Lena was ruining her make-up.  
Kelly reacted to her sniffing, “What’s the matter, sweety?” She gestured to James to get her a tissue as she sat down beside Lena.  
“You… you said I was a big deal,” she cried.  
She searched for Lena’s eyes, “Of course you are a big deal to me. You’re my friend! And you are also dear to Alex.”  
Lena shook her head and started laughing, “I’m being silly. I’m sorry.”  
“I don’t get this,” James mumbled as he gave Lena a box of tissues.  
“Of course you don’t,” Mrs. Olsen said, “You’re a man. Your father didn’t get it either.”

Kelly’s smile faded from her face for such a short moment that it could only be seen by those who looked her straight in the eyes.  
“Well, it’s time for me to put my suit on!” Kelly announced as she jumped up, “When Shirley is done with Alex she will come here for the finishing touch on my look.”  
“Yes! And I will do some damage control on Lena’s face,” Nia offered.

\---------------------------------------------

Because the weather in April could be unpredictable, Kelly and Alex searched for a place indoors to tie the knot.  
They found a Victorian Mansion just outside National City which served as a wedding location.  
The long driving lane was sheltered by large oak trees that proudly showed off their fresh green leafs.  
The scent of the spring rain that fell in the morning predicted nothing but magic.  
The round arches surrounding the entrance softened the hard, square look of the high building.  
Bushes with colorful flowers covered where the walls rose from the ground.

When Lena regrouped with her friends at the end of the driveway the sun broke through the clouds.  
Her breathing stopped for a moment when her eyes fell upon Kara.  
Kara was always beautiful but seeing her like this made her fall in love all over again.  
She couldn’t blame herself for giving into Kara during her wedding.  
Her girlfriend was enchanting.

The icy blue dress made her eyes shine even brighter than they ever did before.  
Her hair was curled more than her natural waves which gave her a playful innocence.  
Pink lips and a light blush balanced the cold from her dress into a soft tone perfectly.  
And that wonder of a woman loved her.

“Oh gosh, here comes the waterworks again.” Nia took a pack of tissues from her purse. “Keep your woman in check, Kara. She’s a mess today!”

Kara chuckled and wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck.  
When their foreheads touched, she said, “Yeah… But she’s my mess.”

“This is going to be a long day,” Lena sighed.  
“Better make it worth it then.” She kissed Lena’s lips before she cracked into a giggle.

A familiar face with a proud smile found comfort with Nia, Lena, and Kara.  
“You look happy,” Nia noted.  
“Yes, I am!” she confirmed, “The two brides whose visit to the store changed my life, are looking perfect and ready to get married.”  
“How is the business going?” Kara asked.

Lena and Shirley already talked about the store this morning.  
The store was in the middle of a renovation, which made it impossible to tell how successful the business was.  
Shirley was still working towards the full potential of the shop with help of Lena’s advisor and investment.  
“I’m having a good feeling about this,” Lena concluded Shirley’s passionate explanation.  
Shirley gave Lena a nod, “I’m invited to the wedding, but I’ll be leaving after I assisted with the photo shoot because the store needs my attention. I can’t leave Philippe alone for too long,” she joked about the former owner.

“Did you contact the wedding planner for cooperation?”  
“I already did, miss Luthor.”  
Lena and Shirley quickly fell into an exchange of more business ideas.

\------------------------------------

The interior of the mansion was surprisingly modern due to the recent renovation of the real estate.  
The position of the chapel was well thought out.  
Sunshine fell upon the steps in the front of the room at this time in the early afternoon.  
An arrangement of white and red roses garnished the pillars.  
The narrow but tall windows allowed more light inside than expected.

With a big grin, Lena sat down next to Kara at the front row of the chapel.  
Kara put her hand on Lena’s knee, “You are shining again,” she whispered.  
Lena chuckled, “Shirley is doing even better than I expected her to and two of my favorite people are getting married… Of course, I’m happy. Don’t be silly, Kara. You act as if I wasn’t cheerful before.”

Between Kara and James, two seats remained empty, they were reserved for the mothers of the brides.  
Their closest friends were sitting on the other side of the aisle.  
Nia, Brainy, J’onn, M’gann, Sam, and Ruby took the other front row seats.  
Clark, Lois, and Lucy had found their places behind them.

Which of the brides would walk down the aisle first was still a surprise to all.  
Kelly and Alex tossed a coin for the second walk because they both wanted that moment with the other waiting for them.

When the music started, Kara had to help Lena rise for the first bride.  
Their arms remained hooked so Lena could lean on her girlfriend to relieve the pain in her back a little.

The doors opened to reveal who lost the coin toss.  
With just one foot in the chapel, Alex froze at the spot.  
She clung to her mother’s arm.

Because both of them had lost their fathers too soon, they agreed upon giving their mothers a more important role at their wedding.  
When Alex asked Eliza to give her away she pulled her daughter in a hug Alex couldn’t escape from for a solid five minutes.

Eliza shook Alex gently and gave her an encouraging smile.  
Alex straightened her back, put up a smile, and gave her mother a nod.  
With her chin up high, she took stiff steps down the aisle.

A cream white clip held her wild lock of hair in place on the right side.  
She wore pearl earrings.  
Her bare right shoulder was closest to her mother, while her free hand held the small bouquet with an arrangement of white flowers.

When her eyes found Lena and Kara, her shoulders relaxed as she smiled back at them.  
The next steps were a lot more fluid which fitted well with her outfit.  
The scarlet red dress flowed after her like a flaming river, seductive yet elegant.  
With every movement forward the tip of her creamy heels peeked from under the fabric.

Kara shook Lena’s arm gently, “That’s my sister,” she whispered in Lena’s ear.  
Lena giggled at how proud Kara was, she was adorable like that.  
Several mouths were slightly open at the sight of the bride in the scarlet dress.  
Vague whispers about Alex’s beauty reached Lena’s ear.  
The wide grin on her girlfriend’s face betrayed all the compliments Kara picked up about her sister.

Alex released a deep breath when she took her place before the wedding official.  
She hugged her mom before she let her go to wait for her bride with her mother at her side.

With the music from Alex's arrival dying out, the tension grew.  
At her wedding, this was the moment Lena shared her first kiss with Kara.  
The enlarged pupils with which Kara looked at her, gave away that she was thinking about that moment as well.  
Lena had promised herself to think about her wedding as little as possible but Kara’s loving gaze made it hard for her.  
The sapphire blue eyes dropped to Lena’s mouth as if she was being hypnotized.  
The blonde bit her lip which drew Lena’s attention like a magnet.  
This moment wasn’t about them.  
They should behave for Alex and Kelly.

But a small kiss of affection wouldn’t hurt anybody.

Lena leaned in and waited for Kara to close the gap.  
Her soft lips were still as intoxicating as the first time they touched hers.  
Even though she wanted nothing more than to deepen the kiss, she knew it was highly inappropriate.  
Kara’s lips trembled as if she wanted to open them but changed her mind.  
Instead, they held on to the feeling of their lips pressed against each other.  
James’ scraping his throat was the most unwelcome sound they could hear but the message was clear.  
They parted to get caught in the judging glance of Mrs. Danvers.  
Kara avoided her mother’s eyes and even Lena felt the motherly disapproval.

Alex was too fixated on the door to have noticed.  
Her face was paler than before, her jaw was clenched and her knuckles turned white from clasping around her bouquet. 

The doors opened so quickly, it was hard to tell if the doors opened before or after the music started.

Alex gasped visibly.

All eyes turned to the back of the chapel where the other bride stood still.  
Kelly’s teary eyes were fixated on her lover at the other end of the aisle.  
Her jaw dropped slightly, while the corners of her mouth curled up.  
She blinked her eyes and nudged her mother to walk with her.  
The always so patient Kelly forgot her intention to stride down the aisle like a princess.  
She seemed so eager to reach her bride, her pass was more similar to a marching soldier with her mom sweating herself to keep up.

The possibility to admire Kelly’s beauty occurred when she stood wide grinned next to her bride.  
The cream white suit was tailored to fit her figure like a glove.  
Scarlet high heels, red earrings, and the colored cufflinks on her suit were the perfect link to Alex’s dress.  
Her small bouquet was similar to Alex’s except for the color of her flowers, Kelly’s were red.

In total aw, Alex’s said, “I didn’t expect a suit.”  
“You like?” Kelly twirled around.  
Alex nodded eagerly, “Yeah… wow.” She smiled.  
Kelly chuckled, “I didn’t expect you in red. Turn around!”  
The fabric of her dress danced around Alex like a flame licked the wood when she pirouetted before her love.

After they were done admiring each other, Kelly kisses her mom so both mothers could sit down between Kara and James.  
Sitting down was becoming a challenge for Lena.  
Luckily, she had Kara who helped her with love whenever she could.

Lena remembered how little she cared for the vows.  
She wrote something down because she had to, for him but not because she wanted to.  
Alex and Kelly were different.  
Alex had practiced her vows last night and Kelly went over them this morning.  
Lena might be the only person who already knew what they both were going to say.

After a word of welcome from the wedding official, Alex was the first to read her vows.  
Big brown eyes looked at Kara in panic.  
“Ow, fudge!” Kara blurted out as she fumbled through her tiny purse.  
Kelly took the hand of her nervous bride to calm her down.  
Kara pulled a piece of paper out and crouched over so she could hand it to her sister.

“Very smooth, darling,” Lena laughed.

A flustered Alex took a deep breath and shuffled at her feet.  
“My dear Kelly,” she stammered.  
“The circumstances in which we met were far from ideal… A dear friend of mine was fighting for his life in the hospital. I wasn’t allowed to see him or speak on his behalf because I wasn’t family… But you were!” She looked up and locked her eyes with Kelly’s.  
“You looked at me and told the hospital staff we were family, with that you granted us access.”  
Alex was so enchanted by her bride that she forgot to read from the paper.  
“Soon after we had our first argument about the woman who would later function as our practice child.” 

Soft laughter rose from the crowd.  
“Is she talking about me?” Lena whispered to Kara who pressed her lips together to muffle her chuckle.

“We grew closer over time but my feelings for you became clear soon after our trip to Portsmith… To be fair… I didn’t dare to think I would have a chance with a woman like you,” she giggled nervously.  
“From that moment on, things only became better and my love for you grew larger. When I lose my way, you are my compass. You have patience when I lose mine. You are wisdom when I am a fool. You show me the light when all I can see is darkness. You complete me in every way.”  
Kelly raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips tight into an endeared smile.

Alex folded her paper and put it on a stand behind her together with her bouquet.  
She took Kelly’s hands in hers.  
“My dear Kelly. With this, I promise to respect you in every argument. I promise to care for you and caress you in every day to come. Even though you make it easy to talk to you, to me it is the hardest thing to do sometimes but I will promise to keep communicating with you.”  
Her voice shivered, “I promise to never… never take you for granted! We have shared sorrow and joy and I’m in for many more to come… Preferably joy.” Alex shrugs.  
She took a moment to take in the beauty of the love of her life.  
“My sweet and wonderful Kelly. Will you do me the honor to become my wife?”  
Kelly’s answer left no room for a heartbeat in between, “Yes, I do!” she answered loudly.

It was Kelly’s time to share her vows.  
“Gosh, Alex… I… I was going to tell you everything without reading but my mind is completely blank,” she admitted with a nervous laugh.  
“Ehm…” she pulled a letter out, “I’ve got pockets!” she waved the piece of paper in the air which made Alex laugh.

“Alex… As you might have noticed… I love you! I got introduced to this caring and warm woman who argued with me from the moment we met but still had my back even though her opinion was different. After I lost someone close to me, I feared I would never love again. But my open wound healed into a scar. And here you are!” She smiled at Alex before she focused on her letter again.  
“You made me believe in love again. I became your friend but admired you from afar, afraid that confessing my love would turn into a painful scar. You asked for my psychological advice about a dilemma you had.” Kelly looked up, “I was so nervous when you asked me to meet…”  
“Really?” Alex asked softly.  
“I still am,” she admitted.  
Alex smiled with a loving sigh, “Don’t worry… I’m with you.”

She shook her head out of gazing at her scarlet bride, “The reason why I came to National City was my brother. The reason why I stayed was you. It didn’t take me long to realize that with you was where I was supposed to be. Alex, you are home to me! I promise with all that I can do, to be home to you.”  
She put the letter back into her pocket.  
“My wild, passionate, and caring scarlet bride, will you make me the happiest woman alive and be my lovely wife?”  
Alex chuckled, “You rhymed!”  
“Yes, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” Kelly frowned with regret.  
“For all my love I will not suppress, to you I say a thousand times: yes!”

Alex took Kelly’s face in her hands and kissed her.  
To the amusement of the guests, the wedding official broke them up because they had not yet exchanged their rings.

Kelly and Alex accepted Lena’s offer to pay for the wedding.  
She was allowed to pay for everything except the rings.  
That was a symbol of their love that would last longer than the memory of one day, they insisted on buying the rings themselves.

Not only did they exchange rings.  
They also combined their two small bouquets into one bigger bouquet with both red and white flowers. 

After they made it official by signing the papers, the newlyweds left the chapel accompanied by Whitney Houston’s: I will always love you.

Even though the song was a bit too cliche for Lena’s taste, she still cried thick tears.  
It pleased her to see that she wasn’t the only sentimental fool who shed tears during the ceremony.  
Both mothers clung to tissue and even Kara had a wet tear trace from her eye to her chin.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

As the brides left the chapel to get their pictures taken, all the guests were guided to the ballroom where they were offered coffee and tea.

The ballroom decoration was similar to the flower arrangements in the chapel.  
Red and white flowers garnished the pillars and walls.  
The white walls and marble floor reflected the natural light shining through the tall but narrow windows, making the room look bigger.  
The velvet red chairs and curtains made the atmosphere fit for a duchess.

The guests greeted each other, introduced themselves to strangers, and spoke about the ceremony. All the voices created a cacophony that overtook the room.  
The way people moved around reminded Lena of an anthill.

When she sat down in a comfortable chair, her bladder demanded attention.  
With a groan she staggered to her feet, getting herself so dizzy in the process, she had to grab hold of Kara to steady herself.  
“You okay, Lee?” Kara offered Lena her arm.  
“Yeah… I just gotta go.”

Kara accompanied her without question, which offered Lena the opportunity to lean on her.  
On the way, they were stopped by an aunt of Kara who felt the need to congratulate her.  
“Ow… Uh… Yes, thank you.”  
Kara moved away from the woman.  
“Your sister is a wonderful bride,” the woman continued.  
“Yes, thank you.”  
“And your sister in law… What a handsome cute couple they make.”  
“They do indeed, yes. Thank you.”  
“I haven’t seen you for a while. I heard you won a Pulitzer?”  
“Yes, that was a long time ago.” Kara’s answers remained short.  
“How did you win that prize?”  
The aunt seemed determined to have a conversation with Kara.  
Lena couldn’t hold on any longer, she pulled her arm from Kara, “It’s okay, I’ll be fine,” she assured her.  
She left Kara to have that conversation her aunt longed for.

Not making it in time for the toilet became a serious fear the last couple of weeks.  
She had prepared herself for the wedding with maps of the venue and strategically planning out places close to the bathrooms.  
Up until now, there had been no accidents and she’d like to keep it that way.

Even though Lena was happy for Alex and Kelly, she felt terrible.  
Her body was so exhausted, she needed her afternoon nap.  
Usually, she took a 30-minute nap to gain strength and relax her aching muscles.  
Lena was too proud to ask for a place to close her eyes.  
Her bathroom break wasn’t only a matter of hygiene, it was also an escape from the crowds of people all around.  
She needed a couple of deep breaths without people surrounding her.  
Not only her body was exhausted, but her mind also had a hard time processing all the impressions.  
There were so many guests, it was as if the brides invited everybody they ever met. 

One look in the mirror made her curse at her hair.  
It was so straight and dull that the usual liveliness was lost.  
Lena’s hair had always been able to fit the occasion.  
With a business meeting, she often wore a tight bun because that hairdo made her look more distant and professional.  
When she didn’t have any meetings she often wore a loser bun or let her hair down to be more approachable for her employees.  
Because of her natural wave, her hair used to be easy and could bend at her will.  
The last couple of months she had become less fond of her hair.  
She still didn’t look bad, some of the guests looked worse, but this wasn’t how her hair was supposed to fall.  
This was just ordinary hair.  
Ordinary hair the hairdresser tried to mold into a neat lower bun, but the hairs she curled at front dropped like fly curtains.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Luthor, I didn’t recognize you before. How nice to finally meet you,” Kara’s aunt showed a sudden interest in Lena.  
Lena assumed she would know about her because she was Kara’s girlfriend.  
“I have been following your work for a while now. I work for Tec enterprise and I’m an admirer of your work.”  
Lena saw Kara’s head rise with pride as she looked at her.  
“I am flattered,” Lena forced a smile.  
Having a work relation present made her more aware of herself, her image as a tough businesswoman might be at stake.  
“I read you married last year, is your husband also present?”  
“I’m sorry, my what?” Lena quirked her brow.  
“The father?” she gestured at Lena’s belly, “I think it’s wonderful when a young couple starts a family. Especially a woman in your position. It’s such an example for many women that you can have a career and a family.”

Lena’s marriage had been published in several business magazines against her wishes.  
Eventually, William had written a statement to prevent speculation and false information from being spread.  
She never bothered to announce her divorce after they broke up.  
Lena regretted that decision now for more people might come who would assume she was still with William.

Skin brushed against the back of her hand, which made her lace her fingers with Kara’s.  
Lena smiled kindly at the woman, “I’m sorry, you are misinformed. I have no husband.” She turned to Kara, “Are you coming, honey? I’d like to find our friends.”  
She dragged Kara with her until they were out of sight.

“That was kinda bad-ass,” Kara laughed.  
Lena didn’t feel like any more of those kinds of encounters, “Can you see them?”  
“See who?” Kara snapped out of her proud gaze.  
“The others!” Lena harshly answered.  
“Oh…Right.” Kara pulled her glasses down and scanned the room, “Yes, they are over there.”  
Far away from the bathrooms, unfortunately.  
“How did she know about your marriage to William, but not about your divorce?” Kara asked as they moved through the crowds.  
“My marriage was featured in a business magazine, but my divorce wasn’t,” she quickly explained.  
Kara’s voice shot an octave higher, “You mean a lot of people still think you are married to him?”  
Lena turned around, “Can you keep your voice down?” she didn’t want to draw any attention. “I never thought about rectifying that information. Can we talk about this later, please? I really don’t want to think about him today.”  
Lena ignored the several sets of curious eyes burning her skin.  
Kara’s gaze flickered around for a short moment until she sighed, “Yeah… Yes, of course.”  
“Good.” Lena turned to get to her friends, but Kara stopped her by holding her wrist.

Agitated as she was, Lena looked up at Kara.  
Unlike Kara, Lena wasn’t wearing heels which made their height difference a lot more present.  
Kara dropped her gaze and sighed, “Lena… Are we okay?” Her lip quivered.

Lena was torn between slapping that sad pout off her face and cradling her close to make sure she knew they were okay.  
She took a step back to take Kara’s full posture in.  
Kara’s shoulders slumped and her face had that sad puppy look.  
Lena’s irritation faded away as she fell for the sapphire blue gazers of her girlfriend.

She stepped forward and placed her hands on Kara’s hips.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m so angry the entire time. I didn’t mean to lash out at you.”  
Kara nodded before she pulled her into a loving embrace.

Lena rested her head beneath Kara’s chin and felt an instant release of stress.  
“I need a nap,” she whined.  
Kara’s chest shook with laughter, “I’ll go find the wedding planner, there must be a place you can rest. Alex told me they asked for a room for you.”  
Lena wrapped her arms tighter around Kara, “Wait! Don’t leave me alone.”

Kara’s hand found her way to the back of Lena’s head.  
She massaged her scalp for two strokes, “Let’s find our friends first, okay?”  
Lena nodded.

Sam took care of Lena from the moment Kara left her with them.  
“Are you okay, Lena? You look pale,” she noted.  
Lena forced her face in a grimace and nodded, “Just tired.”  
“Ruby, can you find Lena a chair please?”  
Without asking questions, Ruby obeyed her mother and rushed off.  
“I know, Lena. It’s a lot.” She spoke softly and offered Lena the opportunity to lean against her without people noticing.

James tried to lighten the mood with some small talk, “We were just talking about how great my sister and Alex looked like a couple. They fit so well together.”  
Lena smiled, she knew James knew little about fashion so he must have picked this up from Nia or M’Gann.  
“Kelly showed me pictures of your wedding last year. You were quite the bride yourself!” he meant to compliment her but Lena didn’t want to be remembered.  
She squinted her eyes as she became light-headed.  
“Ehm… Yeah… Can we please not talk about my last wedding?” she wanted to explain herself further but the air became so hard to breathe, she couldn’t speak anymore.

Sam guided her to the wall where Ruby placed a chair.  
“James, can you get her some water?”  
Lena was glad Sam sent him away before he could ask for clarification.  
“Nia, can you ask around to see if you can find a doctor or a nurse amongst the guests? Be discrete, please!”  
Nia was off before Lena could protest, “Sam, I’m fine!”  
The mention of a doctor got Lena defensive.

Sam was overreacting.  
She didn’t want to make a scené.  
Today was about Kelly and Alex.

A cold hand was pressed against her head.  
“You might be fine,” Sam said calmly, “But I want to be sure I don’t have to worry about my best friend and her baby.”  
Lena steadied her head against the wall of the spinning room.  
“The baby…” she realized, “I don’t think I have felt her move all day… I’m not sure.”  
She placed her hand on her belly as she gasped for air.  
Through her blurred vision, she searched for reassurance with her friend.

“Calm down, Lena. That doesn’t mean anything. Stay with me, okay? I’ll take care of you, don’t worry. Keep breathing.”  
Sam held her hand while Lena started freaking out.  
She wished for Kara at her side, preferably just the two of them.  
There were too many... just too many people.

“What is going on?”  
Lena squeezed Sam’s hand as she recognized Kara’s voice.  
Without warning, Lena was lifted off her chair.  
Her eyes rolled back and the room went dark.

\-------------------------------------------- 

Soft conversations of familiar and unfamiliar voices surrounded her.  
The surface she was laying on was soothingly comfortable to her aching muscles.  
She was turned on her side, supported by someone sitting behind her.

“Hey, Starlight.” Kara was the first person she saw when she opened her eyes, “How are you feeling?”  
Lena put pressure on her hand to push herself up.  
“Stay down, Lena. You just passed out.” Sam appeared to be the one sitting behind her.  
“I passed out?” Lena turned on her back with her fingers massaging her temple.  
“Yeah… I’m sorry about that,” Kara apologized, “I picked you up too quickly.”

Lena strained herself to remember what happened before she blacked out.  
Her eyes shot open as she gasped, “Beanie! Kara, I don’t feel her! I don’t know if she...”  
A man interrupted her, “I need you to calm down, miss Luthor!” He bowed over to appear in her line of vision.  
“Who is this?” Lena felt threatened by the unknown man hanging over her while she felt so vulnerable and confused.  
She waved her arms around until she found Sam and Kara to hold onto. 

“Forgive me. I’m doctor Bremer. I am a friend of the Olsen family. I’d like to examine you. You said you didn’t feel the baby? When was the last time you felt it move?” a friendly-looking man with thick, gray eyebrows asked her.

Lena told him about her bad night’s rest and how glad she was when the little bean stopped moving around 4 am.  
“Oh god, Kara… I was glad she stopped moving. What if-”  
“She’s not! Trust me!” Kara cut her off while she tapped her ear with her finger.

The doctor ignored their little intermezzo and continued with some questions.  
“I have no reason to believe something is wrong with your child. If you don’t feel movement in the next couple of hours I would suggest you’d visit the hospital.”  
His words were comforting though his face still held on to a concerned frown.  
“What is it?” Lena asked as she squeezed Kara’s hand tight.

“I am worried about you, miss Luthor. I doubt that your passing out was related to your pregnancy. I’d suggest you’d take some rest, preferably go home,” he advised.

Lena was offended, she couldn’t leave Kelly and Alex’s wedding.  
“No! I promised to give a speech!” she stubbornly protested. 

He exchanged looks with Sam and Kara and sighed deeply.  
“Don’t stand for too long. Get some rest and go home or back to this room when the party gets too much for you,” he ordered her, “Remember you are carrying life in you. Take your symptoms seriously!”  
“Thank you, Dr. Bremer.” Kara nodded friendly at him which seemed like a signal for him to leave.

Lena focussed on her lover, “Kara, are you sure? I mean… I can’t feel her…”  
Kara smiled weakly, “Her heartbeat is as strong as ever and she looks like she’s sleeping peacefully,” she assured her.  
With help from the other two women, she sat up.  
“Lena,” Sam trailed her hand through Lena’s messed up hair, “What happened?”

Lena shook her head, she didn’t want this attention.  
Today was supposed to be all about Kelly and Alex.  
Just happiness and joy.

“I’m fine,” Lena mumbled, holding on to an idle hope they would let her be.  
“Come on, Lee…” Kara shoved herself at Lena’s side, “You are not okay. We care about you. Please talk.”

Lena’s swallow couldn’t stop her tears from pouring out.  
How could she possibly tell her how much William was on her mind all day?  
How it wasn’t only the little bean who kept her awake, but also flashbacks and nightmares.  
She was working so hard on detaching herself emotionally from William that she left all the contact to Kara until she was strong enough to face him herself.  
She wanted to believe so badly that he had changed, she was about to welcome him back into her life with open arms if she wasn’t stopped.

_“It’s common for victims of abuse to return to their abuser. I have reason to believe that happened to you before with your family. It doesn’t matter if he has changed and if he is genuine, Lena. You need to protect yourself and detach yourself from him. This is your life and it is time to take it back!”_

Most of the time Kelly guided Lena to find her own answers, but a few weeks ago she’d been very confronting.  
Kara and Lena were arguing about William during one of their therapy sessions.  
Unlike Kelly’s usual way to let them solve their problem together, she confronted Lena.

“It’s William, isn’t it?” Kara wrapped her arm around her.  
Lena fumbled with her fingers, “Please, don’t say his name,” she begged.  
“Not saying his name doesn’t make him less persent in your mind,” Kara said.

Sam rubbed Lena’s arm, “I don’t think you need me here right now,” she announced, “I’ll come to pick you up when something happens.”  
She winked at them before she closed the door behind her.

“She’s sweet,” Lena sighed.  
“Yeah, I’m glad she was with you. You do get that I’m not gonna leave your side again,” Kara warned her.  
Lena scoffed before she wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist and snuggled up against her.

“I’m sorry for drawing attention. I didn’t mean to. You should be with your sisters and I should be with them as well.”  
Lena needed to be hard on herself to not wallow in self-pity.  
“That attitude is what caused you to freak out, Lee. Don’t start shoving your feelings back into your itty, bitty, tiny boxes. Not even for a day.” 

Lena took a deep, shivering breath, “I don’t want to think of him, Kara. But I do… And I know he’s not worth it. He is not doing anything wrong, our wedding was fine and yet I am so uneasy today. I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense.” She searched for safety in Kara’s eyes.  
Kara shrugs, “You’re triggered by the wedding. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not, a human brain can make connections you can’t control or understand. And that’s okay.”

Lena released a satisfied humming.  
It turns out Kara paid more attention during their therapy sessions than Lena would have guessed.  
She kissed Kara’s jaw for her understanding, “I love you!”  
Kara chuckled, “Nice try. You’re not getting away with it that easily.”  
“Fine!” Lena grumbled.

They made themselves comfortable with Kara being Lena’s big spoon, soothing her back with her body heat.  
Lena wrapped her hand around Kara’s and laced their fingers close to her chest.

“There are so many people. It’s almost like they are closing in on me,” Lena noted.  
“It’s a lot.” Kara’s sigh warmed Lena’s neck. “Try to focus on me and our friends. When it gets too much… It’s okay to pull back. You can always grab my hand and I will guide you to a quiet place, okay? I promise.”  
A relieved smile appeared on Lena’s face.  
She took Kara’s hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. 

“I feel like such a dumb failure because I married him,” for Lena, blurting out what came to her mind proved to be the best way to release her raw feelings.  
If she thought about how she had to word her feelings or where to begin, she often got lost in her mind and forgot how to speak at all.  
“I have always loved you. Always! A life alone should have been a better option than marrying someone else.”  
Kara kissed her neck, “You loved him back then and you didn’t know I loved you. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for trying to find happiness.”  
With those words, she silenced Lena’s self-blame.

“Is it strange that I link the wedding to everything that came after?” Lena whispered as her mind was starting to calm down.  
Laying in Kara’s arms was the best cure for every anxiety.  
“It doesn’t.”  
“Before the wedding, William and I were fine. I think we were happy.”  
Kara pulled her face away from Lena’s neck. “Do you think you would still be happy with him if you didn’t marry him?”  
“Yes… No… Maybe... I don’t know…”  
Kara winched at her answer.  
“I mean if I don’t take into consideration how much happier you make me… I am just sad about all that happened between him and me after our wedding.”  
Kara released a deep breath, “And I am responsible for what changed between you.”  
The remorse in her voice was painful for Lena to hear, “I think you were an accelerant…” she figured, “Sooner or later, even if I never cheated on him, it would have gone downhill with us. I don’t know how and I don’t know when… Maybe this was even the best option out of all the possible outcomes, I don’t know… Our breakup was always inevitable.”  
The feeling of Kara’s nose brushing against the skin of her neck sent a pleasant shiver through her spine.  
“Just like you and me.” Lena smiled softly.

Lena was dozing in when Kara asked, “Would you do it again?”  
“Hmm?”  
“A wedding… Would you do it again?” she whispered.  
“Hell no,” Lena mumbled.  
If she could do it all over, she would never marry him again.  
“Oh…”

\--------------------------------------------

When she woke up, she heard soft snoring behind her.  
She didn’t get how people could complain about a snoring partner.  
Lena enjoyed the soothing sound of her sleeping beauty.  
Whenever Kara was asleep, all was peaceful.  
It was as if her body sunk deeper into the mattress when she listened to her.  
The first time she heard her, she was surprised her perfect Kryptonian could even snore.  
Since Kara couldn’t get a cold or any other human defect, she assumed her girlfriend would be perfectly silent or didn’t need sleep at all.  
That was inaccurate.  
Occasionally, Kara floated in her sleep which was as cute as it was annoying for she took the covers with her in the air and Lena would get cold.

Something shifted behind her belly button which made her gasp with joy.  
“Your baby is awake,” Kara moaned sleepily.  
Lena giggled, “Yes, and so is our little bean.” She made Kara laugh together with her.

Lena guided Kara’s hand down so she could feel the little bean move, Kara loved the sensation of tiny life moving beneath her fingers.  
The first time the blonde could feel their baby move, tears welled up in her eyes.

“Hmm… I love you. Both of you!” Kara’s touch gently followed the movements beneath her skin.  
“Do you feel a little better?”  
Lena was amazed at how well the little bean and Kara could move together, almost like a dance.  
The tenderness in Kara’s fingers often overwhelmed Lena with love.  
“I feel a lot better, actually. After you are done dancing with our bean, I think I’m ready to go back.”

Kara popped herself up while Lena struggled to get in a sitting position.  
“Do you want me to fix your hair?” Kara got on her knees behind her girlfriend.

The blonde wasn’t the visual artist with hair Kelly was, but feeling Kara’s fingers brush over her scalp was something else.  
Kara’s touch was love itself.

A knock on the door got Lena out of her trance.  
“Come in!” Kara answered.  
“No fiddle?” Sam asked from behind the door.  
“NO FIDDLE!” Lena yelled slightly embarrassed.

Lena would prefer to keep Kara in the dark about this inside joke she had with Sam.  
With the rate Sam was teasing her around Kara, her girlfriend must find out sooner or later.

Sam peeked her head between the door, “In 10 minutes they’re gonna cut the cake.”  
“Cake!” Kara jumped up.  
Lena immediately missed Kara’s fingertips in her hair.

\----------------------------------------

Lena didn’t pay much attention to the cutting of the cake.  
In her opinion, it was just a ritual glorified to an important status, while they would have dinner two hours later.  
William liked the idea of the cake, so she went along with it as she did with the entire wedding.  
Just signing wedding papers and a small ceremony in a nice place with only their closest friends would have been enough for Lena.  
She already had to endure all the extravagant gala’s in her role as CEO of L-Corp, she didn’t need that for her wedding.

Alex gave a word of thanks to everybody who came to celebrate this special day with them before they sliced the first piece of the cake.  
Since Lena had already seen a sample of the unicorn cake, she didn’t have to stay on her feet to get the best view.  
Seeing the pictures afterward would be good enough for her.  
Besides… She could enjoy Kara’s cheerful face to the fullest from down there at the table.  
Kara’s expression was like that of a child who got a puppy for Christmas.  
A calming warmth flowed through her body from her toes up to her ears as she watched the Kryptonian doing her repressed victory dance.  
Kara balled her fists and made a little, uncontrolled jump.  
Her twinkling eyes could light the darkest sky.  
Her bright smile could lift Lena up high when she was feeling down.

Kara kissed her head, “I’m gonna get us a piece!”  
Lena wanted to tell her to get her just a little piece, but she was already off with Nia following in her footsteps.

“Should I go after them?” Brainy asked while the tips of his fingers touched each other in front of him.  
Lena chuckled, “No, Brainy. Come sit with me.” She tapped the seat next to her.  
Ruby sat down across the table from Lena, “Gosh, I love this wedding. I’m glad Kelly makes Alex happy. She deserves happiness.”  
“You seem to be fond of Alex,” Lena smiled.  
“I am… Alex is a bad-ass, she is smart and she helps me with my homework whenever I’m stuck!” She shot a glance at the couple. “Do you think Alex is pretty, Lena?”  
Lena raised her eyebrows at that question, “Ow… Well… I never looked at her that way… But I guess… Yes.”  
Ruby jerked her eyes away from Alex, “So… When are you getting married, Lena?”  
The suddenness of the change of subject got Lena out of balance, “I’m not getting married!”  
“Oh come on, you will be gorgeous in a white dress.”  
“If you and your mom didn’t cancel on my last wedding, you would have seen me in a white dress,” she sneered back at the teasing teenager.  
Ruby chuckled, “So… no wedding for you?”  
“I’m still recovering from the last one,” she scoffed, “So, no. No wedding for me!”

Sam and Nia came back first with pieces for themselves, Brainy and Ruby.  
“Oh my god… It’s a unicorn, rainbow cake. Look at all the colors!” Nia cheered.  
“So, Alex got her very gay-cake, I see.” Sam joked.  
“I love it!” Nia’s eyes were fixated on her platter.  
She attacked the cake with the passion of a Kryptonian.  
“What is your dream-cake, Lena? Oh, a Dream-cake!” she nudged Brainy, “I love that idea! But seriously,” she swallowed the food she was chewing, “What cake do you want for your wedding?”  
“I don’t want a cake!” Lena made clear, she just wanted the focus to shift away from her.  
“No cake at your wedding?” Sam added.  
“No wedding! Gezus, guys… Go focus on your food or something.” Lena pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation as she squinted her eyes.

A plate was placed before her with a thumping sound.  
Kara slumped down in the chair next to Lena and lowered her head.  
With a kiss on her cheek and the whisper of, “I love you,” Kara’s crinkle smoothed out.

“Kara, what’s your dream wedding cake?” Nia asked.  
Kara shook her head and took a bite, “None… No wedding, no cake!” she mumbled.  
“Oh come on… You must have an idea for your perfect cake.”  
Lena watched how her girlfriend ignored one of her best friends.  
To see Kara act like that pinched in her heart.  
Although Lena had no idea why Kara bowed her head, she recognized the disappointed look on her face.

“How about an ideal birthday cake?” Lena tried to compromise.  
Kara cocked her head, “That’s not the same. A birthday cake is for me alone. A wedding cake is for you and the one you love. So… No wedding cake.”  
Lena was confused, knowing Kara, she would have a cake idea for every occasion.  
“Hypothetically, if we would ever get married… What would you pick for a wedding cake, Kara?” Lena placed her hand on Kara’s.  
It took Kara more time than usual to chew her food.  
When she swallowed one corner of her mouth curled up as she locked her eyes with Lena’s.  
“A Carebear cake!” She admitted with a childish giggle.  
Lena squeezed her hand at the silly but very cute idea.  
“You are such a dork.” Lena chuckled.  
“Yeah... but I guess I’m your dork!”

Alex joined them at the table, “Hey, can I sit with you guys for a second? And please pretend we are having an interesting conversation I can’t walk away from.” She rolled her eyes.  
“You are always welcome to discuss anything and lose every argument,” Lena smirked.  
“Don’t challenge me, Luthor! Everybody wants my attention and I need a break. Kelly is way more polite than me, she is still talking to my great aunt,” Alex sighed as she rested her chin on her palms.  
“You left her with your great aunt?” Sam asked.  
“She is a psychologist! She’ll be fine… What were you guys talking about?”  
“The cake!” Ruby answered before anyone else could.  
Alex bowed towards her, “And what do you think of the cake?”  
“It’s very gay!”  
Alex fist-pumped, “Exactly what we were going for.”

They talked about all the choices for the ceremony and party for Alex loved to hear what they were thinking.  
Kelly joined the group of friends by wrapping her arms around her wife, “Am I interrupting, anything?”  
“That’s my wife!” Alex chuckled as she pointed over her shoulder, “And you escaped great aunt Thelma.”  
“Leave me again with your old family members and I’ll file for divorce!” Kelly threatened.  
Kelly joined the table to receive the much-deserved compliments for their appearances, wedding venue, ceremony, and gay cake.

Before they left to mingle with the other guests again, Alex needed Lena alone for a few seconds.  
She took her to the hallway, “Did you find the room we got for you to rest?” she checked.  
“Yes, I slept very well. Thank you.”  
Alex shuffled on her feet as her eyes avoided Lena’s.  
“But that’s not why you wanted to talk to me.” Lena squinted her eyes.  
“I… You know… I have always pictured my wedding to be somewhat cliché. Like in a rom-com, you know…” Alex explained nervously.  
Lena smiled at that description.  
“And that… That includes a toast… with champagne.” She lifted her hands in defense. “Now I know that I can also use non-alcoholic and that I don’t need it. But it’s not really about the need… It’s more about my childhood dreams.” She raised her eyebrows expectantly as she finally made eye contact.  
“Your childhood dream was to drink alcohol at your wedding?” Lena crossed her arms in front of her and pulled up her left eyebrow.  
Alex pulled her lips into a thin line and sighed, “It sounds silly if you put it like that. I just wanted to get your opinion on it, since we made a deal… But it’s okay, it’s stupid.”

A pang of guilt crept up on Lena.  
The not drinking deal was to get Alex out of her self destructive habit.  
She had to find other ways to cope when she was feeling down or hurt, but their deal was never meant to take away all the joy.  
Lena knew very well how relaxing drinking could be on a day like this.  
Denying Alex her one glass of champagne felt hypocritical since Lena was drunk on her wedding day.  
She couldn’t say no to Alex.

“I get it… You know I was drunk at my wedding.” She rolled her eyes at herself.  
“It’s not even about the alcohol… It’s just… The idea,” Alex sighed.  
Lena nodded, “Control is also important, Al… Just drink one and enjoy it for both of us. Can you promise me that?”  
Alex smiled, “I won’t disappoint you!”

\------------------------------------

The brides sat at the dinner table together with their mothers, siblings, and Lena.  
Before the appetizer arrived Kelly shared a look with Lena, “You ready?”  
Lena smiled in response, she was ready.  
She stood up and drew the crowd's attention by tapping her silverware against her glass.  
The sounds of the many guests died out as faces turned towards her.

Lena was used to speaking in public, she had done it many times before.  
But all those times she was speaking as the CEO Lena Luthor, whether it was to promote a product, an idea, her company, or Supergirl.  
This time she’d be speaking as the person Lena, the close friend Lena, she was just Lena.  
Without her CEO armor, she was naked.

“Dear beloved, family, and friends of the brides, may I have your attention please?”  
She took a deep breath to calm down her racing heartbeat.  
“I’m glad you came in great numbers to show your love and support for these two wonderful women. Kelly and Alex have asked me to give a little speech. I can hear you think: Isn’t Alex’s sister better fitted to give a speech about Alex? Isn’t Kelly’s brother more qualified to talk about Kelly? The answer to that is; yes!”  
The soft chuckle that waved through the room gave Lena confidence.  
“For those who do not know me… My name is Lena and these two women took me in when I was at a low point in my life. Yes, it’s me… I am their practice child!” she caressed her hands lovingly over her belly, which caused a bit of murmur, “I’m lucky to ask two experts for advice whenever I can’t handle my mini-me.”  
Lena waited patiently till the laughter faded.  
“In the months I lived with them I got to know them as individuals but more than anyone else; as a couple! I witnessed their ups and their downs. Their arguments and makeups. If you ask me what it is that makes them so perfect for each other… I would have to say it’s their balance.”  
A glance at the couple revealed two women looking at each other with adoration.  
“When one is rushing into conclusions or emotions are overflowing, the other is patient. When one is being strict, the other is caring. When one is at a loss for words, the other talks. When one is weak, the other is strong… It doesn’t even matter which name you fit in which role. Alex and Kelly easily switch.”  
She waited a moment to enjoy Kara’s little giggle.  
Ruby almost choked on her drink while a few individuals amongst the guests muffled their laughter.  
“I knew Alex as my best friend’s sister and Kelly as her girlfriend… But that all changed when they selflessly took me in. They are the most caring people I know. Without them, I don’t know who I would be now.”  
Alex and Kelly both had a shimmering of tears in their eyes when they looked up at Lena.

Lena took a deep breath to brace herself for the next part of her speech.  
“I was never the person to ask for help. But the day I had to, I chose Alex. I needed someone who could be discrete and I had reasons to believe Alex could be.”  
Her mind went back to the moment Alex found out about all her old bruises.  
She swallowed that pain away.  
“My walls were sky high and better guarded than Hadrian’s wall. But Kelly managed to get through. She weakened me by removing one brick at a time until I was able to let her in.”  
Lena ignored her trembling voice as she continued, “They offered me a place to stay. At first, it felt like a failure, but it turned out to be the bravest decision I ever made.”  
She took a sip of water to smooth her dry throat.  
The stare of Kara’s aunt made her hesitate.  
Lena had the reputation of an unbreakable businesswoman, going on might change everything.  
She glanced over to Sam, who smiled encouragingly at her.  
If Lena would fall from grace, Sam would run L-Corp in the spotlight and Lena would step back into the shadow.  
Her eyes fell upon the brides, who meant so much to her.  
So much, the world should know.  
“There were days the world was too scary to face,” she continued, “I couldn’t get out of bed or didn’t speak at all… Kelly and Alex were there. Kelly prepared light meals for me and made sure I knew it was okay to not be okay… Alex read to me. I ignored her, pretended to be asleep even. But she sat down beside me and read to me anyway. She stayed with me, even though I didn’t respond to anything. I wasn’t alone.”  
Lena squinted her eyes in an attempt to keep her tears from spilling.  
“She fell asleep in the chair next to the bed until Kelly got home and convinced you that I would come when I was ready… She was right. The next day was a little bit better.”  
With her smile, the first tear escaped.  
“Kelly taught me how to cook. Alex took me cycling. They were both very patient when I got angry without a reason… To make it clear, I was in a bad place. I’m not just a bitch, I was at war with myself! Totally valid reason to not be yourself for a while,” she made clear to the guests.  
“But it didn’t make me a fun person to be around. They didn’t care. Sometimes they gave me some tough love, but most of the time they offered me distraction or were kind and understanding. They changed me for the better. Together as a team.”  
Lena released a breath and wiped away her tears, the hardest part was over.  
“They are an example of what love is. They were parents to me when I was small as a child… And I’m glad that happened. Because strangely, they are the best examples of parents I even had. I am scared to death to become a mother… But I can always fall back on the lessons they taught me. The example Kelly and Alex are to me... And I hope I can drop my kid off once in a while.”  
Lena chuckled at the way Alex beamed at her suggestion.

“Anyway… I wish them all many happy years with all the luck in the world. I don’t have to hope they will make each other happy, because I know they will. I want to ask all of you to raise your glass to Kelly and Alex who have so much to offer to the world… and each other.”  
Many glasses were raised, including Alex’s glass of champagne.  
“Cheers!” Lena gave a nod at the couple.

As if timed perfectly, the appetizers arrived when Lena finished her toast.  
When she sat down she was immediately pulled into an embrace by Kara, “I’m so proud of you.”  
Her cheeks were wet with tears, but her eyes shined like the sun.  
She kissed Lena’s lips before she rested her forehead against Lena’s.  
“I’ve been such a fool,” she whispered, “I should have been there for you instead of hunting him.”  
Lena shook her head, “You did what you thought was best.”  
Kara sniffed, “I should have-” she was cut off by Lena’s finger against her lips.  
“Later, my love. We are good now. We are at a wedding and they are serving food.”  
Her finger traced down to Kara’s chin as her lips explored those of her blonde lover like nobody was watching.

Between the courses, Kelly was the first to walk around the table.  
Her arms slid over Lena’s shoulders to cross in front of her chest, her cheek pressed against Lena’s.  
“I loved the speech. Thank you.”  
The kiss on her cheek made Lena blush.  
“Okay, scoot! My turn!” She heard Alex say.  
“No, I wanna hold my practice child a little longer.” Kelly joked.  
Lena could feel herself warm up to the love she received from the couple while she already had gotten so much from them before.  
Kara made room for Alex so she could also wrap her arms around Lena without driving Kelly away.  
“I need to hold my baby!” Alex teased as she pressed her cheek against the other side of Lena’s face.  
“Oh, shut up Danvers!” Lena muttered while being smothered.  
“It’s Danvers-Olsen now, get used to that!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Kara entered the stage to assist with the first dance.  
Lena made sure she sat close to the small stage where Alex stepped upon after she left her bride alone on the dance floor.  
With a shaking hand, she brought a microphone to her mouth.  
Alex didn’t say sweet words like Lena expected.

“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help, falling in love with you!” she sang with a slight tremble in her voice.  
A proud smiling Kelly held her hand in front of her mouth.  
The piano started playing and Kara took over the microphone as she helped her sister off the stage.  
Alex held her hand out for her wife to take.

“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help, falling in love with you?”  
Kara had agreed upon singing the first dance if Alex would sing a small part as well.

Lena was torn between wanting to see the brides share their intimate moment and watch the love of her life sing on stage.  
She forced herself to watch the dance even though the sound of Kara’s voice made her heart beat faster.  
When Mrs. Danvers and Mrs. Olsen took over to finish the dance with their own daughter, Lena lifted herself off her seat with help from Ruby.  
Lena couldn’t resist admiring Kara any longer.  
As their eyes met, Kara got to the edge of the stage and invited her on stage.  
Lena rested her hand in Kara’s palm.

“Take my hand. Take my whole life too.”  
Kara pulled her on stage and immediately wrapped her free arm around her waist.  
“For I can’t help, falling in love with you!”  
Lena cuddled up against her singing angel.  
They cradled slowly from side to side as Lena lay her head to rest at Kara’s shoulder and closed her eyes.  
Kara was a treat to all her senses.  
The hand on the small of her back, the slow movement Kara captured her in, the voice that shut out all the harm from the world.  
Lena was enchanted by the blue-eyed Kryptonian.

The applause got Lena out of her trance.  
“Darling, I’m gonna sing a couple more songs to get the party started. Do you wanna stay here or sit down?” 

Lena chose to get off the stage and give Kara space to perform.

“Dear guests. I’m sorry to announce that the brides have asked me to sing a few songs they selected for tonight before we let the DJ have his way. The first song is special to Kelly and Alex. They call it their song. Feel free to use the dance floor and enjoy the party.”

Watching Kara on stage was something else.  
The shy and sweet blonde was gone, she turned into a force of nature that took over the ballroom with her infectious energy.

“When nobody believes me, I know you will. When nobody can reach me, I know you will. When nobody can please me, I know you will.”  
Kara stole glances from Lena, who busted herself biting her lower lip and scanning the blonde up and down.  
“Whoa, You get me, you get me home. You get me, you get me home. With you, I know I’m home!”

“Close your mouth, you’re fangirling over your girlfriend.” Sam joked.  
Lena tore her eyes away from Kara, she was completely flustered as she swallowed the puddle of saliva that had formed inside her mouth.

\--------------------------------------------------

Heavy eyelids fought against gravity while her lover was dancing without any sign of exhaustion.  
“You know it’s okay to lie down. We didn’t hire that room for nothing,” Kelly squatted beside Lena.  
“Yeah, well… You only marry once…” she yawned.  
“Oh, you will be in our lives for many more highlights to come,” Kelly chuckled, “You need your rest, come on!”  
Lena sat up, “Oh, you guys are going to the adoption agency tomorrow, right?”  
Kelly helped Lena out of the chair, “We rescheduled so we could just enjoy each other this weekend as newlyweds. I figured we needed some rest after the wedding.”  
Lena let herself be ushered out of the ballroom, “So, when?”  
“Monday.”  
“That’s quick enough.”

Lena wouldn’t admit it, but she was glad someone took her out of that crowded room and forced her to rest.  
“I’m exhausted,” she sighed as she sat down on the bed.  
Kelly started fumbling with Lena’s hair to let it down again.  
“I was really impressed by your speech. A year ago you couldn’t show yourself like that. You came a long way, Lena. That was very brave of you... You know, you didn’t have to do that.” Kelly’s voice was soft.  
Lena was thankful that Kelly let her hair down, with her aching back she couldn’t reach it.  
“No… I had to,” Lena answered, “You taught me it’s strong to be vulnerable. You guys did so much for me… I wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for me.”  
“Sweetie…” Kelly hopped down next to Lena, “You should really credit yourself more! You fought for yourself. Yes, Alex and I stood by you… But you walked through hell alone, we could only cheer from the side and wait for you at the exit.”

Not convinced by her achievement, Lena nodded, “You should head back to your wedding.”  
“Yeah… I should.” Kelly bowed her head. “I should head back…” She remained seated.  
The lack of movement worried Lena, “Kelly, what is it?” She touched Kelly’s shoulder. “Aren’t you enjoying your own wedding?”  
Kelly placed her hands behind her, she leaned backward and lolled her head in her neck, “It's not that… I… I don’t have a good feeling about the adoption agency.”  
Lena frowned her brows, “Why’s that?”  
The bride rested her elbows on her knees, “I looked into their files, on their sites and everywhere I looked, I could only find white, straight couples they were able to match…”  
“That could be just poor marketing…” Lena suggested.  
“Yeah… It could be…”  
“Are you afraid they might put you on the bottom of the pile?”  
Kelly nodded, “Or worse…”

Kelly’s worry sounded valid to Lena.  
She had never given much thought to the objectivity of adoption agencies.

“Aren’t there other agencies?” she asked.  
“There are,” Kelly nodded, “but Alex has put all her money on this one and she thinks it’s a bad idea to change.”  
“Why don’t you sign in to more agencies? Spread your chances,” Lena suggested.  
Kelly turned her head to face Lena and sighed before she turned her head away.  
“Money?” Lena concluded.  
The absence of response said everything.  
“Kelly, come on! You know I have more than I can spend. Let me help!”  
She held up her hand to stop Lena from offering, “Look, Lena… I appreciate your offer, but Alex’s ego almost caved from you paying for the wedding.”

Lena didn’t get the problem for she would never think less of Kelly and Alex.  
Their hearts were richer than those of many, unfortunately, they lacked the money to match their golden heart.

“What if you’re right?” Lena was so determined to help them, “What if that agency indeed doesn’t match children with gay parents and parents of color? Would you risk Alex’s motherhood for her ego?” She was willing to play dirty. “You know her ego will heal but her mourning mother-heart will have a rotting wound!”

Kelly gasped, “You’re good,” she squinted her eyes. “And mean!”  
Lena sat up straight and turned her upper body towards Kelly, “I tell you what we are going to do. And I won’t take no, that’s not an option!” she made clear.  
“You are gonna find more agencies. I don’t care how many, we are gonna get you guys your child! Don’t tell Alex unless she asks or you are matched. If her favored agency isn’t racist or homophobic and you get matched, that’s great, she never has to know. But if it is, you will have other agencies to fall back upon.”  
“Lena, do you still keep things from Kara? Because if you do, we should prioritize that in your next session. You shouldn’t lie to your woman!” Kelly pointed out.  
“Okay, fine! What you tell Alex is on you…” Lena rolled her eyes.  
“I can’t just take your money, Lena.”

Lena had no patience for a discussion about the money she didn’t need.  
“I can buy the agency, you know that!” she made it sound like a threat.  
Kelly scoffed, “Anger buying companies is not a healthy coping style!”  
“It works for me.” Lena shrugs, “What if we make a deal?”  
She finally had Kelly’s interest, “What would you suggest?”  
“I pay for everything you need to get yourself a kid… And you and your wife will babysit our little bean once a month.” She offered.  
To Lena’s annoyance, Kelly shook her head, “Not good enough. We will babysit once a week!”  
“Deal!” Lena smiled in relief.

Tired from the negotiation, Lena curled up on the bed.  
Kelly laughed, “We just made a business deal over the heads of our children,” she concluded, “Thank you for being so stubborn to help us.”  
“Thank you for telling me,” Lena smiled, “I think the little bean is happy as well, she’s kicking… Wanna feel?”  
A wide smile decorated Kelly’s face.

\-----------------------------------------------

She was on a boat.  
No.  
She was in a carriage…  
Her body rocked gently to movements she didn’t cause.  
When she opened her eyes, she was laying in Kara’s arms.

Without waking her up, Kara managed to get her into the back of a cab.  
She must have been exhausted to keep dreaming.

“Hey, Funshine,” her voice cracked.  
“Hey, Starlight,” Kara kissed her head, “We’re home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, writing a cheerful wedding chapter when the weather sucks like this and the lockdown keeps going on was a challenge.
> 
> If you want to know the songs they sang:  
> \- I can't help falling in love with you, original by Elvis  
> \- Home, by ZZ Ward  
> The second song always reminds me of Dansen because they call each other 'home' and this song fits perfectly.  
> Also, I think Melissa would slay this song with her voice!
> 
> Anyway,  
> Family expansion is coming soon.  
> So is more angst of course.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and let me know what you think.  
> I read all the comments and they all motivate and inspire me.  
> So thank you for all your support and for reading, I hope you'll stick around.
> 
> -X-


	24. Ms. Pisley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is bothering Kara after the wedding, they need to talk about.  
> Lena has an acute case of nesting urge, which results in her talking about her childhood with Kara.  
> Kelly and Alex have their meeting with the adoption agency, which does not go as planned.  
> Lena and Kara have to intervene.

_“I’m out. Home before dinner. -X- K”_

Lena had found the note on the kitchen counter when she went looking for Kara earlier in the afternoon.  
She slept so well, she never noticed Kara leaving. 

The note bothered Lena, for Kara was rarely this distant in words.  
A note usually started and ended with their nicknames and a sweet message somewhere, like ‘I love you’ or ‘I left pudding in the fridge’.  
The closest thing to a sign of love was ‘-X- K’.   
Kara only used ‘-X- K’ at the bottom of a grocery list.

When Lena tried to text her, Kara’s phone lightened up at the coffee table.  
She contacted Nia and J’onn if they heard anything from her or if there were any Supergirl related disturbances.  
There was none which was as comforting as it was disturbing, for Lena had no clue what Kara was doing.

Lena had to put her worry aside and just wait for dinner time to find out why Kara left with such a cold note.  
A warm bath and a good book, Lena got through the biggest part of the day, though she forgot how hard it was to get out of the bathtub without help.

Her feelings balanced between anger and worry all day.  
Since the wedding, they only kissed each other good night without really saying anything.  
Lena knew there were some unresolved issues Kara wanted to talk about but Lena refused to do so during the wedding.  
Maybe that’s why Kara left…  
It would have been nice for Lena to know what Kara’s state of mind was when she went away.  
The note gave her the impression that Kara wasn’t feeling particularly sunny today.

In one of the moments she felt worried for Kara, Lena started preparing potstickers for when she’d return.  
When her mood switched to anger, she wanted to dump the progress in the trash can.   
Lena was strongly against throwing away food, that’s the only reason why she didn’t do it.  
But she would surely find a way to punish Kara for leaving like that.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Lena’s mood had swung to worry when Kara finally came through the door.  
She was quick to her feet to greet the blonde with a firm hug.  
Kara placed one hand between Lena’s shoulder blades to keep her close.  
Her skin was cold beneath Lena’s touch, though she didn’t care, she was too relieved to hold Kara in her arms again. 

After Lena recovered from her first impulse to hold her girlfriend, she pushed herself away.  
“How dare you leave just a stupid little note?! Where were you? I’ve been worried sick!” Lena was displeased with Kara and she was determined to let her know.  
Kara lowered her head, “I… I had to return something to the store.”  
“Return what?” Lena sneered.  
“Just something that didn’t fit…” Kara explained, “it’s not important.”  
Lena crossed her arms in front of her, “You were gone all day!”  
Red eyes revealed themselves when Kara lifted her chin, “I just needed some fresh air.”

Kara had been crying, Lena knew her well enough by now to be certain of that.  
She softened her expression, her hand palmed Kara’s cheek, “I’m sorry, I came at you so strong. But we agreed to talk, not run… or fly.”   
Kara closed her eyes and gave Lena a weak nod.

Lena thought it would be best to get the words out of Kara throughout the evening.  
Even though they both improved massively, they still weren’t the best at talking about their feelings.  
Especially Kara, who tended to fly off and carry weight on her own instead of sharing with Lena.

She kissed Kara’s lips, “I made you potstickers,” she said softly.  
Kara smiled, “I got you flowers.”  
She showed the bouquet of white plumerias she kept hidden from Lena’s eye the entire time.

Lena’s heart jumped, “They are beautiful, Kara. To what do I owe them?”  
“Just because I love you?” she shrugs, “And… because I realized the note was a bit cold…”  
“A bit? The freezer warmed me more than your note did,” Lena joked, “Go sit, I’ll get your potstickers ready.” 

She put a plate of potstickers in front of them on the table.  
“You know, I did promise myself to punish you later for leaving me that shitty note. You pissed me off!” Lena warned.  
Kara frowned, “I didn’t mean to.”  
With her arms wrapped around her legs, Kara had pulled her knees to her chest.

Lena was able to grab the first potsticker, which was odd considering Kara usually sneaked in some super speed to grab the first and the last.  
She stared blankly ahead.  
“Kara?”  
Without changing her gaze she said, “Do you love me, Lena?”  
Lena was struck by her question, “I… Well, of course, I do. Have I given you the idea that I don’t?” she answered while chewing.  
Unmoved, Kara tonelessly asked, “Are you planning on staying with me until death will separate us?”  
In one breath Lena answered, “Honey, I will haunt you after death! What’s going on? Where’s this coming from?”  
Absentmindedly, Kara stared ahead without responding to Lena, who was already scooting closer.  
“Kara?”   
Lena tried to get her attention by stroking her hair, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

Kara pulled her knees even closer, she hid her face between them.  
The jerking of her body gave away her silent tears.  
Lena was so confused as to where Kara’s sorrow was coming from that it took her a moment to respond.  
She pulled Kara into a loving embrace.  
Kara gave in and let herself rest against Lena.

“My Funshine… What gave you the idea I didn’t love you anymore?” Lena’s voice trembled.  
The idea that Kara might not feel loved by her was painful.  
“You must know I do… I do love you, Kara… I made potstickers even though I was pissed that you left with only a tiny shitty note for me to find. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.” Lena tried to convince Kara.  
Finally, Kara moved on her own accord with her arms wrapping around Lena and her face hidden on Lena’s chest.  
Lena gave her time to cry her eyes dry as she soothed her girlfriend into comfort.

Kara sat back up, “I’m sorry I messed up.” She dried her tears with the sleeve of her pink sweater. “I should have been there for you… You needed me. But instead, I was hunting down William… I thought I was protecting you, but I was focussing on the wrong person…” Kara’s voice was fragile.  
Lena squeezed her hand while she listened.  
“I should have been the one who was patient with you. I should have been the one who read stories to you and held your hand. I should have been the one who dried your tears… But I left you in the care of my sister and her girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, they did great and I’m thankful… But it should have been me,” Kara was rambling.  
Lena stopped her before she could enter more blame to the pile, “Stop it, Kara. Just stop!”  
Kara pressed her lips together tightly.  
“We both didn’t know what to do with the situation. I was hurt, and confused, and I didn’t make it easy for you to stay with me… Yet you did!”  
She shut her eyes trying to push the memories from that period away.  
Even though she rather not talked about it, she knew she had to… for Kara.  
“Look… When you got hurt by the attack from that Alien Gang a while ago, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who got hurt on my honeymoon. Seeing you in pain was harder to me than being in pain… I was powerless against your pain. I can only imagine how you must have felt…”   
A big lump formed in Lena’s throat.  
“I know I was lucky… So lucky to have you, Alex, and Kelly to keep me from going back to him. Who helped me heal… Yes, you weren’t around for a while but I don’t think I was ready to let you in at that point. Alex and Kelly were further away from me, which made it easier for them to help me and easier for me to let them in. I had nothing to lose with them… With you,” she swallowed thick, “I had everything to lose because you were my everything.”  
Kara’s watery blue eyes locked with Lena’s ocean green’s.   
“Kara, you are my everything! Don’t you ever dare to doubt that again!” Lena said sternly.

Her bottom lip trembled as she turned her gaze away from Lena.  
Fear struck Lena’s heart, “Don’t you believe me?” she asked straight forward.  
“I do. I do…” she was quick to answer.  
“But?” Lena was certain there was more to come.  
“But… You don’t want to marry me.” Kara confronted her.

Lena was speechless.  
This must have been what was bothering Kara.  
And this pissed Lena off.

“Kara, are you kidding me?” She lashed out, “I just ended a marriage. I recently divorced as you might know. Getting married again wasn’t on my to-do list yet and it has nothing to do with you, Kara. Nothing!”  
Lena raised her voice, “I don’t need a fucking wedding to spent the rest of my life with you!”  
A pain shot through her abdomen, making her cry out.  
Kara was quick to worry about her.  
“Don’t you dare to touch me, I’m not done!” Lena warned her.  
She took a sharp breath through her nose, “I don’t want to marry, Kara. I might change my mind, but don’t put your hopes up because I am simply not ready.” She released a deep breath which calmed her, “That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you to Argo and back shoved inside a tiny pod listening to shitty techno music smelling your sweaty feet.”  
“I have smelly feet?” Kara reacted surprised.  
“When you don’t have your powers… You have smelly, sweaty feet!”  
Kara’s eyes grew large while her mouth stood agape from Lena’s outburst.  
Again, a pain pierced Lena’s belly which made her grunt out, “And still I love you to pieces!”  
Something went wrong, Lena could feel it.  
“Now, eat your fucking potstickers before they get cold, I have to go because I just peed myself!”

Lena left Kara with her plate of potstickers to clean herself up.  
She was so upset that a shower might wash her adrenaline away.  
Being away from Kara also seemed like a good idea to calm herself down.

As the first drops fell on her body, guilt also hit her.  
She had been hard on Kara.  
On the other hand… Kara could have talked to her about her opinion about marriage instead of behaving like a kicked-puppy.

When she stepped out of the shower, she concluded that she shouldn’t have shouted at Kara.  
Shouting at your loved one is never the best idea.  
That didn’t take back the fact that Lena thought she was in her right to do so.  
She still loves Kara to pieces…  
Maybe she should focus on that and not talk about marriage for a while.

As she was drying herself, the baby demanded attention with a powerful movement that came so unexpected, it made Lena grunt out in pain.  
She clutched to the lower part of her belly when the door was torn off its hinges.   
“What’s wrong?” Kara asked worriedly while still holding the door in her hands.  
“You broke the fucking door! That’s what’s wrong!” Lena yelled.  
“You were in pain!” Kara screamed back.  
“Baby kicked, nothing special.”   
Lena straightened her aching back.  
She continued drying herself, ignoring Kara who was looking at her.

With just two steps, Kara was with her, holding out her robe to put on.  
“She is hurting you more lately, isn’t she?” Kara concluded with a soft voice.  
Overwhelmed by Kara’s care, Lena stopped her motions.  
“Yeah… Well… She is getting bigger, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.” She allowed Kara to close her robe. “I read about women who had bruises on the outside of their skin from kicking babies.” Lena lightened the mood with a useless fact.  
“Gosh, that sounds intense.” Kara pulled up her nose while she tied a knot to shut Lena’s robe.  
“It does! And it also makes our little bean sound like an angel,” Lena smiled.  
“That’s because she is an angel! She is yours!”   
“She’s ours, Kara.” Lena placed her forehead against Kara’s, “Ours!”

By holding onto Lena’s robe, Kara kept her close to her chest.  
Lena wrapped her arms around Kara, “I’m sorry for yelling at you,” she caved, “I was acting like a Luthor.”  
“No…” Kara shook her head, “You were reacting hormonal… But I guess you were right. I never considered you not wanting to get married… I just assumed we would get married like human couples are supposed to do… I’m sorry.” Her voice was so small, Lena wanted to cradle her and never let her go.

“Did you eat your potstickers?” She changed the subject.  
Kara smiled, “Almost. I left you the last one.”  
“Well, if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!” Lena joked.

\------------------------------------------

On Monday Lena was bored.  
Kara was working at Catco and she had already wished Alex and Kelly good luck at the adoption agency through a text.  
She stood in the doorway of the nursery admiring the wall painting Kara finished the day before.  
Two big Care Bears and one little Care Bear were playing on a rainbow.  
For a second Lena wondered if she and Kara took the carebear thing too far.

Lena’s eyes fell upon the crib, which was ready to be used.  
When she got closer, she looked inside and imagined a little human babbling in there.  
She would smile when she saw her mommy and her big blue eyes would light up.

Every time Lena imagined her child, she imagined her with Kara’s blue eyes, which was ridiculous, unfortunately.  
She noticed how empty the crib was.  
Not because there wasn’t a babbling baby yet, but her child lacked toys.

\-----------------------------------------

“Kara, I need you. It’s an emergency! Can you leave Catco?” She said over the phone.  
“I… I’ll ask Nia to cover for me. I’m on my way! Where are you?” Kara spoke fast.  
“I’m in the lobby of the Catco building, downstairs.”  
“Wha-”   
Lena broke the connection before Kara could ask more questions, she needed her now.

Within a minute Kara rushed out of the elevator.  
“What is it? Is the baby coming?” she asked with large eyes.  
“Yes!” Lena answered, “We need to go shopping!”  
Kara fell silent for a moment, “Shopping? You said the baby was coming.”  
“Yes, in a few weeks and we’re not ready.” Lena urged Kara to come with her.  
Kara stood unmoved, “Lena, I have a job. You said this was an emergency!”  
It was clear to Lena that Kara didn’t understand the urgency, “Kara, this is an emergency! My baby doesn’t have a Teddy Bear.”  
Lena was close to tears, desperate to make Kara understand how important it was for a child to have a Teddy Bear.  
Kara pinched the bridge of her nose, which meant Lena had to find a way to tip her over the edge.  
She pulled out her phone and dialed a number.  
“What are you doing?” Kara sighed.

The call was answered, “Lena, are you okay? I’m in the middle of a meeting.”  
Lena ignored the work situation and instructed, “Sam, Kara doesn’t get me. Can you explain to her how important it is for my baby to have a Teddy Bear?”  
After two seconds of silence, Sam said, “Okay, put Kara on the phone.”  
Lena felt a triumph as she handed the phone over to a confused Kara.

“Yes, but I’m at work… Hmm… Okay, I understand. Thanks, Sam… I’ll make sure of that. Bye.”  
Kara handed the phone back and offered Lena her arm.  
“I knew Sam would make you understand.” Lena was smug about her little victory.  
“She said you were experiencing nesting urges and I should never argue with a woman in your condition.”  
Lena held still to let Kara’s words sink in, “Okay, fair enough.”

\--------------------------------------------

Kara was putting all the new baby clothes in the washing machine as Lena lay down to rest with her new bed partner in her arms.

When the bed dipped beside Lena, a lock of hair was put behind her ear.  
Amused sapphire blue eyes sparkled, “Are you happy with your new Teddy Bear, baby?”  
Lena hugged the bear tighter against her chest, “She looks exactly like Ms. Pisley.”

Ms. Pisley used to be the Teddy Bear she had when she was little.  
The bear was the only thing, except for some clothes, she had with her when the Luthors took her in.  
When she was five Lillian told her she was too old for a pathetic bear and threw her in the fireplace.   
Little Lena had cried her lungs out until Lionel made sure she didn’t have any air left to scream with.  
She found a piece of ear in the ashes the next day, that was the only thing left of Ms. Pisley.  
Little Lena took that ear and hid it away from the Luthors.  
She still treasured that filthy piece of fabric in her vault at L-Corp.

Lena buried her nose in Teddy Bear fur, “I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I? It’s just a stupid bear!” her voice was muffled.  
“No,” Kara chuckled, “Not at all, don’t be silly.”  
Kara opened her arms for Lena to nuzzle against her together with her Teddy Bear.  
“Why don’t you tell me about Ms. Pisley?” Kara offered.

“I got her from my mother,” Lena started.

Talking about how Ms. Pisley was Lena’s only friend when she was a little girl, was confrontingly lonely.  
For the first time since that fatal day, she shed a tear for her Teddy Bear.  
“I’m a grown woman and I’m crying over a burned Teddy Bear,” she mocked herself, “I’m so emotional it’s pathetic. It’s just a stuffed bear.”  
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Kara corrected her, “You lost the closest thing you had to a friend to an unnecessary cruel act. Ms. Pisley was so much more than just a stuffed bear, she was a link to your mother… I get it.”  
Lena rolled on her back, “So, you don’t think it would be weird if I would sleep with a Teddy Bear?”  
Kara propped herself up on her elbow, “As long as you still have room for me,” she chuckled.

Lena was relieved Kara seemed to understand the connection she felt to this child's toy better than she did.

“I’m gonna make you some tea and bake you some cookies to cheer you up,” Kara announced, “You should rest.”  
She kissed Lena’s temple before she pushed herself off the bed.

As Kara walked out of the room, Lena was left with dark loneliness.  
Emotional she was still that devastated little girl.  
Being pampered by Kara was nice, and she needed her rest… But a part of her preferred Kara by her side.   
She didn’t have to say or do anything, just be close to her.

Lena pushed herself up, determined to sit with Kara while she was burning cookies.  
If the mountain didn’t stay with Lena, she would follow the mountain.

“Whoo, ho… Just stay in bed,” Kara stopped her when she walked back in.  
Before Lena could explain that she didn’t want to be alone right now, Kara cut in, “I have to stop doing this… I seem to search for other ways to comfort you than to stay with you and listen powerlessly. I am so used to fixing things as fast as possible… I guess it became my way of coping with the unfixable.”  
Kara sat down beside Lena, “I’m sorry I walked away when I got uncomfortable, I think some talks deserve more attention than a change of subject.”  
Lena scoffed, “You are being dramatic over a Teddy Bear.”  
Unable to express how glad she was that Kara had returned, she hit her playfully with her new Ms. Pisley.

Instead of laughing, Kara hugged the Teddy Bear tight to her chest.  
“Lena… You just told me how you were mentally and physically tormented as a child… That’s…” Kara shook her head, “that’s something we should talk about if we want to start our own family.”

Kara’s change surprised Lena.  
A part of her was grateful for Kara’s offer to talk, another part wanted to dismiss as quickly as possible.  
She was already talking with Kelly about her past, which was hard enough as it was.

“Please, Kara. We both know Lillian was never the greatest example of motherhood. There is nothing left to be said,” she tried to wave it off.  
“Your father hurt you,” Kara confronted her, “You always talk about how bad Lillian was, but you barely seem to realize how bad your father was.”  
Lena wanted to stay far away from that thought, “He wasn’t always like that, only when he was drunk. Besides… I wouldn’t stop screaming, that was hard for him.”  
“Hard for him?” Kara repeated her words full of shock.

Lex had once told her that Lionel started drinking after Lena’s mother passed away.  
Her brother thought their father never recovered from the loss.

Kara pulled her knees to her chest and hugged herself after she gave Lena back her bear.  
“Lena?” she rested her head against the headboard of the bed, “If I come back from a tough fight or someone got wounded or died on my watch… And our five-year-old is screaming because she’s upset about something… Will you understand it if I’ll bring her to silence with violence?”

The thought made Lena’s stomach contract, with the bear she shielded her belly protectively.  
Her mother-heart was raging, “Are you insane?” she spat out.  
Kara remained calm, “Would you accept that I needed silence to calm myself after a rough day and I would hurt my child to get it?”  
Lena’s blood boiled, “I will pour liquid kryptonite into your eyeballs and make your brains burn from the inside out,” she threatened.  
Kara’s eyes grew large, “That is alarmingly specific!”  
“I’m not joking, Kara!”

Kara smiled...  
She smiled!

“Do you get my point?” she asked calmly.  
Lena frowned her brows at Kara’s change of energy.  
“Nothing justifies hurting a child like that. You don’t have to defend him, Lee. He doesn’t deserve your compassion.”  
At the soft brush of Kara’s fingertips on her skin, Lena’s hand jerked away.  
She refused to hold her hand.  
The idea of Kara hurting her child still lingered in her mind causing a repulsed reaction to Kara’s presence.

She knew Kara would never hurt her child.  
She knew Kara would never hurt her.  
She got it.  
She got what Kara was trying to make her see.  
Her reaction to someone hurting her child, even if that someone was Kara, was incredibly strong and defensive.  
Yet her reaction to the Luthors who hurt her was one of understanding.

The realization dawned on her.  
She grabbed Kara’s hand and squeezed, “I was once someone’s baby too,” she trembled.

The embrace Kara pulled her in was overpowering every emotion she had.  
Almost as if she was forming a shield to protect her from all the past, present, and future harm.  
Kara was giving her the motherly hug Lena always refused to accept from her lover.   
Until now, she has never allowed herself to be that frightened little girl with Kara.  
Only Alex and Kelly had seen that side of her.  
Lena had never been able to show that side of her to Kara before.

Now she wept.  
Wept for that little girl who saw her mother drown when she was only four years old.  
Wept for that little girl who handled herself.  
Wept for that little girl who survived on her own.  
Wept for everything that little girl had endured.   
She allowed herself to be small.  
She allowed herself to break.  
Kara broke with her.  
And that was okay.

Her strong lover’s sobs were the first to turn into sniffles.  
“Our baby will have a better life,” Kara said determined, “we will make sure of that.”  
Lena nodded, “I’m so scared to become a mother,” she managed to get out between sobs.  
Kara’s massaging fingers in her hair calmed her uncontrolled crying.  
“Yeah… me too,” Kara admitted.  
A chuckle broke through her tears, “So, we both agree that motherhood is scary?”  
“It’s terrifying!” 

Lena always had the impression that Kara was confident because of her excitement.  
Knowing that Kara had her fears as well, was more comforting than she could have imagined.  
The corners of her lips turned into a satisfied smile.  
“Let’s do it scared!” She concluded through her tears.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked softly.  
Lena explained herself, “Remember one of the first conversations we had? I had just survived an assassination attempt and I did something risky again. You didn’t understand back then…” she reminded her, “I said you can’t live your life in fear. I never meant that you can’t be scared. I meant that you can’t let fear control your actions. If you don’t feel brave… Do it scared.”  
“So… Let’s be terrified raising a child?” Kara pulled up her eyebrows.  
“I’m glad you understand,” Lena kissed her cheek, which made Kara laugh. 

“We are going to fuck up!” Lena sank deeper into Kara’s arms.  
“I’m sure we will.” Kara rested her head on top of Lena’s.  
“Is that okay, though?” She thought out loud, hoping Kara could ease her mind.  
The room grew silent for a while.  
Lena’s hand disappeared underneath Kara’s shirt to find safety with her warm skin, while Kara played with her hair.

“I guess that’s okay,” Kara broke the silence, “I mean… our parents messed up. Some worse than others… But Eliza did the best she could, giving the circumstances… And even my parents did what they thought was best to save my life. They’ve made mistakes… All made mistakes… And I guess we will too.”  
Lena sat up so she could face Kara again.  
Her tears had dried out.  
“I guess she will get hurt someday,” Lena sighed, saddened by the thought.  
Kara held her hand, “Let’s aim to not be the cause of her pain and be the safe haven she runs home to.”

Lena nodded, “What if I will turn out like my father? I can have a bad temper…”  
Kara cocked her head, “You are nothing like your father, Lee. You would never hit someone.”  
“Do you want a list?” Lena pulled up her eyebrow.  
“Not someone you love,” Kara elaborated.  
Guilt plagued Lena, “I did hurt you.” Her throat went dry.  
“Yeah… And I hurt you too. But I think we are both different people now, or at least… we try to be. Let's keep each other honest, okay?”   
“I would like that.”

They kissed each other tenderly until Lena winched from a baby's kick.  
“I guess someone needs some attention,” Lena groaned.  
Kara’s eyes lit up, “May I?”  
“Knock yourself out!” Lena encouraged her with a smile.  
Kara pampered her bare belly with kisses, gentle touches, and soft songs.

Watching Kara caring like that, melted Lena’s heart.  
She was the lucky one.  
After everything… That scared little girl ended up okay.  
The most powerful alien on Earth was singing lullabies to her unborn child.  
Lena was going to be okay.

\----------------------------------------------------

While Lena watched Kara burn the cookies she promised her earlier that day, a phone call disturbed their bliss.   
Still chuckling from Lena’s teasing, Kara picked up with a happy, “Hello!”  
Her smile faded to make room for a face of terror.  
Her eyes grew large, “No, I’m on my way,” she ended the call with.

“What is it?” Lena asked worriedly.  
“That was Kelly… There’s something wrong with Alex, I need to go get her. I’m sorry, I have to go.”  
She walked around the kitchen counter to peck Lena on her temple.  
“No, I get it. Go!” She said quickly, “Let me know how she is as soon as you can!”  
“I will. I love you!”

Within seconds Kara was out of the door.  
Lena was left with the sound of sizzling cookies in the oven and the burning smell of Kara’s first attempt.

Wondering if their friends were okay, Lena tried to occupy herself until she’d get more news.  
Lena thought of the meeting Kelly and Alex had with the adoption agency today.  
Kelly didn’t have a good feeling, but they both hoped she was wrong.  
Previous setbacks were hard on Alex, Lena was afraid she put all her faith in today.  
A disappointment would be devastating. 

After her 13th cookie in 20 minutes, Kara finally called.  
What Lena feared had happened, Alex fell off the wagon.  
“Can you come and pick Kelly up? She’s pretty upset as well. I’ll handle my sister.”

\----------------------------------------------

“I was right, Lena. I wish I wasn’t, but I was.”   
Seeing the always so poised Kelly close to a breaking point was unsettling for Lena.  
“I was right. I wish I wasn’t, but I was.”   
Kelly was repeating her words on a loop.  
During the car ride, Lena had tried to calm her down, but she had been unsuccessful.

She sat Kelly down on the couch and made her tea.  
Kelly stared ahead without responding to any of Lena’s attempts to make contact.

Lena sat down on the coffee table in front of Kelly, making it impossible for her to escape her look.  
She tried a trick Kelly used on her.  
Lena took her hands and repeated her words.

“I was right, Lena.”  
“You were right, Kelly.”  
“I wish I wasn’t.”  
“But you were.”  
“But I was.”

In the second loop, they went through together, Kelly slowed her speech down.  
During the third loop, Kelly’s eyes focussed on Lena and they connected.  
“But you were.”  
“But I was… Yeah.”  
“Yeah…” Lena finally had her attention, “I’m sorry, Kelly. Do you want to tell me what happened?”  
Kelly started, “They…” she couldn’t continue for she needed to gasp for air.  
“They… said…” she tried again.  
Lena moved to support her friend, “It’s okay, take your time. Take a deep breath in… and out…” she wrapped her arm around Kelly’s shoulder.  
Kelly was unable to follow her instructions.  
She broke down.  
She broke like Lena and Kara had broken earlier that day.  
And Lena let her cry it all out in her arms without any further questions, not until she was ready to answer.

Kelly’s cries were angry, sad, and loud.  
Kelly was how Lena never saw her before.  
She screamed.  
She trembled.  
She poured her eyes out.  
Lena could almost feel her heart break from the pain of the other woman.

Unsure what to do she followed her instincts.  
She cradled Kelly, she soothed her, and with a soft melodious voice, she repeated, “It’s okay, Kelly. I’m here for you. You’re not alone. I’m here.” 

She held her till she stopped shaking and her cries died out.  
She held her till her breathing evened and she dried her tears.  
She held her till she sat up on her own and started talking.

“Thank you. I needed that.”  
Kelly took a deep breath and drank her tea in silence.

Lena waited for her.  
In front of her eyes, she witnessed how Kelly got herself together till she was poised once more.

“We went to the adoption agency today and they told us they were afraid they couldn’t help us,” Kelly said, “Alex referred to the phone call in which they advised her to get married to her partner. And they…”  
She slipped out of her control for a moment.  
Lena took her hand, which appeared to give her the strength she needed to go on, “they didn’t expect that partner to be someone like me. They handed us our papers back saying that a child shouldn’t be raised by people like us. A child needed a mother and a father. According to them, helping us would be against the will of their God,” Kelly scoffed, “they weren’t even ashamed of their homophobia.”  
Lena clenched her jaw, “They abused religion to justify homophobia,” she concluded as she shook her head in disbelief.  
Kelly nodded, “I follow the same God. But I don’t believe He denies His children love. I don’t believe He shuts His children out for love. Our Book doesn’t say that.”  
Lena nodded back, “I know.”  
“My God loves his children. All of them. He loves me. He loves us… It hurts that they claim to believe in my God and deny us a family.”  
Kelly jumped up, she ranted on as she was pacing the room.  
“They judged us, Lena. And to judge is to put yourself next to Him for only He shall judge, and to put yourself next to Him is a great sin. Loving isn’t a sin, being a homophobic asshole is!”  
Lena sat back and let Kelly rage it out of her system.  
“There is just a small group… A tiny group that thinks our love cannot coexist with their religion.” She abruptly stopped her pace, slumped her shoulders, and sighed deep, “But they are so fucking loud!”

Lena staggered to her feet, opening her arms for Kelly to seek shelter with her once more.   
“That hurt,” Kelly voiced as she sank into Lena’s embrace.

“Did you talk about this with Alex?”  
She didn’t.  
Kelly never got the chance because Alex soon left the house to get some air.  
Instead of processing her emotions, Kelly contacted four other agencies she had found.  
She blatantly asked them if they were homophobic or racist, if they could prove it and if they would help them.  
One of them broke the connection after correcting Kelly that her attitude was not one they wanted to work with, the other three were more understanding and scheduled an introductory meeting within the next two weeks. 

Kelly never got the chance to tell Alex the good news.  
Before she could reach her wife, Al called that Alex was having a bad drunk in his bar.  
Normally he would call the cops on someone in her state, but this was Alex.  
Al knew her well enough to know there was more to this behavior than just being a troublesome drunk.  
When Kelly got there, she was unable to get Alex out of there.  
That was when she called Kara.

“When we got home, Kara took care of an angry drunk Alex. That was when it hit me that Alex wasn’t the only one affected by this. I already had the solution, but still… I am also hurt!”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

In the early evening, Kara called Lena, who picked up the phone with the question: “How is she?”  
She put her phone on speaker so Kelly could listen along.  
“I love you too, Starlight!” Kara reacted to Lena’s directness, “Alex is asleep now. She… She had a rough day. But she’s sleeping it off now.”  
“Is she okay?” Kelly’s voice trembled.  
“I think she’ll have a headache in the morning. She’s a bit sick now but I think she’ll be fine,” Kara sounded tired, “Kelly… Both of you had a tough day, I don’t think Alex will wake up before the morning. Why don’t you stay with Lena for the night and get some rest? I’ll stay with my sister to make sure she’s safe, okay?”

Lena’s heart jumped, she had also thought of asking Kelly to stay, but hearing Kara offers the same idea she had was warming.

Kelly bowed her head, “I don’t prefer to go to bed without talking, but if she’s already out… That might be for the best.”  
“Is that okay, Lena?” Kara asked.  
“Yeah… I was thinking the same thing,” she smiled endeared.  
“Okay, good.”

Lena turned the speaker off so she could talk with Kara alone.  
“How are you?”   
She mouthed an apology to Kelly before she went to the bedroom for some privacy.   
An honest answer wouldn’t come easily, Lena knew that she had to pull harder.  
“It’s hard seeing her like this. I feel sorry for her and yet she angers me so much. I placed a bucket next to her bed and I’m staying alert in case she gets sick. I mean… I get that it’s awful how they were treated. I don’t get how people can be so mean...”   
Lena hummed in agreement, giving Kara the possibility to ramble, she got herself comfortable on the bed.  
“I was so happy Alex refused to drink for such a long time…” Kara sighed, “She was freaking out about letting you down, by the way. She totally panicked over not getting to see her niece grow up.”  
“Gosh, that’s dramatic,” Lena scoffed.  
“That’s what your deal was about right?”  
“It was,” Lena nodded, “I’ll have to talk to her about it.”  
“Are you going to…” Kara stopped herself from asking the full question.  
“Gosh no. I need her to babysit! But she deserves the scare for grabbing the bottle again.”  
She could hear Kara chuckle on the other side, “I can live with that.”

“Are you good again?” Lena checked.  
She would have liked to keep on talking to Kara, but Kelly also needed her attention.  
“I’ll be alright, thanks for listening.”  
“Call me whenever you need me, even if it’s in the middle of the night, okay?”  
“I will. I love you, Lena.”  
“Love you too,” Lena made a kissing sound before she hung up.

Lena made sure to distract Kelly but allowed her to talk whenever she needed to.  
They made tacos together and watched a Disney movie afterward.  
“My brain is always working, sometimes I need to relax with a tale as old as time,” Kelly had explained a few months ago.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

The bed was always less comfortable without Kara sleeping next to her.  
She missed the warmth and the soft snoring of her favorite Kryptonian.  
Unlike other nights she spent alone, she now had Ms. Pisley the second to wrap her arms around.  
That made the night more bearable.  
Lena held on to an idle hope that Kara would go to bed early with her in the evening.

The living room was lightened by the first rays of sunshine.  
The clear blue sky gave Lena hope for this new day.  
She opened the balcony door so fresh spring air and sunshine could fill the house.

Kelly deserved a nice breakfast, just like she made so many for her when she was feeling down.   
Still dressed in her pajamas she went through the cabins when Kelly came out of the guestroom.  
“Goodmorning,” she yawned.  
“I hope I didn’t wake you, did I?” Lena said.  
Kelly shook her head, “I woke up early and couldn’t sleep anymore,” she sat down at a barstool by the kitchen counter, “I want to go back to my wife. I can’t sleep without her,” she whined.  
Lena chuckled, “You enjoy calling her your wife, don’t you?”  
“I do. We need to talk, but I love her to pieces. You should try it, it feels nice to talk about your wife.”  
“I don’t have a wife. But I must admit that I sleep better with my girlfriend next to me.” Lena blushed as she turned the toaster on.

Kelly rested her elbows on the counter, “I think... you should talk to Alex as well. I think she needs some reassurance that she will still get to see her niece. If you don’t mind...”  
Lena pulled her eyebrow up, “Would that be wise today? I mean, she was in pretty bad shape yesterday.”  
The last time Lena went to help a drunk Alex, things almost got out of hand.  
With the conversation from the day before still fresh in her mind, she wanted to be nicer to herself.  
“I promised Kara to take better care of myself,” Lena stroked a protective hand over her belly, knowing very well there were two lives she needed to protect.  
“Don’t worry,” Kelly said, “When Al called, I locked her gun away. She won’t aim at you again in her intoxicated state.”  
Lena leaned on the counter, “You knew…” she concluded while she bowed her head.  
As she closed her eyes her mind drifted back to that moment she came up from cleaning the floor and how she later realized how badly that could have ended.  
“Yeah. I don’t feel like looking down the barrel of her gun again,” Lena scoffed.   
She got distracted by the smell of burning bread and turned to find smoke coming out of the toaster, “Shit!”

“Alex pulled a gun on you?”  
Lena jerked around to where the sound was coming from.  
Kara was standing in the doorway of the balcony holding a paper bag.  
The disturbance caused by the burning toast distracted both women from hearing Kara land.  
A shiver went down Lena’s spine, Kara must have picked up on their conversation.

Pushing back her first reaction, Lena smiled at the sight of Kara.  
She greeted her with a kiss on her cheek, “Goodmorning, darling. I’m happy to see you!” she said.  
“Lena, when did she point a gun at you?” Kara had that protective look on her face Lena knew so well.  
“Last time she broke down like this,” her eyes fell on the paperback, “You brought breakfast? That is so sweet. I was just burning toast… So, your gift is appreciated,” Lena joked.  
Lena walked ahead of her back to the kitchen.  
Kara followed in her footsteps, “Why didn’t you tell me she pointed a gun at you?”  
“Don’t make such a fuss about it,” Lena hoped her attitude could make it less of a deal to Kara, “she didn’t shoot.”  
“I think I would have noticed if she did. What the hell, Lena?”

“I’m going to pack my bag,” Kelly retreated into the guestroom.

With the absence of Kelly, a thick silence fell upon the couple.  
Kara placed her hands at her hips and tilted her head impatiently.  
The rise of her eyebrows told Lena that she expected her to talk.

Lena leaned against the counter, “Kara,” she said softly, “It’s okay. Nothing happened.”  
“My sister pointed a gun at my pregnant girlfriend!” her jaw tensed while her eyes grew large.  
Following her instincts, Lena closed the space between them till they were just two feet apart.  
She took Kara’s clenched fists in her hands, “She was in a bad place, darling. She would never hurt me.”  
Lena brought Kara’s hands to her mouth and kissed her knuckles.   
Her soft touch had a soothing effect on Kara’s tension, “She pointed a gun at you,” she sadly repeated.  
“When she did, she didn’t know it was me.”  
Lena dared to come closer by wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck.  
She tried to explain what happened.

“I don’t like this, Lena. You are doing it again!” Kara pointed out, “You are justifying the behavior of someone who wronged you.”  
Lena pulled up her nose, “You shouldn’t compare Alex to William or my family, that’s not fair.”  
With a deep breath, Kara gained control over her emotions.  
By rubbing her biceps, Lena was able to relax Kara’s muscles.  
“Okay,” Kara sighed, “But I don’t like this.”  
Lena rested her forehead against Kara’s, “That’s okay. I’m sure it wasn’t the news you wanted to hear.”  
When the blonde shook her head, Lena tilted her head to press her lips on her mouth.

It took Kara a moment to relax into the intimacy.  
She parted her lips so Lena could deepen their connection.  
Exploring Kara’s mouth weakened her knees so much she held on tight to her lover.  
A hand at the small of her back and one beneath her but cheek steadied her.  
Her fingers tangled in blonde curls, while fingers from her other hand dug into strong muscles between shoulder blades.  
When a moan escaped, Kara pulled back, “Kelly is still here,” she whispered.   
Lena nodded, “Be home early tonight!” she panted.  
Kara grinned, “I’d love to.”  
From beneath hooded eyelids, Lena looked up at her girlfriend, “Do you feel better?” she asked with a low seductive voice.  
“Well, you know how to play me!” Kara smirked.

Lena cuddled up in Kara’s embrace, “I missed you last night.”  
“I bet you did,” Kara teased, “But I missed you too.”  
When the little bean gave a powerful kick, Kara chuckled.  
She lowered herself on her knees to admire the big, bared belly in front of her.  
Her strong hands explored the stretched skin beneath her touch.  
“Don’t feel left out, little bean. Be patient. In a few weeks, you will be strong enough to meet us. And I’ll hold you in my arms while I kiss your mommy.”  
When Kara kissed her gently moving belly, a warmth flowed through Lena starting at the touch of her lover's lips, spreading through her entire body.  
“I can’t wait to meet her,” Kara said as she got back on her feet again.  
“Y-yeah… same…” to Lena’s surprise Kara still managed to fluster her.  
She was as amazed by Kara as the first time she opened up her heart to her.

“I have to be at Catco in 30 minutes,” Kara changed the topic.  
“Can you stay for breakfast?” Lena asked hopefully.  
Kara smiled, “I brought enough sandwiches.”

When the couple parted Lena shouted, “Kelly! We kissed and made up, you can come out now!”  
In less than five seconds Kelly walked into the kitchen, “Good! Cause I don’t have any bags to pack.”

After twenty minutes Kara excused herself.  
Before she left she palmed Lena’s cheek and kissed her lips lingering on a bit longer than usual.  
When they parted, Kara’s sapphire blue eyes were piercing, “Please, be careful,” she said softly.  
Lena nodded to reassure her, “I will.” 

\-----------------------------------------

“I’m tired of being understanding and patient all the time. That’s my job. At home, I need my wife to wrap an arm around me and listen to my ranting when I need it, and I rarely need it!” Kelly rambled on their car ride back to Alex.  
Lena found out Kelly’s outbursts were always sudden and short, followed by a new period of silence.

“You should tell her that,” Lena encouraged her.  
“I know, I know…” Kelly sighed, “But I get her.”  
Lena scoffed, “It’s true what they say. Caregivers really suck at taking care of themselves!”  
“I have faith she gets me too,” she sounded more hesitant than her words made Lena believe.  
“Alex is far from perfect, sometimes she screws up…” Lena turned to watch Kelly, who focussed on the road ahead, “But in the end, Alex never disappoints.”

Lena followed Kelly as they approached the front door in silence.  
When they stepped inside, “Kelly?” was the first thing they heard followed by some rumbling.  
Alex rushed over so fast she nearly stumbled into the hallway. 

Her skin was pale, her hair was messy and dark circles puffed below her eyes.  
The newlyweds stood frozen in front of each other.  
Lena was convinced Alex hadn’t even noticed her presence, her big eyes were fixated on Kelly alone.

“You came home,” Alex smiled weakly, “I’ve been such a fool for walking away from you. I feared you wouldn’t…”  
Kelly started moving in her direction.  
Until she reached her, she didn’t say a word.  
She rested her body against her wife’s and said, “Just hold me.”  
Alex obeyed without hesitation.

Lena watched breathlessly how Kelly demanded to be consoled without returning the favor.  
Alex held Kelly in her arms without expecting her arms to be wrapped around her in return.  
Kelly's arms slumped beside her body when she started pouring her eyes out.  
The big sobs that escaped her throat triggered Alex to hold her tight.  
To caress her and protect her.  
Silent tears rolled over Alex’s cheeks and Lena knew from the look on her face… Alex understood.

Kelly was clear in wanting Lena to stay, so even though it felt awkward, she did until she was certain they didn’t need her there anymore.  
Careful not to disturb the couple, she closed the front door and slipped into the guestroom to give them privacy.

\-----------------------------------------------

Even though Kelly and Alex restyled the room into a child’s room, the guest bed was still there.  
They kept it until they knew more about the child they would hopefully adopt one day.  
Laying on her back, she stared at the ceiling.  
After a long silence, she could hear Kelly breaking the silence although she couldn’t tell what was being said.

The promise Lena made to Kelly was the only thing that kept her from leaving.  
She would stay close and talk to Alex.  
But she didn’t expect to wait in a separate room for them to work it out.  
When she thought about it, she had to admit she didn’t think this through at all.

Her mind got lost in fantasizing about the little bean.  
She was sure her imagination of Kara as a mother would come short to reality.  
Looking forward to a family bliss with Kara and the little bean, she explored her belly with her fingertips.  
With little taps, she tried to provoke a reaction.  
A movement beneath her skin following her taps made her giggle.  
“Are you trying to dance with your mommy, little bean?”  
She traced her fingers over her tummy, “I’ll lead you, baby-girl!”

Lena played a made-up game with her unborn child.  
Every kind of movement brought a bright smile to her face.

The knocking on her door disturbed her mother-daughter time.  
As she was pushing herself into a sitting position she allowed the other to enter.  
Against her expectations, the face she saw wasn’t Kelly’s.  
Alex came to talk to her.

The way she held her arms in front of her body and bowed her head made her look small.  
“Lena… I…” she shuffled on her feet, “Can I…” she was unable to find her words, “I-I mean…” she was trembling.  
Seeing her like that made Lena’s guard crumble.  
Letting Alex stutter was like torturing her.  
“Come sit with me,” Lena padded the spot next to her on the bed.

Alex looked surprised.  
With careful steps she approached, her hesitation undeniable.  
When she stood in front of Lena she stopped moving, her big eyes seemed to ask for permission.  
Lena’s second invitation convinced her to sag down.

The tensed energy Alex brought with her made Lena feel anxious.  
She was so scared, she drained Lena’s bliss.  
To stop Alex from spiraling them both down a rabbit hole, Lena broke the ice by offering, “She’s pretty active at the moment. Wanna feel her?”  
Until now, Alex never got the chance to experience a kick beneath her touch.  
“Are you sure?” tears came to her eyes.  
Lena nodded with a smile to convince her.  
She guided Alex’s hand to the side where the little bean was kicking.

The first kick melted Alex’s tension away.  
Her audible gasp made Lena proud of the effect her little bean had on others.  
She chuckled at the thought that she used her belly for good.  
“I think she likes her auntie Alex,” Lena noted at how the little bean seemed to react to Alex’s touch.  
“Lena…” Alex’s mouth dropped as she looked into Lena’s eyes.  
“I don’t know what to say… I was so scared you would keep me away from your baby… And I… I know I screwed up… I broke the promise I made to you… I can understand if you don’t want me near her...” she stammered.  
“Are you crazy?” Lena blurted out, “I need you, I can’t cut you out. And to be honest… I never thought you would succeed. You stayed away from the bottle longer than I expected.”  
Alex winched.

She knew she was triggering Alex’s urge to prove herself by stabbing her ego.  
Lena had thought about the most effective way to approach Alex, although making her touch her belly wasn’t a part of that plan.  
“You know… My father was a drunk… I always denied how much impact his alcohol consumption had on my childhood, but I can’t anymore. I and Lex suffered as children because of it. I’m too much like him and I have to prevent myself from making the same mistakes. Kara will help me, we’ve talked about this… I don’t want my child to be exposed to drunks like I was!” Lena made clear.  
She wanted to teach Alex a lesson but to do so, she had to be vulnerable.  
“I know you are usually in control. But when something bad happens, you slip,” she continued, “I can anticipate that. I can keep my little girl away from you when you might grab the bottle. I can protect her from you.”   
Alex pulled her hand back to herself and dropped her gaze.  
Lena knew it must be hard for her to hear that a child needs to be protected from her, especially because she considers herself born to be a mother.  
She took a deep breath to brace herself for giving Alex the final gut punch.  
“But you want to be a mother, Alex! I can protect my own child from you, but I can’t protect your child from you! Neither can you put the responsibility to keep your child safe with Kelly! That will be on you!”  
Lena made sure her voice was clear and calm but far from angry.  
She was pushing Alex in a corner, but she had the feeling she had to be so mean to get through to her.

Alex clenched the bedsheets in her fists while Lena gave her time to process her message.  
She braced herself for any kind of outburst.  
Instead, Alex swallowed thick and nodded, “I will be better, Lena,” her voice trembled, “Will you help me?”  
Lena smiled kindly, “What kind of help do you expect from me?”  
The brown-eyed beauty locked eyes with Lena again, “Can I call you or come over when I don’t know what to do?”  
“That I can do,” she took Alex’s hand, “Is that what happened?”  
Alex scoffed, “They were so mean at the agency. It was so heartless.”  
“I know, Kelly told me about it. You weren’t the only one who got hurt yesterday.”  
“I… I realize that now. I realized it yesterday when she didn’t come home… We talked and we will probably talk more,” Alex smiled shyly, “She told me what you did. That you basically threatened her to subscribe to other agencies. We’ll look into them together... Thank you for meddling.”  
“That’s what Luthors do!” Lena joked.  
“Only the best Luthor does that.” Alex helped Lena to her feet so she could give her a thankful hug.

\---------------------------------

As Lena had hoped, Kara did come home early that evening.  
She was neither happy nor sad when she came back.  
With a stoic, “Hello, love.” she greeted Lena and kissed her cheek.  
When Lena proudly told her about how she helped Alex and Kelly, Kara deadpanned, “That’s nice. Are there any potstickers left?” while roaming the kitchen food.  
“What’s wrong, Funshine?” Lena asked, disappointed, “Is it something I did?”  
Kara twisted her head towards Lena with a surprised look on her face.  
“You act indifferent like you don’t care what I have to say. I…” she fidgeted with her fingers, “I was kinda proud of myself and I hoped you would be too,” she confessed softly.  
After Kara closed the cabin, she approached Lena with a small smile, “I’m always proud of you, Starlight.”  
She wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck, “I just don’t really feel like talking about my sister-in-law and her wife. I’d rather focus on you tonight!”  
Even though Lena was bummed that her pride was so easily dismissed, the teasing kisses on her neck made it hard for her to dwell on that disappointment.

Ms. Pisley was watching over her from the corner of the bed while she fell asleep curled around the powerful Kryptonian.

Her night’s rest wasn’t very peaceful.  
Not because of the baby, this time it was Kara who was restless.  
She shifted her position a couple of times, bounced her leg, and groaned.  
At the start of the night, Lena had tried to calm her down with gentle touches and soft kisses.  
She’d asked Kara if she was alright, for tossing and turning was very unlike her in the night.  
She assured Lena she was fine and told her to close her eyes.  
A few hours later Lena’s compassion had disappeared.  
Even though Kara only seemed to get more restless, she turned around in the hopes of ignoring her girlfriend so she could get some sleep.  
When the body next to her started to shake lightly and soft sniffing came from that direction, she couldn’t stay quiet any longer.  
A crying Kara was rare, especially at night.

“What is on your mind, Funshine?” Lena spoke softly before she tossed herself around to face Kara.  
“What if you die?” Kara whimpered.  
The blond was laying on her back as she stared at the ceiling.  
The weak moonlight that peeked through the curtains exposed a shimmering trail from her eye to just below her ear.

Lena was taken aback by the sudden fear for her life that played with Kara’s mind.  
“Don’t be ridiculous, Kara. I’m healthy, I’m with you, I’m not going anywhere,” she tried to assure her.  
Kara’s head turned to face her, “There’ve been at least a hundred times where you almost died or survived an assassination attempt,” she pointed out with sharp words.  
“You are overreacting. There were only 62,” Lena chuckled as she fought back her sleep.   
She knew the number because of all the stickers she earned on her scoreboard with Alex.  
“With my mother in a high-security prison and Lex out of the way, the assassination attempts dropped. Don’t worry, darling. Let’s go back to sleep, we can talk about this later if you want.” 

She closed her eyes and nuzzled against her girlfriend, resting her hand on Kara’s chest.  
With a deep sigh, her exhaustion fought her consciousness away.

“I’m serious, Lena!” Kara was insisting, “We need to talk about this.”  
Lena became agitated by her lack of sleep, “Do we have to do that in the middle of the night? Why are you suddenly worried about this so much?”  
Kara scoffed irritated, she stammered a little but didn’t produce any actual words for a couple of minutes.  
Too stirred up slumber off, Lena had a hard time being understanding, “Well?”  
“Lena! My sister pulled a gun on you. You might be okay with that, but I’m not! I thought you were safe with her. I trusted her to keep you safe. And I’m not okay with that,” words started to flow out like the dam had broken down, “This time it was Alex. The next time Lillian might have found a way or a business relation, like Edge, wants to get rid of you or you might actually die of natural causes…”  
“Kara, stop it!” Lena wanted to end her waterfall of negativity.

Kara flicked on the light and sat up wildly.  
The light exposed her red puffy eyes, pale skin, and teary face.  
Her chest was heaving with worry.  
With her brittle voice, she pleaded, “I love you to pieces, Lena, and I don’t want to live without you. But if you die…” she spoke so fast it was almost out of her control, “And I pray to Rao that day will not come for a long, long time! But if that day comes too soon... Who will take care of Imogen?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me on this journey for so long.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter.  
> Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter.  
> Something big is about to happen...


	25. The Endless depth of Nothingness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is past her due date when Kara has to help Barry in Central City.  
> The baby waited for her to come back before starting to fight her way out of Lena.  
> Not every birth turns out to be magical.

Central City required another hero for a mission, that’s why Barry asked Kara to join the fight.  
Since Lena had already reached her due date, Kara hated to leave her behind.  
She wouldn’t want to miss the birth for anything in the world.  
Besides, she had to be there to support Lena.  
Unfortunately, the world needed Supergirl more than Lena needed Kara.

Lena was convinced the baby was too lazy to come any time soon.  
If Kara could just hurry up and save the world, Lena promised to squeeze her legs together until she came back.  
Because Kara was so torn that she couldn’t even appreciate the joke, Sam offered to stay with Lena in case the baby would come.  
With the reassurance of being called with the first sign of movement, she agreed to go and help Barry save the world.

That evening Sam would move into the guestroom when she came back from L-Corp.  
Kara’s departure left Lena exhausted, which is why she was dressed for the night with a bathrobe wrapped around her.  
The only thing that kept her from going to bed was Sam who didn’t have a key yet.  
She had to let her in.  
That’s why she lay down on the couch to rest.

When the doorbell rang, she grunted, “already?”  
Staggering to her feet, her bladder nearly malfunctioned, which was one of the reasons she was done with being pregnant.  
Without looking she pressed the access button on the intercom and set the door ajar, so she could rush to the bathroom.

Being in her pajamas didn’t bother her anymore.  
She was comfortable enough with Sam.  
On top of that, she lost all her sense of embarrassment for the way she looked.  
Lena felt like a walrus and couldn’t believe Kara still told her every day how beautiful she was.  
Some days she believed Kara, on other days she couldn’t be bothered by her appearance.  
Today was one of those days.  
She didn’t even bother to close her bathrobe.

“You’re home early. Didn’t you have that conference call with Japan?” she said while walking into the living room.  
When Lena turned around the corner her heart skipped a beat.  
The unexpected guest left her frozen at her spot.

“Hi Lena,” he said, “I… I brought you a pineapple!”  
He proudly presented her the fruit.  
Recovered from her first shock, Lena pulled her robe tightly together, “William… You shouldn’t be here.”  
Avoiding his glance, she was suddenly very aware of her vulnerability.  
“Please, go.”  
It had been a long time since Lena felt so small.  
She thought she should be able to handle him better by now, but her emotions seemed to be everywhere at the sight of him.  
A part of her was happy to see him, but she was mostly uncomfortable in his presence.  
He confused her.

“I’m not leaving you alone, Lena.” He put the pineapple on the counter and stepped towards her. “You can go into labor any minute now.”  
Lena pulled up her brow, “I’m going in what now?”  
“And with Supergirl in Central City,” he continued, “someone has to be by your side when you are giving birth.”  
His hands reached for Lena’s arms, but before they touched he stopped himself.

Lena took a step backward, “I’m not going into labor!” she said.  
“But… You are past your due date,” William knitted his brows.  
“That doesn’t mean the baby will suddenly jump out,” Lena raised her voice at his stupidity.  
“I know that!” He said back at the same volume.

His tension made Lena freeze up.  
He took a deep breath to steady himself.  
When his face softened he stepped forward, “You look amazing,” his hands reached for Lena’s belly.  
Without a second thought, Lena slapped his hands away.  
William turned his face away from her.  
Immediately regretting her reaction, Lena covered her mouth behind her hands.  
Breathlessly she awaited his reaction.

He shook his hands, “I’m sorry. I haven’t seen you since Christmas and you grew so much. Are you sure you are just carrying one child?”  
Lena heard that joke so many times by now, she didn’t bother to respond.  
“Why don’t you just leave?” She nearly begged.  
Resting his back against the kitchen counter, his expression softened.  
“I’m sure Kara takes good care of you, but she is not around. Someone has to take you to the hospital. So, I figured… I’m the father, it should be my responsibility to take care of my child’s mother.”  
He lifted his chin with pride as he put his hands in his pockets.  
With his hands being tugged away, Lena was less vulnerable.  
“Sam is on her way, and she will stay with me until Kara gets back, so you can go now.”  
Lena knew very well the chances of Sam being on her way were slim, it would probably take a couple more hours.  
William lowered his head, “Then… I will stay until Sam gets here.”

Lena realized he wasn’t gonna leave, no matter how many times she asked him.  
For now, she would try to play along.

She nodded and sat down in her comfortable chair, where her phone was within reach.  
“What’s the pineapple for?” she distracted him so she could send a quick text to the first contact she could find.  
Sending a cry for help to Sam, Kelly, and Alex would have been ideal, but she didn’t dare to fumble with her phone to pick the right person under his watch.  
Lena’s heartbeat accelerated, while sweat formed on her back.  
He hadn’t done anything threatening, but she was not at ease.  
She wasn’t comfortable with him being there, but he refused to leave.

“My mother told me a pineapple could stimulate the contractions to start,” he said, “Let me prepare some for you!”  
He opened the kitchen cabins to take out a cutting board and a big knife.  
Lena didn’t want him in their kitchen and she certainly didn’t want him with such a big knife.  
“No, thank you,” she said.  
She cringed at how fragile her voice sounded.  
She wanted to bluff, to sound strong and confident, but she failed miserably.

“It’s no problem.” He started cutting the pineapple anyway. “There are also other ways to stimulate your body into contractions… I’m sure Kara can help you with that.” He smiled mischievously.  
Lena wasn’t sure what he meant, but she had such a bad feeling about that comment her muscles tensed so badly she started to tremble.

William kindly brought her a bowl of pineapple pieces.  
He noticed her shivering, “Are you cold? Let me get you a blanket.”  
Before she could tell him not to, he was already in her bedroom.  
“Don’t worry, I know the way!” he shouted.

Him in their bedroom was a step too far for Lena.  
He had been invasive.  
He didn’t leave when she asked him to.  
He nestled into all that was hers and Kara’s.  
He kept on taking her space.  
He had to leave before he took it all.  
She found the strength to get on her feet, “That’s enough!” she said when he returned, “I want you out, now!”  
He looked like the last kid picked at PE, holding the blanket in front of him, “But you promised me I could be with the birth.”  
“I’m not giving birth now. Besides, we said we would contact you, I don’t want you in the room while I’m pushing a baby out!” Anger found its way into her voice.  
“I am the father, I have a right to be there!” He raised his voice as he threw the blanket on the floor.  
“You’ve no right. You’re no father. You’re nothing but a sperm donor!” She yelled.  
He launched towards her with his teeth clenched, his fist flung backward.

Lena was there, in the eternal green fields with the sun breaking through the drizzling rain creating the clearest rainbow she had ever seen.  
She shouldn’t be there.  
It happened again.

She didn’t want to be there.  
She needed to get out of her mind.  
She had to focus.  
She had to be aware of the moment.

Where was she?  
What did she see?  
What did she hear?  
What did she smell?  
What did she feel?

At least 8 feet away William sat on the couch, cradling his head in his hands.  
He was whimpering inaudible words.  
Lena concluded that she was safe for now.  
Unable to understand what was going on with William, she focussed on herself.  
She was still standing.  
Her body was trembling, but other than her pregnancy aches, she couldn’t detect any pain.

Coming back to the moment was like reaching the surface after nearing suffocation from drowning.  
After being breathless for too long, she gasped for air.  
With her eyes fixated on William, she staggered backward until her back hit the wall high window.  
The cold glass sent a shiver through her entire body.  
The chill steadied her so well that she also rested the back of her head against the window.

Her eyes never moved away from William for she didn’t dare to turn her back on him.  
The painful silence was only disrupted by his soft whimpering and her heavy panting.

Lena had pulled herself out of the safe place inside her head to face the terrifying world outside.  
He was a sad excuse for a human being, curled up inside himself.  
She was frozen against the glass, unable to move forward from here.

What next?  
She still wanted him out, but she lacked the courage to send him away.  
Her survival instincts had sucked strength dry.  
She was numb.

When her breath steadied, her body slumped.  
She wished for him to go.  
Wished with all her heart.  
He didn’t belong in her home.  
He shouldn’t be sitting where she and Kara usually sat.

The sound of the intercom broke her thought spiral.  
William lifted his head from his hands.  
Both breathlessly awaited what would happen next as if it was out of their control.

The intercom rang again, followed by the sound of Lena’s phone.  
That got her rushing towards the front door like she was running from the devil.  
She granted access while keeping an eye on William.  
The open door allowed her to run out in case William made a sudden movement or let her savior in.

“Lena!” Sam came running through the gallery, “I came as quickly as I could.”  
She wrapped her arms around her trembling friend in the door opening.  
“Did he hurt you?” she asked when they parted.  
To compensate for the loss of safety from Sam’s embrace, so she hugged herself.  
“I… I don’t know,” she had to admit.  
William faltered into the hallway with great sadness in his eyes.  
“Did you hurt me, William?” Lena said small.  
He dropped his head with a sigh, “Almost… But no, I didn’t.”

Lena was relieved he didn’t cross that line again.  
She wiped her tears away with her sleeve, “You should go.”  
His gaze traced over the two women by the door.  
“I should,” he nodded defeated.

As he approached, Sam stepped between Lena and him, shielding her from every possible form of contact.  
When he passed them, he stopped to point his attention at Lena, “I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to.”  
“You’ve outstayed your welcome, Mr. Dey. I suggest you leave before I call the cops and make sure there will be a restraining order against you. The consequences will be yours. Do you understand what I'm saying?!” her voice was so poised and intimidating, Lena had trouble retaining a proud smile.  
After a nod of understanding, William finally left with his head bowed in defeat.

“He was everywhere, Sam!”  
Lena tried to find her safety back with help from her friend.  
She needed to talk everything out of her system, lucky for her, Sam could be a good listener.  
“I’m glad you came,” Lena sighed.  
“Of course I came. I’ll get Japan back later,” Sam waved her hand like it was nothing, “some things are more important.”  
Even though CEO Lena wasn’t happy with her running out of the business meeting, human Lena was glad she did.

When Sam asked about Kara and Alex, Lena was glad she changed the subject away from William.  
“They still aren’t talking. It’s not for Alex’s lack of trying, Kara just avoids her and doesn’t return any of her calls. I’ve tried talking to her but she says she needs time. Alex seems to have stopped trying… And I get that...”  
Lena was sad about the Danvers sisters’ quarrel.  
Kara was still mad at Alex for pulling a gun on her, which made Lena feel responsible for their parting.  
Of course, she stood by Kara, but it pained her to see less of Alex.  
Even though they still saw each other, it wasn’t as carefree as it used to be.

\------------------------------------------

Five days later, Kara returned with mild injuries and major stories.  
Most of all she was glad she was back in time for the birth of their daughter.

Lena was glad spending time with Barry made Kara so happy she forgot to ask about the lawyer.  
When Kara asked her the question of who would take care of the baby if something happened to her, she answered without hesitation, “You, of course!”  
Unfortunately, Kara was right about the legal part of that decision.  
There was nothing on paper so that William could claim her and she would probably end up with the Deys like Lena once ended up with the Luthors.  
After their first meeting with the lawyer, they had a couple of options to think about.  
Kara preferred to become the legal guardian and Lena was supposed to tell the lawyer that decision a couple of days ago.  
Because Lena didn’t feel well, she forgot.  
Or maybe she wanted to forget.  
All the legal stuff made their connection more arranged and less of a family.  
To Lena, the paperwork was too practical.  
Her love with Kara wasn’t practical… It was passionate and sometimes even irrational.  
She didn’t want Kara to be necessary for documents to prevent William from raising her daughter.  
This was all wrong.  
She had thought about it long and hard.  
Talked about it with Sam.  
And she didn’t want Kara to only be their daughter's mother after her death.

“I’m glad you waited for me, little bean!”  
Kara kissed Lena’s belly goodnight before she focussed on her lover.  
“I missed you too, Starlight.”  
“I’m glad you’re back, Funshine.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------ 

It was during the preparation of brunch that Lena felt the first cramp rising in her back.  
She squinted her eyes, clenched her jaw, and took firm hold of the kitchen counter to brace herself.  
Earlier than she expected the pain flooded away just as fluidly as it came.

“Lena! Are you okay? Your heartbeat is spiked!”  
Kara was already at her side, gently rubbing her back.  
“Yeah,” Lena grunted, “Just a cramp, it’s fine now.”  
Large blue eyes twinkled, “Was that?” she gasped, “Oh dear Rao, dear Rao… The baby’s coming. Baby’s coming!” she hopped through their home like a child going to Disneyland.

The cramp was completely gone when Kara came with the bag in hand they had prepared for the hospital.  
Her frantic enthusiasm warmed Lena from the inside, “Slow down, darling. I don’t even know if the baby is coming. It could have just been a cramp,” she said endeared.  
Kara cocked her head, “Your heartbeat wasn’t the only beat rising, I’m telling you… The baby is coming.”  
Lena rested her arms on Kara’s shoulders, “Even if that was a contraction, it will still take a while. We went over this in the prenatal classes.”  
The disappointment on Kara’s face was almost comical.  
“Aw, don’t worry darling. She’ll come soon,” Lena cheered her up with a kiss.  
“I know… I just can’t wait to meet her.”  
“I’m dying to meet her too,” Lena admitted, “If you want to make yourself useful, you can keep track of the contractions… If this really was the first.”  
“It was.”  
“We don’t know that yet.”  
“I know that!”  
Lena rolled her eyes and gave up on her fight with the stubborn Kryptonian.  
“Whatever that was… I need you calm, Kara. Stress will spike my adrenaline, slow down the contraction and give me less natural pain killers. So, slow down and breathe.”  
Kara breathed in deeply.  
Kara breathed out slowly.  
“I’ve got an app!” She beamed while showing Lena her phone, “It’s to keep track of the contractions.”  
“Yeah… You do you, honey. I’m gonna have brunch.”

During the day she learned to predict her contractions by looking at Kara’s face.  
When her eyes widened with anticipation, Lena knew she could brace herself for her next wave of cramps.

In the early evening, Lena couldn’t joke with the pain anymore.  
She was having back contractions so powerful they even hurt in her legs.  
Kara had already called the hospital but her contractions weren’t following each other fast enough, so Lena wouldn’t be admitted yet.

Walking around helped a bit… or at least she thought it did.  
With Kara to hold on to, Lena had her rock who massaged her back and cooled her forehead.  
“You can do this, Lena. You’re the strongest woman I know. You’re doing great. Keep breathing,” she encouraged her.

Around midnight they were finally allowed to go to the hospital.  
Lena’s pain made her see stars, while Kara was losing her ability to act calm.

“Okay, let’s go!” Kara swooped Lena off her feet, which caused her to scream full swears at her.  
“We’re not flying to the fucking hospital, you idiot!”  
“Right, right… I’m sorry, I panicked.” She put Lena down gently. “Alright, let’s go.”

Glad about the support Lena got from Kara, she got into the car.  
When Kara sat beside her a rush of emotion hit her, “Kara! We forgot her Teddy Bear!”  
“I’ll get it after she’s born,” Kara fastened her seatbelt.  
“Kara!” Lena was on the edge of tears. “Go get the Care Bear. My baby needs her Teddy Bear!”  
Her demand convinced Kara there was no such thing as arguing with a woman in labor.  
She kissed Lena’s cheek, “I’ll be right back.”  
“Don’t leave me!” Lena felt another contraction coming.

Kara supported her through it before using her super speed to get the bear.  
Lena hugged the green and white bear tight to her chest, “You’ll soon meet your new best friend,” she said to the bear.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The pain Lena experienced turned out to be far more severe than average which made the nurse in charge, a woman in her mid-thirties, decide on giving her enough painkillers to make her smell colors and see sounds.

They were left alone most of the time with someone checking in on them regularly and an alarm button in case they needed help.

“Have I ever told you, how warm your eyes smell?”  
Lena was drifting in a sea of colors that blended like a painting from one of the old masters.  
Just for a little while, until another wave of pain set in that got her screaming like a tortured soul crawling from hell.

She was allowed to squeeze Kara as hard as she could and shout the most awful things at her.  
They had joked about it before, but never imagined how close to the truth they were.  
So much foul was coming out of Lena’s mouth, she unpleasantly surprised herself.

Coming down from her contraction she slipped back into toxication.  
The painkillers chipped off the sharpest pains, but she surely wasn’t pain-free.

Lena hadn’t let go of Kara’s hand since they arrived.  
The sensation of her touch was new, Kara’s hands were as soft as butter, like her fingers could glide right through her.  
“Oh my, Kara… your hands…”  
With confusion, Kara observed how fixated Lena was on their hand-holding.  
“What about my hands?” she asked.  
“You feel delicious!” Lena explained.  
Kara’s laugh was like rays of sunshine reflecting on the wings of rainbow-colored butterflies.  
Kara leaned in, “Do you want a taste?” she said close to Lena’s lips.  
Lena felt a happiness jolt inside, “I’d love to!”  
Before Kara could close the gap to kiss her lips, Lena licked her from her chin up to her eyeball.  
She tasted the softest lullaby on her skin.

Kara jerked her head back before she wiped her face with her sleeve.  
The nurse in charge walked in to check up on Lena “That’s some serious stuff, you gave her,” Kara said, suppressing her chuckle.  
“I’m sorry, it will wear off in time for the birth.”

During the examination, Kara distracted Lena with sweet words and soft touches.  
A halo lightened Kara’s contours.  
“Wow!” Lena blurted out in the middle of Kara’s praise, “Your face…” With her fingertips, she touched Kara’s cheek. “You are glowing… Like the sun.”  
A bright smile greeted her.  
“You’re like sunshine… Oh… my… God…” Lena slapped Kara on her arm. “You are fun… and you shine… Funshine!”  
Lena giggled drowsily, “That’s the perfect nickname for you.”  
With a satisfied smile, Lena closed her eyes while Kara’s hand stroked through her hair.

“I’m afraid… will take... hours.” Lena wasn’t interested enough to listen to the nurse, but she picked up a few words. “... go home… rest. Your friend will need you...” she said to Kara.  
“I’m not leaving her-” before Kara could finish, Lena interrupted her.  
“She’s not my friend!” she raised her voice at the nurse.  
Someone called the most important person in her life her friend, Lena could slap the woman for that insult.  
“She’s my wife!”

The nurse checked her papers, “I’m sorry… I wasn’t aware you two were-”  
“We’re not married,” Kara admitted with a pained expression.  
“Not yet,” Lena put a finger in front of her lips.  
Unable to keep any of her secrets in, she confided the nurse with her plans, “I’m going to propose,” she whispered, “my friend Sam is holding on to the ring I bought her and I was going to propose with a song during karaoke night. The fun thing is…” Lena laughed about the prospect, “I can’t sing! If she survives my terrible voice and still says, yes... She’s the one.”  
Telling someone the plan she made with Sam was a weight off her shoulders.  
She couldn’t wait to see the look on Kara’s face when she asked her.  
Lena had always refused to sing for her, which made this proposal so perfect.  
She was sure Kara would like it even though she sounded like a swarm of crows.  
“Don’t tell her. It’s a secret!” Lena made it clear to the nurse. 

The nurse let her eyes flicker back and forth between Kara and Lena.  
“Uhm… That sounds like a great idea Ms. Luthor… I’ll leave you two alone.”

A petrified Kara stared at Lena while a new wave of contraction approached.

Feeling the pain coming was scaring Lena.  
It seemed like every time they hurt more and lasted longer.  
“Kara, can you hold me?” she whimpered.  
“Yes… Yes, of course… Of course, yes! I’m with you… Always!”  
Her lips on Lena’s temple comforted her.

\------------------------------------------

The intoxicating effect of the painkiller slowly wore off.  
Kara sat behind her so she could rest her body against Kara’s.  
Her arms kept her safe.  
Her warmth soothed the aching muscles in her back.  
This day seemed endless torture she couldn’t take anymore.  
Exhaustion was getting the better of her.  
“Just leave the kid in… I’ll keep her in, I don’t care. I’m too tired, I can’t do this anymore,” Lena said close to tears.

Kara rested her chin on Lena’s shoulder, “Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you? Get you a drink? Something to eat? Sing you a song? Rub your back?”  
Tears spilled from Lena’s eyes, “I don’t deserve you,” she whimpered.  
“Let me be the judge of that.” Kara kissed her damped neck, “I love you, Lena.”  
“I love you too.”  
Lena turned her head to give her lover a proper kiss.  
The moment was so intimate that, even though Lena was pushing through all the pain of labor, Kara made her feel like they were truly in this together.

“So… Can I do anything?” Kara offered again.  
Another contraction rolled in, “Kill William, he did this to me!”  
Kara chuckled, “Even though I have been waiting for your permission for a long time, I don’t think that’s good for my reputation.”  
Thankful for the laugh Kara gave her the pain seemed a bit more bearable.

“Have you called him already?” Lena asked between her contractions.  
“I texted him. I’ll let him know after I held both of you in my arms at the same time.”  
There was such tenderness in Kara’s possessiveness, Lena could only love her more because of it.

“Okay, I’m done,” Kara announced, “I can hear how active the little bean is, she wants to get out. I’m gonna get someone and they’re not leaving before I hear someone cry.”

Kara was right about how close she was to giving birth.  
The nurse directed her in when to push and when to breathe.  
Lena focussed on her strong anchor beside her.  
She held her hand and screamed in her face.  
Kara praised her every step of the way.

“Kara, I’m too tired, I can’t…” her body was exhausted.  
“You can, Starlight. I know you can!” after taking a peek she got back close to Lena, “You are so close, I can already see the top of her head. Just a bit more, Lena.”

Lena was certain she popped some veins when she screamed the baby out of her with her final strength.

“There she is,” she heard someone say.  
But there was no crying.  
No boost of energy.  
No pink cloud of happiness.  
No tears of joy.

Lena’s body gave out.  
She was drained.  
“Kara… I’m so cold…” she whispered.

Her vision failed to separate light from darkness, blending together like gray fog.  
The noise around her turned into empty echoes blurred together.  
Far away she could hear Kara’s voice cry out, “No Lena… Stay with me… Lena? Lena!”

She lost her grip.  
Her anchor slipped away, leaving her to adrift in an ocean of loneliness.  
Water filled her ears, dampening all the sounds around her.  
Gray fog faded into darkness.  
She drifted in emptiness until a freezing cold pulled her under into the depth of nothingness.

\-------------------------------------------

A sad melody sung by an angelic voice faded in from nothingness.  
From undistinguished words slowly became clearer.  
With effort, she was able to peek between her eyelids.  
The lights seemed to be dimmed.  
Blurred images focussed until she could see the head of blonde hair nuzzled against her arm.  
“Can you hear me screaming, please don’t leave me…” she sang softly between sniffles.

Lena wanted nothing more than to brush her fingers through those blonde locks but her arms refused to cooperate to her will.  
“Come back, I still need you.”  
Lena wanted to answer her.  
She wished to say that she was here.  
But her voice lacked the strength to produce sounds.  
“Let me take your hand, I’ll make it right.”  
Lena focussed on her energy to one point.  
“I’ll swear to love you all my life…”  
She squeezed.

Kara’s head jerked up.  
Her hair was messy.  
Her eyes were red.  
Her face was puffed.  
But never before had Lena ever seen her smile shine so relieved as she did now. 

“Hey, Starlight.”  
Kara brushed a lock of Lena’s hair from her forehead to clear the spot for a gentle kiss.  
“I’m so happy to see your eyes again.”

Lena took in her surroundings.  
She seemed to be in a private hospital room with nobody else but Kara next to her.  
The noises in the hallway, the buzzing sound of a machine next to her, Kara’s last sniff…  
Her eyes scanned the room.

An ominous feeling got hold of her.  
The problem didn’t lie with what she did see or hear.  
The problem was what she didn’t see nor hear.

Her baby was missing.

“W...where…” her voice was weak.  
“She’s fine, she’s fine!” Kara was quick to answer, “Don’t tire yourself out. You need your strength.”  
The reassurance didn’t satisfy Lena enough, she needed her baby.  
“Where’s... she?” her hoarse voice was a bit more powerful than before.  
“She’s in a different room. William is with her now.” Kara pressed the button that would alarm the nurse to come. 

The idea of William alone with her child shocked Lena.  
Kara should be there to protect the baby from him.

Her flaring nostrils were noticed by Kara who quickly added, “She’s safe, Alex is with them. One wrong move and he won’t be walking out of this hospital.”  
Kara beamed with pride at the mentioning of her sister’s name.  
Lena was pleasantly surprised by the mentioning of Alex’s name.  
“You called Alex?” she asked.  
“Yeah…” Kara showed a shy smile. “You weren’t doing well and I… I was scared… I needed someone and I called the only person I could think of.”  
“And she came,” Lena concluded.  
“Without hesitation. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got some speeding tickets on the way over here,” Kara chuckled.  
Lena knew her baby was in good hands with aunt Alex protecting her.

“Kara… I need my baby.”  
There was no other way to put it.  
Lena needed to see her.  
She needed to hold her.  
This tiny human grew just below her heart for nine months.  
After all this time, they were separated.  
She couldn’t be separated from her child.  
She’s lost without her.  
Everything else was non-essential.

“I already called for the nurse and we’ll ask her to get her, okay?” Kara tried to comfort her.  
“Why isn’t she here?” Lena was slowly regaining some of her strength back.

A silence followed in which Kara struggled to find her words.  
“Kara, what happened? Spit it out!” Lena demanded.  
Kara swallowed, “You… passed out and needed surgery. You needed your rest… That’s… That’s why.”

Kara was avoiding Lena’s gaze, which gave her the impression there was more to this story.  
“How long was I out?” she asked as she tried to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.  
“Uhm…” Kara rubbed her face before looking at the clock. “About… fifteen hours.”  
This was like a gut punch to Lena’s stomach, “You mean… I missed the first half-day of her life?”  
The warm hand that palmed her face also wiped her tears away, “She was sleeping most of the time,” Kara tried to comfort Lena, “she cried a little… pooped… peed… and was bottle-fed.”  
Her effort accomplished the total opposite, “That’s all baby’s do! And I missed everything.”

In all her time growing towards motherhood, she never could have imagined this feeling to be so strong it overpowered everything else.  
She was sad that she missed her first whimper.  
Sad she missed her first sleep.  
Sad she missed her first dirty diaper.  
Sad she wasn’t the one to feed her first meal.

“Well… there’ll be…” When Kara’s eyes were caught by Lena, she stopped her attempt to cheer her up immediately. “You’re right. I would have liked to share those moments with you.” She dropped her head.

She seemed so sad, Lena couldn’t blame her for what she missed out on.  
“Were you with her for all those firsts?” Lena softened her tone.  
Kara nodded hesitantly.  
Lena fidgeted with Kara’s fingers, “Why… why don’t you tell me about her until I get to meet her?”

Her question wasn’t only to kill time.  
Besides the fact that she was curious, Kara was tense.  
Something was bothering her, she wasn’t ready to talk about.  
Lena hadn’t gained enough energy yet to help Kara loosen up, but she could listen.

As Kara dropped to the back of her seat, her face lit up.  
When she closed her eyes for a few seconds a shy smile appeared.  
“I’ll see if I can find a nurse or a doctor to get our baby-girl, so you can meet your daughter. Will you be okay alone? I won’t leave the hallway. I promise I will hear you.”  
The prospect of finally seeing her baby made her heart jump with excitement.  
Kara gave her a quick peck on her lips before she left.

Her body was so sore, she couldn’t even lift herself.  
A bag of blood was plugged into a vein in her arm.  
That meant she’s lost a lot of blood.  
Kara guessed that she was unconscious for about fifteen hours.

She must have been scared even though she had Alex to lean on.  
Did she sleep at all?  
She must have been awake for over 35 hours at least.  
The night before they didn’t sleep as much as they should have, but they were too happy to see each other again after Kara came back from Central City.

“Good evening Ms. Luthor,” the doctor who performed the surgery on her introduced herself.  
She did some little tests to examine Lena’s condition.  
Kara followed the woman close behind.  
“Keep in mind that your body suffered a trauma you need to recover from. I will tell them to get your baby but keep in mind you can’t breastfeed the infant yet because of the medication we had to use on you. The nurse will help you with bottle feeding your baby.”  
As sudden as the doctor appeared, she also disappeared again.

“Well… She was…” Kara paused in search of the right word.  
“Practical,” Lena finished her.

Lena wanted Kara close to her while they were waiting, so she tried to move her body to the side but a sharp pain shot through her lower half.  
She groaned in pain.  
“Don’t strain yourself!” Kara was quick to her side, “What are you doing?”  
“I wanted to make room so you could be close to me,” she admitted.  
Kara gave her a kind smile, “Don’t be silly, you don’t have to make room for me. I’m Supergirl, I can float,” she joked.  
She put the word to the deed by hovering next to Lena.

Kara’s head was on Lena’s shoulder without putting any pressure on her, just like the arm she wrapped around her.  
Lena nuzzled her cheek against Kara’s hair.

“You already met her,” she tried again, “What’s she like?”  
Kara hummed with pleasure, “Wonderful… She’s adorable. She’s absolutely perfect. She’s healthy and strong. She’s beautiful. She doesn’t have much hair yet, but what she has is brown… And she…” she lifted her head to look at Lena with admiration in her eyes, “You did so well, Lena. She’s perfect. And I love her so much, it’s crazy.”  
Kara’s rambling made Lena laugh softly.

With the first sign of movement from the door, Kara stood next to the bed.  
A nurse strolled a tiny bed inside, followed by a beaming aunt.  
Alex seemed inches taller as she watched over her little niece.  
After a quick peek into the baby bed, Kara hugged her sister.  
Though Lena was glad to see the sisters together again, she would prefer to hold her baby above any family reunion. 

The nurse reached for the little girl, but Kara stopped her.  
“May I?” she asked.  
Kara had the honor to be the one who was going to introduce the baby to her mother.  
“Can I take pictures?” Alex’s offer was appreciated by both mothers.

The nurse helped Lena to sit up a little by adjusting the bed, so her body still had full support.  
She was in pain, but she didn’t even care.  
Kara was lifting a bundle of cloths out of that tiny bed, that was all that mattered.  
Alex shot a couple of pictures from her sister holding the baby before she rushed to the other side of the bed for the best angle to shoot the first family pictures.

Lena was glad Kara didn’t pose.  
She looked at the bundle in her arms with so much adoration, Lena could fall in love with her all over again.  
Kara softly spoke to her while she moved towards Lena, “Wakey wakey, sleepyhead. There’s someone very important you need to meet. Little spoiler alert… She is amazing.”

Eager to meet her child, Lena reached out her heavy arms.  
For a moment she wondered if she would be strong enough to hold her baby.  
One look in Kara’s eyes was enough to know she had her.  
She would take care of both of them.

Kara lay the baby in Lena’s arms.  
This warm, soft, tiny human being had the cutest little button nose she’d ever seen.  
She took Lena’s breath away when she opened her big blue eyes.  
Her curious gaze pierced straight into Lena’s soul.  
Speechless she stared at her next of kin.

Kara came as close as possible to her two women, just like Lena hoped she would.  
“I haven’t named her yet,” she whispered, “I wanted you to be the first to say her name.”

Lena was so enchanted by her daughter that she forgot to show her gratitude to Kara.  
With her melodiously high but weak voice she said, “Imogen Alexandra Luthor.” She moved her head as close as possible to her daughter to whisper, “Zor-El,” after that.

The clash of a phone falling on the floor startled the baby so much, she started to cry.  
A little panic came over Lena, “Don’t be frightened, baby bear. I’ll protect you.”  
She cradled the little girl against her chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Alex picked her phone back up, “Did you… name her…”  
“Alexandra? Yeah...” Kara confirmed with a dreamy gaze fixated on the little girl in Lena’s arms.  
“After Lex?” she asked carefully.  
The spell the baby held on her mother broke, “Hell, no!” Lena answered.  
“We wanted to name her after her badass aunt,” Kara elaborated.  
A hand reached over Lena and Imogen for Kara to grab, “Thank you,” Alex trembled.

Her weakened state made her arms shake under the weight of her daughter.  
Afraid to drop her she said, “Kara?”  
More words weren’t necessary.  
Kara slipped one arm behind Lena’s neck, which allowed Lena to rest her head against Kara and still see her child.  
Kara’s other arm supported Lena’s arm in which Imogen was resting.  
Lena could still hold her baby without loosing any strength.

In the arms of both her mothers, Imogen’s cries turned into soft whimpers and a trembling bottom lip.  
“Oh, look at those lips…” Lena admired.  
“Yeah, her mouth is shaped like yours. I noticed,” Kara said with pride.  
“I… wow, you think?” Hypnotized by the adorable pout, Lena couldn’t believe there was already a facial feature that could be linked to her.  
She was honored.  
“Definitely!” Alex confirmed.

“It’s time for her bottle. Do you want to feed her Ms. Luthor?” The nurse was holding up a bottle she had prepared.  
“Please, call me Lena… Yes, yes, please. I’d love to.”  
With a shaking hand, she took the bottle from the nurse.  
Before she could reach her child, her strength gave out.  
The weight of the bottle pulled her hand down to the mattress.  
“I… I can’t…” she admitted disappointed. 

Before Kara could say anything, Alex was already at Lena’s other side.  
The way Kara supported the arm that held Imogen was the same way Alex lifted Lena’s arm with the bottle.  
With full Danvers support, she was able to bottle feed her child.

Her tiny lips wrapped themself around the bottle’s pacifier and started sucking.  
The moaning and sucking noises together with the satisfied look on that little face made Lena melt.  
“Aww, look at her…”  
Lena’s body might have been destroyed, but this moment made every ache worth it.  
“I’m such a wreck,” she chuckled, “Thank you… both of you.”

The nurse asked for permission to take a picture of this moment.  
“You look like such a loving family,” she added while snapping the photos.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

After three more days, Lena was finally strong enough to leave the hospital.  
The first night Kara slept next to her on a stretcher.  
She had a hard time leaving Lena behind the second day, even though she was severely sleep-deprived.  
Lena needed Eliza’s and Kelly’s help to convince her to go home and get some rest.  
On the third day, Kara almost missed the first visitation moment because she was still catching up on sleep.  
At the end of the hour, she was suddenly there which confused Ruby.  
“Wow, you came here super fast,” Sam teased her.  
Kara wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see her two favorite women.

The time they spent in the hospital was kept light.  
Lena got the feeling they both needed to hold back because someone could see or hear them at any time.  
When she got home they could finally be themselves again.

Surprisingly enough, Kara stayed reserved when Lena came home.  
Although she still needed a lot of rest, Lena could walk again and could even breastfeed the baby.  
Their conversations were exclusively about Imogen, who was already called Immy for short.  
Kara never left the house for long.  
She hovered around so closely, Lena had a deja vu to the time Kara found out William had hurt her.  
Back then, Kara even followed her to the toilet.  
Even though she didn’t do that now, Lena still felt suffocated.

She wasn’t comfortable with the way Kara looked at her or how she tried to touch her.  
Lena knew this feeling had nothing to do with Kara, this was all on her.  
For reasons she couldn’t explain her body felt like it had let her down.  
Like she fulfilled all-purpose.  
After giving birth she was left with this sacked, empty shell.  
Although Kara still called her a work of art, she didn’t feel that way.  
She was a creature sculptured from the mud of the earth.  
Unappealing and undesirable but still functional.  
Lena had trouble wrapping her head around why she felt so disconnected from her body, while it made the most beautiful creature on earth.  
That wonderful little girl in that crib…  
Her body made that.

Lena wanted to talk with Kara about the birth because a lot happened she could not comprehend.  
She needed to.  
After many efforts, it was clear to Lena that Kara refused to talk about the birth.  
Kara avoided the subject like Lena avoided Kara’s physical affection.  
Lena had to admit she was too easily distracted by Imogen’s needs and charms, so it wasn’t hard for Kara to deflect her attention.

When Lena put Immy to bed, she lingered by her crib to watch her sleep.  
Kara was in the kitchen, making them dinner.  
As she watched that perfect little girl sleep, her mind started wandering.  
She didn’t remember her being born.  
What happened between labor and the moment Lena woke up to a sad singing Kara at her bedside?

Because Kara didn’t talk to her about the day she was giving birth, she had to fill in the memory gaps herself.  
She remembered that the pain medication had a colorful effect on her, but that image was vague.  
The last bit she had to do without medication, which made her head clearer.

She remembered she was tired.  
She remembered she was in pain.  
Although nothing of that mattered anymore.

She didn’t hear the baby cry.  
She heard Kara cry.  
Cry out her name.

After that…

Cold.

Lena remembered being pulled into the depth of endless nothingness.

“Kara?”  
She could feel her girlfriend watching her from the entrance of the room, so she turned around to look at her while she voiced her conclusion.

“I died, didn’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I hope you all enjoyed this piece of angst.
> 
> We might all be in need of a chapter from Kara's pov about what happened, or at least... I am.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter.  
> Kudo's are also welcome, but if you made it to here I assume you already left your kudo ;)


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